10/30/02

M EDIUM

E H T

October 30th, 2002

Volume XXXIV Number 8

The Entertainment Weekly of Girls! Girls! Girls!

Raping babies... not funny.

Wednesday, October 30th, 2002

The Importance of Being Chandra

A Moment with the Editor in Chief

(ghostwritten by CDNow’s Kristen Roth)

It’s true that Avril Lavigne is both 17 and prom queen pretty, but before you’re inclined to lump her in with her teen pop predecessors, know this one fact first: she plays electric guitar. And as Lavigne’s debut album Let Go exhibits, this skater-girl’s music hugs far closer to the alt-pop sound of her Canadian compatriot Alanis Morrisette than it does the Britneys, Christinas, and Jessicas of the world.

That’s not to say that Lavigne is all wails and anger. The buttery acoustic melodies of “I’m With You,” “Tomorrow,” “Things I’ll Never Say,” and “Too Much to Ask,” ballads about hope, uncertainty, crushes, and confusion, highlight Lavigne’s strong, smooth, nasal-free vocals. “Sk8ter Boi” is a pop-punk anthem dedicated to those who have the foresight to look beyond the surface. “Complicated,” a song about being yourself, and “Mobile,” which details her transition from high school student to girl-with-record-deal, are tinged with a folk-rock feel.

Not only is Lavigne able to offer a wide spectrum of musical influences, but a wide range of emotions as well. After listening to her lyrics, one not only has a solid impression of who she is but that she knows who she is, as well. When she sings “I got a backbone stronger than yours/ I’m secure, and I’m sure I’m gonna stay pure” in “Nobody’s Fool,” a catchy tune of pop perfection, you’re disposed to believe her.

Now that’s one to grow on.

Love,

Martin Babitz The Media, The Sniper and Halloween.

-Ben Schachtman, Ed/Ops Editor

This year, I had a great costume idea. I was going to dress up as the Sniper, and get as many people as possible to dress up as victims numbers one through thirteen. Ten of them, of course would have frowny face make up, being dead of course. The other three would have gaudy happy face make-up (think Ronald McDonald after surviving a gunshot wound), being gleefully still alive.

Of course, the Feds snatched the Sniper and his underage boy-toy quicker than the last beer out of the fridge. It isn’t that I’m not proud of them for catching him, I am. However, with a public attention span of no more than eight seconds, that means that The Sniper is last week’s news.

So why am I still talking about him? Well, firstly I’m mad that my great costume idea just went from hot to not. Secondly, I’m a little surprised at how far the media went to keep The Sniper popular.

Even after the car with the “custom gun port” (as opposed to the inferior “standard gun port” that comes on all Fords) was found the media emphasized that The Sniper might still be out there. Even after ballistic reports tied the gun found in the car to ten of the shootings, the media claimed The Sniper might still be out there - ignoring the fact that regardless of whether or not someone is the one and only “The Sniper” it is still illegal to shoot ten people with a rifle. I cannot bring my self to believe this tenacity was powered by the media’s desire to see The Sniper’s identity, and subsequently guilt, proven beyond a shadow of a doubt. Nor can I believe that they all simply wanted to hang on to their sniper-themed Halloween costumes.

In the end, I will probably end up going as Dick Cheney, which is funny, but only in that dry-mouthed, tongue-in-cheek political way. For example, Al Gore’s face in place of a woman’s genitals. Yeah, it represents Gore’s rebirth, his triumph over Bush (who is a giant pussy), and the fact that Al Gore is just plain sexy, but it isn’t “laugh ‘cuz its wrong’ funny in the way that dressing up like a serial killer who happens to still be on the loose.

We’ll miss you, John Mohammad, but rest assured that the Media will find us new anti-heroes, and plenty of new Halloween costumes.

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Sniper?

Opinions News Knews GMG Feaures

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Cover by: Jim Kohl

Arts Happy!

Hallow!

Ween!

What’s Shaking

THE

MEDIUM

CONTENTS

fnord

An asshole is an asshole is an asshole, but an unattractive asshole?

-jes deveraux There is nothing worse than an unattractive and mean man. How is that they even exist? General rule of thumb, either a man is attractive and an asshole, or unattractive and nice. It is possible to have an attractive nice man, although not too prevalent, but it is almost unheard of to have an unattractive and mean man. Well, recently, I found out they do exist, and are truly a vile specimen.

All summer long my dearest friends heard me speak to no end of this one man I was so smitten by. I spoke of him in the highest regard, and although I enjoyed dating many different men, never once have I been so taken. Ladies, I’m sure you can sympathize when I say that it is easy to be attracted to a man but to like him, to really like him is much rarer than people suppose, right? Right. As most beginnings, it turned sour quickly, it died as quickly as sperm does once secreted from the body. It was awful, it was painful, I had no idea as to what I had done, it seemed to be going so well…or did I just fool myself? [Most likely.]

When my friend Lisa met this man this passed Saturday she was shocked.

Well, I had warned her. He’s very odd looking, to say the least. Strange and a little bit goofy I would say, nevertheless I was completely physically attracted to him. My friend had much worse to say. But I digress. Aren’t the most valuable relationships found where it’s what’s on the inside that attracts you, not what aesthetic beauty has to offer? But then why would someone like that be so arrogant, so vile, manipulative and vindictive. My friend let it be known that she was appalled by him; his inner constitution caused her to be repulsed by the mere sight of him. She was blatantly rude to him, as any good friend would be, although she went above and beyond her duty as a dear friend and confidant. Well, today, a few days after her meeting him he says, and I quote “...she had some very nice things to say to me when you were away in the bathroom...i’d watch that little backstabber.” Well now, what kind of person would try to get between friends like that? Isn’t this an unconcealed, deliberate and unashamed attempt to get one friend to doubt another? Absolutely. I felt sad when he said that. Sure, she insulted him, but he only felt one iota of how he made me feel, but yet now there is need for revenge? For his redemption? It’s okay for me to humiliate you but for you to have a backbone, or your friend, how dare you! ! What a fabulous attitude :^) One of the most difficult things to do in this day and age is to look past the physical, but it’s possible. I did, and sincerely so. To like someone for whom they are, to want to be proud to be with them for some intrinsic quality they possess is hard to come by. When you find it, to be so sorely disappointed, to find that this individual is so petty and so shameless and un-humbled is what propels the superficial notion put forth in society. He didn’t ruin it for me, he’s just a bad seed. We can’t make the mistakes that we as humans so often do, where a mistake ruins the experience for us as a whole, rather, let us regard it as a device from which we can learn, from which we can improve and transcend. So now I’m going to go call Lisa, just to tell her that I’m proud of her, that I’m proud to be her friend.

Carve a virtual Pumkin! http://www.thepumpkinfarm.com/jack/jackboard.html Kill a virtual baby (seal)! http://www.subnetcentral.com/killer/killer.htm SPOOOOOOOOOOOOOKY! Psychedelic vortexes of swirling light.

Gorgeous Italian women.

Buckets of astro-glide.

The Medium LSC 113 Wednesday 9:30 pm Editor-in-Chief Managing Editor Business Manager Opinions Editor News Editor GMG Editor Arts Editor Faculty Advisor

Martin Babitz Ryan Beckman Eat your Stainey-Os! Ben Schachtman Carol Hu Ryan Beckman Aija McKenzie Jeff Buechner

Personals Editors Photography Editor What’s Shakin’ Editor Online Editor Advertising Manager Staff Artist Senior Editor

Macht Stain Fuehrer!

