Issuu

vol.77

issue.07

the

sex

issue

contents weekly content 4. letters 6. news 17. VUWSA 2 6 . C r e at i v e 37. arts 43. odds and ends

columns 13. Bent 1 4 . R a m b l i n g s o f a Fa l l e n H a c k 1 5 . Th e I n t r e p i d V C G u i l f o r d 16. C B T 1 6 . M āo r i M at t e r s 32. Sports Banter with Sammy P 33. meals and feels with eve 33. Conspiracy Corner 34. Shirt and Sweet with Eleanor Merton 3 5 . Th e B o n e Z o n e w i t h C u p i e H o o d w i n k 3 6 . A rt i c u l at e d S p l i n e s 3 6 . We i r d I n t e r n e t S h i t

features 1 8 . I t d o n’t m e a n a t h i n g u n l e s s i t ’s g o t t h at s w i n g 20. Porn Hub 2 2 . S e x y Ti m e 23. On the Job 28. Light in Dark Pl aces

the sex issue

We’re always talking smack about sex, but we rarely penetrate the subject with any depth.

am lost his virginity at the age of 16 to a 35-year-old (female) air hostess. Duncan lost his far more recently at 21 to his girlfriend at the time. Neither experience was anything like what we’d seen in the movies. There was a strange guilt right after climax – did we come too early? Did they come at all? Is the urge to roll over and go straight to sleep a normal one? Post-coitus always felt more gritty than we’d hoped. We don’t know about you, but for a long time it felt like every time we had sex we were somehow doing it ‘wrong’. But then we realised the obvious: there is no right way to do sex. Sex is what you make it. Or more specifically, it’s what you and your partner(s) make it, together. Some people like to be humped to buggery, while others prefer slow ‘Let’s Get It On’–type loving. Neither is better than the other – so long as all involved are enjoying it. Similarly, there’s no such thing as the objectively correct amount of sex to be having. People can say “I have not been having enough sex”, but society shouldn’t tell them that they’re not doing it the ‘right’ number of times. Only you get to decide how central sex is to your personality. Some people are sexual beings. Others aren’t. Stop telling people how to live their (sex) lives. So: discourse about intercourse is a bit messed up. That’s why this week we wanted to get balls-deep in the issue.

Steph Trengrove takes a look at the sex industry. She asks whether workers in the oldest profession in the world have benefitted from New Zealand making it the newest legitimate profession. She finds that we’ve come a long way from the days of ‘whores and hookers’. But, it would be premature to say their needs have been satisfied. Philip probes people who are experimenting with their sexuality. His research included going to a swingers’ party – how fucken cool is that? His is a must-read piece about students being freer with their sex lives. Sex presents a unique challenge to the law because it is both private and abstract. Do you feel confident that you know the legal intricacies of consent? We don’t. Penny looks at sex’s relationship with the law. The Government is looking to change the law to regulate porn, but are they going too far? Finally this week, we have probably one of the most moving pieces published in Salient this year. One student shares with us her story of being sexually abused and the constant struggle she goes through to keep on keeping on. It is a brave and beautifully written feature. As you might have noticed, we find it hard to talk soberly about sex. PENIS. Sex jokes can be fucking hilarious, and it’s okay to make them. We just need to make sure that’s not the only time we’re talking about sex.

L ove ,

Du n can & Cam

editor@salient.org.nz

LETTER of the

WEEK Dear Salient

We need to create a profitable new world for ourselves. In the Matrix. The real world is far too restricted by the rules of physics. Why should we be stopped by gravity from simply flying to a late class? Our time would be much more efficiently spent in an unregulated digital construct.

Regards A Neo Liberal.

W I N F R EE C OFFEE Are you angry, elated or apathetic about Salient? Send us a letter of less than 250 words to editor@salient.org.nz. Pseudonyms are fine, but all letters must include your real name, address and telephone number. These will not be printed. Letters will not be corrected for spelling or grammar. The Editors reserve the right to edit, abridge or decline any letters. The letter of the week wins a coffee from Vic Books.

the sex issue

LETTERS

SEARCH ENGINE AND RESCUE Dear Salient, I’m writing this on notepad so I don’t have MS word to help me spell goodly. I’m currently in the Kelburn Hub 12:05 8/04/2014 (as my laptop tells me). Anyway currently two groups of two people have been looking at myself and other students on their laptops or studying with pen and paper. They just left. Why were they looking at us, what were they taking notes on. I feel soo used. {p.s. chrome came to my rescue} Please investigate, From a student to the student journalists. {p.s. chrome came to my rescue}

BRIDGES OVER TROUBLED WATER Dear Simon Bridges Your sir, are a dickhead. Sort your shit out.

public place, and unlike the mall (or your parents’ house), magical cleaning staff do not follow you around to clean up after you. Be messy fucks in private.

THE CAKE WAS ALWAYS A LIE Dear Salient, You owe me cake. No, I’m really f****** serious, you teases. I am a student, and while I never believed I would ever belong to the over-used, cliche demographic of poor students, here I am, penniless* and starving. It’s my birthday soon and the closest I’m going to get to a birthday cake is a half-burnt-half-undercooked brownie my flatmates will “surprise” me with while we shiver together in our hole. And you, you have the gall to not only make a beautiful, beautiful piece of edible art and waste it on some sort of “political comment”, but then proceed to taunt me for a full week with the image of what I can never have. Seriously, f*** StudyLink, f*** student debt and f*** your lack of appreciation for all that is baked and holy. Seriously, is nothing sacred anymore? F*** you. Love, Starving.

Luc

WE GET IT, GAMES OF THRONES IS BACK Hodor Hodor Hodor Hodor Hodor Hodor Hodor. Hodor Hodor Hodor Hodor Hodor Hodor, Hodor Hodor Hodor Hodor. Hodor Hodor, Hodor

CLEAN-UP ON AISLE HUB Dear students, I think I speak for all of us who are digusted by the state you leave the campus hub area in. More often than not, I see rubbish and shit left all over the benches. Pick your shit up when you leave. It is a

IN WHICH VC GETS A CDear Inane-ient, I’ve tried to get into “The Intrepid VC Guilford”, and I have to say, I’m this close to dropping it. Six episodes in and I have to say, I have no idea what’s going on. It would probably help if the writing wasn’t like Aaron Sorkin and Douglas Adams had a baby and locked in a room to write columns with nothing but scratched DVDs of The West Wing and a blended copy of Hitchhikers. Like, it seems dense when you stare at it long enough, but you really just get sucked into a black hole of inane political references and strange

dialogue where people talk like Speak n’ Spells. The show really needs to shake things up and soon or dropping this faster than I dropped Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D Overall grade: CVC Club, sister publication of the Ogre

I’VE GOT A SPEAR YOU CAN SHAKE Sonnet to Cameron’s Naked Body You’re brave enough to show your manly hide Despite the censure and the fear revealed Full proud you stood with Duncan by your side And smiled; with less than nothing left concealed. This world is harsh and cruel to those afraid And strength is never praised as it should be I fear you daily walk beneath the shade And never let your Great Manhood swing free So go; cast off society’s restraint Be proud of hair and skin and chest alike Let nipples show without any complaint Why fear the verdict on your glorious pike? (So long as men can breathe and eyes can see Your naked schlong brings joy and revelry)

WHY THANK YOU Dear Salami-ent, Shout-out to Candid Cameron for getting his dick out for last issue. Really perked up my Monday morning to open the newest Salient and get an eyeful of the executive staff. Pardon my verbal fellating, but I thought it was a bold move. Call me, 555-816801

editor@salient.org.nz

BABY OF LAST WEEK L ast

week ,

P rince ‘G orgeous ’ G eorge made his first N ew Z ealand . M ore a celebrity than a royal , the eight - month - old prince has been doted on by the NZ media . T he D om P ost wrote a front - page story describing his “ kingly qualities ” of bravery , chivalry and leadership ( he ’ s a fucking baby for C hrist ’ s sake ). H owever , it is becoming increasingly unlikely that he will ever be our be king – two - thirds of those aged 18 to 30 want a NZ head of state to replace the Q ueen when she kicks the bucket . A t his first - ever official engagement , he met ten diverse K iwi babies , including one with gay parents . U nfortunately , if G eorge turned out to be gay it overseas trip to

BY THE NUMBERS

113

km/h

The average speed of sperm during male ejaculation.

60%

The percentage of women who fake orgasm on a regular basis.

is almost certain he would be disqualified from taking the throne .

F or

shame .

You know.

402

ppm

The carbon-dioxide concentration in the Earth’s atmosphere, the highest it’s been in 800,000 years.

14 6

Babies named Khaleesi (a G ame in 2012.

T hrones character)

2 8 5 ,19 3

The average number of human beings experiencing orgasm at any given time.

the sex issue

NEWS T R I G G E R WA R N I N G : This content deals with an account of sexual assault and may be triggering to some people.

IS IT SAFE FOR WOMEN TO WALK HOME AT NIGHT? by Sophie Boot

key campus path has been the site of at least one sexual assault of a Victoria student already this year, despite work having been done to make it safer. The path, which runs between the Boyd-Wilson Field and the Terrace, has been the site of numerous assaults and years of student complaints. Police are investigating one assault of a student which took place on the path on 28 March. In addition, students have told Salient that two further assaults of first-year students have occurred on the path this year, but these had not been reported. Last October, Salient reported that LED lights had been installed along the length of the path, following three years of inaction. The path is the joint responsibility of the Wellington City Council, which controls the path, and the University, which owns the land the path is on. Wellington Police, Te Aro School and VUWSA have also been involved in improving security around the path. A student living in Te Puni, the hostel above Boyd-Wilson, said she was aware of the reputation of the path, commonly known as ‘Rape Alley’, when she came to the hostel. “We all hear about [the assaults]. It’s horrible to think that harmless people are being abused because nobody is taking any action.” “[Te Puni] haven’t talked to us, the girls from last year say that they will soon. All they really said to them was you aren’t allowed to walk down there alone, but that’s not really going to solve much.” Ross Barnett, Victoria’s police liaison officer, said that the City Council had increased regular maintenance of foliage surrounding the path from every three months to every eight weeks, and the police had increased patrolling of the path at peak times.

K een

eye for news ?

S end

any tips , leads or gossip to

news @ salient . org . nz

In the past two weeks, a new light had also been installed in the Te Aro School carpark. Despite this, students Salient spoke to said the path was still dark. “There are two lights about ten metres apart at the start of the path, opposite the school. Then there are the street lights at the bottom of the stairs. At night it isn’t pitch black, but with the trees it’s pretty dark and gloomy.” Jenny Bentley, Director of Campus Services at the University, said that they were aware of the 28 March assault, but were not aware of any further assaults. “Full pastoral and academic support and care” had been offered to the student. Bentley said that the University is “extremely conscious of student safety” and had been working closely with the Wellington City Council and the Police to improve the safety of the pathway between Boyd-Wilson Field and the Terrace. “These initiatives include regularly cutting back trees and greenery to improve visibility, improving lighting, proposed installation of CCTV cameras on pathway, installing and extending pedestrian barriers, and a programme of safety messages to students.” “We are advising our students not to use the pathway if they are alone – only if they are with a group of people.”

2010 – VUWSA survey of 4000 students found that 26 per cent

of women felt there was inadequate lighting and a lack of safe pathways on campus. 2012 – Over half the respondents to a VUWSA Campus Safety Audit reported feeling unsafe when on campus after dark. 80 per cent of these people said their primary reason for feeling unsafe was poor lighting in many areas of campus. 2012 – VUWSA discontinued the Campus Angels programme, whereby students would walk other students home or to public transport late at night, due to high cost and low usage. 2013 – At least one student was assaulted on the path. October 2013 – LED lights were installed along the path. March 2014 – A new light was installed in the Te Aro School carpark 28 March – A student reported having been assaulted on the path; police investigations are ongoing.

editor@salient.org.nz

NEWS

AN UNLUCKY STRIKE NO SMOKING LOUNGE TARS PROFITS by Simon Dennis

he manager of The Hunter Lounge has called for the oncampus smoking ban to be lifted at the Lounge, and VUWSA supports the move. The manager of The Hunter Lounge, Jack Barber, said he had seen a downturn in profits since the smoking ban was introduced. “[Customers] said to me that when smoking stopped, they stopped coming in.” “We had a lot of customers who were in in the morning for a coffee and a cigarette, or in later smoking and having a beer, and aren’t now.” Mr Barber believes that the students who want to smoke are “going somewhere off campus where they can”, and that the impact of the ban extended past smokers to their friends. “I get the impression that one person in a larger group who wants to leave because of the smoking ban will take the whole group with them, so it’s not just smokers not coming in, it’s smokers and their friends.” VUWSA President Sonya Clark said that in her view, the smoking ban “hasn’t worked.” “I would support a move to make some exemptions to the smokefree rule – especially at The Hunter Lounge, to make it easier for events to run smoothly. If a smoke-free campus is to be achieved, it is about positively supporting smokers to live healthy lifestyles,” Clark said. Associate Director of Campus Operations, Rainsforth Dix, said “the University is aware that The Hunter Lounge operator considers Victoria’s smoke-free policy has had an impact on its revenue.” “We are working with the operator to understand its wider business environment.” However, Ms Dix says the University will not remove the ban. “We have no plans to remove the smoking ban that applies to all our campuses. A smoke-free campus means a healthier environment for staff, students and visitors.”

the sex issue

While he thought the ban was “progressive”, Mr Barber said he would like to be able to let customers smoke on the balcony. “[The ban] is not something I would have brought in myself had the University not brought in the blanket no-smoking policy. I’m not a smoker myself, but I support people’s right to choose.” “I have told people not to smoke outside, but telling them not to feels like asking them to leave. I’m running a business, I want people here.” Mr Barber also showed concern regarding the popularity of events at The Hunter Lounge on account of the smoke-free policy. Due to the fact that they cannot issue ‘pass-outs’, or tickets that allow attendees to return to an event after an off-site absence, The Hunter Lounge is not a smoker-friendly venue. “If they can’t go out and they can’t smoke here, then they just can’t smoke, and some people would see that as an invasion of their rights.” Clark agreed, saying the ban “has created problems at Orientation events at The Hunter Lounge – at music gigs, people expect to be able to go outside and smoke.” When asked if there have been any positive reactions about the smoking ban, Mr Barber said he had not heard any. “I’m sure they’re out there, but no, I haven’t had people saying how great it is.”

GENERAL EFFECT OF THE SMOKING BAN Students around Kelburn Campus have been frustrated by the concentrations of smokers at all of the entrances to the buildings. One student told Salient he found the problem with smokers had worsened since the ban. “Every time we leave classes, we walk through all of these people smoking and it isn’t a very nice note to leave on. When the smoking ban wasn’t in place, that wasn’t a problem because they were all spread out anyway.” Clark agreed, saying “instead of smokers being dispersed around campus, many students have complained that Kelburn Parade has become a river of smoke to walk through.”

NEWS

A FIRST TIME FOR EVERYTHING

CAMPUS DISCONNECTIONS

WINSTON PROPOSES UNIVERSAL ALLOWANCE FOR YOUNG AS WELL AS OLD

HAVE THEY TRIED TURNING IT OFF AND ON?

by Sophie Boot

by Gus Mitchell

ew Zealand First wants to introduce a universal student allowance for all full-time university students, as well as limiting the ability of international students to work while studying. NZ First’s Education spokesperson Tracey Martin told Salient that it was “unacceptable” that students “are the only group in our society where it is governmentally approved that they are forced to borrow to live.” “New Zealand First will remove income tests and introduce a universal living allowance for all full-time students in tertiary education.” “It is our view that if our society believes it is a right to tertiary education, then it is a right that is not dependent upon one’s parents’ income. It is also worthy of note that while our policy would provide a universal living allowance, it is also likely that students may, at times during their study, [be] require[d] to work part-time.” Martin also said that it was “unacceptable that 70,000 work visas can be issued to foreign fee-paying students while New Zealand students struggle to find part-time work.” “New Zealand First is doing policy work in this area, looking to the Australia foreign-fee-paying student criteria as an example, that would protect the ability of New Zealand students to gain part-time employment while studying.” Labour’s Tertiary Education spokesperson Grant Robertson told Salient that Labour thinks increasing the hours international students can work “runs the risk that we will attract more students for that reason than the quality of study.” “There have been examples of private training establishments that have been nothing more than fronts for immigration scams, and we need to do everything we can to avoid that,” Robertson said. The Government changed work restrictions for International Student Visa holders in 2013. The changes have allowed more students learning English in New Zealand to work part-time. They have also given full-time work rights during holidays to international students who are studying here for a year or more, and unlimited work rights to international PhD- and Master’s-byresearch students.

tudents are still having problems with accessing Uni Wi-Fi, despite the University saying the problem has been solved. The University most recently admitted to problems with the system on 4 April, tweeting that they were currently experiencing problems with Wi-Fi on campuses, and that “ITS are aware of the issue and are working to restore it.” Peter Borich, Associate Director Infrastructure and Services, ITS Service and Operations Group, said that the problem “was unfortunately caused by an error made during a planned upgrade to the wireless network to increase capacity and performance.” “These issues have been resolved, and we are confident that the wireless network at Victoria University will continue to meet the requirements of the 11,500 users regularly connecting each day,” Borich said. Despite this, students have continued to report that accessing Wi-Fi at University, particularly from mobile devices, is difficult or even impossible. “Yeah fuck them. It’s getting into week 6 and I want to be able to connect with my mobile,” one student complained on Overheard @ Vic. The University computer systems had initially been unable to keep up with students’ return to study in March. At that time, Borich said the connectivity issue was due to a software fault with the wireless controllers, and confirmed the fault was “resolved with the assistance from our network supplier [sic]”. A “planned upgrade to the wireless network” went ahead around week five of the trimester to address the issues with the connection and improve the performance of the network. The upgrade involved at least one “scheduled outage”.

