Issuu

Joyce Chinchilla was sucking and fucking at 121 Jersey Avenue since she was sixteen, well before the warehouse’s industrial tenants left New Brunswick, and before Club 121 opened its doors. And it was amongst the yet-to-be-shipped boxes that Joyce and Marco first exchanged fluids and love…and where I, Jorge the Prophylactic, first tasted hot male seed.

The Entertainment Weekly of Police-Sponsored Prostitution

Wednesday, October 18th, 2000

“Heaven is a Truck.”

Volume XXXII Number 6

UNIVERSITY PRESIDENT FRANCIS L. LAWRENCE

I get my hot sweaty testicles massaged by Detective James Marshall & Co. s two-dollar whores do you?

E NTHUSIASTICALLY

When the spooge hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that s a brothel...er, massage parlor.

S UPPORTS

THE NEW BRUNSWICK POLICE DEPARTMENT Medium-10-18-00.p65

4/3/01, 2:06 AM

For a good time, call 373-7085.

EDITORIALS About The Cover

Wednesday, October 18th, 2000

Jesus and Clown Wig: A match made in heaven!

by Christopher Taylor Last Wednesday, while delivering the issue to Scott Hall, I bumped into Esteban Cortez, an acquaintance from my aspiring-physicist days. Esteban had apparently mimicked my departure from Busch, settling on Art History as a less conceptually rigorous replacement, at the tail end of his BAMM experience. He had evolved, much as I had, from a blossoming scientist into an academic with a flair for bureaucracy, splitting his time equally between the perfunctory teachings of Voorhees’ children and the office of Executive Director of University Community Affairs. The latter time-consumer was a paid position within Old Queens, where, incidentally, the office of University president Dr. Francis L. Lawrence is housed. Esteban spoke with me about an “interaction” he had with Lawrence during the spring of 1998, the transcript of which follows: “I was sitting around in the office, slacking off…[Executive Director] John [Mulligan] was out at the time, and we never really did work without direct supervision…that is, [coworker] Alice and I…when I heard this scream coming from upstairs…it sounded like someone was being stabbed…so, being a bright lad, I went out to investigate…and use the bathroom…as I cleared the landing, the scream came again, closer this time…it sounded as if it was coming from [University President] Fran [Lawrence]’s office…the door was ajar, so I peeked inside…Fran was standing there by himself, muttering something about ‘Club 121’ while his toupee was whimpering…yeah, the motherfucking toupee was crying about how it didn’t like ‘massages’…so I got the fuck out…I wasn’t about to stick around for that kinda shit, man…fucking toupee, man…” After thanking Esteban for the valuable information, I went to the office of our esteemed president to confront him on the issue. As usual, Lawrence refused to see me, having his secretary tell me that he was “in a meeting until…how long will you be here for?” On my way out, a member of the custodial staff slipped me an envelope labeled “Club 121.” Inside was the picture on the cover. I’ve added text-versions of what I would have thought the depicted characters’ thoughts would have been at the time. Enjoy.

The Trouble with Possession in the American Vernacular by Chris DeSarno I'm a social drinker ... and by "social drinker" I mean one who drinks only in social situations or when one wishes he was in social situations so one can call one's self a "social drinker." ... and by that I mean an alcoholic. But isn't alcoholism just another name we give someone who takes advantage of life and all its little pleasures to the fullest? The answer is no. Alcoholism is a disease -- the funnest disease in the world. Much more so than polio. Webster's dictionary defines alcoholism as "The condition of habitual drunkards." That doesn't sound too good. But lets just see what Websters says a definition is ... "an explanation in words." Hmm, that sounds like a very positive definition of "definition." Of course if the definition of definition was "The condition of habitual definers" the fat cats at the dictionary factory would stand to lose millions. And we can't have that, can we? Nice try, Websters. So, in conclusion, I'm drunk right now -- and even though drinking won't make you funny or smart or better looking it will make you drunk. And isn't that what a "social drinker" really is?

“Fart bombs my ass ...” my mom says i’m handsome.

Jesus-fucking-christ! Your face is uglier than your mask. Were you in some kind of accident?!

submit

to desarnoc@eden

THE MEDIUM: Our moms say we’re handsome

Page Page Page Page Page Page

2 3 4 5 6 7

Bitching Moaning Groaning Yelling Thinking Screaming

Page Page Page Page Page

8 9 10 11 12

Cover by: Christopher Taylor

Medium-10-18-00.p65

Beating Drinking Smoking Loving What’s Shakin’

MEDIUM

CONTENTS

THE

The Editorial Staff Editor in Chief Managing Editor Business Manager Opinions Editor News Editor GMG Editor Arts Editor

Christopher Taylor Personals Editors Jay Postelnik Heather Thompson What’s Shakin’ Editor B.C. “Chris” DeSarno Staff Artist Mike “Sharky” Ryan Online Editor Garrett Glick Advertising Manager Amanda Hoffman Senior Editor

Mike Molino Jay Postelnik Michelle Salvaggio James Kohl Mike Molino Amy Groark Garrett Glick

THE MEDIUM is the entertainment weekly of Rutgers University. All articles are the opinions of the authors and are not necessarily shared by THE MEDIUM. Submission and business deadline is Sunday at 12:00 pm. The office of THE MEDIUM is located in the SAC Cubicle N. All correspondence may be addressed to THE MEDIUM SAC Box 78, New Brunswick, N.J. 08903 or emailed to naziphallus@hotmail.com. Our phone number is (732) 373-7085. Namaste means Hello!!@

4/3/01, 2:06 AM

Wednesday, October 18th, 2000

she used her beguiling charms to become the bane of chicken farmers everywhere ... God is Dead? No, God never lived. by Arbey

Don’t be with stupid. Come to a Medium Meeting Wed.9:30pm, Liv Stu Ctr. rm. 111

stupid h i’m wit

OPINIONS

stupid

Never forget ...

People say that god created everything. Well if that's the case, what created god? The answer is fear. Back in the day, religion explained the unknown. People saw snow on the ground and were afraid that they would never be able to grow food again so they made up stories to calm themselves. God became the colossal scapegoat. [Fuck you, punk. -- God] Every problem you had in your day somehow revolved around a God being pissed at you. Now times have progressed enough to explain snow and illnesses, but what keeps most people religious and believing in god is something that can't be answered no matter how hard we try. Death. Nobody knows for sure what happens when we die. What could be a worse threat than an eternity in hell? I didn't even like being sent to my room when I was little, imagine spending the rest of existence in a place that kept you in constant pain and agony. The truth about "life after death" sucks, it's not cool at all, but it's done something great for me, given me the motivation to live. When we die nothing happens, death is the end, there is no explaining it. You breathe your last breath and that is it. Now as bad as that is, some good can be salvaged. LIFE. [the cereal, he means -- Ops. Ed.] Since I first accepted this information I have realized that I won't have any time after I die to make up for the mistakes I made while I was alive. I need to do everything I want to now, and say everything that needs to be said. I'm not telling you to forget your religion. Some people need religion to support them, I'm not trying to change you, instead I'm trying to inspire you to live out your life the way you want. Don't ignore everything your body and mind is telling you just because people who died thousands of years ago thought it was wrong. If you're reading this and thinking that I'm going to hell for writing this, fine, in reality if there is a hell, I was destine for it long before I formulated these thoughts. For the rest of you who are angry with me for stating my opinion just remember that the Greek and Roman mythology you read and pass along as no more than fiction was once a religion. Don't just accept what you were taught, try to think for yourself and devise your own values that you should live your life by because you only get one life, live it right.

