Salient 07, 2013 - Identity

E I L N A T S 1938

An Organ of Student Opinion Since 1938

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It’s true that no man is an island, and in forming our identity we look to people and ideas that we can identify with, as well as those we can define ourselves against.

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They're Here, They're Queer, we're used to it - page 21

V.I.P.s Editors: Stella Blake-Kelly & Molly McCarthy editor@salient.org.nz Designer: Laura Burns designer@salient.org.nz News Editor: Chris McIntyre news@salient.org.nz Chief Reporter: Phillipa Webb

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and Janet, Ashleigh Hume, Mike Jagusch, Eve Kennedy, Josh Lynex, Rory McCourt, Miranda McGregor, Duncan McLachlan, Carla Marks, Ngai Tauira, Pasifika Students' Council, Cam Price, Sofia Roberts, Carlo Salizzo, Julia Whaipooti Contributor of the Week: Cam Price

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through the Student Services Levy. It is printed by APN Print of Hastings. Opinions expressed are not necessarily representative of ASPA, VUWSA, APN Print, Colin Craig, Clint, but we of Salient are proud of our beliefs and take full responsibility for them.

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Puttin' a ring on it

 EDITORIAL 

Editorial worst memories. But if you were to throw in issues around gender, sexual identification, and the fear of being persecuted just for wanting to pash someone that society thinks you shouldn’t—is it any wonder queer youth have disproportionately high rates of suicide and mental health issues?

Fortunately, little by little, we are changing our ways, and making life a lot more normal for those who have always felt they weren’t.

The recently passed Marriage (Definition of Marriage) Amendment Act may be the first piece of legislation that has got you interested in politics.

The first piece of legislation that made you share a status, retweet, write to a politician, or march in the streets. The first piece of legislation that meant much more to you than just a piece of paper. The first piece of legislation which will actually improve your life, or at least that of someone you know.

It means a lot more and a lot less to a lot of people.

For Stella, it means she can let her heart (and wish for pashes) go after whoever the fuck she wants. Because regardless of gender, and despite a fear of commitment, she could, one day, maybe, if she’s lucky, get married.

For Molly, it makes her reluctant inner patriot burst with pride, and reminds her why she enrolled in her Law degree all those years ago—to effect the change she hopes to see in the world. Or something.

Welcome back from the break, we hope that you made the most of your seven days off—you can take it from us, it’s all downhill from here. The remaining six weeks of this trimester will fly by in a blur of essays, tutorial assignments, and in-class pop quizzes that you forgot to prepare for. At least Salient will still be here, every Monday, to keep your spirits high—even on the days you realise that it’s colder inside your flat than out.

On a side note, thank you to those who have filled in the Salient Readership Survey so far—if you haven’t yet, head to facebook.com/salientmagazine and fill out the quiz before Friday 3 May for your chance to win one of two $50 vouchers to the Hunter Lounge.

Our first response to the Readership Survey requested that we print “more horny”, and although we giggled at first, we get it—we all want a good root now and then.

We’re sexual beings. It can be hard to abstain from that fact, bombarded with songs about getting your freak on, and advertising that taps into raw lust. The internal hormonal drives to reproduce or fall in love with people can be a terrifying rollercoaster, and while they can provide us with some incredible highs, these emotions are often also tied into our

mum

As New Zealanders, we don’t have a particularly long cultural history, so we have to cling on to the things that hold us together. But while we may not have castles, national dishes, or even a written constitution, we have always had a strong sense of doing that which is right, and that which is fair. We were the first country to give women the vote in 1893; allowed immigrants and settlers a chance to get ahead in our ‘classless society’, and although there are ongoing race relations issues that we need to address, we should admire the fact that we openly acknowledge these issues and are continuing to work together to build a diverse Aotearoa that we can all be proud of. Kia ora, New Zealand, kia ora.

But we mustn’t become complacent. As a generation of New Zealanders who have grown up in a society that is becoming more and more equal, it is up to us to ensure that this trend continues. Casual racism, sexism, homophobia and prejudices lurk in the darkest corners of our psyche; in our playgrounds, on our Stuff.co.nz comment boards. Equality doesn’t stop here.

In a lot of ways we will be the first generation whose life is worse off than our parents; we carry with us intergenerational debt and student loan debt—not to mention the burden of supporting an ageing population. It won’t always be easy, but in forging the path ahead, we need to make sure that none of us get left behind. As MP Maryan Street said at the third reading of the Marriage Equality Bill, “Our actions here must always be about the future. We leave this world to others, especially our young people. Let us make it a better, fairer, kinder place than we found it.”

& mum

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CARLO SALIZZO - @LOUDERTHOUGHTS

TOP TEN Things We Shouldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t Define Ourselves By

TEN Alcohol tolerance

NINE The Oxford Comma

EIGHT Mass Effect alignment

SEVEN Genital Size

SIX Psychometric testing

FIVE Barney Stinson

FOUR Astrology

THREE Recreational drug use

TWO List-based humour

ONE Pinterest

BY SAM NORTHCOTT

♦ NEWS ♦

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NEWs 

I dentity, you dentity, we all dentity. Email news@salient.org.nz with tips and goss.

“FUCKED IN THE ARSE” Cherry ripe with anger chris mcintyre

University caretaker Arana Kenny, 21, was discharged without conviction in Wellington District Court earlier this month after entering a guilty plea in March to the theft of a PhD student’s cell phone last year.

As previously reported in Salient, Kenny’s theft amounts to a breach of the Staff Code of Conduct which he is subject to as an employee of the University.

Kenny continues to be employed by the University, but is on a “final warning”, his lawyer Letizia Ord told the court.

District Court judge Peter Hobbs ordered Kenny to pay $300 to charity, a result met with outrage from the victim, Chris Cherry.

“Arana Kenny has to pay $300 to charity. But fuck his victim,” wrote Cherry on his blog.

“What the fuck has a random charity got to do with this?”

University security is carried out by Campus Care, such as Kenny, who work during the day. This security service is supplemented by an external provider overnight and as needed, a University spokesperson told Salient.

“The Staff conduct policy is a University-wide policy which applies to independent contractors and any other person providing services to

the University,” the spokesperson said.

When asked, University management told Salient that they are not worried about setting a precedent for the continued employment of employees who have plead guilty to criminal charges on University property, against University students.

“The University will continue to view each case on an individual basis,” a spokesperson said.

Cherry also took to his blog to comment on the court order and on the “stealing toerag” who found the phone in a bathroom and continued to use it for a period of months.

“Result? Victim gets fucked in the arse. [...] Thieving motherfucker called Arana Kenny walks away scot-free,” wrote Cherry, who pulled out of his PhD program following the theft.

Cherry’s blog consists solely of rhetoric against Kenny and University management. He has written over 15,000 words on the saga since June 2012—approximately 15 per cent of a Doctoral thesis.

OMNISHAMBLES TURNS CLUSTERFUCK STUDENT REPRESENTATION: NOT OUR FUTURE STELLA BLAKE-KELLY

The Student Forum failed to reach quorum at its Monday 16 April meeting, with only ten members showing up to partake in the Universitymanaged student representational body.

Without the 20 student members needed to officially open the meeting, the election of key student representative positions to the University Council and Academic Board could not take place. As the next meeting isn't scheduled until the end of May, the failure of the Forum to appoint such positions effectively sends half a year’s worth of student representation down the drain.

The Forum—theoretically made up of 35 positions—has struggled to find students willing to partake. It has also had trouble maintaining members, with VUWSA, Ngāi Tauira and the Pasifika Students’ Council leaving due to repeated concerns with the Forum’s democratic nature, accountability to students and lack of mana not being addressed. The University had previously proposed that should quorum not be met, the occasion “be used to explore informally any issues of concern raised by the representatives that are present.”

The usual discussions went round in circles, jumping between confusion and awkward silences. One hour later the meeting ended with the arrival of pizza, which, as PGSA President Neal Barber explained, was “the most important part of the meeting”. The next meeting of the Student Forum is set down for 21 May  ◊ 6 ◊ 

lost STUDENT VOICE Last seen mandated by and accountable to students circa 2011.

Misplaced by University— management. May be hidden behind a typo, or under managementappointed student representatives.

If found, please return to Victoria's 15,265 fee-paying students.

♦ NEWS ♦

WTF VUW PBRF

Easier to get amongst the best somewhere else Chris McIntyre

As Victoria celebrates being announced the top-ranked research university in New Zealand, data shows Victoria students are less likely than students from other universities to be taught by the researchers who earned this ranking.

As reported in the last issue of Salient, Victoria gained the top ranking in the main measure of the Performance Based Research Fund’s (PBRF) six-yearly quality evaluation—a significant improvement on fourth place in 2006. This means Victoria has the highest quality of research across all New Zealand universities, a measure determined by evaluating the value of staff ’s academic publications.

The University ranked sixth among New Zealand universities in providing PBRFeligible staff to students. Victoria has one

PBRF-eligible staff member for every 26 students, compared to 1:20 at Auckland and 1:16 at Otago.

Assistant Vice-Chancellor (Research) Professor Charles Daugherty has put this down to the different types of courses Victoria offers compared to other universities.

“In general, courses that attract more Government funding (such as Medicine and Agriculture) allow a higher staff-tostudent ratio. Victoria has among the lowest proportion of its students in these high-cost areas,” he told Salient.

“In terms of access, our staff-student ratios in different disciplines are similar to every other university for the subjects we offer.”

NZUSA Executive Director Dr Alistair Shaw believes students may suffer from the requirements the PBRF places on academic

staff, and emphasises the actual staff-student ratios over PBRF-eligible staff-student ratios; something Victoria has traditionally been behind on.

“The greatest impact on Vic students may be in the ramifications of how VUW approached the PBRF exercise. Forcibly retired staff (brought back as contract teachers) and/or casualised staff who can't get fullyear contracts, and those facing demanding publishing requirements may not be able to focus as well on their teaching,” said Shaw.

The PBRF scheme has come under fire as historically, universities have attempted to rort the system in order to gain higher rankings and more funding. The Tertiary Education Commission said no significant gaming of the system had been picked up in the most recent evaluation.

PBRF To Mind Its Own Business TEU don’t rejoice re: Joyce’s review preview miranda mcgregor

The Government is looking to restructure the PBRF to become business-orientated, a move which critics fear will commercialise research.

A review of the PBRF was announced at last month’s Higher Education Summit by Minister for Tertiary Education Steven Joyce, who cited the economy as a reason for the restructuring.

of research over others,” said TEU President Lesley Francey.

The review will be undertaken by the Ministry of Education, in collaboration with the Ministry of Business, Innovation and Employment and the Tertiary Education

“This year, we are reviewing the two main tertiary-research funding streams—the PBRF and the Centres of Research Excellence (CoREs)—to assess their effectiveness in delivering skills and innovation, producing excellent research, and encouraging the utilisation and commercialisation of research,” he said.

Following Joyce’s comments that the review would look at how the PBRF “recognises applied research that is relevant to business,” the Tertiary Education Union came out with the usual opposition.

“We ... vigorously oppose any proposals to change the system simply so as to cut budgets, or changes that undermine the academic independence of researchers by allowing either government or business to favour some types  ◊ 7 ◊ 

Commission. A consultation document is expected to be circulated in May in order for the public to have their say on any changes.

Final decisions in response to the review are expected to be made by June 2013.

♦ NEWS ♦

TRIBUNAL FINDS FAULTS IN GROUND, LANDLORD Earthquake risk a shock to tenants Sophie Boot

A Wellington landlord is refusing to pay compensation awarded by the Tenancy Tribunal to four tenants he “consciously misled” over earthquake risks to their flat.

Lucy Arbuckle was awarded $1641, and her three flatmates $2116 to split between them, after the Tribunal ruled against Craig Relph, sole director of Portfolio Property Management. Relph had falsely claimed that the building met standards, failed to display a warning notice, and did not inform the tenants about the extent of strengthening work required.

Relph has said he does not agree with the Tribunal decision, and has no ability to pay as Portfolio has nil profit. However, staff at a backpackers owned by Relph and managed by Portfolio have said that the company is trading and Relph has a history of refusing Tenancy Tribunal orders.

In 2009, the Wellington District Court issued Relph with a garnishee summons to repay bond he had refused to refund to two former tenants, despite being ordered to do so by the Tenancy Tribunal. Garnishee summons allow the court to access money owed through a third party, such as from the debtor’s bank account.

The three original flatmates had signed the lease for the flat at 280 Cuba St in March 2012. They were informed minor strengthening work needed to be done, to the façade of the building only. However, when Lucy Arbuckle joined the flat in August 2012, her parents discovered that an ‘orange sticker’ which had been issued in 2008 still applied to the flat.

An orange sticker indicates that a building is earthquake-prone, meaning it is likely to collapse, causing injury or death, in a moderate earthquake. It means that the building has to be fixed or demolished by a certain date.

The flatmates then attempted to terminate their lease, but Portfolio refused, claiming that the building met earthquake standards.

However, the building has been a known earthquake risk since 1999 and owners have been issued with several notices by the Council to have it strengthened or demolished. In 2009, the Tenancy Tribunal criticised Relph as the owner for “putting [tenants’] lives at risk”, as he had failed to get a compliance certificate for the building. In 2011, three tenants from the building also went to the Tribunal to terminate their lease after learning about the orange sticker.

Relph has criticised the Tribunal’s decision, claiming that the building is not a risk and that the tenants had lied about the orange sticker not being displayed.

“No-one has ever died in an earthquake-prone building… There seems to be a culture of people, that enjoys ... removing such signs for their own benefit… I know that they have no problems with lying to you or even the courts," said Relph.

Students with tenancy disputes can lodge an application at dbh.govt.nz/tenancy-tribunal.

SEE YOU AT THE BOTTOM? STATISTICS SHOW DRINKING CONTINUES TO FALL Megan Beattie

The Ministry of Health has popped the cork on a survey of New Zealand’s drinking patterns, revealing fewer people are drinking and younger people are drinking more responsibly.

The overall rate of hazardous drinking for the 18- to 24-year-old group has fallen from 49 per cent in 2006-07 to 36 per cent in 2011-12, though remains more common than in any other age group.

Amongst all past-year drinkers, one in five (19 per cent) had hazardous drinking patterns, down four percent from 2006-07. Hazardous drinking is defined as a drinking pattern that carries a risk of physical or mental harm, or having harmful social effects to the drinker or others.

The Ministry of Health found that among past-year drinkers, men aged 18 to 24 are at higher risk of hazardous drinking (44 per cent) than women in the same age group (26 per cent).

More people are engaging in teetotalism, with the survey’s findings showing the percentage of adults who had consumed alcohol in the past 12 months dropped from 84 per cent in 2006-07 to 80 per cent in 2011-12.

Associate Minister of Health Peter Dunne believes the results are a step in the right direction.

“There is some good work going on in the sector, and these are encouraging results,” he said. In 2008, there were 10,290 admissions to New Zealand hospitals caused by drinking.

The report can be read in full at the Ministry of Health website, health.govt.nz.  ◊ 8 ◊ 

♦ NEWS ♦

vuwsa to fight climate change millions of potential climate refugees rejoice Chris McIntyre & Molly McCarthy

After waiting six weeks to attend VUWSA’s Initial General Meeting (IGM), VUWSA members who were in attendance at the Memorial Theatre on Wednesday 17 April found that the IGM was almost over before it had begun.

The meeting commenced at 1.27pm, with a quorum count just minutes into the meeting confirming that the required quorum of 100 VUWSA members had been comfortably met. For VUWSA, who have had ongoing problems reaching and maintaining quorum in recent years, Wednesday’s crowd of 127 was an impressive turn-out.

Once commenced, President Rory McCourt rushed through items on the agenda; attempted to call a vote on a motion before opening the floor to members who wished to speak for or against it; requested that speeches be kept to thirty seconds, and “forgot” to allow members to raise general business.

Under Part II, Section 2(1) of the VUWSA Constitution, IGMs are generally required to be held within the first four weeks of the first trimester. However as section 2(3)(a) requires the Executive to present an audited statement of income and expenditure for the previous year at this meeting, the Executive was allowed an exception due to a delay caused by the auditors consolidating the accounts of VUWSA and the VUWSA Trust.

of VSM; VUWSA’s ongoing commitment to supporting marriage equality; VUWSA’s ongoing commitment to representing the views of those students who don’t support marriage equality despite VUWSA’s mandate for support; a governance review which “made this organisation a lot better”; the membership card; a promise for better O-Weeks in future, and the Fairer Fares campaign.

“I’m confident the legacy this Exec can leave is a really good O-Week for next year,” said McCourt.

The IGM also included the passing of two climate change motions, “That VUWSA acknowledges the current and future impacts of climate change on students and society and the need for an urgent and comprehensive response”, and “That VUWSA takes appropriate action where possible to support the transition to a prosperous and equitable low-carbon economy”.

The motions were bundled as one, and moved and spoken to by students Brittany Packer and Wilbur Townsend. The speakers emphasised the academic consensus on climate change, the intergenerational importance of the issue, and students’ altruism and global conscience as reasons to support the motion.

Chair of the VUWSA Trust, Dave Guerin, explained that the Trust has $6 million in net equity, compared to VUWSA’s $1 million. In 2012 the Trust’s contribution was $150,000, allowing VUWSA to balance the books and erase their deficit (at least on paper). When Salient asked if the Trust’s funds would continue to be used to prop up the financially-vulnerable VUWSA, Guerin confirmed that they would.

Treasurer Jordan McCluskey assured members that the deficit will be reduced—but not fully overcome—this year. “[VUWSA has a] long term strategic liability, making us dependent on the University,” said McCluskey.

Following the financial summary, McCourt presented a recap of VUWSA’s key activities in the past year, including the implications  ◊ 9 ◊ 

VUWSA Vice-President (Academic) Sonya Clark questioned the extent to which VUWSA would be enacting this motion, given limited resources and asked whether it meant the Executive would support every green campaign asking for endorsement. The question went unanswered, with the Executive choosing to keep tensions confined to their offices.

Two fourth year Geology students in the audience both cited the recent Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change’s Fifth Assessment Report as reasons why the motion both should and should not be supported. Russell Bicknell argued the West Antarctic ice sheet would melt regardless of whether VUWSA passed the motion, while Tamsin Bertaud-Gandar said that VUWSA should be part of the adaptation to the inevitable 5 metres of sea level rise.

A vote was held and passed with no vocal opposition to the motion, and only only Clark and a couple of other VUWSA Executive members abstaining.