Liz Finelli Amy Groark Michael Wyzard Mike Stanley Carol Hu Amy Groark

THE MEDIUM is the entertainment weekly of Rutgers University. All articles are the opinions of the authors and are not necessarily shared by THE MEDIUM. Submission and business deadline is Sunday at 12:00 pm. THE MEDIUM is located in the SAC Cubicle N. All correspondence may be addressed to THE MEDIUM SAC Box 78, New Brunswick, N.J. 08903 or emailed to prometus@hotmail.com. Yesterday, my left nut attacked my right nut. Isn’t that nuts!!!

“Arbeit macht frei!”

Wednesday, October 30th, 2002

Gee Willickers!

- Laura Bush “The importance of fellatio after 9-11-01” Dear American Woman, I know a lot of you have been worried since the horrible disaster last year. You’ve been worried that, like our brave mothers and grandmothers, we women will be called upon to act as equals - in the home, in the workplace, and in the halls of government of this great country.

Rosie the Riveter for the 21st century.

Well, things are different now. Not even the flaming wreckage of our tallest and proudest skyscrapers can shake the patriarchy’s hold on our lives. You won’t be given temporary leave to voice your mind and flex your muscles, don’t worry. But, little Susie American, that doesn’t mean you don’t have a job to do.

In this day in age, terrorists are getting smarter, faster, more intelligent and quicker. They have access to top-of-theline technology, hardware, weapons and even the new Hummer H2. It was easier when they were driving around in Jeep Liberties with thirty year old Russian assault rifles and cheap fertilizer bombs, but those days are gone.

So we have to give our men the one thing that will give them the advantage on today’s modern military and economic battlefield - constant fellatio. Only with our patriotic lips wrapped around their turgid penises will the men who own and run our country prevail!

“Mmm. . . . Beefy”

SPECIAL HALLOWEEN OPINION!

The Art of Eating Baby - Mike Litoris -

At the meetings for The Medium (Wed. 9pm LSC) it has recently been brought to the attention of the writing staff by the editors that stories and such about eating babies is NOT an opinion. It was even stated that anything about eating babies at all is not funny, but what the hell would the Medium staff know about funny anyway? While the journalistic faux pas did not belong to me, I found the subject intriguing and saw it as my duty to inform the world of my opinion on the mastication of smooth, moist, tenderly cooked baby flesh. Mmm… Let me begin by saying I am not a sick person. In fact, I question at times my belonging on the Medium staff. I am not at all like these horrible people who only talk about trite cock jokes, hackneyed gay jokes, and dull, overused racist jokes. Now back to the sane, proper, and conventional discussion of eating babies.

I have never eaten a baby. I am crestfallen by this simple fact. It only makes sense in a world so large and full of babies that babies should be eaten.

We eat cows, chickens, veggies, pocket lint, and pork – all because they are in plentiful supply. However, we have even MORE babies. And we can always make more – it’s fun and easy (careful here at Rutgers though, you’re more than likely to catch something). What’s more is that baby flesh looks so fucking tempting. I was at Wendy’s today and this black woman had a baby over her shoulder. The black baby was crying in a shrill nasal whine befitting of a creature which had doubtlessly fell under the shadow of evil commie welfare. How do I know it was on welfare, you ask? It was black. Anyway, as it had been crying its face was all moist and its fat ebony cheeks were all swollen. All I saw in its screeching mouth was an apple, and a long hard spit shoved right up its ass. I said ass. Brits say arse, but I’m no fucking limey – it IS ass. I wanted to slice off thin pieces of its flesh and eat it slowly, with fine wine.

I know it would have just melted in my mouth. Plus it would have shut the fucking baby up. Two birds – one stone. It would have made my everything feel real good. Instead, I got chicken nuggets. Motherfucking chicken nuggets.

I know that baby would’ve tasted like chocolate or licorice or something.

In addition, imagine all the problems that would be eliminated if we just ate more babies. We would all be a lot less stressed, for one. I mean, babies are just fucking annoying. Secondly, women would then be used for the sole ThisandWeek’s Other Challenger purpose of making these babies, thus all their “rights” will be revoked and they will be in their rightful position – on their backs. Most importantly, world hunger would come to an end. All those fucking shit poor, backwards assed, pansy fucked countries like Somalia, Afghanistan, and France would be able to take care of themselves. I mean all those places that have been fucked over by the white man and exploited for like billions of years (since 1943 to be precise) are always fucking and making stupid, inferior-to-the-white-man babies. And then they can’t feed them. Or clothe them, so they’re running around all naked and shit. Fuckin’ queers. Now, if they ate them, they’d be fed, and they could then take the hairs and left over flesh and make some nice coats out of them. Beautiful. They can then market those babies for, like, five American dollars! Five! That is like $4.97 more than any of those shitty countries has now! Lastly, Osama bin Laden would have gotten his ass eaten, plus the people in that region wouldn’t be so angry. You know they just want to eat those babies, that’s why they keep having them (Osama bin Laden has like five bejillion brothers and sisters). And Saddamn Hussein would’ve been eaten, since, well, you just KNOW he was a fat baby.

So it is obvious and completely unquestionable that we should eat babies. Got it? No questioning. Now put down this paper, and go put a baby on a stick and take a bite. Then take another bite to commemorate all those sad souls that never got to eat a baby.

This tiny fetus isn’t just growing every day, its becomming more and more delicious!!!

Week 6: Too tart for most dishes, although you might use it in stews or crock pot dishes.

Week 7: With a consistency similar to ripened maraschino cherries, these make excellent additions to any antepasto dish.

Week 8: The placenta is now reaching the peak of its sweetness, making it perfect for deserts. After this point, it sours.

What’s scarier than eating babies?

The Opinions Page!

Week 12: Enjoy as a spreadable topping on Angel Food cake.

Week 20: The baby reaches the end of its first trimester, all the major organs are formed. This is about as old a fetus as you can use to make caviar dips.

Week 38: The newborn baby is now completely delicious and ready for consumption in a wide variety of meals. Try it in consommé, salads, pies, and even as a crazy new pizza topping! There is no limit to the culinary possibilities of baby!

“your dog has an inflamed anus.”

Surgeon General Deems The Review: Dangerous to Public Health

Wednesday, October 30th, 2002

$287,000

$525,000!

by colin marchiando STAFF WRITER

WASHINGTON-In a press conference on Monday, Acting Surgeon General Dr. Richard Carmona announced that new labeling will be required on the literal atrocity known as The Review. Carmona told the press that, “Intensive studies have not only shown, but proven that the Review is solely responsible for stupefying Rutgers students and faculty alike.

In short, people are getting dumber there by the second and we feel we have found the cause.” The new labeling, which will not take effect until January, will require all of The Review papers to come with a warning label indicating that the paper contains, “Harmful, Pretentious writing and half wit attempts at humor which will lead to birth defects, cerebral hemorrhaging, and one stank ass stink.” The medical community is widely applauding the move made by the Surgeon General.

Top officials at Robert Wood Johnson have commented that, “[The new labeling] will at least warn people before they subject themselves to the worst thing in news print today.” Carmona also issued a warning to others who hope to publicize papers similar to The Review, “If you are going to print something that is not funny, informational, interesting, or intriguing, at least throw a bunch of low quality, black and white pornographic pictures in so people have some reason tolook at it.”