$175.96 – amount you can borrow for living costs $210.88 – amount you can get from Student Allowance $55,027.96 – current parental threshold for Student Allowance 91,732 – number of international fee-paying students in New Zealand in 2012

editor@salient.org.nz

NEWS FEATURE

BROADER-CASTING RADIO NZ WANTS MORE FREQUENCY AMONGST YOUTH BY EMMA HURLEY

Radio New Zealand is for old fogeys. It wants to change this perception. Emma Hurley investigates.

adio New Zealand wants to attract a younger, more diverse audience, and make use of new forms of media. On 25 March, RNZ CEO Paul Thompson and Board Chair Richard Griffin spoke at a public meeting on the future of Radio New Zealand. Currently, 40 per cent of listeners are 65 or older, and Thompson says RNZ need to address their demographics. He says RNZ are “not representative of the community we serve” and need to address more diverse audiences. He wants RNZ to use online and audiovisual media, and says new youth-orientated website The Wireless is “the most exciting innovation from RNZ in recent years.” Elle Hunt, producer at The Wireless, said that the website is unique in that it caters specifically for young New Zealanders. “We see our point of difference as our focus on serving 18- to 30-year-old New Zealanders. There’s a lot out there for young people, sure, but not a lot that’s specific to this demographic, in this country. No other mainstream media outlet in New Zealand has made that under-30 age group a priority, and we have the advantage of being free, and commercial-free, as well.” Hunt said the service had been well received, and encouraged students to become involved. “We’ve been really pleased with the response thus far – we attracted 111,000 unique visitors since we launched in November last year and attracted 27,000 unique visitors last month. The signs are we’re starting to build a regular, committed readership.”

the sex issue

“We’re always on the lookout for new contributors, especially those with video or multimedia skills. If there’s something you want to see us cover, let us know. If you see something you like, share it around your social networks.” After speaking, Thompson and Griffin answered questions from the audience. There were not many young people present. When asked about RNZ’s funding situation, Thompson said there is “enough money to do what we need to do in the next year or two”, but RNZ will need more capital in the future. RNZ’s government funding has not been increased in six years. Attendees were concerned about advertising or political influence compromising RNZ’s integrity. Thompson says RNZ will remain “vigorously independent” from political and commercial pressure, but does not rule out considering sponsorship for some programmes. RNZ reach 500,000 listeners per week, but Thompson hopes to double that figure to one million by 2024. Salient spoke to Dr Peter Thompson, Media Studies lecturer at Victoria, about the future of RNZ and public-service broadcasting. RNZ say they will remain politically independent, but are considering introducing sponsorship. Dr Thompson says he would not object “too hard, for example, against the idea that Concert FM could carry a sponsor for some programmes.” “However, there’s a slippery-slope argument to say if you do that for Concert FM it’ll be Morning Report sponsored by ANZ, and I think that would be unacceptable.” “The independence of a public-service

broadcaster is guaranteed by the fact that it doesn’t have to chase ratings and revenue in every single time slot.” In reflecting the range of ethnic and regional issues, Dr Thompson said RNZ does a better job than most commercial broadcasters. “It is difficult to strike a balance between serving the NZ public as a whole and serving all communities and interests on a local level.” “That’s why we need community radio services, iwi radio stations and the National Pacific Radio Trust in the wider media ecology.”

WHAT IS HAPPENING WITH RADIO AT VICTORIA?

BC (Victoria Broadcasting Club) is Victoria’s student radio station, established in 2007, and available on 88.3FM or online. ‘Til this year, it has been funded to the tune of $30,000 annually, with money from the Student Services Levy – the fee paid by all students. It is ‘owned’ by the VBC Trust, an inactive group who deregistered in 2013 and agreed to hand over the station to VUWSA. The status of the VBC going forward is unclear: it owes more to the IRD in liabilities than it has in assets. Duncan and Cam, the current Salient editors, would like to see the VBC brought into the Salient fold. A shift in focus towards online podcasting seems to be the most viable option for the future of the radio. Another option is to partner with Radio New Zealand to run the station, which would fit in with the company’s objective of becoming more relevant to students.

FEM-DOMS GOVERNMENT FINALLY ALLOWS WOMEN TO WEAR PROTECTION by Steph Trengrove

CAMPUS DIGEST BY SOFIA ROBERTS

omen can now access more contraception than ever, with female condoms now available. A recent amendment to the Contraception, Sterilisation, and Abortion Act 1977 now allows for the sale of female condoms within New Zealand. The female condom is a soft, transparent, non-latex sheath about the same length as a male condom which protects against both pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections. Previously, female condoms were not available in New Zealand, as Medsafe had not approved the material from which they are made; a synthetic latex material known as nitrile. However, in late 2013, Medsafe carried out a consultation on the standard for female condoms and subsequently submitted a recommendation for approval to the Ministry of Health. Positive Women Inc (PWI), the national support organisation for women and families living with HIV and AIDS, has been a strong advocate for the legalisation of female condoms for over three years. PWI Coordinator Jane Bruning said that she was “ecstatic” with the amendment. “The female condom empowers women to take control over their sexual health and safety, making it an important option for women. The next battle will be to ensure they are subsidised so they are not only available but affordable, at the same level as the male condom,” said Bruning. PWI stated that the female condom means women no longer need to negotiate safer sex with their partners, as it allows women control over their own sexual health and wellbeing, as well as providing a real-world alternative to the medicated contraception options currently available. The female condom is also said to enhance practicality, as it can be inserted into the vagina hours before sex takes place, and pleasure, as the design is said to enrich the sensation of sex. An official launch for the FC2 female condom will take place on 1 May 2014, when they will also be publicly available via the GLYDE Healthcare website. Retail stockists across New Zealand will have them for sale from Friday 2 May 2014.

ViciLeaks Recent terrible weather has seen leaks springing up all over Kelburn Campus. Students have posted photos of leaks around the University on Overheard @ Vic. Leaks have been reported in Murphy, Kirk and von Zedlitz, as well as in lecture theatres in Maclaurin and Hugh Mackenzie.

Car-Sharing PledgeMe Shyft, a proposed Wellington car-sharing operation, is seeking crowd-funding as part of Wellington City Council’s inaugural Smart Energy Challenge. The Council will match up to $10,000 of the funds raised through the project’s PledgeMe. Cheap cars would be bought and then be available for use by anyone. A fee of $15 per hour would cover gas and insurance, in a scheme already being used in North America, Australia and the UK. Shyft aims to reduce carbon emissions in Wellington and reduce the amount people spend on private transport. It would take 40 users per car to get the scheme off the ground and 60 to make it profitable. Each of the cars would be painted in a individual fashion.

Vic Student Potential MP Victoria University student Jack Tautokai McDonald, 20, is running for the Green Party in Te Tai Hauāuru, the Māori electorate currently held by Tariana Turia, for the second time. He ran previously in 2011, and helped lift the Greens’ share of the nationwide party vote to 10.9 per cent. This election, he hopes to help lift the vote to 15 per cent, which would bring him into Parliament as a list MP.

editor@salient.org.nz

NEWS

NEWS OF THE WORLD

iPredict is a market-based political and economic prediction market owned and operated by Victoria University of Wellington. Visit www.ipredict.co.nz to get involved. Probabilities are correct at time of publication.

by Elise Munden

GRILL AND BEER IT

Portugese scientist recently took on the important task of researching the effect of beer on grilled meat. Despite being finger-lickin’ good, meat that has been grilled on a barbecue forms polycyclic aromatic hydrocarbons, which increase the risk of colon cancer due to damage done to the eater’s DNA. Because antioxidants are created when barley is roasted to produce beer, the scientist hypothesised that these antioxidants would neutralise the harmful molecules present in grilled meat. Sure enough, a marinade made from Pilsner or dark beer increased both the healthiness and deliciousness of your favourite slab of cooked cow.

HELEN CLARK TO BE APPOINTED NEXT UN SECRETARY GENERAL.

37.8%

SENIORS GET SCANDALOUS WITH STRIPPERS

Long Island nursing home treated its residents to a male striptease to ease the anxiety of imminent death. But one family was not happy when their granny got grinded on. When the son of 86-year-old Bernice Youngblood saw a photo of his mother stuffing dollar dollar bills into a stripper’s tighty-whiteys, he immediately complained to the rest home. Much to his dismay, the people taking care of his elderly mother ignored his complaints, prompting him to file a lawsuit. Mr Youngblood’s lawyer stated that Bernice “has lived 85 years as a traditional Baptist, hard-working lady… And now she has been defiled.” The real concern, though, seems to be that Bernice was using her son’s precious inheritance money to pay the stripper.

BADASS BABY

victim of a violent mob attack in Pakistan blamed an entire family for the injuries they sustained during a riot. The youngest member of the family – nine-monthold baby Musa Khan – was also included in this claim, and has now been charged with attempted murder. Musa is currently in hiding and has been very uncooperative with police. He cried while having his fingerprints taken, and tried to play with journalists’ microphones while they interviewed his grandfather. Thank goodness the local judge granted the baby bail, otherwise he might have fallen behind in learning his ABCs.

NEW ZEALAND TO BE ELECTED TO UN SECURITY COUNCIL FOR 2015-16.

43%

NEW ZEALAND AND SOUTH KOREA TO SIGN A FREE TRADE AGREEMENT BEFORE 1 DEC 2014.

46.7%

NEW ZEALAND COURTS TO EXTRADITE KIM DOTCOM TO THE UNITED STATES BEFORE 1 JANUARY 2015.

10.9%

EVIDENCE CONTRADICTING JOHN KEY’S STATEMENT ON KNOWLEDGE OF KIM DOTCOM TO BE BROADCAST OR PUBLISHED.

10%

the sex issue

COLUMN

BE N T

ello everyone, I might as well jump in with what I know about the topic of sex within the queer community. I’ll start with females and non-binary gender. In the queer realm, sex can basically be anything. Touching genitals, using toys and basically, as far I know, getting naked and playing with each other’s bits whatever they may or may not be. It is very important to make it clear that sex does not just cover sexual intercourse. Sex for the main part is whatever you make of it. Are you a virgin? You could be! My definition of sex and what it takes to lose your virginity might not be the same as yours. While within the straight community if you have been penetrated you have lost your virginity, some couples might not be able to have that kind of sexual relationship but still have sex and still lose their virginity. The whole concept of sex is very heteronormative and doesn’t really cross-over the best. If you want to know more, I recommend finding either a good website or, for the more personal touch, a member from UniQ who

identifies similarly to you, and you could have a chat. Trust me: we’re very open. Male-on-male sex is pretty self-explanatory in concept – one tops and one bottoms (if you’re talking about penetration); but like ANY OTHER KIND OF SEX, there are things you should think of, the main ones being CONSENT and PROTECTION. Consent isn’t a one-time thing: make sure your partner is okay the whole time. And you don’t need to always be a ‘top’ or ‘bottom’: you can be both, and that’s called being versatile. The top is the guy who puts his penis into the other guy, the bottom. A top should always use a condom and lube; “It doesn’t fit” or “It kills my erection” are shitty excuses, and if they use these on you, ditch them: you’re better than that. They’re in control during sex, so you should make sure you’re as safe as possible. Tops PLEASE start slow because as much fun as having internal organs rearranged is, no one likes to be ripped a new one. Bottoms, you should be enjoying this. If it hurts, try some foreplay, use some lube and try to relax! You can clean yourself out with a douche and some lukewarm water beforehand (you have no nerves for temperatures in your anus so don’t burn yourself ). Do not use soap. I don’t generally do this: going to the toilet, having a shower and making sure you’re clean is generally enough and has been fine and dandy for me, but if you’re worried then go ahead. Check out http://www.loveyourcondom.co.nz/ for more help. Good luck and have fun,

Jonny Abbott uniqvictoria@gmail.com

editor@salient.org.nz

POLITICS

Ramblin gs o f a fallen hack BEST PARTY ON CAMPUS

lack bow tie, champagne flute in hand, on the balcony laughing at the commoners below. Not exactly party of the people. Last week, the Young Nats held their annual ball. Leftists responded to the $100 ticket price with a party of their own, taking to the streets outside the venue with free soup and live music. It was as close to class warfare as we get in this country and the media were enthralled, the Nats’ haughty gesticulations projected into the 6 pm news. For a party selling itself as the spokespeople of middle New Zealand, it betrayed an embarrassing arrogance. Gratuitous conceit is not a good look. The Young Nats are not the revolution. Steady hands on the tiller, better public services, a stable environment for business investment, reductions in the core Crown deficit – the National Party’s mantras don’t exactly grab at your heartstrings. Yet they still convince hundreds of young people to abandon their weekends delivering pamphlets or making fundraising telephone calls. These are young people who are immune to the sweepings of the political tides, young people whose only interaction with minimum wage rates is the markup they pay on their latte. It’s hard to see why so many bother. But of course the Young Nats have always been as much social club as political movement. Their history is as a drinking club for the rural

elite, the politics corollary to the collective pride of the landed class. These days, they have to compete with more than just cow-tipping, but their basic purpose remains the same. They are the door through which privileged youth gaze upon the corridors of power. Reading through their activists’ Twitter feeds reveals more half-formed sass and political in-jokes than policy analysis or ideology. The Young Nats are in it for the game. But for some that’s not enough. According to one Young Nat I talked to while researching this column, the organisation is riddled with “toffs” – hacks who care less about the game than they do about ensuring that their pocket square matches their necktie. For these people, politics is manifestation of class pride, the celebration of aristocratic nostalgia. It is these hacks who so gratuitously celebrated the privilege of the ball, who were so astoundingly lacking in self-awareness. The toffs, I was assured, have little power in the broader party, but they aren’t particularly interested in that anyway. They are in politics for affiliation with the elite. This year, the Young Nats have been calling themselves the “Best Party on Campus”. It is apt. For those insulated from the blizzard outside, there’s a good party to be had in playing with the weather. All I’d recommend is that they hide their smirks as they reach for the levers, lest we realise how little they feel the cold.

by Jade d’Hack

the sex issue

HISTORICAL SASS “There’s no such thing as Māori crime, there’s just crime.” — Retiring MP Tau Henare, beloved by the Young Nats and an all-round top bloke. Parliament will miss him.

Top 5 Things You Should Care More About Than a Royal I n fa n t 1. Climate change 2. Income inequality 3. A New Zealand Republic 4. The rise of China and geopolitics. 5. A New Zealand Republic

THE HOUSE THIS WEEK 1. Industry Training and Apprenticeships Amendment Bill – Changes and modernises apprenticeship schemes. 2. Social Security (Fraud Measures and Debt Recovery) Amendment Bill – Potentially threatens spouses of benefit fraudsters with prosecution. 3. Trade (Safeguard Measures) Bill – Provides domestic industry with trade protection. 4. Victims of Crime Reform Bill – This bill amends legislation so as to implement the Government’s reform package for victims of crime.

B y J o r d a n M c C lu s k e y

COLUMN

The I ntrepi d V C G u i lf o r d E p i so d e 7

“J

esus Bloody Christ! Put your foot down, Petersen!” “You’re driving, sir.” “Oh, so I am.” The wheels screeched, smoke and rain and street lighting blending together in a haze that obscured the back of Guilford’s 2002 Nissan Lancer before being whirled away in gush as it shot out of the Hunter car park and onto the street. *ROLL TITLE SEQUENCE* THEME TUNE: ‘Wild Boys’ – Duran Duran “Y’know Petersen,” said Guilford earlier that same day, “my father was a strange man; he bred cows and pigs, although he only had one of each so he never got very far. But he had persistence, he taught me to never give up.” “Yes, sir.” “Never get distracted, he said, you never know when you might need to help ya swine give birth to a cow/pig hybrid. What’s on the agenda today, Petersen?” “Your presence is required at the Council meeting, sir.” Later, at the Council meeting: “So, we’re agreed that we will have to cut some majors from our humanities programmes?” “Now look here,” said Guilford. “All I’m sayin’ is we can’t afford to be tighter with the current budget, and if the Council would just give me a little bit more fundin’, off the books so to speak, then espionage would be so much—“. He stopped, for he had spotted some sausage rolls in a basket on the table. “Oh,” he said, “who brought these in?” “What? Oh. Those. Sharon I think.” “Sharon?” “Yes, Guilford?” “Mind if I have a sausage roll?” “What? Oh yeah that’s fine, help yourself. Just leave some for my son’s birthday party this evening.” Guilford began tucking into the sausage roll. “Guilford?” “Mmmhmm?” “You were saying?”

