EDITORIALS
“Happy Birthday Justin”
Wednesday, October 2nd, 2002
About the Cover: While it is well known that the President has his mind on other things than government, it has been consistently underreported that he also harbors a deep resentment toward the morbidly obese. Now, it’s not like he would act on it, but it’s been clear to White House insiders for some time now. Ever since his 1967 shooting of Santa Claus, “W.” as he’s become popularly known, has been known for killing the grotesquely fat, and allowing his parents to cover it up for him. The reason behind this? Oil. George W. Bush loves oil. And any Texas oilman would be able to tell you, theres no better place to find oil than the folds of a fat man’s ass. Naturally occurring as a defense mechanism against disease, cannon fire, and water, the oil is easily mined, whether through drilling, mining, or sucking it in through a straw. So what you have there is political commentary. Well political commentary and scientific commentary. And.... its funny too. Hey! Look at the picture underneath this! It’s some image I stole of the Internet! Stealing is awesome! Property rights are only a tool of capitalists, in order to get us all barcoded for their globe-conquering schemes! Fuck globalization! Fuck your mom, fuck you! Fuck everything! Warm Regards,
Humor is dead. At least at Rutgers, it is.
Martin Babitz Editor in Chief, The Medium
Dr. Romeo began her research at her clinical facilities in East Brunswick in the fall of 1996, and quickly attracted the interest of fellow clinician Dr. Benjamin Schachtman, a child psychiatrist. Together the pioneered a complete revolution in the field of pyschology. They immediately felt A Revolution in the the raminifactions of their work. World of Psychiatric Like a punch in the face. Patient Care Punch In The Face Therapy, based in equal parts on Dr. Romeo’s groundbreaking 1997 thesis research and the Taiwanese metaphysical discipline of Pun-Chai-Mee. Patients are brought in to a quiet room, soothed with It has been a long time since the gentle music, and asked to relate their problem in plain, layman’s language. world has seen a truly meaningful Then, Dr. Romeo and Dr. Schachtman savagely pummel them. Many critics medical breakthrough. The onward are quick to ask, does it work? march of technology has led to (Above) Dr. Romeo and Dr. Schachtman at Like a punch in the face. incremental steps against the major their East Brunswick R&D Labratory. The In a phone interview, Dr. Romeo discussed the efficacy of P.I.T.F.T. diseases and ailments, but its been birthplace of Punch In The Face Therapy “Most disorders have a very slow response curve to therapy, but our results trial and error, test and retest, all in continues to be the home of their research and have been very quick. After four or five doses, many patients are already patient care facilities. due time. The true leap forward of showing progress. Some patients have even spontaneously regained the Penicillin, the vaccine, or in the field of psychology the paradigm shifting work majority of their pre-diagnosis cognitive ability and are behaviorally normal.” of Pavlov. Critics may say that these are the highlights, used to block out the less sucPsychiatry has dilapidated into the rotting dinosaur carcass of Frued’s cessful patient interactions. flawed paternalistic talk therapy. What isn’t hopelessly antiquated, is needDr. Schachtman had this to say to them, “Our most difficult patient so lessly prosaic. Speaking of which, I exclude the practice of pharmacological far, an OCD masturbator with fetishist masochistic tendencies required nearly therapy, because it is so unscientific. There are good, effective drugs, but they 400 doses before he showed improvement. That seems like a lot, but its are too often used as short-cuts, over prescribed with an under appreciation of nothing compared to the thousands and thousands of Paxil or Zoloft doses a their extreme potency. Too many good people have paid the price for similar patient would have to take. Far and away (Tom Cruise’s most underindiscriminant doctors. This was the decided opinion of Dr. Megan Romeo, a rated film - Ed.) we are the best thing out there. pediatric surgeon who watched one to many children decimated by the overReal doctors were not available for comment at press time. load of Ritalin, Paxil, Zoloft and prescription Crack.
P.I.T.F.T.
Retractions, Apologies, Etc. - Last Week’s opinion authored by “Karl ‘Hungus’ Marx” was not the same author as sometimes Medium contributor Carl Hungus. Also, the opinion concerning Israel, and swinging from brown nuts, was written by a fictional Rutgers student, the Hillel can stop trying to track him down now.
Bobby McGee, bartender supreme, once quoth: “I’ve had a great life,but I’d trade it all for just a little more... ..now was that four, or five shots of Jager?” Fucking A, Mr. McGee, Fucking A.
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Cover by: Martin Babitz
Wonders For The Editor Of What’s Shaking
THE
MEDIUM
CONTENTS
fnord
Editor-in-Chief Managing Editor Business Manager Opinions Editor News Editor GMG Editor Arts Editor Faculty Advisor
Martin Babitz Mike Ryan The Big Stain Narcboy Carol Hu Ryan Beckman Aija McKenzie Jeff Buechner
Personals Editors Photography Editor What’s Shakin’ Editor Online Editor Advertising Manager Staff Artist Senior Editor
A. Midget Robot MC Gregarious G Liz Finelli Amy Groark Mike Wyzard Mike Stanely Kinky McLibit Amy Groark
THE MEDIUM is the entertainment weekly of Rutgers University. All articles are the opinions of the authors and are not necessarily shared by THE MEDIUM. Submission and business deadline is Sunday at 12:00 pm. THE MEDIUM is located in the SAC Cubicle N. All correspondence may be addressed to THE MEDIUM SAC Box 78, New Brunswick, N.J. 08903 or emailed to prometus@hotmail.com. You fucking fools! I switched your toothpaste with my asscream!
Wednesday, October 2nd, 2002
OPINIONS OPINIONS
“The fruit of my loins? MY LOINS? That’s Apple Cider!”
