Salient Issue 15 - Volume 89

ISSUE #15

Editor

Phoebe Robertson

Designer & Cartoonist

Jim Higgs

Sub-Editor

Holly Rowsell

News Writers

Dan Moskovitz

Martha Schenk

Otis Whinney

Ali Cook

Columnist

Guy van Egmond

Critic-at-large

Jackson McCarthy

Comic Artists

Grace Elzenheimer

Jack Graham

Contributing Writers

Tamanna Amin

Zia Ravenscroft

Christopher Curtis

Ryan Cleland

Social Media Manager

Will Tickner

Photographer

Sophie Spencer

Centrefold Artist

Sophie Spencer

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To contribute to Salient, you can submit poetry, creative writing, artwork, comics, puzzles, features, and other ideas. Feature articles must be pitched to the Editor before writing; send pitches to editor@salient.org.nz. Artwork should be sent to designer@salient.org.nz. Creative writing submissions are accepted through the form on our website. All other contributions, including puzzles and general ideas, should be emailed to the Editor. Submissions are welcome from first-time and returning contributors.

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Notice: Due to popular demand—and letters— Salient is gauging interest in a Minecraft edition. If you have a feature, idea, drawing, or anything else specifically about Minecraft, please email me at editor@salient.org.nz. If there’s enough interest, we might just make it happen.

In all seriousness, the editorial team here at Salient wants to acknowledge and pay tribute to VUW alumni, actor, activist, and animal lover Sir Sam Neill, who died last week at the age of 78.

While many tributes have focused on his starring roles, we’re taking the student approach and highlighting his activism instead.

Until his death, Neill opposed Santana Minerals’ proposal for a large-scale open-cast and underground mine in Otago’s Dunstan Mountains. He also called Resources Minister Shane Jones a “bully” and a “hypocrite”—a sentiment this Salient team can get behind.

Neill regularly worked with Greenpeace, spoke out against billionaires hiding out in New Zealand, and was a committed conservationist. On his farm, he named his animals after friends and colleagues— which, he joked, helped keep them off the menu.

My personal favourite is a poem he wrote in 2019 about his Muscovy ducks:

“When the world seems close to pear shaped, When leaders fill you with despair When things look dark and dreary And love seems far too rareCUDDLE A DUCK [ It works ...]”

In that spirit, we’re pretty happy that this issue coincides with VUWSA’s Sustainability Week. Its contents are also, perhaps somewhat accidentally, loosely tied together by nature.

Grace Sayer guides us through walks around Te Whanganui-a-Tara that can be reached by public transport, proving you don’t need a car—or an expeditiongrade pair of hiking boots—to escape the concrete. Pedro Hay introduces us to the babirusa, an animal I had never heard of before editing this issue and am now unlikely to forget. Milla Brown’s creative writing turns its attention to rain.

Whether you spend Sustainability Week climbing a mountain, learning about an alarmingly tusked pig, standing in the rain, or simply reconsidering your relationship with the world around you, we hope this issue gives you something to think about.

And when the world starts going pearshaped, you know what to do. Staglands is just hitting-up-your-mate-with-a-car away.

Spencer is a

Dearest Editor,

The first crossword I have ever completed in my entire life was the Minecraft one in this week's edition of Salient.

I have never achieved such a feat. Thank you so very much for including it.

Dear editor,

I attended the vuwsa quiz night, vuwsa needs to chill w the salient digs at phoebe - @r4tsrc00l

Should have been queerlient (I promise this is lighthearted lol) - @khaishea

I am SICK and TIRED of hearing about the situationships of the people at this university. I pick up the salient every week for the crossword and on my way to the puzzles page, I am bombarded by poems, short stories and complaints about evil situationships in every possible literary form. There is a time and place for these and that place is the groupchat of your close personal friends NOT the student magazine where I am only looking for my horoscope. I understand the toll that an evil situationship can take on one's wellbeing and the excessive need to discuss this with anyone you come in contact with but I would actually rather not read a think piece on why he didn't text you back. Trees were cut down for this and I would appreciate a higher standard of content moving forward. Please invest in a journal, maybe. Or if the journal factory somehow went out of business, consider starting your own, or even alternatively just blocking these people.

Sincerely, a concerned reader

Submit to the Letters page by emailing editor@salient.org.nz

Best letter each week will win a FREE PIZZA from the Hunter Lounge!

However, this story has a happy ending. As I returned to Kelburn campus for my 3pm lecture (almost an equally horrific lecture time as 9am) I spotted a full magazine holder thing, and as I peered in my face lit up with a grin as I saw issue 14 contained within.

Whoever edited the minecraft crossword obvs did not ply bc they spelled elytra WRONG… the people want a minecraft salient they told me personally plsplspls

@__haileeyyyi

I feel like I somewhat understand why the plugs in the FT77 seminar rooms are so scuffed

@_falling_embers

Brought it home for my partner who is a puzzle lover and ended up solving them together! Great bonding activity - absolutely looovvveee it! Thank you, Salient! - @happygirlfriend

WINNER

Week of July 20 - July 26, 2026

Thurs 23/7 Their Eyes Were Flowers

‘Untitled Album’ Release Show - with Parentheses and Jjoyce 7.30pm @ Valhalla

Thurs 23/7 Dawn Porter and Snore: Double Debut - Acoustic/Solo, Alternative, Rock 7pm @ Welsh Dragon Bar

Thurs 23/7 Colombian Independence Day Celebration - Featuring C-26 Salsa Band 8pm @ Rogue and Vagabond

Fri 24/7 Vera Ellen NZ Tourwith Half Angel and Synthia x Ghanjee 8pm @ Meow

Sat 25/7 Kittlesfest - Featuring Dónal Gunning and the Bucks, Lucy Dibble, Lazy Susan, and Curlys Jewels 7pm @ Meow

Sat 25/7 Oscar Dowling Album Release Tour - with Silicon Tongue 8pm @ Welsh Dragon Bar

Sat 25/7 Emily Alice Te Whanganui-aTara Debut Headline Show - with Yawner 8.30pm @ Rogue and Vagabond

Sun 26/7 Haïti and Cuba Fundraiser: Live Music and Art Market - Featuring Wear Ponamu, Mellifera, Blonde Legacy, and Točka - market from 12pm music from 5pm @ Newtown Community Centre

Sun 26/7 Sunday Jazz Ft. Brio Trio + TheoJazz, Blues, and RnB 3pm @ Undercurrent

Gig guide and photography by

Sophie Spencer

Kindekel ll is a DJ who has been gracing dance floors with Detroit Techno since early 2025. She began DJing after falling in love with dance music on a post-highschool trip around Europe. Returning home, she developed her sound and practice through dabbling in genres such as hardcore, club, tribal, and trap before circling back to the traditional techno sound, cementing in the feels she had experienced in overseas clubs. Kindekel ll has stepped back from the decks to focus on rest, uni, and developing her own sound through music production, entering her next era of experimentation.

Taxing the Gain: What Would a Capital Gains Tax Actually Do?

Ali Cook

Capital gains tax is back on New Zealand’s political agenda. Labour has promised to introduce a targeted capital gains tax if elected in 2026, while National has pledged that it will not introduce one.

The debate has already produced the usual combination of tax jargon, frightening hypotheticals, and arguments about whether landlords are hardworking investors or property-hoarding parasites. Before deciding who is right, it helps to understand what is actually being proposed.

What is a capital gains tax?

A capital gains tax, usually shortened to CGT, is a tax on the profit made when an asset increases in value and is later sold.

Suppose you buy an investment property for $500,000 and later sell it for $700,000. Your capital gain is $200,000. A CGT would tax some or all of that gain—not the entire $700,000 sale price.

Most capital gains taxes are “realisation-based,” meaning the tax is generally triggered when the owner sells the asset. You would not ordinarily receive a tax bill each year simply because your property had increased in value.

A CGT is therefore different from a wealth tax, which is usually charged regularly according to the value of the assets a person owns. It is also different from rates, which homeowners pay to local councils regardless of whether their property has been sold.

Does New Zealand already tax capital gains?

New Zealand does not have a comprehensive capital gains tax. However, some profits from selling property are already treated as taxable income.

The best-known example is the bright-line test. For residential property sold on or after 1 July 2024, the profit will generally be taxable if the property is sold within two years of its purchase, unless an exclusion applies. The family home is generally excluded, alongside farmland and business premises.

Selling after two years does not automatically guarantee that a gain will be tax-free. Other rules may apply where someone bought the property intending to resell it, has a pattern of buying and selling properties, or operates as a property dealer, developer, or builder. Mere appreciation, however, does not make a gain taxable by itself.

The result is a patchwork. Some gains are taxed depending on the asset, the seller’s intentions, and how long the asset was held, while many others remain outside the tax system. The 2019 Tax Working Group described New Zealand’s treatment of capital gains as unusual among developed countries.

Why do people support a CGT?

The first argument is fairness. Income from salaries and wages is taxed as it is earned. By contrast, a person may make a substantial earnings from the increasing value of an investment and pay little or no tax on it. Supporters argue that it makes little sense to tax income differently simply because one person earned it by working while another gained it through owning an appreciating asset.

The Tax Working Group called this “horizontal equity”: the principle that people in similar economic circumstances should face similar tax obligations, regardless of how their income was generated. It concluded that the inconsistent treatment of capital gains benefits the wealthiest New Zealanders because ownership of assets that generate substantial gains is concentrated among wealthier households.

