A Recent US Study has shown that Rutgers University has the “dirtiest sluts of all US Public and Private Universities”
You’ve never been to a college party, unless you’ve been to a Rutgers Party!
“Hey, is that star supposed to be an asshole?”
Opinions Opinions
My “small package” at the Post Office, or: Why I love The Medium By: Michael Stanley Editor-in-Chief
Wednesday, November 12th, 2003
“Just Because I Rock Doesn’t Mean I’m Made of Stone” - (Hank - AKA Jim Carrey in Me, Myself, and Irene): The Burdens of Being Beefy by Aija McKenzie, Opinions Editress
So this past Monday in the mail I received my what I’ve been looking forward to for about three months, Upright Citizens Brigade Season One on DVD. Upright Citizens Brigade or UCB was one of my favorite TV shows when it was on Comedy Central back a few years ago. Like many great shows the program was killed after three seasons when it seemed that the show could have gone on for much longer. I’m sure if you all thought for a second you could think of a TV show you loved and you thought it was cancelled too early. UCB is one of those TV shows for me. Comedy has always been something that I’ve enjoyed and now I’m lucky enough to be Editor-in-Chief of the comedy/satire paper at Rutgers University. What I enjoy about The Medium is how we are able to say things that people think, and push the envelope while entertaining the entire Rutgers community. Whether you like us, or hate us chances are you’ve heard of us or read part of the paper at some point in your time at Rutgers. Some people don’t understand what the Mediums purpose is, the purpose of the Medium is “to compose and distribute a weekly entertainment publication, which shall be entitled The Medium, for the consumption of Rutgers University community.” This is straight from our constitution, Article II. I believe that this semester we have helped entertain the students and many others with our bi-weekly newspaper. I am proud to be the Editor-in-Chief of The Medium.
The Liberals Hold Us Back PART II by Vinny G. I write this letter in support of our president George W. Bush. Mr. Bush has brought honesty and integrity to the world. His candor and sincerity should not go unnoticed. Since Mr. Bush took office nearly three years ago, he has defeated terrorism by capturing Osama Bin Laden and Saddam Hussein. The liberals complain that thousands have been murdered due to the Iraq war, but I believe they are being utterly selfish. If thousands need to die, so we, as Americans, can be safe, then so be it. Everyone knows Americans are more important, and hence can do whatever we need to do to feel secure. We were attacked on 9/11, and no country in the world has gone through anything as bad as we have. Mr. Bush has every right to attack as many people and as many countries as he wants to bring back American security. With Mr. Bush in office, I truly feel secure. Saddam Hussein and his government killed their own people. So by killing Hussein’s government and their people, everyone is hit in one shot. We know for a fact that every Muslim is a terrorist, so with the Patriot Acts in play, we can get them all. We are the greatest country in the world, and it is time people understand we can do whatever we want. We need organizations like Israel Inspires, with their “Day without Hate”, because we stand for peace. Not Hate. These goddamned liberals need to shut up and step aside while we fight for our liberties.
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Cover by: Michael Stanley
9ine X XI What’s Shakin
MEDIUM
CONTENTS
Let me first start off by explaining what it means to be beefy. Primarily, being beefy has to do with size, referring to any girl that doesn’t fit the conventional beauty mold. Girls) that are a little taller, a little more muscular, or a little huskier than those in Cosmo. You know, beefier. Instead of having that waif, hungry look, beefy girls are built tough like Ford trucks. More importantly, beefiness is a state of mind (you can be the tiniest girl ever and still be a Beefarina at heart). The willingness to fuck shit up is a big part of being beefy. Along with that comes a sense of confidence, leadership, and a demand for respect. One of my (beefy) friends is in a class about gender, where her role comes up a lot. Once, while on the subject of rape, one of her classmates told her that she “shouldn’t be afraid of rapists because she plays rugby.” What the fuck? God forbid, if she got raped, is it her fault that she can’t fight off her attacker? Last time I checked, rapists don’t always show up empty handed. What’s she gonna do, tackle his knife/gun out of his hands? It’s bullshit. Apparently, being a tough girl means you’re exempt from being victimized. The other stereotype associated with being beefy is being a bully. I swear, when it comes to talking to non-beefy girls, if I say anything less nice than “Ohmigosh, I think you’re SO great!” I’m being verbally abusive. People are so fucking threatened by the most petty shit. If there’s a girl that I don’t particularly like, all of a sudden I’m the big horrible bully. Sure, you could say that if there was a nonbeefy girl that did the same thing, people would label her a bitch. However, being labeled a bitch is better than being labeled a huge monstery aggressor, because even when you’re a bitch, you can still retain your feminine qualities. It’s bullshit. People also assume that beefy girls are born fighters. Last week, while relaxing to the Sunday night lineup on Fox, I received a phone call. It was an acquaintance of mine, asking me if I could come to his house. Apparently, some girl was about to get jumped, and he wanted me to come down there, and fight for this girl. Now, let’s just stop and think about this, shall we? I don’t know this girl, I don’t know these girls that want to kick her ass, and for all I know, she might be a conniving ass bitch who deserves to get her ass kicked. What the fuck am I, a thug for hire? I’m a (damn good) lover, not a fighter, especially when it’s for no reason. Beefy girls are getting the short end of the stick in this society. People don’t know how to classify us, or where we belong in the spectrum of gender roles. We’re clearly not men, but the fact that we don’t fit the patriarchal (fuck the patriarchy!!!) role of the ideal woman, well, it bugs some people. So people call us whores, dykes, bitches, cunts, all out of frustration because they can’t deal with us. The solution? Chances are, these assholes aren’t gonna change. And God knows that we won’t change for anything. Just realize, when people get shitty with you, that it’s because of their insecure attitudes, not your FSU lifestyle.
Retraction/Correction of some sort.... If you have any comments about last week’s “It’s Your Life” article by Adam A., please send them to Opinions@themedium.net and I’ll be sure to pass it a-liz-zong Editor-in-Chief Managing Editor Business Manager Opinions Editor News Editor GMG Editor Arts Editor Faculty Advisor
Michael Stanley James Cortina Ned Berke Aija McKenzie Jim Cortina Dan Migliore Paul Simpson Jeff Buechner
Personals Editors Michael Stanley Steve Toboz Photographer Steve Toboz What’s Shakin’ Editor Larry Cheng Online Editor Chris Holt Advertising Manager Ned Berke Staff Artist Pat McRoch Senior Editor Aija McKenzie
THE MEDIUM is the entertainment weekly of Rutgers University. All articles are the opinions of the authors and are not necessarily shared by THE MEDIUM. Submission and business deadline is noon, Sunday. The office of THE MEDIUM is located in the SAC - Cubicle N. All correspondence may be addressed to THE MEDIUM SAC Box 78, New Brunswick, N.J. 08903. This issue is dedicated to the downfall of the Patriarchy, plain and motherfucking simple.
Wednesday, Novembah 12th, 2003
“Don’t have sex with people you wouldn’t kiss in the mouth.”
