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*PUBLISHED WEEKLY
March 6th, 2019
VOLUME LVII ISSUE VEE 50¢ NOD TEN TIMES WITH YOUR HEAD IF I AM THE WINNER
CHARADES TOURNAMENT ENDS IN STALEMATE AFTER JUDGE'S PANTOMIME RULED INDECIPHERABLE NIFTY KNITTER DRAMATIC AND ACROBATIC
SOUTH PLAINFIELD — The Northeast Regional Charades Tournament came to an ambiguous finale this past Sunday after no one could interpret the judge’s decision, which was naturally relayed in the medium of pantomime. The judge, seasoned charader and retired Kohl’s sales associate Janet Bernbaum, had been a regular competitor at the competition until last year, when a herniated disk prevented her from competing. The years of bending over to pick up discarded Chaps dress pants and Jennifer Lopez tunics from the floors of her neighborhood Kohl’s took her out of the sport she loved. But after the passing of the previous judge, Rodney Clarkson, she assumed the role as judge of the NRCT with the support of the majority of the regular charaders.
[BUZZ GESTURE] [Indicates you have the x-factor]
Janet exuded wholehearted excitement to judge this year’s tournament, as expressed in her interview with us, “[holding three fingers] [holding one finger] [hand motions extending outwards] [holding two fingers] [hands pinching her own
cheeks] [holding three fingers] [kneeling to the ground to kiss the floor].” Though no words were uttered in response to the questions asked, Janet made it clear that her commitment to charades allowed her to act as an impartial judge. Continued on Page 2
ACADEMIA IS WHACKADEMIA
HISTORY MAJOR AND POLI SCI MAJOR FIGHT TO DEATH OVER FUN FACT RICHARD HERTZ CAN'T TAKE THE FEET
NEW BRUNSWICK — Anyone who has ever taken a History or Political Science class knows that there is usually that one obnoxiously studious individual that can’t wait to throw in their little trivia droppings whenever an opportunity presents itself, sometimes even making their own opportunity to do so. However, sometimes there are two or more of these types of students present in a class, and things can get pretty ugly. This past Friday afternoon, there was an incident in Van Dyke Hall on College Ave where two of these pretentious poindexters got into an altercation during a politics in the Middle Ages Course. The two
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MERMOMS ARE MOMS, TOO! Gills and a career? You can have it all!
students were identified as being major. The day started out as normal Gregaro MacDonald, a third year as any other, the professor began to History major, and Donald White, go over the lecture materials and a second semester Political Science Continued on Page 2
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