This paper may not be suitable for persons under 18.
Rutgers Entertainment Weekly www.rutgersmedium.com
Volume XLV Issue XVII
March 13th, 2013
NO FILTER
STUDENT at Party Instagrams Photo of Guy Puking Instead of Helping BY SUM DUM JOO EDITOR IN CHIEF
NEW BRUNSWICK--As a 'Freshman Only' kegger at 15 Hale Street began to wind down, one dutiful partygoer sprang into action as one of her fellow partygoers fell ill after consuming too much alcohol. "Kid just barrels through the house with his hand over his face and these little streams of vomit were going everywhere," said Monica Eckhart, a first year student from New Braunfells, Texas. "And, like, immediately I knew I had to follow him." Eckhart did the first thing she could think of as fellow first year Will McGovern released the contents of his stomach back through his esophagus: she pulled out her iPhone 5 and began taking photos using her InstaGram app. Instagram, a popular application for smart phone devices, allows users to take photos of themselves, their friends, or other human beings caught in embarrassing situations that are in
quickies
Fox Sports Refuses to Cover Left Field Spoiled Human Holds Out Hand Expectantly Under Manual Sink
Dalai Llama Visits Rutgers; Converts From Buddhism to Alcoholism
#THROWUP THURSDAY At least it's not an Instagram of his dinner. Oh wait...
the grand scheme of things too minimal to need to be remembered. The app then gets users to be creative by filtering the images or adding a pretty frame. "I got a really good angle, right next to the bowl!" exclaimed Eckhart, who stood in the restroom as McGovern
vomited five beers, three vodka shots, and the remnants of a Brower sub into the toilet bowl. "So many good shots. I couldn't really choose only one." McGovern, who had tried alcohol for the first time only weeks prior, could be heard Continued on Page 2
Behold! Satire!
One Direction, Justin Bieber Fighting to Trademark 'Faggot' BY Not a homophobe STAFF WRITER
HOLLYWOOD--In what has become a fierce and lengthy/ girthy court battle, pop star Justin Bieber and phallic-harmonic 5-some One Direction are each seeking to trademark their coincidentally shared nickname“faggot,” and its plural, “faggots.” Both artists recognize the word as inseparable from their respective work and careers, and each has cited the high association shared on social media and in informal speech. “#faggot and #justinbieber are practically synonymous,” Bieber told reporters Friday. “Search one and you’re bound to find the other.” “People have been yelling the word ‘faggot’ at our shows and appearances since we hit the scene," said Harry Styles of
50¢
One Direction. “It’s practically our informal band name at this point." Courts have been divided on the issue, and neither side is willing to forfeit their claim to the word. In the most recent court appearance, the judge dismissed the case from his jurisdiction. “Unlike ‘H.O.V.’ or ‘YOLO,’
you’re both faggots,” said Judge Larry Manders. “You can’t share this trademark. Unless one of you states that you are, in fact , not a faggot--which is highly unlikely." Experts have calculated that royalties associated with the word would earn the winning artist upwards of 100 milContinued on Page 2
It's just a word...
ESTABLISHED 1970
Hugo Chavez Dies; Ignorant Students Send Condolences to Every Hispanic Person on Campus Obama Disses Talking Heads: "I Was Never Really Much of a R.E.M. Guy Either," he Says Rutgers President Still Missing After 8 1/2 Months; Interim President Barchi Insists on Doing the Manhunt by Himself