As the meeting closed, free movie passes were handed out and mountains of pizza delivered, proving that there is such thing as a free lunch—so long as you’re willing to play quorum.

♦ NEWS ♦

LOVE LEGALISED RIP 'sarriage' Sofia Roberts

Last Wednesday, the Marriage (Definition of Marriage) Amendment Bill passed its third and final reading, with 77 votes for the Bill and 44 against.

Royal assent was given by the GovernorGeneral on Friday, meaning that the Bill will be officially incorporated into New Zealand law.

The Third Reading of the Bill drew such a large audience that, in addition to the public and Speaker’s galleries, a screening room was set up in Parliament. San Francisco Bath House, Ivy, and S&M’s bar also screened the Reading.

The majority of speeches were in support of the Bill, with Minister for Building and Construction Maurice Williamson becoming a gay icon in the process.

“One of the messages I had was that this bill was the cause of our drought. Well… in the Pakuranga electorate this morning it was pouring with rain. We had the most enormous, big, gay rainbow across my electorate. It has to be a sign,” he said.

MP Jonathan Young criticised the “legalise love” campaign, saying that love isn’t something that can be legislated.

“My view is that history and tradition have invested significant meaning into the term ‘marriage’ and I believe that we need to retain its present definition,” he said.

Minister of Courts Chester Borrows acknowledged that the Bill wouldn’t detract from his own heterosexual marriage, but stated that he was against the Bill because

Canter-buried in debt

he thought that there should be more debate surrounding the definition of marriage.

VUWSA Equity Officer Matthew Ellison is proud of the work VUWSA and UniQ put towards ensuring the Bill’s passage was successful.

“Early on... Rory, the president, [and I] gave an oral submission to the select committee on behalf of our members.

“As part of its Pride Week last year, UniQ ran several events supporting marriage equality... We also hosted a marriage debate involving Grant Robertson and Kevin Hague, and worked with the Campaign for Marriage Equality, and Legalise Love,” Ellison said.

Same-sex couples will be able to marry from 19 August.

CLEAN SWEEP Victoria goes one from one at Uni Games

Government to wipe Canterbury’s bottom line Chris McIntyre

Chris McIntyre

Canterbury University is seeking up to a quarter of a billion dollars from the Government in order to stay afloat financially, hoping to turn the recent red ink back into black.

The University has faced continual money woes following the Canterbury earthquakes, which saw significant property damage and proved a turnoff for potential students. The amount sought

by Canterbury—between $200 and $250 million—represents approximately five per cent of the University’s ten-year operating and capital-works budget.

Before the earthquake, Canterbury had $100 million in cash reserves, $60 million of which has since been used up, with the remaining $40 million expected to be used up by the end of the year according to Vice-Chancellor Rod Carr.

“We're going to be in the order of runout," Carr said.

Help is on the way, with the Government pledging to support the Science and Engineering faculties.

“The Government is committed to providing financial assistance to the University by October,” said a spokesperson for Minister for Tertiary Education Steven Joyce.

Strong revenue and relationships with major banks also ensure loans can be secured if need be, to keep the University afloat amid earthquake damage and dwindling student numbers in some faculties. Staff cuts have already been made, with more to come, said Carr.

Canterbury University will find out the actual amount of Government support it will receive in October.

Victoria appears to have gone for quality over quantity at the 2013 University Games, with the Ultimate Frisbee team taking top honours.

As reported in Salient last week, the Ultimate Frisbee team were the sole competitors Victoria sent to the Games, held in Dunedin last week.

Previous University Games have seen Victoria send in excess of ten teams comprised of hundreds of athletes to travel across the country to compete. Despite the 2013 games being held in Dunedin, the remote location did not stop AUT, Auckland, and Massey from sending over four teams each.

This is the first year of the University managing clubs since it took over control from VUWSA. 2012 VUWSA Clubs Officer Reed Fleming believes the University has “failed” at University Games, despite providing a strong Clubs Week.

“If they are serious about clubs, and student involvement in cocurricular activities, they need to step up their game.

“The University clearly doesn't understand how to engage with clubs.

VUWSA had very good relationships with clubs and their members, and knew that just sending an email isn't enough,” Fleming told Salient.

In other sporting news, Victoria’s rowing team competed in the New Zealand Universities Rowing Championships at Lake Karapiro last weekend. Results were unavailable when Salient went to print.

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♦ NEWS ♦

SMOKING: NOT OUR VUW-TURE On-campus puffing gone in the wind Mike Jagusch

It’s lights out for smokers at Victoria from this week, as the University joins the ranks of Auckland, Canterbury and AUT in banning smoking on all campuses—no butts about it.

Those found smoking within the ban area will be asked by Campus Care to move off campus, and provided with advice on support available for quitting smoking.

This means that no students, staff or visitors are able to smoke at any campus, halls of residence, or outdoor areas.

A pack-a-day smoker and third-year student spoken to by Salient believes the changes are useless.

Staff and students were asked whether they were in favour of a smoke-free campus during a consultation period last year. The results showed 72 per cent of the more than 2400 respondents were in favour of the University becoming smoke-free, as previously reported in Salient.

Those needing a nicotine fix are able to indulge at public areas of Kelburn Pde, Cobblestone Park (outside Te Aro Campus), and Bunny and Featherston Streets in Pipitea.

Smokers are still able to smoke on public land, which is not covered by the University’s ban.

LOL NEWS CHROFLIS MCLOLNTYRE

ICE ICE BABY—NOT ANY MORE! We’ve all had that moment where we worry about whether the person we’re about to have sex with is our cousin. For Iceland’s closely-related population of 300,000—who are not as frigid as one might think—this is all too common a concern. Enter Íslendinga-App, an Android app which allows potential coital partners to bump phones before sounding an “incest alarm” if the lovers are just a bit too close (genetically speaking). The app is currently rated four out of five on the Google Play store; readers can form their own conclusions as to why this is. And by the way, if you read the first sentence without batting an eyelid, what the fuck.

“At the end of the day, if I want to smoke, I will simply head to the street and smoke. This will only lead to congregations of smokers visible to the public,” he said.

Another student is concerned with how the ban is going to be enforced.

“I’m not going to tell somebody to stop smoking. As a non-smoker, I feel money will be wasted stopping something that never bothered me.”

Campus Services Associate Director Rainsforth Dix told Salient that the University anticipates that the cost of promoting and advertising Victoria’s smoke-free status will be around $3500.

dresses would be “distracting” to boys. Female students plan to flout the ban and flaunt their shoulders; male students were too distracted to comment. Salient calls for the school to uphold the Second Amendment rights enshrined in the US Constitution: the right to bare arms.

stay classy, world The rise of the gaytriarchy following New Zealand’s legalisation of marriage equality has now reached France, which became the 14th country to allow equal marriage rights last week.

French marriage equality campaigners have hailed the victory: “It’s Nice for bigots Toulouse”.

Labour has put a spanner in the works of the Mighty River Power share float, announcing an audacious plan supported by a lot of Wellington bloggers and very few economists. “Won’t somebody please think of the shareholders!” exclaimed the right-wing.

Apple’s net profits have fallen for the first time in over ten years, down to just US$9.5 billion from $11.6 billion last year. In other worrying financial news for the tech giant, its $137 billion of cash reserves only earns one per cent, or $1.37 billion, in interest each year.

The Mississippi Elvis-impersonator suspected to have sent President Obama a poison-laced letter has avoided doing the Jailhouse Rock as charges were dropped. The FBI’s Suspicious Minds were proven incorrect after finding no evidence at the man’s home or on his computer to link him to the crime.

Unusually high levels have been recorded after measurements were taken. The levels have caused concern among monitors of such recordings, prompting alarm. Further measurements will be taken.

FORMULA FOR SUCCESS Two Floridians with a nine-month-old child stole over US$90,000 worth of baby formula in a six-month period, according to state police. The baby formula was sold online 60 per cent below market value. This would have netted $36,000 for the couple, money likely used to fund their painkiller addictions which set them back over $215 per day (a cost of approximately $39,237 over six months). In all likelihood, the child is now looking forward to both being well-fed and a few formative years in foster care. Not LOLing now, are you?

headlines that weren't Nation in morning after passing of 11.59 pm MARK101 student snapped up by ad agency mid-trimester Braille makes linguists feel tense

CHILDREN GIVEN THE STRAP

Young Nat’s John Key shrine “really cool”, according to second Young Nat

A disturbing insight into the mind of a New Jersey junior-high-school principal has been provided last week, after said principal banned girls from wearing strapless dresses to the school dance. Principal Moffat told parents strapless

Man “not feline well” after lion mauling  ◊ 11 ◊ 

 FEATURES 

NEWS FEATURE

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Victoria University of Wellington will be smoke-free from Monday 29 April 2013

YES

By Phillipa Webb Alright, I’m about to say something pretty radical here, so be prepared; start quivering your bottom lip and drop your cigarette because this is kind of a new age idea: Smoking kills.

The smoke-free campus change means that no-one can smoke on any Victoria University campuses or properties—including Halls of Residence, the Hunter Lounge, Milk and Honey and outdoor spaces around campus—from 29 April this year.

The decision to go smoke-free was made following a consultation period last year, where staff and students were asked to have their say on whether they were in favour of a smoke-free campus.

Overall, 72 per cent of more than 2400 respondents were in favour of becoming smoke-free.

So you have had your chance to blow smoke against this idea; and like a good and proper democracy, the people have spoken and the people were right.

cam's response Here’s a truly novel new-age idea: people do know that smoking kills. Maybe they used to smoke to subconsciously suck on a tiny penis, but these days people are informed of the dangers and yet they still choose to take it up. Why? Because people derive pleasure from smoking. It de-stresses and acts as a conduit for social interaction.

People carrying a packet of Marlboro Reds

Currently, you cannot smoke within three metres of a building anyway, so if you are really burning for that tar in your lungs just walk a little bit further out of University property to inhale some poison. God knows you probably need the exercise.

The libertarian argument that you should be able to do whatever you want and probably smoke cigarettes on a rainbow riding a unicorn is incredibly naïve. This is 2013, not the 19th century.

In the 1920s the American tobacco industry boomed because they took advantage of the women’s suffrage movement and marketed cigarettes towards women as “slimming sticks” and as a sexually desirable object—a cigarette symbolised a penis and women were supposed to suck it.

So if you think smoking is all about free choice, you’ve got it wrong.

And today, the smoking industry are still just using you as a pawn in their giant game of let's-kill-everyone monopoly. The industry are living on Mayfair and they hold the dice, so don’t get all precious and think smoking is your individual choice.

The ban at Victoria is just an extension of this push in the right direction to eradicate smoking from our culture. And so far it's working.

Universities are supposed to be the critic and conscience of society—and it baffles me that most of us are so right on issues like marriage equality but some of us get it so so wrong when it comes to doing what's best for our health.

Smoking isn’t cool—I’m not saying I’ve never smoked, I’m just saying we don’t need to do it at Uni. Instead, what’s best for our future, because here’s another radical idea—we are the future— is the need to make these changes now so that our tamariki, our mokopuna, can grow up in a world where 1) anyone can marry anyone, and 2) where no one will be dying or suffering from preventable diseases.

It’s time to stop protesting for the sake of having a tantrum, because institutions like Victoria are just trying to help diminish the health and economic mountains that smoking has created for our country.

Already the general public of New Zealand are not allowed to smoke in bars, restaurants, schools, and most universities—and now Victoria—have snubbed cigarettes.

And it’s about time they did.

think it makes them look cool. You might say that it doesn’t, but that’s just an opinion of yours. Why can’t you just let people do as they please? It’s true that 72 per cent of those who responded were in favour of the ban. But when 72 per cent of people were against marriage equality in the dark ages of the 20th century, it didn’t mean it was right to discriminate. The government is already taxing and plain-packaging cigarettes. Victoria doesn’t have to hop on the bandwagon.

Victoria University of Wellington will be smoke free from Monday 29 April 2013

So get a grip and put out your cigarettes on campus. It's not that hard.

A message from Student Health and Counselling Services This week there will be an Expo in the HUB to celebrate. It runs from 12 to 2 pm Monday 29 to Friday 3 May. Staff from Mauri Ora will be there every day. Health promoters and nurses from the Wellington Region will visit throughout the week to provide information and answer questions about quitting smoking.

Come and check out the Facebook ‘Smoking Not Our Future’ poster design competition.

There are many health benefits from stopping smoking. You will have more breath and energy, your food will taste better and you will

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o

head Is this a good idea?

NO

By Cam Price In our parents’ day, you could smoke on planes.

Restaurants had smoking areas, McDonald’s had tinfoil ashtrays on every table, bars were thick with the fog of tobacco smoke and even patients in hospitals were allowed to light up right there in their hospital beds. All of this has changed, and that’s for the better. We get it. Second-hand smoking is bad. It kills bajillions of people who did not consent to inhaling the noxious fumes.

But the incrementalist thinking which says we should also prevent people from enjoying a cigarette on the Victoria University campus is predicated on a false premise. The difference is this: non-smokers in enclosed spaces are forced to do so against their will; you can’t pop outside for some fresh air when you’re cruising along at 30,000 feet. But if you don’t want to be subject to passive smoking outside, you can (and should) actively walk away.

On a principled level, there exists no right to fresh air. We don’t ban buses just because people walking along the pavement have to deal

have more money. You will even smell better!

If the thought of stopping smoking is a bit daunting, remember you do not need to do it alone. The Student Health Service is available to provide support, discuss strategies and to prescribe treatments such as nicotine replacement therapy. Make an appointment to see us.

Other ways to get help include: ◊ Ring Quitline 0800 778 778 for support, advice and information or go to www.quit.org.nz. ◊ Ring Aukati KaiPaipa 0800 926 257 for a free face to face or go to www.aukatikaipaipa. co.nz.

Smokefree Aotearoa New Zealand by 2025.

Together we can make it happen!

with the exhaust fumes. We don’t mandate the use of deodorant just because smelly people offend our olfactory systems. It follows that we shouldn’t stop people from indulging in a durry just because people are too lazy to walk around them, particularly given the fact that in actuality smokers at Victoria are generally a polite and considerate bunch who make a conscious effort to not smoke in areas frequented by non-smokers.

Counterintuitively, this policy will actually increase the likelihood of second-hand smoke.

Smokers will congregate on the footpath outside the entrances to the university, meaning that everyone will have to walk through a haze of second-hand smoke to get to class. Whereas before smokers could enjoy the protection of the covered smoking areas on rainy days, they will now huddle under bus shelters to shield themselves from the weather.

We’re no scientists, but concentrating smokers in areas where people will be forced to breath in poisonous vapours sounds like a pretty bad way to fight second-hand smoke. And just think of the mountain of butts that will accumulate as a result of the confinement and concentration of smokers.

Phillipa's response In our parents’ day sex between consenting males was illegal, most people didn’t wear seatbelts and asbestos was liberally applied to buildings. Attitudes change. Not overnight—but gradually, through incremental steps as more and more people realise they’re doing something that is hurting themselves and the people around them.

Your acknowledgement that smoking is bad for you doesn’t come from one

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But what really irks us about this policy is that it is nothing more than some majoritarian whim to clamp down on a helpless minority.

Society has this weird tendency to identify a certain group that doesn’t follow the norm, and then pour their disdain on them. People can’t seem to live and let live; they have to tell others that the lives they lead are inferior.

It’s much easier for us to abrogate the rights of smokers once we become convinced that smokers are scummy. The practice of ‘othering’ has very real negative consequences for those who are being ‘othered’. That the University is actively encouraging students to engage in this behaviour is appalling. The official advice from the University for if you see someone smoking on campus is that “You can politely remind them that this is a Smokefree campus.”

The response from smokers will be to say “Fuck you and your self-righteousness”, and in the absence of strict enforcement, some people will break the rules. I know I will. And if you dare say anything to me, I’ll most likely apologise and sheepishly put my cigarette out. But I won’t be happy about it.

image of tar-ridden lungs on the pack of cigarettes you purchased because your brain was tricked into thinking it needed dat bac’ to function. It comes from years of incremental steps deeming smoking to be unacceptable in certain places—the latest of which came in 2011 when a Nationalled Government committed to a goal of New Zealand becoming smokefree by 2025. That’s right, the party of individual responsibility has set aside the narrowminded view of "If I smoke over here I won’t hurt anyone but myself", in favour of promoting messages that are in the collective best interests of the nation.

Kudos to Victoria for doing the same.

P O L I

left Who got the power?

By Carla Marks Before the smoke from Lady Thatcher’s crematorium had even settled over the cold streets of London, there was a revolution happening. No, the Britons didn’t revolt, but the announcement that the New Zealand electricity market was to see the most significant reforms in a generation provided a fine contrast to the legacy of the Iron Lady.

The Green Party joined with Labour in announcing NZ Power; a new agency which a Labour-Green government would use to control the price of power for New Zealanders. NZ Power is, at long last, the opposition’s response to the implementation of the mixed ownership model and in effect takes a hammer (and sickle) to the neoliberal agenda. The plan can be summarised thus: NZ Power will buy all the electricity for a fair price which is above, but not extraordinarily above, the cost of generation, and then require retailers to sell it to consumers at a fair price.

David Shearer explained during the announcement that the free electricity market was broken, citing the fact that prices are rising at more than double the rate of inflation, and much more quickly than in similar countries. Indeed, for a country where more than 70 per cent of electricity is generated using free resources and over 55 per cent using free water passing through dams built and paid for many decades ago, it is a failure when prices rise so quickly.

The policy has been labeled by the right as “North Korean economics”and “economic vandalism” and compared to Soviet policies. The panic from the Government has resembled a spasming octopus, its limbs flapping about in an uncoordinated, uninformed and ineffective response. Meanwhile, Kiwis can see not only cheaper power bills, but also two parties working together as a viable alternative government.

What is more interesting from this announcement is the identification of a market failure in one of the most crucial areas of our economy, and the proposal of a smart, cheap, hands-on fix. It’s not just a $330 saving per year, but a sign that a potential future government is prepared to shift away from neoliberal and third-way policies that permeate developed societies. This precedent is a game-changer, making the left/ right divide not just one between a free market, and a slightlyless-free market, but instead between a free market and smart new age socialist solutions. When asked what her greatest achievement was, Thatcher is reported to have responded with “New Labour”. Perhaps when asked a similar question, Shearer and Norman will be able to take credit for a new, modernsocialist version of left politics.

This precedent is exciting. A future government which isn’t afraid to break from the neoliberal paradigm in favour of helping the many is exactly the government that New Zealand needs, as poverty and unemployment grip the nation and climate change raises its head.

