Loveiseverywhere,evenifwedon’t realizeit.Whetherit’sromantic, platonic,familial,orjustanenergyin theroom,it'salwayswithus.Inthis edition,wecapturedallthefeelings onthelovespectrum.Fromsummer lusttofamilyadventures,wehope youlovethisissueasmuchaswedo.
OurEditorinChief,Anika,hasbeenpartoftheExcelsior teamforthepasttwoyears,andbecameEditorinChiefatthe endofherjunioryear.OneofherfavoritepartsofExcelsior hasbeengivingavoicetopeoplewhootherwisewouldn't haveone,andherfavoriteissuewasFall2022.AfterRPS, AnikawillbeattendingtheUnitedStatesMilitaryAcademy atWestPoint.
Oursecretary,Jess,hasbeenontheteamsinceshestarted 11thgrade,startededitingfortheSpring2022issue,and becamesecretaryatthestartofthisyear.Herfavoritepartof Excelsiorarethediscussionsontheshortstoriesandpoems duringmeetings.Nextyear,JesswillbestudyingData ScienceandPoliticalScienceatAmericanUniversity.
ToOthellobyJessicaUmoren...............................12
ToDesdemonabyJessicaUmoren.........................13
Image byAafiyah Asrar
Image by Shifa Eraj....................................................14
EntitybyKatherineGuo.........................................15
athursdaymorninginourapartmentbyChloe
Escanillas...................................................................16
Image byAafiyah Asrar
Alovelettertothebrowngirlwhonevergotone byAnikaGanesh......................................................18
Image by Sarah Yan
PlayingwithFirebyJessicaUmoren......................20
Image by Diya Bhagat
BurningIdentitybyChardaeHinton.....................21
Image by Chardae Hinton
AttheGatesofEdenbyAbigailCallaghan............22
Image by Shifa Eraj
TheTableTennisPaddlebyJadenChen...............23
Image by Rachel Wanagosit
Image by Nina Nehra.................................................24
WhatILearnFromFamilyandTreesbyAudrey Qian..........................................................................25
Acknowledgments
Image by Diya Bhagat
Afterword
Image by Shifa Eraj
BackcoverbySherryWang
Iknowwhattheysay
Ithinkyoudotoo
Buttoday'sanotherday
AndIwanttobewithyou
I'mnotthegirlyouwant
Icertainlydon'tlooklikeher
Iwon'tbeanobjectforyoutoflaunt
WhichIthinkyoumightprefer ButIwillbeme
Andwe’llfinallybehappy Untilthedayyouleave
AndonceagainI’llbelonely Takeachanceonmenow
Bethefirst,andmaybethelast
Andbythetimewe’rethrough
We’llbothbeoutcasts
Thestarswhisperedtomeyourname, thoughyou'llneverknowwhoIam-or whoIwas-thoughwemaynevermeet. Theytaughtmehowtorememberandhow tohope;howtoletgoandhowtodream.In myslumbersandinmywakinghours,you walkinthemall;youdriveallthatIdo;and youspeakintomyheart.Andatlast,asI nowpreparetoflyupandreachthosesame stars,IwanttheworldtoknowthatIwill neverforgetyou.
Wesitonburningmetalchairswiththedark greenpaintchippingoff.Theheatfromthesun absorbedbytherustymetalbrandstheundersides ofoursweatythighs.Seatedshouldertoshoulder, kneetoknee,stucktogetherbythemoistnessof ourperspiration.Theitchyfabricoftanktopsdig theirwayintotheskinofourbacksidesyet neitherofusfeelcooledenoughtofixit.My warm,sun-filledheadisheldupbyyourexposed, sweatyshoulder.Ourdarkhairsoakingup sunlightandsubsequentlyburningourscalps.The fruitbowlonthebrownwickertableistotally swarmedbyflies.Awarm,shinyplumsitsatopa moundoforanges,apples,andotherfruitsofthe sort.Ipickuptheheatedfruitandbringittomy dry,parchedlips,bitingintothesunpoisoned plumwithathirstforitsfeverishsweetness.The juicedripsfrommyfingersandscaldsmypalm andwrist.Andwecontinuetopassthroughthe summerwithequallyscorchingmomentsof tendersilenceaccompaniedbyourburning bodies.