RUTGERS CAN’T GET A DECENT PRESIDENT WITHOUT PAYING HIM OFF by carol hu news editor

New Brunswick, birth city of President Richard McCormick-- As a student of Rutgers University, you MUST BE well aware of the nearly endless quest for a president, which has finally come to an end. Today Richard McCormick was named our president.

Due to Ex-President Francis Lawrence’s inadequate performance as our leader (shedding all our tuition money on football), Governor McGreevey urged for his resignation.

Our new president doesn’t even want to be our president. As such a distinguished university, who wouldn’t want to be our president? Ranked #24 of public universities, University of Washington beats us by 11 at #13, there’s a reason why. However, Richard McCormick, Ex-President of the University of Washington actually began his teaching career right here, in 1976.

If the name McCormick was familiar to you before the presidential search, it’s because the dorm on Busch campus, named McCormick was Richard McCormick’s father who taught History at Rutgers for 37 years.

Apparently the job was none too appealing for Dick, but the $525,000 salary offered to him was of the utmost appealing. Initially Richard McCormick had turned down the job, but the humble salary offered to him evidently changed his mind.

F.Y.I. McCormick’s salary at University of Washington was $290,000, compared to Lawrence’s $287,000, but McCormick also collects a departure bonus scaled to the length of his time on the job, topping out at more than $600,000 after just 15 years.

This makes me think and I hate having to think, but why would we want to accept someone as president if they don’t even possess the desire to be here? Will he make any positive changes? It seems like no one at Rutgers wants to be here. Ask anyone and they’ll tell you Rutgers wasn’t their first choice or it was their only choice.

But now what? What happens to Rutgers Football? Without Lawrence at Head Coach Schiano’s side, who will pay us off to attend those games? Are we going to remain a giant corporation hidden by the façade of a university? Who cares, the outcome of new president McCormick will only show after anyone I know graduates, and by then it will not matter. They’ll tell me to donate money and “I’ll say take it out of McCormick’s salary!”

www.themedium.net “Peale” your clothes off @ our next meeting: LSC 113, 9:30 pm

mosquitoes have 47 teeth submit to: carolhu@eden.rutgers.edu

Wednesday, almost Halloween, October 30th, 2002

“what’s harder? sucking cock or sucking twat?”

JACKING OFF TO CHRISTINA AGUILERA WILL GIVE YOU AIDS by the volcano worshipper

christina, as she enters the pop scene, opposite of britney...

getting a little skanky and a little, uh a lot less shy...

RE! WHO

what was she thinking? this is during her moulin rouge period... christina now. completely whored out. nothing else to say, but... don’t look!

MEETING BECAUSE YOU THINK YOU CAN

COME TO A MEETING BECAUSE WE’RE FUN AND WE’RE BAD. WE’RE SO BAD THAT WE ALL NEED A GOOD SPANKING. COME TO A

MEETING

send articles to: carolhu@eden.rutgers.edu

sity president Richard L. McCormick is no stranger to the man who’s job he is taking. The former University Of Washington president and outgoing RU head Fran Lawrence are close friends and have over the years formed an almost dominant relationship which experts called a “father son bond”. Lawrence originally met the orphaned McCormick in 1967 and the two became very close, even renting an apartment together in downtown Camden. Neighbors recall that Lawrence, a notorious disciplinarian, would make McCormick run several miles after each opposing teams score against Rutgers football team.

McCormick is believed to have run 789 miles during that time. Lawrence also made McCormick eat only crackers and honey, saying it would make McCormick a “wiser” and “braver” administrator.

After the RU search committee decided on McCormick to replace the lame duck Lawrence on the banks, it was Fran Lawrence himself who drove to Tacoma to pick up his old student. The two made the long trip to New Brunswick together in Lawrence’s 1990 Chevrolet Caprice, the trunk of which Lawrence altered to allow for higher education to take place from within the vehicle. The pair of academics made their way east, stopping only at a few Ponderosa Steak houses and Home Depots where they randomly educated several students, before arriving in New Brunswick late last week.

McCormick hopes that reporters don’t make too much of an issue of him replacing his mentor as Rutgers 19th president, calling it, “no threat to our relationship”. However one must think there is some tension between the two, since they worked so closely together in the past. Witnesses say that many times McCormick would act as a spotter, locating new students, while Lawrence would then carry out the actual education of them. Fran Lawrence himself has not committed to any plan for his life postRutgers, but rumors abound that he plans to drive around in his souped up Caprice randomly educating youths in parking lots and gas stations across the region.

T HE “TROUBLE” MEDIUM. THAT’S US. COME TO A MEETING BECAUSE I THINK IT’S IN LIVINGSTON STUDENT CENTER, ROOM 113 AT 9:30PM, BUT NOT FOR LONG BECAUSE WE WERE BAD. I’M TELLING YOU... WE’RE BAD. SO COME TO A MEETING BECAUSE WE HAVE A LOT OF HOT EDITORS ON STAFF, LIKE MICHAEL STANLEY, OUR PERSONALS EDITOR. SEND HIM A LOT OF PERSONALS: STAINEY@WITTY.COM. DON’T FORGET TO ARTICLES : NEWS ME SEND CAROLHU@EDEN.RUTGERS.EDU

an innocent christina during her mulan soundtrack period...

TRAMP

TO

Tacoma, Washington-- New Rutgers Univer-

TROUBLE IS OUR MIDDLE NAME ;

CHRISTINA TIME LINE: FROM INNOCENT

by brian benson STAFF WRITER & HAIRY CUNT LICKER

SOME PIZZA AND SOME TROUBLE BECAUSE

study has shown that masturbating while listening to the music of or viewing a music video by Christina Aguilera, looking at a picture of her, or even merely thinking about said images while jacking off, can possibly give you AIDS, and several other sexually transmitted diseases. As you may have noticed, the pop star has been on a quest to out-slut rival pop start Britney Spears.

She has even gone so far as to claim that her image was never a goody-goody one, like Britney also similarly claimed when her first album came out, so she's not breaking any rules for herself by acting all slutty. But really, she's just a fucking jealous bitch, and she'll do whatever her manager says will sell records, so she's basically acting like a porn star now. This is amusing, but beware: it has been scientifically proved that Christina Aguilera has been implanted with hormones which give off rays that transmit diseases usually only received during sexual intercourse. Don't ask me how the fuck it happened, and don't ask me how it's gonna sell records, but it happened. And every one of you who masturbated during the "Dirrty" video (what the shit is up with adding an extra R? People!

Illiteracy also spreads diseases!) and to the cover of the new Rolling Stone, you guys are just fucked. That "Lady Marmalade" shit should've been enough to warn you. And not only am I barely able to pay my rent, but I have to pay VD clinic bills too. Fuck. I HATE YOU CHRISTINA!!!!!

I CAN, WHICH IS PRETTY EASY IF YOU GIVE IT A TRY. COME TO A MEETING IF YOU WANT

A

New RU President learned from Lawrence McCormick and Lawrence had “father son” relationship

COME UP WITH SOMETHING FUNNIER THAN

STAFF WRITER & MILTON

Wednesday, October 30th, 2002

“But... I have a beard.”