“Oh yes, I guess we need more money for reconnaiss— bloody hell, Sharon, these are amazing! I’ll just grab a sneaky second one if you don’t mind.” “The thing is, VC,” said the Chancellor, “we can’t condone this ‘infiltration’ business of yours any—“ “Ab-so-loot-ly phenomenal, Sharon! I’ll just grab a third; I didn’t have lunch, see, so—“ “Now where was I? We can’t tolerate this behaviour, Guilford. The Toga Party, soliciting students to conduct surveillance for you, hiding under bookshelves in the library? It’s unacceptable.” “Theef are bluffy amathing.” “Now really Guilford, I really did want to take some back home with me.” “Guilford! Susan! Let me finish. Guilford, I’m not sure we can continue to have you on in your current capacity if you—“ Guilford put both hands into the basket and began stuffing his pockets with the rolls. “Petersen! Run!” They dashed out the door. “He stole my sausage rolls!” screamed Susan, before fainting to the floor. “After him!” Guilford and Petersen ran down the staircase two at a time, out into the car park, and clambered into the Lancer. “Why did you do that, sir?” “When I was 17, I told my father that I’d lost my virginity – ‘Where’s the last place you remember having it?’ he said. The point being, the best way to get out of a sticky situation is with confusion. They were about to fire me, Petersen!” “You planned the whole thing, from the first sausage roll?” “Well no, at first I couldn’t help myself, but as soon as I realised what was happening, I had to set in motion some covert moves pretty quick, Petersen.” Headlights all at once blinded Guilford. A green Ford Focus crashed into the side of the Nissan Lancer. Moderate-comfort-at-areasonable-price paint and glass was blasted across the road. “Petersen! Are you okay?!”

“Yes, yes I think so, sir.” “I dropped the fucking sausage rolls.” The Ford Focus sat motionless a few metres away. Smoke was teeming out from under its bonnet, and its hazard lights were blinking. “We better make sure they’re okay; come on, Petersen.” Guilford tried opening his door, but the crash had wedged it shut. “Try your side, Petersen.” The Focus revved its engine, reversed, and raced towards them for a second time. “What the hell? Go Petersen go!” Petersen opened his door, and the two had just fallen to the ground when the Focus hit. Another moment passed before its driver door was opened and out stepped a sarcastic and spiteful-looking woman. “I’ve got you now, Guilford,” she said. “Who the fuck is that, Petersen?” Guilford whispered. “Casey, she’s sarcastic.” “Ah, Casey, of course, the sarcastic and spiteful woman.” “From admissions,” said Petersen. “What do you want Casey, you sarcastic and spiteful woman from admissions?” “Well isn’t this just how I planned to spend my evening.” She cackled maniacally, and kicked off the driver’s door to the Focus which was hanging by a thread of metal. “What do you want from me?” “Nothing, I’ve done it already. You thought you could admit Arcadia-Rae to Tourism behind my back. But once I heard the Council chasing you past my office, I went right ahead and had her removed from her courses.” “Why’d you crash into our car then?” “I think, sir, she did it out of spite.” “Oh. That makes sense.” A black sedan pulled up beside the group, and the Chancellor stuck his head out the back window. “You’re fired, Guilford.” “Jesus Christ, god damn it to bloody hell Petersen, this is all your fault.”

by Hugo McKinnon

editor@salient.org.nz

COLUMN

C B T This i n s ta l me n t o f CBT wa s b ro u g ht to yo u by mind-re a d i n g th i n ki ng a nd a ssu m pt io ns t hat have not be e n c h a ll e n g ed sinc e t he indiv idua l was e i g ht ye a r s o ld .

BT tells us that social anxiety is sometimes caused by negative automatic thoughts. CBT tells us that for the individual in question, merely challenging negative thoughts isn’t enough. CBT tells us that for the shitty individual in question, controlling the physical responses to anxiety means that negative thoughts sometimes— It’s daylight-saving time and that means I’m walking down to town from University and it’s dark and I’m wet and it’s spitting. I’m walking past Little Penang and I’m looking inside and inside there is a girl who shared my tutorial a year ago and who invited me to a potluck the other day because sometimes we see each other on the street, and we are aware that we watch the same television programme (with the same kind of fervour). I’m thinking about potlucks and I’m thinking things like she probably knows you’re boring. The point is, obviously, she doesn’t really want you at the potluck and you should make this decision for her as you know what it is that she wants, and the whole thing with the people would just be uncomfortable, and heavy. You know. I’m wondering about the difference between shyness and disintegration. I’m walking past St James and thinking about ‘automatic negative thoughts’ and I’m realising that telling myself to JUST RATIONALISE, BEB is not going to work. Uncomfortable and heavy. It’s still spitting and this social angst is light but like kind of heavy, like this first coat of rain-spit on my clothes in April. You need to repetitively challenge negative thoughts because this will affect your memory processes and your neural pathways!!! But: positive thoughts and affirmations and scented candles are not your thing because in your current state of mind they seem totally irrational, and tasteless. I’m thinking: these positive thoughts will never be rational for you and so maybe you will forever have scared neural pathways, or, maybe you could deal with your hot cheeks and shallow breathing now and wait for your thoughts to catch up later. Catch up, to your calmer body. I’m thinking I won’t be able to rationalise all of my scared thoughts all the time and always, but maybe if I focus on slowing my body then I will know shyness, not disintegration. CBT tells us that for the shitty individual in question, merely challenging negative thoughts sometimes isn’t enough. Cog niti ve b e h av i o u r a l t her a py ( CBT ) is a talk therap y us e d to t reat disru pt ive t hink ing as well a s d i ag n o s e d m enta l il l nesses. E ac h C BT cli e nt w i ll us e i t i n t heir ow n way, a nd st u dents who thi n k i t co ul d hel p t hem c a n v isit St u dent He alt h .

BY JA NE T 16

the sex issue

M AO R I M AT T E R S

hroughout our history, sexuality among Māori is something that has been celebrated, exploited and re-evaluated. Interestingly enough, Māori culture is accepting of a diverse range of sexual practices, as can be seen depicted in whakairo or wood carvings, and traditional songs as well as preserved relics. Indeed the haka, more commonly known by mainstream New Zealand as an aggressive war dance, was also used by some iwi as a way of showing physical or sexual prowess. There’s the Ngāti Porou haka Ruaumoko still being performed today; let’s just say that it isn’t just about earthquakes. Must say something about that iwi. The Māori words that mean ‘to have sex’ or ‘to copulate’ are ‘ai’ and ‘ati’. However, ‘ai’ and ‘ati’ can also mean ‘progeny’ and ‘procreate’. This is where we get the words ‘Ngāi’, ‘Ngāti’, ‘Te Ati’ and ‘Aitanga’ that are applied to a tipuna or ancestor’s name to identify which iwi or hapū we belong to. For example: Ngāti Tūwharetoa = Ngā ati a Tūwharetoa The progeny of Tūwharetoa Te Ati Haunui-ā-Pāpārangi = The descendants of Haunui-ā-Pāpārangi Ngāi Tahu = Ngā ai a Tahu The descendants of Tahu Te Aitanga a Mahaki = The progeny of Mahaki There is also considerable evidence of a diversity of relationship structures within traditional Māori culture; rangatira (of either sex) in particular often had many spouses. Similarly, a man or woman was able to favour a number of lovers without any detriment to his or her character. With the exception of puhi (high-born women set aside for a political marriage), sex before marriage carried no stigma. Carvings, written documents and oral storytelling suggest that erotic love occurred between people of the same gender, and that women and men had several sexual partners during their lives. However, this is not to say that Māori people were commitment-phobes either. From a Māori perspective, if you slept together, lived together and had children together, you were married – with or without a ceremony. It didn’t mean that you couldn’t split up, but sharing a bed with someone was a serious commitment. This changed as Europeans introduced Victorian morals to New Zealand, and traditional songs and stories were censored. Guttered. Ngāi Tau ira Ngāi Tauira – the Māori students’ association, which represents the interests of tauira Māori studying at Victoria University. Ngāi Tauira provides a legitimate voice for tauira Māori whereby they can feel comfortable and culturally safe within a Western academic environment. http://www.ngaitauira.org.nz/ ngaitauira@vuw.ac.nz

B Y

Pu ru Tai tam a

SONYA SAYS

ast week the Deputy Mayor, Justin Lester, came and visited the VUWSA offices for a chat. Since the new Council was elected last year in October, they’ve been really keen to talk to us and hear about what students need and want for Wellington City. While many students commute in from the wider Wellington region, the majority of students live in the city itself. Whether it’s a damp flat in Aro Valley, a trek up the Brooklyn hill every day, or living at home in Johnsonville or Miramar, the roads, hills, valleys and systems of Wellington are a part of our daily student lives. Because the city is a big part of our lives as students, I do my best to make sure that the Wellington City Council is aware of the needs of students. We recently did this by submitting on the Council’s Annual Plan, which outlines what it’s doing in the next year to make Wellington a better place. I think that to most students, Wellington is generally known as a pretty expensive city to live in, with pretty cold and windy weather. We compare our rents with our Dunedin friends’ and our weather with Auckland’s (mostly). While these aren’t the best attributes, many of us moved to Wellington for university because it is known as a great city for events and culture. If you live centrally, it is also great to walk around (while public transport still costs a lot). In our submission, we told the Council that more needs to be done to make student flats in Wellington safe, healthy and affordable. Mayor Celia Wade-Brown and many of the other Councillors are really on board with this. Houses should be safe: after the earthquakes last year, many students didn’t know whether their buildings were okay, and felt they had little power to ask landlords for a building inspection. Houses should be healthy: the Council is also currently trialling a rental warrant of fitness on some housing, which will make sure that housing meets a minimum standard (just like a vehicle) to be safe and healthy for people to live in. If this could be rolled out across all rental properties, then horror stories of soaking-wet walls and mouldy wardrobes wouldn’t have to be a thing anymore. We’re working on this and we’ll keep you posted. Walking in the city is a big part of our lives – Lambton Ward Councillor Nicola Young has asked us to show her the paths and steps that need fixing or need better lighting installed. Send me an email if there’s a particular street or set of steps that are bothering you – by talking to the right people, we can get onto these things quickly. Have a great week – and make sure you come along to University Challenge trials on Wednesday for your chance to be on the Victoria team on TV! See our Facebook for more details. Your Prez, Son ya Cla r k | P r esid e nt Phone: (04) 463 6986 Email: sonya.clark@vuw.ac.nz Website: www.vuwsa.org.nz Twitter: @Sonya_NZ In person: SU 403, VUWSA Offices, Level 4, Student Union Building (next to the new microwaves!)

ENGAGEMENT VICEPRESIDENT

ia ora! I’m Declan Doherty-Ramsay, your Engagement VicePresident for 2014. I’m the second person to be Engagement VP at VUWSA, with Mica having kicked off the role in 2013. (However, I am the first Engagement VP who is actually engaged – my now fiancée graciously agreed to marry me when I asked her a few months after I was elected.) So it’s probably not a surprise I spend a decent amount of my time both in and out of University answering the question: “What exactly does the Engagement Vice-President do?” When you look at the word ‘engagement’, you’ve got about four different contexts, with synonyms ranging from ‘betrothal’ to ‘battle’, ‘commitment’ to ‘skirmish’, ‘appointment’ to ‘tweetup’ (seriously, this is right up there in the search results). It’s when you get to the synonyms ‘participation’ and ‘involvement’ that you start to get to the core of what the Engagement VP role here at VUWSA is designed to do. At university, it is easy to get bogged down with all things boring and serious. We have classes and tutorials to attend, assignments to submit, tests to take, and exams to sit. But while getting your degree is important, it’s not the be-all and end-all of university life. Clubs, events, campaigns, societies, rep groups, hanging out with friends in the Hub – all these things are the ‘life’ part of your time at University, helping you make connections past “Hey, isn’t that guy in my tutorial?” Though it’s no easy task getting over 20,000 students involved and participating on campus, this year’s Engagement Team is up to the challenge. In addition to me, you’ve got Alasdair, our Campaigns Officer, and Toby, our Clubs and Activities Officer. We’re working hard organising events and opportunities for students to connect with each other and with university life. Coming up at VUWSA: We’ve got forums for the politically inclined (election year – don’t forget to register to vote!) We’ve got the return of the Faculty Games in Trimester 2. We’ve got Club Showcases. We’ve got the University Challenge – trials are being held this Wednesday at 5.30! And much, much more. So keep an eye out for upcoming events – we’ve got a cracker of a year ahead of us. Get involved, get participating and engage in your University experience. All the best,

Declan Do h ert y - Ram s ay | Eng ag em ent V i ce- Pres i dent Phone: (04) 473 7406 Mobile: 0273506220 Email: declan.doherty-ramsay@vuw.ac.nz Website: www.vuwsa.org.nz Twitter: @thelucideffect

editor@salient.org.nz

FEATURE

I T A

D O N ’ T

THING

I T ’ S

M E A N

UNLESS

G O T

T H AT

Swing B Y

the sex issue

P H I L I P

M C S W E E N E Y

FEATURE

polyamory. In these policy, which means that people can peep in situations, having should their sex organs desire, while others sexual relations have a designated system to ensure a couple’s In this two-part series, Philip McSweeney explores with more than one (or trio’s, or more) privacy for the act – either polyamory. He wanted to find out whether it was as partner is seen as a a shut-door or the classic ‘tie-around-theswinging as it sounds. You can find part two online at recreational choice doorknob’ symbol. Once the sexual acts where emotional are performed and appetites satiated, the www.salient.org.nz feelings are ideally participants happily return to their everyday at the door. As one person in the swinging lives – at least in theory. Part I: It don’t mean a thing left scene analogised, it helps to think of nonunless it’s got that swing primary sexual partners as “sex toys” – to This is only one facet of polyamory. Another be used to achieve a mutual satisfaction and type of polyamorous person prefers to have “Last night, my boyfriend fucked another left at the scene afterwards. This, I imagine, multiple, equally intimate relationships at girl,” Isobel[1] told me over a beer. I’ve known is easier said than done, and it is nigh-on once, eschewing the rubric of a ‘primary’ and Isobel since we were but squirts,[2] so the impossible to dismiss the fact that the acts ‘secondary’ partner(s). I turned to Ashley for revelation came as a shock; more surprising you undertake are done with a fellow human. insight. She has been practicing polyamory was the lackadaisical, even mischievous, It is most difficult for rookies to the scene, for three years. What sparked her interest? “I tone of voice in which she told me. “I’m in although I’m assured that the knack is was at the end of a monogamous relationship an open relationship,” she clarified. For how acquired with time. So, why swing, or enter and my close friend said: ‘I don’t want to long? What how why? For six months, as it into a non-monogamous relationship? The intrude, but I think you’d be happier as a turned out. About a year-and-a-half into her answers I received were varied: the mere couple if you were polyamorous [like me].’” relationship, the honeymoon-stage magic was act itself provides a sexual thrill; it can help That was all it took to sow the seed of the idea. wearing thin, and both were feeling sexually reinvigorate relationships gone stagnant; it’s Following the conclusion of her relationship, adventurous. After a long discussion, they an opportunity to explore, and came to a mutual, consensual accord that hopefully satisfy, your sexual both could see other sexual partners should fantasies and urges in a safe it helps to think of nonthey so desire, while both still remained environment. Additionally: primary sexual partners sexually and romantically involved with one “it’s just a lot of fun”. as “sex toys” – to be another. So far it’s worked a treat. But don’t In New Zealand, it is you get, like, jealous? Isobel looked bemused: difficult to enter into a used to achieve a mutual “Why would I get jealous? I think she’s hot community based around this satisfaction and left at the too.” particular type of polyamory. scene afterwards. Polyamory is a vast sorta thing, the Overseas, one simply has situation as outlined above one permutation to type ‘orgy’, ‘swingers’, or among countless. In the course of my ‘casual’ into craigslist to generate a cornucopia Ashley delved into the polyamorous lifestyle, research, I talked to lots of different people, of results. Here, many participants in the seeing multiple partners both sexually and all of whose experiences with polyamory community have got there via word of mouth. emotionally and valuing each and every one. were unique. Breaking ‘polyamory’ down There is only one Swingers club in southern It is now an inexorable aspect of her personal semantically results in a combination of Te Ika-a-Māui, and as far as I can ascertain, life. I wondered if the logistics were hard ‘multiple’ and ‘love’, although perhaps a they are only open monthly and are allegedly – at one stage, she had seven lovers, five of better etymology would combine ‘multiple’ comprised mostly of the middle-aged and whom (three males and two females) she had and ‘intimacy’ – some branches of polyamory, older. There is also a slightly younger group “serious” feelings for – “feelings that could such as swinging and open relationships, in their 30s who meet and mingle once a turn into love”. l consider sexual acts committed outside a month, but for curious 20-somethings, the ‘primary’ relationship relatively meaningless, only available recourse is knowing the right an anthropomorphised sex-aid that does not people. Dating sites such as OkCupid and [1] All names have, for obvious reasons, been detract from the love of a primary relationship. subreddits have helped to foster a sort of changed. I have decided to change the names For others, polyamory describes a lifestyle burgeoning community among a younger to characters of a book I’m currently reading; that allows them to engage in multiple, but populace, but nothing quite as secure as the I will shout the first person to deduce which equally fulfilling, relationships and courtships tight-knit older subsets. novel it is a coffee xx. at once. The project is built around consent As for where these polyamorous swingers’ [2] Glorious times – we used to see each and honesty – sorry philanderers, but parties occur; usually a particular house is other mostly on Friday nights, which back cheating is not polyamory. Guts. chosen and decorated for the purpose – there then was as good as it got – any semblance Curious? Let’s open up open relationships, are ‘glory-hole’ rooms, porn rooms, spanking of responsibility was acceded, the chance of dip into swing(ing culture), look at polygamy rooms, and showers are made available for getting takeaways and getting out a movie without bigotry. hot standin’-up coitus and watersports. Some was high, perhaps a relative would visit and As already mentioned, ‘swinging’ and ‘open of these events operate under an ‘open-door’ we’d get to travel to the airport. relationships’ fall within the parameters of

Bi-Polyamory

editor@salient.org.nz

FEATURE

PornHub By Penny Gault

LAW RE:PORN

hose enjoying what Judith Collins considers “particular technical expertise” (you clever cookies who can stream videos online) could soon be paying up to $2000 to watch 2 Girls 1 Cup. The Objectionable Publications and Indecency Legislation Bill has passed its First Reading in Parliament, and is currently under consideration by the Select Committee. The Bill proposes to close a gap in current censorship law through which people streaming an “objectionable publication” online are able avoid prosecution.