As many commentators and world leaders noted, Margaret Thatcher’s government changed Britain. Here’s hoping that the combination of Shearer and Norman can change New Zealand in a way that Maggie couldn’t—for the better.

NOTES FROM THE FOURTH ESTATE

By BSalient Hons (1st Class)

Bird's Eye View Inside Parliament, the marriageequality debate was always going to be a battle of the dinosaurs, given the House is comprised in large part of old white men.

For those of us under a certain age (aside from religio squares), it seemed crazy that gay couples couldn't already marry, and even more bizarre that so many members of the public thought there was some kind of gay scourge threatening to undermine their own marriages.

This was an issue about rights, about equality and—most of all—about love, that led dinosaurs to emerge on both sides of the debate.

By now, everyone knows that longtime National MP Maurice Williamson won the Bill’s final reading, burning opponents with lolz about rainbows and the gay onslaught. He may yet appear on Ellen Degeneres' TV show in the US, where hopefully he'll be asked about his flip-flop from opposing civil unions to supporting gay marriage, while claiming he's always voted liberally on conscience issues Other star National Party dinosaurs included Hunua MP Paul Hutchison, who decided to support the Bill just a day before the First Reading, and Chris Auchinvole—the star of the Second Reading whose clever questions and pro-equality stance surprised those sitting in on selectcommittee hearings.

ACT’s lonely John Banks also stood out: not for his oratory skills, but for a speech in which he explained how he’d changed his views since his rabid opposition to Homosexual Law Reform in 1986 to supporting gay

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marriage, without once saying sorry— sorry for calling the people affected by the legislation “perverts” and “sexual deviants”, sorry for calling the passage of the legislation nearly 30 years ago “a sad and sickening day for New Zealand”.

Over and above those dinosaurs, one stood out: New Zealand First leader Winston Peters who, instead of picking a side on the debate, pussied out by calling for a referendum and avoiding debating the actual issue.

It was an easy out for Peters and his ragtag team of muppets, but no surprise from a guy who voted against Homosexual Law Reform and Civil Unions and whose politics have aged no better than his double-breasted pinstripe suits.

One political numpty stood out more than the actual politicians, despite failing to get elected in 2011: Conservative Party leader Colin Craig, who showed money can't buy you a sense of humour when he took defamation action against satire site The Civilian over a fake article with fake quotes that he clearly thought were too similar to something he'd actually say.

It seems his media and legal teams failed to tell him he'd look like a complete knob when the matter inevitably hit headlines, so it didn't take long for Craig to drop his legal action and get back to his core business of putting out press releases that get zero media coverage.

To summarise: the parliamentary debate is over but life as we know it isn't, the squares will probably wave their pitchforks and whinge a bit longer about their vanilla marriages being undermined, while the rest of us can look forward to planning and attending big fat gay weddings.

T I C S

RIGHT Government powerless to stop the opposition’s shocking new policy

caption me!

By Freddie Hayek Last week, if you pricked up your ears at just the right moment, you might have heard an enormous crashing noise. This was the sound of nearly thirty years of mainstream political consensus about the New Zealand economy being torn apart.

Since 1984, Rogernomics, Ruthanasia and all that guff, the broad economic policies of the two major political parties in New Zealand have been the same. The market is supreme in public policy; Labour and National really only disagree on how much to ameliorate the failures of the market, at the margins. Labour, in it's desperation to regain power, has given into its baser instincts and retreated into their comfort zone of the hard left.

"HEY CLINT, __________ __________"

Send us your best caption for this picture to editor@salient.org.nz, subject line: 'Caption Contest', by 5 pm Thursday.

LAST WEEK'S WINNER Best caption wins a free coffee at:

"Don't look now John, but over your shoulder I've left 40 copies of my ass on the tray of the photocopier."

WINNER: Congratulations Vincent! We'll be in touch about that coffee.

they said what!? @jacindaardern If you're not out celebrating tonight Back Benches is on Prime at 10.30.

I'll be there-as in on the panel, not just hanging out with a G&T @JudithCollinsMP would you lefties please stop following me? Frankly, it's creepy. @PeterDunneMP Just seen clip of tieless PM at TRENZ - will a neck chain be next??? @GarethMP Struggling to find a witty response to #HeyClint Where's Clint when you need him?

This sharp break with the rational neoliberal consensus takes the form of the NZ Power policy. Labour, the initiate novices, have now joined long term recidivist economic criminals the Greens in concocting a particularly crazy policy. It goes a little something like this. If Labour and the Greens become the government in 2014, they will set up a new government agency to buy all power, and set the price of power for consumers. Apparently the average New Zealand family will save $300 and it will create 5000 “jobs.”* Now for the problems with this policy, in the least hysterical way possible. First, to be blunt, the money in your wallet.

Labour and the Greens will likely whack tax rates right back up, to pay for policies like this. What is the point in getting $300 off your power bill every year if you are paying $10002000 more a year in income tax annually?! Secondly, it is purely political. If Labour and the Greens were principled, they would have started talking about high power prices a year before the MRP float. It is target, brutal, economic sabotage.

They have wiped $500 Million dollars of the value of New Zealand energy companies off the share market. Don’t believe me? Google “Hey Clint”. Thirdly, it won’t work. Look at the graph I have left the link to at the bottom of this column** Following the much maligned Bradford reforms in 1997, power prices dropped and were trending down. Then, in 2000, Labour held a ministerial inquiry and partially re-regulated the market. Prices increased dramatically, and Labour in government was all too happy to accept the dividends, adding to Dr Cullen’s large budget surpluses. It is the grossest hypocrisy that they now rail against high prices they helped to create.

As for Grant Robertson saying that Labour has no plans to intervene in any other part of the economy…yeah right. *Government does not create jobs. It employs people using taxation, which is the wealth of the private sector. Government has no money of its own. **http://www.kiwiblog.co.nz/2013/03/bradford_voted_best_energy_minister.html

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~  CAMPUS DIGEST  ~

CAMPUS DIGEST The Hypothetical Government Club me, and then it’s just a matter of showing up to meetings and being cool.”

Salient meets Scott Daly, creator of Victoria's new Hypothetical Government Club.

Email: fezguyishawt@gmail.com

What is the Hypothetical Government Club?

“Essentially it’s governmental roleplaying. It’s like LARP-ing with governments; everyone pretends to be a minister or something like that and runs around and back stabs each other.”

Is it a different government each time?

“Yep. The first one we’re doing is a Roman Senate, and then we’re going to do one in space.”

Can people choose their own characters?

“Yeah, so with the senators they got to pick their own names and so forth. So there’s a guy whose character’s from the slums of Rome; he called himself ‘Colossal Clusterfuck’ in Latin.

Do you wear costumes?

“That’s undecided. I want them all to wear togas, but some of them might get self-conscious.”

5) Opinion on Cosmology?

1) What is your favourite form of breakfast food?

A) Shark intestine sammies B) Bacon with a side of bacon C)The grilled hearts of your enemies orphans D) Hodor 2) What activity do you fill your days with?

A) Trawling the undernet, seeking good deals on potent tox B) Disrupting inefficient government C) Impaling people D) Hodor 3) Who is your role model?

A) Anyone who can live without visits to the sim rooms B) The Founding Fathers, Jesus, Francis of Bacon C) Attila the Hun D) Hodor

Where did the idea come from?

“I used to play online, on a message board type thing. Most of them are Republicans, which is fun, because they’re all about nuking everyone.”

How easy is it for people to get involved?

“It’s stupidly easy—you just have to email

ask the magic 8 ball

Which hypothetical Government would YOU Run?

4) If you were to design a military force it would revolve around

I cited Wikipedia as my only source for my last essay. I'll still get an A+, right?

A) A force of scout subs and bombers, to threaten the enemy habs while protecting your own B) Something expensive with big boats, fast planes and tanks C) People with corkscrews for hands D) Hodor

A) Can’t see the stars from the depths, why bother thinking about them?

B) The only stars I concern myself with are the ones with stripes C) Cos-what?

D) I personally believe that there are thousands of universes on varying planes of existence, and that all these universes are contained within “Crystal Spheres” separated by phlostigon, matter that doesn’t exist on the material plane. Hodor.

If you answered primarily A You would do excellently in a dystopian underwater system.

If you answered primarily B Call up Ron Paul, you have a lot in common.

If you answered primarily C You would fit in perfectly with a Green dominated electorate.

If you answered primarily D Hodor.

McCourt gets tall poppy syndrome on ANZAC day Students make blunt requests on VUWSA's "How can life be better at Vic" inspiration board.

OUTLOOK GOOD

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~  CAMPUS DIGEST  ~

get amongst "the best" VUW Cupid:

YOU CAN'T MAKE ME YOU'RE NOT MY REAL DAD

#636 son tran, you sexy man beast. unf.

OMG VUW confessions: #436

Overheard @ Vic: Jason Lardner Overheard@Vic: Some absolutely appauling chat on the overbridge. How can a conversation be sustained for over half an hour on the topic of how to sneak 300 into a classical essay?

Every hot guy I pass at i wonder what our kids would look like and if theyd give me sperm LOL. Im lesbian but all i want is a child, if only.

Ashleigh Hume Written on a bathroom wall in SUB:

#428

Things I hate the most: 1) Vandalism 2) Irony 3) Lists

In the student health waiting room.. i'm not actually reading this magazine, i'm checking you out and hoping you don't have an STD.

Crystal Williamson

#426

Overheard waiting for the bus - guy to his mate: "dude did I tell you Rebecca dumped me?" mate: "why?" Guy: "I got drunk with my cat and fed it her goldfish".

If I'm alone whilst passing through Hugh-Mackenzie I secretly practice my Parseltounge on the tuataras.

Anthony Lim

I love to walk through the middle of an oncoming crowd and make them part like I'm fucking Moses.

Jonny Abbott Overheard@Vic: "No you cant pay your rent with coupons" Caryl Alyssa Route 47 bus driver, stopping at Kelburn campus: "Study hard now!"

8

You don’t an apple a day have to give up smoking alone If the thought of stopping smoking is a bit daunting remember you do not need to do it alone. The Student Health Service is available to provide support, discuss strategies and to prescribe treatments such as nicotine replacement therapy.

Make an appointment to see us - or come along to an Expo in the HUB this week, 12 to 2pm Monday through Friday.

Weekly health advice provided by the staff at Victoria’s Student Health, Student Counselling and Physiotherapy Services.

#429 lol, just masturbated with my flatmate's electric toothbrush. that'll teach him for drinking the rest of my milk

Overheard at the Hunter Lounge.

Someone get asked for ID for a Coca Cola.

Health tip #

GOING UP

Happy gays The sale of oats and coconuts

#422

#420 My friend and I went to the Hunter Lounge to get the 2 for 1 margherita pizza, and we were getting super psyched about it, but they'd run out.

So I ordered a hot chocolate and I stole the cup. And the teaspoon. Don't even regret it.

FOUND: Rampant 1D fan lurking in an office in Cotton.

The Vagina Monologues

GOING DOWN Colin Craig's sense of humour Rolf Harris' reputation

The value of Mighty River Power shares

Healthier campuses, cleaner air thwarted by construction debris  ◊ 17 ◊ 

 FEATURES 

Under the Big, Gay Rainbow How Marriage Equality put Parliament back together again

Yes, we’re talking gay marriage. By now, perhaps you are afflicted with a sort of gay exhaustion. You pick up the newspaper only to be hounded by yet another article on gay weddings, and even though you might be all for them, you might not be able to stop yourself from thinking is this how strapped for news we are? To you I say buck up and sit down, because the passing of the Marriage (Definition of Marriage) Amendment Bill is remarkable for a number of reasons, many of them not immediately apparent. Labour MP Louisa Wall, who sponsored the Bill, says that from the beginning, “We knew that unless we worked in a way that identified and consolidated support we wouldn’t have been able to achieve what we did.” But how was this possible? Can we look forward to more of it in the future?

Because that would be really quite nice.

By Patrick Hunn

The dissection of what has just happened is important because the Bill’s passage into law has been marked by one of the largest reactions in recent memory. Over 20,000 submissions were made to Parliament on the issue. During the readings of the Bill, spectators filled the galleries and spilled out into the streets. It would be very tricky to pay too much attention to this bill. But even more than that, this Bill has evoked in parliament a most unusual level of open cross-party communication and cooperation. Whether or not you think the Bill is a good thing isn’t the issue here. The debate has, for the most part, been sensible and civil, both words that you see very infrequently when talking politics.

Figuring out why would stand us in good stead for the future.

What’s more, the opinions of young people have been more organised, focussed and communicable than they have been in quite a long time. In a rare display of unity, for instance, the youth wings of National, Labour, Greens, ACT, Mana, United First, and the Māori Party all endorsed and actively supported the Bill, which is contrary to the usual vitriolic hysteria that seizes many when discussing hot issues.

Political commentator David Farrar points to the highly organised activities of these youth wings as being instrumental in dredging up support for the Bill, and argues that a strong culture for cooperation amongst the main youth wings was, to a degree, already in place.

“Four or five of the youth wings came together

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on the drinking age, so there had already been cooperation there. So when marriage equality came around, you already had a bit of a nucleus. Normally the number of issues the youth wings would agree on would be almost zero, because party activists tend to be… more extreme in their opinions than the average voters or even some MPs. The young Nats tend to believe in absolute [economic] freedom, Young Labour tend to be much more socialist, the young Greens are eco-warriors, Act on Campus believe Ayn Rand should be made Queen.” But even more than this, Farrar believes that young people on the whole have a very different relationship with politics than people of an older generation. “What was reinforced so strongly by this Bill, and what I think had quite a big impact on MPs, was that

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when you look at all the polls this is not an issue for people under 30. To be honest, it isn’t an issue for people under 60… Homosexual Law Reform would have occurred [for those people] around the age of 45. Almost everyone has gay friends, or at least friends of friends, and they just don’t see why their friends can’t get married.” So, Farrar says, the unified front presented by the youth wings served as a reminder for what he believes is a shift in the way younger people interact with politics. “…Young people on a range of social issues are much more liberal.” For instance, “I think if you actually ever tackled the issue of drug reform I suspect you could get all of the youth wings pretty much agreeing that the current criminalisation approach is a dated idea. I think that there is a trend amongst younger people where… you can disagree vehemently on the economic issues, but there isn’t such a thing on those social issues.”

What is interesting here is that this sort of cooperative behavior only seems to be really kosher in cases of social policy, where a moral impetus is what drives decision making.

Matters of economic decision making are treated in a much more regimented, acerbic way. Farrar describes this shift as rooted in history. “The post-Rogernomics generation are less tribal. [For] those who went through the Rogernomics revolution it was a pretty polarising thing. You went from total command economy under Muldoon to some of the most free-market reforms, and it pushed people to extremes. To a degree I think that most of the younger generation aren’t as interested in that debate. I think the younger MPs have been reflecting that a wee bit.”

National MP Nikki Kaye, who was hugely vocal in her support of the Bill, doesn’t think that this sort of cooperation is necessarily limited to conscience issues. Rather, it’s difficult for the public to see what happens behind the scenes. “At a Select Committee level, there is often a huge amount of work that goes on behind the scenes, and the public don’t always see that. My understanding is that there is a move to broadcast Select

Committees, which will allow New Zealanders to see some of that cross-party work.”

this (impetus) that was unstoppable in the end.” Right on, right on.

“I have a strong LGBT community in Auckland Central. I called for… Pride Festival to come back to Auckland. I’ve also worked with [Green Party MP] Kevin Hague on an adoption bill that he has in the ballot. So it was pretty natural for me to build relationships with Louisa and Kevin on this bill.

But what, if anything, does this mean for the future? Farrar has one answer. “Does it mean love and hugs in the future? The main spokesperson for the Campaign for Marriage Equality is Conrad Reyners, who is also very prominent in the Labour Party, and after celebrating the success of the Bill we all ended up at McDonald’s. And as he’s about to leave he goes ‘I guess I have to go back to calling you a fascist bastard now,’ and I was like ‘yeah, and you’re a Communist and a traitor.’” Indeed, love unites us all.

“When you have an adversarial political system where you get policy through by rubbishing the other side you aren’t going to get great change.” What’s more, Farrar reminds us that it is not appropriate to get too “polyamorous”. “The Prime Minister deciding to back marriage equality was very significant. Not necessarily to change the final result, but the fact that it gave a lot of National MPs room to move, and you didn’t see any National MPs do this massive, emotional campaign against it in the way you did see with civil unions, prostitution reform, and the Homosexual Law Reform. It’s pretty amazing that only three National MPs voted for civil unions.”

“I think that Parliament does have a proud history around conscience issues, and that more cross-party work happens around conscience

"Almost everyone has gay friends, or at least friends of friends, and they just don’t see why their friends can’t get married." issues. I also worked on the purchase-age issue; I had an amendment originally on keeping the age at 18, so I’ve had some other experience of working cross-party.”

Wall is thankful for the support of Victoria University students in particular. “I just want to thank the [Victoria University] student membership for being so willing to take a leadership role and for being proactive in [their] advocacy. Some of the other student unions weren’t as active. It was only through that action—people being really clear about why they were supporting the Bill, young people being part of the original march to Parliament—that created

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Wall is more optimistic. “I think that actually there will be other opportunities for us to work in such a collaborative manner. So I am hoping that this becomes in some way a model of best practice that we can all look to.” Wall does, however, acknowledge, much like Farrar, that there are systematic characteristics of the political process that limit the scope for this sort of cooperation.

“The major problem is that it is very hard to collaborate around Government bills, because each politician will have a different idea about what the problem and the solution are. That’s what happens in politics: you have a competition of ideas, and a competition of priorities. So context is very important, particularly with this Bill.”

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Queer did the time go?

By Phillipa Webb

1867

1893

1961

Last Deaths Homosexual acts were punishable by death until the offences Against the Person Act 1867 which changed the penalty from execution to life imprisonment. James Pratt and John Smith were the last people in the British realm to be be executed under the Buggery Act 1533.

1996

Girls on Top

1999

Transsexual Power

2004

United

2006

Gay Adoption

2012

Louisa’s Marriage Bill

2013

Put a Ring on It

Buggery The Criminal Code 1893 classed ‘buggery’ or sodomy as a crime against morality, making it punishable by life imprisonment, whipping, flogging and hard labour. This remained New Zealand law for 68 years.

No life imprisonment The Crimes Act 1961 removed the term of life imprisonment for sodomy, but all legal sanctions against homosexual activity remained. The law change sparked the homosexual rights movements throughout the 1960s and 70s.