no one had felt it necessary to tell me I was hanging out with someone whom would not even be legal mating material in Uganda. Fucking Uganda, they TM make me so fucking mad. But I digress. The point was, after you and your Grendel of a son got done shoving everyone in the house, you had the nerve to call the cops. This, of course, is “Saying the things to incredibly, spreadably, where the Explicit Cracker made his serendipitous except through the window inedibly ignorant for the average man to say.” and out South Jersey. When I was safely out of jurisdiction, I slept off my hangover in a dinner parking lot. The point is though, as much as I hate the label of ‘white trash’, there This week’s installment: E.C. Writes an Open Letter are times when I am left with precious little recourse except to dole out the verbal beatings. There’s no excuse for spending thousands of dollars on Dear Bad Mother, pimpnig out a Dodge Neon. There’s no excuse for embracing ignorance even as it drags your children down into the mire. There’s no fucking excuse at all This weekend I went to a party in South Jersey. I was visiting with a for mullets. There is no excuse for procreating if you can’t handle it. I should good friend I had not seen in many years. He was feeling down, and I was never be my job to take your fifteen year old daughter home because you left feeling low, so we bought some beer and figured we’d make the best of it. her drunk at my party and she’s trying to have sex with someone twice her When life has you by the gonads, its best to just deal with it. age. Nighttime passed, we played drinking games, truth or dare, I ended up You are white trash. racing down the street and back naked. It was the kind of night that felt exactly Fuck you. like high school. It was pointless, it was juvenile, it was against the law at times, we even had to sneak my friend out of his house on false pretenses. I Sincerely, had a good time. Then, at six a.m. a slovenly overweight woman in sweatpants reaking The Explicit Cracker of Mike’s Hard Lemonade and ass-sweat. You starting screaming, “my daughter is drunk on the floor, she’s throwing up like a smack addict, what did you do!” You, as memory served me, were the same woman who was P.S. - My Camaro is could beat your Camaro senseless. chuggalugging our Jack Daniels Wild Berry Punch with her 15 year old daughter the previous evening. Of course, I wasn’t paying attention at the time, and
Explicit Cracker
Opinions Deathmatch! Real Opinions Fight to the Death!
I Worship My Jeep Liberty
Unedited!
By Benny Profane
Unbelievable!
There are only two things that I worship in this world. One is the burning hot sensation I like to refer to as the asian invasion. I love Asians, and I will do nothing but have sex with my cantelope that I made into a Vagina without ever cleaning it or even pouring my secretions onto the floor, until I have achieved at least second base standing with an Asian, preferably but not necessarily a woman. The second thing that I worship is my Jeep Liberty. I love the way it looks like Ghostrider’s skull when it drives up from behind you. I love it. I wax my Jeep Liberty every day. Recently, I was in a tragic car accident, some fucking bastard drove into my cherisable and chershed Jeep Liberty with a Ford Probe, but I jumped out of my car and put my nuts on him. I just rested them gently on his eyelids while he ate out my dark, dank crevices. Later that week, I got ran off the road by someone in a Hummer. I think this goes to show that all SUV drivers are not assholes, because he was mean to me. Logially it is impossible that th e Jeep Liberty is not the best vehicle ever made, in the entire history of humanity. Sometimes, when I go down on my girl friend, I pretend I am licking the hood of my Jeep Liberty and masturbate into my cantelop. Can you blaim me?
Unnecessary!
An Untitled Diatribe ByBeezer
VS
Unintelligible!
NEXT WEEK: Unresistable!
I write this today mostly in strife, last night, I read an article about the new Hummer (and I mean the truck). This truck, well known as a rugged outdoor vehicle and army killing machine, used to run over fuckin Taliban and crush skulls of the French is now tailored to fit the needs and expectations of the rich fucks chewing on the cigar. This is complete bullshit. These fucking pussies do nothing with these trucks that require them to own em, let alone have them changed so they will buy them. Other for the occasional towing around of the bodies and in car porno. This goes the same for those fucking Luxury SUV’s. Surly if you own or intend on owning one of these, you should be slapped on sight. These trucks, which by the specs are very large cars, are neither worth the price nor the ability to decline a trucks reputation. In this category falls any truck or SUV made by a company such as BMW, Merchandise, Saturn, Cadillac, Oldsmobile and the list continues. I say, for contributing to the pussification of the American people, they should be shot, the buyers smacked, the trucks taken, crushed, melted, and made into large steal dildos. Or for the papers sake, steal vagina’s…
THE WINNER SPEAKS! Unsanitizable! PROFESSORS COMPETE! OBJECTIONABLE PORN!
Wanna get it on with your intellectual peer? Soil the minds of students with the hot feces of your mind! Send your entries to collegeben@hotmail.com!!!
News News
“I hear the girls here are infested”
Wednesday, October 2nd, 2002
Man Challenges Pair to Game of Two-on-One Foosball, Embarrasses Self by roger taylor, man gone soft STAFFWRITER
In a sorry display of attempted manhood, local jackass Kevin Zaireeka made a fool of himself yesterday when he challenged two players to a game of two on one foosball and lost miserably, with an end score of 10-2. “Dude, those guys were hustlers,” the idiot said in his own defense. “When I saw them playing earlier they weren’t good, but when I fought them they turned up the dial by, like, ten.” Most witnesses negated Zaireeka’s defense as a feeble lie to protect his shattered ego. “I don’t know what that guy was thinking,” one foosball fan said. “He really wasn’t very good. Definitely not good enough to take on two people.” Most players and fans have agreed that the next time they see Zaireeka they will stop whatever they are doing, point at him, and laugh. A taunting chant has not yet been decided upon.
which one do you prefer?
High risk for catching diseases at RU by carol hu NEWS EDITOR
From extensive research and statistics provided by the university health centers, new reports state that the percentage of STI’s at Rutgers have reached an all time high. Studies have shown that the female percentage is carrying a large portion of the infections. Next time you are wasted at a frat party or bar, think before you hook up with that not-so-hot chick and go for the ‘real hot’ chick, since you have an 89% chance of getting an STI, might as well do it with an above average female. Our opinion is to bring the female STI percentages down. Here are some suggestions on what you can do to help Rutgers clean up: 1. Become a priest and devote yourself to God. 2. Become very talented at playing solo. 3. Gain Mucho flexibility. 4. Date outside of Rutgers. 5. Get them young and pre-pubesant. 6. Stay away from Asians. 7. Try Harder to stay away from Asians. 8. Declare yourself gay to raise the male STI ratio. 9. work for the Medium. 10. Invest in condoms and duck sauce.
ASIAN GIRLS ARE OVERRATED by james cortina STAFF WRITER
Frequent readers of The Medium will know that there has recently been a great hubbub over the desirability of Asian women. In a recent university study, where I asked myself eight times on six different occasions what I really thought about Asian women. It was found that like expensive wine and caviar, higher demand does not necessarily mean better quality. Let the man who is willing to pay $200 an ounce for caviar do so, I'll have a T-bone steak and a Guinness. And be just as happy, if not happier. "I get lots of Asian girls on my bus, but I'd rather pop into one of them there white girls," a Rutgers bus driver confided to me. He wished to remain anonymous due to recent charges of indecent exposure. "My wife is Asian, but every now and then, I slip off to my local bordello for some white girl action," opined University president Francis L. Lawrence, whose thoughts are so important that it is said that he "opines" rather than simply "states" them. At this moment, I am plagued by visions of scores of Asian women beating me publicly. I am slightly aroused. If you are an Asian woman who opposes these data, and wish to participate in further "scientific" studies, email the author at pinkeyedjim@hotmail.com, with your phone number and measurements. This is where I finish the article so I can download Asian lesbian porn from Limewire. Have a nice week, folks
The oldest business in the United States of America is the cymbal company Zildjian which was founded in Constantinople in 1623. There are approximately ten million bricks in the Empire State Building.