What’s the law on porn censorship?

Section 131 of the Films, Videos, and Publications Classification Act 1993 (the Act) makes it an offence to be in possession of an objectionable publication. If the person knows, or has reasonable cause to believe, that the publication is objectionable, they could face up to five years in prison or a $50,000 fine.

So what’s considered “objectionable”, and who gets to decide?

The Classification Office, led by Andrew Jack, determines what’s 20

the sex issue

objectionable. Its decision operates retrospectively. So once something’s deemed “objectionable”, a person could be prosecuted for possessing it – even if they’ve had it for years. “Objectionable” is defined as describing or depicting, expressing or otherwise dealing with matters such as sex, horror, crime, cruelty or violence in such a manner that the availability of the publication is likely to be injurious to the public good. That’s a lot of porn. A publication is deemed objectionable if it tends to promote or support: a) the exploitation of children for sexual purposes; b) the use of violence to compel someone to submit to sexual conduct; c) necrophilia (sex with dead bodies); d) the use of urine or excrement in degrading or dehumanising or sexual conduct; e) bestiality; or f) acts of torture or the infliction of extreme violence or cruelty. Former Chief Censor Bill Hastings noted that the sorts of publications likely to be captured by this are “real videos of children being molested or of women being raped.” Fictional movies with actors are less likely to be banned, unless (for example) “the whole film promote[s] or support[s] rape.” The Act doesn’t cover broadcasting videos – so streaming porn online isn’t included. As long as you don’t download it, you can watch people getting off shitting on dead bodies while they’re being whipped to your heart’s content. But that could be about to change.

What changes are proposed?

Basically, just watching something objectionable will be enough for prosecution. While the original intention was to punish and deter sexual exploitation of children, the way the Bill is drafted means that someone who watched a video containing sex with a dead body (or anything else “objectionable”) could equally be punished. The sentences are also going to be more serious. The maximum term of imprisonment for knowingly possessing objectionable material would be raised from five to ten years – a heavier penalty than the one currently imposed for committing an indecent act on a young person, suggesting that Parliament thinks porn is worse than inappropriately touching a child.

Will porn censorship really deter sex offending?

David Friedman, a Law lecturer at Santa Clara University, argues that paedophilia is an inbuilt biological characteristic that is unavoidable in some people. Friedman hopes that satisfying paedophiliac desire by increasing the availability of child pornography will reduce the rate of sex offending. He recommends child porn be made with adult actors made to look younger using CGI. Chrissy Brown, President of the VUW Women’s Group, says: “using porn to tackle or reduce that crime is normalising [paedophilia] which is ... extremely … dangerous.” Instead, promoting porn as an alternative to sex offending “just creates and widens the market.” As Friedman reflects, it’s hard to imagine this would ever become law. But it’s an interesting thought.

FEATURE

DON JON’S LONG SCHLONG

iving the dream, Joseph Gordon-Levitt wrote, directed and starred in Don Jon alongside Scarlett Johansson. Don watches a lot of porn. In examining the effects of porn in mainstream media, Don Jon gives us an avenue through which to discuss those issues usually kept under the sheets. A predominant concern among social commentators is the damage porn causes – to individuals, to relationships, to society at large. Basically, we’re all doomed to die wanking alone. Porn is dangerous. It builds a culture of unrealistic expectations of sex and relationships, men get addicted, and women are harmed. Or so the argument goes. 30 per cent of the internet is porn. A 2009 study of 29,000 US college students indicated that around 64 per cent of men and 18 per cent of women at university viewed porn weekly. And you know how often you watch it. If porn’s so popular, maybe it’s society that’s fucked.

Don: “I don’t watch too many movies. The pretty woman, the pretty man, the first kiss, the break-up, the make-up, they drive off into the sunset. Everyone knows it’s fake but they watch it like it’s real life.”

A common fear is that by using porn as a model for ‘real-life’ sexual relationships, people develop unrealistic expectations of sex and of their sexual partners. But surely this is true of most films? Don’t we have at least an inkling of desire to star in our own rom com? It seems the difference lies in the physical. In the latest Porn Studies journal, Brian McNair argues there’s no convincing evidence that porn has any direct effect on behaviour. Instead, the effects of porn are described vaguely as “conditioning”, “desensitising”, or contributing towards a “predisposition towards aggression”. Last year in the UK, a 12-year-old boy raped his seven-year-old sister after watching porn on his friend’s Xbox. He said he wanted to “try it out”. Could you have any more convincing evidence?

Don: “I don’t know if I really want a wife and kids.”

Dr Victor Cline, a sexual therapist, reflects that in his experience, porn leads to sexual deviancy or disruption of real intimate relationships. Dr Cline describes “porn impotence”, whereby men especially prefer porn to real sexual experiences, as a growing phenomenon. As humans are designed to bond to the object of their sexual desires, porn can create a “virtual mistress”. Partners frequently sense this, and feel “lonely and rejected”, and some consider the attachment to porn a form of infidelity. This may help explain the pop-ups on porn websites advertising “desperate hookers” and “cheating moms in your area” as providing some obscure moral reassurance that those watching porn aren’t alone in their sexual ‘deviance’.

Don: “There’s only a few things I really care about in life … My porn.”

The human brain evolved to pursue sex as a means of survival; we’re wired to enjoy and want more of it. Addiction is different: it’s compulsive continued behaviour despite negative consequences, like waking up at 7 am demanding coffee when all you wanted was a sleep-in. When the dopamine pleasure/reward system in the brain is overused, natural dopamine levels decrease, and a person must act out an addiction to boost dopamine back to normal. Porn addicts need progressively more shocking images for stimulation, graduating from softto hardcore to objectionable porn. Joel Hesch, founder of PROVEN Men (a Christian organisation offering help to porn addicts) and Law professor at Liberty University, says porn addiction leads to “failed marriages, job loss, over-aggression and abuse.”

Don: “She caught me watching porn.” Bobby: “That’s it?”

If porn has a direct effect on behaviour, and addiction demands new shocking images, then watching porn is not “it”. As Chrissy Brown, President of the VUW Women’s Group explains, “porn is harmful to women inside the industry and harmful to women outside of the industry.” The promotional copy for Anally Ripped Whores reads: “Adult diapers just might be in store for these whores when their work is done.” It’s hard to raise an argument that this isn’t harmful. Brown says that with the demand for increasingly violent material, the porn industry is “finding ways to do everything except kill women.” The implications of this are concerning – as feminist author Robin Morgan writes, “pornography is the theory, rape is the practice.” l editor@salient.org.nz

FEATURE

The Egyptians castrated males convicted of rape. A woman found guilty of adultery would find herself without a nose. Both the guilty human and their animal partner were burned at the stake as punishment for bestiality. A French prostitute could be spared punishment if she was willing to join the opera. The Crimes Act repealed life imprisonment for sodomy in New Zealand.

The Homosexual Law Reform Act decriminalised sexual relations between men, as well consensual anal intercourse between heterosexual partners in New Zealand. Apparently, sex between women has always been fine. The latest of a range of amendments relating to permissible evidence at trial was introduced in section 23A of the Evidence Act 1908 (now found in section 44 of the Evidence Act 2006). Questions or evidence relating to a complainant’s sexual history or reputation is prohibited, unless deemed strictly relevant by the Judge. The Crimes Amendment Act introduced a raft of reforms driven by changing social values. Sexual offences are now defined in gender-neutral terms, including the offence of “sexual violation” (what most people think of as rape). New offences, like meeting a young person under 16 after sexual grooming, have been created in response to international trends in the sexual exploitation of children.

The Teutons, a Germanic tribe, suffocated women in excrement as punishment for prostitution.

4000 BCE 100 AD Middle Ages 1200s 1700s 1861 1961 1985

The early Christian church forbade couples from having sex on Wednesdays, Fridays and, of course, Sundays. In England, the death penalty for anal intercourse between men was repealed, and replaced with life imprisonment. The same sentence applied in New Zealand, alongside flogging, whipping and hard labour. Progress! Section 128 of the Crimes Act was enacted, outlawing marital rape by excluding marriage as a valid defence to a charge of sexual violation. 16 American states had laws against the use of dildos.

1986 1990 1995 2003 2005 2014

A timeline of sex and the law

The Prostitution Reform Act 2003 legalised brothel-keeping, living off the proceeds of someone else’s prostitution, and street solicitation in New Zealand. Our prostitution laws are some of the most liberal in the world.

“I’m a policeman” is no longer a defence to rape of prostitutes in Hawaii, after a legislative amendment last month which means police can no longer have sex with prostitutes as part of their undercover investigations.

S EX Y T I M E by Penny Gault

the sex issue

STEPH TRENGROVE

editor@salient.org.nz

FEATURE

WAITRESS, RECEPTIONIST, DENTIST, LAWYER, SEX WORKER. ALL JOB TITLES WHICH GIVE NO DESCRIPTION OF THAT PERSON’S WORTH. AFTER 11 YEARS OF LEGALISATION, STEPH TRENGROVE LOOKS INTO THE SEX INDUSTRY AND TALKS TO THE WOMEN UNDERNEATH THE JOB TITLE.

the sex issue

va has two children, a tertiary education, and her own business. She’s also a sex worker. Mary is a successful business owner, has lived overseas, and is about to begin work on her book. She runs an escort agency. These two intelligent, well-spoken, independent and dignified women belong to an industry that is completely legal. Since the Prostitution Reform Act of 2003, their jobs are just like any other in the eyes of the law, but because the way that they choose to make a living involves S-E-X there seems to be an assumption that they are not entitled to the same protections and safeguards as any other employed New Zealander. Our society tends to assume that people who act outside of dominant social norms and values are reprehensible. Because sex workers get paid to perform sexual acts, they are seen as deviant and consequently labelled immoral, unclean, dangerous, even diseased. They are identified wholly by the activity they engage in that falls outside of what is ‘normal’, and reduced solely to what we have decided their occupation defines them as. Sex workers are robbed of many of their employment rights by the social stigma that dubs them ‘undeserving’ of such humane and basic protections. In theory, the Reform Act gave sex workers the right to workplace rights including health and safety; the right to unionise and collectively bargain for better wages; the right to leave work, take breaks or resign easily; and the right to take an employer or client to court. It is due to prejudices within New Zealand society that much of what is laid out in the Reform Act remains theoretical. The Reform Act made it a crime to coerce a sex worker into providing sexual services, just as any employee is protected from being forced into doing something that they do not want to do. Now, theoretically, sex workers can prosecute people who do so. However, as Ava explains, “although we have the freedom and the backing of the courts and hopefully our employers to seek justice… it takes a very brave woman to stand up and put herself in the position where she’s going to be scrutinised. It’s still that whole attitude of ‘How can a sex worker be raped?’” These women are in many cases prevented from seeking justice for illegal behaviour within their workplaces, because they are frightened of the judgment that will be passed on them should they actually access their right to do so. Never mind that these women remain violated humans. They are sex workers. There are people who will deem them unworthy of justice,

because taking money for sex offends their sensibilities. Mary explained that despite her girls now having the ability to go to the Police, Human Rights Commission or Department of Labour, “only girls who are willing to put themselves out there” tend to actually seek prosecution. There remains an element of “What did they expect?” and this is firmly standing in the way of the Reform Act being properly brought into effect. The Act also changed police activity surrounding sex work. Police are now legally obliged to protect sex workers at work, just as they would a worker in any other job. “Before the reform… we had an armed hold-up at one of the places I managed,” recounts Mary. “There were three girls involved; one of them, the receptionist, had a sawn-off shotgun held to her head… We were at the police station all night after that, all night and there was no victim support, they didn’t even offer us a cup of tea. The cops were nice enough but you could feel it was this whole thing of “Well, they’re hookers, they probably live with armed robbers,” so there was no support offered of any type.” Mary says that with the reform, a situation such as that would likely be dealt with differently. “But you have to find the right [police officer]. Just because they are legally and morally bound to look after us just like any other industry doesn’t mean that they will.” Even the people who are supposed to protect these women, without question, judgment, or hesitation, are in some cases prevented from wholly doing so due to the continued existence of prejudice within New Zealand society as a whole. “You’ll find a good cop who has no judgment, just like you’ll find a good person on the street who has no judgment,” says Mary, while Ava believes the “attitudes of the police run parallel with the attitudes of the public.” Ava explains that now that sex work is legal and legitimised, the calibre of girls within the sex industry has changed. “That whole cliché of the drug-addicted, desperate, really young and naïve, doesn’t have the mind to gain an income through another means, it’s just been completely blown away. The girls, especially through our place, they’re beautiful, and so smart, some of them have double degrees. They’re people training to be lawyers and doctors [who] just don’t have the time and don’t want to come out of their study situation in thousands of dollars worth of Student Loan debt.” No sex worker should ever have been judged. But now with the legitimisation of the sex industry, such prejudice is even more appalling. Girls within this profession are like any other; they are not necessarily damaged, desperate or

dumb, they have merely chosen to work in an industry that pays well without demanding exorbitant amounts of time out of their week. Ava says that being a sex worker allows for her to provide for her two children while still having enough time free to be there for them, a reality that would be unattainable in many other professions. She says it’s the same with her colleagues who are studying. Sex work allows them to come out of their tertiary educations without a Student Loan, while still affording them enough spare time to fully dedicate themselves to university. Mary says she had an idyllic childhood: “I’m Catholic, and I was brought up in Eastbourne. I had a very, very happy, well-balanced childhood. Our parents had us because they wanted us, they loved children. The only abuse I ever suffered was having to go to church every Sunday.” She has managed and owned several escort agencies, and is now incredibly successful. Just like many other motivated, driven business owners, she loves her work and is passionate about her industry. Women like Mary and Ava are tax-paying, responsible, upstanding New Zealand citizens. They are not breaking the law, they are not causing trouble, they are not harming anyone. And yet devastating judgment is passed on them and women like them by many within our society. Because of this, they remain marginalised. They remain unable to fully access the protections and privileges that our legal system actually grants them by right. They are dissuaded from seeking justice, disallowed unbiased protection from authorities, and immediately stereotyped because of the way in which they earn a living. Subsequently, Mary calls the Reform Act a “first step”. She says there is still a long way to go before she, and the women who work for her, will be treated the same as all other employed people. Unfortunately, the binding laws that lay out equality for her and her colleagues remain insufficient, thwarted from being realised by the archaic and judgmental mentalities that are still rife among us New Zealanders. We do not have any right to judge the way in which these women, and around 4000 women like them, choose to make a living. In doing so, we are responsible for preventing them from reaching the equality that they have been promised by law. If we can abolish these lingering prejudices, and accept these women for the women they are, rather than judging them for the work they do, then equality is more than possible. Institutionally, it is there. All it needs now is us. l