The second argument is revenue. Extending taxation to capital gains would broaden the tax base, giving the Government more money for services or allowing it to reduce other taxes. That revenue would not necessarily be stable, however. It would rise when asset prices and sales were strong and fall during economic downturns.

The third argument concerns where New Zealanders invest their money. When gains from some assets are tax-free while other forms of income are taxed, investors have an incentive to choose investments partly for their tax treatment rather than their underlying productivity. Supporters argue that taxing property gains could reduce the advantage enjoyed by property and encourage more investment in businesses, innovation, and other productive activity.

The Tax Working Group agreed that inconsistent taxation could distort investment decisions. However, it also acknowledged that the overall effect on productivity was uncertain: a CGT could improve the allocation of investment while simultaneously reducing aftertax returns and discouraging some saving.

What exactly is Labour proposing?

Labour’s proposal is considerably narrower than the broad CGT recommended by a majority of the Tax Working Group in 2019.

Under Labour’s policy, a flat 28% tax would apply to gains on residential investment properties

Article contiues on next page.

and commercial property. The family home (including lifestyle blocks) would be exempt, along with farms, shares, KiwiSaver, businesses, inheritances, and personal possessions.

The policy would be forward-looking. Properties would receive an opening value on 1 July 2027, and only increases after that date would be taxable. The tax would generally be paid when the property was sold.

Suppose an investment property was worth $800,000 on 1 July 2027. Its owner later spent $50,000 improving it and sold it for $950,000. The taxable gain would be $100,000 after deducting the improvement costs, producing a $28,000 tax bill.

Costs associated with buying the property and making capital improvements could be deducted when calculating the gain. Rates and interest would not be deducted from the capital gain. Capital losses could be carried forward, but they would be ring-fenced, meaning they could offset future gains from similar assets rather than salary or other income.

Labour estimates that the tax would raise an average of $700 million a year across its forecast period, although revenue would begin at only $100 million in 2027/28 before increasing as more properties were sold with post-2027 gains. Labour says the money would be ring-fenced for healthcare, beginning with three free doctor’s visits each year for every New Zealander.

Its narrow scope makes the proposal politically easier to sell: most homeowners, KiwiSaver members, and small investors would not pay it directly. But the exemptions also weaken the claim that the policy would treat all forms of income equally. Gains from shares, businesses, farms, and expensive owneroccupied homes would remain untaxed.

Why does National oppose it?

National argues that taxing investment gains would discourage people from saving, investing, and building businesses. Its position is that people who take financial risks and build assets should be allowed to retain the reward, rather than face an additional tax when they sell.

The party also argues that the policy would make the tax system more complicated, increase Inland Revenue’s administrative costs, and make New Zealand less attractive to investors. National has promised that it will not introduce a CGT.

These concerns are not entirely invented. A realisation-based CGT can produce what tax economists call “lock-in.” Because the tax becomes payable when an asset is sold, an owner may delay selling simply to postpone the bill, even when somebody else could make better use of the asset. Valuing properties, recording improvements, allocating mixed business and property gains, and policing the boundary between exempt and taxable assets would also create additional work for taxpayers and Inland Revenue.

But maintaining the present system also creates complexity. Inland Revenue must currently determine whether a gain is taxable by examining matters such as the purchaser’s original intention, their history of transactions, and the nature of their business. The choice is not necessarily between a complicated CGT and a perfectly simple status quo.

Would it increase rents?

This is one of the most disputed parts of the debate.

National argues that taxing gains from rental properties would make them less attractive to investors. If landlords sold their houses and fewer rental properties were available, tenants could face greater competition and higher rents.

Labour responds that rents are primarily determined by what tenants can pay and by the supply and demand for housing, rather than by a tax charged years later when a property is sold.

The Tax Working Group’s conclusion sat somewhere between the two. It expected a CGT to place some small upward pressure on rents and downward pressure on house prices, but found no evidence of a general rent surge following the introduction of similar taxes overseas. It also cautioned that broader factors (such as housing construction, land availability, population growth, and interest rates) would probably have a much larger effect than the tax itself.

A landlord leaving the market also does not necessarily make a house disappear. The property may be purchased by another landlord or by a former renter becoming an owner-occupier. The effect on rents therefore depends on who buys the property, whether new homes continue to be built, and how the wider housing market responds.

What about KiwiSaver?

Labour’s proposal explicitly exempts KiwiSaver, shares, and business assets. KiwiSaver members would not personally receive a CGT bill on the growth of their funds.

National nevertheless argues that returns could be affected indirectly where a fund has exposure to businesses or property affected by the tax. Labour calls that claim misleading because of the policy’s exemptions. The extent of any indirect effect would ultimately depend on the final legislation and the investments held by each fund.

So, should New Zealand introduce one?

That depends on which problem you think matters most.

A CGT could make the tax system more progressive, collect revenue from gains that currently escape tax, and reduce property’s preferential treatment. But it would also create new valuation and compliance costs, discourage some transactions, and potentially place limited upward pressure on rents.

Labour’s proposal attempts to balance those concerns by taxing only investment and commercial property. That makes it less disruptive than a comprehensive CGT—but also less capable of fixing the wider inconsistency between the taxation of work and wealth.

The real debate is therefore not simply whether capital gains should be taxed. It is about which gains should be taxed, which assets should be protected, who would ultimately bear the cost, and what the Government should do with the money.

Have your say in whether a CGT is implemented: the 2026 General Election will be held on Saturday 7 November. Voters must be enrolled by midnight on Sunday 25 October, before advance voting begins the following day.

Residents of 13 Garrett Street Face Eviction due to Earthquake-Strengthening

Holly Rowsell

After more than 30 years as a communal home and independent arts space, the residents of 13 Garrett Street will leave the central Pōneke building on 22 November.

The residents announced the end of their tenancy in a 7 July Instagram post, saying the building’s new owners planned to carry out earthquake-strengthening work and redevelop the property.

Under the proposed redevelopment, the ground floor— currently occupied by café Pour & Twist and clothing store Dirty Laundry—will become a bar and events venue, while the residential upper floors will be converted into office space.

On its archival website, the 13 Garrett Street collective describes the building as “a two-floor monstrosity in the centre of Pōneke that houses a rotating crew of ~16 people, and has done so since the early 1990s.

“It is both a home and a community space; a gig venue, a refuge, a non-commercial space to create art and hold political discussions and organising.”

Over the past year, the building has hosted live music, poetry readings, film festivals, fundraisers, community markets, puppet shows, and potluck dinners, among other events.

In their Instagram announcement, the residents described the end of their tenancy as “shocking and devastating news” for themselves, their community, and the city.

Commenters shared memories of the flat and expressed concern about what its loss would mean for Wellington’s cultural life.

Instagram user @biomassfreak described the flat as “A living, beating heart of community, culture and care,” while @_ largethey_ called it “an institution, *the* cultural hub of Wellington, since the 80s.”

“garrett is, was and forever will be a gift.” @landlordspec1al wrote.

Others connected the closure to wider economic pressures affecting artists and young people in Aotearoa. @grains_nz wrote that the disappearance of large inner-city spaces such as Garrett Street was “a big part” of why young people were leaving the country.

Wellington Tree, a familiar figure on the city’s streets, commented: “I wish culture was valued more by those with the power to stomp all over it.”

@biomassfreak described the closure more bluntly as “a soulless, faceless act of bureaucratic capitalism.”

Property information published by realestate.co.nz shows 13 Garrett Street was sold last August for $1.6 million.

Its new owners, Emily and William Broadmore, said they purchased the property because it was “an iconic Wellington building with a rich cultural history and it needed to be earthquake strengthened.”

The earthquake strengthening will be carried out by William, Director of Maguire Construction which has previously strengthened and restored historic Cuba Street buildings such as Arco House and Maguire’s Building. They are currently restoring the Berry Building, out of which Emily runs The Wellington Writers’ Studio.

William’s bio on the company’s website states he has “23 years experience in construction management and development in Wellington and London, spanning from large commercial new builds to technical heritage strengthening, restoration and conversions.”

“The legal deadline for the strengthening is 2027, so we purchased it knowing we would have to move quickly,” they said in an email interview with Salient.

Wellington City Council records, however, list the building’s current strengthening deadline as 2031, following an extension granted in June 2025, before the Broadmores purchased the property.

The Broadmores said they did not see the work as only a strengthening and safety project, but as an opportunity to restore the building in a way that would continue to provide social and cultural value.

“We see this as an opportunity to give Wellington back a special venue that has been missing in Wellington for a long time,” they said.

“The building deserves to be restored in a way that will continue to provide social and cultural value to our community.”

They are working with Wellington events promoter, Jack Parry, who is expected to operate a multipurpose events venue on the ground floor.

Article contiues on next page.

Image credit: Flo Hillyer-Brandt

Parry has been involved in Wellington's music and events scene since 2020, most notably through the music venue Lacuna on Kent Terrace which operated from 2020 until 2022.

Parry described Lacuna as a space dedicated to “promoting electronic music events that [brought] together local artists and international touring acts.”

“Since we lost our Kent Terrace space in 2022, the objective has been finding a new place to call home,” Parry said in an interview with Salient.