Why Being a Freshman Fucking Owns
By Steph Miller So I’m a freshman. Bottom of the pile, the lowliest of the low, the scum of the campus. Yes, I was part of those packs of about 6-8 scared chicks trying to look sexy as hell walking into a frat only to trip on the front step. So you laugh at me. Go for it, assholes, because this is my one year where NOTHING I do matters. So maybe I fail my first few tests. Big deal, I’m adjusting! Perhaps I get caught drinking in the dorm. Oh wow, I didn’t realize that it was this serious! Oh mom, I’m sorry I blew $250 in a week, I’m still getting used to living on my own and a month’s supply of Cheezits looked like the right thing at the time! Ah, the beauty of “adjusting.” The one year “get out of jail free” card that must, must, MUST be fully taken advantage of. People get pissed at you, upperclassmen hate you, and your parents think you’re an alcoholic maniac regardless of how many times you tell them, “Seriously, I don’t party. I go and make sure my friends are okay.” No matter how well you behave, this shit will happen. So what the hell, have a CRAZY time and prove them right by being the biggest asshole you can be, because next year, you’ll be one laughing at that kid who found his limits and was carted off by the cops. Next year, you’ll have to “know better.” You’ll be done with the “adjustment process.” But you’re not yet! Be jaded and good and responsible (HAHAHA) next year. Do you work on time and go to more than one class a day later. This year, adjust. Adjust as much as you can. Adjust your alcohol limits to three times what they were in high school. Adjust to living in the freedom that is your cage-like dorm room with some asshole you hate. Adjust to being able to just call up a health center to get your shit checked out because you woke up in the room of someone you don’t know who’s snoring like a fucking bear in your ear. Adjust your cram skills to writing a five page expos paper overnight. These skills will be vital to your existence here at Rutgers for the next three to five years you’ll be here. I realize that once this year is past, I’ll join in the parade of college veterans shaking their heads and yelling “Fucking freshman!” out of car windows on Thursday nights. But shit, that’s a year away. I’m going to have a damn good time until then.
FUCK RUTGERS!!! By: Wally West Like all the other years signing up for classes I expected to get the shaft and not be able to sign up somehow as has been my luck every year. Before they screwed me out of the classes I wanted because of a computer error saying I did not complete the basic courses necessary for the classes I wanted, an unpaid parking ticket from two months ago or it’s just “not working”. However this year, the last year I have to sign up for this “education” is the best. First I called registration to ask them why there was a hold on my record. They were nice enough to inform me that they didn’t know, but thought I probably owed them money. I liked that. I don’t think I give this fine institution enough money to rape me already. I always felt like I could use some more sodomy in my life. This was a perfect opportunity. Sexless was nice enough to yell at me and then give me a number for the wrong cashier’s office to talk to. Another cranky Rutgers employee was nice enough to inform me that I was stupid for calling the wrong office. It took me ten minutes to find the right cashier’s office and then I was set. Well, not set, but they were happy to tell me I owed them $150 for, “I don’t know”. This made me very happy. I went over and gave them their extortion money, paid the nice lady so I could sign up for classes. Catherine, or Cathy to her fat lazy co-worker friends, was nice enough to tell me that I would still not be able to sign up until the following day because Rutgers systems don’t know how to work. I thanked her for extorting more money from me so she and her fat ass friends could sit around making fun of the students trying to better their lives. My rich day of pain done with for the next hour until another test I went home to pleasure myself, but not before I spit in her coffee. BE ON THE LOOK OUT FOR PART II TO THIS ARTICLE: WHERE MY MONEY REALLY WENT.
Editorials
Fucking Shit Up Worldwide?Or IS She? by Mike Wyzard Props of the week go to Vida Samadzai, Miss Afghanistan in the recent Miss World competition! The first Afghan mama in 30 YEARS to take part in a beauty contest and catching hell from the uptight folks back in her homeland. Vida’s got lots of balls doing this and deserves praise for opening the door to many future Afghan women showing some skin and letting themselves be exploited! But girl, put some meat on those bones! While Miss Afghanistan’s busy eating at the Pork Shack, submit to Opinions@themedium.net. While you’re at it, come to a Medium Meeting, tonight at 9:30, Beck 003
Slumlord- a look at half ass off campus housing By: Fat Beeeeesh When one thinks of living off campus they think of never ending boozing and partying it up, with having the same upkeep as your house at home. Instead, you rent a place where walls are held up by duct tape, fuses blow left and right, and you find fucking cats in your basement. Thank you Landlord who is supposed to keep up his end of the fucking deals and does some actual work around the house. Instead his work is driving in a hot ass Navigator and collecting checks. When you address a problem to the foreign idiot a response of “this is not good” is all that comes out of the dumb shits mouth. Eventually, repairmen come and do work and they expect you to give them a beer. Instead for having to wake you up at 8 am you just want to open up their mouths and piss down their throats. Do you have ideas for Slumlord? Please submit your stories, questions, comments, and opinions of having a big wet bite out of your ass every month. Off campus housing: where you’re better off living in a van down by the Raritan. Please submit any stories, questions, comments or still-born babies to opinons@themedium.net
NEWS NEWS
“Can’t wait ‘till my fro is full grown, I’l just throw away my do rag at home.”
Rutgers Football Undefeated (Seriously) By: Pete Rose
While Rutgers football is once again flushing bakery trucks full of dough down the drain in a less-than-successful season, many of you loser sports fans may be pleased to learn that despite this weekend’s loss to Connecticut, the Scarlet Knights are undefeated... from a certain point of view. You see, Rutgers is undefeated Against The Spread (ATS). Even though they lost 3 out of the 4 games previous to this weekend, they beat the gambling spread each time. If you’re most sports fans or an average shlub like me, you might wonder “What the fuck’s the spread?” Well, it’s not just your sister’s best move, it’s also something in gambling that makes it more interesting. Let me show by example: a few weeks ago, Rutgers played Pittsburgh. The bookies, er, oddsmakers figured Pittsburgh as a favorite with a spread of +16. That means they figured Pitt would beat the Knights by more than 16 points. As things turned out, RU only lost by 10, so if you’d bet on the Knights and the points, you’d have won that bet. The lesson, you can’t count on the Scarlet Knights to win, but if you steal some money from your parents you can bet it on our team and you’ll probably get it back!
In Advance of the Pope’s Death By: The Stew In case you haven’t heard, soon da’ Pope is going to fall over on his side, bleed from the eyes, shit his pants, piss his holy fruits of the loom and within a few hours be as stiff as he ever was whenever Luigi the altar boy clutched his little boy hands around whatever’s in those holy white Pope novelty undies. Now, apparently, the pope will be chosen through some Vatican pow wow with white smoke and black smoke and tons of guys dressed in red. Sounds like a Kubrick orgy, but at the end of three days or less there’s going to be a new pope and Satan told me it’s probably going to be Austrian cardinal C…….well who cares what his name is. Let’s consider the national background of Popes. The current grandpa of the Catholics is Polish and I am surprised that in all my twenty two years, I have never heard a polish joke about the current pope. I bequeath you all to send in Polish Pope jokes to the medium before John Paul II is all dead and stuff. Now consider an Austrian Pope. What do we know about Austrians? What Austrians do we know? Albert Einstein was Austrian; he came to America, developed a huge bomb and was partly responsible for micro waving a bunch of rice eating 90 pound girls with sideways fa’chinas. Austrian #2 will be Arnold Schwarzenegger. He came to America, became Mr. Universe, Conan the Barbarian, The Terminator, Pregnant and a Kindergarten Cop, and oh yeah, Governor of California, Not too shabby. Austrian example #3 will be both Siegfried and Roy. They came over with a dream of playing with overgrown felines and up until a few weeks ago was one of the longest running, highest grossing Las Vegas stage shows ever, for a bunch of fags. So, it seems that all of the Austrians I can think of became famous, which looks as if hey, maybe an Austrian Pope is a good idea; unless you don’t want someone associated with jap haters, cock smokers and buff guys with incomprehensible accents speaking to god for you. Tell me who you’d rather see at the head of the Catholic Church at the next Medium Meeting.