1986

Legalising Sex

1981

Man to Man

1993

Gay Power

1994

Transsexual Marriage

1867

Tick for Same-Sex

The Homosexual Law Reform Act was passed, legalising consensual sex between men aged 16 and older. The Act was introduced by Labour MP at the time Fran Wilde, the current Chair of the Wellington Regional Council.

The first gay newspaper Man to Man began publication.

The Human Rights Act made it legal for lesbians, gay men and bisexuals to serve in the New Zealand military, “officially” ending most forms of employment discrimination. Labour MP for Te Atatu Chris Carter was also elected as the country’s first openly gay MP.

The New Zealand High Court ruled that postoperative transsexuals can put a ring on it.

New Zealand census forms are amended to include same-sex couples as an option.

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Openly lesbian twin sisters Jools and Lynda Topp—known as the Topp Twins—got their own comedy television series in New Zealand.

Georgina Beyer was elected as New Zealand’s first transsexual MP as the Labour Party’s candidate for the Wairarapa.

The Civil Union Bill passed, establishing civil unions for same-sex couples. It extended into law as an Act in 2005, with almost 3000 couples having them since.

Green list MP Metiria Turei raised the issue of gay adoption, arguing that New Zealand's Adoption Act 1955 no longer reflected the complexities of contemporary New Zealand society. She argued, following the enactment of the Civil Union Act in particular, that eligible lesbian and gay prospective parents should be allowed to legally adopt. At present, Green list MP Kevin Hague has taken over this member's bill, which is has yet to be drawn from the ballot.

Labour MP Louisa Wall introduced the Marriage (Definition of Marriage) Amendment Bill as a private member’s bill, which would allow same-sex couples to marry. It was submitted to the members’ bill ballot on 30 May, drawn on 26 July and passed its first reading later in August. John Key became the first New Zealand Prime Minister to openly support marriage equality, stating “If two gay people want to get married I can’t see why it would undermine my marriage with Bronagh.”

In March, Wall's Marriage Amendment Bill passed its second reading 77 votes to 44, despite a drop in support of three votes from the First Reading. The Bill passed its final reading in Parliament, again by 77 votes to 44, making New Zealand the 13th country to legalise marriage equality.

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They’re Here, They’re Queer, We’re Used to it.

Two weeks ago, 77 MPs voted to end formal discrimination against gays in New Zealand.

Passage of the Marriage (Definition of Marriage) Amendment Act 2013 reflects society’s changing opinions of people in same-sex relationships; hateful bigotry is giving way to loving acceptance. The gay identity was forged out of a struggle against past oppression and marginalisation—will this cohesion survive now that the fight for equality is won?

What does the gay identity look like in a world that is more accepting of gays?

By Cam Price and Duncan McLachlan

The heavens opened on the night that New Zealand became the 13th country to legally recognise same-sex marriage. Contrary to the religious zealots’ claims that God would rain down hellfire on our sinful lawmakers, all that precipitated was some much-needed drizzle. The drought afflicting our nation had come to an end, and so too had the plague of legal discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation. You can’t have the (big, gay) rainbow without the rain, after all.

As the public gallery was full, a number of people viewed the debate—somewhat fittingly—from Parliament’s Spouses’ Room. Des Smith and John Jolliff, the first gay couple to have their relationship recognised by the state with a civil union, were among the congregation. Seeing an 83 year old man break down in tears because his love for his partner of three decades was no longer considered ugly would be

enough to warm even the coldest and most ambivalent of hearts. There was a sense that politicians had uncovered an essential truth, and had done so by transcending the antagonistic point-scoring of politics.

The anti-gay edifice is crumbling.

Everywhere you look, countries are coming out in support of gay marriage. France has just legalised it. In Ireland’s recent Constitutional Convention, 79 per cent of those questioned supported altering their constitution to allow for same-sex marriage.

The biggest issue MPs in the UK are faced with is how the law might affect succession to the throne (because heaven forbid a King who’s also a queen). The Chief Justice of the US Supreme Court, during the hearing for a case currently before the court addressing the constitutionality of same-sex unions, sardonically observed that “political figures are falling over themselves to

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endorse [gay marriage].” The battles aren’t yet over, but the war is won and it’s the gays who are firmly on top.

Gay marriage is a manifestation of society’s slow but inexorable march toward social acceptance of people who are different to us. They’re here, they’re queer, we’re used to it. The maturation of our views on homosexuality has come about as a result of the greater prominence of gay people in society. The ubiquitous gay characters on our screens teach us that gays aren’t the evil monsters they were once made out to be. Green MP Kevin Hague, who sat on the Select Committee for the Bill, argues that “people like Cameron and Mitchell from Modern Family have done us an enormous service in providing a model of a gay couple who are just like everyone else”. More and more brave young men and women are having the awkward ‘coming out’

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The biggest issue MPs in the UK are faced with is how the law might affect succession to the throne (because heaven forbid a King who’s also a queen). conversation with their family and friends who are in turn coming out in support of the right to marry.

Our generation has a particular fondness for the idea that the activities people take part in while pursuing their own happiness are of no concern to us so long as they aren’t hurting anyone. See our liberal stance on marijuana legalisation. The social construct of gender is becoming more fluid, and increasing numbers of generally heterosexual people are realising that they’re a little bit gay and that that’s all right. It would be wrong and naïve to say that homophobia no longer exists. There’s still a long way to go. But we all rightly take it as a given that the future is a far friendlier place.

For people like Des Smith however, it hasn’t always been this way. “In the staid society that existed prior to the social upheaval of the swinging sixties,” he says, “homosexuality was treated as a kind of sexual deviancy.” Unable to openly express their love for fear of being prosecuted, gays were forced to lead a double life: polishing a veneer of heterosexuality by day, cruising public toilets and gay saunas by night.

Portrayals of homosexuality in the media were contemptuous; even the usually liberal Time Magazine described the lifestyle as “a pathetic little second-rate substitute for reality, a pitiable flight from life.” The invisible minority fell victim to society’s tendency to push a group to the margins and then hate them for being there.

Then the revolution came. The writings of prominent gays such as Gore Vidal and Truman Capote conveyed to the general public the basic humanity of

homosexual relationships. Two people of the same sex weren’t just sharing a bed, they were sharing love. Tired of being marginalised, and spurred on by the successes of women’s and black rights groups, a dormant political force emerged.

Previously disaffected by and disinterested in the political process, queers realized they could stick it to the man by beating him at his own game. The Stonewall Riots of 1969 showed gays would no longer take discrimination lying down. It wasn’t long before the gay-rights movement had their very own political hero and martyr in Harvey Milk, who was to gays what Martin Luther King Jr was to blacks; Milk became the gay MLK. It’s true that no man is an island, and in forming our identity we look to people and ideas that we can identify with, as well as those we can define ourselves against. As gays bonded over the shared bondage they were subject to at the hands of the conservative establishment, a community emerged. Just as people who feel shunned by society join gangs in search of acceptance, young gay men and women rejected by their families formed a family of their own. The formation of the gay identity, then, is a tale of a struggle against an oppressive majority.

But once the vitriolic bigotry dissolves and gives way to open acceptance, will the bonds of solidarity forged in reaction to that hatred survive? Is a distinct gay identity necessary any longer? Ironically, it is their acceptance by the mainstream—the goal from the very beginning—that will remove the necessity for gays to have their own separate and distinct culture. Once

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the sexual difference becomes accepted and valued, it ceases to be important. Gay assimilation will replace the separate-butequal status quo. When it is no longer ‘us’ against ‘them’, does the ‘us’ become redundant?

The disintegration of a distinct collective gay identity will counterintuitively prove to be a good thing for gay individuals. In order to become a serious political force, the movement formed a united group, claiming to represent the interests and views of all gays. It prescribed a set of criteria for what it meant to be gay. Hague explains that “we confined ourselves to a gay ghetto of a narrow range of stereotypes and created for ourselves just a bigger closet.” For homosexuals who didn’t fit the stereotypes embraced and promulgated by the movement, this was a problem. Bruce Bawer, writer of the seminal gay culture book A Place at the Table: The Gay Individual in American Society explains that the movement “insisted that gays who, say, wanted to join the military, or attend church, or who lived in committed relationships were aping the straight majority and betraying the queer nation, probably because they were ‘self-hating’ or ‘sex-negative’ or both.” It’s conveniently dropped down the memory hole that “in 1993 virtually all of the leaders of the gay political establishment were fiercely opposed to the idea of gay marriage, and they vilified as sellouts those of us who supported it.” Something is wrong when a minority discriminates against those among them who just want to be accepted by the majority.

As homosexuality becomes less homogenous, a number of changes will occur. The primacy of sexuality in a person’s self-discovery and self-assertion will cease to be the most important aspect of their personality. When sexuality is no longer the focus, other parts of an individual’s life will bloom in importance and expression. This change can already be seen in the rise of numerous gay subcultures. The ‘straight-acting gay’ (the

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It wasn’t long before the gay rights movement had their very own political hero and martyr in Harvey Milk, who was to gays what Martin Luther King Jr was to blacks; Milk became the gay MLK. guy you tell your friends is “gay, but you’d never know it”) no longer faces persecution at the hands of the gay community who dislike people who don’t conform to their idea of a gay person.

The narrative of self-hatred will be silenced. In an effort to portray themselves as marginalised victims, the gay community has made a big deal of the fact that gays can’t choose their sexuality. But “It’s not my fault I’m gay” implicitly presupposes that gayness is indeed a fault. It is helpless, euphemistic shorthand for “If only I could choose to be straight.” Science has known for a long time that people aren’t born gay or straight. Two identical twins can share exactly the same genetic material but be attracted to exactly opposite sexes. It is likely that some genes mean a person is predisposed to being gay and sexuality is therefore determined by both nature and nurture, but what does it matter where gayness comes from? Even if it was a choice, gay people should be able to proudly say they chose it.

The erosion of the barrier between gay and mainstream culture will affect straight people too. Straights will no longer have to worry about whether their red shirt makes them look gay, or whether their peers will call them faggot or poof for performing in the school musical. Hague agrees: “Homosexuality will stop being seen as such a threat to masculinity and there is evidence of this happening already, such as the implementation and success of queerstraight alliances in schools.”

Sex-positivist views will become the norm in society. It’s true that many gay men have a lot of sex with a lot of people, but this isn’t a deviant gay trait, it’s a male trait. If the average female sex drive was as strong as the average male’s, straights would be having more sex with more people too. It’s also true that pursuing intercourse over loving relationships is a direct result of being denied the ability to do so. Ignorance as to how gay people even have sex (it can be done face-to-face) may finally abate and with it the perception that homosexual sex is devoid of love.

The institution of marriage will continue to evolve. It’s come a long way from its origins as a transferral of ownership of a woman by her family to her new husband.

It’s ceased to be a religious construct, and is now a secular enterprise in which the state recognises the importance of the relationship to the two parties and rewards the commitment they have made with certain legal rights. Same-sex marriage will merely result in more people throwing fabulous weddings, rejuvenating and adding a certain romanticism.

None of this is to say that there will no longer be a gay culture. Gay men and women will retain certain bonds and traits as a result of their shared understanding of the experiences, issues and relationships unique to their sexuality. There will always be an opposition to rally against; ignorance and homophobia will continue to exist.

But they’re called homophobes because they’ve got something to fear. In many cases, extreme anti-gay sentiment is the result of repressed feelings. As Shakespeare put it in King Lear, the policeman who lashes the whore has a hot need to use her for the very offence for which he plies the lash. Equipped with this knowledge, and with support from heterosexual allies, gays will overcome.

Cultures evolve. In a more accepting world, the need for homosexuals to band together to fight a common foe dissipates, and so too does their collective spirit. But this should be welcomed. When identities seek recognition by society they become exclusive and intransigent. The lives of those who don’t fit the bill are made worse.

Once gay culture becomes gay cultures—or better still, just plain old cultures—that straight jacket is removed. “Gayness” alone will cease to tell you very much about an individual. The distinction between gay and straight culture will become so blurred, fractured, and so intermingled that it may be more helpful not to examine them separately at all. And if that means fewer floral shirts, so be it.

In a more accepting world, the need for homosexuals to band together to fight a common foe dissipates, and so too does their collective spirit. But this should be welcomed.

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 FEATURES 

State of

the Union Is New Zealand still the Nation of Two Halves?

It was at the end of Foreskin’s Lament, Greg McGee’s monumental 1981 play about rugby and identity, that Foreskin, well, gave his lament. The last six lines repeated the one question: “Whaddarya?” It was addressed to the audience, but could just as easily apply to all New Zealand.

With Anzac Day’s recent passing, now is as good a time as any to reflect on where New Zealand identity stands today. So, New Zealand, whaddarya? Still a man’s country of “rugby, racing and beer”, or a bunch of soccer-watching,* Chardonnay-swilling pussies?

By Nick Fargher

Whether we like it or not, in New Zealand, rugby is inescapable. Our TV screens are full of the All Blacks advertising everything from Up&Go to Rexona deodorant; our billboards are plastered with Dan Carter pouting in his Jockeys; and our newspapers breathlessly tell us all about our All Blacks’ latest indiscretions. It is even said that All Blacks matches can have a profound effect on election results—National’s 2011 triumph was, supposedly, at least partly helped by a surge of World-Cup-related national pride.

But how did it come to this? And is rugby really still that important today? In order to answer these questions, we must first take a look at the long and storied history of rugby union in this fine land.

Let’s start from the start: sadly, the creation story, in which an English schoolboy named William Webb Ellis picked up the ball during a game of football in 1823 and ran with it, is almost certainly fictional.

But in any case, rugby union had emerged as a distinct sport in England by 1895, the year in which the rugby-league schism took place, and by which time the various forms of football played in the mid-1800s had developed into separate codes, the most notable other one being soccer. At this stage, rugby in England was an upper-class game, played by boys in public schools (the equivalent of our private schools), where it, along with cricket, was used as a way of instilling discipline and building character in the future elites.

New Zealand rugby, while mostly free of such strong class connotations, in many ways  ◊ 26 ◊ 

developed in parallel with English rugby. The variety of different ball games played here only really became codified as rugby union after the establishment of the New Zealand Rugby Football Union (today’s NZRU) in 1892. But the genesis of rugby’s crucial role in New Zealand identity lies in the fabled Originals tour, in 1905.

The first New Zealand national rugby team to tour outside Australasia unexpectedly swept all before them, winning 34 out of 35 games against the national teams of Scotland, Ireland, England, Wales and France, as well as various British and Canadian provincial teams. The newly christened ‘All Blacks’ became national heroes, Prime Minister Richard Seddon hailing these “stalwart and athletic sons” as proof of the benefits of life in the colonies.

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To a certain extent, 1905 can be said to be the start of a growing sense of ‘New-Zealand-ness’, but it was decades at least before a New Zealand identity, as distinct from a British one, took hold.

In the meantime, rugby blossomed, becoming the sport of choice for New Zealand males.

It brought communities together, arguably fostering a sense of fair play and egalitarianism which persists in modern conceptions of New Zealand identity. And at the same time, the All Blacks continued their winning ways over the decades, their mystique growing ever greater. Thus, the primarily male team game of rugby became increasingly intertwined with a burgeoning pride in our New-Zealandness, in much the same way, for example, that ice hockey has for Canadians, cricket has for Indians or Australians, or ‘threatening nuclear warfare’ has for North Koreans.

in their thousands, famously stopping two matches in Hamilton and Auckland from taking place, and disrupting others. The stark (and often violent) divide between pro- and anti-tour elements ensured that rugby lost much of its popularity in subsequent years.

national sport: the 2011 World Cup final was the most-watched TV event in New Zealand history (over 2 million people watched), and while rows of empty seats are a common sight in stadiums around the country, any All Blacks game is a guaranteed sell-out.

However, Macdonald suggests that the events of 1981 did not diminish but in fact reinforced rugby’s importance. If the issue had been, for example, playing badminton with South Africa, it is hard to imagine the reaction being quite so vehement. Quite simply, rugby mattered that much to us. And in any case, New Zealand’s love of rugby was restored when the All Blacks won the inaugural World Cup on home soil in 1987.

As Victoria Associate Professor of Psychology Marc Wilson explains, “several decades of research” indicates that “we particularly value identities that make us different from others”, and that we attach some of our self-esteem to “the groups and things with which we identify”.

Just like the examples above, New Zealanders value rugby as part of our national identity because we are so damn good at it; this (along with Māori culture) is our point of difference from the rest of the world.

eggs in our national-

Perhaps a more pertinent issue is whether rugby can maintain its importance in an increasingly multicultural society. New Zealanders of Pacific Island descent have certainly made their mark in the game of rugby—Jonah Lomu, anyone?—and are overrepresented in the ranks of rugby players, but it’s worth asking whether rugby can appeal to Asian New Zealanders** and other relatively recent immigrants, who are becoming increasingly prominent in New Zealand. Despite comprising 9.2 per cent of the population in the 2006 Census, Asian New Zealanders make up just 6.6 per cent of all rugby players here, and zero per cent of professional ones.

We have “relatively few

identity basket”, as Wilson delightfully puts it— without rugby, what else would we have?

Any other sports team, national or otherwise, would kill to have the All Blacks’ current all-time winning percentage of 75.5 per cent, and since the introduction of the International Rugby Board’s official world rankings in September 2003, the All Blacks have been ranked first for nearly three-quarters of the time, including continuously since November 2009. They also—you may have noticed—won the most recent World Cup in 2011. No wonder then, that they are such a dominant part of the national psyche. This is compounded by the fact that we have “relatively few eggs in our national-identity basket”, as Wilson delightfully puts it—without rugby, what else would we have?

Some would also argue that the growing popularity of other sports in New Zealand has diminished rugby’s importance. In recent years, the number of schoolchildren playing soccer has for the first time overtaken those playing rugby.

Rugby league is increasingly gaining a foothold, especially in Auckland. Regardless, neither sport has overtaken rugby in terms of importance to our national identity. The All Whites have qualified for two World Cups in their history— in 1982 and 2010. Both times, their ‘heroic’ efforts were hailed as signs that soccer’s time had come, and that rugby would wither away.

Of course, one could argue that rugby, at least in the last few decades, has lost some of its allure for New Zealanders. It has generally been a unifying force in the past; but, with the 1981 Springbok tour of New Zealand, the climax of over 30 years of controversy around sporting contacts with apartheid-era South Africa, rugby became for the first time, in the words of Victoria Professor of History Charlotte Macdonald, “a point of division and dissent”.