Would you like to see “the bone” that I am “bad to”?

When endowed with profound religious feeling, your skin becomes transparent and your blood begins to turn a thin watery hue until the light of the sun streaming in the window passes entirely through you. At last, having evolved into pure spiritual energy, nothing remains of your existence but a small pile of dirty underwear, damp socks, rumpled garments, a driver's license, credit cards and perhaps a small nail clipper. -- Joe Frank

Arg! This keg’s run dry, says I.

King Kong died for your sins.

Medium-10-18-00.p65

submit to desarnoc@eden.rutgers.edu

4/3/01, 2:06 AM

Wednesday, October 18th, 2000 Cross dressing can be habit forming. NEWS Departments Hold Faculty Mixer; Riot Ensues Metallica Gone Soft...So Soft

In recent news it was discovered that Metallica drummer Lars Ulrich is as impotent as a baby monkey. In an interview with Ulrich s urologist this past Tuesday it was disclosed that due to countless factors the drummer is unable to get an erection little less maintain one. Apparently the anatomically insufficient drummer was so small he became envious of his drumsticks girth. After a few operations Lars s babydick was comparable to the size of the average eleven-year-old boy. An unfortunate side effect of the multiple surgeries was the loss of sensitivity and eventually the ability to get an erection. When interviewed Kirk Hammett said, Even though Lars never really could become physically aroused it wasn t a problem. Most of the time during sex he was on his knees if you catch my drift...get it CATCH. Well anyway he was usually happy until he got this bad case of anal warts. Nobody would fuck the guy so he had a lot of pent-up sexual frustration. He was alright for the first few days, but then after he realized he couldn t even jerk-off he lost it.

In his search of the internet to find the most arousing pornography offered he ran across the Napster website. Upon further investigation he discovered his songs were being given to listeners for free. James Hetfield said, He began ranting about free music taking money out of his pocket that he could be buying stockpiles of Viagra with. This intuitive reporter decided to check with Eminem s urologist as well and as I figured his phallus stays as soft as the baby s ass he tries to penetrate. Leaving no stone unturned I looked into the sex lives of Napster supporters. Courtney Love...needed no investigation, and it seems that Fred Durst s red hat is a source of sexual energy. Durst said, The fibers in this hat were woven together by a medicine man while he was receiving a blowjob. It bares tremendous sexual powers and enables me to fuck continuously for 2 weeks without rest. To prevent the shutting down of Napster, many music fans have started raising money for Lars Ulrich. If you would like to contribute please contact SAYSI (So Aroused Yet So Impotent). The funds will be put towards a lifetime supply of Viagra, and if enough money is raised perhaps a magic red had for Ulrich.

“I have shamefully small genitals.”

“So Solly!”

1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 The Biology department and the Department of Theology held a staff mixer last 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 Tuesday in order for their staffs to mingle. Held in the College Avenue Gym, the 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 semi-formal dance had live music and catered food. 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 The evening turned ugly however, when several biologists, engaged in a discus1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 sion of evolutionary theory, turned on intruding theologians. The theologians 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 began roughing up Professor Luis Jenkins, specialist in genetics, when three 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 other biologists stepped in on his behalf. 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 The RU Police were called and arrested six professors, two from the biology 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 department and four from theology. Chief Murphy said, When we got there 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 those bastard priests were really giving it to the little scientists. 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 James McGee, fifth year biology student said this, Professor Jenkins is the 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 nicest man on campus, I can t believe those God lovers would mess with him. 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 Pope John Paul II refused to comment on the incident. 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 President Lawrence though said, I don t understand what they were fighting 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 about. Can t we all just get along? 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 The upcoming faculty mixer between Women s Studies and Athletics has been 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 postponed indefinitely. 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890

123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 In response to the outcry of university groups and leaders of the Asian-American 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 community, local Chinese restauranteur Mr. Wong has issued a formal apology for the 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 offense his recent take-out menu caused. 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 ”Ahhh, me so vely vely solly you no enjoy my frier. Come to my kitchen, I make special 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 wonton soup just for you,” read the press release. 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 Asian-Americans were offended by the items on the menu, which included such exotic 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 dishes as “Moo-Goo Gai Panda.” Many local slanties decried the stereotyped images 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 of Asian-Americans on the Mr. Wong website [www.icebox.com], as well as the 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 depiction of chink, nip, and slope culture. Reactions from local rice-eaters to the 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 apology were consistently negative. 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 ”This is wrong! I still very very offended!” said computer science major Long Wang 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 (BC ’02). “If I ever go to this restaurant, I will give them karate chop!” 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 ”I no like them,” said Sanrio Engineering major Chu Mi (BC ’03). “They sucky-sucky; I 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 no love them long time.” 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 Detective Charlie Chan made a formal response to Mr. Wong’s press release: “Ah, 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 Confucious say, ‘Oversensitive citizens are like fictional character: not have real 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 opinion.’” 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 Despite the controversey, Mr. Wong’s Chinese Restaurant has reported no decrease in 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 business in the past few weeks. The restaurent is located at the corner of Somerset and 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 Hamilton Streets in New Brunswick. 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789

Come to the The Medium meeting on Wednesday at 9:30 in room 111 of the Livingston Student Center. Society has been known to crucify a man merely for begging for a piece of the bubble that is life.

Medium-10-18-00.p65

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4/3/01, 2:06 AM

I need to be taught how to ejaculate properly.