Wednesday November 12th, 2003
An Open Letter to Richard McCormick Unfair University Practices By: “Pink Eyed” Jim Cortina
Regarding
Dear President McCormick, I have a few questions for you regarding one of parktran’s Kaballahlike policies.You will find them in bold print. I would appreciate your answering them. A close friend of mine had a hold put on her registration and thus was unable to register for her preferred classes until they were all full, supposedly because of tickets she had recieved. Let me state that she does not have, nor has she ever had, a car on campus. As it turns out, the tickets were recieved by her brother, as a result of illegal parking during visits to his girlfriend. A brother who she has not lived with since the age of sixteen, nearly FIVE years ago. Parktran apparently did a run of the car’s license plates and found it registered to someone who shares the same address as her permanent address, and thought it would be appropriate to put a hold on her registration because of the tickets’ nonpayment. Let me stress that the car was not registered in her name, nor is she even insured to drive said vehicle. However, parktran still thought it would be just keen to penalize her for this. None of this is speculation, let me add, someone in parktran’s tickets and violations department informed her of this process. Now, normally when one recieves a parking ticket, the owner of the car is held liable. Again, this young woman neither owns, nor drives said vehicle. So why is it acceptable policy that she be penalized for this? The New Jersey Motor Vehicle Code 39:4-139.10 - 9b states that: “The judge or the division may suspend the driver’s license of an owner, lessee, or operator who has not answered or appeared in response to a failure to appear notice or has not paid or otherwise satisfied outstanding parking fines or penalties.” Since she is neither an owner, lessee, or approved operator of said vehicle, it almost seems unlawful to impose such a penalty on her. What is your opinion on this? What is the logic, if you will, behind this policy of penalizing students for parking violations which are clearly not theirs? Presumably, you, as president, could change policies such as this, if you agree that this is wrong, would you be willing to change this policy? This young woman, because of this, is not able to register for any class that she needs, and now must try to take either electives or random classes, lest she lose her financial aid for not being a full time student. How would you suggest that she rectify this situation so that she can take classes that she actually needs? Would you be willing to override the registration system so that she can register for these clases that are now full? Thank you in advance for your time and consideration. I hope this situation can come to a happy resolution. Sincerely, James B. Cortina Jr. I’ll do my best to keep the readers informed as of when, or if, President McCormick replies to this letter.
Ok folks, only a little space left, but we still have some issues to cover. First of all, if you’re not doing anything tonight, why don’t you come see me at a Medium Meeting, 9:30 Beck Hall Room 003. Secondly, send news articles to news@themedium.net Don’t be shy if this is your first time in print. We’re just here to have a little fun. Think of the laughs you will share with your friends. You can sit back and relax and say: “Hey Josh, do you remember that time I wrote an article for The Medium? Those were good times, huh?” And Josh will probably say, “My name’s not Josh, grandpa, and you’re drooling all over yourself. Did you shit in your pants again? Mom! Grandpa needs to be changed!”
Wednesday November 12th, 2003
“The entertainment weekly of selling your soul to corporate whores.�
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GMG
“Every year is getting shorter, never seem to find the time...”
A New Realization By: Dan Migliore, GMG/Features Ed. So I was throwing up on the NJ Transit train going from Newark-Penn Station on my way home from Hoboken, when I asked myself a question. “Grandmaster D (that’s what I call myself),” I says. “Do you party perhaps a little too hearty?” I stumbled back to my seat, the mosaic of faces in the train, having heard me release the contents of my stomach, glaring at me. I had to laugh about that. But as I was walking back, I noticed an aging, greying person, and I thought to myself, “Grandmaster D, life is certainly short.” I thought more, and realized that all we have is today. Tomorrow never comes, and yesterday is only a memory that we cannot change. So I ask you, the students of Rutgers, to carpe diem (which, I assure you, does NOT mean sieze the carp). Seize the day folks, and take no prisoners. College is a short time, even for those of us who need a little extra time (myself included). Because one day you’ll be old and grey and balding and sitting on a train going home or whereever, and some kid is going to be praying to the porcelin god in the bathroom of said train, and you’ll stop and think, “Did I do all I could have with my life? Did I have all the fun I could have? Did I just wet myself?”
Need help carpe-ing the diem? Stop by a Medium Meeting, tonight, at 9:30 in Beck 003. Some Haikus By: Michael Stanley I sit in the lab People working surrounds me I’m such a slack ass A warm summer day A beautiful butterfly Relaxing sunshine New Brunswick winters Too much snow, too fricken’ cold Four months pass it’s warm Livingston Campus Nice except for the quad-jects In Piscataway The Daily Targum Worst paper on the campus U. Ed is a cunt Crowded B Busses Hey, get your hand off my ass We need some changes!
The Medium presents a list of places to have sex around campus: The STD infested Frat and Sorority Houses, the Student Center Bathrooms, the Campus Computer Labs, the College Ave Parking Deck, Campus Bus Stops, Passion Puddle, Crowded B Bus (as if anyone would notice), Student Government Offices, The Review/John Doe Office, The Daily Targums Office, The Medium’s office (haha!), La Familia restaurant, New Brunswick Train station, the Grease Trucks, Voorhees Mall, Lawn of Old Queens, 50 Yard-line of Rutgers Football Stadium, the Dining Halls (after hours!), Yorba Lounge with the fireplace lit, and finally.... At this weeks Medium Meeting, Wednesday 9:30 Beck Hall room 003, on the wonderful Livingston Campus.
Wednesday, November 13th, 2003
My First Time on Shrooms Beezer: Personals Editor Anyone that has ever tried to get shrooms knows how difficult it is. And after a quest that lasted a few months, I finally found some. Saturday night started off normal, except for the whole eating the most terrible looking and tasting thing I ever have (Yes, even worse then eating off the plate). After about 20 minutes or so, a sickness a set in that is also of the worst I have ever felt. Once you get over the sickness, the first stage of the shrooms set in. You limbs feel real heavy; you have a hard time concentrating, and keep smelling those damned shrooms. When you get to the second stage, you are practically delirious. You know what you want to say, but you have a hard time getting it right. After the second stage, you sorta come down. Shrooms have ups and downs. You will be feeling good, then it ends, your normal, then with no warning, you are tossed into another crazy episode. The third stage was complete laughter. The kind of laughter that you can’t breathe nor stop. This is right about when all the paranoia and confusion kicks in. After this stage is over, you start coming down, but they keep kicking in without warning for about the rest of the night. And wait till you fall asleep. There are some things im sure I don’t remember, and some I don’t want to, but for when you have your first time, remember the following. Things to remember: Stay out of bars- They are scary and confusing. Stay out of the car- The closed in feeling drives you nuts. Stay out of the cold- It numbs the effect. And watch over the time- Everything takes forever, and then when it is over, it seemed like it took 5 seconds. Everything is something then it’s opposite. It’s the greatest thing one second, and then it sucks the next. And finally- When you feel like its over, its not, don’t drive while on shrooms, the roads twist together and make no sense, but like I said, nothing makes sense in that world.