Cheap, Easy, Homemade Costumes

If god had a penis, he would rape babies.

by The Mad Typer

By A Wasted Mind; A Staff

Where do feelings come from - god, obviously. God puts them there to tell us something, That something being - ‘I (god) will it so. Feelings are not like thoughts, they are beyond our control. And everyone knows that anything beyond our control comes from god. So, if you feel something, it cannot be in anyway shameful or wrong because it is god speaking to you. If god did approve, he would not put those feelings there, how else can one explain where feelings come from. This is a simple logical truth and if you don’t believe it, then you are probably British, and it is a well-known fact that all homosexuals come from Britain and that all homosexuals lie.

3. With Spiderman such a hit this So, having said that, let me ask you, precious reader (unless you are one of the year, who has the money to buy a above mentioned limey heretic fags) - if having sex with newborns feels so good, how can it be wrong? The mere mention of their warm spongy flesh as it parts costume that was worth five bucks and is now thirty? Not poor people, under my soviet missile of a cock, makes me throb with religious ecstasy. The so why not be another classic Marsquishy sound their insides make as I slide in and out... Ahhh... mellifluous! The vel comics character.... The Human rigor mortis slowly setting in on their once squirming little bodies. It doesn’t Torch! It's so easy; all you need is a matter if the baby is male or female; most times the vagina is too tiny for proper gallon of gasoline and a lighter. Just accommodation anyway. So the best thing to do I found, is to simply create pour and light.... it's that easy! another orifice. A shotgun wound to the stomach works the best. Depending on the caliber bullets you use, you can make the hole as tight or as ample as is Just a friendly piece of advice... if 2. Number 2 is a classic! Nothing pleasing to you. Carving out an eye and scull fucking them in the empty socket you’re going to be a Flaming Nazi says Halloween like an aborted feworks well if you are Asian. In fact, you can do both! It’s magical really, like the Fetal Torch... you may want to tie tus. The costume is simple. All you hand of the almighty himself picking my face up gently by the chin, so that I may your umbilical cord in a knot so your need is a plastic bag, a vacuum, and gaze into his benevolent eyes. This goes far beyond the mere physical act of sex insides don’t fall out. quart of placenta juice. Wrap the bag with an infant; I cum from the joy of knowing if I feel so good, then god is happy. around your head, and pour the juice on your naked body. The vacuum is to I try to do my duty to him at least twice a week. You should too. Only then can simulate how you came to be. It's so simple. you find out what true love of a god for his children is. So go out there with this knowledge, if you feel pleasure from penetrating babies, then you are vicari1. And of course, the undisputed king of Halloween is...... Hitler! This cos- ously pleasuring god with your own hands. Yes, in that way. tume has been so popular, millions of people in Germany donned this costume On a more materialistic note: where to get babies. Why George Street of course. year round, and now you can too. All it takes is a bottle of ink, some brown Once you make your way out of Rutgers and into the human zoo that is New shirts, brown pants, decorative swastikas, and a hatred for the Jews. Apply Brunswick itself (you’ll know once you get there), approach the first pregnant ink to the upper lip, don your brown garb, and go kill 6 million of the cheap crack whore that tries to suck you off for a sammich and tell her that you are bastards. It's child’s play.... anyone can do it! willing to take the child off her hands. If she seems outraged repeat “ Puta, yo quiero tu nino. Por favor.” and slap her for further emphasis. She will then So there is the list of easy to make costumes, and remember, just because graciously consent and you can pick up the child at the proper time and, you you're poor, have nothing to eat, give hand jobs to closet gays for pennies, and know... fuck it. Since there is an inexhaustible amount of knocked up Puerto lick the poop chute, doesn't mean you can't dress up for Halloween.

Rican sluts in this town, you will have a constantly supply of fresh babies for your carnal delight. Another good way to find babies is by scouting ZTA and other houses Send Features... stuff to of ill repute. When those CuteBoyAss@hotmail.com or goddamn japs take about 20 dicks a night, more then a few RyanBeck@eden.rutgers.edu of them are bound to get pregnant. So you can volunteer your services to them as an expert rusty coat hanger abortionist and save their precious “Untitled” reputation. But if you accidenby More Man than Mouse tally happen to kill them while And on the last day God created the palm and said, " Adam I know that Eve is not performing the act, do not perfect but whenever she says no and you just dont know what to do with yourworry; this is merely another self, just take your hand like this and backhand that bitch right across the jaw and God doesn’t like to rape babies... he likes to suck on the half of a double ended dildo way to make god happy. This say "bitch now you are on your kness and I didnt even have to ask twice". is also a holy truth. that isn’t in a small child’s willing anus.

And so Adam did as he was told and so did Eve. But eventually Adam's hand began to go numb from the Mike Tyson chin that Eve had acquired over the years of beatings. Adam feeling overpowered reached into the ground and took out a worm. he crushed it in his hand and proceeded to use it as lube. Adam became flabergasted by this sensation.......a truly remarkable one indeed. He could finally relax and not have to worry about Eve recovering from her concussion before he finished. Just as Adam was about to blow his his load, Eve came running in but before she could even say one word Adam screamed, "dammit bitch get back the in the kitchen and cook me some meat loaf".

Poetry Co rner sheep haiku

sheep soft woolly asses love to hear their sexy bleats slam slam slam slam slam from, allen newton

The moral of the story: 1. Don’t buy lube unless there are no earth worms around.

2. Use the Donkey Punch instead of a right to the jaw since it leaves her defenseless and disoriented for atleast 5 minutes 3. Meatloaf is only good when you are not the one making it.

www.themedium.net

With Halloween fast approaching, all the little children dressed as ghouls and goblins come out. Now, some unfortunate kids can't go out and buy the newest, best costume around.

So, I decided to be a good person and compile a list of three easy to make costumes.

“Happy Dead.”

Wednesday, October 30th, 2002

The Bigot-O-Matic By “Pink Eyed” Jim Cortina

Comics

Italians (Guineas, WOPs) bastards.

are/is a moron(s) who support(s) pedophile priests

Irish (Micks)

who only care(s) about Rutgers tell(s) women what to do, and have stolen all football. the high paying jobs,

Canadians (Eh, Aboot)

who won’t admit that they want to have/has control of the liberal media see this country become a communist state.

Republicans

kill Whitey!

should stay in the kitchen and make babies

Democrats (Communists) so we should deport them and nuke cant’ speak English, and need to stay the fuck their countries. out of our country Arabs, Moslems* (Towel- and should all be drowned. heads)

all have blond(e) moustaches and are/is an overbearing muscle-head(s)

Catholics

we should shoot them at the bor- have/has been oppressing the black man for der. years

Lawyers (Scumbags)

God damn it!

Gays** (Fags, Dykes)

so we should bomb their churches. degrade the quality of this country’s gene pool and use all of our free healthcare

are a bunch of/is a liberal(s) hell-bent on giving minorities all the power in this country

Women (Bitches)

and insane Fenchurch.

sisters

named move(s) into or neighborhoods and decrease property values

Men (Dickheads)

and I’m not gonna take it anymore! look(s) exactly like us and can easily infiltrate our country, eh

Illegal Immigrants

God damned deviants.

are/is intolerant of others’ ways

Foreigners

starve them to death.

have/has 12 year old curves or small cocks

Medium Staff Reporters

and should each have a flock of are the best lovers in the world men/women at their disposal.