Come join me and the white folks that dominate this paper at livingston student center 9 pm, room 113
send news articles to carolhu@eden.rutgers.edu
Wednesday, October 2nd, 2002
News News
“I watch porn with my son.”
sun plots terror attacks by ned berke
Amish fraternity unsuccessful
STAFFWRITER
by colin marchiando STAFF WRITER
Washington D.C.-- The Bush administration announced today that they have reason to believe the sun is plotting a terrorist attack on the United States some time between now and a time which is not now. The information, officials say, has come from an interrogation suspect being kept in a dark, damp cell, for some indefinite period of time without trial. “He very reliable,” says the other foreign fellow in the cell next to the sources, while pointing at the source. “We are at a state of heightened alert,” announced Bush at a press conference this morning. “We have risen from fuchsia to unquestionably-gay-hot-pink on our threat color code system.” The system was put to use for the first time a few short months after the September 11th attacks. Thought up by such brilliant (read: gay and stupid? and gay) men as John Ashcroft, it was created to assist the public and George W. Bush in understanding what sort of danger we’re in. “The hot pink is the scary one,” says Bush in order to show his understanding. “The Sun may or may not have connections to al Queda, or The Axis of Foreigners We Don’t Like, but surely is planning an attack on the American way of life,” according to some foreign guy who was being beaten at the time and surely knows he is going to die soon. While the Sun’s method of killing us is still unknown, officials have many speculations. “We have reason to believe,” say officials, “the Sun may target our cities, exposing them to amounts of radiation.” Other projected methods of our death include a suicide attack by the sun, and getting so warm that all of us dirty American bastards stink and kill each other off. It also might try to hijack a plane and fly it in to the Livingston Campus at Rutgers University. The Bush administration has already decided to counter-attack the sun. Official’s report that they intend to arm, train, and fund the Moon the Sun’s arch enemy. “Victory is guaranteed!” shouted Bush while smashing together his Tonka toys at a press conference. He added, “Tonka tough!”
“Our religious Amish ways just aren’t wanted here” -Brother Samuel, Amish fraternity
NEW BRUNSWICK-- Wrapping up their final day of rush week with a barn building party, the only all-Amish fraternity on campus officially folded on Tuesday. “Our religious Amish ways just aren’t wanted here,” commented a defeated Brother Samuel, one of only two members of the fraternity. The group received only three pledges this year, two of which were jokes from local losers and one a misshapen search for free booze. Brother Thomas, the founder of the fraternity told reporters at a press conference today, “The other frats may have alcohol, technology, and easy women but we’ve got beards and darn it I guess that’s just not enough.” The press conference ended early however as an enraged Brother Thomas proceeded to attack reporters with his sharpened pointy beard.
Report: Lots of Assholes Died on 9/11 Bush: "They're no heroes!" by troy crowder, eater of chowder STAFF WRITER & BITCH
WASHINGTON-- In a major reversal, a report released this week on the victims of the 9/11 attacks showed that the majority of the people who died were assholes. The report, from the Institute of Niceness, states that over 1700 of the approximately 2800 victims of the World Trade Center, Pentagon, and Pennsylvania attacks were "assholes, pure and simple." The Institute defines assholes as "those who are often cruel, self-centered, and malicious and without a decent sense of humor." The report was based upon data compiled from thousands of interviews with the friends and relatives of the victims. The data showed that many of the victims were greedy, petty, and selfish. Wifebeating, racism, and contempt of people in lower classes were also prevalent among the victims' personality traits. President Bush, commenting on the report, said, "They're no heroes! I'm shocked, I figured these people were all working hard to make America better, not to make themselves richer. I also understand many of the victims were drug users, at one time or another, at least... well, they just got what was coming to them, because they funded the terrorists!" Several survivors have taken issue with the report. "It is contemptible to think that any of the victims were nothing less than heroes," said WTC Victims Spokesperson Ivana Yermoney. "None of these people deserved to die and the survivors deserve to be compensated for the distress this report has caused!" Some, however, were not surprised by the results. "I knew my dad was a greedy bitch," said Queens resident Brian Fuchs, whose father died in the North Tower's collapse. "It's been kinda funny hearing folks call him a hero, saying he was working for America. I'm glad he and his cunt mistress died that day, I can't see the video of the towers falling enough. Those fuckholes!" The report concludes, "It just goes to show, for every person who dies there's someone out there who is really glad they are dead. Let's not take sides."
w w w . w w w . · On September 29th there was a breaking and entering to a dorm in Mattia Residence Hall. The w w w . thief was reported to have been looking for Guy Patrick, to “give Johnny Prostate the ass hammer”. After being unsuccessful with finding Patrick, the intruder decided to give as many Johnny Prostates the ass hammer as possible. This intruder is a suspect on the November 16th break-in to Mattia Residence Hall and an earlier break-in to Tinsley Residence Hall. · A Rutgers University Student reported a break-in into his dormitory in Demarest Residence Hall on the College Avenue Campus. The break-in occurred September 30th between the hours of 1am and 3:30am. While the resident was sleeping he was awoken to finding an unknown person in his room. A TI-89 calculator, a Will Smith Wild Wild West Movie Poster, and the resident’s anal virginity were among w w w . the items stolen. A Tube of KY Jelly was left behind, when the resident awoke to find the intruder in his w w w . room. The suspect is also thought to have committed a similar crime in Tinsley Residence Hall, also on the w w w . College Avenue Campus.
POLICE BLOTTER
t h e m e d i u m . n e t t h e m e d i u m . n e t t h e m e d i u m . n e t
t h e m e d i u m . n e t t h e m e d i u m . n e t t h e m e d i u m . n e t
Features
“Hell is a place so bad, it makes Rutgers look slightly less bad.”