“Our vision isn't to recreate what Garrett Street has been, because that happened organically over a long period of time. Instead, we want to build on that spirit by creating a permanent home for music, culture and creative events that feels authentic to Wellington today.

“The venue will certainly host our own programme, but we'd also love it to become a platform for other promoters, artists and creative communities,” he said.

“Ultimately, if people see it as somewhere that brings energy back into the city and contributes positively to Wellington's creative scene, we'll have done our job.”

The Broadmores share this ambition, saying they hoped the redevelopment would mark an “exciting new era for the building."

For the current residence, however, the value of 13 Garrett Street lies not only in the building's function as a venue, but in the community that has developed around it over several decades.

Asked what she wanted people to understand about the building’s current era, Sarah, the flat’s longest-standing resident, described her most prized keepsake: an Instax photograph she found on the floor while cleaning.

The photograph showed the building’s front door, drawn over in fine black marker with the words “Portal to a Better Future.”

“It’s been pinned to my wall for a year,” they said.

“If you want to understand what our community feels like it's losing—it's that. A possible future that is intrinsically tied to this community, not the building, but the people who have made it what it is.”

Sarah described Garrett Street as one of the last places in the area where community existed outside commercial pressures.

“We are the last space on Cuba Street where community means something beyond market forces. So many residents, associates, and friends of the flat make it what it is because they see in it what they can't in the rest of the city—a community space not mediated by the dictates of capitalism.”

“A place of genuine physical and emotional warmth that wraps around you and doesn't let go.”

They said the loss of 13 Garrett Street reflected a broader erosion of Wellington’s grassroots communities.

“Wellington is dying,” she said.

“As defensive as we might get over our city, over our scenes, over the kinds of community that have been built in spite of the relentless drive of the property market—and the usual platitudes that, somehow, the Wellington that we want is just around the corner—things are getting worse.”

Sarah said the city’s cultural heart was being steadily diminished by systemic neglect, political inaction and the commercialisation of everyday life.

“This heart of our city is being wrenched out day by day … through the idea (that we've always stood against) that your everyday life, and the needs of that life, can be atomised and commodified; that a community space that has existed for the better part of half a century can be hollowed, redeveloped, and sold off as a product—a parody of the mahi, the kaupapa, and the care that has given the building the caché that has made it so valuable.

“A year from now, this building will have been redeveloped, and I will be carrying that polaroid in my wallet like a dead wife photo wishing, as all the grieving do, that we could have had just one more year together.

“For now, I'm clinging to the hope that we'll find a way to keep the portal to a better future from closing.”

The current residents are collecting material for The Museum of Garrett, an online archive documenting the building and the communities that have formed around it.

They are seeking “photos, videos, gig and event posters, artwork, gossip, slander, ephemera,” and all other contributions.

The archive can be found at www.museumofgarrett.com

Image credit: Flo Hillyer-Brandt

Image credit: Flo Hillyer-Brandt

TOP Confident 2026 Will Finally Be the Year Voters Mistakenly Tick the Right Box

Ryan Reinolds

As New Zealand hurtles towards the 2026 General Election, every political party is scrambling for voters' attention. The Opportunities Party (TOP) is no exception, having unveiled its latest election blueprint under the reassuring title: “No Guys, Trust Us, This Time."

For most political parties, three consecutive election defeats would surely prompt a period of reflection. For TOP, however, it has prompted a rebrand of the exact same PowerPoint presentation.

Since its founding, the party has mounted valiant assaults on the 5 percent threshold required to enter Parliament, narrowly missing in 2017, then once more in 2020 before completing the trilogy in 2023. Political scientists now classify TOP as less of a political movement and more of a recurring calendar event.

Inspired by Chumbawamba's “Tubthumping,” the party has mastered the art of getting knocked down and then immediately asking for another go. Unfortunately, unlike the song—which only lasts four minutes—TOP has been singing it for nearly a decade.

position." Party officials deny this, insisting the appointment followed "a rigorous process involving at least one LinkedIn message."

Policy-wise, TOP is promising bold, evidence-based reforms that poll exceptionally well among people who have already decided they aren't voting for TOP. Strategists describe this as "playing the long game," although nobody is entirely sure how long the game is supposed to last.

Wong, speaking to The Horse's Mouth about her decision to contest the Mount Albert Electorate, described her campaign to win over Auckland's young professionals as "combining the worst parts of both the left and the right." A self-described "Enlightened Centrist," she remains convinced that her political path—despite never having been embraced by the broader electorate—is destined to become the new kingmaker.

If insanity is doing the same thing over and over while expecting a different result, TOP has successfully transformed it into an election strategy.

Still, there is one silver lining. Current polling suggests TOP remains comfortably ahead of the newly formed “Bottom Party” whose entire platform consists of "finishing last with dignity." The Bottom Party celebrated reaching 0.3 percent in an internal poll before discovering it had accidentally included candidates' immediate family members twice. Its leader hailed the result as "proof we are officially New Zealand's fastest-

ON CINEMA

It’s finally here. The much anticipated epic-action-drama-fantasythriller from favourite man director Christopher Nolan. This is the first narrative feature to be filmed entirely on IMAX cameras. While I did make an effort to see this on the biggest screen, my car broke down in Island Bay and I had to watch this movie from a slooped couch at Empire Cinema. The Odysessy is Nolan’s best work yet, with jaw-dropping action sequences, real locations, practical effects and almost well-written female protagonists. Some have critiqued it for its historical inaccuracy, modern accents and many actors with so-called “iPhone face”. If you want historical accuracy, go read the original poem! (I’ve read it and it doesn’t even rhyme.)

Rating: 5 bags of popcorn

TOP welcomed the comparison, saying it's nice to finally have

ReporterRyan Reinolds

Expert review by Gus Saddleton

This weeks film:

The Odysessy Christopher Nolan (2026)

Movie buffGus Saddleton

The Horse's Mouth

STRICTLY 4 THE ISLANDS

Weekly Pacific Politics with Otis Whinney

South Aukilani: Under New Management?

Aotearoa’s own Tāmaki Makaurau is often referred to as the largest Pacific city in the world, and there is much truth in that description. The city’s Pacific population exists in all corners of Aotearoa’s most populous city, but suburbs and neighborhoods within South Auckland have become the most famous examples of the Pacific community in the city. Māngere, Manurewa, and Takānini in particular have become significant targets for a certain political party looking to win big in this year's general election— Winston Peters’ New Zealand First.

Traditionally, the Labour Party has been able to count on the political loyalty of large parts of the Pacific population in Aotearoa, but in 2026 nothing in politics can be decided purely based on what’s happened before. The world is seeing modern rightwing populism enter a golden age of popularity and electoral viability, and our own Winston Peters has taken notice. Winston has always been a shrewd navigator of the political realm, and it seems that he sees an opportunity in the current political climate of the world for NZF to win it big. And Winston is not going to waste that chance. He’s had a slew of new additions to his team announced as of recent, a smorgasbord of formerly retired politicians and other interesting personalities that he must believe are the key to securing his party’s biggest win yet. Former Labour, National, and even New Conservative members have joined the ranks of NZF and are now in the running to represent key areas across the country, including South Auckland.

Speaking of New Conservative, NZF’s new candidate for the South Auckland suburb of Takānini has been named as Elliot Ikilei, former leader of the New Conservative party, former member of Hobson’s Pledge (the lobby group who helped lead the charge against co-governance in the Ardern era), and a person of Niuean, Tongan, Māori, and English descent. Ikilei has made it clear he intends to appeal to the Pacific community of South Auckland through his Christian faith. When speaking to William Terite on Pacific Mornings, he stated his alliance with NZF made sense as a “a Pasifika person and as a Christian person,” and argued that Labour and others held anti-Christian values and, by virtue of that, anti-Pacific values.

Esther Tofilau-Tevaga is NZF’s new candidate for the Manurewa electorate. A Sāmoan entrepreneur, she aims to use her experiences working on the ground with Pacific communities to reach voters and bring Winston Peters’s favourite thing back to the forefront of decision making in Manurewa—common sense.

Vicky Hau is now contesting Māngere on behalf of NZF. A Tongan business woman raised in a religiousconservative environment, she sees Pacific people as the potential kingmakers of this next election, and intends to take full advantage of this by winning Māngere for NZF.

Former National MP Alfred Ngaro has also announced his new membership with NZF. A proud Christian Zionist of Cook Island and Jewish descent, his platform in the present day shows those cultural and ideological roots plainly. He argues for the preservation of a New Zealand built on Judeo-Christian values and the classic NZF belief in a socially conservative society.

These fresh faces have been announced off the back of a coalition government (including NZF) that has consistently failed to deliver for Pacific peoples. Their promises of economic relief alongside law and order have not come to fruition, and Pacific peoples have remained disproportionately affected in areas concerning violent crime and poverty. Winston has also spent his time as foreign minister cozying up to the Trump administration, the same administration who caused a fuel crisis through their war on Iran that ravaged our region. It can be hard to see what appeal NZF and the New Zealand right-wing actually would have to our Pacific communities. Perhaps that's why faith and social values have taken the front stage for some of these candidate’s platforms. “The idea of patriotism, having a love for the nation, nationalism, putting New Zealand first, and common sense, things like men and women and the idea of biological truth being actuality,” were the values Elliot Ikilei stated were aligned with both his and NZF, but it’s hard to imagine NZF’s obsession with what bathroom trans people use is going to put food in the stomachs of kids in South Auckland.

