Volume XXXIV, Number 11
November 20th, 2002
er! l pow Diese Monkeys are full of hatred.
....Good Luck with Your Dysfunctional Loser Families, From All Us Folks Down on The Medium
“Zing!”
Wednesday, November 20th 2002
A Serious Note - Ned Berke The Medium staff would like to take a moment to reflect on a very serious issue with its readers. Last week the editor in chief of Harbus, Harvard Business School’s newspaper, resigned citing personal threats and other harassment from faculty. A satirical cartoon had been run in the paper criticizing one of the schools computer systems – the administration reportedly most upset over the phrase “incompetent morons” (If you want to read an excellent summation and editorial of the events I suggest the RECORD – Harvard Law School’s newspaper: http://www.hlrecord.org/news/ 322714.html). What the Rutgers community may not be aware of is that such control over journalism and media by outside sources is becoming a more and more serious threat to democracy and freedom of speech. In this instance the administration of the Harvard Business School attempted to control the paper by holding the editor in chief personally responsible for all the papers content. The editor of the paper “claims that administrators also urged him to use Harbus writers to bolster Career Services’ image in subsequent issues.” This is a blatant display of irresponsibility on the part of the administration, but this isn’t just a unique and solitary occurrence. Many major newspaper’s and other news outlets are guilty of tailoring their content and bias to their advertisers. Some, including the New York Times, are even guilty of holding off or playing down important stories about injustice because their advertisers and contributors would certainly take a hit. It has become an increasing trend as newspapers have been forced to compete for readership that journalism is becoming a business and not an important outlet for freedom of speech and a service for democracy. Here in Rutgers University we happen to be blessed by that fact that many of our papers operate as a public forum for the students. In fact, a paper such as The Medium can only be found on less than a handful of campuses because of its often offensive and controversial nature. Every semester The Medium is forced to face certain obstacles in continued publishing, but we have been lucky and strong enough to fight on. To see other campus papers fall under the tracks of the enormous beast that is censorship is disheartening at the very least. It is for this reason that we have taken this moment to show support and solidarity for Harbus and other papers like it. It is important for students, faculty, and the general public to be aware of, and try to stop, events like this from happening again.
How to Decipher “The Review” Jim “Pink Eyed” Cortina Cunning Staff Linguist Clairol Men’s Natural Jet Black (M55) Caellian Editor’s Clitoral Piercing
8” Bicep
$468.95 worth of henna tattoo to impress “friend”
Deceptively strong wrist tendons
Webster’s defines poseur as: “a person who pretends to be what he or she is not.” Dictionary.com defines poseur as: “one who affects a particular attribute, attitude, or identity to impress or influence others.” A completely random example of this is using uncommon words in one’s writing to impose a superior (read: pretentious) image of oneself. Uncommon words can also be used in speech or writing to direct attention away from the fact that the speech or writing is a complete piece of scatological matter (nyuk nyuk; I made a funny). The use of terms not readily available to the common man’s vocabulary causes the reader to automatically assume that the writer is more intelligent than he or she. Guess what folks? Microsoft Word has a built in thesaurus. All you do is highlight a word, hold shift and hit F7, and voila, there is brought forth a wealth of words similar to those one is using. Simply pick the most obscure one, and you, too, can impress intelligence upon others. I’m not saying that writers do just that, but in a way, they are. They may not use Microsoft’s thesaurus to do so, but they hold a readily available stash of “impressive” words in their vocabulary, and wield them with force whenever the opportunity so arises. For the readers’ convenience, I have compiled a list of such words, so that you can read the Review, and just like me, laugh at their notions of cool.
Soft hands
Thesaurus
Former Medium editor Chris DeSarno’s favorite pants?
Ennui - boredom coupled with listlessness Anomie - social instability due to erosion of morals and values Foment - to initiate Antipodal – opposite Auteur – author (note: Another good way to impose intelligence is to simply substitute any etymologically French word for the normal English) Analogue - analog (note: if all else fails revert to the Queen’s English spelling of a word to make yourself look more intelligent) Savant - A scholar (another example of the etymologically French) can also mean an idiot savant (think Dustin Hoffman in “Rain Man”). There would have been more examples, but The Review hasn’t updated their website since September. But hopefully, this will entice you to pick up a dictionary, and not let those fear-mongers over at The Review intimidate you or fool you into thinking they are intelligent, or talented.
Ominous shadow
(Illustration: courtesy of the American Institute for Emotionally Charged Music)
Page Page Page Page Page Page
2 3 4 5 6 7
Ennui Anomie Foment Antipodal Auteur Analogue
Page Page Page Page Page
8 9 10 11 12
Cover by: Martin Babitz
ScrEmo! Savant Caellian Shmallian What’s Shaking?
THE
MEDIUM
CONTENTS
(Ol’ Pink Eye formulates here a near-brilliant critical reading of The Review, focusing on the hermeneutical ramifications their terminology has for the publication’s intrinsic valence as la revue de letters. Sadly, Jimmy boy’s ontological authority was castrated by morbidly prevalent misspellings. The natural, rightful spellings of the words in this essay have been restored in strikingly bold in order to present to you the glory that might have been – Ed.) Editor-in-Chief Managing Editor Business Manager Opinions Editor News Editor GMG Editor Arts Editor
Martin Babitz Ryan Beckman Mike Stanley #1 Osama Ben Schachtman Carol Hu Ryan Beckman Aija McKenzie
Faculty Advisor Personals Editors Photography Editor What’s Shakin’ Editor Online Editor Advertising Manager Staff Artist Senior Editor
Jeff Buechner Mike Stanley #2 Liz Finelli Amy Groark Michael Wyzard Mike Stanley #3 Carol Hu Amy Groark
THE MEDIUM is the entertainment weekly of Rutgers University. All articles are the opinions of the authors and are not necessarily shared by THE MEDIUM. Submission and business deadline is Sunday at 12:00 pm. THE MEDIUM is located in the SAC Cubicle N. All correspondence may be addressed to THE MEDIUM SAC Box 78, New Brunswick, N.J. 08903 or emailed to prometus@hotmail.com. Look real close...and you’ll get a nutsack reward in your fucking face!
Wednesday, November 20th, 2002
“trading spaces is coming, aren’t you excited??!! ”
send news articles to carolhu@eden.rutgers.edu
TRADING SPACES: RUTGERS UNIVERSITY EDITION by carol hu NEWS EDITOR
New Brunswick, NJ-- The fairly new TLC program, “Trading Spaces” has been rising in popularity, even though it is only in its 3rd season.
Free Raffle Tickets Will be Distributed to Rutgers Contestants Who Want a Change of Space Host Paige Davis Will Announce the 4 Lucky Winners On December 11th in the RSC MPR at 7 pm. Tickets Available at Rutgers Student Center on December 4th. Contestants must own place of residency of have signed approval before filming of show. Places of residency must be next to or very close in proximity. Rooms chosen must be at least 14’x14’ in order for camera crew to fit. Any furniture you do not want altered should be moved out of the room. Other details and formswill be given upon announcement of winners.
The object of the show is for two sets of neighbors to fully renovate a room in each other’s place of residency, with help from two designers, but there is a twist-- they have to meet a budget of $1000 and complete the project in two days. Rules also do not permit the contestants to see the rooms they are not working on, until everything has been completed. The downside is that they might not like their new room transformation. This program has been successful among all age groups, but with its funky contemporary flair, it has especially caught the eye of college students. Fortunately for us, they have chosen to host a college edition at Rutgers University. Contestant winners will be randomly drawn from a box, old-fashioned style. The winners will be announced at Rutgers Student Center Multipurpose Room, during an appearance by Paige Davis, the show’s hostess. Four lucky friends will be chosen to get a full room makeover.
The Fuckin' News by alex addison ANAL CONTRIBUTER
National: Jamaican Dub Scientists Invent Undanceable Rhythm KINGSTON, Jamaica-- In an unrelated development, reggae scientists have created a 4/4 beat that nobody can shake their ass no matter how hard they try. Thanks to a complex arrangement of Casio keyboards and tin cans, dancers may be puzzled for years to come. A similar experiment failed years ago when the "Macarena" became a worldwide craze, spawning memorable remixes such as the "Christmas" remix, which can be interpreted as Satan worship. Originally trying for a white-man proof rhythm, the experiment quickly changed direction after technicians realized that racism is gay. Beatologist Robert Mugabe commented, saying "Jah we dis done makka da rittum, da rittum fommadalanda Ras tafar i, dat idda erma went ko negna, supa, supa." Up against speculation that the US Government will ban the new rhythm due to pressure from mackdaddies Fidel Castro and Ayatollah Khatami, Mugabe said something like "only time will tell," but with an accent that I couldn't really understand because he's not American. International: "President" Bush Admits Faking Dyslexia CRAWFORD, Texas-- "Doing it for the first too years makes me sound smarter for the second half." Intratownual: Rutgers To Be Absorbed By Federal Gov't NEW BRUNSWICK-- 'Cause of to drastically falling standards of education, the national government has been asked to intervene in Rutgers' slide to the bottom of the heap. Educational institutions are typically handed over to higher authorities in such times of crisis, and this is no exception. Governor McGreedy's move to combine every goddamn university in the whole fuckin' state together and make "it" a "leader" in "health" "care" edu-"cation" precipitated the changeover. A protest is planned at 1 am this Friday in front of Olde Queen's Tavern. Heavy police presence is expected, but don't let that discourage you from starting riots of some kind. I'll be there! Rutgers Football Accomplishes Something NEW BRUNSWICK-- Riiiiiight
the first 50 people to sign up with trading spaces will receive a free hat! hurr y up! supplies may be running out while you are being a bum in your dorm room!
Archeologists’ Dig at Roswell Uncovers New Evidence of Alien Invasion by bryan mckenna STAFF WRITER
In what has become a startling new development in the scientific community, archaeologists affiliated with the Sci-Fi Channel have turned up surprising new evidence of extraterrestrial life: microscopic living creatures in the sands of the supposed “skip site” of the Roswell crash that remarkably resemble Gary Coleman. Trained men and women with shovels uncovered the dirt. In testing the samples for evidence of microbes, uncovered creatures between the size of a bacterium and a virus that resemble the notable character on “Diff ’rent Strokes.” The “skip site” is where the UFO supposedly touched down briefly before “skipping” like a stone on smooth water to its final crash site, unknown but believed to be 15 to 20 miles away. It is believed that the UFO may have carried these microbes in from outer space, or deposited them through a probe of some sort and then made its “final landing.” Gary Coleman could not be reached for questioning.
the average raindrop falls at seven miles per hour come to the medium meeting: meet in the front of the livingston student center @ 9:30 pm
“I hope you choke to death on the wishbone.”
Wednesday, November 20th, 2002
Meeting the Folks By The Mad Typer
CANT GET YOU OUT OF MY HEAD REMIX by Bert Steed
by The Writer’s Box Hey guys, I wanna talk to you all about something very important, eating pussy. I know that we are all students here for the purpose of bettering our future with success and wealth. However, I am a man who enjoys the simple pleasures of life and I am sure that even though all of you are in college for a different purpose, simple pleasures is what you all live for. This pleasure I am talking about is pussy eating. Ah, I remember the first time I ate out a girl, my mother was just as excited as I was. Being that I was born out of that puss, I was very comfortable with my mother’s woman hole, but still “I was very comfortable with the excitement was extensive my Mother’s woman hole” as I flicked my tongue all over my mother’s femininity. She said that I was good for a beginner but I think she was just saying that cuz I am her son (oh my was father ever so jealous). I just love eating pussy and there are many reasons why I do too. The way the pubic hair tickles my nose and gets in between my teeth. The way the pussy tastes salty and dubious. The way my tongue soaks up so much vaginal juice that all I can taste for weeks is cunt. Oh, how I love it when that happens. When the smell of the vaginal juice lingers on your fingers and mouth for weeks so that everything you eat tastes like week old pussy, especially when you’re eating a sausage (it’s like you’re eating a penis, but it tastes like a vagina!). I love to eat all kinds of pussy, but I really enjoy it when it is extra hairy, smelly and dirty. Smelly like when you’re pulling down the girl’s panty and the escaping heat hits you in the face. A heat so strong that it melts your pimples. And a stench so strong that it will kill the flies hovering
over it. Hairy like when you see the puss for the first time, you can’t actually see it, it’s like the girl’s giving birth to a baby with a full head of hair. A cunt with a large amount of thick tanglely hair where you can see that her pubic hair has spilt ends. And dirty, and I do mean dirty. Pussy that is so dirty that after you have eaten it you actually have dirt on your tongue. To me, these are the simple pleasures of life, not money, not success. No amount of money in the word can buy you the feeling of having vaginal juice glazed around your smiling mouth as you try to regain the feeling back in your tongue.
Family Circass
Mom! This isn’t what I meant when I said I wanted to play with my balls in front of you.
Meet us for this week’s Medium Meeting in front of the Livingston Student center at 9:30... tonight.... be there or suck a wang.
To tell you the truth, I can not lie Just thinking of her, there's jism on my thigh And just between you and me I masturbate while watching her pee
La la la... I just cant get you out of my hair Boy your crabs are all I think about I just can't get you out of my crotch Boy it's more hair than I dare to think about Everynight, everyday Just to be there in your curly Q's
Don't be so shocked sir, oh please I didn't mean to put you off ease But my johnson aches for her teenage snatch She's quite a looker, a 13 year old catch. All I'm saying is I want your daughter During her period, I want the blood like a slaughter Her tiny puckered ass, all up in the air I'll give you first crack, it only seems fair.
Won't you stay, won't you lay Stay forever and ever and ever and ever La la la... .net m u i d eme h t . w ww
Hello sir, how do you do? I've come to see your daughter Sue We have a study date at the library I apologize if I look scary
Oh there she is, she'll be home by eight It won't take that long to satisfy my ache She'll come home, all fresh and new Except she'll be sore, in her box and asshole too.
ww w.th eme dium .net
Send articles to CuteBoyAss@hotmail.com and/or RyanBeck@eden.rutgers.edu
ww w.th eme dium .net
by George Baxter One time I made my roommate laugh while he was gargling with Listerine. The obvious and unfortunate side effect of this was an eruption of Wintermint Tartar Control antiseptic jet streaming out of his nose. I thought, “at least he won’t get gingivitis in his nose”; he didn’t (This is the only existing copy look at it quite so optimistically. Forof the author’s (George Baxter’s) one nippled torso) tunately for me he was a little out of shape so I was able to get away when he chased after me, but that night he glued a beer bottle cap over one of my nipples. The next morning we had a good laugh, then I had to go to the hospital to get it removed. The nurse began laughing at me as soon as I took my shirt off. She apologized, but shortly after she left I heard muffled laughter outside, then a few nurses came in to “see if I needed anything”. I said, “Yeah I need this bottle cap off my nipple.” They unsuccessfully tried to contain their laughter and eventually walked out of the room with pink faces. When the doctor came in he hid his smile behind my chart. I was impressed at his lack of laughter. He told me not to worry and said they had some chemical that would dissolve the glue, he told me a nurse would be with me shortly and just to relax. After they left for a whileI got so bored I started flicking the cap to kill time. It was an interesting feeling, the sharp metal ridges gently poking around the edges of my areola as the small amount of air contained between the metal and my manboob created an odd popping noise. It was at this moment that I had the worst idea ever. I thought about going home and gluing a second cap onto my other nipple, then grabbing my roommates nipples as hard as I could in an attempt to give him the most painful purple nurple ever. After that all I would have to do is stand there and
et m.n u i d me .the w ww
laugh at him as he crippled his hands on the metal caps that saved my nipples from trauma. This fantasy came to an end when a horrified expression crossed face coupled with the mental imaged of him twistingthe caps and tearing my nipples off. The thought probably wouldn’t have been as bad if I hadn’t imaged an explosion of frothy beer coming out of my body. When the nurse came back she applied a cold, congealed liquid to me. The burning started before the chill could go through the metal and harden my nipple. I asked why it hurt so much. She told me she didn’t know and paged the doctor who decided that I must have been allergic to the solvent, which wasn’t working. When she left to talk with the doctore I decided to pick up some chocolate flavored laxatives and brownie mix on the way home. Once there I’d ask my roommate if he’d chip some money so we could split a fourth of an ounce of pot that I’d bake into brownies later that evening. This was the best of both worlds, I would get some money to help pay for the bill I’d be getting for this trip to the hospital and he would spend the night spraying liquefied shit all over the toilet. Without plotting to keep my mind off of things I was once again able to realize how terrible I felt. I don’t know if you’ve ever had a cast but it’s always itchy as fuck underneath them, well imagine that, but with a metal cap and an allergic reaction. I was scratching myself without any consolation, then I felt the worst pain imaginable. I looked down and saw the cap and the wrong side of my areola hanging down, I was forced to recall the time I had watched a show about breast implants on the learning channel, this looked like the part where they cut in. I freaked out for a moment and then for some stupid reason I decided, “hell, it’s already halfway off” and gave a gentle tug. I woke up some time later hearing quite a commotion. I looked around and saw the doctor and two nurses with masks on. Apparently they were unable to find the cap after it fell off, still clinging to my nipple, their best guess was that it fell down a vent that was on the ground a few feet from my bed. As a result I now only have one nipple, I feel like I have lost a great deal of symmetry, even when I’m wearing a shirt I have this lopsided feeling, it’s quite unpleasant, and I won’t even go into what happens when girls see it. Don’t worry though, I did end up making those brownies for my roommate and he did eat them all on two separate occasions. Some people just won’t learn until they get sent to the hospital due to excessive dehydration from my truly special brownies. He says his trip to the hospital was more eventful; you should ask him about it sometime.
Wednesday, November 20th, 2002
“Ad Disclaimer: This ad has in no way been apologized for by Targum Staff ”
“Drunk by noon and that’s ok, I’ll be president some day” Hey Danielle: This personal is to you because I hadn’t written you one this semester. I hope we can hang out sometime soon since we’ve been friends for a long time and it’s rather cool that we’re both at the same college now. Well, you know my number call me anytime you want to do anyh thing. Chris:“kiamde is my bitch, kiamde es mi puta”
To that stupid bitch that I heard talking on the F bus this past Thursday after 11am. You’ve got to be one of the dumbest bitches I’ve heard in quite a while. You said, “She puts all of her words into one syllable” now, HOW THE FUCK IS THAT POSSIBLE? I know you were complaining how your spanish professor doesn’t speak enough spanish, but I feel that you have a problem with the ENGLISH language. I so wanted to kick you out of the back exit of the bus after pulling the emergency switch to shut you the fuck up. SO STUPID! (Generalmente las estudantes en una clase no saben lo que piensan. ¡Ojalá que puede callar su boca! And for those who don’t speak spanish, get a dictionary!) Hey Optimus PrimeThanks for running the DC server, fuck all those haters and cock gobblers who try to keep it down or get it shut down. DC rules and so does OP. Bah-da-ba, bada-bah-bah, bah-da-ba-bah-da. Badabah-bah-bah-bah-bada-ba! Dear, EthanStay away from my precious and delicious third graders! With love: Brady (How rude, go find your own 3rd graders! In all honestly, why fuck a third grader? Brady, learn to be a man and pay for your sex!)
Hey bitch with the smelly feet, learn to wash your feet. I was on the L bus back from Busch on Sunday and this fucking whore smelled like shit, I hope you fail that test you were studying for. WHORE!
Personal of the...
angry This is to that fucking faggot who I used to be friends with, it’s funny how you tell your story and make me seem like the bad guy. Well I hope you enjoy getting rammed in the asshole by your gay lovers, did you come out of the closet yet? Everyone knows you love the cock because you only like the girls who are absolutely unobtainable but your love for man ass became more aparrent as time went by. You’re a waste of life because you’re a horrible person and that’s all it really comes down to, you lack people skills especially with females and I find it hillarious. You’re never going to find someone else and you’re never going to maintain any significant relationship with anyone of either sex since you lack a personality to top it all off. I’m glad were not friends anymore because I’ve got better friends now and you don’t do shit at RU besides jerk it and imagine you had my life.
to mike you are so cute. i can’t even begin to describe how cute you are. oh man you make me splurge in my pants. everytime I see you i can’t help but want your cock. leave your girl for me, or better yet just have her join us, i’m sure she’ll be up for it. and don’t take one of those other girls... from girl who desires mike (Definitely hot! One guy with two chicks, that is truely any mans fantasy. What a lucky man this “mike” is if this actually happens to him.) thank you for banning that art recitation stalker from the medium. he has shamed the man community with his nutlessness. (I must apologize that he is in this weeks paper, I promise it is his last time. From now on art boy is officially banned from the personals until he grows some nuts) recitation girl, ok i wont be scared anymore. MY NAME IS ALLEN and im shy... dont be scared, i only bite when you want me to
ceiling fan
sex
hot!
gun
fake plant
Panties
She’s got a gun, she’s topless and she wants you to submit personals to next weeks issue because it’s the last issue this semester. Don’t worry we will have 4 Full Pages of Personals so if you’ve wanted to say something all semester, say it now! She also wants you to come to this weeks meeting come by the Livingston Student Center around 9:30 today, Wednesday. Do it because she says so, and well, since she’s topless and has a gun. Will some body, SHUT another personal: I WILL THAT BABY UP?!? MARRY JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE...or atleast (Consider it done.) someone that looks like him Dear Rutgers football,
There are FOUR quarters in a (This would be a logical imfootball game, stop giving up possibility because Justin after the third. Especially if you only does guys, and same-sex marriages are Illegal. I guess (Allen, that was fucking pa- are winning. Morons. you’ll just have to dream.) (Next year... next year...) thetic. 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Submit your personals to:
stainey@witty.com
my personal: i don't care if you cut your mullet off, or shaved your p.w.t. facial hair, you, sean, are still a rude and vile individual, and my friend was oh so right when she told you that you fucked up a good thing. you really did miss Hey Erin: This is from the guy out...but then why can't i stop who sat behind you in spanish feeling that i may have as well class, you’re cool, stay cool. Felix: Take that stupid Oh yeah, hey to your roomie, fucking thing off your skull she’s quite cool as well. I’ll say so that you can have a decent hi and make sure you read this. life. (If that thing you are referring to is a visor, than you are right. Guys who wear visors are such dickless morons, who deserve to be shot at the base of their spines.)
Of course you do...
miercoles el 20 de noviembre 2002
To the girl I saw at the computer lab last monday (11-11), you really should call me, or email me. I want to talk to you more about fractals, and Jackson Pollack. You said, “Don’t worry, we’ll see each other again.” But I want to see you again soon.
to Staff Milton who wrote “why nelly wears that retarded bandaid on his face all the time”: wtf does ubiquitous mean? if i wanna read shit i cant understand i’ll just go to class! sincerely, yer mom. (Webster’s defines ubiquitous as: “Go get your own fucking dictionary, it would have taken less effort to look the word up than to write a personal and wait nearly a (If the girl of your desire has week for the reply, asshole.” a faster car than you, or In the future, we will refrain could beat you in a race, you, from using our quarter words my friend, are a loser.) on your nickel mind.) To that guy at that place on that “Suppose you were an idiot, day at that time. I want you to now suppose you were a stick your thing in my thing. member of congress, but I repeat myself...” Meet me there, then. Love, that girl across the street -Mark Twain from that place on that day. (www.ilovemartinscock.com) to the red eclipse racer girl on college ave, you are fucking hot. please marry me. you are in my economics class .ive admired you ever since i laid eyes on your poster at the gym. your pants so tight and you have such a great ass. and your not a FOB like the busch girls. i always wanted a smart hot asian girl with a fast car and a nice ass. you are so special.
Second to Last Issue of the Year 2002
"Oh, Tyler. I want your abortion."
Father Collins, for the last time to guys in general: why do i dont want to play bob for the you suck? you say and think that girls are the enemy and eucharist in ur pants the epitomy of evil, which we to that cute guy who keeps are but you guys can’t get bothering me to do work for things straight either, why do him: i'll do a job for u alright... you have to pretend to like us (OO! A job! Will it be car- when you really don’t? can’t pentry related?.. Or a busi- you stop wussing out and ness/paperwork type thing? simply tell us? it’s not that big Oh.. you mean sex stuff, dont of a deal to us - we get over ya?... She must mean sex things alot quicker than you stuff.) fools. Stop fooling yourself To Engineering, Albino Paul- you’re not that fucking great. why do you glow in the dark? -girl who’s confused about men (It’s probably because he’s gay. Gay people do strange to ugly gay guys: i feel for shit like that. Like theyre not you... how do you deal with human or something. Care- your lack of beauty? i know ful though, not all non-hu- the saying is that beauty on mans do strange shit. Like the inside is the only kind that matters, but when you’re gay the fats.. theyre just fat.) and the competition is fierce, what can you do but get plastic surgery? (You are mistaken about the saying. You see, to gay men, beauty can’t be on the inside. Us strongly heterosexual men have the nice soft, velvet like pink innards to look forward to on the inside. . . .is that pubic hair? Gay men, however, have a nasty wrinkly hole filled with To that fucking cockmeister in shit.) my Psych class. Are you still a virgin, cuz you are the dumb- to the freaky party animal: est looking person I’ve ever when making out with a seen, you really need to get laid girl...even if its for the sake of by a woman, unless you’re a getting ass...you do not try to fag, if that’s the case DIE!!! convince her to give u head by saying "you can practice on me Are you students? You can’t and i'll practice on you." while park there, the police will it doesnt sound that illogical in come...I have Heavy Hands a hook up such a phrase may how ‘bout you? I have heavy ruin the moment. hands you do to! For you my partner in crime out to avenge (Yeah, seriously, that’s such a cheesy line, if you want a the “heaviness” (Arm the tazers men, we’re girl to give you head, you put going to have an autism riot ruffees in her jungle juice, that’s the only real way she’ll on our hands soon.) If i see one more aZn chick on consent to it.)
to those weirdos that keep sending “ilovemartinscock.com” shit, why they hell do you keep sending those personals? i mean, i saw his pic in the paper last wk and he is pretty desirable, and acording to his statement, it would be quite difficult to refuse his cock since every boy and girl wants it. I WANT MARTIN’S COCK TOO! love, the girl who martin would love to do (You see, the thing is, those people who send in the ‘ilovemartinscock.com’ personals have had many a long, pleasurable nights with it. We, er.. they, enjoy its strong, long, hard member inside outhey’re tight innards. At and all times of the day we want Martin’s cock. And so they..err.. we.. er.. fuck.) www.ilovemartinscock.com to the moron from the party: a word of advice, you do not make out with a girl, then whisper into her ear, "you will do as i say, you will go into the bathroom with me and go down on me". If you think this is a turn on its not. and as you can see....all you received from that phrase was a girl laughing in your face! Yo, yo, forfeit the nuts before somebody chops ‘em off, lop’s em off, goes lorena, gets a knife and saws ‘em off, makes like jaws and fucking gnaws them off, before your ass gets geriatric and your balls get soft, wrap your testes in saran wrap stick ‘em up in the loft, in the attic, or tuck ‘em under the stairs, that way psycho bitches won’t be playing them like twin snares, so, yo, protect your nuts, tuck ‘em in your ass, protect your nuts, send ‘em on vacation first class, protect your nuts, yeah yo protect your seed, keep your nuts on the DL until they need to be freed...protect your nuts, all my niggas cop ya nuts, protect your nuts, all my sistas stay away now, protect your nuts, yo protect your nuts...peace, I’m out...real gansta shit, protect your nutsack brooklyn, one... (That was the creepiest freestylin’ I ever did read, your cock just really needs to get freed, Just be glad you don’t get paid, man oh man, please get laid, homosexuals are extremely gay, and, thats, all I gots to say.) F U C K I T Y- F U C K - D E FUCK-FUCK
Free Abortions for all of you dirty Jersey whores at the Medium meetings, Wed 9:30 pm in front of LSC Why are you so cruel and mean to people? do you enjoy bashing people who You think are lower than yourself? well i suppose it’s okay since you are smarter than most people, but it doesn’t give you the right to plot for mass anal rape of your housemates. I’m writing this for them, I’m trying to protect their assholes for me. Don’t worry you’re not the only one trying to get “ass” from your house.” To all the black people that go to this school. Yall are the fakest bunch of African Americans I have ever seen in my fucking life. Half of yall act like yall are gangstas and never even been in the hood. Someone needs to slap the shit out of you quickly. The other half act like they white and talk about how they hate niggaz from the hood. Id rather chill with a bunch of white people from west bubblefuck before I would chill with any of you. Yall all are a bunch of fucking geeeks who are fake as hell. To the few real niggaz and bitches out there, watch out for these fake ass lames, because they are everywhere, Shit you probably chilling with one of them right now while you are reading this. Hey Bill: I said I’d send you a personal so here it is. You know I might need to skip our econ exam because of a migrane haedache and I have a note from Hurtado, think I’d be able to make up the exam?
to guys in general: if a girl is giving you hints that she is no longer interested in a relationship of any sort why dont you wake up and realize it? yes it is easier to be told straight out. but do you really need the specifc words if its so very obvious? (Hey listen, you slut-bag, cunt-whore. Don’t fucking blame us because you can’t decide what you want and CAN’T come right out and say it. Your ‘signals’ are most likely fucked and no where near as clear as you Fuck you, you psychopathic Alpha Sig loser. You are the biggest LOSER that I have ever met in my entire life. You are fat, ugly, repulsive and pathetic. No wonder you’ll never have a girl. How in the world could you have ever thought that I would be with you? Why don’t you go fuck yourself, fuck your goats, have a sex change operation and then have your own daughter named Madeline! I would rather sleep every guy in this fucking University before I would even entertain the thought of being with someone as sorry, pathetic and disgusting as you! (Wow, this guy must be a pretty big loser. That or really fat, or ya know he could just be a Jew.)
www.themedium.net
Busch campus that looks like motherfuckin jailbait, i will just cream my pants! Why in the hell am i only attracted to girls that look like they’re 12 mother fucking years old!!! (Because at 12, they can’t get pregnant, especially from ass sex) this is to the dumbfuck who stuck freshly chewed gum under the table at dell #162 in the CAC computer lab. thanks to you i got your saliva-stained wrigley's smeared all over my only good pair of jeans. can't you wrap it up in one of the million sheets of printer paper that get thrown out every day, asslicker? i hope someone jams a nice minty stick of winterfresh up your urethra.
To that smelly 40 yr old Indian Cunt in my Accountung class who never shuts the fuck up and thinks she knows it all. First off,you dont know shit and secondly 7-11 or Texaco wouldnt even hire you because your too stupid to figure anything out on your own..on a more pleasant note if i ever see you alone i would love to rip out your eyeballs and place one of my nuts in each socket and giz all over your smelly wrinkly body
obligatory tit shot
To that hot girl with those perfect tits I just want to grab, squeeze and lube up with some lube. There are so many dirty things I want to do to you, and I can’t wait to do them to you.
J-e-t-s, Jets! Jets! Jets!
Submit all of your personals to the last Medium of this semester.
stainey@witty.com And that man is... ME!
“A.D.I.D.A.S.”
Wednesday, November 20, 2002
3rd Strike: Lost Angel Promo By: Raoul Dan, Staff Beerman
What is to be said about 3rd Strike that hasn’t been said already about other bands? 3rd Strike offers nothing new in their promo, simply standard issue rap/metal fusion. As a whole, they sound very similar to P.O.D., and their lives on the streets of urban LA may have attributed to that. Overall, there is nothing too groundbreaking or exciting about the band. It’s difficult to find a way to separate them from the other corporate rock bands of today. But that’s not to say the music is bad, however. It serves its purpose, just like that fat girl you hooked up with while you were drunk. But it’s not something you brag to your friends about. 3rd Strike’s debut album, Lost Angel drops May 7th, but don’t run to the stores to pick it up. While it is download worthy, I wouldn’t advise putting out money to listen to them. I give them a 3 out of 5 keg rating, which is just average. But I’d hesitate to call 3rd Strike out, because at least they have some balls (I would like to apologize for that last line, but according to The Reviewer’s Code of Conduct, I must use the band’s name in at least one crappy pun. -RD)
Evil Acid Trips By Rabbi Kosher Never Take Acid, this is a result: Okay, so there I am right, I’m in this dark deeply dark dark room, and the next thing I know this giant 5 foot squirrel appears, u wanna know what he says to me, he says “use the force Vader, use the force” so naturally I’m just like “NO, its Luke, Luke is the one who uses the force” the next thing I know, this squirrel starts screaming at me like he wants to chew on my nuts for a little bit, so know what I do? I bite his nuts; give him a taste of his own medicine. He bitch slaps me and threatens to pimp me out. And, as the story goes, I’m in squirrel land giving nut jobs for a buckfitty each. Until one day this debutant of a squirrel comes up to me and blows its load all over my face. And, just like the tortoise and the hare story where the hare goes out and kisses the tortoise and the tortoise turns into a beautiful princess. That very same story happened to me. That squirrel turned into a terrorist who wants to dress me in nothing but a shawl and whisk me away to a far off land of Shangri-la, where squirrels run free and the white man tries to keep them down. But I tell you this as the salty cracka of oppression the black panthers will not stop until you stop raping our women, pillaging our villages, or inner cities, or ghettoes, or dumpsters, and then u can stop whipping us “PLEASE MASSA NO!!!” Sorry just some memories of my slave days, now I know what you’re thinking, I’m nothing but a white man, but my momma’s momma’s momma’s momma was black. So that makes me colored enough to be Jewish right. And that’s another thing, all of us Jews out there are coming out, no not out of that gay closet that a lot of people think about but the other closet where we will replace black people as the angriest race, Puerto Ricans as the most ghetto race, AzN’s as the smallest penis race, and Native Americans as the race that no one cares enough about to be racist to. My Cult leader, Malcolm Rico Ying Sitting Bull Goldman, will not stand for any of this and the Jews will have their day! So, I guess in conclusion, anything with “Easy” in its food name has to be good. Think about it, oh yeah, think about it. submit to shorty_fat_fat@yahoo.com and come to the meeting, tonight in front of the LSC, 9:30 pm
ArtsArtsArtsArtsArtsArtsArtsArtsArtsArtsArtsArtsArtsArtsArtsArtsArtsArtsArtsArtsArtsArtsArtsArtsArtsArtsArtsArtsArtsArtsArtsArtsArtsArtsArtsArtsArtsArtsArtsArtsArtsArtsArtsArtsArtsArtsArtsArts What’sShakin’What’sShakin’What’sShakin’What’sShakin’What’sShakin’What’sShakin’What’sShakin’What’sShakin’What’sShakin’What’sShakin’What’sShakin’What’sShakin’What’sShakin’What’sShakin’
New York Wed 11/20 - DJ Shadow - Roseland Ballroom Wed 11/20 - Shakira - Madison Square Garden Wed 11/20 - The Ataris, Sugarcult Irving Plaza Thur 11/21 - Triumph the Insult Comic Dog - Bowery Ballroom Thur 11/21 - Mirah - North Six Thur 11/21 - Peter Gabriel - Madison Square Garden Fri 11/22 - Saves The Day - Roseland Ballroom Fri 11/22 - Cex, Stars As Eyes, Black Dice, Numbers - Knitting Factory Fri 11/22, Sat 11/23 - Soulive - Irving Plaza Sat 11/23 - Blondie - Roseland Ballroom Sat 11/23, Sun 11/24 - Ani DiFranco Beacon Theatre Mon 11/25 - Saint Etienne, Dot Allison Irving Plaza Tues 11/26 - Floetry, The Roots S.O.B.’s Wed 11/27 - Flag of the Shiners (feat. Chad from Dispatch) - Knitting Factory Fri 11/29 - Sonic Youth - Irving Plaza Fri 11/29 - The Roots - Knitting Factory Fri 11/29, Sat 11/30 - Luna - Bowery Ballroom Sat 11/30 - Hot Tuna - Beacon Theatre Mon 12/2 - Kool Keith, Zion I - Knitting Factory Wed 12/4 - Ben Folds - Beacon Theatre
New Jersey Thur 11/21 - Blind Guardian, Symphony X, Judge Drain Birch Hill Fri 11/22 - Sevendust, 30 Seconds To Mars - The Tradewinds Fri 11/22 - Highway 9 - Stone Pony Fri 11/22 - Bouncing Souls - Krome Sat 11/23 - East Coast Professional Wrestling - Lake Hiawatha Sat 11/23 - Joan Jett & The Blackhearts - Morristown Community Theatre Sat 11/23 - Bowling For Soup, The Youth Ahead - Stone Pony Sat 11/23 - Glassjaw - Krome Sun 11/24 - The Vines, The Music, Seether - Birch Hill Tues 11/26 - Star Spangled - The Saint Wed 11/27 - SR-71, Blowup, Runaway Orange - Birch Hill Fri 11/29 - Nerf Herder, Ultimate Fakebook - Krome Fri 11/29 - Fri 12/6 - Yo La Tengo - Maxwell’s Sat 11/30 - 2 Skinnee J’s, Borialis, Buddha Tribe - Stone Pony Sat 11/30 - Catch 22, Stretch Arm Strong - Rexplex
Send events to orgykarma@yahoo.com