Wednesday, October 18th, 2000

NEWS Quebec Secedes from Canada

Rutgers Student Founds Infant Molesters Club by C. Russell Andre In what many are calling a “triumphant statement of sexual freedom,” Rutgers senior Reginald Funnelschmitz has finally received approval from the RCGA Social and Cultural Affairs Committee to form a club specifically for those who enjoy sexually abusing very young children. The 4 to 1 vote in favor of the club marks the end of a two and a half year battle for Funnelschmitz. During the last several decades, the Rutgers community has witnessed the growing social acceptance of many types of sexual orientations. Thanks to better education and an improved sense of understanding, homosexuals, sado-masochists, donkey fuckers, and other “queers” may finally feel free to practice their sexual lifestyles without fear of prejudice or persecution. Funnelschmitz hopes that his club will allow infant molesters to finally join the ranks of other respectable sexual sub-categories. “This club is all about acceptance,” said Funnelschmitz. “Just because we sexually molest children under 2 years of age doesn’t mean we should be outcast from society. I’ve met with several other infant molesters here at Rutgers, and most of them are very lonely, their friends and family having disowned them because of their alternative lifestyle. I thought to myself, ‘if only there was a school-sponsored way for infant molesters like me to get together with other infant molesters and share our infant molesting experiences. Then we’d know we weren’t alone.’ That’s when I came up with the idea for the club.” When asked if he was aware that molesting infants was illegal, Funnelschmitz replied “Many socially acceptable sexual practices are technically illegal. Many states still consider homosexuality a crime. In fact, some of the more conservative communities maintain statutes that outlaw normal heterosexual activities such as fellatio, masturbation, and pre-marital sex. Just because something is against the law, doesn’t mean it’s wrong.”

1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567 QUEBEC—A separation referendum, sponsored by Premier Lucien Bouchard 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567 and the dominant Parti Quebecois, passed by a narrow margin during an 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567 impromptu vote on Monday, October 2nd. The success of the public referendum 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567 has opened a formal discussion between the Quebec provincial government 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567 and the Canadian federal government in Ottawa. 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567 Political analyst Jacques “Le Fromage” Charest, brother of 1998 Quebec 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567 Liberal Party candidate Jean Charest, has suggested that we might expect the 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567 formation of the sovereign nation of Quebec by spring of 2001, though he hints 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567 that “valuable assets…like Montreal” may not be part of the settlement agree1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567 ment. 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567 Though the turnout was less than expected (fewer than 1% of eligible voters 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567 reportedly visited the polls), Bouchard insists that “the citizenry was told of the 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567 vote,” and that “there is not an underlying political apathy amongst French 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567 speaking persons.” 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567 “Ya, ve were told of ze vote,” commented Zsa Zsa Gabor impersonator 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567 Genevieve Bujold, “on Monday evening, three minutes before the polls 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567 closed…if we happened to be watching MuchMusic.” 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567 Prime Minister Jean Chretien, a Quebec native, mused, “Canada would likely 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567 be unaffected economically and politically by the secession, but it would be a 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567 great loss to our national character. We’ve always had crazy Frenchmen such 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567 as myself to separate us from the Americans. That and the Kids in the Hall.” 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567 Dan Ackroyd, endlessly available for comment, angrily attacked questioning 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567 reporters upon hearing the news, mangling the phrase, “Viva La Radiator! Viva 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567 Quebec! 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567

”

Funnelschmitz stated that Infant Molesters Club meetings would be held at his apartment on Busch.

1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890 by Christopher “The Scoop” Taylor 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890 Hip-hop duo OutKast is tentatively scheduled to play Livingston College on either 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890 October 28th or 29th as part of the national “Rap the Vote” movement, provided Athletic 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890 Director Robert E. Mulcahy cooperates with the sponsoring NJ Voter Coalition and allows 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890 the event to take place in the RAC. The concert, also set to feature the critically ac1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890 claimed barbuda, is part of an effort to encourage America’s youth to dip their feet in the 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890 political realm during this election season. 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890

OutKast To Play Rutgers

“What the infant molesting community of New Brunswick needs is a way to come together and lend support to infant molesters everywhere,” impassioned Funnelschmitz.

The Medium Crossword Puzzle Returns 1

2 4

5 6

19 20 22 24

33 35

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Medium-10-18-00.p65

ACROSS 3. Your chance to do the hump 5. Sexually empowering weekly column in 15 a. 7. Hogan Family aunt with a glass eye 8. Gay vampire? 12. Uncircumcised Yankees catcher 15. The Medium’s sister publication 16. Obviously homosexual Thundercat 17. The campus bus for girls with really big breasts? 18. Popular 1980s movie starring famous American actor Michael Keaton (not Batman) 19. Parking and Transportation’s latest contribution to pointless bus lines 20. The Simpsons character who “wants you to be comfortable while he does his thang.” 24. Makes an interesting garnish 25. If it doesn’t feel good here, it just isn’t good. 26. The funniest character ever to grace the hours between 8:00 and 10:00 PM on Friday night. 28. Language your teacher doesn’t speak, e.g. 30. “Anus fiends are anus _______.” 32. “Beer with a natural flavor of Mexican tequila and other natural flavors.” 33. “________ is good.” 35. The only clove cigarettes endorsed by The Medium’s staff. 38. Kriss Kross, Van Halen hit 39. “Dance _____ Revolution” 41. Gay dinosaur? 43. Middle of nowhere? 44. Funny hat worn by Shriners 45. Short-lived Spring 2000 section of The Medium 46. First (and hopefully Last) Daughter 47. What your dog does to your leg

4/3/01, 2:06 AM

DOWN 1. Worst show on RUTV network 2. Mediocre Grand Funk Railroad drummer 4. Said to induce the tightening of another’s anus 5. What’s green and yellow and eats nuts? 6. The Medium has repeatedly admonished you to not rape this man 9. Desarnoc’s eden password 10. The rape channel 11. The spot that doesn’t exist 13. Obtained by having sex with one’s mother? 14. The drizzle shits 21. Tube that carries urine out of the body 22. Evil TA 23. Late Austrian musical prodigy 27. Hebrew for “tree murderer” 29. Mario or Jennifer 31. Fecal matter swiped across one’s upper lip 33. “My neighbor’s dog has a six inch ________.” 34. Hall and _____ 36. Black Voice/Carta Latina Co-Editor In Chief 37. Pejorative directed at a morbidly obese individual 38. The Personals Editors’ feeble attempt at creating a slang word 40. In some cultures, throwing this at someone is considered a sign of disrespect. 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234 42. Suzanne Summers, e.g. 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234

The answer to number thirteen down is Oedipussy.

GMG

I m in love with a woman....a woman named Bruce.