Jeff the Chef's Kitchen
Bring Back Slavery By The Writer’s Block Back in the olden days of America, there used to be this thing called slavery. From what I heard it was painful, but I think it’s time slavery was brought back. Now I know, many people are gonna say, “What?” or “Que?” but hear me out, there are many reasons why it should be brought back. The first of which is for is cotton. Man, do I love cotton, who doesn’t? It’s so soft and white and you can use it for anything, I know it has been a long time since ANYTHING, I tell you! We need slavery was legal but I never got rid of more cotton, and back in the slamine. She keeps me company when I get very days there were enormous lonely... and believe you me, she gets amounts of cotton. I guess you can plenty of protein. call that “The Good Old Days”. Another reason why slavery should be brought back is to have the phrase “Oh Lordy!” brought back. Nobody says that anymore, why? I guess the reason why nobody says it any more is because “Oh Lordy” is a phrase that can only be uttered through backbreaking labor. That sounds kinda harsh, but it’s a small price to pay for one of the coolest phrases of all time, “Oh Lordy, Lord, Lord!” (Doesn’t that sound so cool?) Another reason why slavery should happen again is for African Americans. You know, being from the ghetto just isn’t hardcore enough anymore. Blacks can say, “Yo G, I’m from the streets, respect,” but it doesn’t mean shit because these days everyone is from the streets. You got “gangsta” Indians from Jersey City shouting “West side”, there’s “thug” Asians from Tenafly shouting “Ching Chang, nigga”. There is no more credit from the streets these days. So if African Americans wanna still have the hardcore aura, slavery can save it. Just imagine, “Yo G, don’t mess with me, I’m from the plantations, so check yourself before you wreck yourself.” Now that’s ghetto fabulous. Lastly, African Americans need something to be angry about. Everyone knows that African Americans are the maddest people on Earth, but does anyone know why? Like, you could be walking on the street one day and say, “Hey Leon, how’ve you been?” and Leon would say, “Shut the fuck up, you cracker-ass cracker, don’t make me crack you over the head with my crack pipe!” Why are they so angry? If there was slavery, that question could be answered. No more shitty reasons for being angry like, “Oh, I’m mad cuz I can’t get no cab to stop for me.” Instead they would say stuff like “Oh, I’m mad cuz my whip sores won’t heal.” See, all these reasons are logical, you know, maybe slavery wasn’t such a bad thing. Hey this reminds me. You know we should bring back the holocaust. now I have my cootie shot... so gimme some lovin’
Wednesday October 2nd, 2002
Yes, the rumors were true, Jeff the Chef is a woman, and (s)he’s not a Chef so much as a tampon eating monster.
Good day to everyone, I trust every student has settled into the school life. But you know what I need after a long hard day of studying and staring at some premium ass...something to eat! This week’s recipe is entitled...Double Park Fuckusuflee. Here are the ingredients: 1.Find a deuschbag who doesn't understand the concept of parking their Mommy and Daddy owned cars right to the end of the curb. 2. Take a drunken frat guy who has nothing else to do and lead him to this giant hunk of metal. 3. Gently place a sledgehammer on the side of the curb, and just like new another car will have plenty of room to occupy the remaining spot.
+ Watch him not eat this poison.
Well, your dog is gonna die and I’ll have no one to beat but you.
Death
Why I Became Stupid by Nigel Mugaveroo
Does this picture make you want to kill everyone? If so... maybe you shouldn’t come to the Medium meeting... if not come by and bring a friend.
Tonight at 9:30 in the Livingston Student center in room 113... bring pie... but only if it’s apple.
In the end, I became very stupid from masturbation and Japanese calligraphy. That is, looking at Japanese calligraphy while I masturbated. This is offensive to many people including: The Strangely the Japanese Pope, Arnold Palmer, The Jackson Five and Steve sign for “I love my Franks. I have visited many countries to talk about my parents” is exactly the stupidity. Among the most enthusiastic countries were: same as “I love to Angola, Malta, New Zealand and Africa. I especially masturbate to pictures liked the secret Angolan handshake that went like a of my dad ejaculating sign-language orgy. I lectured extensively about wiggers onto my mother’s mostly and how smart they were about so many things. dead corpse.” I think For instance, if you want to know how to become a this tells us a lot about wigger, they will usually tell you for a forty-ounce bottle their culture. of malt liquor. I like to spread diseases like small pox to the wiggers through infected forty ounce bottles of malt liquor. I feel like a settler of early America when I do this. It is like going to a Christian church even if you are a God. You do this so you can take part in the tradition of a bygone culture. In the beginning, you just have to listen to George Bush, and then the rest will fall into place.
Wednesday cOctober 2nd, 2002
An Amazing DiscoveryBy Dan Kapder
I was In the middle of ass fucking my big boned man lover when it came to me. I enjoy fucking other men in the ass. I had never thought of it like this before, I, a 19 year-old male, enjoy anal sex with another man. To add to the fact, he’s fat and I didn’t ever really pretend he was a woman. I had been fucking him while slapping his large hairy ass when he said, “Dan, make me bleed from my asshole, you dirty man-gina” and I thought to myself, “I’m fucking another man in the ass, that’s gay.” I also realized that none of my friends, except the one I bang in the asshole, knows that I’m gay. All of my other friends just think that I’m an asshole and I can’t get over the girl I had no chance with, it’s actually something completely different. I enjoy fucking another man in the ass. Thinking back at it, I had downloaded gigabytes upon gigabytes of man on man porn and it still seemed normal. I also engaged in the act of buttfucking at least 5 times a week since this past summer and I never came to and realized I love sex with men. I often enjoy looking at the other guys in the shower and masturbating while soaping up my small penis, but from what I read in “Big Cocks with Cum All Over It”, it was nothing that other men didn’t do, I actually ganked it to the stories inside it My partner also tells me it’s normal for another man to cum all over another’s face after a rigorous blowjob where I grab him by his ears and call him my stinky fat ass bitch. Well, I’ve come to, and now it’s time for me to cum on his fat ass. Until then….
Features
“Bloody vagina squares and tang!”
Send your articles, poetry, short fiction, and comics to RyanBeck@eden.rutgers.edu or to CuteBoyAss@hotmail.com
Screw you or screw you harder By Kammy Kim, staff sister of Kimmy Kim
Norm used to have a penis, but... you guessed it Fran Lawrence stole it.
You’d be reading this if it were the Personals section, but you’re not because you’re an asshole... actually, YOU’RE not an asshole because you are reading this... if you don’t read it then you’re an asshole... so I guess this is pointless... like my life... god I wish I were dead.
For a good portion of your life you have probably possessed the notion that teachers are your “friends” and exist for the sole purpose of helping you further your education so when you “grow up,” you don’t have to work at McDonald’s cleaning toilets. With that generalization you probably also hold the belief that most other people working in the education field are also there to help you and prepare you for the future.
Well then why are we getting the RU Screw? Everyone attending Rutgers has gotten it in the ass by the RU Screw. Recognize the fact that the Deans at our school possess the ability to help you succeed or simply screw you. I’ve experienced both. When I was helped, I was amazed by the things the Dean’s office could pull off – and I verbally expressed my amazement, only to receive this exact phrase in response, “we can do anything we want.” Consequently, I have kept this phrase in my mind from that day on, hoping they could help me again, but no such luck. The days of good luck streaks have run out. I have been screwed over and over so many times that I am insanely lucky that I am still here standing. Unfortunately it has been more difficult on other people. When something doesn’t work out and you don’t understand why – you know you are getting the Royal RU Screw. Just remember they can do anything they want.
