The Medium 10/9/2019

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*PUBLISHED WEEKLY

October 9th, 2019

VOLUME LVII ISSUE VI 50¢ CHICK-FIL-GAY

CHICK-FIL-A RENAMES “FRIED CHICKEN”: “PRIDE CHICKEN” HARRY NUTTSAAC GOTTA MOW THE LAWN

Although Chick-Fil-A is probably the most famous and profitable fast-food chain in America, they are still desperate to make sure every single human being eats their food. The biggest group to oppose their amazing chicken sandwiches has been the gay community, who are pissed because some old white guy said something homophobic back when homophobia was kind of just a regular staple of any conversation. CHIMKEN?!?! So, trying to swing them onto their Sexy Fried Chicken side, Chick-Fil-A has renamed community have pointed out even from other restaurants; Mike all of their chicken meals "Pride that this is just a poor corporate Pence said that it was disrespectful Chicken". You got your pride attempt to get more money: Ellen to all fellow gay men who take it up chicken sandwiches, pride chicken DeGeneres said on her show that the butt on a regular basis. nuggets, pride chicken wraps, she wouldn't be going, before The Medium sent me to pride chicken and waffles, all of breaking out into her next weird interview students about how they which come with a courtesy threetween dance; Neil Patrick Harris would feel if we got a Chick-Fil-A foot by five-foot rainbow flag. vowed off all kinds of chicken, on campus now that they've very Some figures in the gay Continued on Page 2

MY KIND OF BLACK HOLE

WHAT WAS THOUGHT TO BE STARS ARE ACTUALLY GOD’S GLORY HOLES DICK VEINY ALMOST TOO VEINY

After millennia of existence, astrology - the pseudo-science of studying the stars as a way to describe an individual’s personality and predict possible opportunities and challenges in the future (among other things) - is on the sharp decline after what was thought to be stars in the night sky was revealed to actually be God’s glory holes. The Russian Government released this news the other day because NASA is so underfunded, there’s no way the Americans could have figured it out first. The Russians revealed that they are not sure which God or even if it is several Gods that made these holes, but they can confirm that what we thought was “The Milky Way” was milky for

an entirely different reason and composed of something that was very much not rock. Great activity was also found in the area of a “star” that was thought to be dead, which is why they investigated in the first place. It was upon sending up a team to

check on the star that they realized that these were just holes in which God used to be serviced for his own sexual pleasure. At least, this is a polite form of how the Russians put it. Apparently the sight was so gruesome, all the astronaughts Continued on Page 2

Butt Sniffing Since 1970

QUICKIES

Woman Ghosted Man in Spirit of Halloween

Lonely Girl Raises Hand Just to Emotion Dump on Professor Daniel Day Lewis Caught Walking at Night Hey Guys, War Crimes are Bad Actually Rutgers Student Goes to Game Only to Scream "Fuck Penn State" Real Talk: My Floor Group Chat Really Needs to Shut the Fuck Up. Stop Flat Shaming Earth It's Officially Real Neighbor Hours CRAZY 4 COCK


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