I’m Behind Frats by Mike Ciriaco

If you enjoy frolicking fags, please peruse through this article. If not, don’t peruse through this article. For alas, it is very gay.

past month, I’ve frequented many a house. Let me say, in spite of my overpowering faggin, these boys have treated me well. Very well. (Mmm! Good Times!) No, seriously, these brothers have treated me with the respect and dignity any human being deserves. (Note to Reader: Dignity and respect are faggotese for fellatio and bare bottomed spankings.) One of my favorite experiences occurred two weeks ago at the house. It was there that I encountered Troy Johnson, an accounting major and severely repressed homosexual. As soon as I saw him, with his strong jaw line and spectacular booty, I knew I had to get behind the curtain of his meat rack. Unfortunately, for some strange reason, Troy seemed uncomfortable by my presence. Perhaps its wrong of me to keep tweaking his nipples in front of all those freshmen hoochies. Nevertheless, after half a dozen screwdrivers and several funnels of piss warm beer, my virile boy stopped referring to me as Fucking Fag and soon led me up the rickety staircase to his Love Den. Neither the myriad posters of Baywatch

I’m not certain as to how fraternities got pigeonholed as avid homophobics, but I would like to take this opportunity to rectify this misconception. I am a sophomore in Mason Gross theater program; therefore, I’m one of the biggest flamers on the face of this god-fearing planet. 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THE MEDIUM POETRY CORNER LOVING YOU

girls nor the rooms overpowering aroma of stale Cheetos seemed to bother my Abercrombie Adonis or me. As soon as Troy cranked up his cherished Best of Aretha Franklin CD, both boy and drama fag were stripped down to their International Male brand bikini briefs and full body massages quickly ensued. In all honesty, I wasn’t at all bothered by I’m not a Queer, I swear poster collection. In fact, it was almost encouraging to see Pamela Anderson-Lee grinning down at my pasty, bare hindquarters as it steadily got Greco-Roman power rammed by my lover’s fleshy meat stick. We continued to get our freak on in this manner for the next three and a half-hours, until Troy exclaimed, WHOS YOUR DADDY, BITCH! and then fell to the floor, exhausted and gay. It was a shame. I was still hankerin for another spankerin la vie. The following morning pretty boy Troy insisted that he was to drunk to remember anything from last night and started his you got ten seconds to get the fuck away before I pound in your cock sucking face routine. I quickly responded, But you’re my boyfriend, and I love you and were going to get married one day as I rigor-

ously rubbed his inner thighs. Soon I was getting stomach punched by every brother before being pushed in front of the enigmatic F-bus. Although this treatment appears harsh to the casual observer, to an American homosexual this behavior is common, and even desired in some circles. That’s why, instead of filing harassment charges, I spent the next weekend riding Troy like the sexually repressed, hairless stallion he is. So what if he used me for my superhuman Hoover mouth action; he can do things with a plastic flashlight handle that would make Richard squeal girlishly. So, what’s the point of this nauseatingly homoerotic anecdote? I’ve learned that integrity is important, but having someone to pump sticky, white love-piss up your shit hole is much more important. Finally, even though they tend to vomit profusely and are borderline retarded, all boys make passionate anal-love partners. When these studs go Greek, they go all the way.

(THIS ARTICLE: TOO FUCKING GAY-gmg)

POLITICAL CARTOON Third World Nations

TIMOTHY

by Stanley Timms

by C.M.D.

I remember the times we would lie in bed, All day in a sea of love, Our hearts as one. Then you would turn around, look me in the eyes and say ever so softly, "Please remove your dick from my ass."

Why Not I?

On dry land or on wet, You always were my pet In the darkest hours I longed for you In the morning sun I yearned for your touch But please tell your Mexican father To stop shaving his rank anus While we make our beautiful love

Justice and The Judge

by Guy Masterson Why me? Why not I? Why bake? Why not fry? I eat fried foods. I am a fatso. Fatty, eat more pork. Fatso, don’t need a fork Spank me in the face Spank me like I was Mickey Rooney I’m an old man An old boy Delicious calzones And a night of humiliating impotence

French For Love

by Pierre H. Amor is French for love. Armour is the wall around your heart. The war for love Is a war I cannot win To molest a boy in the park..... To molest a child named Mark Aroma sweet...bon jour!!

Medium-10-18-00.p65

Wednesday October 18th, 2000

by Daniella Figueroa Speak to me, Silence is a vice of the heart An unborn child cries “Revenge for those” Revenge for those? When we weep we forget Forget? My arms are open, My legs are spread, Don’t ejaculate on my sandals They cost 27 dollars.

POLITICIANS

Foreign Policy

NEXT WEEK IN THE MEDIUM: Find out why this man is so angry. Here’s a hint: he didn’t want a vasectomy!

Eunuch?

What is Poetry?

by Bryan George What is poetry? It is there that fantasy meets reality, Where Man captures that indescribable essence Of nature, and becomes God. Also, my father makes me write some Whenever I fail to rid the bathtub Entirely of the pubic hair I lose when I shower.

Learn the whole truth about Drew Carey’s fetish.....for tight Mexican boy-ass!

WRITE FOR FEATURES: loves boy-ass?

4/3/01, 2:06 AM

send submissions to: gmg42@yahoo.com

Wednesday October 18th, 2000

I m very enthusiastic about motorcycles.

A little Suicide Never Hurt Anyone by Ryan Beckman

FEATURES

RUTGERS: LAND OF THE ORPHANS BY: The Writer’s Block

You know I love Rutgers and I’m probably sure that you love Rutgers too. However, did you ever notice how many losers we have here at Rutgers? I mean we got a whole bunch of people here that were unwanted anywhere else. That’s right, a lot of people here are an unwanted, total jackass. Especially the people who are from NJ. People who are from NJ and then come to Rutgers basically weren’t good enough for Princeton or NYU or BCC!!! Rutgers students are like orphans. You know, like from that movie “Annie”. They’re dirty, loud and they don’t really smell too good. Rutgers is kinda like that big bald rich white guy who took Annie in his home. You know he really just wanted to molest little orphan Annie. Her orange curly hair and her big poor eyes gave the big white guy a big white boner. If the students from NJ that come to Rutgers are like orphans, than what about the Rutgers students that transfers here from other schools and states? Are they hip? No, I’m sorry, they suck too. There’s an old saying by Abe Lincoln that folks here at NJ go by, “If you’re not from NJ, than you’re a fuckin’ communist!!”. Well, at least I think Abe Lincoln said that. Either way he was a good man. He really played a major role in World War II, God Bless Him!!! So if Jersey and non-Jersey students are both sucky, then who is “non-sucky”? Illegal Aliens that’s who!!!!!! Just take a good look at Vampires your foreign professors and TAs. Yeah man, the ones with the broken You wake up and go downstairs for some breakfast. To feed your thirst for blood you suck on last English. I bet you that at least 75% of them were smuggled here to night’s hooker for a little while. You aren’t quite sure what to wear for the day so you decide to go out and Rutgers by General Colin Powell. God Bless Him!!! Well gotta go, I got check what the weather is like. You take one step out of the door into the morning sun and explode. Now to suck this big bald rich white guy’s dick for an A!!!! the dining hall food isn’t great, but I’m assuming it’s better than the taste of a half-dead hooker. Toilet brushes So you wake up and you’re a toilet brush. You are plunged into dirty cold water, and you scrub P.n.: I apologize to orphans, Jersey residents and illegal aliens I didn’t shit. You dry off, you are put back in dirty cold water to scrub shit. This is the patter of your life with the mean any of what I wrote. But to the Canadians, you can all rot in hell!! occasional exception of the foolish hick that mistakes you for a toothbrush. If you are a toilet brush you have no hope, just drown yourself in the murky water. So you want to kill yourself and nobody cares, what do you want me to do about it? I know everyone gets a little depressed occasionally so I’m going to share my secret on cheering up. Look around the room you are sitting in and find two or three people who are more pathetic looking than you are. Now choose the person who seems most pathetic. * Picture them going back to their rooms tonight and being abused by theirroommates. They go to take a shower, drop the soap and get anally raped, but worst of all they forgot to wear their flip-flops so now their feet have to be amputated. The nurse in the hospital happens to be a Rutgers gal, and does more for him than give a Hillbillies, or “sons of the soil” as they like to be called, are widely recognized for their breakthrough contributions in the good sponge bath. Two months later he field of inbreeding. develops a nasty rash. In a few years, he dies. If you feel bad picking out a random person, having them get anally raped, beaten, given every STD known to man only to die painfully, think a day in the life of:

Clowns After a long night of drinking you wake up curled around a circus midget. Hoping it will go away you roll on to your other side only to find that the bearded lady is sleeping with an impure smile on her his. it’s face. You choke the midget to death and throw it in the corner with the rest of his dead friends. You get dressed and put your makeup on which takes longer than a girl getting ready for the prom. Your buddy Ziggy picks you up for the carpool to take you to work and as luck would have it, you are stuck sitting bitch among 64 other clowns in a car the size of a Power Wheels. When you get to work you are almost eaten by a lion. You tell everyone you are going to the bathroom. After sitting on the toilet for a minute you take a gun out of your ridiculously oversized pants and blow your brains through the back of your skull. Hicks You wake up in the barn and try to pull some straw out of your hair. You look around to find that last night’s “woman” ran off while you slept. You walk into your home sweet shack and give your wife a good morning kiss. Your sister then smacks you and tells you not to kiss her again until you’ve brushed your teeth. You walk into the bathroom, take the toilet brush, swish it around in the water and brush your three remaining teeth. Four hours later after watching Nascar you finally put together the events of the previous night to realize that the goat you had sex with was using you. Dimwitted as you are, you decide life is not worth living. Back into the farm you go to hang yourself and hope that god is forgiving. If after reading all this you still want to die watch some Nike commercials. *If you are the most pathetic person in the room feel free to kill yourself now.

Battle for Grease Truck Supremacy by Sandman & Cee-Lo I was coming out of a class, feeling hungry as is usually the case. I walked, and kept walking until the smell hit me -Grease. I made my way to the nearest truck, where I met Rhamesh, and Blagamesh. They treated me as they would treat their best customer by saying, “You..You are my dogg! You can order anything, dogg!” Feeling a mixed sense of disgust and pride, I was about to order, when shouting erupted from behind me. When I turned, I saw the owner of one grease truck, hanging over I hate it when Dennis the counter clutching a cleaver while yelling at the other. Since I speak English, I wasn’t sure what was being said, but the constant waving of ejaculates on my calzone. How dare you, Dennis. How the cleaver told me that he wasn’t a happy camper. As I turned around, dare you! Rhamesh reverted to the ways of his dictatorship land when he yelled, “Don’t look at them! They have bad grease. You want.. MY grease.” Wary of the rifle he probably had below the counter, I ordered a fat cat and walked away. I wondered what made other trucks different from that of Rhamesh and Blagamesh, so the next day I decided to check it out. I ran past their truck without paying attention to the death threats they were yelling. When I was far enough away to have “COME BACK I KILL YOU” sound like a whimper, I met Tarahd and Ratahd. I asked Tarahd what made each truck different, but he grabbed a cleaver, hung over the counter and began yelling. I looked to Ratahd for an answer, but he was too busy downing a bottle of cheap liquor. We may never know why these purveyors of grease threaten to kill each other, but at 5 dollars for a cup of Ratahd’s booze, do we really care? Bottoms up.

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The Enthusiastically Queer Writings of Rick Shafer by Rick Shafer I am excited to wake up today to “Coming Out Day”. I feel it is my obligation to the straight, gay, and academic communities to participate. I always thought I was straight, but then I saw the chalkings on Douglass saying “Think you’re straight? Don’t be so sure.” So I thought it over and decided to be gay. I don’t know exactly how, though. Can anyone offer me advice on how a hermaphrodite can express hisher homosexuality? I already went out and bought a stack of rainbow stickers and Indigo Girls CDs. I figured that was the least I could do. But should I dump my girlfriend and find a nice midget boy? I will if it will help. And what is best for her? Does dating a boygirl make her bisexual? Is that still ok, or does she have to be 100% gay now? It’s kind of depressing: all we want to do is help, but this could wreak havoc on our relationship. Some people say all I really need to do is go find myself another nice boygirl. But would that work? Or would it just make me extrastraight? Besides, the only boygirls

Sometimes I wish a homosexual man would murder me with a chainsaw.

I know are Siamese twins joined at the tits. They were going to try to come out today too, but they’re busy fucking. Plus one of them is pregnant now, so they figured it was best to stay straight so they can raise their new child in a normal environment. Does anyone know what to do? I only want to help. Please don’t let the gay community continue to reject me.

Next week in The Medium:

Men who are shocked and humiliated....by their own fecal matter!!

4/3/01, 2:06 AM

ARTS

“I’m a cowboy, on a steel horse I ride”