The war for South Auckland is just beginning. Maybe the status quo will be maintained. Maybe Winston’s soldiers will lose big-time and he’ll be forced to retreat to Rangitoto like he’s Chiang Kai-Shek. Maybe they’ll win big and change the landscape of Tāmaki Makaurau forever. Whatever happens, one thing is for sure; it’s gonna take more than faith to make the right change.

Your Mini-Guide to Welly Walks Using Public Transport

Wellington is full of tracks tucked into hills, bays, bush, and suburbs—but figuring out how and where to start can be a bit overwhelming, especially if you’re a student without a car. Public transport makes it easy and cheap to wander further than your usual loop, take a break from study, and explore what the region has to offer. Over the past few years these walks have become my favourites, and I hope they’ll become yours too.

Eastern Walkway, Miramar

Distance/time: 2.5 km / ~1 hour one way

Public transport: Take the number 2 bus to Seatoun, then walk to the trailhead on Pass of Branda, opposite Mantell Street. Difficulty: Moderate stairs, but short overall

Short, sweet, and local, this ridge track winds along the hillside toward the Atatürk Memorial, with epic views over the harbour mouth. You can return the same way or drop down to Tarakena Bay and wander back along Breaker Bay Road right beside the water. I love this one for spontaneous late-afternoon wanders; the Miramar glow and those sunsets make it feel wholesome without being a huge mission.

Grace Sayer

Paekākāriki Escarpment Track, Kāpiti Coast

Distance/time: 10 km / 2-3 hours one way

Public transport: Take the Kāpiti Line line from Wellington Station to Paekākāriki or Pukerua Bay—you can start at either end. At the finish, follow the signage to the train station. Difficulty: Challenging but fun; lots of stairs

Probably the most popular and instagrammable walk in the region, this track has cliffs, massive views, and a whole lot of stairs. You weave along narrow ledges, cross two swing bridges, and pass skinks and sheep. It’s steep, exposed, and occasionally a bit sketchy if heights aren’t your thing, but the reward is top-notch—the views are ridiculous and the whole track has an adrenaline element to it. I find it’s best first thing in the morning when there’s fewer people. Additionally I would highly recommend stopping off at one of the cafes in Paekākāriki for a pre or post walk treat!

Korokoro Stream Track, Lower Hutt

Distance/time: 8 km / ~3 hours return

Public transport: Take the Hutt Valley Line to Petone Station, cross the overbridge, turn left onto Pito-One Road, then continue to the trailhead at the end on Cornish Street. Difficulty: Very easy, just a bit muddy

This track is genuinely adorable—a skinny, winding path right beside the stream that leads you to a gorgeous old waterfall dam. It’s flat, shady, and dotted with quirky bridges, old infrastructure, and fungi tucked into the damp valley. Because it’s an in-and-out track, you get to enjoy the same cosy scenery twice, though the shade can make it a bit cold and muddy. She’s not spectacular or dramatic; she’s just a lovely little trail alongside a pretty stream that winds through the valley. I love this one when I’m not in a hill mood, as it’s down-to-earth, easy, and perfect for a warmer day when you want a gentle wander.

Southern Walkway, Wellington Central

Distance/time: 10.6 km / 4–5 hrs

Public transport: Lots of options: take the 14 or 24 to Oriental Parade (Stop 6519), or the number 1 to Island Bay, Reef Street, depending on which end you want to start from. Difficulty: Easy, long, but can be done it smaller sections

A long wander through the Town Belt, this track lets you explore wider suburbs outside the city centre while dipping in and out of forest pockets, open ridges, and neighbourhood edges. Some sections run close to roads or traffic, but you also get great views over the harbour and city as you move between green spaces. With so many access points, you can jump in or out whenever you feel like it, making it perfect for a choose-your-own-adventure vibe. It’s great because you can just wander based on what feels right—pop down into the city for snacks, follow whichever path looks interesting, and slowly piece together how Wellington fits together.

Butterfly Creek, Eastbourne

Distance/time: 7.4 km / ~2 hrs

Public transport: Take the 83 bus from the city to Eastbourne Bus Barn (Stop 9858), then walk about a minute to the trailhead. Fancy option: take the ferry to Days Bay, then connect by bus or walk along the waterfront. Difficulty: Moderate; short steep bits

A super-lovely ridge-and-valley walk, this track starts with a climb that opens to delectable harbour views before dropping into the cool, shaded Butterfly Creek valley. The stream is wholesome, the picnic area is adorable, and the Kōwhai Track on the way back gives you another round of views. It’s steep in places but never for long, and the whole thing feels like a tiny adventure tucked just over the hill. There’s even heaps of branches perfect for hut-building around the picnic area, giving it an unexpected charm. I always think of this one as a wholesome weekend wander—sunny, green, and just the right mix of ridge and valley to feel like a proper little adventure.

Whitireia Park / Te Onepoto Loop, Porirua

Distance/time: 4.6 km / ~1 hr 20 min

Public transport: Take the Kāpiti Line to Porirua, then the 220 bus to Titahi Bay. Get off at Stop 2862, then turn left through the carpark to the path.

Difficulty: Super easy!

Such a chill walk—sunny, breezy, and full of cute landscape changes: a bit of bush, a bit of wetland, a bit of pasture, rockpools, waves, and usually heaps of dogs. It’s short and sweet with an easy gradient, though there’s not much shade so a hat is essential. The coastline feels warm and calm, and the boats out on the water make the whole place feel summery. I adore this one mid-arvo or closer to sunset when the air is warm—it’s also a great conversational track, wide enough to walk with others and yap.

McKerrow Track, Remutaka Range-Bonus Overnighter

Distance/time: ~5–6 hrs one way

Public transport: Take the Hutt Valley Line to Waterloo, then the 170 bus toward Wainuiomata South to Stop 8921. Wander up Hine Road, join the Whakanui Track, turn right onto Mt McKerrow Track, and continue to Catchpool. Huts are available along the river.

Difficulty: Hard; muddy, remote, undefined in places

A cheeky overnighter for the more adventurous, this track is steep, muddy, and sometimes unclear, weaving through forest with heaps of fungi, moss, and a small river crossing. The valley can get quite cold, and after rain the river can swell quickly, so sturdy shoes, warm clothes, waterproofs, and a solid plan are essential. There are numerous DOC huts along the river (booked as whole-hut bookings), or Paua Hut through WTMC if you just want to pay per person, but always check river levels and weather before heading out. When conditions line up, though, it’s a fun mish and one of the most satisfying overnighters.

So let this be your sign to go wander somewhere— out the door and into the hills, the bays, the bush, the bits of Welly you haven’t met yet. Pick a track, grab your Snapper, and go see what’s out there. Happy exploring!

Kia ora, everybody! I hope we’re all settling back into 9 a.m. lectures and scurrying over to the Salient stands to see what new mysteries the horoscope will reveal this week. I’m sure we’ve all missed it. I’m back again with more bullshit, so read ahead to see what poor thing evolution has cooked up and set loose for me to take the piss out of.

Coming up with a name for this article actually gave me a bit of a challenge, thanks to this animal’s entirely indecisive name. The babirusa, as it is formally known, gets its name from a combination of the Indonesian/ Malay words for pig (babi) and deer (rusa). This is because it is a silly old creature that couldn't seem to make up its mind on what it wanted to be, and instead settled on some strange and ineffective in-between. Much like my choice of degree.

However, after a quick nerd adventure through the internet, I found that the babirusa belongs to the family Suidae, which includes all kinds of pigs. With

the exception of yo mama, though, haha burn. (Dear Salient editor, I do not condone bullying. Please don’t banish me.)

The babirusa is found on Sulawesi and several smaller Indonesian island groups, including the Togian, Sula and Buru islands. This distribution is interesting, as they seem to have skipped over all some fairly significant bits of land in between, particularly the significant island cluster between Sulawesi and Sula. One of the leading hypotheses on this phenomenon is that they were spread artificially by humans as gifts to royalty and important leaders. I don’t know why anybody would want one of these things, but perhaps this was the ancient equivalent of your drunk flatmate dragging a roadcone back home from Courtenay Place for you to puzzle over in the morning.

Another explanation for their restricted distribution could be attributed to the babirusa’s unique snout physiology. Unlike most pigs, babirusas lack the rostral

Pedro Hay

bone that helps other pigs root through the ground for food. These guys are therefore a bit less equipped for classic pig behavior and are especially associated with forests where they can access rivers, swamps, wallows, and salt licks. This would be pretty sad if it wasn’t only the second most unfortunate part of being a babirusa.

As the pattern in nature follows, animals left to develop on small, isolated islands tend to think they can just do whatever the hell they want, since nobody else is around to stop them. They then evolve all sorts of strange adaptations that make everyone else concerned. For the babirusa, the adaptation of choice is a set of awesome tusks that painfully grow through their snout and curve back towards the face. This fun little gimmick is only present on the males, thanks to testosterone making the dudes all macho and pushy, while the women were simply too smart to bother with this kind of nasty nose nonsense.