There is no way to make ziggy funny... ever....
Rutgers is a good deal on education, but beware of the side effects.
Send your articles, poetry, short fiction, and comics to RyanBeck@eden.rutgers.edu or to CuteBoyAss@hotmail.com
Comics
With my hair like this I can fuck you both in the ass at the same time. If I kill the boy I get DP!
Financial Aid: It’s supposed to help you pay for college so you don’t have to sell your body. Housing: Offers dishonest workers that allow cheating in the lotteries. Deans: Looks can be deceiving. They are in a position to help you, but at times they don’t. President: Not sure if he is aware that there are parts of the university that don’t involve a football team that is the laughingstock of Division 1. Professors: Make you fall asleep; some are quite nice when they take pity upon you. (None of those professors who take pitty upon you will be found in the engineering dept- Features Ed.)
The “super deep” Poetry Corner
I eat babies. By Liz Corso
www.themedium.net
Arts
“Bigger Eyes! Bigger Eyes!”
The ‘Art’ of Reality or Slow Down, Billy, this Isn’t Porn by Aija McKenzie, Arts. Ed.
So I hear that alot of sex is going on here at RU. Kids on Busch are coming home from their Engineering classes to get it on, the Quads and the Towers keep it Rock hard (get it, Livingston=the Rock, jackass), those Cook kids do it on their green pastures, all types of hot freakery goes on at College Ave, and you know we put the ass back in Douglass over here in the womens’ dorms. So what’s the problem? Too many guys get their sexual conduct tips from porn. You need to realize that this is not a porn, and you are definitely not a porn star. Here’s how to stop fuckin’ perpetrating. 1. Regular girls aren’t down for doing all that ill shit. Unless she specifically asks you to, do not: a. cum in her mouth b. cum in her eye c. cum on her tits 2. Don’t talk. Your girlfriend’s too nice to tell you that saying things like “You know you want this dick” pisses her off. 3. You are not an animal. Don’t growl or bark during sex, especially if your dick is garbage and you’re not even ‘hitting the spot.’ On the other hand, if you do have “the bangin’ dick,” say what you want, just don’t stop. 4. Under no circumstances are you to force yourself further in when she’s giving you head. Unless you want puke all over the place, relax and be happy that she’s touching your dick at all. 5. Not everyone does anal. Do not stick ANYTHING in anyone’s ass without permission unless you want to get punched in the fucking face. That “try it, you’ll like it” shit is for the birds. Just relax, keep it safe, and have a good time. You don’t have to be a porn star to make it a good night. As a matter of fact, it’d be better if you weren’t.
The True Place For
A Man’s Face
GO RWRFC
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Wednesday, October 2nd, 2002
You know you like it. Submit to shorty_fat_fat@yahoo.com and come to the Medium Meeting, tonight at 9:30, LSC 113
Kickin’ It Old Skool A Comic Book Review by J. W. Minus So I was going through my pile of freshly bought comics, and I read three in a row. It was not until I was done that I realized the common theme that all of these comics. They were all based off of TV shows I watched in the 80’s, namely, ThunderCats, G.I. Joe, and Transformers. So now, for all of you who know exactly what I am talking about, let us take a walk down memory lane with some old faces on fresh pages. First we will start with ThunderCats #2 from Wildstorm. Now I was always somewhat ambivalent about the ThunderCats. You see I liked the concept fine, and the opening and closing credits were really cool. These are important things when you are a kid. The show had two major, major flaws however. The animation was sketchy as hell. One show it would be decent, the next show…well…let’s just say that the Korean animators probably went on strike. The animation was often terrible. The second, and less forgivable sin, was that the stories always had cop-out endings. It would seem like Mumra had all but won, and some fluke, deusex-machina plot device would intervene and save the day. Now if, I don’t know, Lion-O did a ThunderCats Ho, and all of the rest of them went straight into ass-kicking mode, that was cool. But too often the plots just had really lame resolutions. I was 10 years old but I could still tell when the writers had run out of ideas. I wasn’t stupid. So the major task of the new comic would be to solve those plot problems, right? Well, they try. Seems Mumra is tired of Slithe’s shit, so he puts Vultureman in charge of the Mutants. Yeah, that’s what the team needed, a change in leadership. So, with Vultureman at the helm, the Mutants get their asses easily kicked once again by Lion-O, Tigra, and some random Samurai named Hachiman. Same shit, different decade. The best thing about this comic is the Jim Lee comic. Lion-O wished he were as cool as he looks here. Moving on to G.I. Joe #8 from Image, we find a nice little family reunion…that family being the Dreadnoks. The Gangs all there…literally; Ripper, Thrasher, Monkey Wrench, Zarana, and the leader, Zartan. I always liked these guys, just because their major motive in life seemed to be to break things and get paid for it, two ideals very close to my heart. Zarana is transporting a sensitive piece of computer equipment to Dr. Mindbender, looking Fabulous in his Purple Full-length Cobra Blouse. Hilarity ensues. Seriously, the G.I. Joe is worth it. It has all of the plot and characterization the show lacked, but without the ridiculously high turnover rate of the original comic book run. That was realistic, true, but did they have to kill off EVERY Joe I liked? Geeze. Lastly, we have Transformers: The War Within preview issue from DreamWave Productions. Now DW is also responsible for the wildly popular, and very good Transformers Generation 1 series that’s on its 5th issue now. Since those comics are so damn good, and faithful to Transformers, I knew this series would not disappoint. And it does look promising; this series will tell the story of the original civil war on Cybertron, sometime after they kicked the Quintessons into space, and before they arrived on Earth. If you have no idea what I’m talking about, then you are reading the wrong article. Anyway, the Transformers you know are there, but they look different because they are still in their Cybertronian bodies. All this adds up to some really fucking cool new versions of Grimlock (who’s a tank now), Starscream, Bumblebee, and Devastator (whoa). Long story short, buy these comics. Actually, no don’t because I don’t want them to be sold out before I get one. So for the ratings. I give ThunderCats #2 2 Energon Cubes out of Five, G.I. Joe #8 3 Energon Cubes, and Transformers; The War Within preview 4 Cubes. Enjoy your flashbacks kids.