The Sleepfucker: Double-take by Candy

It had been another long night at work, and I was meeting Michelle for coffee at one of the least pretentious coffeehouses in the area. I’d been feeling run down due to midterms and I think Michelle was too, because she was not her chipper self. She sat slouched at the table, choreographing miniature wars on her chessboard. “Sorry I’m late,” I said, “what’s wrong? Failed that calc midterm?” “No, Candy, I’m just tired, I had a long night last night,” she mumbled into her cup of herbal tea. “A long, long night, twice as long as usual.” Mischief crept into her voice. “I had a lot of school work to catch up on.” Ohh, she must’ve been out sleepfucking again. “Working on that group project for Human Sexuality?” I could see her eyes glowing with glee as she tormented me. “You could say that, but I think we also got some work done in Genetic Engineering,” Michelle said mysteriously. I gave her a puzzled look, which encouraged her to continue… “Well, the dream began mildly enough. Dave took me out to a really superb restaurant. I could tell it was going to be a special night because Dave kept hinting about some surprise for me. After dinner, we went for a long drive in the autumn night to a secluded cabin by a lake. He led me inside and it was sensuously decorated. There were bearskin rugs on the floor, candles everywhere, and a roaring fire in the fireplace. He poured some wine and we cuddled before the fire. He unbuttoned my blouse and slid it off my shoulders. He began gently caressing my neck and shoulders, kissing my face with his soft lips. The cabin was warm; the orange light glinted in his blue eyes, and cast dramatic shadows over his face. He was almost unrecognizable in this trembling light. I lay down on the furs as he slid off my remaining clothing. I stretched in eager anticipation of his loving caresses. He knelt beside me and loosely slid a blindfold over my eyes. “Now it’s time for your surprise,” he whispered. I felt his body shift and move over me. His hands smoothed over my thighs and went around under my ass. As he began to kiss my stomach, my thighs, and my Venus mound, I felt a second pair of hands stroking my hair. Another guy, there’s another naked guy here! I got so wet just from realizing this was Dave’s surprise. The hands moved down over my face and under my shoulders, lifting me up slightly. Strong, masculine legs cradled me as the powerful hands began massaging my neck and back. Dave worked his way around my warming labia with his fingers and tongue, gently probing his way inside me. I could feel the heartbeat of the man behind me grow faster as Dave made me squirm with pleasure. I wondered who he could be. Dave began licking and flicking my clit faster and faster. I stroked my fingers through his hair. The man behind me ran his hands down my arms and guided them away from Dave, stretching them over my head. He ran his hands down my sides and over my breasts, pulling me nearer to him. I could feel his cock growing harder against my lower back. Dave drew away from me and said, “Turn around.” I sat up and turned around, Dave slipped the blindfold off. And there he was in front of me! I looked at Dave and at the new guy, who looked just like Dave! Everything was exactly the same, it was as if… “Well, do you like him? He’s just like me, an exact clone,” Dave whispered behind me. The new Dave smiled and leaned forward, looking for my approval. I couldn’t believe he had gone to such great lengths to satisfy my fantasy of making love to two men at the same time. The new Dave crawled over to me and began kissing me. He even French kissed like Dave! I rose up on my knees and wrapped my arms around him as Dave looked on. Dave stroked my back with his big strong hands, slid his hands over my ass, and slipped his fingers into my dripping wet pussy. I slid backwards onto his hard cock, taking his length deep inside me. New Dave massaged my breasts as I gripped his cock in my hands. I began to lick it up and down like a quickly melting popsicle, flicking shivers throughout his body. He buried his hands in my hair and held on as I licked and sucked his cock into ecstasy. Dave watched me blow his new friend and began moaning louder, his cock throbbing inside me. I could feel my muscles tighten as I got closer to orgasm. New Dave went first, spurting his love juice across my face and chest. I let out a deep moan as the orgasm passed through me with pulsating fury. Dave plunged deep inside me one final time as he came, causing a wave of aftershock orgasm to send me shivering to the floor. The three of us cuddled in post-coital bliss beside the fire, naked and happy.” “When I opened my eyes, I found myself at Dave’s between him and his best friend Derrick. They always had such uncanny resemblance and such close friendship, but I never would have guessed how close.” “So I guess Dave has accepted the sleep thing with other guys?” I asked. “I guess, but we are all getting together again soon to see if it’s even better when we’re all awake. Dave has decided to be my chaperone on these escapades, so I guess it will be even longer before I end up in your bed, Candy.” She flashed me a smile and a wink, and began setting up the chess game so she could continue toying with me.

Submit articles to hardcandy@wildmail.com Footsex!

Medium meeting tonite! 9:30 pm Livingston Student Center Buttsex!

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4/3/01, 2:06 AM

123456789012345678901234567890 123456789012345678901234567890 123456789012345678901234567890 Hetero Qorner 123456789012345678901234567890 123456789012345678901234567890 Frustration 123456789012345678901234567890 Or 123456789012345678901234567890 123456789012345678901234567890 The Heartache of a Bad Blow Job 123456789012345678901234567890 123456789012345678901234567890 by John Minus 123456789012345678901234567890 There is nothing more frustrating than a bad blow job. But you say, “is there such a thing as a bad blow job?” Any guy who has gotten one can attest to the fact that yes, there are girls out there who can’t give head to save their lives. Thank goodness I’ve never met any girls like that. Never take a blow job for granted boys. There are girls out there who’ll scrape your shit up like a cheese grater. Here’s some advice ladies: One girl I knew put it like this. “When you suck a guy’s dick it’s supposed to be like their dick is in your pussy” Got that? Tight and hot. Not loose, and for God’s sake no teeth. <sigh> Well, girls please, and I cannot stress this enough, PLEASE read and take note of what I put here. It is guaranteed to keep you a man someday. No matter how butt ugly you are, you give good brain and your man will think twice about dumping your ugly ass. The following fellatio techniques are adapted from the Kama Sutra: Licking The Penis: Start by licking his penis as if it were an ice cream cone. Hold its base with one hand and repeatedly lick upward alternating the side of the penis you lick. The Butterfly Flick: Flick your tongue lightly along the ridge on the underside of his penis. You may need to hold the penis at the base while you learn to do this. The Nominal Congress: Take his penis in your hand. Place it between your lips and move it around in your mouth. Biting The Sides: Cover the end of the penis with your fingertips. Then kiss and gently nibble the sides (very gently). Pressing Inside: Take his penis into your mouth. Press it with your lips and then take it out. Pressing outside: Press your lips against the end of his penis and kiss it as if drawing it out. Rubbing: After kissing his penis lick it all over and pass your tongue over its end. Kissing Hold his penis in your hand and kiss it as though you were kissing his lower lip. Sucking a Mango Fruit: Take his penis half way into your mouth. Suck on it vigorously. Swallowing Up: Take the whole length of the penis into your mouth as if trying to swallow it. Now, I heard of a way you girls can practice. Get a banana and put whipped cream all over it. Proceed to remove all of the whipped cream from the banana without getting any teeth marks on it and definitely without breaking it. Once you get good at that you can move on to peanut butter. That’s for pro’s only though because it’s much harder to get off. Once you get to that level though, trust me, you could steal anybody’s man. I’m available weeknights and weekends for tutoring. WOMEN ONLY! Read more of John Minus at:

www.angelfire.com/anime/CaptainHetero22/index.html

Wednesday, October 18th, 2000 To the bitch on Campbell One: First of all, you better stop talkin' shit about your roommate publicly at floor meetings just because you're too damn uptight to leave your stankin' ass room and your thumbsucking monkey that you stick up your cunt at night when you're alone. Second, your room fuckin' smells like ass-so you had better wash your Hungarian-jizzy-sheets and your nasty fucking shoes that you air out in our damn hallway. Third, nobody cares about when you get in from fucking crew practice, how long you studied, when you're going to mass, or when you're acting like the fucking snob that you are when you tell us about racing Daddy's car. So get that fucking stick out of your scrawny ass, and stop being the feminist bitch that you are!! And sorry, we can't serve you all your fuckin' cosmopolitans that you're used to at home, you fuckin crack-whore.

It only hurts with my mouth open.

To the Mattia 1 boys - Tristan, Kieran, Pat, Marcel, and Aaron..YOU'RE SO FUCKING HOT!!! Everytime we see you, we want to pin you down and ride you!! We want to fuck all of you at the same time, until your cocks shrivel up and your balls hang loose!!! We'll suck you and fuck you till you can't take it anymore =) Love always.. [to be continued next week] To tall blond and beautiful Chris at Nicholas, the Lippincott girls are all getting we for you..come show us a piece of that sexy body!!! The lil Italian girl especially..we pray to her shrine of you every night!! Come find us, we'll be waiting outside!!!

