Imam Ali (as) - A Father for All Times

IMAM ALI

A FATHER FOR ALL TIMES

Ameerul-Mo’mineen. Imamul-Muttaqeen. Warrior. Leader. Cousin to the Holy Prophet (saw). Husband to the Lady of Light Fatima (as). Imam Ali (as) is a man known by many titles and various attributes which highlight his acclaimed status in Islamic history. Numerous books and articles have been written expounding upon the Imam’s role as a follower and supporter of The Holy Prophet (saw), his bravery and strength on the battlefield, and his wisdom as a political leader. While these subjects do deserve proper research, publication, and dissemination to the Muslims who seek to know every single detail about the life of Imam Ali (as), there are some seekers out there who desire a more practical, pertinent, and contemporary analysis of his lifestyle. It is undoubtedly true that there are few everyday life lessons to be gained from the above-mentioned subjects. For those of us who seek to follow in the footsteps of Imam Ali (as), we are especially drawn to the subjectmatters which not only affect us in every moment, but where also, there is usually scarce, confusing, or contradictory information. One of these topics is Islamic Parenting. I thought it would thus, be a good idea, to use this opportunity to shed some light on Imam Ali (as) as a father and a role model for other fathers by looking at some of his words of wisdom.

One of the most frequently sought-after spiritual wisdoms and pieces of advice is about how we can achieve more concentration in our ritual actions, such as our daily prayers. We may not have a problem in offering prayers on time, but when it comes to finding presence of heart and spiritual focus, we feel at a loss. This is sometimes due to the fact that we pray as if we are simply robots programmed to perform a task. Have you ever felt like you were stuck on autopilot, moving throughout the day without really thinking about what you’re doing? We wake up, get ready, eat, go to school or work, come home, eat, and sleep. And yes, there are a few religious rituals thrown in between for good measure. At least though, we intentionally offer prayers, albeit without concentration, and understand the importance behind the form, rules, and conditions. On the other hand, there exists another group of actions of which we are completely unaware of its significance, its principles, and especially its deeper wisdoms. Parenting is an example of a religious duty of this sort that so many of us, for various reasons, be it psychological or cultural, neglect and shirk our most basic responsibilities. A possible solution for both of the above types of spiritual ailments may be what is referred to as spiritual reorientation. Regarding actions like prayers, spiritual reorientation typically means to work on gathering your thoughts during the course of your prayers, while reciting your surahs or adhkaar in rukoo’ and sujood. But for an obligation like parenting, there’s an initial preliminary step that many may have ignored.

Saiyid Hasan Ali Rizvi obtained a BA in Political Science from Rutgers University in NJ, USA. Thereafter, he began his hawzah studies first at the Imam Ali Seminary in Orlando, FL from 20102014 and then continued in Qum from 20142020. His subjects of interest include Islamic Philosophy, Mysticism, Spiritual Psychology, Education, and Parenting.

اهدوقو اران مكيلهأو مكسُفنأ اوق اونمآ نيذلا اهيأ اي ةكئَلم اهيلع ُةراجحلاو سانلا نورمؤي م نولعْفيو مهرمأ ام هللا نوصعي َّل دادش ظَلغ

6:66 - Oh you who have faith! Save yourselves and your families from a Fire whose fuel is people and stones, over which are [assigned] angels, severe and mighty, who do not disobey whatever Allah has commanded them, and carry out what they are commanded.

Do we even recognize that taking care of our families is a Qur’anic injunction and thus an extremely vital religious obligation? Because this verse addresses the mo’mineen in the command form, some scholars have even stated that successful parenting is an obligatory duty and consequently, learning how to parent effectively becomes obligatory as well. Thus, the first way to

help us reorganize our approach to parenting is to recognize that it is a religious duty, just like daily salaah, and therefore comes with rules, regulations, principles, and spiritual

guidelines. This initial shift in thinking may help, God willing, break us out from our normal daily routine parenting habits which may be doing serious harm to ourselves and our families. This may also serve as a catalyst for us to pursue further research on the topic and seek guidance from qualified experts.