Protesters took to the streets and the stadiums

But frankly, it goes without saying that the All Whites, currently ranked 86th-equal in the world, losing all three games in 1982 and scraping three gutsy draws in 2010, and the Kiwis rugbyleague team, forever in second-place to the Kangaroos (occasional upsets aside), utterly pale in comparison to the All Blacks. It goes back to Wilson’s idea that for us to value something as a part of our New Zealand identity, it must be a point of difference from the rest of the world.

And we overwhelmingly value rugby, a truly  ◊ 27 ◊ 

Of course, rugby wants to compete for these new loyalties, as do other sports, in terms of attracting people to both watch and play the game. We may not see an Asian All Black for some time yet, and soccer may continue to grow in popularity, but Macdonald describes the “interesting contradiction” like this: “You’ve got more people playing [soccer], but we’re not very good at it. You’ve got fewer people playing [rugby], but we’re supremely good at it. What’s going to be the one that you want to be proud of ?” Ultimately, no matter what ethnicity you are, what matters in sport is winning—an art the All Blacks have perfected. Until we have good reason to be prouder of our efforts in some other sport, until we get a bigger national self-esteem boost from the All Whites or Kiwis than the All Blacks, rugby will remain at the heart of New Zealand identity.

And so, it is fitting that the last word is left to Tupper, the grizzled old coach in Foreskin’s Lament, and his still-apt description of rugby’s importance in our identity. Just substitute ‘New Zealand’ for ‘the town’: “This is a team game, son, and the town is the team. It’s the town’s honour at stake when the team plays, god knows there’s not much else around here.”

*Before anyone complains: yes, I know it’s properly called ‘football’ rather than ‘soccer’. I hate it when people call it ‘soccer’ too. But for the sake of absolute clarity, especially for non-fans, ‘soccer’ is the term I will use henceforth. **The ‘Asian’ in ‘Asian New Zealanders’ refers, in this context, to all Asians, including those from the Indian subcontinent.

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PāKEHā OR NZ EUROPEAN: THE WHITE CHOICE?

By Alexandra Hollis

I once asked my mother, in a non-birds-andbees kind of way, where I come from. I don’t know what I expected; some etchings of a Welsh hamlet perhaps, or an explanation of the vast history of our family, detailing their lives in thatch-roofed cottages in the English countryside. Instead I was told that I come from “a long line of white colonising bastards and let’s leave it at that.” But, this being the ‘Identity’ issue, let’s not. Because while I might be descended from white colonising bastards, as a white New Zealander I’ve always been Pākehā.

If you’re white you probably put your ethnicity down as ‘New Zealand European’ in the last census. I know I did: it was the only option and I was too lazy to tick ‘other’ and then write down ‘Pākehā.’ But now I’m kind of regretting that. While 67 per cent of New Zealanders called themselves ‘New Zealand European’ in the 2006 census, I don’t think it’s necessarily the best term to use.

Although ‘New Zealand European’ is the preferred term among most white New Zealanders, its use is contentious. “I think we should be using Te Reo terms where

I was told that I come from “a long line of white colonising bastards and let’s leave it at that.” possible,” argues self-labelled Pākehā Eve Kennedy: “the inclusion of European is stupid because it means we identify as Europeans living in New Zealand [as

opposed to just New Zealanders].” While ‘New Zealand European’ has that postcolonial element of identifying that white New Zealanders aren’t originally from here, it is also less inclusive. It implies that all white New Zealanders hail directly from Europe, which is often not the case. For those who do, the distant European part of their ancestry becomes equally as important as their identity as New Zealanders, which is problematic for families who have been here for generations.

‘Pākehā,’ has its etymological basis in the British colonisation of New Zealand (and no, despite the common myth, it isn’t used derogatorily), so using this has the same post-colonial effect as using ‘New Zealand European’. But more than this, as a Te Reo term its use also indicates a general New Zealand culture and our place in it, rather than one which is segregated into Māori and Europeans. New Zealand was originally a Maori land, and in terms of honouring its history it seems fitting to identify our place in its culture by using Te Reo words.

But, really, why should we care? Surely the ideals of a post-modern, post-colonial, posttumblr society forgo labelling altogether: is this kind of categorisation just another way to discriminate via perpetuatting “otherness”?

Or maybe you really, really want everyone to know that your great-grandfather was from England but don’t have any outlet for this other than cheering for the English in the Rugby World Cup. Is promoting ‘Pākehā’ over ‘New Zealand European’ going to stop this?

It’s one thing to be proud of your heritage, but it’s another thing to abandon a more general ‘New Zealand’ heritage in favour of emphasising a European identity that

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few of us have. If your family’s been living in New Zealand for more than three generations and you don’t even qualify for a foreign passport, ‘New Zealand European’ is less representative of your heritage than

It’s less about 'otherness' and more about 'togetherness.'

‘Pakeha,’ because you have a stronger cultural link to New Zealand than to Europe.

I also prefer Pākehā as a general term which can be applied to any non-Māori New Zealanders, even recent immigrants: my grandparents, born-and-bred Brits, use it to describe themselves.

The rationale behind choosing ‘Pākehā’ rather than ‘New Zealand European’ has to do with recognising your history as a white person. This is important worldwide, but is most pertinent in places with a colonial history. Some 170 years post Treaty of Waitangi, there’s still incredible racial inequality: calling yourself Pākehā is saying that you recognise Māori culture as integral to New Zealand culture. In a small way, this privileges Māori culture over a ‘European’ white settler mentality. It’s less about 'otherness' and more about 'togetherness.'

While this can seem like tokenism, any gesture towards a more inclusive New Zealand culture matters in some way.

Which all boils down to: check yo privilege.

And stop pretending to be Scandinavian.

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Being Māori

By Julia Whaipooti

Kia ora Ko Hikurangi te Maunga Ko Waiapu te awa Ko Ngāti Porou te iwi Ko Julia toku ingoa What does it mean to be Māori in 2013?

Well, I can’t tell you that. I don’t speak for all Māori. We’re a diverse people and come in so many flavours. But I can tell you what it’s like for me to live and breathe in this space and time in my life.

I should probably give you all a sample of what kind of flavours I am. I am one of five siblings, born in Gisborne, lived half my life in Australia, moved back with my whānau to Blenheim where I finished college, and am now in my fifth and final year studying in Wellington. I am an aunty; I am a student; I am a rugby coach; I am a chocolate lover; I am me and those that walked before me and those that will walk after…

I am well-qualified to tell you how it feels to be Māori in my pockets of today’s Aotearoa.

I feel privileged, hopeful, inspired, cynical, realistic, defensive, empowered, heavy, hungry—but what I am today, tomorrow and forevermore is proud. I am proud to be who I am: Māori. It’s a knowledge and gift I hold today, but I can’t say that it has always been this way.

It was hard for me to sit in my Criminal Law class and feel proud to be Māori. Sitting in a classroom, one of less than a handful of Māori students, listening to so many non-Māori talk about Māori people as perpetrators of all types of criminal offending in a detached kind of way was hard. I walked out of those classes feeling ashamed, disempowered and uncomfortable without really knowing why— except that it had something to do with the fact that I am Māori.

At least I had my whānau away from home; Ngā Rangahautira, our Māori Law Students' Association, to go and re-centre myself after classes like that. Sometimes, when I’m in an environment where being me is uncomfortable, the best thing is to go to a place where I’m surrounded by people like me. If you have never been in a time and space where you’ve felt that way, I hope you can recognise the privilege in that.

If you have never been in a time and space where you’ve felt uncomfortable simply because of who you are, I hope you can recognise the privilege in that.

It’s well known that Māori are overrepresented in tonnes of negative statistics. When stereotypes of Māori are built from the images pushed by our news and media reports it’s hard to blame people for their ignorance—but it’s also hard not to feel heavy and saddened at the predominant image that is painted and subscribed to.

Being Māori has nothing to do with the images you see or read in the news. Gangs;

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drugs; alcohol; violence; supposed Treaty 'gravy trains'; welfare and whatever other compelling errant images painted does not a Māori make.

I recently spent a weekend away in Tauranga with about 30 young Māori from all over Aotearoa as part of Te Rārangatira. We had all the flavours of the world; mamas, papas, students, youth workers, singers, songwriters, lawyers, lecturers, health workers, artists and so much more. And we were all Māori doing awesome things. I left that weekend feeling so inspired and so proud to be me.

But in my world I’m also surrounded by so many awesome non-Māori. Pākehā who see issues that affect Māori as actually being issues that affect them. Being part of the whānau in JustSpeak makes me proud to be me. JustSpeak is a group of young New Zealanders who are inspired to address issues in our criminal justice system—the biggest issue being the fact that Māori comprise over half of our prison population. In this kaupapa I’m surrounded by heaps of non-Māori who see this as an injustice that affects them.

So what is the future for Māori? When I think of all the awesome people in my life doing awesome things in their lives, the future looks stunning. But I’m not blind to the fact that the hardships in our history that flow on to our present and future make it hard to be hopeful.

When I see so many lonely warriors who have been pushing the rock alone discovering each other and pushing together, I see us moving forward. It doesn’t have to be fast, but it does need to be forward.

I once heard a wise man say that the best thing that we as Māori can do for Māori is to be the best at what we do—whatever that may be. I don’t know what that is yet, but I want to be part of making our tomorrow better than our yesterday.

YOUR STUDENTS’

ASSOCIATION

your students' association

THE McCOURT REPORT VUWSA President Rory McCourt

Kia ora, and welcome back from the mid-trimester break! I hope yours was relaxing and enjoyable. Mine was good, although it's pretty annoying that the break was split in two this year. I spent some time in Gisborne, where I'm from, and laid a wreath on behalf of Vic students at the Wellington Civic ANZAC Service on Thursday. I also had a chance to catch up with friends who were still struggling with StudyLink coming through.

Maybe you think we should have more events, a better orientation, or shorter Student Health lines. Whatever you think, have your say.

This feedback has a huge impact on the way we plan and which services we back. By the way, in appreciation for your feedback all completed surveys will go in the draw to win one of 20 $100 New World vouchers or one of two iPads.

A big part of Government and Vic's identity is being willing to improve. It's about admitting when stuff is less than ideal, and committing to putting it right. Madonna said: “No matter who you are, no matter what you did, no matter where you've come from, you can always change, become a better version of yourself.” My mum says it's easier “when you have access to $50,000 surgery, skank”.

One of them hasn't received her student allowance in seven weeks, and after a barracking from her dad, StudyLink is finally coming through and is back-paying her $2500. My flatmate's been dicked around too. His weekly payment has changed three times, and they're still short-changing him his accommodation supplement. His allowance, which he is legally entitled to, was declined the first time. Why? Because they needed an extra document they didn't tell him to supply. This really isn't good enough. Students depend on a reliable StudyLink to pay essential bills like rent and power. I know Vic students who have borrowed just to get through. It's pretty bleak.

The fact is that this has been the worst year on record for StudyLink non-actions. Non-actions are when bits of the application process aren't done, resulting in those 'lost document' letters, falsely declined applications and crushingly slow approvals. StudyLink likes to boast that the number of dropped calls are down, but that's no good if when you get through the important stuff doesn't get done. We're over a quarter way through the year, and too many of our friends are still without their loans, allowances and living costs. Thats's why we've given StudyLink a big fat D for their efforts this year.

Definitely room for improvement.

In other news, there's a great opportunity coming up to have your say on our student services at Vic, and how they can be improved.

We've got some pretty great services at Vic, like the Rec Centre, Health, Counselling and Disability Services. The managers and their staff work really hard to provide you with the best student experience possible. They work just as hard to get even better at what they do. The Student Experience Improvement Survey link will be emailed to you on Tuesday 30 April. This survey lets the University know which services you value, use, and how they can be more accessible, efficient or expanded in some way.

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NGAI TAUIRA Equity Officer

Nāu mai hoki mai e te whānau. No doubt assignments and assessments have been dominating your time recently, so in case you’ve been isolated from the outside world, here are a couple of notices regarding issues impacting on Māori.

By Matthew Ellison, Equity Officer

Though it’s been two weeks since it passed, we want to acknowledge the momentous occasion in New Zealand history when the Government finally recognised the legitimacy of same-sex love, passing Louisa Wall’s Marriage (Definition of Marriage) Amendment Bill, removing legal discrimination of the right for people to marry whomever they choose. Ngā mihi nui ki a Louisa o te Pāti Reipa, nōu tēnei take i kawe kia tūwhera te ara mō ngā uri whakatipu, tēnei te mihi mōu, tēnā koe.

And here we are in the second half of the semester. I hope everyone’s feeling well-rested after the break, and ready to get back into things. I’m here to let you know about all the ways VUWSA and Victoria work to promote equality for students, and ways for you to get involved.

The Equity Officer position was created, following VUWSA’s governance review last year, as a way of facilitating representation through the rep-group structure. While clubs now fall under the University’s administration, VUWSA has retained representative groups, such as UniQ (for queer students), the Women’s Group (to promote women’s issues), and Can Do (the disability representative group).

UniQ has weekly lunchtime hangouts in the Hub on Wednesdays, as well as organising other events like dinners, parties, movie nights, karaoke, picnics, forums, and debates. It also runs the queer mentoring service, which is just about to get up and running properly for the year. Check UniQ out on Facebook at facebook. com/uniq.victoria.9, at uniqvictoria.co.nz, or by emailing uniqvictoria@ gmail.com.

The Women’s Group has now had their IGM and is ready to go.

They will be hosting events, offering educational seminars and discussions later on in the year, and running awareness campaigns as well, especially regarding rape culture. The WG is open to everyone, whether you identify as a woman or not! Get in touch with them on Facebook atfacebook.com/VUWSAwomensgroup, or by emailing vuwsawomensgroup2013@gmail.com.

Can Do works closely with Disability Services, who provide a high quality service for those with disabilities at Vic. Can Do expands on this by providing a peer-support network which aims to be accessible to those with cognitive, as well as physical, disabilities. Connect with them on Facebook by searching “Can Do at Vic” or by emailing can. do.at.vic@gmail.com.

Finally, to support Vic’s transition to a smokefree campus on 29 April, they’re hosting a Smokefree Expo in the Hub, 12-2 pm, Monday 29 April-Friday 3 April. Check it out for Smokefree advice, information, and heaps of resources to help you quit.

If you want to contact me for any VUWSA/Equity-related reason, please don’t hesitate to email matthew.ellison@vuw.ac.nz Bye for now!

Matt x

The other major issue of popular interest is the review of New Zealand’s Constitution. For some brief details on what it’s all about, the ‘Constitution Conversation’ page on facebook is a decent start.

The page has links to a series of debates and discussions taking place on campus, including the discussion that took place in Te Tumu Herenga Waka last week. Changes to New Zealand’s constitution will have a massive impact on te iwi Māori, so make sure you’re up with the play to ensure you and your whānau don’t miss out!

PASIFIKA STUDENTS' COUNCIL Loto Aho Study Session Kirk Building (room next to Ema’s office), Wednesdays 4-6 pm (No need to sign up, feed provided after session.)

Study Session for 2nd years and above Thursdays, 4-6 pm at KK001, Kirk Building.

Tivaevae-Making Session Tuesdays, 5 pm at Pasifika Haos.

VUSSA (VUW Samoan Students’ Association) Practices Tuesdays, 5 pm at SUB 217 and SU218 Thursdays, 5 pm at Tennis Pavillion.

Hula with Te Kura Wednesdays, 7.30 am at Dance Room, VUW Rec Centre.

FHSS Drop-in Course Advice Fridays, 1 pm at Pasifika Haos.

Ema Sanga SLSS Drop-in Session Fridays, 1 pm at Pasifika Haos.

Jenny and Sera Te Putahi Atawhai Drop-in Session Fridays, 1 pm at Pasifika Haos.

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bent

By Matthew Ellison

Yay marriage equality! Pretty sweet, huh?

Damn those civil rights taste good. Looks like we’re done here.

Oh. Wait.

Queer women are still hugely underrepresented in queer spaces. Queer teenagers are still significantly more likely to attempt suicide. Biphobia continues to exist. Trans* people still don’t have all the civil rights they are due, let alone equal treatment and recognition by society as a whole. Queer sex education in schools is still terrible or non-existent, having long-term negative effects on queer people’s physical and mental health. There is a striking lack of good representations of queer people and queer relationships in entertainment media. Queer people of colour are afforded much less airtime in the mainstream than white queer people.

Queer people still endure awful bullying in schools and later on in the workplace. I’m still uncomfortable holding a partner’s hand walking down the street.

In short, there’s still a long way to go. Don’t get me wrong—marriage equality is a good thing, and it will certainly have a positive effect on the lives of a great many queer people, whether they want to marry or not, but by no means does it fix everything.

Marriage equality became the social justice cause du jour, and everyone, especially younger demographics, got on board with it. It’s an easy campaign to support because everyone’s aiming for the same thing, with a definite end-goal. The implicit danger though, is that it’s very easy to feel that the fight’s over now; in reality this was just one step on a longer path towards true equality.

Marriage equality was but one marker along the road we’re walking—a big, easily quantifiable marker, to be sure, but not the end point. The terrain gets a little trickier to navigate from here on in, with less obvious, less definite goals, but they are the ones that matter most.

So what happens now? There are still legislative and policy battles left, especially

for trans* issues, but lots of things need to continue to happen on smaller scales.

Queer groups in schools make an enormous difference to the lives of queer schoolkids, and we could certainly stand to have more schools with them. Bullying in schools, disproportionately affecting queer kids, is an issue that doesn’t receive nearly enough attention.

So celebrate marriage equality—that’s right and good. But we can’t stop now. National and global conversations about queer issues have never been more open and we should be seizing this opportunity for meaningful social change. Imagine how great it would be if sex ed had actually covered your sexuality properly? That’d be a good start.

If you have any questions, comments or feedback, please feel free to email uniqvictoria@gmail.com, visit us on

website: uniqvictoria.co.nz. like to see here

Secret diary of Colin Craig Dear Diary, It’s difficult to take things on the chin when you don’t have one. The Marriage Equality bill passed its third reading, thanks to Maurice’s speech about gay rainbows. Idiot. Doesn’t he know rainbows don’t have a sexual orientation?

They are acts of God. I’m extremely concerned MPs aren’t accurately representing public opinion. Considering I’m such an expert on public opinion and always have statistics on hand, it’s a little strange no one voted for me.

Thank God it’s only you and me here, Diary. No one can misconstrue what I say.