Fran Lawrence

and shouldn’t get paid more than is/are all in the Mafia me.

Guys named “Russell”

ship them back!

Come to the medium meeting, tonight in the Livingston Student Center... room 113 at 9:30... be there or be a poop-licker.

But Papa...

and if they don’t listen to us, we are/is overpaid and don’t/doesn’t care about should beat them senseless. justice

Then your wang tastes like my poopy

Asians (Asains)

do/does nothing but eat potatoes, drink beer, and fight,

I can do many things That may be true, aside from anal. but I don’t give a shit now turn over.

so let’s all become diesel dykes and write bad feminist poetry

Stop looking at my ass.

Jews (Kikes)

and not even remotely funny

Blacks (Too many to list) let’s kick ‘em out of the US once is a/are meaningless prig(s) and for all!

were sideways

smell(s) like shit, and are all terrorists

So... the comics

Whites (Crackers, Honkeys)and should all be gassed.

this week... die

How many times have you been walking down the street and noticed some racially motivated graffiti, or seen two guys of one color, beating up one guy of another color, and said to yourself, “Gee willakers, Send stuff to Wally, I wish I could be a bigot just like those guys; It seems like such an alluring lifestyle. But I have so RyanBeck@eden.rutgers.edu much homework I never have any time. Sigh.” It is supposed by many marketing agencies (using whatever If you’re too worthless to bullshit testing method they or the psychologists have come up with this week) that millions of people suffer do that then send somejust like you. Fear not, politically correct dude, there may be hope for you yet. It’s called the Bigot-Othing to Matic®. Now there’s a quick and easy way to become nearly any kind of racist imaginable! It’s easy to CuteBoyAss@hotmail.com. use, just pick a race, gender, occupation, or religion from the left column, and team it up with some of the If you can’t do that... you finishing statements, and Voila, you’re halfway there! Next all you have to do is beat this statement into are the worst person in your head until it’s practically all you can think about. Then, spray paint it on various walls, chalk it on the world... including relevant people’s sidewalks, call radio talk shows and repeat this phrase over and over, harass members NegaDuck. of your hated group in public about this statement, and flood chat rooms on the internet with your new credo. Reprinted here, with permission, are a few sample statements from this amazing new invention.

Come to the medium meeting, tonight in the Livingston Student Center... room 113 at 9:30... be there or be a ball-eater.

Come to the medium meeting, tonight in the Livingston Student Center... room 113 at 9:30... be there or be a fishstick.

try/tries to push their/his/her sexuality on us

* Technically not the same, but a real bigot will put them in the same category. ** Also includes lesbians and bisexuals.

You see, folks? Now it’s super easy to become a bigot on your own. Here’s a hint, do you want to be an u*ber Bigot? Simply choose every group on this list except your own, and match it up with stateDaddy! Can I put my legs around your head ments, memorize them and preach them to anyone within earshot. from the other side?

“Dude, if ever there was anyone that wasn’t Sashimi...”

Choose or Die

“The Ring” Review By Staff Writer Bridget (R.V.B.) Overall, “The Ring” is your ordinary, everyday, scary movie. The only twist is, it’s more fucked up and on steroids. The story follows the basic plot of any urban legend.

Girl finds tape, girl watches tape, realizes that tape kills you, girl dies. You know, the average story. More in depth, “The Ring” follows a reporter; Rachel Keller (Naomi Watts) as she investigates this urban legend after she herself has just watched this tape. This movie was put together extremely well, in the aspect that you get sucked (just like a Vietnamese whore) into Rachel’s world. Halfway through you feel like you are in the movie like it has just pulled you in. It plays out well, as she investigates, you find out more and more, as you try and be a detective yourself. Whether you’re searching through the articles of a newspaper looking for a related case (or penis enhancing cream), or asking local people around town for more clues, you will still be scared shitless (literally, I haven’t gone in weeks) when that lurking being comes in from behind (and ass rapes you).

Another great feature of this movie is a personal favorite, in that it went back to the Ol’ HitchCOCK days of never showing you any death scenes. There is very little, if any blood or gore in this entire movie (sorry Jason fans). Luckily though, you can still get your spooks from some of the make-up on certain characters. Lastly, on a more personal note, this movie CREEPED me the fuck out. And, I’m not one who is easily scared, well, except for “Kazaam” with Shaq as a rapping Genie, which scared the be-Jesus out of me. But still, this movie does not look like it will disappoint even the most avid scary moviegoers. On the Rubber Vagina Grading Scale we give this movie a D. Given that this scale is based on a D, B, A, C System. But that is only so Bart can go to “Kamp Krusty.”

Wednesday, October 30, 2002

Read my reviews, not the “Inside Beat”

By Michael Stanley Foo Fighters: One by One If you’re anything like me (and I know I am) you’ve been waiting to hear from the Foo Fighters since their last release, a single to the Orange County Soundtrack, “The One”. What many don’t know is that the group went though a lot to finish the CD. The drummer, Taylor Hawkins, had a drug overdose and went through rehabilitation, Dave Grohl continued to argue with the woman who killed Kurt Cobain regarding Nirvana matters, the band had unproductive recording sessions and Dave had a stint with another band.

However, everyone is back together and promoting the new release. My first taste of All my Life made me want to hear the rest of the CD, so like any other college student I found them on Direct Connect and gave them a listen. I was pleasantly surprised with how the disc began songs that rocked and reminded me of how rock used to be, well used to be before this Pop shit like Avril “I’m Satan’s spawn” Levigne. One by One is similar to previous Foo Fighters releases in the sound of the songs and the catchy guitar riffs backed by solid drumming. This CD has both slow and fast tempo songs much like any Foo release, and the slower tracks hold their own compared to The Colour & the Shape. If you’ve enjoyed any of the three past Foo Fighters releases you’re sure to enjoy One by One and if you’ve just been a fan of “Everlong” off of Colour… give the CD a try, the Foo Fighters are one of the few bands out there that are still worth your time to listen.

One by One was released last week on October 22 nd, I suggest downloading a few tracks then buying the CD, or downloading the rest of the tracks (like I did).

I M I H S A S From the Arts Editor:

This Halloween, I want all you kiddies to be smart. Look for razors in your fruits and roofies in your drinks. Ladies, realize that you can be a cat for Halloween, but maybe it’s not a good idea for you to wear nothing but a thong and kitten ears, being that it’s gonna be FORTY FUCKING DEGREES OUTSIDE. Wait till later to get naked, and if you end up getting pneumonia from your backless shirts, don’t say I didn’t warn ya.

While you’re at it, send your submissions to Shorty_fat_fat@yahoo.com, and, if you really want, come see me at the Medium meeting, tonight at 9:30, LSC Room 113. Let’s Dance.

Wednesday, October 30th, 2002

“Grant me the freedom of polygamy!”

yummy!

To the girl in my art history recitation (th4 vh-006d) with the nose ring and writes lefthanded. YOU ARE GORGEOUS. i would love to model greek abstract heroic poses for you. but im too retarded and ill probably never talk to you. but i will stalk you. write back if you got this message. stalker (She said to stop stalking her or she’ll have me kick your ass. She’s blowing me, by the way.)

To the dumb motherfucker in my women's studies class in LSH: You are a tool and the dumbest piece of dim-witted shit I have ever had the displeasure of having to tolerate.