“THAT WHOLE CLICHÉ OF THE DRUG-ADDICTED, DESPERATE, REALLY YOUNG AND NAÏVE, DOESN’T HAVE THE MIND TO GAIN AN INCOME THROUGH ANOTHER MEANS, IT’S JUST BEEN COMPLETELY BLOWN AWAY. THE GIRLS, ESPECIALLY THROUGH OUR PLACE, THEY’RE BEAUTIFUL, AND SO SMART, SOME OF THEM HAVE DOUBLE DEGREES.

editor@salient.org.nz

ADOLESCENT

136 km/h

BY OLIVER BAILEY

BY EMMA SHI

genitals implode (and i like the word “implode”, it means “to collapse in on oneself ” or something) and the couch barely strains under the feathers of angels. and we smile and caress lips and soon we become one but not tonight no i have a friend coming you see.

they walk with bloodshot eyes, little dolls. new york smoke tastes like their paper wings, icarus-thin feathers, bones made of melting wax and hands made out of steel, lovely architecture. the parthenon in their throats, the eiffel tower in their lungs, profound things written across their arms: james dean, johnny cash, you’re an icarus-thin daydream, car crash victim.

but the fishnets and night dresses will be off in no time. it’s only nine months till i’m back, then we can fuck to the moon, and watch films and huddle around the crackle of the transistor radio on the kitchen window ledge and laugh at how silly we are and how at this age especially your age it’s really not wise to implode too muchsome emotions might be caught in the space between our genitals.

the sex issue

If you have any prose, poetry, photography or design work, we would love to publish it. Send it to us at editor @ salient . org . nz

Work & play in the USA

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LIGHT IN DARK PLACES

by Maria Anderson

T R I G G E R WA R N I N G : This content deals with an account of sexual assault and may be triggering to some people. This is a true story, but names have been changed to protect the writer’s identity.

hen I was 15 years old, my father got very, very drunk and propositioned me for sex. It was just him and me alone at home that night. The rest of the family were at a party, but I’d insisted on following Dad home because I knew he had a tendency to fall over when intoxicated and I didn’t want him to hurt himself. I never thought that I would be in any sort of danger, but I was sadly mistaken. What followed was the worst night of my life. I try not to remember the specifics. But there are some things that just stuck with me. Several terrible lines that no 15-year-old girl should ever have to hear – from anyone. “I’ve never had sex with a virgin.” “You’ll make an old man very happy.” “If you give it to someone else [my virginity], I’ll understand, but I’ll be disappointed.” I spent that night trying to sort out the horrible situation we were both in. He obviously needed help, someone to talk to, so I tried to be counsellor and friend, trying to get to the root of his “problems”, as he put it. I was in fight-or-flight mode, adrenaline keeping me calm and functioning even while wanting to run as far away as possible. It was

a long night. He was persistent. And while he never touched me, I later found myself wishing I’d been raped by a stranger. At least then, I would have still had my dad on my side. My dad would have killed anyone who even tried to harass his innocent daughter. But he never thought to protect me from himself. In one night, my entire world shattered. I worked very hard to reconcile the image of my daddy with the unsafe stranger he had become under the influence of alcohol. But I couldn’t. One persona had to be a lie – and as my stomach turned at the thought of the latter, it had to be the former. He woke me up the next morning, to apologise. He said that I could disown him as a father, if I liked. I forgave him then and there. I told him that we could move past this. What I didn’t realise was that ‘this’ was an extraordinarily big thing to move past. I spent the next four years running from life, responsibility, family and friends. I saw eight counsellors, two homeopaths, several doctors – none of which stopped the anxiety, the depression, the guilt or the hating-myself. Because obviously, there had to be something wrong with me. Otherwise, why would the man who I loved most in the world cross a line that should never be crossed? It had to be me, I must have deserved it somehow – no one else’s fathers

did that to them. I must not be worth loving. I must be utterly worthless. Just like that, I became less than nothing. There was no point to anything anymore. I would struggle through each day, getting through high school as best I could, but my future stretched ahead, bleak and grey, and I wanted it all to end. My friends told me they loved me, but I couldn’t believe them. I got straight As, but knew I didn’t deserve them. I earned cultural and academic awards, several leadership positions, performed on behalf of my school over and over again, and still believed I shouldn’t be there, that I wasn’t good enough. I would break down in tears again and again and again, feeling weak, weak, weak at my own reactions to stressful situations. My family demanded better of me – as my parents slowly drifted apart due to what had happened, I was blamed by both extended family and my own brothers. It was a long, slow road separating myself from what had happened to me, and some days, it felt like a road I’ll never leave.

Moving On But the turning point for me was when I read a book late last year, How Long Does It Hurt? by Cynthia L. Mather, dealing specifically with sexual abuse and incest for editor@salient.org.nz

FEATURE

teenagers. I’d always felt like I was making an extraordinarily big deal out of nothing, because my father had never laid a finger on me – but this book told me otherwise. My reaction to my situation was textbook; even though I hadn’t been raped, I felt all the guilt, depression and heartache as if I had been. Not having been touched didn’t matter; I was broken. And this was the moment that I realised that I had a shot at being fixed. Today, I’m enjoying life for the first time since that night. I’m on antidepressants for my depression, I suffer from anxiety, and I’ve missed most of my lectures this term because some days it’s too hard to go out due to panic attacks – but I’m happy. I have dreams again, for the future. I want to be a highschool teacher. I want to travel. I want to write books. I want to volunteer. And I want to be there for anyone who (God forbid) has ever felt as bad as I have.

Step by Baby Step: Sex After a horrifying experience that compromises your bodily autonomy, or the sanctity of your mind, you may experience several things that may not make sense. For example, sex may suddenly become an extraordinarily big deal, or no deal at all. It was the former for me. I was terrified that if I had sex, I would see my father in my head, instead of my lover. This culminated in a series of panic attacks – every time I tried something sexual, from masturbating to making love, I would get physically sick and have to lock myself in the bathroom. Now, I’ve decided that I’m simply not ready for sex – and that’s perfectly fine. I’ll get there someday. There is nothing wrong with me. Conversely, it is possible to go the other way. Being free with sex, having as much as possible, could be a way to regain control of yourself, and who you let into your life and your body. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that either – so long as it’s entirely your choice, and you are being safe about it. Always use protection, no matter who your sexual partner is. Always make sure it’s consensual, and that you feel safe and confident making your needs known. Don’t push yourself, either to abstain or to go crazy – do what you think needs to be 30

the sex issue

done; just remember to stay aware of your changing needs and feelings and alter your behaviour accordingly.

Your Mind It’s also very likely that your views of yourself have shifted – possibly for the worse. You may feel worthless, undeserving, disgusting. You may hate your body, your mind, your soul; you may feel like you let yourself down, that you didn’t protect yourself well enough. You need to keep reminding yourself that these thoughts are irrational. Because they are. Remember when you’re feeling particularly down on yourself that such thoughts are unfounded and irrelevant. It’s not going to be easy, but you need to start viewing yourself in a positive light again. If you feel strong enough, begin to work on yourself. Figure out what makes you happy and do it as much as you can. Be kind to yourself, remind yourself of what you like about yourself, build your confidence and self-esteem. Try things you’ve always meant to try, but never got round to. Make yourself the best version of yourself that you can possibly be. Pamper yourself. Forgive yourself, if you feel angry and let down. You’re worth loving.

Family and Friends A support group is also always going to help. Sometimes, everything may feel overwhelming, and too much to deal with – good friends lessen the load and pull you through. Just beware who you trust. Rape culture means that sometimes, even the best of friends might not understand what you’re going through. If this is the case, you are under no obligation to spend time with people who make you feel worse than you do. Harder to deal with are family members who don’t understand. Mine didn’t. They told me I was weak, that I should grow a backbone and get over it. It took me a long time to realise that pretending I was okay, waking up every morning with a smile on my face and dragging myself through the day, was not helpful. Things just don’t magically disappear; often, it takes a lot of work to get

through trauma and grief. If your family does not support you, look elsewhere. You deserve love, support and understanding. Do not stop searching until you find it. Remember, mental health trumps everything. University, friends, family, relationships: everything. Of course, all of the above are incredibly important and if you can, work on maintaining it all. But if you don’t get past anything that’s hindering you now, you won’t have a fair shot at your future.

Asking for Help Finally, you may need professional help to start your journey, or help you on your way. There is nothing wrong with asking for help – it doesn’t make you weak, or vulnerable. You may be suffering from PTSD, depression, anxiety, or a whole host of things – these aren’t so easy to deal with alone. Talk to your GP. Book in a session with a counsellor. As a University student, the counselling sessions with Mauri Ora are free – but if you feel they cannot give you enough support, seek help elsewhere. As someone who has seen nine different counsellors, I can tell you that some really help, and some really don’t. Keep searching until you find someone who works best for you. Now is not the time to gloss things over or put things aside until later. All of the above may apply to you. Maybe none of it does. And that’s perfectly okay; you are normal. If I could, I would be there for you every day and every night, whenever you need me. If I could, I would hold you close and tell you over and over again: You are strong. You are smart. You are loved. You are worthy. You are deserving. Because it’s the truth. It’s the honest-to-God truth. As I can’t, I want you to know that you are not alone. You never will be. And even though I don’t know you personally, even though we may never meet, I respect and love you. And I know that you aren’t defined by what has happened to you. As for ‘How Long Does It Hurt?’ Cynthia L. Mather has an answer for that too. I’m incredibly sorry, but it never stops hurting, not completely. But you learn to live with it. Never let anything stop you from achieving the future you deserve. l

All of the above may apply to you. Maybe none of it does. And that’s perfectly okay; you are normal. If I could, I would be there for you every day and every night, whenever you need me. If I could, I would hold you close and tell you over and over again: You are strong. You are smart. You are loved. You are worthy. You are deserving. Because it’s the truth. It’s the honest-to-God truth. As I can’t, I want you to know that you are not alone. You never will be. And even though I don’t know you personally, even though we may never meet, I respect and love you. And I know that you aren’t defIned by what has happened to you.

editor@salient.org.nz

SPORT

Sports banter with sammy p

his week, Ollie Ritchie takes a look at the poor start to the Super Rugby season by the New Zealand franchises. In New Zealand, we are an odd bunch. More people can name the captain of the All Blacks than the leader of the Labour Party. It’s David Cunliffe, by the way. We are very unforgiving when our rugby teams lose. International, Super 15, ITM Cup; it doesn’t matter the level. So I can’t imagine we’re all too happy with the way our Super Rugby teams have started this year. I know I’m personally a touch worried about my beloved Crusaders – we’ll be sweet though! However, for the talent we have in this country, we should be winning more. The defending champion Chiefs have drawn their two recent matches in South Africa and lost to the Force in Perth. The Blues must be one of the more frustrating teams to support. A couple of really encouraging home wins, yet as soon as they hit the road, they get swept off the park. The Highlanders and Hurricanes, though, have always been very hot and cold. Admittedly, the ‘Canes have had two big wins in recent matches against the Crusaders and Bulls, but the Hurricanes have undeniable talent in their squad. Beauden Barrett has to be the best first five 32

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in the country at the moment (remember Dan’s on a sabbatical). Julian Savea can make plays out of nothing. Yet they can’t put consistent performances on the park. The Crusaders are expected to win every weekend. That’s what comes with seven titles. But lately, their attack has seemed out of sorts. Is it because there’s no Dan? Potentially, but with the amount of talent in their squad they should be producing more complete performances. So with all these poor performances, what can we put it down to? Coaches? Individual players? On-field effort? Surely, on-field effort can’t be questioned, but I’m sure that if these performances don’t pick up then there will be some very concerned coaches around the country. Let’s start with Todd Blackadder at the Crusaders. Every year when the new Super Rugby season commences, the Crusaders go in as one of the favourites. Do not mistake that they have fully earned that right. However, since Blackadder took over in 2009, their best finish has been second. Yes, they have made the semifinals every year since he took over, but the people of Christchurch and the Crusaders region are demanding a title, and if Blackadder can’t give them that, then it may be time to look elsewhere. And what about those Blues? JK’s expertise in curing depression might have to be put to good use if the Blues continue their inability to string results together. Likewise at the Hurricanes and the Highlanders. Neither team has really threatened to even contest a playoff spot in recent years, and it doesn’t look like that’s about to change, so maybe it’s time for some restructuring there as well. Whatever way you look at it, it has been a very slow start to the season for the New Zealand Super Rugby teams. Looking ahead to the international season, I’m not worried. But for now, teams need to step up or that silverware may end up in Australia or South Africa. Kiwi teams in action this week: - Friday: Hurricanes vs Blues, Wellington, 7.35 pm. -Saturday: Chiefs vs Crusaders, Hamilton, 7.35 pm. (Highlanders bye)

Top 5 Athletes who won’t go away . Kyle Mills: Although his figures are impressive, Mills has never really been anything special, with his unchanging ‘Jewfro’ and un-athletic frame. Always lumbering in, bowling those deliveries in the mid-120s, the New Zealand bowler is as uninspiring as he is solid.

. Lleyton Hewitt: The tennis player really does personify the term ‘Aussie battler’. Although he’s made more trips to the surgery table than Michael Jackson, his withered old frame simply refuses to give in. Hewitt is actually younger than All Black captain Richie McCaw, and only seven months older than on-court rival Roger Federer, but it seems as though the 33-year-old has been around since time itself began.

. Irene van Dyk: van Dyk’s presence on the netball court is almost as unremitting as her South African accent. An international player since 1994, the 41-year-old mother-of-one has established herself as the most iconic name in world netball.

. Ryan Giggs: The 40-year-old has the record for the most Premier League appearances of all time with 611, and has won 13 Premier League titles with Manchester United since he debuted for the club in 1991. That’s a 23-year-long career in the world’s most demanding football competition. And it’s still going.

. Brad Thorn: A true legend. I think I speak for most people when I say we don’t mind the 39-year-old hanging around. Three NRL titles, two State of Origin series wins, two NPC titles, a Ranfurly Shield victory, a Super Rugby title, a Heineken Cup, a Rugby World Cup, and international appearances in both rugby league and rugby union. There aren’t many blokes out there with a résumé like that.

COLUMN

MEALS AND FEELS With Eve Kennedy

ast week, the ever-popular Foxglove hosted a soirée to launch Executive Chef James Pask’s new menu and food concept, and Salient was lucky enough to be invited. Delicious mojitos and a deconstructed banana-split cocktail were among the items on offer, as well as miniature versions of items from the bar and dinner menu. Salient couldn’t say no to miniature versions of food; and the baby burgers that were on offer were delicious. Unfortunately for the author, the dinner menu has a limited vegetarian range, but Salient has been assured that the meat dishes are lovely. The price range of Foxglove is a bit out of a student budget to be your Saturday night preclubbing go-to. Never fear, given that the dinner menu is limited here anyway, so your best use of Foxglove is to have a few drinks and peruse

the extensive bar snack list: bar snacks are always expensive if you go by a food quantity:price ratio, but at least if you order them here, you won’t pay too much more than anywhere else and Foxglove features an impressive selection. Salient recommends the Hemingway Daiquiri and the Violet Collins cocktails, the latter tasting like a delicious melted lemonade popsicle. Foxglove has a polished, elegant décor: the owners succeeded in merging 1940s glamour with modernity. The real coup is the view from the upstairs deck though – although, given its prime waterfront position and proximity to the CBD, if you try to get a seat outside on any relatively fine-weathered day outside of business hours your chances are slim: after 5 pm, Foxglove fills quickly with suits. Dress in your best yopro get-up, forget

about your student loan and pretend that this will be your life when you eventually graduate – hobnobbing it at nice places on the waterfront and enjoying cheese platters. Honourable mention must go to the everfriendly wait staff – I have never had a bad experience with any of them; they are personable, and informed about the menu and drinks list. You may notice the similarities between Foxglove and Snapdragon, on Auckland’s waterfront – Pack & Company owns a multitude of successful bars/ restaurants, as well as Matterhorn on Cuba St. The similarity between Foxglove and Snapdragon detracts from the experience for the author: the vibe feels more contrived. That said, the afternoons spent drinking cocktails and eating bar snacks have always been enjoyable.

giving you better porn. Prepare to have your minds blown. As the old adage goes, the Rule was the reason the internet was invented, at least until 2011 when social-media traffic finally eclipsed online porn traffic. The reason you can watch videos within your browser without a plugin is due to the proliferation of streaming JPEG-push video by porn sites, the precursor technology to what YouTube and CNN.com currently use. Porn sites also established most commonplace online tools and tricks, from live-chat and video calls that were being done with camgirls before Facebook and Skype, to pop-ups, spyware and, by extension, internet security. Gotta use protection, chums. The ability to access pornography can determine the rise and fall of entire mediums. Due to media watchdogs controlling content in the ‘50s, erotica on television was hard to come by (pun intended or not). Cable

television didn’t really take off until distributors started including access to adult channels, after which subscriptions came flooding in. It’s also thought that the real reason why VHS triumphed over Betamax as the predominant home-video format was because more porn was on VHS. History looks set to repeat with the current DVD/Blu-ray war, but for a different reason: a squeamishness over HD. Porn stars and their viewers don’t want to see unwanted blemishes and implant scars magnified in a higher resolution. I realise all this isn’t exactly shocking; exposing the dirty little secret of our species exploiting an industry that many of us will never admit we’ve frequented. Personally, I think it brings a more salacious element of the human psyche in view; that the only time we aim to innovate is when we want to blow each other up or just blow each other. All’s laid bare in love and war. Incognito out. l