Ben Uffindell defamed me in The Civilian. He made me sound ridiculous. I tried to ‘lawyer’ The Civilian, but the media caught wind of it. Golly gosh. My name was everywhere, and rumours were spiraling out of control. I had to pull out of my legal proceedings against The Civilian. But I’m used to that, not believing in contraception. I hope it wasn’t too late. The media can be so cruel sometimes.

Note to self: must suggest to Gareth Hughes that he try my personal media adviser, silently with eyes closed before bedtime. He’s great at telling me what to say. Or maybe I could get #heyGod trending on Twitter by making a wee shout-out during my next interview.

I can hear someone sniggering outside my window. Great, it must be a friend—people who know me think I’m a pretty funny guy! It’s not that I don’t understand satire; I do, I’m just a bit worried that if people thought

Facebook

at facebook.com/uniq.victoria.9, or at our

Tell us what you’d

- we’d love to hear from you!

By Penny Gault

I actually said those things, they might also think the Marriage Equality bill had something to do with rainbows. I don’t want to be satirically portrayed as ridiculous. I want people to know, as a matter of fact, that I am actually ridiculous. Chapman Tripp have gone some ways to assisting me in this with their substandard letter, and for that I thank them. If I am to be exposed to public ridicule, it ought to result from my own idiocy.

At least here, Diary, I can convey my true thoughts, without fear of derision.

It’s just not intelligent to pretend that homosexual relationships are normal.

In a normal world, two men can’t create a child. Gay adoption doesn’t make sense! New Zealand is home to the most promiscuous women in the world.

Now that they can marry each other, we stand to lose one of our most valuable tourist attractions. If all the promiscuous women are married, there will be no illegitimate children for the gay men to adopt! So their marriage is pointless. This whole amendment is filthy and reeks of … of … of filth! My mind isn’t thinking straight.

Right. Better go and tell John to file a complaint against myself, because I’ve probably said something here that I haven’t actually said.

Sincerely, Colin  (Isn’t that smiley face a hoot?!)

P.S. Who is Colin Crag?

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e f i L r u o Y g n i x i F

[BECAUSE OURS ARE WRITTEN OFF]

Hi Hector, Janet How do I establish and curate my ‘online brand’?

TY, Off-brand Brandon

Hector Hi Brandon,

cover, forever. That isn’t a bug or a feature, it’s just the way it is. So long as you’re just being yourself, you shouldn’t have anything to hide.

Not that you shouldn’t be careful. If you are worried about a flighty comment getting out there and causing irreparable brand damage, consider posting it under a pseudonym.

Come up with a great online handle and make it your own. Think about keeping your last name out of things, and scale back your Facebook visibility.

Look, I can’t fault you for thinking about how you’re putting yourself out there. A ‘personal brand’ is really good to be mindful of, because we live in a world without walls. It’s not easy to compartmentalise your message, and in an era where information is power you have a big advantage if all your ducks are in a row. Okay, full disclosure, that may have been the most overcomplicated and wanky thing I’ve ever written, but who are you to talk? You just asked about your online brand.

In the end, it really does come down to being aware of what you’re putting out there. I can’t stress that enough. Keep that in mind, and you’ll do great.

I can only assume that the discussion around personal branding started out heavily in ‘ironic’ territory, but it can’t have been long before those hipsters started to realise that unity of message was working pretty damn well for them. What I was trying to say in the opening paragraph is that when people can quite easily find literally everything you’ve ever said about yourself online, it’s better to have thought about it in advance and take positive steps to ensure you’re only putting your best foot forward.

It’s great that you’re looking to consciously present only a certain side of yourself to your online friends and followers: God forbid we put the entirety of our misguided, sloppy selves into the ether. I’d say: firstly, decide on your avenues. Facebook seems unavoidable, if only as an event-management mechanism, or a register of anyone who’s ever felt an earthquake. Twitter, in my opinion, is higher-risk but higher-reward. A shy, mild-mannered, selfdescribed online branding magnate friend of mine tells me that Twitter is a place for jokes that are objectively good to get favourited and retweeted, whereas recognition on Facebook depends far more on the joke or observation made coming from a person that you like. As for LinkedIn, there’s always some ‘friend of a friend who randomly got offered a great job’, but I can only ever imagine myself joining it drunkenly or ironically. If drunkenness and ironic intent are your only two reasons to do something, don’t do it.

The thing is, though, there’s no objectively right way to do that. Every single person is unique, which is why it’s known as a ‘personal’ brand. Don’t focus too hard on looking bland and safe—that takes all the fun out of it.

Instead, take pride in what you’re putting online. Remember that every time you hit ‘send’, you’re putting out a brand new press release with your name stamped right on the

Loose tweets sink fleets, Hector.

Janet Hi there,

Identify where you think things are at. My personal online presence is a mixture of puns, my family’s antics (the aim of which is to present us as Emma Stone’s family in Easy A), and references to whatever television show I am watching at a particular point in time and/ or Love Actually. I also recently achieved my long-time goal of an ostentatious “I just booked some flights somewhere, wah00!” status. So that was good.

People understandably want to display themselves in flattering light. It’s not always possible. Shoot for the moon, but know that if you miss you'll still end up in the cloud.

If you’ve achieved something, go ahead and document it publicly. If you’re a cynic or a critic, make sure that when your feed explodes with everyone talking about the same thing you can deadpan something like “insert acceptable liberal opinion on rights issue here”. By all means, doctor the photos you’re tagged in. (Or your friends’: see www. oliandalex.com/james-face/ - old but good).

By way of quickfire: try to shape your woes as “charming” and “akin to overcaffeination” rather than “pathological” and “earning you three ‘hope you’re okay!’ texts”. (Think “I hitched up my tights in front of New Zealand’s Chief Justice today” as opposed to “Just cried three times at work, lol.”) Be political if you like, but have a sense of humour. Don’t take things too seriously and hit Shift+Enter in the comment box to adequately paragraph your response. Turn off whatever satanic Instagram setting it is that posts your rain filter selfies simultaneously to Facebook. Do not update me on your gym activity, post nothing but <3 to your boyfriend/girlfriend’s wall or tell me when you have assignments due. OH. ALSO, 'your' means ‘belonging to you’, and 'you’re' means ‘you are’.

Onward and upward, Janet.

Janet and Hector are our resident advice

If you have issues or concerns that you wish to discuss privately and confidentially with a

columnists for 2013. If you've got a problem you'd

professional, rather than Hector and Janet, Student Counselling Service can provide a safe

like them to solve, send your queries through to

place to explore such aspects of your life. The service is free and confidential. Phone (04) 463

editor@salient.org.nz, subject: 'ADVICE'.

5310. Email counselling-service@vuw.ac.nz. Visit Mauri Ora, Level 1, Student Union Building.

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mad science I Just Can’t Get It Out of My Head

By Caitlin Craigie There have been some pretty horrible things happening recently—North Korea is PMS-ing, Kim and Kanye have proven their fertility, and worst of all, Thatcher is definitely dead. But there is one problem shared by 98 per cent of the population that has yet to get the attention it deserves— earworm infestation. This serious affliction, also known as 'I Just Can’t Get [It] Out Of My Head' Syndrome, relates to the phenomenon whereby snippets of a catchy song inexplicably repeat inside your head.

An attack of the earworms can only lead to treble and usually involves a small portion of a song equal to or less than the capacity of one’s auditory short-term memory, usually 15-30 seconds long according to researcher Daniel Levitin. Song with lyrics account for 73.7 per cent of earworms, whereas instrumental music causes just 7.7 per cent of cases. Commercial jingles also struck a chord with test subjects, which will come as no surprise to anyone who shouted Pizza Hut’s glorious 0800 83 83 83 at the top of their lungs.

Scientists can even predict which songs will become addictive, with people getting their greatest dopamine fix from songs that are simple, predictable and repetitive—the not-so-secret recipe for most pop songs. Sadly research has yet to confirm whether the hipster community’s dedicated rejection of pop may have transpired into some form of acquired immunity against earworms.

So by now you have probably now come to the realisation that you have a major or minor earworm problem that you’d like to scale Bach. Perhaps 'Call Me Maybe' has stopped being music to your ears? Maybe you want to sing 'baby, baby, baby, NO!!' Well, don’t stress; as usual, science has come to the rescue with methods for how you can Handel the situation.

On a high note, researchers have discovered strategies for treating earworms. Western Washington University researchers found that engaging the working memory in moderately difficult tasks such as anagrams, Sudoku puzzles, or reading a novel can help. Music psychologist Dr Ira Hyman warns that if you try something too hard the music can come back as your brain will not have been engaged successfully. So watch out for anything too challenging, such as actually studying or seriously considering it.

Finally, researchers suggest you avoid these artists/songs like the plague if you want to survive earworm attacks: Lady Gaga, 'Call Me Maybe', 'Single Ladies', The Beatles, Taylor Swift and Rihanna.

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ant

ly R Week WITH

IE

HG BEATT

MISSING: ONE 'A' GAME If found, please spray-paint gold and teach intimacy.

I have recently taken stock of my life. If I had to specify the trigger for this burst of life administration,* last weekend’s ‘sitting in a Lambton Qy shop window in bridal attire listening to people sing karaoke to Coldplay’s ‘Fix You’ while passers-by avoided my gaze’ springs to mind. I went with some friends to the Brides exhibition, wore a massive tulle skirt, posed in it for a photo captioned “Waiting for Joyce”, and snickered at a girl who boldly made her two mates dress up as her bridesmaids. I don’t think even Beyonce would have taken that initiative had it not been for Tina. Be your own Tina, guys.

Romantic inventory at the end of April has seen another breakup season come and go. Hopefully you dealt with it better than me. I tend to overanalyse my friends’ estrangements and act like it’s happened to me. (As I once saw a girl outside Hope Bros at 1 am yell to her mate, “I JUST WANT TO FEEL SOMETHING!”) Now people are coupling up again. It is unclear whether or not this is worse. No—this just in—it’s worse. I went to my friend’s birthday the other weekend and her father tried to set me up with her cousin. He seemed like a nice guy. He stuck out our conversation for ten minutes and then spent the rest of the night talking to his parents. My dad was standing near us, watching and laughing. Now my dad knows I don’t have game.

Dismally understocked, just to really flog this metaphor, is university. I recently re-watched the entirety of Sex and the City while dipping in and out of study for an equity law test. It got me thinking—wait for it—“am I holding my heart on trust?” I sat the test the other week, mired myself in intellectual mud**, did some mild numb-troll-face

weeping up Willis St, ran into my friends at KK Malaysia, and told them “This degree is a brick wall against which I bang my head, hoping to eventually melt the mortar with my tears”.*** They said “This laksa is hot AF. It might help.” What good people.

Being a student for years on end is exhausting. I’ve done, what, three and a bit years, and I’m only now reaching the relatively heavy stuff, and I feel like my brain—hands-down my favourite asset—has stopped working.I’m giving increasingly flippant answers when asked what I study and whether I like it, and the expression ‘burnt out’ materialises incessantly in my mind of its own accord: in Verdana, no less, which is just rank. My friend said to

As I once saw a girl outside Hope Bros at 1 am yell to her mate, “I JUST WANT TO FEEL SOMETHING!” me the other day that he was “so busy— there’s no end in sight.” I feel occupied, but conversely, there’s no beginning in sight.

I could be here for a while yet, muddling through whatever I muddle through to fill my days. It’s even more tiring when guilt at actually having it really, really easy is factored in.

Everything I say or think at the moment deserves the qualifier “This is a typical early-20s state of mind, but—”. I guess the need for a qualifier is a late-teens realisation, so at least I’m meeting the milestones. Look, I know it’ll end up all right.

(Two words. Always two words.) I have been experimenting with short-term remedies, like face masks, taking my flatmate up on his offers to watch clips of dressage set

to Missy Elliott songs, and eating alone at Maranui. There is also actual therapy. By which I mean: don’t just google “how to alleviate crippling self-doubt”—it thinks you mean “how to alleviate crime”, and then you feel bad once more for having uppermiddle-class ennui.

Arrival at last!, at my comforting, oftreached conclusion: throw some money at yo’ mental health. Go on holiday. So I am going on holiday. Ten minutes into planning said holiday, I realised that anyone doing the same who denies actively thinking of how travel can be used to maintain (let’s face it, spice up) their online presence is a liar. That’s right, motherfuckers, ima hang out with sloths.

I didn’t mean for this to turn so horribly reflective—the last diary I started, I pledged to burn as soon as I used the word ‘exquisite’ in relation to an emotion: it was in flames after only three weeks—but an internal monologue that keeps coming back to the kind of stuff I’ve just talked about is indicative that I need something to look forward to. To remind me that, however faded or frayed my motivation is, I might after all have something going for myself.

The occasional pleasant surprise helps, too.

Last week my brother came home from his first half-semester studying in Auckland.

I hadn't realised I’d missed him. He had one-and a half eyebrows and multiple proud new notches on his belt—God bless double standards. He said to me, “You think about shit too much.” He might be right. * ‘Lifemin’ is better, but people awkwardly don’t watch Miranda. I would try to softly prod you toward doing so, but all the library’s copies of Nudge were out. ** I.e., it went very badly indeed| *** That is actually how I talk.

'Weekly Rant' is a space for one-off opinion pieces.

Want to write your own? Contact editor@salient.org. nz to run riot.

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FOOD & DRINK

nigella lawstudent

Pumpkin Soup for the Poor Souls

A significant part of our collective identity as students is that we're poor. Heck, I work three jobs and I still currently only have $1.86 in my bank account. The ingredients used here cost about $5 and you can feed 4.

Bread: 2tsp yeast 1Tbsp sugar 1tsp salt 3C high grade flour 1 1/2 C luke warm water 2Tbsp olive oil 2Tbsp dried oregano/mixed herbs/rosemary rock or sea salt

Eve Kennedy

Mix the first five ingredients together in a bowl, but with only half of the flour. Leave this to sit for 15 minutes. Then mix in the rest of the flour, 1Tbsp oil and 1Tbsp oregano. Knead the mixture on a floured surface for ten minutes then leave to rise for an hour or more.

While the bread rises, make the soup: 3/4 of an average size pumpkin, chopped. (I had to throw mine

bacchus knows best

By Bacchus

Cheap wine, cheap wine everywhere but not a drop to drink? Turn the foul into the fabulous with Sangria or Mulled wine. If you are having people around to yours, this is a perfect way to turn a couple of $8 bottles of wine into something a little bit special. WARNING: This will require some extra work.

Sangria: I attempted to make a white wine sangria for a few people on Saturday so I could share with you a recipe that is a little bit different.

Unfortunately my cheap, nasty Chardonnay still tasted like... well... cheap, nasty Chardonnay. Even though everyone forced a smile and did the polite “Ummm, it’s nice...”, it was an unmitigated disaster.

So, lesson one: stick to red, which is much more forgiving.

Start with a bottle of straight Cabernet Sauvignon—this is going to form the

off the balcony to get it open while my flatmate took a video, I'm probably going to be internet famous) 2Tbsp cumin seeds and 1tsp curry powder or herbs of your choice.

5 garlic cloves, skin still on.

2C vegetable stock.

2 onions, finely chopped and cooked until translucent in a large pot.

Roast the pumpkin, garlic and spices for about 40 minutes at 180, until the pumpkin is tender.

Squeeze the garlic out of the cloves and put the garlic and the pumpkin into a blender or food processor.

Whiz these with up half of the stock, then pour into the pot with the onions. Add plenty of salt and pepper and then add the rest of the stock. Cook this down at medium heat while the bread cooks. Add 4Tbsp of cream at the end if you so desire once the soup is off the heat.

To cook the bread: Put the dough on a floured baking tray. Roll it out into a rectangle about 5 cm high. Poke your index finger into the dough to make nice indents. Pour 1Tbsp olive oil out over the surface of the bread. Cook at 220 for 15 minutes or until the top starts to brown and the middle is cooked.

When Life Gives you Cheap Wine... backbone of your tipple with its more pronounced tannins and structure. Add to that a bottle of Shiraz, which brings a bit of warmth and roundness; then add two chopped oranges (sliced or wedges, your choice); any stonefruit you can find, and throw in a lash of cinnamon depending on your taste. The key is to keep tasting the concoction as you go— it makes you look like you know what you are doing! Leave this to soak for a few hours, then add a bottle of sparkling wine and it’s party time! Alternatively you can top it off with lemonade instead as it may be too full on for some of your more delicate guests.

Mulled wine: With the days getting shorter and cooler, I’m sure this makes it all that little bit easier for you lot to focus a little less on drinking, and concentrate on those all-important studies. That being said, the ancient Greek philosophers made sure they had

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their amphoras constantly filled with wine to help expand their thoughts and approach problems in a new light (not suggesting anything, just saying...)

So, in this sprint, let’s rock and roll with a winter warmer. Mulled wine is pretty similar to the sangria: You’ll need a bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon, Shiraz, two oranges and cinnamon, but this time put all that in the biggest pot you have and add some cloves, nutmeg, brandy and honey. Put the brew on a low heat for an hour. (I haven’t given measurements as not only does tasting look cool, but it actually gets you to start thinking about flavours, so when you’re no longer living off a student budget you can buy nice wine and actually appreciate it.) Let it sit for another 30 minutes and then heat as required—I suggest serving it in coffee mugs for the full effect.

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MUSIC

ARTS

The Downlow review

suite of songs that explain the correct use of a semicolon.

Lady Gaga intersperses electronic, synth-laden influences with some funkadelic vocals.

The National – Trouble Will Find Me

Latinaotearoa – Sondido

Philip McSweeney

Hello! Welcome back to another six weeks amongst ‘the best’ (rabbit-quotes intentional)!

The forthcoming half-trimester offers not only a chance for you to drastically overhaul your study habits and increase productivity by 110 per cent—there is also a plethora of musical goodness heading your way soon. Here at Salient, we felt it was our duty to make you aware of the most notable of these releases so you too can remain on the button, and enter the upper echelons of music snobbery.

Deerhunter – Monomania Well technically it’s already leaked, ahem. Not that I’d know anything about that, mind you!

In any event, the manic group fronted by the marvellous Bradford Cox (more like Bradford Rox!) promise an album full of ‘very avant-garde nocturnal garage’. If I’d heard it ahead of time I would make the claim that this is a very astute self-assessment. UPDATE: AS OF 25/04/2013 MONOMANIA IS NOW AVAILABLE FOR LEGAL STREAMING THAT’S HOW I HEARD IT I SWEAR

Savages – Silence Yourself 100 per cent female-made post-punk straight from the grubby slums of London, bruv. Think Siouxsie Sioux and the Banshees.