Babirusa males have two sets of tusks, because they were just too flamboyant to settle for one pair like every other type of pig did. I don't know what they’re trying to get at by showing off so much. Honestly, their greed sickens me. The bottom pair of tusks sprouts from the lower jaw and juts out from the sides of their mouth. Sensible, appropriate tusks.

The top pair of tusks, meanwhile, are fucked up. They are actually upper canine teeth that grow upwards, pierce through the skin of the snout, and curve back towards the forehead like some kind of demented, selfsabotaging unicorn. The babirusa can proudly claim the top spot for most painful puberty. Lucky them. As stupid as this is, it is only the first half of the male babirusa's hellish nose job. Don't feel bad yet, because it gets worse.

These tusks grow in a sharp backwards curve, can reach up to a foot long, and do not stop growing throughout the babirusa’s life. This means that eventually these tusks can curve around and begin practically holding the poor bastards at knifepoint. In rare cases, babirusas have been found with tusks that grow so long they end up looping around and gouging into their foreheads. As much as I sometimes wish my teeth would shoot into my face and put me out of the misery of doing my readings, I wouldn't wish this combined toothacheheadache on anyone.

Thankfully, this does not happen often. Evolution is not too kind on things that stab their own brains. These face stabbers are quite brittle, and often break down from wear and tear as males battle each other over territory and mating rights.

This brings me to the most confusing and frustrating part of my journey into the babirusa’s already confusing and frustrating life. After watching several documentaries, poring over webpages, and even reading scientific journals from scientists that have decided that island pigs are their research of choice, I came to an interesting finding: these tusks might not even be that important.

Do you know what kind of whiplash that gave me? I've spent this whole time building up to these crazy tusks, just to find out that researchers are still not completely sure why they have to be acting so extra.

The tusks appear to be linked to male competition and mate selection, because even in the animal kingdom, guys would rather bang their heads against each other than sit down and talk about their feelings. The short lower tusks are better suited for attacking, functioning as little knives which the babirusa can sharpen through use and the active habit of rubbing them on trees. The flamboyant upper tusks are used for defense and hooking the other males face to try and drive them into the ground, which is the best explanation for why they curve so ridiculously. Uniquely, babirusas found on the Buru island of Indonesia appear to have lost this hooking function, and instead just use them as battering rams because apparently the little daggers sprouting out of their lower jaw just weren’t enough.

Some researchers believe that, during combat, males may try to snap off the upper tusks of their opponents, making them appear less attractive to females. I can get behind this explanation, because I imagine this was a rumour started by the females to get the males to save each other from a slow, self-inflicted lobotomy.

Contiues on next page.

Adult Babirusa skull

Babirusa/human scale comparison

Case closed, right? The tusks curve back and threaten to stab the poor thing in the face, but surely it's all worth it if it guarantees glorious victory and a beautiful pig wife?

Wrong! Most of the time, babirusas fight by standing up on their back legs and boxing each other. I use the term “boxing” loosely, as all the videos of these fights that I've seen look more like awkward attempts at ballroom dancing than anything remotely vicious. The tusks are doing so much just to be a secondary, back-up option. I'm sitting here with my teeth gritted, furious at this pig because it's so stupid I can’t believe it.

Oh, and if this wasn’t enough? They are also known to occasionally beef with local monkey populations, which I think is a little immature on the monkeys part as they are surely smart enough to realise the babirusa’s already got enough going on. However, monkeys are not the only primates these freakish creatures interact with. Indonesian culture reflects a long-standing relationship with the babirusa in ways you might not expect, with the animal’s fearsome appearance inspiring demonic masks and characters throughout history. Multiple historical sites across Indonesia, including the ancient Balinese Court of Justice pavilion, feature paintings of demonic babirusa’s.

Outside of Indonesia, the babirusa has made waves— okay, maybe more like ripples—in Jewish religious communities over debates about whether it could be considered kosher or not. The Torah states that, for an animal's meat to be kosher, the animal must chew cud—that gross thing sheep and cows do where they throw up in their mouth then chew it again—and have cloven (split) hooves. The babirusa has split hooves and a weird digestive system that has, at times, been compared to that of cud-chewing animals. Unlike other

pigs, this has led some people to wonder whether the barbirusa might be a magical loophole which would allow Jewish people to eat bacon.

This started a misconception that still pops up in some Jewish religious debates today. However, the babirusa’s weird stomach does not actually mean it chews cud. Evidence shows that the babirusa breaks down plant fiber through microbial fermentation, but it does not regurgitate and chew it again like a true ruminant. Yes, even its organs are weird, but at the end of the day, the babirusa is indeed a pig. This means no kosher bacon and, I assume, at least a few sad rabbis.

As is sadly a recurring theme with many interesting animals, babirusa populations face the threat of extinction because of habitat loss and illegal hunting. Indonesia’s geography as a collection of islands means that space is hard to come by, promoting expansion into the babirusas habitat. This is especially harmful given that it has adapted to specific island conditions, and in some places, a lack of major natural predators. Furthermore, the babirusa’s freakish tusks make it a target for poachers and hunters hoping to score a quick buck alongside some extra meat to sell at the market.

As New Zealanders, there's not a lot for all the babirusa mega fan-club to do directly, but the World Wildlife Fund and Save our Species International Union for Conservation of Nature both support helpful conservation work, including projects that have previously focused on the babirusa and the habitats they rely on. So go check them out.

The babirusa is an incredibly unique and fascinating animal, riding the edge between different species as it’s grown and adapted in isolation from the rest of the world. More than just that, it is inspiring, thought provoking, perhaps even life-changing. The babirusa's insane death tusks are stupid, as is now obvious, but to me, they also speak to letting down our walls to the world.

Life is scary, but raising your defenses too high can sometimes come back around to hurt you. Don’t be like the babirusa. Don’t let your defenses come back around to stab you in the face. It is only by charging headfirst into the world—please don't charge headfirst into your bro like these things do—that our guard comes down and our life can open up to new, exciting, non-lobotomising experiences.

Raise awareness. Talk to your mates. Fly the flag of environmental justice on the babirusa's behalf. But please, don’t live your life the way a freakish island kind-of sort-of half pig does.

Ode to a Rainy

Milla Brown

The greying street held a plethora of people. All hurrying, all with places to be, all ignoring what was before them. With heads bent and umbrellas hovering above them, they moved with a careless abandon. Splashing water in their wake as they waded through the fast forming puddles.

The water was a disease. A contamination. Something not to be touched or endured for longer than necessary. It told them to run and do it quickly. It told them to get out of the horrid dampness before it was too late.

The street-goers didn’t stop to notice the small girl camouflaged in their wake. Whether they didn’t see her, or they didn’t care, they hurried past her solitary form. Not bothering a glance, or a shelter, or a word of advice. They would not be contaminated by the dampness in an attempt to save the stranded child.

And so she stood.

Her head was bent towards the ground with insufficient layers plastered to her small frame. Passers-by splashed watery contaminants as they hurried past her, drenching the girl with their inconsideration.

She didn’t look up.

The water caressed her face as she stood. It whispered to her the secrets of its ways as it cascaded down her back. It acknowledged her solitude in a way none of the passers-by ever could.

It played her a symphony of eternal movement. A story of its influence and the hurried panic it caused. On the ground at her feet, it showed her the complex patterns and whorls of time. Its ebb and flow mimicked time’s passage and transfixed her to the spot. She was a mesmerised victim, lulled into passive thought and quieted from movement.

And so she stood.

And so they moved around her.

And so she remained.

And so they did not.

Perhaps, they were too clouded by the mundane to see what she did. Or, perhaps they lacked the childish naivety to see the joy in the ordinary. To listen to the symphony of sound that surrounded the bustling street, and the crescendo the chaos of the water induced. But the song played for her, and her alone. It told its story to the one who would listen and condemned those that would not.

Rainy Street

So there they left her, hurrying along to cleanse themselves of the sinful water. They did not want to hear its stories or listen to its songs. They did not want to endure its presence or feel its touch. They jostled her as they walked, ignoring the immovable statue of the girl; casting their gaze skyward to avoid the accountability of her fate.

The light dimmed as she stood. The water embedded into her clothes and hair and skin. Her damp eyelashes glistened in the reflected light of the surrounding street.

She lifted her head.

She cast her gaze to the street-goers surrounding her. She knew things now; things that they did not. She had watched them; observed their harried manner and felt the neglect of their presence. The water, the thing they were so determined not to touch for longer than necessary, had departed secrets to her. Secrets of the way of the world. It had shown her the flow of the beings that surrounded her and how it had entrapped them in a tight fist, a fist that they did not see but which lingered in the back of their minds.

And so she took a step.

Water sprayed in the wake of her footsteps, reaching its grasp towards the harried, and the busy, and the inconsiderate. A man stared down at her, anger etched into the lines of his face as the water seeped into his shoes and probed the fabric beneath.

He blinked. He stared down at the girl, then shifted his gaze to the water flowing beneath his feet. He removed the umbrella held resolutely above his head and lowered it to the small girl standing before him. She took it with a coy smile, skipping through the water with an adolescent bliss as she twirled the umbrella around and in front of her, above and below her; splashing and giggling as she went. And so he stood.

Water caressed his face and plastered his thinning hair to his head. It soaked his clothes closer to his broad frame and trickled down his back as he gazed, mesmerised, at its rhythmic movement. It chastised him for his neglect and praised him for his willingness to break the spell of the ordinary that surrounded him. It sung in his ears as it trickled down the sides of hands with a tantalising touch. And so he stood.