STOP TALKING. You are a complete waste of a human-being and I wish I had a dick so I could pin you to the ground with my foot on your neck and cream into your repulsive Surfing: This happens when you mouth hopefully leading to your nail a fat woman. As you watch death by suffocation so I will the rippling effect of her rolls never have to hear you spew with every thrust, along with the your ridiculous,uninformed, igfeeling of being drenched, off norant, poorly expressed opinbalance, out of control, and in ions ever again. go kill yourdanger, you are given the sense self. of riding the ultimate wave.

(Everyone knows, of course, that all beleivable, well informed, and sufficiently expressed opinions are delivered to you courtesy of The Medium personals.)

Wake Up Call: Waking up in the middle of the night with the hard on of your life. You then turn to your fast asleep partner and dry fuck her ass into oblivion. The clincher to performing a wake up call is to act like nothing of the sort happened in the morning. E.g.

"Sweetheart, what's that on your back?"

(Note: There will be no baby Your personal could have been raping at any Medium meetover this fabulous specimen of ing ever again. We’re sorry.) female ass, but you didn’t send I LOVE MY HOUSEMATE.. one in. What the hell is the FUCK NO!!I HATE ALL OF matter with you? Didn’t you lisYOU! I’M GOING TO ten to what your mother always SUCK AND FUCK ALL tried to tell you? Send a perYOU FUCKS TILL YOUR sonal to stainey@witty.com.

FUCKING FUCKED!!THE You’re breaking mom’s heart.

SAME GOES TO ALL THE LITTLE FUCKS WHO GET To all the fucks on stone ....do IN THE THE WAY OF THE you know what i do when all BADDEST MOTHER you cock suckers are sleepFUCK TO STEP IN THIS ing? No, well i’ll tell you.i go HELLHOLE!!!! LOVE, through your underwear and SKULLOMANIA X jerk off in it so all of you fucks (Coincidentally, I also love can expercience what your my housemate, but I live mothers feel when my cum alone. Sigh, the joys of mas- drips out of there loose turbation.) vag’s..then i eat all your Lunchbox, i jerked off on your shit and don’t think twice bar of soap today and i rubbed about it..after that i spit my man my cum into it. Then i put a pair juice out the third floor winof your boxers on and i left the dow onto your cars that sit in left over cum dry and my small MY driveway..by this time i am asian cock stuck to your favor- sitting in the dark corner of my This personal, and all snappy ite pair of boxers. im goign to room thinking about how i’m comments brought to you by fight your stank ho after i fuck going to kill my roomate and assistant personals editor/sexi- my slut and get syphilis and pass his lady friend after they are est man in America, “Pink it on to her. BOO-YAH done fucking....I’m just kiddin.

Eyed” Jim Cortina. Email me love your roommate, with comments or hate mail, lunchmeat (So that’s why my underwear pinkeyedjim@hotmail.com (It always makes me a bit have been all crusty lately...

Grew a mustache and a mul- teary to see two guys so much wait a minute, I’m not on let, got a job at chick-fil-a... in love.)

Stone...)

www.themedium.net If you ever want to see her again, come to the Medium meeting Tonight 9:30 LSC 113 I like candlelit dinners, and fuzzy little kittens with hot sauce. Mmm...mmm!

“Canal - See = Fun!” The latest research indicates To that fag who sits crossthe possibility that all women legged on the bus and in class, produce female ejaculate, even I think you’re cool dude, reif they are not aware of it. The ally I do - I just hope your dick expelled or released fluid is not doesn’t shrivel up and turn urine, it is an alkaline liquid se- purple when you get comfortcreted by the paraurethral able like that. Where the hell do glands. The paraurethral you think you are - in France?? glands produce an enzyme called prostatic acid phos- (My dick turned purple once phatase (PAP) and glucose (a when I got a blow-job from a sugar). These substances have prostitute in Mon Marte) been found in much higher to the ice cream “dude” with the quantities in female ejaculate beard and bandana on Busch. than are found in urine. The you silly fucken engineer fluid from the paraurethral wanker. im goign to put you in glands is released or expelled a cage and display you at a star during orgasm as a result of wars convention and tell everypelvic muscle contractions. one that you are the bastard son Stimulation of the G spot or of Chubaca and Princess Lea’s paraurethral gland is not re- that fell to Earth and landed in quired for this to occur and it Jersey. Im going to turn you into may occur in the absence of my GIMP. orgasm. The glands may sim- i love you sooooo much but ply overflow with fluid and as you love someone else.and i a result it seeps out. won’t wait for you any more To that girl who wears the tight even though i know you care ass pants at Livingston: Don’t about me. so die so i can move stop! Every guy at Rutgers on with my life and find a hot University looks foward to guy who i can love and who walking behind you so they will love me back because i can can download mental images no longer have half ur heart u for future masturbation. fucking bastard PS You have probably have (According to what I’ve been masturbated over more heard the ladies talk about, than any other whore at all the good guys are already Rutgers. Congratulations ;) taken. But, if it’s any conso(What kind of congratulalation I’m sure you can find tions is that? It’s like saying, tons of frat guys who would congrats I gave you herpes! love to be with you, and by or congrats you’ve gotten be with you I mean sexually, into Rutgers, The State Uniunless of course you’re fat, versity of NJ!) then I’m sorry but you’ll have Rob- You think you killed me to do some major calorie cutin the spoon game but you are ting to become desired, rehorribly wrong. I so fucked s member people, being fat can duped you, and you can’t ad- i be temporary, if you want it mit that you were suckered f to be) into believing that I was really l r playing. I hope you know that & o I do not consider myself out o c of the game, go ahead say l k you’ve killed me but know that l you’re wrong! y

Attn: protesters outside of Brower and the Student Center on Thursday — I didn’t show up for a fuckin’ Palestine vs. Israel rally, I showed up for an anti-war on Iraq rally.

Congratufuckinglations to BOTH sides for hijacking the crowd. You people do not understand each other — either that, or the majority jews and arabs really hate one another and nobody has the balls to say it. Stop turning every damn rally into your issues debate — YOU ARE THE ONLY ONES WHO CARE!! To the people who tell me that war is war and that Palestine and Iraq are the same issue, tell me, exactly what region does Saddam Hussein rule over? Oh yeah, that’s what I thought. Not Palestine! Jesus Christ people (oops sorry, that’s not your bag baby). Take it somewhere else.

And what the hell was that bullshit improptu speech about Abraham??? ABRAHAM HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH SECULAR WAR RALLIES AND PRESIDENT BUSH!!! GET IT RIGHT!!! GET IT RIGHT!!!

Puppies and kisses, All-ex.

(Blah, blah, blah...Shut the fuck up! All some people do is complain and complain and complain...)

Mischief Night 2002

Rutgers Football Dis’ of the Week !!!One-Seventeen Walkin’ ‘round campus, Chest all puffed

up Proud as hell to be a part of the team Talkin’ to her and kickin’ it to her best-friend Both get played and still love you in the end Making the grade, cuz your TA, had made a mistake and gave you an A For effort...cuz you damn sure don’t do no work Strollin’ ‘round campus, chest all swoll up Proud as hell to be a part of the team Rockin’ Rutgers football apparel, like its bling-bling.