In a narration attributed to Imam Ali (as), he briefly elaborates on the meaning of the above verse:

مهوبدأ و يرخلا مكيلهأ و مكسفنأ اوملع

Teach yourselves and your families what is good and train them.

There are two different styles of parenting. One method has the parents perform certain actions in response to how their child is behaving. If your child refuses to eat, then say X to them. If they won’t clean up, say Y. If you want them to perform more religious activities, then have them do Z. This method is known as reactionary parenting or direct, external parenting. Because the parent reacts to their child’s behavior in order to achieve a desired result. The other method, which seems to be alluded to in the above verse and narration, is known as role model parenting, indirect parenting, or self-parenting. The focus of the philosophy and techniques behind this model is about starting with one’s own actions and having the child learn through you indirectly rather than directly commanding or adjusting your child, as is the process in reactionary parenting. Allah says

to first save yourself, then your family, and the Imam (as) elaborates and says to educate, train, and discipline yourself, then will you

be in a position to be a successful parent. In Nahjul-Balaaghah, he is reported to have said: لبق هسْفن ميلعتب أدبيلف ْ امامإ سانلل هسْفن بصن نم ،هناسلب هِبيدأت َلبق هتيرسب هبيدأت نكيلو ،هيرغ ميلعت سانلا ملعم نم لَلجْلاب قحأ اهبدؤمو هسْفن ملعمو مهبدؤمو

Whoever appoints himself as a leader for people,

he should begin with teaching himself before teaching others. He should discipline them through his own lifestyle before disciplining

them through words. A self-educating and selfdisciplined individual deserves more respect than someone who teaches and disciplines others [only].

So, if you do see certain undesired or negative behavior in your children, first look to yourself and recognize that you are most likely the cause. If

you want to prepare your younger children and encourage them to destroy their ego, then the

first major block is your own ego. Show them how to break their nafs by breaking your own.

Imam Ali (as) was known for waking up early at night and performing various acts of worship, especially the night prayers. As a report tells, one night while he was busy in worship, he heard Imam Hasan (as) wake up crying. Instead of continuing his prayers and waiting for Lady Fatima (as) to wake up due to the cries and take care of the child, Imam Ali went and picked up Imam Hasan and brought him to his room where he would normally pray. He laid his son down next to his prayer mat and continued his night prayers. Through this action, the Imam not only shows us that it is important for our children to witness our acts of worship even at an early age, but also, he was able to balance his daily worship program alongside his duties as a father and husband. Many of us might simply expect the mother to take care of the children while we engage in our worship, but Imam Ali (as) illustrates for us the importance of being able to balance various obligatory duties and recommended actions while respecting the rights of our family members.

You can apply these principles for any desired action. Rather than expecting them to follow

your direct, forced instructions, let them learn from your example and model your behavior.

If you want your children to be active in saying salaam alaykum to you, to their friends, and others, you need to make sure that your child is constantly observing you and your spouse greeting each other with salaams. They need to see you being the first to say salaam to others. If you want them to express more gratitude, then you must ensure that they see you and your spouse thanking each other for various activities such as cooking, cleaning, serving, bringing groceries home, etc… Do you want your child to simply say sorry when they’ve done something wrong or do you want them to feel sorry and sincerely express regret? If they witness you apologizing for your mistakes and seeking to make amends, they will also gradually pick up this trait.

Imam Ali (a), by constantly praying in front of his children, bringing them with him to his sermons, and creating opportunities for them to observe his immaculate behavior in the house, provided the necessary grounds for their perfections to grow and blossom. It is only after this initial foundation is created that direct words of advice, reminders, and commands can have any real effect.

May we learn from the examples of the ahl ul-bayt (as) in order that we become better parents.

Imam Ali (as) was known for waking up early at night and performing various acts of worship, especially the night prayers. As a report tells, one night while he was busy in worship, he heard Imam Hasan (as) wake up crying. Instead of continuing his prayers and waiting for Lady Fatima (as) to wake up due to the cries and take care of the child, Imam Ali went and picked up Imam Hasan and brought him to his room where he would normally pray. He laid his son down next to his prayer mat and continued his night prayers.