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Rutgers Entertainment Weekly www.rutgersmedium.com
Volume XLVI Issue II
50¢
SEPTEMBER 25th, 2013
YOU HAVE MY SWORD
LEGRAND THE HERO RUTGERS DESERVES; THE ONE IT NEEDS RIGHT NOW BY CORRIDOR MAN EDITOR-IN-CHIEF
NEW BRUNSWICK, NJ-- New Brunswick legend Eric LeGrand officially hung up his football jersey last weekend and will now don his hero cape for good. Number 52 was spotted earlier in the week using his new mech suit to rescue a family of kittens from a precariously tall oak tree. Wielding his scarlet blade, LeGrand has raised spirits and community standards all over campus. The Rutgers Police Department’s own Kenneth Cop lauds LeGrand’s crime fighting efforts and attributes recent drops in violent incidents to the former football star. “People feel a lot better with Eric on campus,” he said. “Not only does he serve as a role model to all, but his giant robot body and sword also help this city too.” When he’s not helping prune Rutgers gardens or escorting the elderly across the street, LeGrand has been seen deal-
OUR GREATEST HERO Speculation exists that Stan the LX Driver will be LeGrand's sidekick.
ing justice to the hoodlums and iron fist in the face of those who thugs trolling New Brunswick want to do us wrong,” said Rutstreets. “He’s a shining star for gers football coach Kyle Flood. our students and alumni, and an Continued on Page 2
CHEWBACCA IMMUNITY
U. Outraged at RUPA’s "Free OJ" Event BY DR. TOSSED SALAD PERSONALS EDITOR
NEW BRUNSWICK-- Students across each campus quickly concentrated together Tuesday morning, after hearing about RUPA’s morally questionable “Free OJ” event. Protests on each campus began soon after RUPA set up their tables at 8:00am. “I just can’t believe there are people who want him out of jail,” Joshua Williams told The Medium on site at the Livingston Student Center protest, before asking to remain anonymous. “Like I get it that he was acquitted from the murder trial, but they finally got him in jail for something and now RUPA wants to get him out, the glove just doesn’t fit with this one.” RUPA had been promoting the event for the last week, saying that they had a “sun fresh” and “100 percent natural” surprise for everyone Tuesday morning
PROTESTERS UNITE AGAINST RUPA'S INTENTIONS Students speak out against the release of the convicted fellon OJ Simpson. Rutgers University Programming Association reconsiders their "Free OJ" events.
on all campuses, before releasing late Monday night that they would be having their Free OJ event to start off the morning with a bang, saying, “We want to keep everyone safe this week, so we will be getting OJ to everyone on campus.” Megan Edwards, who was fortified with calcium, told
The Medium, “I didn’t get why they thought OJ Simpson would keep us safe, just didn’t make sense so we had to act, we had to protest this bullshit.” RUPA’s explanation, which we do not believe, was that they wanted this to be an event like their famous Continued on Page 2
Written with Love, Printed with Absinthe SInce 1970
QUICKIES
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