Don’t you know that shit don’t mean a thing Well maybe it does, on the other hand It means your the fuck-a-girl-thennever-speak-to-her-again kinda man It means you think your shit don’t stink And before you act you don’t have to think About the consequence Cuz Schiano will call and it’ll all make sense Why you get off without charges or time When most people would do five to nine Walkin’ ‘round campus, Chest all puffed up Proud as hell to be a part of the team EGO BIGGER THAN LIFE ITSELF Your always at practice...BUT IT REALLY DOESN’T HELP! Cuz you still: Fumble repeatedly Trippin’ over your own feet Unless it’s a safety, can’t even score Catchin’ the ball like “Pass INTENDED for...?” Tacklin’ like a dummy But ain’t it funny, that you still Walk around campus, chest all swoll up Proud as hell to be a part of the DIVISION ONE, R-U football team It’s a damn shame your (1-6), ranked ONESEVENTEEN!

Photo by Liz

yummy!

Hey OJ, you sexy mother fucker, dead-man-on-campuslook-alike. Next time we see you be ready, we want you bad. I want you ram your big white BRONCO into my JEEP LIBERTY. We’re gonna do naughty things to you, like torture you with Homies, bring your sexy cousin with the mohawk along too, so we can make it a Homie orgy. We wanna make it a family thing, and it’s ok the history teacher made fun o f you, we still wanna do you. fucked a 3rd Are You Confused? Brady grader, oh what a beautiful day!

Not Busy on Wednesday night?

Dawson’s Creek a re-run again?

Come by the weekly Medium Meeting, room 113 of the Livingston Student Center at 9:30. We promise you’ll have a good time, or your money back*! *MONEY BACK NOT OFFERED SINCE MEETINGS ARE FREE

Man oh man, Mattia’s up coming plot line is easyas hell to see though it.

Chris is going to go after yellow backpack and hijinx occur. Ha-ha-ha.. well Guy Patrick ,you’re funnier then RU Mccraken. (what a comment that is there, it’s like saying no you’re not that ugly I guess I’ll bang you)

Need a good laugh? Check out the website at www.themedium.net where we’ve got past papers, tons of links and our happy fun game. Check ‘em all out! dear mi diablo, though you To that hairy fat fuck I caught look like a hedgehogg you are fucking in the shower..w/the the biggest sweetheart ever. shampoo bottle. Hey bitch, I Just kidding,It is so great to wonder why your gf left have a boyfriend as good to me you...you became a fatter,uglier as you are and I'm even willing stoner who lost all cares but to share you with pandy drugs and booze. Have fun wandy. I hope to see you soon being alone, you'll never get a babe. I love you, Tu Bruja piece of ass that nice. Thanks para mi querida sarah, siempre for getting my bf to pick up ur pienso en ti y te estraño mucho, V-day shit you lazy asshole.

Have fun smokin up in fat man's con amor, Peña utopia! (awww.. ¡que lindo!)

To my friend at the RWRFC to quote the asian man outside thanks a ton for the invites to the quick-e-mart that is wack! all the parties they’re the best Chris, can you move it like this, parties i’ve been to at all of I can shake it like that!

123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789 RU, the people are totally chill 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789 and you play great music..

123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789 Remember I’m 12123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789 years old, I do 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789 Rutgers slut, Rutgers slut what I want, I run 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789 Take it in the Rutgers -butt with 6 gangs!

123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789 RU Clean? I think not 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789 Hey fagshitter, 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789 You don’t care whose dick you got get ready to die!

And if you can’t find cock tonight Pleasure yourself with a kite Thanks Cameron Cause thats how huge yo skank ass is and Jim for helping with the per- From all your non-stop rompin’ biz But as for me I’ll leave you be sonals this week.

And weep for your Jeep Liberty -Max Cable

Poem of the Week

“Lil’ Girls with Autism look the same from behind as Lil’ Girls without it.”

I was so excited to see all of the Medium boys in this week's issue. As a lonely, and often horny woman, I must say that Ben Shachtman is looking pretty hot right about now, even if his dick is just, and I quote 'alright'. What do you say we go out for coffee sometime? Oh, you don't drink coffee? How about some sex, then? I thought so.

(Well, Ben is a flaming homosexual, who loves the cock. I mean really, really loves the cock. If you’re looking for some sweet sweet lovin’ try going to www.ilovemartinscock.com) I went to www.childporn.com the other day. But what I found out what that it was a site against child pornography; I was really fucking pissed!!!

To the white boy who just stole my ring. You know who you are. The fact that you would steal such a cheap(5 dollars- 5 years ago) and corroded ring after seeing that it fell off my finger just shows that you are either a crackhead or a white devil. Or you may be both! I just hope you are able to buy enough smack to O.D. you filthy scumbag!

(Yo, dam the man, all of them cracka ass crackas out there, better watch themselves, before us crazy boyz up in the hizzy, represent ourselves. By the Way, don’t you be worryin’ none about that cheap ass ring, That white boy got to live his life with a lil’ small jewish cock.)

To that girl that looks like Avril Lavigne in Campell Hall; What (Yeah, I fucking hate when is your cup size? How do you that happens too, I usually shave your puss? and Ass Hair? just get my masturbation (I called her up for you: C 36, requirement out of ‘http:// Brazillian, and ‘like a Russian zoosex.freshzoosex.com’ It Stallion Baby.) really helps for keepin’ up the urges.)

To that hot dumb sophomore in my Expository Writing 1 class. Your dumb for failing that course and having to take it again, but I would still titty fuck you until the CAME down, and then CAME back up again.

To that asshole Nick who got kicked out of the house... No one likes you! You are a fucking lying, theif and thats why you got kicked out of your frat too. Why dont you go psycho on your girlfriend again because you saw a picture of her holding hands with her best friend. Then you can put her in another headlock, drag her down the stairs and call the cops on her again... FAG! After that, you can try to start another fight with one of your roomates and get this shit beat out of you AGAIN, just like last time except this time we can have even more of the neighbors watch you get the shit beat out of you.

Send Your Personals into stainey@witty.com.

If you don’t, Dustin Diamond will Smite your pagan Gods.

To any AzN/aZn’s out there, please for the love of god, or buddha, or whatever the fuck your fake god is; grow larger penises, You guys are so hott, but your penis’ are way too small, especially any phillipino’s in Quad 1 ~Soristitute

Wednesday, October 30th, 2002 123456789012345678901234567 123456789012345678901234567 123456789012345678901234567 123456789012345678901234567 123456789012345678901234567 123456789012345678901234567 123456789012345678901234567 123456789012345678901234567 123456789012345678901234567 123456789012345678901234567 123456789012345678901234567 123456789012345678901234567 123456789012345678901234567 123456789012345678901234567 123456789012345678901234567 123456789012345678901234567 123456789012345678901234567 123456789012345678901234567 123456789012345678901234567 123456789012345678901234567 123456789012345678901234567 123456789012345678901234567 123456789012345678901234567 123456789012345678901234567 123456789012345678901234567 123456789012345678901234567

Do you want this to be you, come by TheMedium Meeting, Wednesdays at 9:30 PM in room 113 at LSC

To the fuckin homo chink who wears the fuckin gay ass fisherman hat in patty cakes orgo class (TTH 7). Shut the fuck up!!!! you always say this fuckin bullshit every class and im sick of u trying to suck the professors cock... if u wanna do that do it on ur own personal time and spare us of homosexual endencies!!!Oh yeah I almost forgot about the fuckin gundhi who always closes the door in the same fuckin class. Leave the fuckin door open. Its about 110 degrees in beck hall auditorium and we need a breeze. Im sorry we arent all indian like you and like the temperature to be 110. If u close that door again u will be beat!!get a sweater u fuckin gundhi... im sick of all this bullshit in this class!!!!!!!! HomoHater (HomoHater, you certainly do have a lot of rage in you.