Wednesday, October 2nd, 2002
if you are sexy, have a lose cavity between your legs, like to smoke Formaldehyde, into scat, and you can't forget the good old fashion water sports, fucks ducks and eats out your own mother, call me. To the TKE boy who looks like Justin Timberlake : Ever since the first time I saw you, I have been madly infatuated with you. I want to know everything about you. We have made eye contact a couple of times here and there, but I can’t bring myself to ever talk to you. Call me crazy, but I can’t get you out of my head. Write back. (Sorry to break your heart honey but he’s gay. Justin Timberlake and anybody who looks like him loves the cock, they know if they dress like him they get man ass any time they want it) To that girl who keeps looking at my computer as I type this, WHAT THE FUCK? Can’t a man type on a computer or look at some soft-core without some lady getting all up in his grill. Why don’t you just go back to working on your assignment and I’ll work on mine. RAMON, YOU ARE FUCKING GORGEOUS. WHAT I WOULD LOVE TO DO TO YOUR SWEET TIGHT VIRGIN ASSHOLE. I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE. I’M CUMMING OVER TONIGHT….ALL OVER YOUR ASS. (It’s not the personals without man love, man love may be gross but it’s what really defines the student population at Rutgers, people just don’t know it. Man love, sluts and fat sandwiches is what we’re about)
“Pretend I’m the pizza delivery guy, and watch me whack off...”
Want to hear something ironic? Yesterday I was walking from the Livingston Student Center to LSH and the ONLY people I saw were Asian. I mean, for a second I thought I might have been on Busch, but no no…it was Livingston. I kid you not. I mean I looked around for the black-folk, but none were there. Weird but True. (One time I was walking around on Douglas and all I thought I’d see were hot chicks,all I saw were ugly chicks with short hair) My drunken advice column: How can I pick up one of those frat party hoes, mr drunken advice giver? The way to do it, is to get really fucking plastered, like me, right now, and walk up behind them while they’re dancing. And when this whore’s arms are above her head, reach around and grab both titties and (IMPORTANT) do NOT LET GO! No matter what she says. This will be the most action you will ever get. Thank me later. Send more questions via the personals to “mr drunken advice giver” (What’s funny is that if he keeps this up he’ll be some big guys bitch in jail and they’ll grab him and not let go, ever. Enjoy anal sex!) To that psychopath Hans - yes, you know its you. Stay the fuck away from me. If you ever speak to me in person, I will make a point of hitting you with a shovel. Keep your schitzophrenic fat knife-wielding, parent-stabbing ass away from me you big chick piece of shit. To that hot chick what the nicest rack I’ve ever seen. You look so hot when you wear that blue bra, your tits look great I can’t stand not just grabbing them and squeezing them because they look so damn attractive. You know I’m talking to you, and I want you badly. You better wear something hot for when we can finally fuck.
Personals
Dear large breasted chick. I was just thinking about you, while I was masterbating. I have a girlfriend but your breasts are so large they even distract me from talking to my gay friend. Who probubly thinks about me while he masterbates, but I’m not gay. Anyways, they are all I think about. I want to fuck them. If Be sure to come to this weeks you are up for it just let me meeting in room 113 of the know. You might try raping me once and a while. I’ll be waitin’ Livingston Student Center at (Now either all he thinks 9:30PM. Fun = Medium about is your tits, or his To that hot bitch sucking cock To that goofy fucker who friends [girlfriend and the at the front of the Ludacris con- won’t keep his fucking mouth gay one] feel free to draw cert at RUfest: shut in my resitation for phiyour own conclusions) I saw you deep throating that losophy. If you have that many Italian guy’s cock in front of all problems please don’t share those people; I WANT you to them in class, and we all don’t suck my cock at this years think that you’re some type of events - wait, fuck that! Make genious because you’re reait this weekend in back of the soning is bullshit. If you could grease trucks bitch! You bet- just spit out crap and have it ter take my cock up your ass be genious I’m sur eyou’d be I would like to address the world and inform them about you little dirty whore; lemme teaching the class not our prohoist u on top of my dick cuz fessor. Do us all a favor, don’t the fact that skinny white we’d be disturbin the peace, come to class anymore, and if boys have big cocks; the luda style! you do, please keep your pain cock size of jews vary, they (Now I bet that was a con- in the ass complaints to under can be fairly large (like cert that he and she couldn’t 5 minutes each, we do enjoy redheads) to very small like forget. I just can’t forget the to learn in class, and not learn italian jews; black men have free condoms and how crazy about how you’re a fucking HUGE cocks (except for the croud got when Ludacris loser, so SHUT UP! explicit negros), and asian finally took stage. Nothing men have really really like some nice deep throating miniscule cocks. goodnight during some nice music) don’t argue with me cause to the Rutgers Womens Rugby you know I’m right. Football Club - thanks for beHey bitches who insulted the ing the most awesome girls jews last week, I happen to ever. We won this weekend know that jews have big cocks cause we’re twelve years old (especially Italian Jews) so and we’ll DO WHAT WE don’t go around saying that WANT. Love, Shorty Fat Fat shit, cuz it ain’t true. I suck jew cock, it’s fresh and clean be- Blame it on the Rain...Me and cause it’s circumsized and it’s my HOMIES...Bigger Eyes, tasty like Matza Ball ball soup Brita, BIGGER EYES! No, she’s a Broken Teapot! and smells like lox!”
(So, now which of the above is true? I’m going to agree with the first once since the To all those bitches who presecond was written in tend like you don’t know me. responce. Sorry Jews, tIt’s I’m glad you do it because I not our fault you killed God’s can’t stand having to live in the only son, even if you blame same building as your skank the Romans) asses. Two of you are cool, but Hugh Grant stars in the upthe rest can get VD and DIE! coming film, "the english man Prices for Advertising in The Medium: who came all over a hooker but went down for solicitation" Full Page $300 affection Half Page (Vertical or Horizontal) $150 erection Quarter Page $80 ELECTION Eighth Page $40 masturbation Run four times, get fifth time FREE fornication REGISTRATION Color Rates (Add to Normal Cost): Four color $300 (Boy, these people sure to Spot color $200 love voting and studies have shown that people who All RU Student Organizations save 50% off our “Rock the Vote” are also rates. 90% more likely to go in Liberty then the Hummer)
(I wonder if she is short and stout...) to those jerkoffs in Orgo TTH7 When I come to class, I'm sweaty and smelly and tired from rugby practice, and then your stupid ass wants to sit right up next to me...if i get dirt clods on your Express pants, it's your own fucking fault To Kirk, my crazy ass stalker— Get a life!! I don’t want your hairy ass! You masterbate, have green teeth, need to shave your back, and wax your pimply ass, and you’re not even a registered voter! Maybe if you registered outside Brower on October 4th, and then washed the crisco out of your fat pores, I might give your gross ass a chance!
All of the priests enjoy “teaching” little boys how they’re suppsed to ask to be forgiven. How true this protrayal really is. Girls, take notice next time you want to make it up to your man.