Vampire Weekend – Modern Vampires of the City Preview tracks ‘Diane Young’ and ‘Step’ have justifiably generated buzz for the third album by these indie stalwarts. Fingers crossed for a

Three years after being carried to Ohio by a swarm of bees, The National are making a graceful return to the spotlight with a muchanticipated new album. Not completely related, but they’re also playing their track ‘Sorrow’ for six-hours straight at MoMA on 5 May, possibly in attempt to prove the old adage ‘what doesn’t emotionally cripple you forever makes you stronger’. A question this reporter has: what if one of them wants a coffee or needs the bathroom or something? Hard-hitting journalism. Having heard the two officially released preview tracks (‘Demons’ and ‘Don’t Swallow the Cap’) as well as the handful that have been played live, if this isn’t in my top three albums of the year I will eat not just my hat but every fedora that the Science students at Vic own. That’s a lot of polyester.

Queens of the Stone Age - …

Like Clockwork About fucking time, Homme. Also features Dave Grohl in his rightful place behind the kit instead of the mic (Nirvana > Foo Fighters 4eva).

Fresh off the presses! This New Zealand trio dabbles in ‘Latin-funk, soul, hip-hop and jazz’ and their palpable eclecticism makes for endlessly refreshing listening. Plus you’ll get to feign cultural awareness through its runtime ;).

Oren Ambarchi, Keiji Hanio and Jim O’Rourke – Now While It’s Still Warm Let Us Pour All The Mystery A follow-up to last years’ Imikuzushi, a twisted psychological experiment which recorded the effects of locking up two deranged Noise guitarists and a free-jazz drummer in the same room for three days. Shit will probably get abrasive, but for those of you who favour the unusual and the esoteric this is one to nab.

The Salient Arts Rating Guide: INFINITE STARS = James Spader 5 Stars = Colin Firth or Alan

Sigur RÓs – Kveikur The acclaimed post-rock band may be terrible interviewees (type ‘Sigur Rós awkward’ into YouTube) but they’re damn fine musicians.

Little Boots – Nocturnes The NMEs darling who has been favourably compared to Florence + the Machine and

 ◊ 37 ◊ 

Alda c) M*A*SH 4 Stars = George Clooney 3 Stars = Colin Farrell 2 Stars = Sam Elliott 1 Star = Tom Jones 0 Stars = An Actual Silver Fox Unrateable = Woody Allen

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FILM Documentary Edge Festival 2013 review

by Gerald Lee

Here’s a hard truth: you understand very little about the world. As a member of the Wellington liberal intelligentsia, you no doubt have a great many opinions on issues such as asset sales. However, when quizzed on Bolivian politics or the culture of Cameroon, your knowledge will likely be quite scant. Thankfully, documentaries can remedy our limited understandings. They have the ability to expose us to different perspectives, situations and ideas. For the purposes of your global education, here is Salient’s guide to the highlights of the Documentary Edge Film Festival 2013.

The Island President: For some, climate change is no longer just a theory, but a devastating reality. The Island President

Antiviral review

Director: Brandon Cronenberg Review by Annabella Gamboni

Brandon Cronenberg may just be one of the ballsiest men in existence. Son of bodyhorror master David, whose works include the seminal 1980s cult films Videodrome and The Fly, his debut feature, Antiviral, also turns out to be—you guessed it—a body horror. However, while it displays Brandon Cronenberg’s obvious talent, Antiviral never quite matches up to its more renowned genresiblings.

The film follows a young man (played by Caleb Landry Jones), never named, who works at a clinic designed to infect their clientele with whatever disease they choose, distilled from the celebrity of their choice. Apparently unaffected by the celebrity-manic dystopia around him, he himself becomes obsessed with one Hannah Geist. This obsession consumes him and causes him to become involved in an attempt on her life.

follows the efforts of Maldives President Mohamed Nasheed to combat the catastrophe that threatens his nation’s existence. Hopefully the film will provide some challenging insights, instead of sticking too closely to the simplistic David vs Goliath type narrative.

The Invisible War: As its name suggests, this film delves into a culture of rape and sexual assault within the US armed forces that is largely hushed up. Likely to be a grim but essential watch.

How to Survive a Plague: A harrowing but inspiring look at how AIDS activists fought for proper treatments, despite a clear reluctance on the part of governments or companies to affect any real change. At the risk of sounding a little corny, it serves as a poignant reminder of the power of human courage in the midst of utter despair.

It’s a big idea, but one that isn’t really pulled off. The story clunks along rather slowly thanks to a selection of lazy narrative devices. Televised news is constantly used as a source of exposition, rather than such information being offered organically within the story. Where the film really succeeds is in its beautifully stark, central compositionheavy aesthetic, aided and abetted by Jones’ alien-boy physicality and excellently visceral performance. The overall effect goes a bit towards a film-school graduate’s kind of selfindulgence, but is saved by some marvellous body horror (though I did wonder if we had to see every single injection in extreme close-up).

Antiviral nonetheless is a solid debut, and Cronenberg could be one to watch once he comes up with a really good script, and maybe does something different to his father.

Verdict: 3.5/5

 ◊ 38 ◊ 

Propaganda: Here’s a bit of a change. Instead of being a penetrating examination of the nature of disinformation, Propaganda is a North Korean indoctrination film filled with anti-Western rhetoric and wild accusations.

Sure, it might start to grate after the first half hour but it’ll likely be entertaining and informative nonetheless.

Shadows of Liberty: Not all media outlets are as trustworthy and impartial as your dear old Salient; many are subject to the whims of executive boards and the ‘profit imperative’.

Shadows of Liberty explores the phenomenon of corporate dominance of the American news media. While it seems unlikely to shed any new light on the subject, it should give us left-wingers some authority when we complain about media bias.

The Documentary Edge Festival 2013 runs from 5-19 May at Reading Cinemas and the Film Archive.

What’s On Oblivion: Tom Cruise is one of the last humans left on Earth after a devastating alien invasion forced everyone else to abandon the planet. Or is he? Despite being incredibly derivative, Oblivion is a surprisingly entertaining sci-fi flick that features some sumptuous visuals. Plus, listening to Melissa Leo ask “Are you still an effective team?” in a sinister Southern drawl never gets old.

NZIFF Autumn Events: My personal pick: the remastered version of David Lean’s masterpiece Lawrence of Arabia, but clear about four hours from your schedule.

Iron Man 3: Tony Stark returns to fight another megalomaniac in two hours of derivative superhero action. You can probably sense my disdain for this series.

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BOOKS Li twit ure: Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone Alexandra Hollis

@harrypotter: NO MORE CUPBOARD #yuss @harrypotter: WTF IS GOING ON? #wizard #hogwarts #wtfman!!!!! @hermionegranger: Off to Hogwarts? 1st years should join my group for study sessions (& more fun stuff!) https://www.facebook.com/ groups/14237187756251349/ @chudleycannons1892: hoggy hoggy hogwarts! #hereicome @gred_n_forge: @chudleycannons1892 10 points to Slytherin for that, Ronny

@harrypotter: QUIDDITCH with @chudleycannons1892 and @hermionegranger! #homies #quidditch http://pic.twitter. com/09qusDfSBo @harrypotter: Now you see me now you– #dont #fyinvisibilitycloak @quirinusquirrell: I’m not usually one to post pictures of my lunch, but YUM. #unicorn #blood #unicornblood #nofilter http://instagram. com/p/Dc76KJkalym/ @harrypotter: @SEVEREus you’re a dick @hermionegranger: @harrypotter HARRY!

@chudleycannons1892: @gred_n_forge whatever. guess who im friends with now #harryfuckingpotter #boywholived

@harrypotter: @hermionegranger what? Like he knows how to work twitter.

@harrypotter:: OMG FOOD

@SEVEREus: @harrypotter hello Potter. #behindyoupotter

@hermionegranger: Today marks 180 yrs since Grogan Stump reformed the Ministry of Magic! RIP http://battybagshot.blogspot. com/1991/11/grogan-stump-and-i.html

@harrypotter: @chudleycannons1892 @hermionegranger guys, be careful what you tweet. This is a public site you know. *people* could be watching. #snape

@quirinusquirrell: A truly fascinating article on Grogan Stump’s influence on –śia gassi nafas! haśéa gassa śig!

@quirinusquirrell: Any ideas on how to get rid of hairs from giant three-legged dogs? Asking for a friend #notnaminghim

@chudleycannons1892: @hermionegranger stop sending me and @ harrypotter friend requests! we r not friends, okay?!

@harrypotter: YEAHHH GRIFFINDOR!! WE ROCK!! Oh and I defeated a dark wizard @chudleycannons1892 @hermionegranger #decentevening

@hermionegranger: CAN SOMEONE PLEASE COME QUICKLY #TROLL #NOTINTHEINTERNETSENSE https://vine.co/v/bPfndK9B4iT

The Elephant Vanishes - Haruki Murakami

review

Alexandra Hollis

Haruki Murakami has been a significant figure on both the English-language and Japanese literary scenes for decades, but while his novels— Norwegian Wood, Kafka on the Shore, 1Q84—have been well-read and -loved, his short stories must be considered of equal value. With a charming surrealism and a whimsical, slightly troubled logic, the stories in The Elephant Vanishes are condensed bursts of Murakami—but not at all diminished for this.

The sense of surrealism pervading the domestic—a hallmark of Murakami’s work— suits the short story well; at times these works are reminiscent of Vonnegut’s short stories or Jorge Luis Borges’s seminal collection Labyrinths.

Through the consistency in tone and the understated way Murakami manages his prose, there is a suggestion that the surrealism contained

@harrypotter: home :(

herein may be symptomatic of small disturbances in the world at large. The most unsettling stories end up being the ones which are most grounded in reality; Barn Burning, which procures much of its mystery and momentum through narrative gaps, is incredibly troubling for how little grasp we have over the events in the story.

This surrealism is even expanded to cover the collection as a whole. Various elements—not themes or motifs, but actual names and places— are repeated in various guises, disguised and distorted. Several characters work for the same company, or in a similar profession and the figure of “Noboru Watanabe” is simultaneously the protagonist’s cat which is named after his wife’s brother, his sister’s fiance, the town’s elderly elephant keeper, and several other people. This contributes to the subtly unnerving nature of The Elephant Vanishes; due to its similarity in tone (all the stories are written in first person, from the perspective of a character whose life has been profoundly disturbed in some small way) the reader tends to run the stories together, acknowledging but not really accepting the autonomy of these stories as separate beings.  ◊ 39 ◊ 

The placement of stories in The Elephant Vanishes is rather cruel. The Wind-up Bird and Tuesday’s Women, which then became the longer novel The Wind-up Bird Chronicles, is the first story in this collection, and this almost derailed my enjoyment of the whole book, as I was seriously tempted to abandon it in order to search for a copy of the novel. Thankfully, I persisted: although The Wind-up Bird and Tuesday’s Women is brilliant—its central mystery is never explained, and this ends up working in its favour—so are the other stories, and they work incredibly well together.

Although it lacks the cohesion of plot and character that a novel requires, The Elephant Vanishes is novel-like in giving a sense that we are working towards something. Never in reading it did I feel lost; I was often troubled by seemingly inexplicable mysteries, but the skill of Murakami’s writing and the confidence this imbues reassures the reader that if we read long and hard enough this will all make sense. More power to him, then, that it doesn’t; we are only left with “some kind of balance ... [which] has been broken down.”

ϟ• ARTS•ϟ

GAMES growing pains

ARTICLE

Patrick Lindsay

The mainstream video-game industry tends to act like a sweaty crowd of pubescent teenagers.

Or rather, a large majority of the people involved in it do. It's a relatively new industry, sure—especially by comparison to middle-agedbut-can-still-let-its-hair-down film or old-guyin-comfy-slippers novel. The way that women tend to be treated—in development, the press or games themselves—is pretty emblematic of this pimply, wispy-stachioed stage in the industry's life that it quickly needs to grow out of.

How women are represented in games is pretty revealing of the industry's viewpoint. It's also an area that's had a lot of coverage and is well-known. Chainmail bikinis in Aion, 'jiggle physics' in Dead or Alive (they're exactly what they sound like) and female characters being cast almost exclusively as sassy and/or sexy sidekicks in games like Enslaved or Halo—chances are, if there's a female character her jumpsuit is mostly unzipped and her lips are extra-pouty. While this is more of an issue with Japanese rather than Western developers, it's an obvious area where some improvement could be made. These representations are insulting both to women, for obvious reasons, and to the men who take offence at the obvious attempts at pandering to them through sexytimes. Some developers definitely try to counter this trend (Bioware's Mass Effect or

Dragon Age titles, for example), but overall, games tend to give women a poor showing—if they even feature any at all.

Less well-known is how terribly women can be treated within the industry. This came to light in a major way late last year with the #1reasonwhy Twitter campaign. This encouraged mostly female members of the video-game press and development industry to tweet about misogynistic or discriminatory actions they've been exposed to in the course of working in the video game industry. These make for both shocking and sad reading—mistreatment by co-workers and fans at conventions, assumptions that women can only work on the pinkest and most glittery 'girl games', people thinking it's okay to comment on someone's appearance and not their work at trade shows. The #1reasonwhy campaign gives a look on the generally invisible 'other side' of the industry, the place of producers rather than product. Seeing that women are treated in basically the same saddening/maddening way on both sides is definitely a sobering thought.

It's not all doom, gloom, and hatred of wombs in the industry, though. A second campaign, #1reasontobe, arose shortly after the first. This allows women from across the industry to say why they put up with everything thrown at them. It's definitely inspiring stuff. These are clearly people fighting for and doing something they believe in: “because my 3 year old niece... deserve[s] better than this”; “plain and simple,

 ◊ 40 ◊ 

I love making games and I love playing games”; “because some of us have never encountered these scenarios [of #1reasonwhy]”. There's not a hint of defeat or dismay at the poor treatment in #1reasonwhy, and this is something for the entire industry to aspire to.

The defence that 'the video games industry is a boys' club; if you can't take the heat then leave', isn't even nearly good enough. Development and fandom should be inclusive, not exclusive.

We're all clearly passionate about the same thing and isn't that enough? The more viewpoints, the more diverse narratives we can both tell and be exposed to. Ain't nothin' bad about that, so now's the time to stop standing in the way of it.

This isn't meant to be a rant from atop a soapbox wonkily propped on the back of a high horse, even if in retrospect it looks a lot like one. Rather, it's to make you, Reader Jo/Joe, think about the representation of gender in games and also about the people that make them. If we want games to be considered art, or more respectable, or be more accepted and less stigmatised, the easiest thing to do is to think about hard or scary stuff like this. Being passive with video games definitely does not help anyone—actively thinking is the next step for the mainstream part of this industry to take in growing up.

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VISUAL ARTS Te Papa: Ngā Toi

review

Alexandra Etienne

"Stare. It is the way to educate your eye, and more […] pry, listen, eavesdrop."

Walker Evans penned these words as a subtext for his Subway photographic series (1938-1941).

His idea of a curious, perhaps inquisitive eye could just as well encapsulate the effect of Te Papa’s new gallery space on Level 5. Ngā Toi invites the eye to wander from room to room and delight in the diversity of styles, media and contexts on display. Considering the breadth of artworks to encounter, this ‘micro museum’ is definitely worth a couple of visits.

For now, let me just focus on a few ‘eyelights’—photography, for instance, which I like to call a ‘script of light’. Room 11 entitled Toi Pepa: Works on Paper offers some examples, by noted artists like Diane Arbus, Eugène Atget and Marc Riboud. But I stopped to stare at one work in particular: Lee Friedlander’s Shadow, New York City (1966). Its formal qualities conjure the idea of the gaze, of sight as a site of ambiguity, of confrontation—in this case, the viewer as a voyeur.

We notice a shadow encroaching on the back of a woman’s head—a rather bizarre, almost surrealist image, the shadow signifying the photographer’s presence. Friedlander, it seems, defies the secretive nature of street photography. He is not hidden, let alone absent from the snapshot: his shadow underlines a certain taste for the uncanny, eerie part of the self. In terms of daunting atmosphere, the photographs by Wayne Barrar also spring to mind. His landscapes are anything but the scenic, pristine sort of photography one might expect. He endows them with a dim, obscure ambience, with hints of human traces, what he calls the ‘commodified subterra’—man-altered landscapes, infused with darkness.

To continue on the topic of light, Buster Black’s Mountain 1 also calls for scrutiny: unlike

photographers who ‘paint’ with light through a camera, he uses oil to create a sense of light on the canvas. In this textured landscape, a snowy peak floats out of the darkness. The exhibit’s caption says that his mentor Colin McCahon was struck by the “visuality of white on black”.

Frank Hofmann’s Lili Kraus portrait (1947) and Projection image: scissors (ca. 1946) are also filled with contrast, reminiscent of Man Ray and Stieglitz. Hofmann was inspired by the avantgarde aesthetic of New Photography he had been in contact with in Czechoslovakia, thus enthused to experiment and distort perceived realities.

A similar sensation of illusion, of a hypnotic kind this time, can be felt if you stand in front of Heat, a fascinating video work by Queensland artist Christian Thompson.

“I love the mysticism and the seductive cruelty of the desert, my home, and how it can be so alluring and potentially life-threatening”, he says.

His claim is made palpable in this large-scale, three-channel projection of three young women.

As they stare back in silence, imagined waves of heat infiltrate the air, their hair sweeping and tousling as if alive—like the Gorgons of ancient Greek mythology (the sisters Stheno, Euryale, and, the most famous, Medusa). Their sure gaze unflinchingly meets ours. This piece is not only visually stunning: its tune (the melancholic melody of a harp) is what tempts our ears first, then the eye, to come closer.

Like Bill Viola’s slow-motion films, Thompson makes us wait—there is a hallucinogenic quality to Heat: the spellbinding rhythms are those of the wind, that comes and goes, building at times to a crescendo, but still offering no respite from its hot grip… Intriguing!

Enough describing, go see all these little art gems in the flesh, eye-to-eye!

Ngā Toi is a long-term exhibition located at Te Papa, Level 5. Free entry.

By Sharon Lam  ◊ 41 ◊ 

2

$

——— Beautiful fresh filter coffee available now at The Hunter Lounge ———

 ϟ puzzles ϟ 

PUZZLES 'rare jewels' - difficulty: medium 45. Ivan the Terrible, e.g.

