KINKY: An Aspec Zine

an aspec zine RAJ SOHAM KUNDU

Contents 4...Spotlight: Yasmin Benoit 6...Aspec Myths 10...Aces & Kink 11...Masturb-ace-tion 12...Spotlight: David Jay 14...I’d Rather Just Jam (Playlist) 15...Glossary 16...Sources

“I know you’d rather have cake, but I’d rather be making a zine!”

–Raj S Kundu 2023

this zine is dedicated to everyone out

there still trying to figure it out and my

dad, for teaching me that every friendship is still a romance.

Yasmin Benoit

Yasmin Benoit (Aroace) - she/her Asexual activist Lingerie & Alternative Model Founder: Stonwall x Yasmin Benoit Ace Project NYC’s 1st Asexual grand marshal at Pride 2023

“Whenever I’m told that I don’t “look asexual,” I know that I have the opportunity to change someone’s ideas about what an asexual person looks like and how we’re ‘meant’ to present ourselves.”

– Yasmin Benoit 2019

“I’m not going to restrict my self-expression for the sake of not confusing simple-minded people.”

ASPEC MYTHS L E T ’ S

blah blah blah

T A L K

A B O U T :

Aspec people don’t face discrimination

s dentitie Aspec i esult of r e h t e ar trauma sexual

Aces and Aros can’t feel love

o and e libid v a h al on’t physic t n Aces d a on’t w Aros d ion affect

d Aros n a s e Ac he ng in t o l e b t y don’ munit m o c r quee

Aces Asexuals are all are j blah blah blah ust a sex a fraid SEX-REPULSED blah blah bl nd A of ros a afra re ju id co And st mmi all A tmen are R romantic t s OMA All a NCEREPU arom ces are LSED a !! aros ntic and all are asex ual Aspec people don’t want partners or to have families

Asexuals don’t enjoy kink or fetishes

The a-spectrum is an identity category, and terms like “asexual” and “aromantic” are vocabulary we can use to express ourselves. There is no one way to be ace, aro, or anything else aspec.

Some aspec are sex and/or romance-repulsed,. Some aces enjoy the sensuality of physical affection.

Some aros are in queerplatonic relationships and cuddle with friends

Love isn’t always about romance: it’s about our friends, our families, and sometimes takes forms in ways our current vocabulary is not yet able to explain

It is true some people identify as Asexuals belong in the asexual after experiencing LGBTQ+ community. Our sexual trauma, but the literature sexual orientation is valid and on this topic acknowledges this we can face discrimination, accounts for a very small whether it be asexual minority of the ace community conversion therapy efforts or (Parent & Ferriter 2018,). It is being scrutinized as cold and definitely important that we heartless people who are acknowledge and validate the experiences of every asexual “taking away” from our individual, but the myth that partners In a society that promote compulsory asexuality is a byproduct of sexuality, aspec individuals can be sexual assault promotes the harassed by our family and our peers and idea that asexuals need to be “fixed” or “cured.” even internalize that stigma.

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Do you like humor? Do you like to treat yourself to a little 50k fanfiction every now and again? Do you like statistics on asexuality and aromanticism’s rise in the realm of fanfiction? Do you like funny doodles that are not only education but also unironically funny? Do you like passion projects? Are you aspec with time on your hands? Are you interested in super niche research topics that help you understand overlooked minorities?

If you answered “YES” or “yeah” to even one of these questions:

YOU

Sidney Garner’s Master’s Thesis (University of Texas ‘23)

T OU

C O H T E D CK E E N

https://aroacefanfictionwriting.wordpress.com/

Click here

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ASPEC IS NOT A MONOLITH

ACES & KINK L E T ’ S

T A L K

A B O U T :

BDSM negotiation and Kink create spaces to explore “unconventional boundaries” in expressing affection and forming relationships in ways that contradict the allonormative perspectives on Relationships (Sloan 2015).

Through the lens of kink,

Asexuals can enjoy how

sex or Intercourse can

BDSM provides a space be

be recontextualized as

vulnerable and teaches

“just another kink”

them to trust other

rather than a necessity

people. It can provide a

for pleasure and

sense of autonomy over

intimacy.

one’s own body

Despite the literature being done on how aces engage with BDSM, many still experience shame and confusion because of how asexuality is depicted and discussed. To be a kinky asexual is thought to be a contradiction. People sometimes question if they can even be asexual if they find comfort in utilizing kink (Winter-Gray & Hayfield 2019).

L E T ’ S

A L S O

T A L K

A B O U T :

MASTURB-ACE-TION Did you know: A study by yule et al. 2017 found that, While fewer asexuals experience sexual fantasies than allosexuals, the majority of aces still have sexual fantasies!

However, aces with sexual fantasies were more likely to report: “ m y f a n t a s i e s d o Fantasies usually involved themes like BDSM, fetishes, or sexual situations that did not involve the respondent

not involve other people.”

Aces and allos were also found to

masturbate at similar rates!

(Although what they masturbated to differed based on sex and sexual orientation.)

Aces people masturbate for many reasons. Some masturbate to release stress or simply because they like the sensation. A lack of sexual attraction also does not mean a lack of libido, so some asexuals actually have high really sex drives! They just don’t experience them the same way allosexuals do. They can get pent up but may lack interest in the same outlet allos use to relieve themselves. This ties back to recontextualizing sex/intercourse as just another kink. It’s just not for everybody!

(Above are excerpts from Yule et al.’s data tables ranking sexual themes based on how likely ace women and men were to have sexual fantasies on them)

“We felt broken because the connection that we really really deeply craved was velcrod to a culture of sexuality that we didn’t understand.”

– David Jay 2015

“...we’re coming together locally in a way we never have before. This is a time when the LGBT community is acknowledging and including us in a way they never have before.”

– David Jay 2014

David Jay (Asexual) - he/him Asexual activist Father / Coparent Founder: Asexuality Network (AVEN)

DAVID JAY

Visibility

&

Education

I’d Rather Just Jam Turning Out - AJR Here - Alessia Cara Take off UR Pants - Indigo de Souza We’ll Never Have Sex - Leith Ross Never Been in love - Will Jay H.S. - Tom Cardy Anthony Kiedis - Remi Wolf My Life is Better With You - Montaigne Never had a friend like me - 2Pac You’ve Got a Friend in me (Cavetown Cover) Original by Randy Newman

I love my friends - Foster the People Sunny Side of the street (Jon Batiste Cover) Original by Jimmy mcHugh & Dorothy Fields

Dancing in the Moonlight (Toploader Cover) Original by Boffalongo

Glossary Aspec: refers to the broader spectrum of asexual identities. While aspec and arospec are usually differentiated, in this zine, aspec is used to encompass both asexual and aromantic identities BDSM: Refers to erotic practices or roleplaying that usually involve themes of dominance and submission. It is used to explore unorthodox relationship dynamics in a space where all parties have discussed consent and boundaries in advance Compulsory sexuality: As defined by Shorronda J. Brown, “the societal belief that sexuality is something that we are obligated to participate in, that everyone desires sex and that it is normal and healthy and required to have sex” Kink: A sexual aspect intended to increase erotic energy, usually not mainstream. While it is often used interchangeable with fetish, a fetish refers to someone’s kink that must be present in order for them to reach sexual arousal.

Queer-platonic: Intimate relationships that exist outside of platonic or romantic boundaries. One’s queerplatonic partner may be jokingly referred to as a “zucchini.” It’s important to recognize that queerplatonic is a very broad term that refers to very individual experiences. What one person might consider queerplatonic in a relationship, another person may consider simply platonic or romantic.

Like all language, queer-platonic is simply one type of vocabulary we have to describe this experience.

Sexual Arousal: The physiological and psychological response to sexual stimuli Sexual Attraction: Attraction based on sexual desire. Occurs when arousals elicited from another person. Differs from romantic attraction Split Attraction Model: Through the lens of S.A.M., all orientations are viewed as 2 separate levels of attraction: romantic attraction and sexual attraction. This model explains how someone can be romantic but asexual or sexual but aromantic.

Sources Academic Sources Antonsen, Amy N., Bozena Zdaniuk, Morag Yule, and Lori A. Brotto. 2020. “Ace and Aro: Understanding Differences in Romantic Attractions Among Persons Identifying as Asexual.” Archives of Sexual Behavior 49(5):1615-1630. doi: https://doi.org/10.1007/s10508-019-01600-1 Garner, Sidney M. 2023. “Aromanticism & Asexuality in Fanfiction Writing.” Masters research project, Department of Radio-Television-Film (Media Studies), University of Texas, Austin.

Retrieved October 12, 2023 (https://aroacefanfictionwriting.wordpress.com/).

Hermann, Lea, Ai Baba, Deniz Montagner, Rebecca Parker, Joseph A. Smiga, Sig Tomaskovic-Moore, Aria Walfrand, et al.

2022. 2020 Ace Community Survey Summary Report. The Ace Community Survey Team. Retrieved October 12, 2023 (https://acecommunitysurvey.org/wp-content/uploads/2022/10/2020-Ace-Community-Survey-Summary-Report.pdf).

Parent, M. C., & Ferriter, K. P. (2018). The co-occurrence of asexuality and self-reported post-traumatic stress disorder diagnosis and sexual trauma within the past 12 months among U.S. college students. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 47(4), 1277–1282. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10508-018-1171-1 Sloan, Lorca J. 2015. “Ace of (BDSM) clubs: Building asexual relationships through BDSM practice.” Sexualities 18(56):523-547. doi: https://doi.org/10.1177/1363460714550907.

Winter-Gray, Thom and Nikki Hayfield. 2019. “‘Can I be a kinky ace?’: How asexual people negotiate their experiences of kinks and fetishes.” Psychology & Sexuality 12(3):163-179. doi: https://doi.org/10.1080/19419899.2019.1679866.

Yule, Morag A., Lori A. Brotto, and Boris B. Gorzalka. 2017. “Sexual Fantasy and Masturbation Among Asexual Individuals: An In-Depth Exploration.” Archives of Sexual Behavior 46(1):311-328. doi: https://doi.org/10.1007/s10508016-0870-8

Yasmin Benoit https://www.attitude.co.uk/culture/sexuality/yasmin-benoit-pride-in-london-acephobia-440322/ https://www.huffpost.com/archive/in/entry/i-m-asexual-and-i-m-a-lingerie-model-here-s-how-i-balance-thetwo_in_5d4fa88ee4b0820e0af679ebfo: https://queerinsider.com/featured/spotlight-yasmin-benoit/ https://www.newsweek.com/yasmin-benoit-model-asexual-lgbtq-rights-1810920 https://twitter.com/PlayfulPromises/status/1452277515515572226/photo/3 https://twitter.com/theyasminbenoit/status/1659933409643200512/photo/1

Aspec Myths https://everydayfeminism.com/2015/12/myths-about-aromanticism/ https://gayety.co/am-i-aromantic-4-myths-about-aromanticism https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/aromantic#allyship https://www.self.com/story/asexuality-facts

Collage Forums https://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/264597-sex-favorableneutral-folks-how-do-you-approach-intimacy-and-tryingnew-things-in-a-relationship/?tab=comments#comment-1065083219 https://www.reddit.com/r/asexuality/comments/v02en8/sex_favorable_aces_wya/ https://www.reddit.com/r/asexuality/comments/d11pye/what_are_some_sexfavorable_asexual_experiences/ https://www.reddit.com/r/asexuality/comments/l925lj/sex_favorable_asexual_bingo_have_fun/ https://www.reddit.com/r/asexuality/comments/jpo9kt/can_you_have_kinks_and_still_be_asexual/ https://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/262368-can-asexuals-enjoy-dirty-talk/

David Jay https://allindiaqueerassociation.wordpress.com/2020/06/08/david-jay-asexual-activist-founder-of-aven-asexualityvisibility-and-educational-network/ https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-6631989/Asexual-man-lives-married-couple-parent-baby.html? ns_mchannel=rss&ito=1490&ns_campaign=1490 https://www.flickr.com/photos/28062783@N00/169247378 https://www.foxnews.com/lifestyle/asexual-man-invited-to-raise-married-friends-daughter-as-a-co-parent https://www.relate.org.uk/get-help/what-compulsory-sexuality-and-why-it-making-us-feel-crap https://www.sfgate.com/health/article/Asexuals-leave-the-closet-find-community-3219180.php https://thenewmodality.com/catalyst-david-jay/ https://www.wbur.org/hereandnow/2017/11/06/three-parent-family https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VLI09O8bMkU&ab_channel=ideacity https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y0_U-RDHINk&t=241s&ab_channel=DavidJay