To Dante Culpepper and the Minnesota Vikings, you fucking suck! I decided to start you instead of Trent (5TDs) Green and I still won. It’s only because of the wonderful Shaun Alexander and his 5TDs in the first half. It’s about fucking time you came around you sack of shit. Now I just need to kick some ass in the remaining (For the last time, no one weeks to be the champion of votes and fat people aren’t the football league, hopefully really people!) Green can kick some ass again.
Personals Dear Rutgers parking “services”, choke on my cock. Love, beardo (Please wait patiently while the Parking and Transportation Services have a 6 day wait. We are currently choking a a number of cocks before we can get to your tiny pecker) To that ignorant asshole who was on the bus from Busch to Livingston to College Ave on Sunday night,you’re a fucking idiot. Why the hell were you bothering that guy from CA when he decided to come to RU because it’s a good school? It seems that you don’t understand that we’re actually going to a good school (ranked #20 in that nation for public schools), you’re too ignorant to be allowed to have thoughts let alone voice them, so shut the fuck up! (What most people from NJ don’t really know is that Rutgers is a good school ranked highly by other schools and has dirty, dirty whores) To that girl I’ve been with for such a long time. You’re great, I can’t wait til we’re together again because it sucks being apart and I love spending my time with you. I send all of my love though this rag of a newspaper. One there was a man from da mass, his balls were made of fine brass. But in stormy weather, they both clanged together, and sparks flew out of his ass… (There once was a man from Rutgers, I hear that’s where all the sluts go. Keep watch to your dick, or you’ll get really sick, with a VD from a girl from No Funswick) to the age of giotto prof: pronounce your “R’s” I CANT STAY AWAKE IN YOUR CLASS!!!
“He treats objects like women” To my hot Brower man: I enjoy admiring you from afar and cannot wait to get to know you better. But I can’t sleep with you until I know that you are registered voter. If you aren’t registered yet please go register outside Brower Commons on Friday October 4th from 4-11 so we can get this party started. (Let’s look at the reality of this: nobody votes, nobody registers to vote. This clearly means that you are never going to get laid. I bet you’re fat, fat girls never get laid!) To that studly piece of manmeat with the “Kiss me I registered” sticker stuck to your droolworthy pecks who was on the H bus on Tuesday: I want to ride you like a rodeo cowgirl and roll around in a mixture of bodily fluids and voter registration forms. Meet me outside of Brower on Friday...the vibration from the amps will be nothing compared to my throbbing loins. I’ll be the girl with the short skirt and nothing underneath, you’ll be my slave. (I’m sure I speak for the entire male population of Rutgers when I say that we’ll all be outside of Brower on Friday to check you out. I sure hope you aren’t one of those “weird” chicks, and by “weird” I mean fat. I want to suck on your long american cock I want you to cum on my asian face you can stick it in my ass as long as you dont use lube. love not carol not carol not carol not carol (Hmmm.. now. She seems very willing to do anything, much like many of the girls here. Whoever this is to is a very lucky man with his “not carol”)
Fuck your mom Fuck your dad I fucked both your mom and Jack and Jill: Shouldn’t his your dad name be Jack and her name be And your little sister watched. J i l l ? To that asssssshole in my psych (Well, it sure is nice you got class, stop biting your fucking the whole family involved, nails and wheezing when you but what about the family breathe. I thought I escaped pet?) your horribleness but I didn’t, www.ilovemartinscock.com please stop going to class
Wednesday, October 2nd, 2002
Sir Ganks-A-Lot
Wants you to come to the meeting this Wednesday in room 113 of the Livingston Student Center at 9:30. Be there or be wack! He’s got some Sorostitutes there for you, don’t forget! What is the deal with the fact that I can’t talk on my cell phone on the bus? What the to jimmy: you should marry tyra fuck is the difference between banks because she is light talking on a cell phone with brown and has green eyes like someone and having to listen you. You match. ooh la la. to someone else’s conversation Hey RUGBY chicks.. what’s about their potential herpes outbreak? FUCK THAT. If I up when is there another party? I had a smashing time want to talk on my goddamn at the last party and I’m sure cell phone, I will. it was because I was (Feel free to talk on your cell smashed! Be sure to clue me phone as long as you can rein on the parties because they member that the whole bus kick total ass! doesn’t want to hear your WEDNESDAY IS A conversasian) WHACKING DAY! To Livingston Quad 1 : Can (Be sure not to get RUGBI you all please die? Your music confused with RUGBY this is way too loud, your fire alarm guy on my floor went to the goes off everyday, and you are wrong party and he claims he all stupid Livingston College didn’t enjoy it, but we all students who should find themknow he did) selves lucky to even be assoI wonder if there really is such ciated with the prestigious a thing as love. I mean, my girl- name of “Rutgers University” friend told me she loved me.For the past 2 years. But To that fucking piece of shit I she had no problem breaking saw outside of the LSC on up with me.And hooking up friday. If you’re going to wear with someone else. But yes, a pair of converse why not cut I’m sure she still loves me very off the tag so you’re not walkmuch. ing around with it hanging down (Yeah, I’m sure she loves you you faggot. Also, why the fuck so much she just had to do were you wearing a glove on all those other guys and not one of your hands? Are you tell you about it for a few some type of Michael Jackson months) wanna-be? If anybody sees Renee, happy six months... I love you...Jesse
Send all of your personals to:
stainey@witty.com
this kid do us all a favor and kick his ass like I should have when I saw him. To add to the point this ghetto ass was on his way to Busch when he should have stayed in the ghetto.
What's up with fat women who have no ass. I believe that if you are fat, then you every part of your body should be expanded. Because women who fat and have flat asses just don't mix. Where did the fat go, how did the celulite not go to you ass. That very sickeing actually. Especially to picture doing a fat women from behind that has a flat rear end. (See now, fat people aren’t really people which is why they don’t fit the normal standards to which most people usually do) Hey Lily - What’s up? I went by your place Friday and to my surprise you weren’t there, we did all play some 64 though. I think we should all get together and watch some tv, and party. Sounds like a plan to me! To the RU football teamWay to fucking go this weekend. When I heard we were beating Tennesee I thought that hell had frozen over. Too bad we were unable to sustain the lead but congrats on challenging the team. You better kick some fucking ass against WV at the next home game, and stand up to those no talent bitches at Miami. Also way to go on the 100 yard TD return, you the fucking man! (I must agree with the congrats due, however we’re so going to get raped playing Miami, I’ll be there for the laughs, and the free shirt)
Wednesday, October 2nd, 2002
ZTA-what’s the deal with your shirts that inform the Rutgers population that “only the crowned live in the castle”? My guess is that the castle of yours is really where a girl needs to go to be quarantined. You have more STD’s than SDT. Gross sluts. (Oh please, you want to be crowned just as bad as the rest of the sluts on campus do) to the Fat Jenny in my life...you’re such a sloppy fatso. I’m so tired of seeing your fat rolls bust out of your baby tees. You can’t wear what you wore before you started eating snack cakes for a living. I’m buying you a big sweatshirt for Christmas, and we’re shoving your ass into it.