Submit things to Features@themedium.net!!!
Wednesday, November 13th, 2003
“Son loves mother, sweet romance. Poor old father, has no pants.”
Features
MEDIUMOLOGY, Pt 1 By NENE Are you just bein efficient & grown up / like a good grassrooter / though young, or do you actually look to interact with me?
This week, instead of mediumologically predicting your upcoming days with plenty good sense I will pay homage to prose writing & a peculiar meeting in thirteen segments.
4.You disappear into the crowd of autumn hats & curly hair / I had to 1. Greet me by the table & let your name stay here for a while / long while / partner up & hold the hands of my companions from vienna yours are from athena / goodbye thalia ‘till tomorrow - disappear softly it was so nice to walk with you, talking of structures and of naïveté. I listened to you / I saw why you’d like to come to that tiny island / make friends there, lot’s of them / live in an untidy room / your door will have no iron bolt tied to your boredom. 2.There is a trap I always fall in / damn trap / it’s my confusion when doing a balancing act between subtlety & under-acting and it’s my foundationless interpretations that lead me to pursuits / there is a trap I always fall in. You’re talking to me, for instance, very nicely, right after we’ve met, right, so we nicely talk - and I torment myself… Are you just being polite or do you actually enjoy the conversation, as I really hope that you do? 3. You explain things to me / the warehouse social club sounds noteworthy, for instance, I would surely try to be there by night / nor did I know about the distinctions amongst the Italian union confederations / you show me things / which flag belongs to which trade. You translate conversations & announcements for me / since all that’s spoken here is all greek to me.
5.The next day you spot me among the crowd / from behind a gargantuan banner / you walk up my way - my hands are filled with papers & and a second later you’re next to me / as light as light & smiling (like a siren, Elisabeth is right). Are you just being friendly or are you actually compelled to seek my friendship? 6.As the morning advances, I disappear occasionally / I must empty my hands & pockets of these papers / towards the evening and the square, Campo di Marte, we end up walking together. Again. In delight. Again. You ask me my whereabouts earlier, “for a while you were out of sight,” you state. Are you just being chatty or are you actually upset that an entire day has passed and we stayed still much like strangers?
Sexscapades By Imogene So have you heard the one about the girl that got left on the side of the road by the male model? You know, the one where he makes the girl think she’s got this amazing catch and he dumps her on the side of the road at 8:30 in the morning in Ocean City, MD with no dough for a cab, a justabout-dead cell phone, and no friends around for an hour’s drive up the road? Not ringing any bells? Well this is by far my most embarrassing tale… I was visiting Amanda in Maryland over one 4th of July weekend and we decided to drive to Ocean City and hit up a club there. So I’m thinking I look killer in my halter and black mini when the truth of it is, I was probably “killing” everyone-I was at least twenty pounds heavier then. Not fit at the time for such a choice wardrobe attempt. I had just been brutally blown off-yes, it has been known to happen-by a beautiful, blond lifeguard. I had taken a major blow to my ego so I slinked back into the dark corners of the club amongst the other sulking wallflowers. About 20 minutes before last call, I spot him-leaning on the bar, with this cool, James Dean-type style. And I must’ve been dreaming because I thought he could’ve been checking me out. Time was a-tick’n and I definitely have no patience in these matters so I strut on over. We get to chatting and my mind is blown. I mean, this guy is really hot. And going by my luck in the beginning of the night, he was not supposed to like me. I knew before I asked that he was a model. Something about the way he stood was a giveaway, like he was posing for cameras that didn’t exist. This should’ve been Clue #1. Clue #2 should’ve been when he asked if he could get a ride with us. Of course he didn’t have a car, he lived in NYC. On the way back to his house-which was 30 minutes out of our way-he begged me to come home with him so we could “just talk” and he could “get to know me better”-Clue #3. It took some coaxing but Amanda finally agreed to let me crash at his place. I know, I can’t believe I fell for this shit. Turns out, Martin-yeah, that was his name (how James Dean)-was staying with his MOM and I kind of got the feeling that Martin was no stranger to bringing girls home when she pulled him outside of the room to say, loud enough so I could, no doubt, hear, “You cannot keep bringing these whores home.” After I demanded to be taken home, he told me he had to use his brother’s car and, conveniently, he wasn’t home and at that point, probably
wouldn’t be for the rest of the night. Calling Amanda’s cell was to no availI didn’t know her house number-because she had unbelievably turned it off. What was she thinking! So I was stranded, in a strange town, in a hostile household, and this prick is still trying to get me to fuck him. Welcome to my nightmare! We ended up having to sleep on the sectional couch in his living room-because he didn’t have a room there! -And was startled awake at 7am by his mother banging pots and pans, obviously trying to get the piece of trash she thought I was, out of her living space. I was absolutely mortified. After demanding once again to get the hell out of there, an hour later-the asshole took his time-we were on the road. Oh, it doesn’t end there. Five minutes into the drive he asks where I live. When I tell him Salisbury he flips-says that it’s too far away (it was a little over 30 minutes) and that he can’t drive me. Could this experience get any worse? I finally get in touch with Amanda and she says she’ll meet me halfway. So Dickhead pulls into a parking lot offering to be “nice” and wait with me until she got there but in Shithead Speak this meant he was giving one last attempt at getting himself off when he tried to shove his hand down my pants. I was so disgusted I wanted to spit on him. So I jumped out of the car and told him to stick it to his mother instead. Two hours later, under the sweltering July sun, I’m still sitting on the side of the highway. Of course Amanda got lost and my phone went dead, fortunately, a minute after I talked to a cab company. Now during the cab ride home, fate had to give one last, dying gasp. Five miles from Amanda’s house and the taxi breaks down. I had to just laugh-who else would this happen to? Hours later and flat broke-the cab driver had taken the last $30 I had to my name-I trudge into Amanda’s house. She hadn’t gotten home yet, she was still out looking for me and I just didn’t care. I crawled into her bed, pulled the covers over my head, and prayed that I would wake up and it would have all been some terrible nightmare. So what should we all take from this hellish experience? 1. Don’t trust male models. 2. Don’t trust male models that go to a club alone with no car. When a certain male model, a year later changes his name to Simon Rex, consider it your personal duty to send hate mail when ever possible.
Fuck Parktran
“Bob Spears the young child into a parked bus...”