And so she skipped. And so he remained. And so she did not.

Good news stories (and more) for the planet

Kia ora, Salient reader! Welcome to our fortnightly column on the environment, sustainable living, and the small, stubborn act of hope amongst a world on fire! Check in every second week for waste-free recipes, genuinely good news, and practical ways to lend a hand—nudging a happier, healthier earth a little closer into view.

Renewable energy, the poster child of a clean green world. We can dream right? But what if we didn't have to. A recent report by global electricity think tank, Ember, sheds light on a more hopeful landscape than you may expect. Here are some highlights from 2025:

• 33.8 percent of the world's power generation came from renewables

• 75 percent of global electricity demand growth was met by solar

More recently, in April 2026, for the first time in history, more electricity was produced globally by wind and solar than by gas.

And these are statistics that take into account gas guzzling super nations such as the good ol’ US of A. If we narrow our search closer and peer just over the ditch to Australia we can witness perhaps the most incredible transformation of all. Since 2010, the Australian government has been slowly injecting money into household solar. As of 2026, 4 million (one in three) Australian homes had rooftop solar panels and the cost of electricity has been going steadily down. Multiple reports claim that many Australians are now getting up to three hours of free power every day, just to use up the excess energy that is flooding the grid.

The search to find comfortable, healthy, easy-to-use, and affordable sanitary products is outrageously difficult. Doing your period waste-free is another step altogether! Luckily, we have discovered that there are subsidised period products available at a very reasonable price right here at the university. VUWSA sells menstrual cups, as well as period underwear, both available in different sizes. These alternatives can be a great sustainable switch to think about making. One menstrual cup can last up to ten years, helping your wallet and showing love to your body, and our earth.

Feeling slightly daunted by the prospect of using the menstrual cup? Never fear! The cup comes with a pamphlet of very informative instructions, and you will find plenty of helpful videos on YouTube with tips on how to use the cup and look after it. Ask the other wonderful wāhine in your life who might use them for advice as well! The best thing to do is to take your time with learning how to feel comfortable using the cup—trust me it will feel easier each time you do it. You will eventually reach a point where you’ll say, “THESE THINGS ARE FANTASTIC! I should have been using this for years!”

For more information about the costsaving, planet-protecting properties of solar power right here in our homes, check out Rewiring Aotearoa online. Or, better still, come along to Kelburn Normal School at 7:15p.m. on Thursday 23 of July for our stop in the national “kill bill” tour.

True, we do still have an incredibly long journey ahead of us to reach a complete energy switchover. But hey, sometimes it's worth looking back to see just how far we’ve come already!

The main thing is to always do what feels right for your own body and flow; we are all designed delightfully differently. Some may find that period underwear or reusable pads feel like a safer and more comfortable option; you could also try using a menstrual disc as an alternative to the cup, as it has a different shape. Let yourself try out the variety of reusable, waste-free options and see what works best for you! Just go visit the office on the top floor of the VUWSA building on Kelburn Campus to snag yourself some new period products that will revolutionise the way you do your period.

I’m cheating a little bit with this one, but look—I’ve played these games as far back as my earliest memories, they feel like two halves of a whole, and their recent ports bundle them together on the same cartridge. I feel justified in this.

You’re never too old for Mario, no matter what anyone says, something the Super Mario Galaxy duology perfectly exemplifies. Across 91 different galaxies and hundreds of missions, you’ll run, jump, fight, and fly through space with Mario and Luigi on a cosmic adventure genuinely more epic than many of the triple A “action-adventure” games that come out these days, if you ask me. The main plot? Sure it’s nothing special, still rescuing Princess Peach, but there are many fantastic stories to uncover along the way which more than make up for it.

If you’re used to more modern 3D platformers like Super Mario Odyssey or Astro Bot, these two will, on the surface, feel much more linear. There's a clear point A to point B level structure that will see you travelling from planet to planet to complete missions and collect Power Stars. For more goaloriented players, this is ideal, but the explorative and imaginative types aren’t left wanting either in my opinion. Running all around spherical planets, flipping gravity and running upside down, swimming through isolated water bubbles just… hovering there in space, the developers leverage their interstellar setting and years of tight platforming expertise to create extremely memorable setpieces and worlds to ponder over. I wouldn’t call these games challenging, but my curiosity, not to mention confidence, still results in me finding new ways to accidentally die all these years later— something of a reward in itself.

Despite this linear appearance, I’d argue the Galaxy duology are still the most memorable adventures Mario has ever produced. Your Goombas, Koopas, and other recognisable faces are accounted for, but this is space, there are no rules. Planetoids simultaneously on fire and frozen over, kingdoms of bees and ancient technologies, beautiful gardens untouched by civilisation; every galaxy is full of character, and seemingly inconsequential design flourishes keep me fascinated and asking questions endlessly. All the flair every location has is backed up by one of the most gorgeous soundtracks ever put to public, pulling life from even the most empty corners of space. Everything comes together to create an adventure that feels both epic and deeply personal.

Each game features 120 Power Stars in the main story, but you only need 60 in Galaxy and 70 in Galaxy 2 to beat each respective title. Running around in the hub-world and meeting all the new characters is fun enough, and I wouldn’t blame you if you’re just here to soak in the universe and never even roll credits! If you’re up for it though, collecting every star in each game yields their own rewards, with Galaxy 2 in particular featuring probably my favourite postgame in any non-RPG.

Regardless of what kind of player you are, there’s something here for you in Super Mario Galaxy, so if you’re looking to scratch that platforming itch, or just enjoyed the movie, give this a shot!

Super Mario Galaxy and Super Mario Galaxy 2 are available on Wii. They are also available via the enhanced ports on Nintendo Switch, including Switch 2, either separately or together.

This week's game: Super Mario Galaxy 1+2

10/10 Writing: 8/10 Aesthetic: 10/10

Christopher Curtis

hey hunk unc,

How do you get people to stop committing floorcrest??? relationsHips are getting messy

This Unc is sad. Football is coming to a close, and by the time you read this, the FIFA Club World Cup will be over, the All Blacks will have absolutely annihilated Italy, and the Blues will have beaten the Maroons.

Do you know what all these situations have in common? They’re full of people with drive, ambition, and the desire to do well—to change their lives and win a Cup, Trophy, or Shield for their country. Well, except for Italy. That was just a test match.

These characteristics are the absolute opposite of those displayed by people committing floorcest.

Floorcest is committed by people who are lazy—they don’t want to look beyond what’s directly in front of them—and who lack forethought. Now, listen: I can hear you first-years yelling at me. But they’re so hot and perfect, and I’ve never met anyone like them before. We’re different.

And sure, maybe a couple of you are.

But in my first year, an old mate of mine was sleeping with five girls on the same floor. Things got very messy when

To the reader who reached out: the best thing you can do is ignore it all. Don’t get in the way of a group of 18-yearolds having sex without worrying that their parents will come home early—for many of them, it’s the first time they’ve had that freedom.

Keep your nose out of it and your eyes on people’s faces, not the hickeys on their necks. If your best friend comes to you upset because their lover has other lovers on the same floor, just be a shoulder to cry on. You can tell them I told you so a couple of weeks later.

Trust me: in almost any situation involving someone else’s love life, the best thing you can do is keep your head out of it. People who are in love—or grinding those love hips—don’t want to be told they’re doing something wrong. Nine times out of ten, they’ll ignore any advice you give them anyway.

Unless a relationship is abusive, stay out of it. Focus on your friendships, not what happens behind other people’s closed doors.

To submit a question, scan the QR code to the right. Hunk Unc might just get back to you... HUNK UNC! WE NEED YOUR HELP!

A FEED FOR F*CK

ALL

guy van egmond

Many of you will read today’s title and, being in your seventh month or umpteenth year of living in Wellington, ask, ‘he’s only just now discovered Aunty Mena’s?’ And to that I say a quiet ‘yeah…’

It’s been one of those places that I’ve heard a lot of other people’s good opinions about and I never got around to visiting to make my own. But there’s no time like the present, so, for all the ‘at some point’ people and those new to Wellington this trimester, welcome to Aunty Mena’s

Sat in the heart of Cuba Street, just along from popular haunts San Fran, Slowboat Records and Glover Park, you’re sure to have passed by this institution at least once. It’s unassuming from the outside, fading back behind the butter-yellow facade of Satay Palace on the left and the new highlighter tones of MISU on the right. But step inside and you’ll feel that this is somewhere with a community. It’s busy and a little haphazard; there’s a constant flow of people coming and going and taking away, all while plates of rice and curries thread their way to tables in-between. If the hundreds of five-star Google reviews don’t sell you, just glance at the back wall, which is covered in thank you letters, children’s drawings of baby Godzilla and the Mona Lisa, and a testimonial of Aunty Mena’s having cured someone’s depression.