“missed the message that your fat gut=ugly”. Hey, dickless, you’re not great shakes. When IS the last time you located your penis? Judging by your tirade, I must have gotten under your skin. I’m sorry if my usage of the word “retard” offended your retarded mother. She must be retarded if she chose NOT to abort you. Besides, if it took you more than three minutes to read 100 words maybe you should seek the aide of “hooked on phonics”. I do have to apologize about my spandex comment since that surely makes up your entire wardrobe. After all, that is the official dress code of WHITE TRASH. By the way, NO means NO, so stop asking me out. Tell your dad the same. (Yeah, spandex is the the official dress code of White Trash. It’s true, it’s true. It just should not be worn by hideous gorditas like you. You see the problem with reading your asinine responses is your one of those annoying fucks who somewhere along the line came to believe that you were funny. And you going around tellinmg jokes that just piss people off, because you believe yourself to be funny. You’re probably so sad and fat that no one had the heart to tell you that
Personals
“Look ma! No hands!” you’re not funny. And of course, to your cellulite-addled brain you thought you were funny. So let me do a comedic mercy-killing. You are NOT FUNNY. You are a fat, disgusting mess. You developed a (bad) sense of humor to compensate for your incredible unattractiveness and aforementioned hideously massive gut. So I’m not going to use superlatives or exaggeration, I’m going to be blunt. You can say all you want about my mother, but that will never, EVER change the fact that you will ALWAYS be stupid, ALWAYS be ugly, ALWAYS be unfunny, and most of all, ALWAYS BE REALLY, REALLY FAT.)
to vibho, bitchka and reho, Cum suck me off like you did last night. I’ll give you cunnilingus as i finger your ass and eat it out. And then I’ll spit it in the Indians’ mouths, dirty cunts. Thanx for giving me the Rutgers strand of gonorrhea; u dirty whores, now i have the worst rash on my balls, and white slime comes out of my cock. O well, holler again; because I love butt sex and giving it to your dirty cunts everyyyyy night. Love, Jon (There is nothing more dangerous then a case of VD that has some from RU, many of the common medical cures do not work here, Beware!)
to my ex best friend: hey cunt; thanx for taking sloppy THIRDS, I hope u enjoyed it, you dirty whore. Why don’t u go fuck another few guys and still claim to be a virgin...god knows ur a bigger loser than a fucking college ave sorority girls. You wanted to hook up w/a fucking rapist so badly hm? Couldnt hold it in your pants? Welll guess what? I gave him CRABS you fucking dyke..So guess who’s got crabs now? YOU; HAHAHAH
To that sexy thing with brown hair and super hot brown and green eyes. You have got to be the most attractive thing I’ve ever laid my eyes on. I want to take you out to dinner at a nice place, then take you to a hotel room I’ve got reserved where we can act however we want. We can relax in a nice tub or be crazy on the nice soft bed. No matter what, it’s going to be a great time. Just ask me to do it, and we can do it. I promise it’ll be an awesome night for To that HOEMAN on busch; us both. I know you raped my sister you little twat. You fucking rape all the first years and then think you’re the man? ur face is so fucking nasty, i give u credit for picking up all those unsuspecting girl, you ugly motherfucker You must have the dirtiest pe- to that stupid age of giotto nis in all of Rutgers after ass teacher that i have, you aren’t fucking the lunch ladies at the really stupid but i still can’t fine dining busch facilities and stand the way you pronounce all the RU bus system drivers. your “r’s” stop doing that or go Leave the Dean of Engineer- back to boston or learn how ing alone, he’s straight and he to speak properly. dont want you. To the YankeesTo Aija, Dave and I love you; Fuck you, you are all cock we were wondering, would suckers and you will die of you like a 3 some w/us? ure AIDS. You do know it’s a the african queen of our GAY disease and you are Gay. dreams, please make them www.carolLOVESmartinscock.com cum true
What’s Shakin’
“smooch on your pooper hole”
LOCO Presents:
Rusted Root with special guest Mike Doughty of Soul Coughing Thursday, October 3 Livingston Gym/Recreation Center
Doors open 7 pm Tickets $10 RU student, $15 other
New York Events Wed 10/2 - Violent Femmes - Irving Plaza Wed 10/2 - The Chameleons, Springhouse - Knitting Factory Wed 10/2 - The Jammys - Roseland Ballroom Thur 10/3 - Duel Shock, Bad Boy Bill, Tall Paul - The Roxy Thur 10/3 - Karl Denson’s Tiny Universe, Tom Tom Club Irving Plaza Thur 10/3 - Cat Power, Entrance - Knitting Factory Fri 10/4 - Girls Against Boys - Bowery Ballroom Fri 10/4 - Blusyde - S.O.B.’s Fri 10/4, Sat 10/5 - Karl Denson’s Tiny Universe - Irving Plaza Sat 10/5 - Ratdog - Beacon Theatre Sat 10/5 - Robert Walter’s 20th Congress - Bowery Ballroom Sat 10/5 - The Moody Blues - Radio City Music Hall Sun 10/6 - Sparta - Bowery Ballroom Mon 10/7, Tues 10/8 - Counting Crows - Hammerstein Ballroom Mon 10/7, Tues 10/8 - Ween & friends - Bowery Ballroom Tues 10/8 - Mindless Self Indulgence - Irving Plaza Tues 10/8 - Jimmy Buffett, Sheryl Crow, Don Henley, John Mellencamp, Sting, Brian Wilson - Madison Square Garden Wed 10/9 - Dashboard Confessional - Roseland Ballroom Wed 10/9 - LL Cool J - Hammerstein Ballroom Wed 10/9, Thur 10/10 - Low - Bowery Ballroom
http://www.themedium.net
Wednesday, October 2nd, 2002
New Joisey Wed 10/2 - Dishwalla - The Stone Pony Wed 10/2 - Ari Hest, Llama - Maxwell’s Fri 10/4 - Billy Joel, Elton John - Continental Airlines Arena Fri 10/4 - Soulfly - Birch Hill Fri 10/4 - Elf Power - Maxwell’s Fri 10/4 - The Moody Blues - New Jersey Performing Arts Center Sat 10/5 - Paula Poundstone - Count Basie Theatre Sat 10/5 - The Chameleons, Springhouse - Maxwell’s Mon 10/7 - Ratdog - Count Basie Theatre Tues 10/8 - