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Rutgers Entertainment Weekly www.rutgersmedium.com
Volume xliii Issue I
OH, THE TIMES, THEY ARE A-CHANGIN'
SO MUCH RUTGERS NEWS IT CAN'T ALL BE PRINTED
BY THE KILLA WHALE & STUNAMI NEWS EDITORS
EVERYWHERE—Since the end of the Spring 2012 semester, there have been numerous incredibly important and wellknown events which is now making it difficult for the media to keep up with the influx of news. In June alone, there were so many things that caused catastrophic changes to the Rutgers bureaucracy that they are still on back log to be reported. "I don't even know how to begin my classes or start to explain the new procedures and the major happenings that have climaxed into a ridiculously different university atmosphere," said engineering Professor Roger Peterson. Between the overly obvious and the barely noticeable changes, it's apparent that students were in a state of shock when returning to campus last week. Senior Deborah Upton, 27, has been attending Rutgers for nine years and expressed her concern for the overwhelming
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september 12th, 2012
NEWS QUICKIES
Inflation Raises Campus Prices That's right. Our paper now costs $0.75. You can pay the nearest receptionist or take a walk to Records Hall and pay for a full semester at the registrar.
New NFL season gives women a reason to Google the rules
RADICAL ALTERATIONS Note the major differences and clearly noticeable changes done to the School of Communication, just a small portion of the mass of news.
amount of physical, internal, and structural changes. "When I came to my first class on Douglass last week and looked around I was totally taken back by all the things that happened while I was gone," said Upton. Students attempting to read the uncomfortable amount of stories published in the Daily
HORSE-ING AROUND
Women like Senior Dawn Trenery are beginning their annual study of professional football rules again. "If I want to keep up with my boyfriend and his 13 fantasy leagues, I need to know the difference between a field goal and a touchdown," said Trenery.
Student Hopeful He Can Break Last Year's Neatness Record
Targum this past week were stopped short because issues were, in the words of one freshman, "too long," and thusly he "did not read." Junior Jamal White will be RUTV viewership doubled this past weekend from an av- attempting to surpass his previerage of one viewer to two. The ous record of three weeks with unprecedented growth in view- neat handwriting on written assignments and may even try to go an entire month without Continued on Page 2 skipping a class. Roommate Damien Beck said, "Nah, just nah...pushing it," as he lit up a cigarette outside of Murray Hall.
Equestrian Team Holding Clop-On Tryouts BY SUM DUM JOO HEAD WRITER
PISCATAWAY—The Equestrian team at Rutgers University is looking forward to another successful season and they are looking for more participants to hop the fences and join the action. “We are looking for horses that have a natural ability to move fast and jump high,” said human coach Walter Rathers. “Proficiency in gallop, canter, and leaping is a plus but not required. We will train anyone who has great potential.” Members of the team cite the great friendships they have made as an incentive to join. “micrulwrcrk985ewmjx8jc xnmasdasm,sjhadkjfsdmnazjz dcmdsmdaccdcckv,” said Team Captain Butterscotch in a written statement.
“Neigh. Hrrumph. Neigh. Wheeerrrrrrrr,” added team member Oreo, who had been red-shirted last year to train further. “Hrrumph. Brrrrrbp. Wheeeeeerrrrrrr. Neigh.” “I am looking forward to meeting the new horses,” said rider Greg Connel, a senior from Red Bank, NJ. “We are always looking for teammates. We don’t just work hard. We play hard.” Anyone interested in hammering on their horseshoes and attaching those padded things to their legs is invited to a general interest meeting at 6:00pm at the stables on Cook Campus. Horses are asked to bring their Fall 2012 class schedule and a bucket to assist with the required urine test. Carrots will be served.
Voted Best Publication ESTABLISHED 1970
Apple, Inc. announces an announcement of an announcement This Monday, expect big news for next Tuesday regarding the following Wednesday. There is no word yet on whether or not a conference will be held before the announcement. Editor's Note...
9/11 Memorial Issue Postponed Until Next Year