Conspiracy Corner “F i r st C o m e , B e st S e rv e d ” By Incognito Montoya

ne of my jobs as conspiracy corroborator is to enlighten you to the strange and clandestine rules that govern our society. I like to undress the sordid histories from the ordinary, stripping the lies from the mistress of truth, finding all the glorious secrets that lie beneath the sheets... *ahem* of papers piled on my desk. Sorry, got a little carried away there. The Rule of First Adopters stipulates that the first content provided by a new medium will invariably be adult erotic content. Basically, if it exists, porn has got there first. It’s the technological equivalent of sitting down at a newly bought school desk and finding that the person before you has drawn dicks all over it. However, this comes with the benefit of said medium profiting from the innovation the adult-entertainment industry brings. Most of all, improvements to our entertainment and information media have been in service of

editor@salient.org.nz

COLUMN

H ow t o N o t T h i n k A b o u t S e x W h e n E v e ry t h i n g A ro u n d Y o u I s About Sex

S h i rt & Sw e e t w i t h E l e a n o r M e rt o n

y o u r w e e k ly c o l u m n o n h ow t o b e a n n oy e d but still cute.

ex is like trying to type the next letter of a word without realising that you’re just repeatedly pressing the backspace key instead. It’s frustrating and unhelpful and you’d get more done if it wasn’t happening. Even thinking about sex is like that. However, sex sells and we live in a shitty capitalist society of which advertising is a big part and this makes it fucking hard (LOL. Penises go hard sometimes. I made innuendo) to spend even a small fraction of your day NOT thinking about sex. Which gets exhausting. As young people generally speaking in the prime of our sexual life (okay, well I’m in the prime of mine because I’m a she, but guys actually are still pretty average and will be for like another ten years or so), the kind of constant extreme levels of sexual tension we’re exposed to on a daily basis is almost terrifying. Even trying to squish past people in Kirk between lectures is a situation fraught with desire to tear your clothes off, lie on the ground, and wait for the other naked bodies to pile up around you à la the final scene in Perfume sans the cannibalism (unless you’re into that, no judgement for anything consensual). Anyway, the point is, thinking about sex without engaging in it is exhausting, and therefore I’m gonna help you out with a little guide on:

the sex issue

We’ll start with the most obvious stuff. Remember when you had stage fright that one time, and because your parents are walking clichés, they told you to just imagine your audience in their underwear/naked? This is where the problem began. You did it, and your performance/presentation went great because you were in a state of mild arousal the whole time. But then it grew to something altogether more sinister. An addiction. A plague on your daily life that slowly consumed your mind and drained your energy until you became what you are now. A husk. An empty shell, built only from awkward misunderstandings and questionable Google searches. Have no fear, dear shell. There is hope. We know the cause of the problem, so all we need to do is reverse it. Every time you see a naked body from here on out, imagine the owner of that body clothed in something that really turns you off. It might a neon vest because of the infamous sexism of the construction industry, or perhaps a wearablearts design made entirely of Crocs, or maybe what really shuts you down downstairs is people who don’t even know what normcore is let alone do it properly. Once you’ve got them dressed in your anti-fantasy, imagine them all wearing fedoras too. By this point, you should be safely as far away from thoughts of sex as possible. Unless you’re so full of self-loathing that part of you still wants to go there. If this is the case, just stop. Instead, try just blushing delicately and casting your eyes down. This achieves an effect that I like to describe as ‘cute as fuck’. If you accidentally take this too far, balance it out by elucidating some truly filthy events with no reaction at all (see: not giving a fuck about what people think). Once you have this strategy down and you think you can be exposed to nudity without thinking about the deed, maybe test yourself by watching Game of Thrones (and then post spoilers on the Overheard @ Vic page to become the shirtiest person on campus). You might also like to try just constantly surrounding yourself with people who don’t make you think about sex. People who are neither cute nor shirty. People who are gross. The only place you might really start to run into trouble with this is at parties. You may unavoidably be exposed to someone who makes you think about sex. Parties are hard. We’ve talked about that. There’s always an elephant in the room at parties. Parties are specifically designed for a lot of people to all think about sex in the same place. Sex is the elephant in the room at parties. Now don’t think about elephants.

The Bone Zone W I T H C U P I E H O ODW I N K

C u pi e H o o dw i n k ’ s G u i d e S e x T oy s

had my first encounter with a sex toy when I was 20. It had been some six months since I’d last had sex and, being in a particularly pessimistic mood, I’d managed to convince myself I’d never be having it again. Drunk, sad, and smoking an emergency cigarette, I headed to sexgear. co.nz. I might be destined for a loveless life, but goddamnit, it wouldn’t be a pleasureless one. Emptying my bank account, I purchased my very first dildo. Two days later, a conspicuously unmarked box arrived on my doorstep. And there it was. Veiny, girthy, and more tumescent than I knew an inanimate object could be, the dildo was – despite its bright pink colour – very intimidating. This encounter, rather than serving to ease my sexual frustration, merely served to reinforce just how long it had been since I’d seen a real one. Three years on, and I’ve of course

SEX

changed my tune about sex toys. If you’re single, sex toys can help you get off without giving yourself RSI; if you’re coupled, they can add much-needed zest to your sexy time. But, dear readers, I get it. Sex toys can be confusing. Heading into a sex shop, it’s easy to be overwhelmed by the sheer variety of toys, and the tastes they cater to. You may wonder, “Where the fuck do I put that?”, and if you’ve never seen a 13-inch, doubleended, girthy black dong before, it can be a confronting experience. So, just in time for the Sex Issue, I’ve compiled Cupie Hoodwink’s Guide to Sex Toys: an introduction to help you find what you’re looking for, and avoid the veiny, girthy, bright pink mistakes of my past (unless that’s what you’re into).

in the vibrator market, so the best way to narrow down your choices is working out what itch you want to scratch. There are vibrators specifically designed just for your clit (generally smaller, more discrete), for your G-spot (like a dildo but it moves), or hybrids that do both at once (known as rabbit vibrators, made famous by Sex and the City’s Charlotte). Adaptations to the classic vibrator ensure that they can be fun for those without a clit too. Couples’ vibrators are shaped to fit inside the vagina and stimulate both clit and G-spot during sex, while still leaving room for penetration. Wa-hey! Price: $7 (for a keyring vibrator: perfect for Ohs on the go) to $1779 (a 24-carat gold vibrator for balla clits).

Dildos:

Butt plugs:

The archetype of sex toys, dildos come in a variety of shapes, sizes, colours and materials to suit every taste – with everything from realist dildos (moulds of a genuine dick and balls, complete with bell-end and veins), to more abstract dongs (coloured glass shafts that could double as arty sculptures). While technically any phallic object covered in a condom will suffice, purposebuilt dildos have the added benefits of being made from easy-to-clean, hypoallergenic materials, feature pleasure-enhancing textures, and it means you get to eat your cucumbers, rather than fuck them. Variations on the theme ensure that there’s a dildo for every situation, whether it be double-ended (so both partners can be penetrated at once), strap-on (one partner takes charge), or suction cup (attach to furniture or walls for hands-free solo sexy time). Price: $15 (for a textured glass dildo) to $150 (for a strap-on set)

If you’re interested in anal, a butt plug can be a great way to start, as they’re considerably less intimidating than a dildo, or a real live dick. Butt plugs are generally tapered in shape, shorter than most dildos, and are larger at one end so they can’t go disappearing inside you. Plugs can also be worn during sex if you want to stimulate everything ALL AT ONCE. As with any type of anal play, using lube is absolutely essential with a butt plug, as your butt won’t naturally produce it in the way a vagina does. Any sex store can hook you up with a range of scents and flavours, as well as lubes specifically designed for bums. Price: $9 (for an innocuous wee pink plug with a suction base) to $80 (plug that adorns you with a curly pig’s tail while pleasuring you).

Vibrators: Generally, I’m not a fan of free-market economics, but when it comes to vibrators, I’m quite content to let the invisible hand do the work for me. There is almost overwhelming variety

Sleeves:

allowing you to choose everything from type of orifice (mouth, butt, vagina) to the personality of the sleeve (MILF or Asian pussy). All sleeves are made to be easy to clean, and some even vibrate as well! Price: $20 (for a palm-sized pussy) to $116 (for a robotic mouth that can simulate sucking). Cock rings: Not to be confused with Prince Albert piercings, cock rings work by applying pressure to the base of the penis, ensuring a stronger, longer erection. They come in a variety of colours and materials, and some are even pimped out with wee vibrators which do a little somethin’-somethin’ for both your dick as well as your partner’s butt, balls or clit while you bang. Price: $8 (for a disposable, vibrating ring) to $180 (for a rechargeable, six-speed vibrating ring).

All prices featured are from sexgear.co.nz. While online shopping is certainly more discreet, the staff at Wellington’s Peaches & Cream and D.VICE are both enthusiastic and knowledgeable, and will even open packets for you to get a closer look at the toys, with one proviso: “Keep your hands where I can see them – nothing goes below the waist!

Got Ask

a burning question for her

about

all

Cupie?

m at t e r s

t h e h e a rt … a n d o t h e r r o m a n t i c

If you’re bored of your hand’s company, and sick of ruining all of your apple pies, a sleeve may be just the ticket. Perhaps the most famous of these is the Fleshlight: a toy that appears from the outside to be an innocent torch, but inside features a tight, cushy hole for your dick. Despite the notoriety of the Fleshlight, there’s a HUGE range of sleeves out there,

organs

a n o n y m o u s ly

as k . f m /

C u pi e H o o dw i n k Got

a b u r n i n g s e n sat i o n i n y o u r

nether

H e a lt h

regions?

p o p i n to t h e i r and

Give Student 463 5308, o r c l i n i c s at K e l b u r n

a call on

Pipitea.

editor@salient.org.nz

COLUMN

Articulat ed Spl ine s W ith Car lo S a l i z zo ro s e bud ; ! ; ! ; ! ; ! ; !; !; !; !

ho would have guessed that so many of us would be captured by a game with a title as innocuous as 2048? It’s a simple concept – you fling numbered tiles around a board to double them and eventually get to the number 2048 (naturally, there’s a Doge version too). It’s become quite the sensation, with the iOS version becoming a bestseller and even getting a reference in xkcd. The trouble is, it was all a lie. 2048 was, you see, built as a little programming experiment to clone the mechanics of a game called 1024.

1024 was, in turn, a close copy of a game called Threes. That game was built by a small group of indie developers who invested a substantial amount of time and money developing the thing, only to see a swathe of far simpler clones steal their concept and most of their audience. Game-making is a business, a cut-throat world where the slightest misjudgment can lead to devastating losses. Hell, Threes is a pretty good game. It has cute visuals, a handy interface and fun gameplay. From a development standpoint, it’s golden. From a business perspective, though, it misses the mark just enough for the modesty of its sales to seem all but inevitable. Threes misses the mark in knowing what people value when it comes to simple mobile gaming. Your casual gamer is going to be playing on the bus, at their desk, on the loo – they don’t really care about saving progress and slick animations, or even whether or not they see advertisements. To my taste, 2048 is genuinely more fun than the original. Sometimes less really is more. What we as casual gamers do care about

(as predominantly a younger, poorer crowd) is the bottom line. Threes costs $2.59 on the NZ iTunes Store, while 2048 costs nothing. Be honest, which would you choose? Unfortunately, with indie budgets, nobody can afford a marketing team or even the smallest of international copyright lawsuits. Kingdom Rush has seen success thanks in no small part to Apple taking a shoddy clone off the Store, but that’s the exception rather than the rule. The usual means of differentiation and defensive mechanisms in the physical market just aren’t as available in the gaming arena. For every crazy success story like Luftrausers or Rust, there are another ten disappointments and frustrations like Threes. It won’t last forever, by the way. For one thing, advertising is becoming a less viable way to prop up freeware games, caving to the more developer-friendly freemium and microtransaction-based models. Don’t fret, we’ll figure out how to sort the wheat from the chaff eventually – but for now, it’s the law of the jungle.

further than it has already gone, then presents it back as art. I guess that makes it satire. Below every post is the title of the work in italics, along with the year it came out and a link to the artist. A month or so ago, they were really into mixing Family Guy porn into a traditional conspiracy image macro format – think a naked Lois talking to a naked Black Lois about the Constitution and the NSA, above a photo of Justin Bieber as president smoking pot. Once again, you really have to see it. The Jogging only makes sense to people who spend far too much time online, but it also seeks to ridicule those who do. It’s now paying small sums for contributions (based on the amount of

notes their accepted submissions receive), a move which I think is kind of serious and kind of not. Reddit and 9GAG users aren’t the main targets any more; The Jogging is definitely making fun of itself at this point, as well as the alt-lit/net-art community it seems to have spawned from. The blog began in mid-2012, right in the worst part of the US election, when racist conspiracy memes and frantic social-media strategies were muddying up the entire internet. I hope it survives as a historical document of how fucking crazy things were that year, and how crazy our mass culture continues to be.

Weir d inter ne t sh i t Wi th H e n ry & P h i l i p

don’t really *get* thejogging.tumblr.com, an insanely addictive blog of art that feels like a terrible 9GAG meme making love to a secondyear Fine Arts student. But I adore it. It’s mostly satire. Surreal satire. Think a closeup of Lorde’s face, compared with photos of plane wreckage of MH370, captioned in motivationalimage style: “Sheeple be like”. Think a photo of Barack Obama in Joker makeup, captioned “The Commander in THIEF wants to know...Have you read your daily Pitchfork Best New Music Review yet?” Think the Boston Bombing cast as a distraction from Brian on Family Guy dying. You kind of have to see it. The Jogging takes the internet a few steps 36

the sex issue

by Henry Cooke

MUSIC

y o u wa n t to w r i t e a b o u t

t h e a rt s , o r t h i n k t h e r e i s

something we should review, e m a i l a rt s @ s a l i e n t . o r g . n z .

ARTS Interview – Kerosene Comic Book’s Skymning

other, but I think the first time we’d all been in one place together was last 420.

Is there a particular style or characteristic that *is* KCB? Not necessarily any consistent style within the music (aside from the obvious bass-oriented electronic aspects), but I think the fact that we’re all in the same age bracket in the same country using the same music outlets and whatnot kind of keeps us together.

by Nat Newton

Spotlight – The JOHOs By Rupert

nybody passing through Newtown two weekends back may have noticed the punk cluster spilling out of Black Coffee onto Adelaide Rd. New Zealand punk archivists Up The Punks recently released their first zine, coupled with an exhibition documenting their recent stay in Beijing, and to celebrate their return Newtown was treated to the best punk gig Wellington’s seen in a long while. Phone Sex Robots, the JOHOs, Johnny and the Felchers, the Dilfs – each band fecking fantastic, though none more enjoyable than the JOHOs. Lord, strike me blind! Every opportunity to see them should be taken before drummer Jessie McNamara crosses the ditch. “Propaganda slinging pests” Sam Thurston (Rogernomix, Meth Drinker) and Axel (Awkward Death) share vocal duties and play a lightning-fast set of equally abrasive and surprisingly catchy songs at the expense of hapless Jehovah’s Witnesses (‘Johos’). The tongue-incheek is genuinely funny too, helped to no end by the Watchtower-styled zine that accompanied their Zero Style release late last year (zerofuckingstyle. blogspot.com). The 11 tracks featured on Knock, Knock! It’s… the Johos offer a great representation of the band, and although it’s now sold out, the digital files are still available through Bandcamp. They’re playing on the 24th at Valhalla with “cheap piss from 6-8 and a late night greasy fry up” alongside Rogernomix, Awkward Death, Wizzkids and Gutrot – be there.

erosene Comic Book is a collective of bedroom producers from around New Zealand, including Race Banyon, Career Girls, Totems, Skymning, Yvnalesca and Muirs. They’ve torn up the New Zealand electronic scene recently, dominating this years Camp A Low Hum and Chronophonium. I asked Skymning (real name Little Wayne) a few questions ahead of their 420 Eve show at Puppies this Saturday, and the release of their second 420 mixtape. Turn up. How did the KCB start out? I think the whole thing started out while Reuben (Totems) and Kieran (Kieran Tahir) were in High School as a kind of joke record label/a name to associate friends’ releases. We ended up all digging each others’ tunes and bouncing ideas off each

Mess by Liars

Album review by Eleanor Merton

ith their reputation for diversity from album to album, there was no way to know what to expect going in deaf for a first listen of Liars’ new album Mess. What revealed itself over the next 55 minutes was an album weirdly appropriate for mildly hungover Saturday mornings, the kind of music that looks all wrong for a particular context on paper but surprises you by being exactly what you didn’t know you wanted. Mess hands-down delivers the expected departure from Liars’ previous work and cements their consistent inconsistency. Throughout the first half, Mess is by turns slow rave that grabs you by the stomach and

Other than the 420 tape, what else is in the release pipeline? We’d designed and aimed to have some longsleeves for sale at the 420 show, but I think we had a problem ordering the black shirts so there might only be enough for the fam. I think there are plans to put out a remix tape pretty soon. Race Banyon is in the process of getting wdamo 12″s made, I think, there’s a release party planned at Pups. Other than that I guess just everyone continuing with their individual music projects. lifts you up until you admit to having fun (‘Vox Turned D.E.D.’, ‘Pro Anti Anti’), and unapologetic electro synth (‘Mask Maker’, ‘I’m No Gold’). By the second half, Mess seems to have made itself comfortable in a space between background music and serious attention-required music. After the syncopation and strange percussive noises of ‘Boyzone’, it’s easy and pleasant to fall into the obscured but accessible vocals of ‘Dress Walker’ and, played back-to-back, these two tracks form my favourite part of Mess. At nine minutes and seven minutes, the sheer length of the last two tracks ‘Perpetual Village’ and ‘Left Speaker Blown’ add to the end-weighted sense of an album growing into itself and pointing towards something rich, potent and satisfying for the future. Mess, self-defined as something confusing and untidy, does deliver on this with extended sections of pure texture and rhythm, and yet it still feels very much like an album that wants to help you understand it. Although it starts to feel slightly drawnout at times, this gives you the space and time necessary to learn the rules, and once you have, Mess never breaks them to the point that you can’t play along anymore. This is a game worth being a part of.

editor@salient.org.nz

FILM

i can’t get no s a t i s fa c t i o n by Charlot te Doyle

hen a sex scene pops up during a movie session with your parents it is always horrendously awkward, unless you have an Oedipus complex going on. I blush every time the main actors even kiss. Generally, this is a heated response to nothing much. Instead of providing us with a blow-by-blow account, directors use shots of discarded clothes, twisted facial expressions, grasping hands and arched backs to simply give a taster, presumably to avoid the tacky label of ‘porn’. Too often, it is awkward and unsatisfying, with or without the presence of parents. In light of recent controversy sparked by films such as Nymphomaniac (Lars von Trier, 2014), filmmakers appear to be getting braver (although maybe it’s just von Trier). With the second version already banned in Romania, and more bare flesh and crass honesty about sex than normal (Charlotte Gainsbourg describes discovering her “cunt” at the age of two), it is still not the gratifying exploration of sex it is assumed society is not ready for. Take Love and Other Drugs, for a more mainstream example. After all the hype of explicit sexual behaviour, all you are rewarded with is the surprise of darling Anne Hathaway getting her tits out. We deserve at least a notably positive, celebratory mainstream representation of sex, screaming the fact that it can be fucking fantastic. There is, however, a need for a balance. Whenever A Serbian Film (Srđan Spasojević, 2010) manages to emerge in conversation, there is always a general murmur of “Don’t judge me for even knowing about it”. Only one person I know of has actually seen any of it, as a dare within a hilarious (obviously) group of guys to see who could last the longest. He describes the half-hour he saw before leaving the room as horrific, and now knows why necrophilia is censored. But bad sex is easy to film because it’s easy to shock society with. Here lies a prime opportunity for some filmmaker to be like: “Hey, this is real, genuine loving sex in detail”, so we don’t have to try to fill the gaps with our imaginations or have the insecurity of wondering if we’re doing it right in real life e.g. should the bra stay on or off.

the sex issue

So we have a choice. Option 1: grotesque sex scenes that make us believe in morality, or Option 2: exposed breasts and penises that fail to satisfy. Surely, we want to leave a movie turned on, not turned off, with some satisfaction that sex is a wonderful thing.

5 A r g u a b ly M o s t C o n t r o v e r s i a l S e x Scenes of all time: Any Lars

von

Trier

mov i e

(especially Nymphomaniac).

1. T h e B r o w n B u n n y . Unsimulated sex

scene. The film was described by Roger Ebert as “the worst film in the history of Cannes”.

The Last T e m p tat i o n of C h r i s t . Martin Scorsese presents flash-forwards

being experienced by Jesus in his final moments, including having sex with Mary Magdalene. Christians got their knickers in a twist.

L o l i t a . Probably contains the highest number of implied sex scenes ever.

4. B r o k e b a c k M o u n t a i n . The Academy

Award–winning movie featured a homosexual lovemaking scene between Jake Gyllenhaal and Heath Ledger, and was subsequently pulled from theatres all over America.

BOOKS

Incomplete Works by Dylan Horrocks Reviewed by Ben Speak

The Inequality Debate by Max Rashbrooke Reviewed by David Williams

he lucky reader will occasionally have a moment in a book where they put the story on hold and stare blankly at the pages, marvelling at how well-crafted the thing is, a string of reverent saliva creeping from the corner of their mouth. Or, the smart reader could bypass luck and read Incomplete Works published by Victoria University Press, a collection so full of stunned pauses that the reader becomes near catatonic. This beautiful collection of comics draws from Horrocks’ 30ish years of writing, starting with the unexpectedly dark ‘Little Death’, which tells the story of a chance meeting in a bar, set to the Verlaines. The collection then moves through scratchy zines, the angularly surreal, and ending somewhere in the not-too-distant future, with an illustrated diary entry in part documenting the writing of an upcoming graphic novel. Incomplete Works is not only a great introduction to Horrocks’s writing – past, present, and future – but, thanks to the inclusion of a couple of pieces on the history of the form here, to New Zealand comics as a whole. While the subject matter is diverse, the drawing style is even more varied. His early work jumps erratically yet effortlessly – in one panel there may be a studied sketchiness, the next a meticulous woodworklike rendering, while others take on an skeletal expressionism or occasionally appear to have been drawn by a somewhat debauched Quentin Blake. Even in the face of all this variety, there is always something weirdly New Zealandy about it. And true to that weirdly New Zealand cultural cringe, I wouldn’t normally mean that in a nice way. Horrocks manages to make it work, though, whether in the music drifting through the background of some strips, or the netball dress sported by the Spirit of Joy as she rises above rooftops in a panel which is, frankly, nothing short of glorious.

ax Rashbrooke’s slender yet wonderfully researched book lays bare the global problem of income inequality, confirming that New Zealand is one of the OECD’s worst offenders. It makes for pretty grim reading. Of the 2.9 million working adults in New Zealand, just 29,000 control 16 per cent of the country’s combined wealth. Those 29,000 people have a greater share of the country’s wealth than 1.45 million New Zealanders. Let that sink in. Throughout the book, Rashbrooke breaks down what income inequality actually is and how both the world and New Zealand has descended into such an unequal quagmire. He answers many common questions surrounding income inequality, such as “Why do low incomes matter?” and “What about social mobility?”. In one of the standout sections of the book, ‘Rightful Reward’, he debunks the most common myth surrounding inequality that – if people in the lower income bracket worked harder, they would receive a greater slice of the pie. In short, current pay systems do not reflect people’s social contributions. But what I felt was missing from this book was suggestions of any possible solutions to the problem. Only in the very last paragraph of the book does Rashbrooke tell us that “we have some control over our inequality, too, through public pressure we place on governments and the way we deal with people around us.” What kind of pressure can we place on governments that can combat such outrageous figures? The Inequality Debate is both fascinating and horrifying. So short that you’ve got no excuse, this is the best book you can read if you want to be informed on an issue that will dominate the rhetoric of all major political parties this election year. Bridget Williams Books has just released a series of “snappy paperbacks”, print versions of their digital BWB Texts which “provide a new meeting space, connecting our histories, technologies, shifting readers, emerging and established authors, and our shared futures.”

editor@salient.org.nz

THEATRE

t h e c at ’ s m e o w by st e v e n pero s d i r e c t e d b y m at t b e n t ly

Review by George Fenn

otentially described as Hollywood fan fiction, playwright Steven A live band accompanies the performance, with sultry vocals by Peros speculates on the events leading to the mysterious death by Ruth Corkill. The soundtrack is of the era, with lyrics that reflect the drawing from the yield of the Hollywood rumour mill. Lust. Greed. action. It would have been better had her vocals been louder, as they Camera. Action. were often drowned out by the band. While musically she fit into the Cut to 1924, Hollywood. A party of movers, shakers and up-and- story, I was unsure as to where her character and the band existed in comers board a boat for a weekend cruise on which “One of them the world of the play. will leave horizontally,” hints narrator Elinor Glyn (Julia Harris) The boat is evoked with two cabins stage right and left with in a precise and charming expositional monologue. The text itself portholes and bed, while the centre space serves as a dining hall. can stand on its own, being lofty enough to be evocative of the era A steering wheel signifies the bridge upstage. The colour palette is while feeling genuine enough to let you feel like a friend to celebrity muted. Greyscale with tones of lavender. The transitions were not characters. overly disruptive, as they were covered by the sound of the live band. I was surprised to find that the story was based on true events. Stage Manager Andrea Wiechern and her assistant Karl Arndt All the characters are based on real people, including stars Marion play servants to move the table in and out of scene. They had a great Davies (Jessica Aaltonen) and Charlie Chaplin (Daniel Gorton) as physical game in one transition in which one would always slightly well as the aforementioned Glyn. My ignorance was bliss as I was correct the other’s placement. It would have been nice to see it carry treated to two mysteries, not knowing who the killer or the victim over to the other transitions. were. You can spoil only one of these with a The costume was iconic of the period: The performances are dynamic, the men wear mostly black and white plain Wikipedia search. The performances are dynamic, considering that the characters are suitsw and bow ties, with the exception of considering that the characters are iconic iconic in nature. Daniel Gorton’s Chaplin’s cummerbund a brooding shade of in nature. Daniel Gorton’s Charlie Chaplin Charlie Chaplin plays the master purple. The evening gowns are exquisite. A plays the master clown as an emotionally clown as an emotionally torn artist range of popping colours adorned with a high torn artist struggling with the consequences struggling with the consequences level of attention invested in the accessories. of his lifestyle. (Turns out Charlie Chaplin of his lifestyle. (Turns out Charlie It’s a shame the consistency breaks during a knocked up his lead actress. Who was 16. Chaplin knocked up his lead actress. silly hat party. The costume props are thrown Who was 16. True story.) True story.) together from noticeably $2–shop props, William Randolph Hearst, the media which breaks the lavishly ‘20s atmosphere. mogul who owns the boat, is played with conviction and integrity Sadly, it is unlikely that anyone in the readership of Salient will by Stagecraft veteran David Cox. He commands the stage with bold go to the show. It’s okay. You don’t need to apologise. I understand. vocal tone. Though Captain of the ship, Cox’s performance breaks I wouldn’t have gone if I didn’t have a reviewer comp. Stagecraft through the established archetype at certain moments, creating productions have tertiary-student tickets priced at $20 (with a valid depth. student ID). BATS tickets are reliably $10–15 concession. Even Jessica Aaltonen is a delight to watch perform as the sassy Marion Circa has tickets for $25 for under-25s (and they pay their actors). Davies. Her physicality is graceful and enthusiastic. She energetically Stagecraft is isolating the student population with exorbitant and smiles over subtext, showing the rope which weighs her anchor. She unnecessary ticket prices. listens and reacts to her scene partners while still being enough of a The Cat’s Meow is a solid production. An intriguing script force to give her scenes momentum. performance by actors who break the stereotype of amateur The supporting starlet duo of Celia Moore (Eileen Chase) and dramatics. The play runs for two-and-a-half hours in total, yet doesn’t Didi Dawson (Emily Gorton) deserve a special mention for playful drag and concludes with satisfaction with the plot as opposed to the portrayals, ironically creating comic relief for Charlie Chaplin’s tragic relief of the final bow. It is evocative, sexy, and a little bit dangerous. subplot. Their background gossip creates the high-stakes mood and Great for a date if you’re dating someone rich and famous. tone of the Hollywood scene.

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VISUAL ART

pyr a m i d club a n i n t e rv i e w w i t h d a n b e b a n

by Simon Gennard

t any given moment, Wellington’s cultural landscape is a site of unrest. Bars close and become other bars, galleries run out of money, or the Council declares buildings unsafe. As was the case with Fred’s, a venue dedicated to experimental music and sound art which was housed in a disused church on Frederick St between 2009 and 2012. The group operated out-of-site for about a year, organising events in spaces around Wellington. Earlier this year, they settled into a permanent location on Taranaki St, called the Pyramid Club. I recently sat down with Dan Beban, the site’s organiser, to talk about his vision for the space, how it fits within Wellington’s performance landscape, and the history of sound art in Wellington.

What kind of work are you interested in presenting?

Can you start by giving some background to The Pyramid Club? Who is involved and how did it originate?

What kind of curatorial involvement do you take with the space?

Fred’s and Pyramid Club are part of a longer tradition in Wellington of music and art spaces, sort of DIY places, such as the Spacething, which was on Adelaide Rd for a while, and then it moved to Happy, which changed to Puppies a little while ago. So there’s been this continuation of artist-run spaces.

Basically there’s a small group of people as the core group of PC, and I’m kind of like the director of it. So we have to decide what goes on there, and it’s not like anything can, or anything would fit that space or the kind of ethos of the place, but it’s very open. The thing I tried to do in running Fred’s was to have this juxtaposition. When you’re curating it doesn’t really do any good to have too many similar things, so what you try and do is juxtapose groups and styles so you expose audiences to different things. So you’d turn up expecting some psychedelic folk band, and the support act is, you know, a solo improvised saxophone piece.

How do you see yourself fitting within a particular performance and sound art landscape in Wellington? Pyramid Club is relatively small: there might be 60 people and that’s pretty full. And the acoustics of the room, it’s kind of interesting; it’s almost like a basement, but it’s up on a first-floor level, it has quite a low ceiling, quite a sort of boxy room. There’s no stage, you play on the floor, it’s quite different in a lot of ways to somewhere like Puppies or the Mighty, which is just much bigger; it’s a commercial operation, you know, they’re in the business of selling booze. That’s not our purpose and that’s not our worry. It means we can be more open to people doing weirder shit, where no one turns up, or not many people turn up. It’s a good time right now in Wellington; there’s a need for places for people to play music, put on exhibitions, whatever it is, and it’s shifting this year. There’s been these things set up, like Puppies, which was Happy, which has been there for a long time – ten years or more now, and Mighty’s been round for seven years – so there’s going to be this shift, unless someone opens up another bar or something, into more DIY spaces, people’s houses and that kind of stuff.

Pyramid Club is just getting going. We’ve only had four or five gigs. [Recently] we had Hermione Johnson – this really great Auckland musician, she was part of a series we’ve got going which is called Extraordinary Renditions – we’re bringing together sound artists and people from out of town to Wellington to perform at TPC, or stage an installation or something like that. Other people coming up: we’ve got a guy called Rory Daly, who’s a sound artist; he uses lots of little toys and electronics and junk percussion and things like that. That’s the kind of shit I hope to encourage more of.

What projects have you got lined up for the future? At the moment we’re just getting the momentum going and seeing how it works. In a way, it’s sort of like the space itself defines what goes on there; you can’t really dictate too much how it happens because you have to see how people act when people go there. So we’re just organising weekly gigs with a variety of different bands and artists and things; and other things we want to do is get monthly art exhibitions in the stairwell, I’ve put a call out to people who might be interested in that. And I’d like to run a weekly night school – a workshop thing – so you’re an artist, say, and you come along you present some sort of lecture or workshop or presentation or whatever it is you want to do.

editor@salient.org.nz

FASHION

IN REVIEW : Sexy Styling by Elise Munden This review is by no means attempting to encourage or discourage certain activities or a particular image of the human body. You are all beautiful. Nevertheless, here are some hints for those wanting to shake up their style in the sack. Nipple Tassles Once these bedazzled little ornaments are affixed to one’s nipple, there isn’t really much to worry about. In fact, I quite like the idea of my 10E nips turning into two tiny tasseled disco balls under the appropriate mood lighting. But removing the tassels could potentially be problematic, especially if you’re sensitive in that area. Also, despite the myriad of YouTube videos offering advice on how best to twirl said tassels, it would be a major mood killer if you attempted, then failed to execute, a proper twirl. Price: Average cost is $31.99 from Peaches and Cream. Outfits Whether your style is flirty French maid, naughty nurse, or sultry Snow White, the internet has an outfit to suit every imagination. They can also be reused as excellent Halloween costumes. But wearing one of these outfits in the bedroom takes a lot of confidence in yourself to ‘play the part’, and as soon as you or your partner break the role-playing game, the moment will inevitably have passed. The crucial question to ask yourself is: are you prepared to pay for an outfit that might not get much use? Good-quality lingerie costs about the same and can be worn in far more circumstances. Price: Average cost is $79.99 from Bras N Things. Waxing Brazilian Wax (women): The pain factor is usually what puts people off getting a Brazilian. But if you pop a couple of ibuprofen 30 minutes beforehand, the pain will usually only be momentary. You should also consider your skin type; if you have extremely sensitive skin, this treatment is probably not for you. But ladies, trust me when I say that the pain is worth it. The result is soooo smoooooth, and it makes you feel incredibly confident. It will also look good for about three weeks, so consider it an investment. Chest and Back (men): Wax boutiques in Wellington don’t currently offer Brazilians for men :( . That said, manscaping with wax has long been popular among males. While your partner might genuinely enjoy the Chewbacca look, they will appreciate the effort of having gotten a good wax. Price: $30–50 at Strip Wax Boutique (best place in town, hands down).

the sex issue

OVERSEEN AT VI C S ao i r s e

F i r s t -Y e a r M e d i a S t u d i e s , M āo r i a n d M u s i c Why did you choose these subjects? Because I lo v e t h e m a l l .

WHATS ON

VISUAL ARTS

BOOKS

How Wonder Works: A Conversation about Creative Science Writing Hear writers and scientists in discussion about the IIML’s newest writing workshop to be held in Trimester 2. Five writers will read their work. Scientists, non-scientists, writers and non-writers welcome. Tuesday 15 April, 12 pm, AM105 Alan MacDiarmid Building, VUW

Short Traditions: Abstraction from The Dowse Collection Short Traditions cuts a visual slice through the collection, bringing together paintings and drawings that have never before been shown together. Opens 18 April, The Dowse Artists’ film double feature Duncan Campbell’s Make it New John (2009, 55 mins) and Hito Steyerl’s In Free Fall (2010, 32 mins), introduced by Robert Leonard, Chief Curator. 1 May, 6 pm, City Gallery, free entry Talia Smith: Lead us outside, lead us outside quietly 16 April – 10 May, Enjoy

MUSIC

FILM

Hugh Laurie And The Copper Bottom Band The guy from House. The Michael Fowler Centre, $89 and up Wednesday 16 April Wolf Party LP release. Mighty Mighty, $10 Saturday 19 April, 8.30 pm 420 Eve with Kerosene Comic Book With Race Banyon and a whole lot more. See the music page for more details and an interview. Starts at 4 pm at Central Park, for free, moves to Puppies at 8 pm, $10 Saturday 19 April

Releases: on 17 April The Lego Movie Like Father, Like Son – Japanese Cannes Jury Prize–winning film Rio 2 The Invisible Woman The Other Woman Wellington Film Society: Samson and Delilah, 28 April, 6.15 pm, Paramount Cinema At the Film Archive: Exhibition opening and film screening of 30 6.30 pm, Free admission Antarctica: A Year on Ice Wed 16, Thurs 17, Wed 23, Thurs 24, Sat 26 / 4.30 pm Sat 26 April 7 pm, 92 mins $10

THEATRE

The Water Station BATS 16–26 April Concession tickets $14, Group 6+ $13

The Witching Hours Season 2 My Accomplice BATS All tickets $10 Thurs 17 April, 9 pm; Fri 25 April, 9 pm Return to the Planet of Forbidden Improv Tue 29 Apr 2014 – Sat 3 May 2014 6.30 pm BATS $14–18 All Star Micetro Sun 4 May 2014 – Sun 18 May 2014 7 pm The Fringe Bar $14–18 Mr McGee & the Biting Flea Sat 19 Apr 2014 – Sat 3 May 2014 11 am, 2 pm Hannah Playhouse (formerly Downstage Theatre) Late Laughs – NZ International Comedy Festival Sat 26 Apr 2014 – Sat 17 May 2014 10 pm San Francisco Bath House $25 Craic Up! featuring Alan McElroy & Darren Jardine Wed 30 Apr 2014 – Sat 3 May 2014 10 pm The Cavern Club $16–18 Rhys Darby: Mr Adventure Thu 1 May 2014 – Sat 3 May 2014 8 pm The Opera House $42.50–47.50 Stephen K Amos – What Does the K Stand For? Sun 4 May 2014 7 pm The Opera House

V B C 8 8.3 G U I D E TUESDAY

JIVING JAMES & GROOVING GREG

ROBANDTAMMY

2.00 4.00PM

DEAD MAN MONDAY

WITH DUNCAN & CAM

TBC

TUNES WITH TAMBLY

STREET KNOWLEDGE

INFIDEL CASTRO

WITH ELEANOR & SIMON

WITH SAM & HUGH

WITH PHILIP MCSWEENEY

2 4 1

FRIDAY

TWO HOURS WITH TIMTAM

SATURDAY

SUNDAY

DEAD BOYSʼ PIRATE RADIO WITH WILL

THE NIGHT SHIFT WITH CHRIS

WITH PEARCE

DOMO ARIGATO

WITH MR ROBATO

SASAENG SATURDAYS

WITH CIARAN & SOPHIE

THURSDAY DRIVE WITH A.D.D

BAD SCIENCE

SIGNAL SOUNDS

SUPERFLUOUS SUPERHEROS

WITH HOLLY, S TUMBLE, GOOSEHEAD & VIC SERATONIN

WITH GEORGE ARMSTRONG

WAKE N BAKE

WITH OLLIE & ASHER

WITH SAVANNAH

THE SALIENT SHOW

DEAD AIR

RAW POLITIK

GRASSLANDS

WITH HUGO

7. 0 0 9.00PM 9.00 11 . 0 0 P M

THURSDAY

MUSIC, NEWS, INTERVIEWS, GIVEAWAYS

WITH CASEY & JOSS

11 P M 1. 0 0 A M

WEDNESDAY

THE VBC BREAKFAST SHOW

DRIVE 4 - 7PM

NOON 2.00PM

10 A M NOON

BREAKFAST 8 .10 A M

MONDAY

WITH LOU

WITH TIM & ALEX

PRE-LOAD

WITH MATT & FRIENDS

THE B-SIDE REVOLUTION

WITH RICHARD

The VBC is the Victoria University student radio station. You can tune in on 88.3FM or stream it live at www.vbc.org.nz. If you want to get involved, email the Station Manager, Rob Barrett, at vbc883fm@gmail.com.

editor@salient.org.nz

PUZZLES

Cryptic Clues

Across 1. Include it in the tax (5) 8. Gave off bubbles induced by electrical charge (8) 9. Going with some hesitation to make a bid (5) 10. New garden city of old Iraq seen in splendour (8) 11. Had the odour of fish (5) 12. Bank dispute (3) 16. Chase gives us pure diversion (6) 17. A taxi turns back to take us to part of the capital (6) 18. Give father a case for the sake of peace (3) 23. Quick to move, I left in time (5) 24. It’s champagne and the highlights for these idols (3,5) 25. New gates for the theatre (5) 26. Misplaced trust in a person unsuited to camp life (8) 27. Taper off having to say too much (5)

9 10

11 12

17 18

24 25 26 27

0-15 words: aw :( 16-25 words: semi okay 26-35 words: ya show off 35+ words: hey wordsmith

2 8

3 7 4 7 3 1

1 4

6 7

5 4

1 3 2 6

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8 8 9

Down 2. women-only social gathering (3,5) 3. a mixture of substances (8) 4. kind of summerhouse (6) 5. leaf of grass (5) 6. Capital of South Korea (5) 7. Jaunty (5) 12. Not many (3) 13. Travel regularly (3) 14. In fun (3,1,4) 15. Fit neatly together (8) 19. Mutually accepted (6) 20. Humorous remark (5) 21. Small stream (5) 22. Detest (5)17. Folds in cloth (6)

8 1 5

1 2

5 6

1 6

2 6

7 1

3 7

Across 1. a disturbing surprise (5) 8. keen sight (5,3) 9. light meal (5) 10. an irreversible failure (4,4) 11. succulent plants (5) 12. dandy (3) 16. stop work in protest (6) 17. to regard (4,2) 18. road (3) 23. no longer fashionable (5) 24. exceptional person or thing (4,4) 25. ending in disaster (5) 26. mock exultantly (4,4) 27. expertness (5)

9 3

9 7

3 2

6 7

9 5 3

Quick Clues

Down 2. notorious for being on good terms with celebs (8) 3. careless or else she’d changed (8) 4. City’s side at sea in scoreless draw (6) 5. The main body or just the chest? (5) 6. Change may be converted later (5) 7. love to make an entrance we hear (5) 12. cloth salesman (3) 13. May be pliable but means to grow stronger (3) 14. In plastering he has greater

trouble under a piano (8) 15. hustling around in the daytime (8) 19. stop doing wrong? (5) 20. breaks up bridges (5) 21. checks up and notices something (5) 22. in a part a sailor plays a prominent part (5)

2 5 8

QUIZ & COMICS

Quiz 1. What Pacific nation is Honiara the capital of? 2. Who said: “Everything in the world is about sex except sex. Sex is about power”? 3. The chemical NaCl is more commonly referred to as what? 4. ‘Deep Throat’ was the codename of the informant in which US political scandal that brought down a president? 5. True or false: Oxford University is older than the Aztec civilisation.

Would you rather…? 1. Would you rather have a pet whale, or a pet dolphin? 2. Would you rather your umbrella had holes in it (and you didn’t have a raincoat), or your shoes had holes in them? 3. Would you rather go back in time to visit the dinosaurs, or go forward and visit animals that do not yet exist? 4. Would you rather never have sex, or have sex with the same person every second for the rest of your life? 5. Would you rather have sex with a famous celebrity and have no one ever know, or not have sex with a famous celebrity but have everyone think you did?

Push the button

5 6 pm

with dun a

1. You gain the ability to read minds BUT you lose your sight. 2. You have infinite money BUT you can’t spend any of it on yourself. 3. You get to have sex with any person in the world BUT you only last 15 seconds. 4. You get to go to the Moon BUT there’s only a 50 per cent chance of returning. 5. You’re given $1 billion BUT you die one year later.

T RA

There is a button that you can push which will make the following things happen. Would you push it?

N IE

3 m v bc88.

B R O U G H T T O YO U B Y

editor@salient.org.nz

Answers: 1. The Solomon Islands. 2. Oscar Wilde. 3. Salt (sodium chloride). 4. Watergate. 5. True.

DRESS FOR SUCCESS Dress for Success Wellington is making room for winter stock by holding a showroom sale at their new premises, 53 Boulcott St, Wellington, from Tuesday 15 to Thursday 17 April from 10 am until 6 pm. There are lots of bargains in new and vintage clothing, and all proceeds go to help empower women and their families. Shop for Success.

JOURNEY OF HOPE Journey of Hope is a unique Kiwi charity. Our aim is to raise funds for and sponsor those who cannot afford to pay for medical treatment, travel expenses and medication. We support those who cannot support themselves, and we build supportive bases and strong foundations on which we can help them receive the treatment and help they need! Help us change their world! Web: www.journeyofhopenz.org Facebook: www.facebook.com/journeyofhopenz Tel: 0278648519 Mail: alfie@journeyofhopenz.org Brooke “Alfie” Butler

Victoria University Taekwondo Club (WTF style) Interested in Taekwondo? New to Taekwondo? Learned Taekwondo before? Come along and join us! Great way to keep fit and have fun! Training times: Tuesday 6.30–8 pm Long Room, Victoria University Recreation Centre Saturday 3.30–5 pm Dance Room, Victoria University Recreation Centre What you need: Drink bottle, comfy trousers/shorts, T-shirt Contact us: vuwtkd@hotmail.com We are affiliated to the Taekwondo Union of NZ (TUNZ)

CALLING ALL FASHION INTERESTED WRITERS Denmark-based fashion and lifestyle web magazine www.emilemag.com is looking for aspiring writers to contribute. The magazine is made for the readers, but also for you – it provides you with the opportunity to practice and develop your writing skills within your desired topic. You will be joining a team of students from all over the world who are all working together to create the greatest fashion 46

the sex issue

NOTICES If you want a notice in Salient, email us at editor@salient.org. nz. Notices must be sent to us by Wednesday 5 pm for the following week’s issue, and must be fewer than 100 words in length.

and lifestyle web magazine for students, by students. If you’re interested, hurry up and get in touch at emile@emilemag.com, or visit http://emilemag.com/index.php/participate]to read more.

WORLD OF WEARABLE ARTS AUDITIONS Have you thought about auditioning as a model or dancer for WOW®? Each year, over 200 local models, dancers and performers bring the WOW® Awards Show to life, right here in Wellington. You don’t have to be a professional model or dancer to audition, you just need to be a confident mover and keen to try new things. Come along to open auditions on Sunday 25 May at the Opera House (113 Manners St). Model registration starts at 9.30 am, and dancers must preregister before audition day. For more info, visit worldofwearableart.com/news and click ‘Cast and Crew’.

INTERNATIONAL SOCIALISTS ANZAC Day: Against the Carnival of Reaction Where? SU219, Student Union Building, Kelburn campus When? 6.30 pm, Tuesday 15 April “Lest we forget”, the cliché goes. But ANZAC Day serves to prevent historical memory of the real experience of New Zealand involvement in war. It’s a day used by the state to promote militarism under the guise of ‘honouring’ the dead. It’s a day used to promote a toxic nationalism. 2014 marks 100 years since the start of World War One – next year, with the centenary of Gallipoli, the rhetoric will be worse still. The talk in this meeting stands against ANZAC Day and its reactionary nationalism, and argues for a different tradition: that of the anti-imperialist and anti-militarist currents of opposition in these islands. Hosted by the International Socialists

www.iso.org.nz https://www.facebook.com/pages/ISOAotearoa/112762242130232 https://twitter.com/SocialistReview

SHIT HOT FUTURE? Climate change. Solvable. Come and hear how – and tell us what the most important reason is for you. Time: 6 pm, Wednesday 16 April Place: Rooms 217 and 218, VUW Student Union Building What it is: “Shit Hot Future?” A rapid, interactive speaking event... Presented by: Generation Zero and Gecko Do you think NZ is on track for YOUR shithot future? Join Generation Zero, the CEO of PowerShop, and an acclaimed expert in renewable energy – to talk about making a shit-hot future with clean energy, rather than the shittest hottest future with fossil fuels.

VIC OE – VIC STUDENT EXCHANGE PROGRAMME Why not study overseas as part of your degree?! Study in English, earn Vic credit, get StudyLink and grants, explore the world! Weekly seminars on Wednesdays, Level 2, Easterfield Building, 12.50 pm NEXT DEADLINE: 16 JULY for Tri 1, 2015 exchanges! Website: http://victoria.ac.nz/exchange Visit us: Level 2, Easterfield Building Drop-in hours: Mon–Wed 1–3 pm, Thurs & Fri 10–12 pm

CLASSIFIEDS Does the thought of writing about yourself fill you with dread? Are you procrastinating from a scholarship or job application right now? I’m a journalist (and former Salient editor) with a proven track record of getting people to do what I want, like give me a job on the strength of a BA in Media Studies, through my persuasive command of the written word. As such I can help you determine your most desirable attributes and give you advice on how to structure and present your application to maximise your appeal to potential employers. $30 per hour; subediting, copywriting, transcribing also available. elle.a.hunt@gmail.com

contributors editors: Duncan McLachlan & Cameron Price d e s i g n e r : I m o g e n Te m m news editor: Sophie Boot c r e at i v e e d i t o r : C h l o e Dav i e s c h i e f s u b - e d i t o r : N i c k Fa r g h e r distributor: Joe Morris f e at u r e w r i t e r : P h i l i p M c S w e e n e y ( c h i e f ) , P e n n y G a u lt , Alex Hollis w e b e d i t o r : D e x t e r E d wa r d s n e w s i n t e r n s : S i m o n D e n n i s , S t e p h Tr e n g r o v e arts editors: Nina Powles (Books), Charlotte Doyle (Film), H e n r y C o o k e ( M u s i c ) , R o s e C a n n ( Th e a t r e ) , S i m o n G e n n a r d ( Vi s u a l A r t s ) , E l i s e M u n d e n ( Fa s h i o n ) general contributors: Jonny Abbot t, Oliver Bailey, Sonya Cl ark, Decl an D o h e rt y - R a m s ay, G e o rg e Fe n n , M a d e l e i n e F o re m a n , R u p e rt H u n t e r, E m m a H u r l e y, E v e K e n n e d y, M o l ly McCarthy, Jordan McCluskey, Hugo McKinnon, Eleanor M e rto n , G u s M i tc h e l l , S a m N o rt h c ot t, S a m Patc h e t t (sports writer), Ollie Ritchie, Sofia Roberts, Carlo S a l i z z o , E m m a S h i , B e n S p e a k , P u r u Ta i t a m a , W i l b u r To w n s e n d , L e o Th o m a s , D a v i d W i l l i a m s

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the sex issue