To all you Indian Bitches out there, would you CHILL with the Indian techno music that you choose to blast @ all hours of the day and night?! To all the Britney Patels out there, shut the fuck up with your Indian Alex in geometry T/TH 8. channel while eating your froYoure such a fucking idiot. You zen curry. Shove it up your should have learned some Lin- dirty cunts!! DAMMIT YOU ear Algebra before you took SMELL!!! All of you!! the class. Stop asking Vladimir stupid fucking questions. You To my Jesusfreak of a roomshould drop the class or just mate at Lippincoot: No one shut the fuck up and let Vladimir likes you, and we all hate lecture. To all the other Jesus!!! Stop trying to convert dumbasses in my math classes us all!! We don't want to pray that have no fucking clue what with you, and we certainly don't the hell is going in lecture but want you to pray for us!!!! can always point out when the Take down the evil cross beProff makes an error with a fore I tear it down!! Just cause minus sign, you keep your you're gonna be a nun doesn't fucking mouths shut. Prudence, mean we have to be nice to you!!! I'll pray to SATAN for I think you're beautiful you!!! P.S.- Tell yo mama to To the Mattia 1 boys - Tristan, stop prayin for me as Kieran, Pat, Marcel, and well!!!!!!!!!! Aaron..YOU'RE SO FUCKING HOT!!! Everytime we see you, we want to pin you down and ride you!! We want to fuck all of you at the same time, until your cocks shrivel up and your balls hang loose!!! We'll suck you and fuck you till you can't take it anymore =) Love always.. [to be continued next week]

when lunch did not exist, who stood up to the injustice of lacking a meal between breakfast and dinner? too late the answer is already on t.v. and you’ll have to tune in tomorrow cause today is done and yesterday ain’t here yet! so pack your bags and say goodbye....

I had this dream where I'm stuck inside a square root, and (That was in response to the I can't get out, cause I'm not a personal asking if vegans perfect square--Wolmer V. (paraphrased) swallow cum). YEEEEEEEEEES!! yummy..

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To the possexibly most spankalicious boy with the red bookbag who rides the LX: I aspire to surmount your inpenetrable fortress of desire. Seek the new aFROdesiac.

To those Hindus who feel that caucasians are inferior: if you want us to believe you, stage a rally on Brower and prove it. We all know you're assholes and deserve to be sterilized 'cuz you breed like rabbits, but your To that goofy fat bastard assertions are fallacious and for named Jeff in my maps class making them you should be TTh 5...Stop staring at Prof. annihilated. BTW, your lanHordon as if he was your guage sounds like dyslexic refucking homoerotic dinner-- tards conversing. you drooling pussy! Everyone knows that you want to pound I'm offering a bounty for the him from behind but I heard skulls of any/all of those from that cute blonde in maps asshole Hindus who wrote that class that you REALLY want caucasians are inferior. You to rim the shit outta that spazz must present me their skull and in the front row...you only wish prove they wrote the ad. You he could take you on Route 78 have my blessing to hunt these or I-80...Vroom condenscending fuckers down Vroooommmm.... like the squirrels they are. Whites RULE!!! I saw you at the National Coming Out Day Rally on Brower (I think I saw you at the NaCommons, the night of Octotional Coming Out Day Rally ber 11th. You were this cute at Brower. Weren’t you the guy with spikey hair, wearing a one who was rejected bedark turtlenick sweater, khaki cause you thought it meant cargo pants and an orange coming out of the jerk backpack. You spent most of closet? It must’ve been quite the night hanging out with this shameful learning that the other guy, taller than you, festivities were for homowearing khakis and an orange sexuals and notfor idiotshirt, with a navy jacket. I was jerks who are stupid and hidthere in cargo pants and a grey eously deformed?) sweater, tall guy with short hair. Thought we made some eye contact during the night. I left To Dave in Friday's period 1 after the performance. If you microeconomics recitation. I remember me and are inter- hope that you have read our letested in talking, email me at ter to you in the Medium two weeks ago and will have an AAGG27@hotmial.com. opportunity to respond shortly. Dipping sauce for me? No In the mean time I would like thanks I don’t do gymnastics. to clarify how much your father is an ass licking faggot. Beleive me though. Why don't you write back to To that little asian pussy in us in next week's paper and tell Perry 301. You are so fuckin us just how much of an anal gay! Your were such a fag fuck toy you are. Why don't about your anckle. How did u you lick your dad's asshole until injure it? fuckin little boys?You he cums on your sister's hidneed to get some ballz you eous horse-face. -Your friends fuckin vagina ... and hit the gym in the BMW too!!! (Is being a weak, helpless Holy, hot piping loads of bitch part of the criteria for manjuice in my right eye! I cant owning a BMW? Do they believe that they allow testicles only sell those cars to bitches on the corner smoking street of the stankiest variety?) smack for a mere buck fifty. Weighing in at over two hun- Oh Santa, won’t you blow a dred dollars I present to you big load in my face. Won’t you dam pushing. A morroccan call me Bridget? Won’t you be mirage on a cool summer’s my neighbor and spuge in my morning. dancing all the way left eye? Why don’t you come through. to my neighborhood anymore?

4/3/01, 2:06 AM

PERSONALS ATTENTION!!! ANY HOT AND SEXY GIRLS WANNA HIT IT OFF, I'M YOU MAN. I'M OFFERING $10 TO ANY GIRL WHO WANTS TO HAVE FUN WITH ME!! EMAIL ME FOR MORE INFO AT flip6789@yahoo.com The Hobbit Squadron rules. No one can tear down our fort. No girls are allowed especially joe and eric (and all other cocksmoking jew boys) they have koodies. Anyone attempting to stop our Secession will die like those damn yankees did. Pissing people off is fun. Grunt and yelp at people. People suck. (What you talking about honkey?) To that cow who laid a smelley ass fart into the window of my Newellaaprtment: F.U.!!! Damn, that fart sure smelled skunky. You brought a new meaning to the term S.B.D. Now my roommates and I have to deoderize all the carpets. What the hell are they feeding you over there? Next time take some bean-o before you decide to come near. To my stupid ass ex: I know you see me when I walk by. I hope you are enjoying your stupid ass, hairy mother fucking boyfriend. I cant wait till your flabby, saggy tits hit the ground you ass munching, cock sucking, stupid dirty french whore.

HELP WANTED DANCERS/ESCORTS WANTED for Entertainment Company. Call 732-213-7401. Serious Inquiries Only. PHOTOGRAPHER WANTED for Entertainment Weekly. Call 732373-7085. Experience preferred. ACTORS NEEDED for Sans Pantalones: A Television Production Company. Contact ihaterutgers@yahoo.com.