Unfortunately for us, most of the miracle menu sits on the cusp of $20. The Roti Chanai or the (Mock) Chicken Laksa—two of their best offers, I’ve been told—will each cost you $18, which is higher than I’m aiming to pay. So it’s back to the soup menu for me. However, I must say I’m impressed by what they could do with just Mixed Vegetable soup. The broth was so much more than just vegetable stock, and the perfect temperature to sip and feel the warmth spread out from your chest. The bright vegetables made this a really appealing bowl, they were softened just enough without going limp or stewy. The bok choy and the broccoli especially were delicious and surprisingly fun to eat, releasing bursts of salty broth with every bite. The Mixed Vege soup was the next-to-cheapest option, at $15 for a large bowl. There wasn’t nearly enough

Aunty Mena’s

What: Vegetarian/Vegan Malaysian Price: $13.50 - $20.00+

When: 12:00 - 9:00pm, Mon - Sat

Homely and healthy, but keeping it budget is a struggle.

heft to it, however, to recommend it as a value option, and adding a side of rice or noodles tips you over the general price of a main course.

I know that Aunty Mena’s is a staunch favourite for many people though, and I’m a big fan of how they’ve popularised and streamlined vegetarian cuisine. So I returned a few days later, hoping I could put together a more substantial meal by puzzling together some entrees and side dishes. To cut a long story short, I could not. While an entree with a side of rice puts you at a more-reasonable $16.50, these smaller dishes consist entirely of deep-fried food. Sure, they come with a little dipping bowl of sweet chilli tomato sauce, but that tablespoon-measurement of flavour and liquid has to do a hell of a lot of the heavy lifting. The Vege Balls were recommended and actually not bad value, with nine on a plate and being reasonably filling; if you want to chew your way through nine unsweetened cake-pops. Curiosity prompted me to also order the Deep Fried Drumsticks from the vegetarian restaurant, which was an interesting textural riddle. Wrapped in layers around a popsicle stick was some sort of stretched tofu, almost akin to an omelette and very akin to a vinyl glove. There wasn’t any flavour to redeem it either, once the tomato sauce ran out I was left taking bites of rubbery cooking oil. I’d recommend sticking to the vegetables here.

munch rating: (2 stars)

I’ve given Aunty Mena’s quite a lot of shit here, and I want to note that my review is an unfair one. The goal of Munch a low-budget, and in this case it meant that I ignored two pages worth of main dishes. Like the Very Broke Caterpillar, I ate my way around the fringes of the menu, which was not a fair assessment of the kitchen here. Whether at 5:00pm or at 9:00pm, the place was bustling with families, friend groups, couples, and singles. It’s a warm and communal space, with a very fast turnover of dishes, which is perfect for a quick bite or a group dinner out. So, while my rating here today isn’t stellar, Aunty Mena’s certainly isn’t a write off.

Am I talking shit or shit-talking your favourite restaurant? Or have I overlooked a place that readers really need to know about? Send me something to chew on at: guy@salient.org.nz

Who’s Afraid of Ethical Non-Monogamy?

The Invite is one of this year’s best (and funniest) films

Mild spoilers ahead.

Nobody in this damned country remembers Edward Albee’s Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf?, one of the last century’s nastiest and most nastily brilliant playscripts. An eviscerating document of a marriage falling apart at one epic dinner party in which nobody is allowed to leave (much less consume food), it's the closest literary antecedent to the latest Olivia Wilde film The Invite. What I didn’t quite expect from The Invite, then, was its gift for light comedy, which may have to do with the film it's based on, the Spanishlanguage Sentimental from 2020. Set over the course of one evening, it follows Joe and Angela, a bickering couple, as they prepare to host their loud upstairs neighbours, Hawk and Pina, in their apartment. Joe’s been blindsided by the invite, which was Angela’s last-minute doing, and plans to confront the neighbours about the loud (and very good!) sex they’ve been having, which they seem to be rubbing in Joe and Angela’s faces. But as the evening goes on, the two receive an invite of their own in return: to group sex with Hawk and Pina. As far as plotting goes, that’s about it. And so the heavy lifting here comes from the screenplay, which is very tidy, by Rashida Jones and Will McCormack, filling out the runtime quite effortlessly with chatty conversation, lovingly blocked and rehearsed by its actor-director, Wilde. The direct antecedents are Who’s Afraid and Sentimental—yet I also get echoes of Mart Crowley’s The Boys in the Band, the best work of Woody Allen, and footage of car crashes. If it feels stagey (and it sure does), that’s largely the point: here’s a couple with deep problems trying to put on a show.

With a script and a scenario like this one, the acting has got to be good—and it is. There’s a special kind of double thrill here (because the cast is made up of celebrity actors) of seeing these big-name stars turn out a delicious performance, a reminder of the skills that made them their names in the first place. It's impossible not to love Penelope Cruz’s Pina, who she takes naive and bushy-tailed at first, with her accent and her youth and her beauty, almost a little trophy-wifeish... and then she steals the conversation. Similarly, Edward Norton keeps Hawk real enough that he’s not just

a foil to the other characters, and he’s got a tough monologue in the second act that he does just well enough that you might not realise the script is struggling. But who for many has been the highlight—Seth Rogen’s Joe—I found occasionally a little overwrought. He’s certainly not playing for the back row here, but how many lines can you deliver in the bland uptalk of marital resentment, the raising of the voice and covering of the vowel...? A lot, it seems! He also really goes for the physical comedy with a twerk in one of the seduction scenes, which seems to miss the point (and the laugh: it was greeted with silence in my screening). Of course, it’s Wilde’s knockout performance as blown-out Angela (you almost think she’s on uppers until you see her take a xanax), anxious for things to be normal, which is so absorbing it’s worth the price of the ticket alone. (She also has the film’s best gag, when she receives her first lesbian kiss with prayer hands, a “namaste” of thanks, and those insanely alert eyes.)

Wilde first came to attention as an actress on the long-running medical drama House, but my generation (apart from you House freaks) will know her for her 2019 directorial debut Booksmart. I remember adoring Booksmart for its skinniness and its gently fantastical pulse, though a quick glance through the old Letterboxd snipes from the time see a number of people emphasising the film’s lack of “class consciousness” as though class consciousness could be measured with a yard stick. What was wrong with us in the late 10s? This need for a film to be everything and do everything, all under the smarmy

Jackson McCarthy is Salient's Critic-at-Large. His first book of poetry, Portrait, is out now with Auckland University Press.

want to get in touch, tip me off, or rage at me electronically?

jackson@salient.org.nz

well-meaning liberal pronouncement of “intersectionality”... it’s so dangerous and so aesthetically poisonous. Everything is political, yes, but that’s a fact about the political, not the everything—and it’s certainly not to say that artwork ought to hold up slogans, stances, or “takes” on questions that may fly outside its orbit. What I’m trying to say is that it seems clear to me Wilde is a director who has chosen her subjects and has proven that she can work very fluently with them. The Invite will not awaken you to revolution—in fact, aside from some talk of inheritance and a few comparative comments about apartment size between the couples, it barely speaks on the subjects of money or class. And why should it? Wilde’s subject here precisely is the comfortable, and she tracks keenly the hidden tensions and resentments that comfort can sweep under the rug only temporarily. The Invite takes place in a locked room after all: it necessarily occludes the rest of the world. And yet one of the beautiful paradoxes about domestic life is that it seems to instantiate the world out there, replacing social ideas with actual people. The Invite is in some ways a collection of miniatures of a whole range of issues: marriage, heterosexuality after patriarchy, sexual monogamy, anxiety, and so on. Wilde’s direction has it all close-cropped, and its edit brings the collisions of its script together in a flurry of technique that is so achieved it’s virtually unnoticeable. I dare you, film majors, to try and cut a scene as well as these filmmakers before you two-star this middle-class sex comedy for not being woke enough on Letterboxd.

Oh Yes, Oh No is where sex stories go to be judged. Was it hot? Was it a disaster? You decide. All stories are submitted by readers, published anonymously, and guaranteed to make you say 'oh yes' or 'oh no'. Scan the QR code to submit your own and see if it makes the cut.

So when I was 14, I realised I was bisexual and was very open about this fact, I however was not so open about the fact I had a big bi crush on my best friend who was in fact straight. Anyway like anybody with a secret crush I learnt her first language, Portuguese, fluently so she could be understood in her mother tounge, as you casually do. And as any straight girl would she kissed me. More than once. For experimenting then would say after each time, "hmm I don't think I could ever like girls". Until one

I think and she looked at me and said "Coloque uma escova de dentes em mim" (put a toothbrush in me) and I said "o que" (what) and then well you can guess what happened. She liked it , that's all I'll say, we've stayed friends since, she now lives in Barcelona and 4 years later (2 months ago) I get a call . She starts with I'm Bi, I say "Sério? Jamais imaginaria!" (Really ? Couldn't have guessed) could you ?

SALIENT

ADVISORY

I was eating out my (then) girlfriend in the dark and it was really wet until I felt something go in jelly-like my mouth. Turns out she was on her period and it was a "blood slug" pt1

I managed to "get her back" some time later when we were getting freaky and I realised that she was bleeding on me again, so I didn't stop her when she tried to go down on me and I flicked the lights on mid-blowie so she realised she was licking her own blood. Yes, I'm aware it was evil, but she liked to be humiliated pt2

submitted by anonmous

One time I was over at a guys house who I have been only seeing for about couple of weeks, and he ate me out to a holocaust documentary. Keep in mind that I was on the verge of tears watching this video, and while he was eating me out for what seemed like an eternity I could just hear in the back ground all the awful things these children had to go through. I’m really concerned that, that is what gets him in the mood.