Wednesday, November 12th, 2003
“Get Your Hand Off My Ass!” Sick Of Being In Tight Spaces With Total Strangers On The B Bus? Let Rutgers Parking And Transportation Know That You’re Tired Of Waiting For An Overcrowded Bus! Phone: (732) 932-ABUS (2287) OR E-Mail: buses@pat.rutgers.edu
Wednesday, November 12th, 2003
has anyone seen the paris hilton sex video? i fucking knew she was meant to be a porn star. (hell yeah, i downloaded that as soon as i heard about it. that shit is hot, except it doesn’t look like she’s havin much fun. if she were ridin me it would be a different story.) to all the fuckin sand niggers that roam this campus. why dont you go shove a dildo up your ass and enjoy it. your whole race should be exposed to this kind of pleasure cuz you’re all too uptight and smell like curry. you smell like what u eat and u smell like shit. maybe havin that plastic donkey cock up your ass will plug the hole and the smell. The Spoiler for Matrix Revolution: 1.NEO and Agent Smith Die 2.Machines and Humans live together in Harmony. The END (what a dickhead. this may be inaccurate so why don’t you not go see it cause it’s really not worth it.) NORTH KOREA ..IS SLAVE OF CHINA SOUTH KOREA PAY OF TAX.. TO NORTH KOREA EVERY YEAR ALL KOREA IS SLAVE OF CHINA CHINA GET KOREA ANYTIME ..WE WANT worship onik he’s greater than God he’s greater than Setan he’s greater than anything he’s hooj though
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I WAS a wigger... and, unfortunately, turned a few of my friends wiggers also... :-/ ANYWAY i have recently been visiting this site (few months or so) and have single handedly converted the very same people i turned wiggers... to see this point of view... and that’s the good thing... except for this one of my friends... blindly involved in the negro lifestyle... USES the N-Word yet listens to rap... what should be done about him?? any suggestions? maybe... blast some metal in his face? —— —————— thanks...
to that weird looking blond chick in my intro to philosophy class, why do you have to answer every question like you think you know what you’re talking about when everyone knows that blonds are dumb anyway. it’s not like the professor is going to care about what you have to say.
To the great Richard McCormick, My friends and I have agreed that you are our hero. I wish I could fuck my employees, do nothing, and still get paid over 1/2 a million a year. You definitely beat out last month’s hero, Arnold Schwarzenegger (Harassed woman, possible sex). If you ran for President of the United States, I’d have a tough choice between you and Bush (coke fiend). One more thing, If I was a woman, I’d be your employee...
Personals Yo, yo wassup dudes? Some people say I’m crude, but I usually just demand. I demand but i get what I want ‘cause I’m the man. I’m the man, the man with a plan, knick-nack paddy wack, give a dog my bone. Oh.. i mean your girl, yeah she rocked my world. What a dirty slut, I put it in her butt. Snoogans! To that dumb fuck in the towers who doesn't know what friendship is, thanks for holding the fucking elevator, i ain't even a part of your dumb feud ass, if it was Nicole she would have held it, you fucking douche bag (Nicole from Livingston, that sounds familiar.. If you check back to earlier this year you’ll see mention of her in the paper, she’s hot) w w w. t h e m e d i u m . n e t
I just wanna say that to all the fucking cops out there, why don’t you stop taking down innocent kids trying to have a good time and instead try to find the muggers, rapists, or even murderers. I’m sick of getting (If I were McCormick’s emin trouble for stupid shit. ployee I’d bend over and let this one goes out to craigory in Thanks for nothin. him ram his sausage into my tinsley. hey sexy, just wanted tight juicy little asian pussy to my friend olga, i’m so glad i to give you a journalistic kiss. and tell him i love it when he remember, we have a date in a ran into you the other day in gets pulled over by the cops busch dorm lounge. but don’t front of tido’s. it was good see- and cheats on his wifey- she expect it to be quick cuz when ing you... i just wanted to tell looks like she’s in drag anyyou that u smell like mofetas! way.) the pink starts cumin it doesn’t stop. i’m loving the late nite sex convos. 420 baby, for real. we’re definitely keeping it raunchily gully cuz i need some exclusivity to write about. love, from Dear Evan, your every faithful HAPPY BIRFDAY! how about runaway. some o dat pimp, trick, gangsta to that hot portuguese click. for the owsky wowsky. boy in chem recitation... You’re 20, now you can drink! shit ur dick is probably i mean you have one more year... short cuz u are short but well, happy birfday anyway. i wanna suck it anyway. Love, Carol & Jesse lets fuck now! Mothereffing campus security managed to throw a $25 parking ticket on my windshield between the time that I ran upstairs to drop my stuff off in my room and run back downstairs to re-park my car (that’s a total time of about 4 minutes). I even left my blinkers on!!! They really need to start finding better things to do. I’ve been driving all morning, I’m tired, missed my first class, and I am mad www.themedium.net www.themedium.net www.themedium.net
your father, husband and son or mother, wife or daughter died for nothing in Operation Iraqi Liberation (OIL)
Dear Housemates, I’d really appreciate it if you would stop videotaping me when I lick my ass in the kitchen. Thanks “you want to know my favorite fuckers. -Poopie P.S. Mikey, porn ever.....yep you guessed I puked on your condoms. Sorry ;-) it, schindler’s list” - bdiddy to stan, why would you go thru all that trouble to dl a program that u know i’d have? don’t you know who i am?? <3 cheezi
I kinda wish I had Conan’s hair in this picture, if anyone wants to blow me this hairstyle, come to the meeting at beck 003 @ 9:30pm on Livingston campus. www.themedium.net
to melissa, i could be a good friend and we can do it in the backseat of your cabrio. from cwh dear stacy, great party! throw another one sometime soon if you are not annoyed by now. you looked so good that night, however if u smiled, you would have looked a thousand times better. cheer up. =)
“I feel You. Do You feel me? That is the Question -John Q. Minus”
dear carol, have my children. (shit I forgot to tell you I’m pregnant.) to all the girls in my comparitive psych class, you should all come back to my place after class so you can listen to my bird songs and play with my pseudopenis. (i wish i were in that class.)
(whoa! you can lick your ass?! that’s amazing flexibility, can you show me? I’d be so turned on I’d just splurt cum all over your already disgusting kitchen.) Hey ninja, what’s going on dude? MMM.. burgers, oh no! There is nothing to catch the fat from the burgers.. hahaha.. what’s going on? NS- I figure tons of people use initials in the personals, not everyone should know i’m talking about you. You’re hot and I want you pretty damn badly right now. oh paris hilton i love to watch you get fucked
turn your cell phone off to christophery i know you want to fuck me but right now i cant
www.themedium.net www.themedium.net www.themedium.net www.themedium.net
To all the ball-less morons who write personals to “gay frat brothers” who hold “gay cock parties” and wouldn’t let you in. Lemme explain something to you: girl-guy ratios are necessary to keep their parties from being filled with fuckers like you who go to other people’s houses, drink beer that someone else paid for, get drunk and act like an asshole, and leer at all the girls who actually did show up. So instead of bitching like the pussies you are, either hang out with more girls to actually make the ratio (probably an impossibility for most of you losers) or DON’T GO TO FUCKING FRAT PARTIES. They don’t have to let you and your pathetic, lowlife friends into THEIR party if they think you’re gonna scare away their frosh pussy, so suck that shit up, bitch. Pay a bum to buy you booze and get shitfaced in your dorm, by yourselves, you waste of life. Don’t fuck shit up for the rest of us pimps, who have pussy raining down on them like candy from a pinata.
(wow an angry pro-frat personal, i’m really scared. i hope they don’t bring their abercrombie clothes and spikey hair near me, i’d be afraid of catching the disease that made them want to join a frat.) my cock is bouncing to the beat of a steel drum can you picture it? w w w. t h e m e d i u m . n e t
Personals To the dirty whore on Douglass who got her roommate kicked out of her room for the sole purpose of fucking her boyfriend whenever she wanted. You're a sorry excuse for a fucking human vagina, how could you be so selfish to only fuck one guy? After all you realize that you have to uphold your image as the whore of Douglass? Second of all how is it that your pussy can smell like maggot infested meatloaf and gumdrops at the same time? Isn't that kinda ironic? Finally, when was the last time you sterilized it? Don't you know that a vagina is like a pet and should be treated like one if your gonna show it off that much? What happened to whores like you? You're not supposed to be worried about privacy you’re supposed to be worried about fucking!! Even if that means you have to lick my dogs balls on a trampoline with a tuba shoved up your ass!! Men who wear toe socks and shoes are closet fags, men who admit to wearing toe socks are fags, and men who wear toe socks with sandals are flaming fags. No self respecting man would wear them and neither should you, it's guys like you who give faggots a bad name. So do yourself a favor and burn "them" WARNING: The abortionist advertised in these personals is Gay. Not a little gay, like roofies in your Yoplait cause you were wearing capris, listening to Good Charlotte, and sipping some expensive latte with a rainbow colored straw so he thought maybe he had a chance and wanted a little help gay. No, I'm talking telling you he's a back-alley abortionist so he can lure your girlfriend into his dirty little rat infested makeover parlor behind the local Circle-K, where he's going to kill her, skin her, and use that byproduct to impersonate her in order to screw you under the guise of good old fashion post-abortion heterosexual celebration sex... seriously... gay... A poem 4 DUCK: my taint's name is lucus, my's asshole is morgan, my pubic hair is fuzzy, I have a herpes wart.Quack Quack nigger. Love, Tully Blanchard to the hot chick with hotter knockers at my old job. Next time u visit, and dont tear off my pants, im gonna get angry
“The Nazi’s had pieces of flare that they made the Jews wear…” To my roommate who "unconsciously" humped my girl jackie in the middle of the night. Close your own fuckin deal asshole! We all know it wasn't sleepwalking. (You might be happy to know that the law in Jersey states that if some dude humps your chicks, you can kill him as long as it isn’t Tuesday and you dumb his body in New York…) What does FUBU stand for? Farmers used to buy us
To the bangin crew guy that lives next to me, I want your body so bad. Next time you knock on my door you better be naked. I want to fuck you so hard, then suck you dry. And afterwards, maybe a little cuddle to bring you back down to earth. (I’ll tell you suttin hunny, if that dude cuddles with you, he’s a fruit. Plain and simple.) I shit myself the other day. It ran down my leg. It was real warm, i am disturbing!@#
Dude, I still don’t know why you wont let me watch you sister while you go out tonight.
You took that way to personally.
oh shit oh shit, thank you njc lounge for playing that music that's at the end of the stella short "pizza." it made my fucking day. maybe you should play that medley from "bored" or some, like, weird al..just eat it, eat it, woooo! oh shit oh shit, fuck osama bin laden, fuck him and his terrorist network! be what you gotta be, 2003! That's right!! White people are to blame for all the worlds ills! In past preasent and future! No self-responcability! Burn the whities! Burn em all! No one will be spared! C'mon, lets all take credit for our own actions, and not lable an entire ethnic backround for your whoas. We need a Holocaust for White People! We can start right on Busch Campus
You’re such an asshole…
Wednesday, November 12, 2003
What did the Alabama sheriff call the nigger who had been shot 15 times? Worst case of suicide he had ever seen. (Sure are a lot of racist personals toward blacks today, wowie, I love it…) "African American males are six percent of the US population, however they comprise more than 50 percent of all prison inmates"Just imagine if we were all overcooked www.themedium.net
The last time I let you watch her I found all those horrible pictures of her online. Dude, she’s retarded, how could you have done that?!?
Come along Heather, while he is in the bathroom. Remember last time, with the doorknob. Yeah, I have more lollipops. (*I wonder where my camera is?*)
Black Pryde Muthafucka! white people have always felt superior to other races, did u know that the first people to set foot on this earth were black? I read that somewhere... anyways, I've got an example, you know about hooligans right? they're just a bunch of pricks destroying everywhere and even make racist remarks to people and "support" their football teams using violence, they are all white, arent they? fucking idiots I can't stand them. just wanted to get it off my chest (This guy isn’t black, his spelling and grammar are too good…)
first off, you guys at the medium rule. ok, now onto the hatred. i hate fucking peopel on buses that stand up, talk on cell To the fuckhead at livingston, fones and fall into you. next Go fuck your gayass Mexican time, you basterd get stuck. ass back to tijuana or whatever dumb blonds and your boobs shithole you swam from.
Opinion: Niggers are the overwhelmingly majority contributors to violent crimes in the US. Fact: 50% of all black males will be arrested at least once in their life for an index crime. Conclusion: Intro to Criminal Justice is actually useful.
this one goes out to the fag i dated for 2 fucking years. so you finally admitted you cheated on me with a bunch of hoes. you told me there were 6. fuck you nigga, you think i wasn't capable of pulling shit behind your back? i had 9 guys when i was with you. 9. beat you by 3 shitface. and one of them was your best friend. take that fucker. now that we're not together you can spend as much time as you want with your boys, fucking 13 years olds and making them bleed. you're fucking disgusting. you're 20!!! you fucking fag, impress me with a real girl, somebody whose actually your age and someone whose pretty and not a ho. cuz hunny, you ain't gonna find a girl who looks as good as i did and i know you're regretting loosing my ass. you'll never get it that good again. go get herpes you fucking loser. oh wait, never mind, practice safe sex and go fuck yourself. and while you're doing it, think about how me and my new man are just chilling and i'm still wearing that $1000 diamond necklace you bought me for my birthday. you ain't getting that back bitch. (Take it from me sweet cakes, if a dude knows there is a chance that the relationship might come to an end, he would spend more then $20 on you. Those diamonds aint real, you’re a slut, he’s the man, and im hungry…) To the fucker that works at tillit with the white out all over his hat. Die a terrible death you dumb jigaboo. No one likes you, you do no work, and i think you smell alittle. they prolly only hired you because of affirmitive action. Stupid equal opportunmity
Don’t be like the dirty Mexicans. We will give you pearls. All you have to do is get your ethnic ass over to The Medium meetings every Wednesday at 9:30 on Livingston (Beck, 003). And don’t forget to send the most racist personals to personals@themedium.net. Stupid Mexicans…
Wednesday, November 12th, 2003 leave my leftovers alone bitch! tell your fat fuck best friend that she doesn’t have shit on my game or my body. she better get her ass to the fucking gym because no guy wants to move rolls before he fucks. (Boo-hoo-hoo, shut the fuck up! Next time, poison the left overs, they’ll learn!) To that hot hispanic chick who so deep throated my cock twice this past week. That had to be the best BJ I’ve ever recived. It was simply amazing. Now, I can’t wait to pay you back. Anytime you want some, let me know and I’ll be more then happy to pleasure you til the sun comes up. (He is right about hispanic girls. They sure do have nice bodies, nice curves in the rear and up top as well. That’s hot. Boy, what I’d give for a hot hispanic girl...)
“I’ll suck your cock for one-thousand dollars...”
Hey girls I know you are all bummed out about the recent ban of partial birth abortions, but dont worry the House o’ Aborto de la baby is still open for business. We have a wide variety of styles and options for any price range, from the economy, drop kick the stomach to the pricy but stylish rusty coat-hanger express, which includes stuffing and mounting your aborted fetus. reply with a personal (Correct me if I’m wrong, actually no, don’t.. but I remember hearing that CTown was offering abortions around back of their store on George St, why not get some cheap grade F beef and an abortion at the same time!) Keith - Thank you for passing on the word for the 3rd degree. To that hot girl i’ve been spending my time with. I think things are going very well.
Katie, Happy 21st Birthday! (Dearest Katie, all of us on The Medium Staff wish you the best 21st Birthday possible. But in a trend started last week, we hope it’s your last one. Watch out for all those frat guys and don’t accept random drinks from strangers at bars, next thing you know, you’ll be barefoot and pregnant!) to the mother fucker that told us “shhh” in current moral like we were fucking 6th graders.. maybe you couldn’t hear “shat” cause the fuckin pube beard that you’re growing was all in your fuckin ears.. next time you tell us to be quiet we’re gonna fuckin rape your stupid ass. Another one to that girl who I said was the hottest on all of RU, I was right and you know who I am now. So, how about we get it on?
to timur... you are one mother fuckin annoying fuck. everyone hates you... just shut up already! don’t pretend like u wanna do bme cuz its full of girls— we all know ur gay. Why don’t you take ur useless dick and shove it in ur mouth. ur probably NEVER gonna use ur condom that expires in 2007 u worthless piece of shit. (Now see what you forgot to say was how he’ll have that condom since when you two fags go at it, you don’t use one. Watch out for the HIV!) THIS IS TO THAT HAIRY BITCH YOU ARE A FLAMING HOMOSEXUAL, BUT YOU ARE ALSO A GAY CAREBEAR!!! WHAT A FAG YOU MUST BE, PROBABLY BECAUSE OF YOUR GAY BLACK ROOMATE LAST YEAR (A gay carebear, huh? Nice one there, you fuzzy cootie!)
Personals To all the ball-less morons who write personals to “gay frat brothers” who hold “gay cock parties” and wouldn’t let you in. Lemme explain something to you: girl-guy ratios are necessary to keep their parties from being filled with fuckers like you who go to other people’s houses, drink beer that someone else paid for, get drunk and act like an asshole, and leer at all the girls who actually did show up. So instead of bitching like the pussies you are, either hang out with more girls to actually make the ratio (probably an impossibility for most of you losers) or DON’T GO TO FUCKING FRAT PARTIES. They don’t have to let you and your pathetic, lowlife friends into THEIR party if they think you’re gonna scare away their frosh pussy, so suck that shit up, bitch. Pay a bum to buy you booze and get shitfaced in your dorm, by yourselves, you waste of life. Don’t fuck shit up for the rest of us pimps, who have pussy raining down on them like candy from a pinata. (If the best party you can get into is a frat party that’s pretty shitty. What captain dicko failed to mention is what happens after all the ladies leave. To quote a frat guy i heard this weekend “Dude, you just give it to a guy, it’s not gay to give it to a guy, it’s gay to take it, but not give it!” Beerman can vouch that this was really said!) This personal is dedicated to all the darkies and sons of slaves out there on Livingston Campus (aka. Da Ghetto). SHUT THE FUCK UP! All of us know you’re black and have to scream really loud from blasting your shitty (c)rap out of our stolen cars or just from shooting people with your guns, but shut the fuck up! Why don’t you niggers have a curfew?! The Asians go to bed at a respectable hour and so should you fuckers! Why the fuck do I have to hear you porch monkeys scream outside my window at 2 am on a Tuesday night? Don’t you have women to rape or President’s to mug on the College Ave campus? Leave the White Minority here on Livingston alone! It’s time for some good ol’fashioned South African Apartheid up in this place!! (You know, Livingston isn’t as horrible as you make it sound. Just the Quads are...)
“Her vagina looks like Gene Simmons” Arts 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678
Wednesday November 12th, 2003
12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678 The Volcano Worshipper’s Adventures At The WFMU Record Fair 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678 WFMU, Jersey City’s freeform station of the nation, is the greatest radio station in the universe. 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678 So it only follows that the semi-annual WFMU Record Fair in New York City is a momentous 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678 occasion. This past weekend proved to be no exception to this, as thousands of dealers and music 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678 lovers from all over the world convened at the Metropolitan Pavilion to showcase their wares and 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678 spend tons of money on music, all in the name of freeform radio. I went on Sunday, and I spent 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678 way too much money, and there was still stuff I saw that I wish I had enough money to waste on, What’s more amazin’ than Amazin’ Fruit? You sending me articles, 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678 so you can only imagine how broke I would’ve been if I went on Friday or Saturday. 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678 that’s what! Submit arts stuff to arts@themedium.net! And come to the 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678 Medium meeting tonight at 9:30PM at Beck 003 on Livingston, add Some of the stuff I bought included a CD by Princess Dragonmom (a side project of His Name Is 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678 The Medium on Friendster (first name The Medium, last name Mag) Alive, one of my favorite bands ever) that I was happy to see in the dollar bin, and the best seven 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678 bucks I’ve ever spent: a sealed copy of Get Outta School, the out-of-print 1989 album by Old and listen to the Volcano Worshipper’s Hour every Monday night at 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678 Skull (a punk band whose members were all 9 years old at the time; this album is hysterical). midnight on WRSU 88.7, or pineapple bear will haunt you in yr sleep. 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678 Besides this, I met tons of fellow WFMU listeners and Friendsters (including OCDJ, who 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567 recognized me from the testimonial I wrote him a day before), not to mention several other 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567 Movie and Television Reviews by Matt Dotsko 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678 members of the Tom Scharpling (host of The Best Show On WFMU) fan club, Friends Of Tom. 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678 These reviews were originally posted to a website called Three Gears Spinning 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567 Apart from all the stuff I bought, several people were giving away free CDs, zines, and a DVD, 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567 (http://www.trigearproductions.com) and were requested to be printed here by 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678 which were all quite nifty. So I got tons and tons of stuff to read and listen to, and it’s a wonder 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678 their author. Check out the site for more reviews! my crummy duffel bag that I use to carry stuff in didn’t split open before I got home. Apart from 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567 all of this, it was amazing just to walk around and see all the various things for sale and exhibit. It’s 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567 Scary Movie 3 pretty much a good thing that I don’t have a record player or, um, an actual job, otherwise I 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567 Scary Movie 3 is a predictable farce that is almost worth the time. The Ring and would’ve spent way more money on stuff. It’s nothing short of mindboggling how many millions 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456781234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678 of records and CDs (and tapes, and DVDs and videos, and probably some 8-tracks) were for sale 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567 Signs are among the most prominent spoofs. Matrix and 8 Mile also get the Mad 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678 here, and obviously anything you could possibly imagine was here, from all sorts of popular (and 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567 Magazine treatment. The movie only has several big laughs and flows poorly as if 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678 unpopular) LPs and 45s, classic hip-hop 12"s, rarities and imports and indie recordings of every 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567 the writers just picked three movies to make fun of and put them together. However, 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678 stripe, and thousands of CDs under $5. There were a few interesting exhibits as well, including a 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567 you can’t knock the eye candy of Jenny McCarthy or Pamela Anderson. It’s simple, 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567 mini-museum of flexi-discs: records pressed on the backs of cereal boxes, on tops of margarine lids, 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567 if you’ve got some time to kill and want to laugh a little, perfect. If you want a great 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678 inserted into magazines, etc. There were also a few live performances, including Evolution Control 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567 comedy, go elsewhere. Committee, who played a live set in the A/V Lounge. Unfortunately, not only did he spend half of 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567 his set setting stuff up, but he messed up continuously throughout his performance. During his 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567 MI - 5 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567 live show, he wears a white lab coat and has his hair identical to the Doc in Back To The Future, 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567 This is the best show you’re not watching. It’s about a bunch of spies working for 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567 and he wears these gloves with thimbles attached, which are hooked up to his computer and 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678 the British domestic anti-terrorist unit, MI - 5. The head field operative, Tom Quinn 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678 somehow trigger samples when he moves his hands (kind of like the Nintendo Powerglove!), but 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567 has problems with the ethics of the job, but his love life is even more of a mess. His 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567 he kept messing up and missing cues and mismatching beats, and his set was cut short anyway. 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678 boss Harry Pearce is cold and by the numbers except when it comes to the IRA, 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567 Still, it was nice to see it anyway, especially to see the video for “Rocked By Rape”, which was 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678 which murdered his former partner while he did nothing. His chief lieutenants Zoe the finale of the show. Besides this, tons of films were shown in the A/V Lounge, including obscure 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567 Reynolds and Danny Hunter are talented but problematic. Zoe is impulsive and also horror films, a bunch of videos from the Spike Jonze DVD (I hadn’t seen the clips for “Buddy 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456781234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678 Holly” or “Da Funk” in a while), and live clips from tons of bands, including Led Zeppelin, The 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567 has problems leading a life outside the job and Danny is on probation for credit card 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567 Fall, Butthole Surfers, Kraftwerk, and tons of others. They also showed “Dead Air”, a short film fraud. As if that wasn’t enough Tom also has to deal with every terrorist in the 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567 from a few years ago, created by and starring several WFMU DJs. 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678 world. This is a great and much used premise to begin with but even the low par 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456781234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567 episodes bring a fire of tension in the mind of the viewer. I can’t watch an episode 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678 To put it simply, it all comes down to this: if you love music, no matter how you choose to define 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678 anymore without getting excited (insert your own joke here). If the basic plot points 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678 it, you need to support WFMU, and you need to come down to the record fair when it happens 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567 don’t win you over the character development will. At present time only sixteen 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567 every fall and spring. For those of you who whine that my music tastes are too obscure or 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567 episodes have been made and random episodes are floating about on A&E’s daily 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678 whatever: yes, you’ll find enough stuff to spend tons of hard-earned cash on as well (although you 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678 lineup, but for a show that I compare to 24 in terms of quality and tension it’s worth aren’t guaranteed to find the most absolute current popular releases, except for maybe some promo 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567 the effort. If you liked 24, Spy Game, Confessions of a Dangerous Mind, Bourne singles or something). Even though the next WFMU Record Fair won’t happen until next year, 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456781234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678 start saving up money now. It will be well worth it. Identity, or The Great Escape you’ll love MI - 5. 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456781234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456781234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567
What’s Shakin’
“I award you no points....and may god have mercy upon your soul.”
Wednesday November 12th, 2003
Concerts
Comedy Wed and Thurs, Nov. 12 and 13Jim Breuer at The Stress Factory, New Brunswick, NJ Thurs, Nov. 13-Andrew Dice Clay at Beacon Theatre, NY Thurs-Sun, Nov. 13-16-John Pinette at Caroline’s, Broadway, NY Thurs-Sat, Nov. 13-15-Darrell Joyce at Rascal’s, Cherry Hill, NJ Thurs-Sun, Nov. 13-16-Scott Bruce at Rascal’s, Ocean Township, NJ Fri and Sat, Nov. 14 and 15Stuttering John/Otto & George at The Stress Factory, New Brunswick, NJ Sun, Nov. 16-Don Rickles at Westbury Music Fair, Westbury, NY Mon, Nov. 17-Dave Chappelle at The Comedy Cellar, NY
Yeah, so now the man decided to take away another half inch of my freedom, damn the man, save the empire. Sorry, I’m just a little tired today. Too many fucking midterms to do and to many bitches to fuck. So today, as you may or may not have heard, Rutgers football sucks harder than your mom on rent day. Hey the football is bouncing my way, why don’t I fucking catch it? God damn it, this is why we can’t have nice things. When we show even a glimpse of progress, someone fucks up plays and we tumble back down the hill, so to Rutgers football, I give you a dart in you mother’s uterus for not being barren enough to abort this fucking fetus of a team.
Wed, Nov. 12-Atmosphere at S.O.B.’s, NY Wed, Nov. 12-Soul Brains at The Chance, Poughkeepsie, NY Wed, Nov. 12-Shaolin Warriors at Beacon Theatre, NY Wed, Nov. 12-Type O Negative at Bridge Street Music Hall, Syracuse, NY Fri, Nov. 14-Primus at Roseland Ballroom, NY Fri, Nov. 14-Sugar Cult at Krome, South Amboy, NJ Sat, Nov. 15-Godsmack at Mid Hudson Civic Center, Poughkeepsie, NY Sat, Now. 15-Danzig at The Chance, Poughkeepsie, NY Sun, Nov. 16-Rancid at Roseland Ballroom, New York, NY Sun, Nov. 16-Aerosmith with Kiss at Madison Square Garden, NY Mon, Nov. 17-Hoobastank at The Chance, Poughkeepsie, NY Mon, Nov. 17-The Suicide Machines at Irving Plaza, NY Mon, Nov. 17-Thursday and Thrice at Roseland Ballroom, NY Tue, Nov. 18-The White Stripes at Roseland Ballroom, NY
www.4paddedwalls.com: Enter the Haiku contest
Come to a Medium meeting this Wed at 9:30 PM on Livingston. I promise that you’ll not be sodomized by big black men, and would I lie? Send Events to: events@themedium.net Sends some events, the address doesn’t bite, see it likes you, yes, send events, that’s nice. Mama says that Rutgers is playin’ nothing but foolsball
pwned j00 all, haxors