All for good reasons, though, next time, you might want to try focusing in on fat people.

Two reasons: one, they’re slow and won’t be able to catch up to you, and two, all chinks know karate, it’s a true stereotype.)

I FUCKING LOVE BIG TITS, I MEAN I LOVE THEM TO THE EXTREME, FI THERE WERENT BIG TITS IN THIS WORLD, I WOULD JUST GO AND COMMITT SUICIDE. EVEN UGLY FAT BITCHES HAVE BIG TITS. SO YOU SEE BIG TITS AREN’T PREJUDICE AGAINST ANYBODY. WHY CAN’T EVERY CHICK HAVE BIG TITS. (wow no need for all caps, do you know how many typing laws you are breaking by doing so...well one, “typing in all caps.” but yes, I as well, love the sweet sweet feeling of big tits pressed against my sweet cock.)

I have a question, I seem to have acquired 100 brand new dead babies, the problem is, I can’t find room for them all, All my closets are full, and even my girlfriend’s parent’s (Hey, what in the hell is refridgerator is full, What am I wrong with getting a to do? woman, putting her in a headlock, dragging her (Two words, Blender-ize. down the stairs, and calling Well actually, that’s only one word, but still, it’s a damn the cops on her?) good idea.)

Hey, Medium, what is up with this ‘ilovemartinscock.com’ What would happen if you bullshit. who is Martin? and crossed a manatee with a Why is the offspring of a horse platypus? You would get a and a donkey a mule, and not a why do you love his cock?

Manapus!!!!

Honkey?

(Martin’s Cock Tastes Good, (Very Clever, Very Clever inwww.ilovemartinscock.edu Bacon Tastes Good.) deed)

When I think of duct tape the first thought that comes to mind is stage crew. Stereotypically obsessed with duct tape, they often hold true to their love and usage of the severe adhesive.

I’ve used duct tape to hold up garter stockings. My friend has used duct tape to hold his car together, literally. Another friend and I shopped for different colors (and found them) so he could decorate his dorm room. There is even a pagea-day calendar for all the uses of duct tape. The person who invented it should get a big hug from the world for his wonderful discovery and all who come across the amazing tape should thank their lucky stars that is it in their life.

(To any and all minorities out there. If you are offended by the previous statement, we would like to remind you not to take out your aggression on ‘The Medium’ staff. If you would like to take out your aggression on ‘The Medium’ staff, we would like to remind you that we are all 250 pound all muscle gargantuins who know a martial arts of some stpe and our skin is bullet, knife,and wooden stake proof.)

To the person who has been shitting the largest sized pieces of crap that I have ever seen in my fucking life in the bathrooms of the Metzger building- Holy fucking crap dude, your ass must be the size of a fucking blimp. What the hell do you do?

Masturbate your asshole with (Wow, I’ve never met a more the Washington Monument? To pathetic person in my enitre the readers-I swear this shit life. I bet you are both fat was the size of a small newborn and ugly for loving duct tape baby! Take some fucking Exso much. You have to be, on Lax or something. Have some the other hand you probably decency for god's sake. give great handjobs, espe- PS-This goes for the girls too cially if you use duct tape in cuz both bathrooms have been the process. Besides, every- violated. one knows that Gaffer’s (You’re in college dude get Tape is stronger and better used to it,Between the Beer, looking, you fucking queer- The Fat Bitches, And College ass loser.)

Food, you’re bound to find I fucking hate Spics, Chinks, one shit soon enough, you Wops, Dotheads, Kikes, never know, maybe one of Wetbacks, Honkys, Japs, these days you’ll take claim Gooks, Camel Jockys, and The to a shit like that yourself, French; But man do I love and that day will be the greatest day of your life, and I’m Niggers. talking better then when you HI BEN’S MOM, WE found out about masturbaLOVE YOUR tion!)

ORAFICES!!!!

“It’s uter-us, not uter-you”

Wednesday, October 30th, 2002

New York Wed 10/30 - Porcupine Tree, Mike Doughty - Irving Plaza Wed 10/30 - Ladytron - Knitting Factory Wed 10/30 - Jurassic 5 - Hammerstein Ballroom Wed 10/30, Thur 10/31 - Beck, The Flaming Lips - Beacon Theatre Thur 10/31 - Yeah Yeah Yeahs - Irving Plaza Thur 10/31 - Cypress Hill - Roseland Ballroom Thur 10/31 - Tool - Nassau Coliseum Thur 10/31 - The Hellacopters - Bowery Ballroom Thur 10/31 - Medeski, Martin & Wood - Hammerstein Ballroom Fri 11/01 - Sigur Ros - Beacon Theatre Fri 11/01 - Kid Koala - Knitting Factory Fri 11/01 - Ben Kweller - Joe’s Pub Fri 11/01 - Idlewild (7pm show), Moldy Peaches (midnight show) - Irving Plaza Sat 11/02 - Chemical Brothers - Hammerstein Ballroom Sat 11/02 - Bright Eyes, Cursive, Azure Ray - Irving Plaza Mon 11/04 - Me’Shell Ndegeocello - Bowery Ballroom Mon 11/04 - Willie Nelson - Beacon Theatre Tues 11/05 - New Found Glory - Roseland Ballroom Wed 11/06 - Lords of Acid - Irving Plaza Fri 11/08 - Janeane Garofalo - Town Hall

Before you gorge yourself on refined sugar and saturated fat, come to the Medium meeting tonight at 9:30 in LSC 113.

Have a happy, safe Halloween. And try not to look like the pumpkin by Friday.

New Jersey Wed 10/30 - The Push Stars, Imperial Teen - Maxwell’s Wed 10/30 - Tapping The Vein - The Saint Thur 10/31 - Pedro the Lion - Maxwell’s Fri 11/01 - Skid Row - The Stone Pony Fri 11/01 - Pat Metheny Group - Count Basie Theatre Fri 11/01 - Nonpoint, Sunset Black, Entropy - Birch Hill Sat 11/02 - All American Rejects, Dingus - Stingray’s Sat 11/02 - Murphy’s Law - The Stone Pony Sat 11/02 - Arch Enemy, God Forbid - Birch Hill Sun 11/03 - Lou Barlow, Alaska - Maxwell’s Sun 11/03 - New Found Glory, Finch - Convention Hall Fri 11/08 - Gov’t Mule - The State Theatre Fri 11/08 - Fountains of Wayne, OK Go - Tradewinds Fri 11/08 - Gwar, Bloodlet - Birch Hill

Philadelphia Thur 10/31 - Jurassic 5 - The Electric Factory Fri 11/01, Sat 11/02 - Blues Traveler - Theatre of Living Arts Tues 11/06 - New Found Glory - The Electric Factory Thur 11/08 - Les Claypool’s Frog Brigade - The Electric Factory

Submit events to orgykarma@yahoo.com

http://www.themedium.net Because I haven’t grossed you out yet this year.