I was hooking up with this girl, she was on top, classic 69. I wanted to see how many fingers I could use on her- have you ever seen a video of a vet assisting the birth of a cow? Yeah, it felt like my whole arm was in her. I can never see vets the same way now, I was just missing the apron and gloves. Just give me a veterinarian degree at that point.

submitted by anonmous

submitted by anonmous

submitted by anonmous

BONUS PUZZLE PAGE!!!!

snack bites

ACROSS

1 Mascara target; tie tightly (4)

3 Sop up (6)

8 Someone on TV who is mostly brought on to give interviews (7,3)

9 Traditional cowboy hat (although the bowler hat was actually more popular) (7)

10 Taxi (3)

11 Place for biological study, maybe (3)

12 Wine to go with census-taker liver and fava beans, for Hannibal Lecter (7)

13 Someone on TV who was mostly brought on to attack Norman Reedus (7)

14 With 15-Across, future big-name (6,4)

15 See 14-Across

DOWN

1 Pink aquatic blossom; Radiohead song from 'The King of Limbs' (5,6)

2 Christmas carol with the line 'Dingaling, hear 'em ring' (6,5)

4 Starting points (10)

5 Competition where the winner isn't yet decided, or which you can still enter (4,7)

6 Arnold Schwarzenegger, before his film career (11)

7 Process of cutting up, in an 11-Across (10)

“Snack Bites” Crossword Author is Puck

Congratulations. You have earned another bonus puzzle page, keep up the good work! Will there be another one next week? That is dependent on YOU! Go to your lectures, we are watching closely...

Sport

1. Fifa team that defeated Switzerland 3-1 in the 2026 quarter finals?

2. Name of fighter that won recently against Conor Mcgregor?

3. Final score of Allblacks vs France at Christchurch Stadium?

Literature

1. Self published novel acquired by Hatchett, then dropped due to AI allegations?

2. I Hate Myselfie, is an essay collection authored by which Youtuber?

3. Name of 1951 American coming-of-age novel originally published in serial form.

Global

1. Name of Love Island USA 2026 winners?

2. Name of country with a death toll of 50+ due to monsoon weather last week?

3. Name of smallest country in Africa by name and population?

on top of the world

ACROSS

1 German word heard after a sneeze (10)

6 Brainstorming result (4)

10 Painter famous for his garden of water lilies in Giverny, France (5)

11 Echoes; makes an impact psychologically (9)

12 Michigan city where you can visit the Motown Museum (7)

13 Unit for a bingewatcher (7)

14 Suffering from acrophobia (6,2,7)

17 Cancels out (7)

20 Tells a story; empathises (7)

22 Italian explorer who traveled the Silk Road in the 1200s; swimming pool game (5,4)

23 Only US state with a one-syllable name (5)

24 Scottish loch with a famous monster (4)

25 Temperature scale where water boils at 212 degrees (10)

“On Top of the World” Crossword Author is Puck

DOWN

1 Streamed on Twitch, probably (5)

2 'Come Fly with Me' singer Frank (7)

3 As well as (3,2,7)

4 He says "Goodnight, sweet prince" to Hamlet in Act V (7)

5 Problem; printing of Salient (5)

7 Purple blob Pokemon that can transform into any creature (5)

8 What you're writing in this grid (7)

9 'The ___________'

(H. G. Wells novel or its 2020 film adaptation) (10,3)

14 Word that can follow 'Mr.' or 'Enter' in the titles of hit songs (7)

15 Port; actor David of 'Stranger Things' (7)

16 Drake hit, '_____ Bling' (7)

18 Microbes (5)

19 Italian restaurant on Cuba Street known for its hot chocolates (5)

21 Perspire (5)

Send us your photos from around campus. It can be a cool bird, a broken vending machine, or anything else you think belongs in the magazine. DM your photo to @Salientgram on Instagram along with a caption. The best images will be chosen each week to be featured, and the winner gets a Hunter Lounge Bacon Butty. “I am VUWSA now” Photographer: Jason Submitted by: @thisisnotafakename “Thats not supposed to do that one” SparkleToothPhotographer:

“A man surveying his kingdom” Submitted by: @murkymurph

silver screen

ACROSS

1 Someone who tells of impending danger (6)

4 Male siblings, informally (4)

6 Droop; acronym of Hollywood union that striked in 2023 (3)

10 More important than anything else (9)

11 "I dunno" (5, 2)

14 Parched (7)

17 Skin of a reptile or fish; like Rotten Tomatoes' "The Tomatometer" (5)

18 Court summons (8)

22 Washington's District (8)

26 Thespian; movie star (5)

27 King of fiction? (7)

29 "A clean burning fuel"

- Hank Hill (7)

32 Existing or occurring everywhere (9)

33 Charge; penalty (3)

34 With 35A, type of company that produces or distributes movies; a hint to the shaded clues (4, 6)

35 See 34A

“Silver Screen” Crossword Author is Nil Originally published in Salient, 2024

DOWN

2 Company behind Premiere Pro (5)

3 Bite playfully (3, 2)

5 Perch (5)

7 Jennifer of Friends (7)

8 Term of endearment; 1995 movie about a pig (4)

9 Sound system; opposite of mono (6)

11 Simple & non-acidic? (5)

12 Be of use (5)

13 Water vapour (5)

15 Centre of activity (3)

16 Academy Award (5)

19 "Grand" instrument; Jane Campion movie, with 'The' (5)

20 An uncredited 26A (5)

21 Concur (5)

23 Scene left on the cutting room floor (7)

24 Disconnect (like a power cable) (6)

25 Spelling contest (3)

28 New; what many a screenplay is adapted from (5)

29 Role (4)

30 Ngerulmud's Republic; Micronesian island nation (5)

31 Prefix for many iwi (5)

If you have a story, confession, or experience you’d like to share—whether it’s an anonymous crush, workplace drama, or something else entirely—you may submit it instead of actually making friends in my film course i just find their letterboxd and like their reviews on the movie we watched in our lecture

Welcome to the puzzle page from Puzzhead, your resident Puzzler.

These puzzles are provided to be fun and challenging. The Salient team and our contributors aim for accuracy, but occasional errors may occur. If you notice an error, you may write to editor@salient.org.nz. Please note that our puzzlers and contributors are doing their best, and none are professionals or working on these puzzles full time. For the word find, words may appear diagonally and backwards. To access solutions for the crosswords and connections puzzles, scan the QR code next to Puzzhead.

set square word wheel

To solve a Set Square, use arithmetic and logical reasoning. You are given a grid containing six sums: three reading across and three reading down. The arithmetic operations (division, multiplication, addition, and subtraction) are shown between the grid spaces. Place each of the numbers 1 to 9 exactly once into the grid so that all six sums are correct. Note that calculations are carried out in left-to-right order, not according to BEDMAS.

connections

To solve connections, group the sixteen words into four sets of four based on a shared connection. Each word belongs in only one group. Continue until all four groups are identified. On our website, the groupings are uploaded one at a time, so if you get stuck, you can view the answer for a single connection without revealing the full solution.

Notes: S M I S N S S E E

To solve Word Wheels, form words of four letters or more using the letters in the nineletter wheel. Every word must include the central letter. Each letter may be used only as many times as it appears in the wheel. The aim is to find as many valid words as possible from the target word list, including the nine-letter word that uses all the letters.

20 possible words

(take) initiative · kakama

leo

The spotlight will find you unexpectedly; enjoy the applause, but remember who supported you before everyone started watching.

Watch Barbie in Rock ’N Royals

aries

A spontaneous invitation will shake up your routine; say yes, wear something bold, and avoid arguing over tiny details.

Watch Barbie: Princess Charm School

sagittarius

A change of scenery will restore your optimism, even if the adventure begins with a wrong turn or delayed plan.

Watch Barbie & Her Sisters in a Pony Tale

virgo

An unfinished task will finally become manageable once you stop perfecting every detail and trust your first instinct.

Watch Barbie: The Pearl Princess

Comfort will feel tempting this week, but one small risk could reveal a surprisingly rewarding opportunity hiding nearby this week.

Watch Barbie as The Princess and the Pauper

Your determination will pay off quietly, bringing recognition from someone whose opinion matters more than public praise ever could.

Watch Barbie in the Nutcracker

Strange travellers from distant constellations have beamed you up to the Mothership to deliver some good news and hard truths. Consider the gravity of their words (or don't).

Your words will sparkle effortlessly, attracting new connections, funny misunderstandings, and one conversation worth remembering for years.

Watch Barbie: A Fairy Secret

scorpio libra gemini cancer

Romance, friendship, or creative inspiration will first appear somewhere ordinary, proving magic rarely arrives with a dramatic soundtrack.

Watch Barbie & The Diamond Castle

aquarius

An unusual idea deserves your attention, especially when sensible people dismiss it before understanding what you are creating.

Watch Barbie: Star Light Adventure

Keep one secret for yourself this week; mystery strengthens your confidence and prevents unnecessary interference from curious people.

Watch Barbie in the 12 Dancing Princesses

A quiet evening will bring clarity about someone’s intentions, helping you protect your peace without closing your heart.

Watch Barbie of Swan Lake

pisces

Dreams will feel unusually vivid this week, guiding you toward a gentle decision your logical mind has been avoiding lately.

Watch Barbie Fairytopia: Mermaidia

June 21July 22