Assnowmelts,afireignites
Twoheartsjoined,theirpassionsalight Springbringsnewbeginnings,freshandwarm Love'sfragileconnection,likepetalsinstorm Insummer'sheat,thesun-drencheddays
unfold
Love'sintensity,itstouchbothfierceandbold Twosoulsentwine,theydreamofdaystoshare
Nomonsoon'spowercanwashawaytheircare
Asleavesturnbrown,ourbondbeginstofray
Beneaththegoldensun,fragilitydisplays
Intangledhearts,we'retrappedinendless fights
Fromwaltztochaos,love'sdanceshiftsinthe night
Inwintercold,wefindourlovingembrace
AsSnowfallsdownwerenewourlovinggrace
layinginyourarmsyouonceaskedmewhatmybiggestfearwas theoceanireplied
sodeepandvastandsomethingican’tfathomgettinglostin satisfiedyounoddedyourheadandwentbacktomeltingthemini m&msinyourmouth
soishutmyeyesinfrontofthetv
imaginedthatyouseethroughmeandyourhairswirlsupinthewater thatsurroundsme
treadingsoftlyandourlockedgazekeepsmeafloat
iholdmybreath
iremembertheairthenightyouleft
chillythoughtheheaterinmyroomwasonfullblast
thehourglassappearednexttoyournameonsnapchat
irealizedicoulddieafterthe564daysoflivingwhilewesentpictures backandforth
andinthatmomentwaterbegantoseepontomywoodenfloors risingrapidlysoiunplugmyheaterandwait
thebubblesstarttoshootoutofmynose
whilethesaltyliquidfillsmylungs
isquintatthisridiculousdetonatoronmyscreen
eagertoblowupallthetimewe’vespenttogethereverydayyou snappedmeyourbeautifulface
andnowisnapyoubackablackscreenjusttokeepusalive theverycanvasonwhichyouuseddifferentcolorstodrawmeyour heartandwritethosethreewords
istareatitsblanknessandletthememoriessinktotheoceanfloor
thestupidfireemojidisappearsnexttoyourname burningmyheartupwithdynamite
floatingdownamurkybrownriveroftearsonthisglassshard
aftershatteringmyheartintoamillionlittlepieces
everyveininmyneckpulsesinsyncwiththecurrent soyouaskedmeagain
whatdoyoufearthemost lovingyou sodeepandvast
somethingican’tfathomgettinglostin
itrytotellyou, thatyou’llfindusbetween graytrucksandsandybeaches, surroundedbyourmothers’screams; incoldleatherbackseats separatedbynothingbutasweatysheen. itrytotellyou, tostopprotectingmewithyourshield; i’mnobetterinaditch thaniwouldbeinanemptyfield; butyouuseyourfluorescenttemple tokeepmewell-concealed. itrytotellyou, idon’tknowwhatitallmeans; itgotblurredoutattheedges andallmessedupattheseams; idon’tunderstandwhatwe’redoing anditmakesmewanttoscream.
itrytotellyou, idon’tknowwhereitallwentwrong, whetheritwasfrompettyfights, orsingingthewrongwordstothatsong; buticanonlyfindyoufaraway awayfrommeandwhereyoubelong. shetriestotellyou, thatyou’retoosoftinyouroliveskin; yousaywecouldalwaysrenew, butithinkyou’relookingmuchtoothin; wecansleepwithourbacksjoined buttheysaywe’rebothbornwithsin. youtrytotellme, thati’mwaytoounsure; andishouldn’tbitethegunthatfeedsme, butyoupretendyou’rewaytoomature; stuckinyourcarpastmidnight, forcedtotakeanotherdetour.
butitseemsnothing’sstoppingme fromwrappingmyarmsaroundyou andkissingyou‘tilyou’resore.
I love you
And I know you love me too
Our bond is stronger than it seems to others
To hurt you has never crossed my mind
Why would anyone even think such a thing
Still I trust our love will prevail
What to do
What you could do
Talk to me
You say you’re not gentle with your words
But you speech gives you away
You put clowns and jesters to shame
Oh my dear Lord, speak to me
Let me tell you the truth
The truth about me
About my love for you
The truth about our dear friend
What to do
Just speak to me
We will overcome this small hurdle and persevere
Fate brought us together and we will fight to stay together
You may be a soldier
But I’m a fighter as well
I will fight to the end for our love
Even as you push me away
Or run away
Or hurt me
Or even smother me
I will never stop loving you
Till death do us part
Oh what we could have been
Oh sweet sweet angel of deceit
As you slowly open your eyes and reveal your face, I realize I am your prey.
What to do
What to do
Our love was so great
It could be even greater with more time
But you are not really mine
My heart yearns for you entirely
Your were supposed to be mine
All mine
How could you
What to do
What to do
My body loses control as I hear the details of your scheme all along
How can I stop you
From scheming and lying to others
You are surprisingly strong
But my love for you is stronger.
I love you so
Even as your eyes hunt mine
I love you so
As your heart runs to another
I love you so
As your mouth opens to tell another lie
I finally shut it
Lie not to another
hatis,aswellasthevoidbetween heheraldoftruthandthegodof lies.Iriseandsetwiththesun,andyet whenitdoesfall,thepalemoonshinesby mybidding.Ipointwithmyrighthand, andorderandrationalityflourish;Iraisemy left,andchaosandconfusionfollowinmy wake.Iamallofexistence,anditscreator;I amnoneofit,andhisenemy.Iamtherein yourgreatestmomentsandyourhardest falls;Iwasthereinyoursweetestand bierestmemories;Iwillbetheref th,whetheryourfirstory youwillneverknowwho l l f I llnames,andalsono
thesizzlingofscrambledeggs
thepressureoftheyolk
crankingopenthewindow
sothesteamcomfortsthesidewalkbelow
keepingthepoisedpetalscompany
whiletheyhugthebladesofgrass
thecreasesofthechocolatechippancakes
mimicthecreasesofyoureyelidsthat
ibrushovergentlywithmythumbs
thescratchesonthetableitch
whereyoucarvedinheartsandsmileyfaces
tracingyourinitialsoverandoveronmypalm
holdingmyshouldersandspinningmearound swirlingfasterandfasterinthecoffeemug
overflowinguntilitdripsontothefloor
fasterthanmychestclosingin
whenyoutoldmeyouwouldn’tcomeback
butslowerthanmyheartbeat
whenyoutuckedmyhairbehindmyear
howcanilivewithoutyou
howcanibreatheinsomeoneelse’spollutedair suddenlyyoutouchmyknee
it’s ok
thenwhyamimemorizingtheway thewordshityourlips
asifi’llnevertouchthemagain intertwininglegsunderthewoodentable scootingyourchairbacktoaskformyhand liftingmeoffthecoldtilestodance
fourfeetdriftingawaytogether onlytwohitthebarefloor
thefliesrotinthesink
thesilverwaresetforone
crankingopenthewindow
tofillthemoon’scraterswithmysobs keepingtheflowersunwateredandshriveled forbiddentobewovenintoyourhair glancingattheflamesablazeonthestovetop theashespileontomyhead
thesootfillstheemptyseatacrossme youscreamdesperatelyfromthesidewalktogetout butthebeepingofthesmokedetectorholdsmesteady it’s ok.
iwillstayhere
ifitmeansicanhaveonelastmorningwithyou.
Dearbrowngirl,
TherearesomanythingsI’vebeenwaitingtotellyou
Thingsthatyourparentssaidnoonewouldsaytoyou Thingsthatwillchangethewayyouseeyourselfand yourvalue
Thingsthatyouneedtoheartodayandeveryday
Yourambitionandpassionaren’tfrighteningoroffputting
Yououghttobeproudofyourselfforyour accomplishments,despitethecommentsofpeoplewho seektounderminethem
Youroutspokennessisadmirable,neverbeashamedto speakup.
Youarenotunapproachable.
Youseetheneedtouseyourvoicebecauseyouhaveone, andthat’sagreatthing.
Yourintelligenceisagift,passeddownthrough generationsandfurtheredeverytimeyouchoosetoinvest yourtimeinyourstudies.
Yourappearanceissouniqueandbeautiful. Yourthickwavesofblackhairarenothingshortof extraordinary.
Thecarameltintofyourskinpaysduetoyourancestors whospentdaysinthesun.