PERSONALS To my HOT ASS boyfriend: I sit in class all day thinking about how much I want to suck on your thick, juicy, meaty cock. I love it when you slide my thong over to one side when I bend over in front of you. I just want you to start slamming your dick inside my pussy. Please aim as much of your cum inside my mouth tonight so I can swallow it all...yummy. Your naughty little spanish bitch Swimstud-You are such a delusional little fuck. I have seen enough of your "titanic" dick to know it's sinking, baby. And as for the claim that Tiff and I get more women than you, well, that's just a sad commentary on your nonexistent sex life. With women, that is. I'm sure that gay little earring and swishy Speedo-ass gets you more men than me and Tiff combined. And don't knock us before you try us, we could set you straight yet-Cassi

Do you have any bulletproof condoms? To the sexxxxiest indian guy who lives by the greasetrucks...JAMES...i love you...i want to lose my analvirginity to you...i want to fuck you silly...i'mdoing the deed so i could bleed baby...tie me up withthe your mundu and spank me till i scream inmalayalam...i can't wait till your 8 inches are ineveryone of my orfices...Reply soon...i'll be soakingin my red lacy thong...BOOTY all the way. A warning to all first-year students: do not EVER mention the "RU Screw" in public. The last frosh to do so was discovered hanging upside down in the bathroom with his head in the toilet. Witnesses say that Fran L. was later found to have "visited" this student at the time of the incident.

Everybody wants to the rule. Well, why can’t Mohhammed? He’s a great guy. I’ve seen him at some parties. Drinking, Muslims are stinking ass smoking, dancing. He was motherfuckers...ya'll smellyour smoothe with the groove, and women are men! and your men a hit with every chick. Whatare pussywhipped-mothre eat- ever the case may be, he ing, father humping, grandma sucked some hard MANridingpieces of shit...take the COCK. Hey why aren’t my hijaj off and what do youhave pants on fire? -AK 47's all you do is bomb places and -cut thetree split the Hey this letter goes out to a few stump what do you get a paki's of the people in my sociology cunt!!we kicked your ass out class on mondays at 11:30 in of INDIA and we'll kick Loree. OK, first, to that stuyourass out of hea too! JAI pid as T.A. Heffe you are the HIND stupidest person alive, and you look like a troll. To that girl this is to the hottest junior at that walks around like she is Livingstoncollege-MICHEAL hot, I got news for ya, your like HASAN. I wanna lick, lick, thin and gangily, and you kinda lick youfrom you your head to gross me out. Finally, to that your toes...i want you to loud ass fat fuck with the fuckme till i can't see, walk, talk glasses, you really deserve to or thinkstraight...everytime i be analy raped by satan. think of you i touch myself..iwant your huge masTo that fat and ugly hispanic sive half indian shlong in me and bitch in my nature of politics iwant to give you a deep throat class. Shut the fuck up you are massage i hope you likebanging not smart. The class hates you. Indian girls-reply in the Medium PLEASE!! If anal butt sex is logically Baby let me see that wang. equivalent to the fork removal That wang, wang, wang, wang, o fthe diameter of my eye, than wang. That wang. Tony! That the Medium is not funny when wang, wang wang, wang, it has those mathematics jokes. wang. Oh Tony! That Wang!

To Scott and Alex you are gay Titty fucking, genital grinder, and I’m going to have sex with brutal breasts, vaginal vaginals. both of you at the same time.

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Wednesday, October 18th, 2000

Abbot White: A Perspective on Constantly Having a Penis Lodged In My Throat or Please Punch Me in the Face by Abbot Bridget White Yo , Editor I gotta give it to you. For once you actually decided to be a man and accept your defeat. I'm proud of you. Proud of you for realizing that there is absolutely no way in hell you could ever beat me. Abbott White is invicable, bitch. You know you didn't rap back because you knew you lost. You lost hands down. But don't let that discourage you, pussy. Nobody can beat Abbott White. It just took you longer than most people to figure that out. And that rap that your boy did for you, what the fuck was that shit. My fuckin' left nut could write better shit than that. Maybe now you and the PTC can go lick each other's Abbot White pictured at a Roman-style man-orgy awaiting a second helping pussies since you're done rapping. So of penile throat lodgings. how did it feel when you came to the realization that I'm 100 times better than you? I'm sure it was tough for you. Probably like when you came to the realization that you were gay only much worse. Why are you gat by the way? Is it just because you can't get women or do you just like the dick? Anyway, son. I wish you could've at least given me some competition. I mean I didn't even put any effort into my rhymes(which you should be grateful for). And yes the rumors are true, I am fucking your sister and have just started with your mom. I'm in that mother-daughter threeway that your sister told you "her friend" was doing. Now don't go and fight your sister over me because I ain't gay and you can't have me. I still can't believe that you tried to battle Abbott White. See, I'm mythical, that's something you'll never be. Your little medium shit ain't gonna get you nowhere. But in all seriousness, how does it feel to lose? Who is hurting more right now, you or the PTC? People aren't putting you faggots down because you lost to me, everybody does-I'm Abbott White. Their putting you down because you are fucking faggots that write a gaypublication and have an even gayer name. PTC? Try being original, bitches. Abbott White and Lazarus stay on top because we got all the talent, skills, and bitches there are. Boroughs Collide will reign supreme forever, believe me. So now go back to lickin' PTC's pussy.

(I did not read this at all. The only reason this kid s shit got printed because there was a lack of personals sent to us this issue. So please help the war on stupidity and send us more personals so that shit like this can be deleted like it should).

Freestyle Rap

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4/3/01, 2:06 AM

Wednesday, October 18th, 2000

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PERSONALS

Love at the Polls?

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jsp51@eden.rutgers.edu This is the way to the Review Meeting! I am so excited. Perhaps this fine young lady is also going to the Review Meeting! I hope that I can engage in sexual intercourse with her after the meeting.

Wow, the losers at the Review Meeting are so unattractive. They are all so hideously ugly. IÂ’m tired of all those disgusting guys trying to hit on me for sex. At least this guy doesnÂ’t seem as horribly deformed as the others. Perhaps I will fuck his brains out later.

Other publication meetings letting you down? Hoping to find sex and only finding ugly jerks? Want to drink herpes soda? Make the smart decision and come to a Medium Meeting. Such glorious events occur Wednesdays at 9:30 PM at the Livingston Student Center in room 111. Medium-10-18-00.p65

4/3/01, 2:06 AM

What s Shakin

Wednesday, October 18th, 2000

He likes it!! Well, I can t think of anything creative to bitch about, but I will say this. Do not mix beer and wine! It will make you very sick for a long time. You will be very tired and produce a shitty medium page. Keep the events flowing. It is free advertising after all. Send goat, sheep, and zebra porn to stubby103@hotmail.com

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