49. Caress 50. Subject for Titian 51. Prefix meaning one sextillionth 52. Subject of a Sonic the Hedgehog 'Special Stage' 56. Coincide 59. One judged by Tyra Banks 60. Bash into 61. Dutch cheese 62. Song of Achilles?

63. Finnish composer ___-Pekka Salonen 64. Moved bit by bit 65. Ending for terra 66. Railway depot: abbr.

ACROSS 1. U.S. Pres. that died during WWII 4. Unadorned 9. Aliens make circles in them 14. Zodiac sign in August 15. Billy Dee played him 16. It comes before 'recycle' 17. Grain for porridge 18. Made to ____ 19. Word for Hamlet's “disposition” 20. Subject of an epic Pink Floyd song 23. Toys for windy days

24. “___ you awake?”

25. Bambi's mother, e.g.

28. Noticed 29. Former French currency 32. Toasted tuna sandwich 33. One not doing much 35. Laid the seeds for 36. Subject of an Enid Blyton book with Pat and Tessa 39. Scratchy's mouse foe 41. Hot spots 42. Bovine calls 43. ____ on a true story

DOWN 1. Aviary groups 2. Term of affection used by old ladies, often 3. Go round 4. Sneaky tactics 5. Grease from pigs 6. “___ Love Her” (Beatles song) 7. Inkling 8. Killer in a Hitchcock shower scene 9. Victim in a Hitchcock shower scene 10. Tear, as clothing 11. Ejected 12. Pitchfork-shaped letter 13. See 34-Down 21. Highest points 22. Tolkien bad guy 25. Misted 26. 2011 Pearl Jam single 27. Abbr. in an airport lounge 29. Tallahassee's sta.

30. Stimpy's cohort 31. Birthplace of Perseus, in myth

Quiz 6. Who played main character Jamal Malik in the film Slumdog Millionaire?

2. What is the name of the king Alexander the Great fought against at the Battle of the Hydaspes/Jhelum River in 326 BC?

7. True or false: Nigel Farage is leader of the Green Party of England and Wales.

4. Who is the editor of satirical website The Civilian?

5. What is the English name for the country of Hrvatska?

ISSUE 06 SOLUTION

YEAR LONG PUZZLE:

1. Paul Theroux is best known for what genre of writing?

3. Gallus gallus domesticus is better known as what?

32. One who gets protection money 34. On a wine label, it means 13Down 35. ___-dried tomato 36. James McAvoy or Robert Burns 37. Night before 38. Helen Mirren action film 39. Little devil 40. Low digit 43. A couple of cups?

44. Hit song by Blondie 46. Backups 47. “Finally!”

48. Ex-basketballer and exwrestler Dennis 50. Leading 51. “Ocarina of Time” title character 52. Give over 53. Like some albums or flights 54. Alter, as text 55. Jainist's no-no 56. Get older 57. Sistine Chapel figure 58. Throw ___

8. Who is supposedly responsible for the All Blacks suffering from food poisoning in the 1995 World Cup final in South Africa?

9. In what year did The Clash, The Congos and the Sex Pistols all release their debut albums?

10. Which meat is usually used in the Korean dish bulgogi?

7) False (he is leader of the UK Independence Party). 8) 'Suzie the Waitress'. 9) 1977. 10) Beef.

ANSWERS: 1) − 1) Travel writing. 2) King Porus. 3) Chicken. 4) Ben Uffindell. 5) Croatia. 6) Dev Patel.

variety puzzles & CROSSWORD by puck — ANSWERS NEXT ISSUE

 ◊ 42 ◊ 

7. Rearrange CAUTIONED into the focus of a department here at Victoria (9)

 ϟ puzzles ϟ 

Target

n e b

a r l t e c

Secret Identities

Target rating guide: 0-15 words: do you even go here?

difficulty: easy

16-25 words: alright

Solve the clues below, and put the answer on the dashes next to the clue. The answers will be in alphabetical order. Using these words like jigsaw puzzle pieces, you'll be able to fit them together to form the names of five people that are often looked for (and these five names are also in alphabetical order).

26-35 words: decent 36-50 words: PRO 50+ words: free drink

Clues

Letter that often symbolises the top of a map

Friend in wartime

_

____

Not this or that

Giving a weapon to

_____

______

'Purple Rain' singer

Vehicle that might be followed by 'pool'

______

___

King's domain

Abbreviation for 'church'

_____

__

'Game of Thrones' character Greyjoy

Cousin of Dora the Explorer

_____

_____

George Bush Jr's middle initial

Sky channel with an exclamation mark

_ Association for people with high IQs

_ Person looked for by: The Acme Detective Agency

_____

______ /_______ Some Disney princesses

______ /_______ An adopted kid, all grown up

____ /______ Morpheus in 'The Matrix'

___ /___ Kids with good eyesight

_____ SOLUTION FROM LAST WEEK: The answers (in order of the clues) are: Funky Chicken, Fullbacks, Out of Luck, Fruitcake, Fifteen Bucks, Daffy Duck, Fudgepacking, Firetruck, Full Metal Jacket, Friar Tuck. When fit into the grid, the circled column reads FORNICATES.

Sudoku difficulty: easy

difficulty: medium

 ◊ 43 ◊ 

difficulty: hard

SALIENT ♥ YOU

letters Letter of the

week

win a $10 voucher for the hunter lounge

GET IN-FEZ-TED WITH HIS LOVE Gentlemen, Gentleladies and Whovians, I greet you through this fair magazine, the Fezlient (as it should be known) Tis I, the one dared break the bounds of social construct and wear a Maroon edifice upon my head, Enough with this frippery, I address you fellows today with a desperate plea.

Fez Guy needs a Fez Gal to assist in a sacred mission, Watching Dr Who from the 9th Dr Onwards so the Fez Guy may understand all these references people insist on making.

All. The. TIme(har).

Rewards will be Fez Guy's companionship and a Fez, plus other possible benefits, such as snackage.

Apply by approaching the one who wears a Fez and stating your interest, mutual raw and aggressive sexual attraction desired. Sorry guys, the Fez only bends for Robert d Jr and David Tennant.

Yours violently, Fez Guy

BI-GOLY, I THINK YOU MIGHT BE RIGHT! Dear Bilent, In the wake of the recent Marriage Equality Bill passing, and the announcement of Labour's proposed power market reforms I can't help but think that the sexuality market needs major reform itself.

If one is to believe Steven "Friedman" Joyce, all problems can be solved by relieving the burden of regulation and allowing the market to take its course. I cannot help but think this should apply

perfectly to relationships too. Surely, if all New Zealanders were not burdened by a particular sexual orientation, love will be free to take its course and trickle down, in all its juicy glory, all over us.

Yours, Forever alone

NO HOMO FOR JO YO Hey Salient All I can say is Fuck You Jonathan Young.

Call yourself an MP? From a pissed-off-gay-ex-New-Pymouthian

TAB-BOO Salient, lets take a moment from our crazy lives to appreciate the brilliant and attractive people who run Vic's IT service.

Every time I log into myvic I can type in my username, press 'enter', type in my password and press 'enter' again to log in.

Fantastic! How often do you do this on facebook only to realize that dose designers are dongs?

This has made logging into myVic a pleasure, much more alluring than the login process to facebook. In doing so they have reduced my incentive to procrastinate and increased my efficiency 40%.

Thanks guys! Love you lots but not romantically

WE’D SETTLE FOR ONE Dear Ring-lient, I have just uncovered a most disgusting and consumerist conspiracy, hatched from the minds of people who walk among us, who might even be your friends. Do you realise how many rings a woman expects you to buy her if you wish to engage her in the act of marriage?

I thought there was just an engagement ring and a wedding ring, but no! That would be far too simple. To begin with you have to buy a “pre-engagement” ring. What is this ring even supposed to signify?! That I’m eventually going to buy you another ring?

And then we come to the engagement ring itself. Apparently it’s not good enough to get  ◊ 44 ◊ 

a $50 ring from The Warehouse. The female of your desire insists upon a $2000 ring. You could buy a new kidney for that!

And then a year after the wedding you have to buy yet another ring! This is just getting ridiculous. The only conclusion I can draw from this is that woman are not interested in love at all, in fact they are lizards from outer space who are obsessed with obtaining shiny things.

Yours sincerely, Lord Sauron, King of the shadow people

COLIN ON THE CROSS I've composed a lovely acrostic poem for your readers' reading pleasure.

Cunt OMG what a cunt Like seriously what a cunt I'm a cunt (this guy should say) Nah you're such a cunt Cor blimey, what a cunt Really quite a cunt And he's also a bit of a dick I must say, he is a cunt Gosh golly, what a cunt he is Love, Young Conservative.

FAN CLUB, POPULATION: 1 To the editors of the great and all powerful Salient, I am disgusted, appalled even, at the volume of hate mail directed at our student magazine included in issue 05 of you decidedly disreputable publication.

It is discrimination to include objective information and personl opinions in the public forum unless they align with MY personal views. It is disquieting that VUWSA would allow such a publication to release slanderous and offensive opinoins about our very own student magazine, the representation of Salient's puzzles as unsolvable is grossly offensive to my view that the puzzles are a great way to spend an idle break between lectures.

I know for a fact that Salient is great,

SALIENT ♥ YOU

letters please refrain from opposing my views in the future or I will be forced to write another, more strongly worded, letter.

Peace, TCG

C/O CREME?

WE HOPE THEY DO TOO

hi salient slash student body, just wanted to mention that 1d are ideal. hope u all had a gr8 break. love 1dfan4lyfe

TRASH TALKIN’ I am writing to say how disgusted I am (and I'm sure others are too) at the state of the Uni in regards to people leaving their rubbish around.

It has become even more apparent since the opening of the Sushi shop, with plastic containers, brown paper bags and chopsticks left where ever you go!

WHY HAS THE UNI TURNED INTO A DUMP PEOPLE? How hard is it to walk so many meters to the nearest rubbish bin as a courtesy to the next person who may sit at your table!

And DO NOT say its the cleaners job! It is not their job to pick up your mess like your mother would have when you were 5! GROW UP and act like an adult sharing a public space!

Rant Over.

Sincerely Disgusted Student

INSERT SASSY EMOJI To the writer of the letter signed 'Chris FapIntyre' in the last issue, Picture me measuring your joke up against a sign saying 'YOU MUST BE THIS TALL TO RIDE', looking back to you with a there'snothing-I-can-do shrug and empathetic smile, and saying "good try, little buddy!".

Kind regards, Chris McIntyre

CONSTRUCTION MATERIAL! LOL JK, THE BRICKS ARE NEVER EVER GETTING BACK TOGETHER Dear Salient, In a few weeks, something really exciting is going to happen outside the new HUB. More clues in the next issue of Salient. #Xmarksthespot Mr X.

SOZ [ITALICS: BRO] Dear Illitirate-lient, Whenevs i pick up a copy of the salient on mondays i always hav a little look thru the mag for any speling or gramar mistakes. and tbh im getting fucken sick of all these [ITALICS: Salient]s.like seriously sort you fucken shit out,maybs fire your subeditor or something.im available if u want some1 who can do a decent job peace out, A. Pedent

WE HOPE IT’S THE REMOVAL OF MORE TRASH TALKIN’ Dear salient.

After a mad rush to finish assignments in the last days of my " holiday" (first years who are we kidding you will try and relax but fail miserably) I check my social networking sites to find that everyone's having a good time as their assignments were due before the break when I was cleaning my flat. On that note why don't guys clean? Or maybe it's just the guys I live with. But I got six rubbish bags out of the tiny flat. What is this? I'll be fair I am the only girl.

So after this mindless letter/rant I shall eat the dessert my mother has made me and continue gruelling though two massive urgent assignments. Life sucks sometimes Disgruntled student who will most certainly miss her mummy's food. Xox

Hi Salient, Your desperate twitter plea for letters has inspired me. I'll just let you know that I think you are all lovely and beautiful people.

I hope the god(s) look down on you with joy, admiring the people their creation has produced. I will love you forever, probably more than I will love my own children. Thank you for being wonderful.

Lots of love, Julian x0x0

THANKS Deer, S - sensual A - anal L - luscious I - intellectual E - empty N - no hope T- tyrannical Best wishes, Anal

CRITICAL HIT Hello, Nick Truebridge needs his own column.

His writing is as spicy as it is visceral.

BTW tell those fucks from critic to fuck off, their magazine is so bad. It's soooo bad that I go to the trouble of printing it out just to wipe my ass with it when I take a poop.

Cheers, Zak

PTO

SALIENT LETTERS POLICY 2013 Salient welcomes, encourages, and thrives on public debate – be it serious or otherwise – through its letters pages.

Write about anything you like: Beyoncé, puppies, or the metaphysics of space-time. Send us love mail, send us hate mail, send us party invites. We want it all. Letters must be received before 12pm on the Wednesday for publication the next week. Letters must be no longer than 250 words. Pseudonyms are fine, but all letters must include your real name, address and telephone number, these will not be printed. Please note that letters will not be corrected for spelling or grammar.The Editor reserves the right to edit, abridge or decline any letters without explanation.

Letters can be sent to: Email: letters@salient.org.nz Post: Salient, c/- Victoria University of Wellington Hand-delivered: the Salient office, Level 3, Student Union Building (behind the Hunter Lounge)

 ◊ 45 ◊ 

SALIENT ♥ YOU

NOTICES

PRO-FAN-ITY Dearest Salient, I just arrived home from the Anzac Day AFL match; the glorious defeat of the St. Kilda Saints at the beaks of the Sydney Swans is warming my pride like a blanket (that may also be the beer). That blanket would love to embrace me as I clamber off to sleep. However, I thought it important to first write in thanks, in advance, for your inevitably thoughtful exploration of this momentous moment in the shared identity of the Australian and New Zealand peoples.

Salient is the magazine of a student body, and as such I know that your pages will celebrate the breadth of that body. Sure, a lesser magazine could simply dwell upon the hipsteratic musings of Wellington's cultural elite, but you will not allow yourselves to be sucked into that pretense. You understand that many students can celebrate an evening even if it includes neither a visit to Downstage nor a philosophical exploration of the frailty of the human experience. In the infinite words of Lorde, many of us "crave a different kind of buzz". You, Salient, are not above craving any student's buzz.

This evening's match was certainly a brilliant example of such a buzz. The fierce and razor-quick skills of the touring Australians inspired all of us in the stadium—Kiwi or Aussie. A provocative challenge: that even our rivals can broaden our appreciation of human society. Such turning points in the shared spirit of two nations are rare. Thank you Salient, in advance, for celebrating this moment with all of us.

With deepest admiration, A fan.

ASL>AFL Dear Make-Me-A-Better-Man-Lient, I just went to the footy (the AFL) with some mates (including my lovely flatmate).

It was a great evening out. Fucking aced the betting, got quite wealthy. Here's the question for your wise fix-your-life sages: is it a good idea to take a lady on a date to the AFL? It's a fast paced, exciting game and probably much better for my happiness than pretending to like whatever's playing at BATS this week. Let me know what you're thinking, Babeslient.

From the #dudebro I want to be.

CAREERS AND JOBS

big idea that will change the world, you need to be there! Starts next Monday 6th May at 4pm and

Details on CareerHub: careerhub.victoria.ac.nz

takes place in room SU218 (below Hunter lounge).

Applications closing soon: Organisations

Closing

REFUGEE BACKGROUND STUDENTS

Curtis McLean

April 29

Drop in centre for refugee background students.  Every week day 4-6pm, there is a drop-in

TaxTeam

centre in on the 10th Floor of the Murphy Building

Asia New Zealand Foundation (Japan, Taiwan, China)

April 30

Asia New Zealand Foundation (Vietnam)

May 1

Westpac

May 8

Assurity Consulting

May 10

Disney International Programs

May 12

Google

May 15

in room 1010, to help you with your studies.  The Centre is run by senior students, and you can drop by at any time for help with essays, studying for a test, dealing with a tutor, planning your degree, practicing an oral presentation etc.  You can also just drop by to de-stress, get something to eat and have a chat.  For more info email vuw.dropin@gmail.com

IBM

May 18

ANZ

May 19

Honeywell

May 20

Tonkin & Taylor

May 24

Interested in Taekwon-Do? New to Taekwon-Do?

AIESEC

May 25

Learned Taekwon-Do before? Come along and

Intergen

May 30

Victoria University TaeKwon-Do Club (WTF style)

join us! Great way to keep fit and have fun!

Training times:

Scott Technology

Tuesday 6.30pm - 8.00pm Long Room, Victoria

NZICA

University Recreation Centre Saturday 3.30pm - 5.00pm Dance Room,

Xero Palantir Technologies

May 31

Victoria University Recreation Centre What you need: Drink bottle, comfy trousers/ shorts, t-shirt. We are affiliated to the Taekwon-

Employer Presentation

Date

Do Union of NZ (TUNZ) Contact us: vuwtkd@hotmail.com

ASB

May 1

Intergen

May 2

Curtis McLean

May 8

Palantir Technologies Xero

Vic OE – Vic Student Exchange Programme

May 17 May 20

Earn Vic credit, get Studylink & grants, explore the world! A must do while at Vic! Monday April 29th – 10.30am Universite de La Rochelle (France)

Careers Expo

Date

Campus Careers Expo

May 16

ICT Careers Expo

May 17

Monday May 13th – 11.30am American University (USA) All sessions will be held @ Easterfield Building, Level 2. Weekly seminars on Wednesdays, Level 2, Easterfield Building, 12.50pm Email: VicOE@vuw.ac.nz

BUSINESS CLUB

Website: www.victoria.ac.nz/exchange Visit us: Level 2, Easterfield Building

The Business and Investment Club (BIC) invites

Drop-in hours: Mon & Tues 9-12, Wed-Fri 10-12

you to the next guest speaker event "Get a business help from an angel" with Suse Reynolds, the Executive Director of Angel association of New Zealand, who will be talking about business angels, what it´s like to be one and how can they help your business. Suse will also talk about the most typical misconceptions about angel investors, will clarify how exactly do they operate and explain what and who are they looking for, as well as challenge you to take control of your life and come up with your own revolutionary business idea. So if you´re a struggling business owner, or an entrepreneurial university student with that one

 ◊ 46 ◊ 

Notices Policy: Salient provides a free notice service for all VIctoria students, VUWSA-affiliated clubs not-for-profit organisations. Notices should be received by 5pm Tuesday the week before publication. Notices must be fewer than 100 words.

For-profit organisations will be charged $15 per notice. Send notices to editor@salient.org.nz with 'Notice' in the subject line.

SALIENT ♥ YOU

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tues 30 2 for 1 Margherita Pizzas

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