Yourbodyisperfect,nomatterwhatyourextended familysays.
Yourdarkeyesaresomysteriousanddeepthatthey drawpeoplein.
Thedegreetowhichyouresembleyourparentsisa wonderfulreminderthatyouareconstantlycarrying theirprideandexpectationswithyoueverystepofthe way
Youarethebestthingintheworldinyourparent’s eyes–thoughtheymaynotalwaysshowit. You’rethenextgeneration–thegenerationthatwill makealloftheirsacrificeworthit. Alloftheirhardwork,allofthelatenights,allofitwas foryou.
Youcarrythatweighteffortlessly,thoughIknowit’sno easything.
Soonyou’regoingtorealizethatthethingsyouwish youcouldchangeaboutyourselfareyourbesttraits. Youwillseethatthoughyou’vegoneunnoticedand largelyignoredupuntilnow,onceyouappreciateevery bitofyourself,otherpeoplewillaswell. Thoughthemediaandeveryonearoundyouwould haveyoubelieveotherwise,yourcultureisbeautiful. Pleasedon’teverchange.
Iloveyoubrowngirl.
Playingwithfire
Whydoweplaywithfire
Isittheanticipationoftheburn?
Doweliketogethurt?
Maybeit’sjustthechase
Thesuspenseleadinguptotheclimax
Ortheslightburningsensationthatlingersafterward
Thepainisevidencethatwehavefeltcomfortor peacebefore
Itinstantlyremindsusofwhatoncewas
Whatlifeoncewasbeforethetragicincident
Beforethebreakup
Beforethefight
Beforetheendcrumbled,
Thememoryiswhatweholdonto
Itiswhatkeepsuspushingforward
Itgivesushopeformore
Morefire
Morelove
Moregoodmemories,butwithouttheabsenceofbad onestoo.
Somedefinedherhairaslikea raging fire
Shewastolditshouldnever burn herskin
Shedefinedherhairassomethingneedednotsimplywanted
Likesomethingperfectlyrightinother’seyesbutshewas blindbythe flame
Likeherhairwassomethingpretty suffocating hervoicewith smoke
Likea blaze caughtinherthroat
Shethoughtitwouldneveraffectherbutherbackis singed
Itwastimetoputthe fire out
Whensheheldthescissorstheyfeltlikea light sword
Herhairnowshort,curled,nolonger burning
Dancerscouldnotbepoets
Fortolockthemselvesinaroomandsitstagnantfordayson end
Wouldbeantitheticaltotheirverybeing
Yettheytry
Hidingtheirlaceshoes
Inauniversedesignedtounravelitself,complexstructures shouldnotexist
Certainlythecarbonsfusingtohydrogens
Andthehydrogenstooxygensandtheoxygenstophosphates
Violatessometenantwritteninamustyclassroomwherethe powderedchalkcracksanddripsfromthewall
Yetherewestand;adefilementofentropy
Cancrocodilescry
Ordotheyshovetheirtearsbehindtheiryellowteeth
Soothercrocodilescanspotthem
Andturnawaytoo,fortheyhavegrownwaryofcrocodiletears
IfthegatesofEdenfall
Leavingusplebeianstosquabbleforthefallenfruitsthathave longrotten
Wouldanyonelingerbythemarblepillarsandthinkabout:
Howtwophotonsremainattunedtoeachotheroveraninfinite distance
Howwearedependentonthefusionofhydrogentohelium
Whendancersrealizetheirfootstepssoundlikewords
Ifcrocodilescancry
(Iwould)
Audrey Qian
EditorinChief:AnikaGanesh'23
Co-Vice-Editors:AbigailCallaghan'24and NinaNehra'24
Secretary:JessUmoren'23
Editors:
JadenChen'23
AleenaKelkar'23
KatherineGuo'23
AudreyQian'24
SarahYan'24
ShifaEraj'24
SherryWang'24
YifanYao'24
JuiBhagwatkar'24
ElianaHolerca'24
ChloeEscanillas'24
OjurereoluwaKassim'26
Specialthanksto:
Ms.Angelos,ClubAdvisor
Dr.Loy
Dr.Chodl
Ms.Bautista-Burk
Mr.Domanski
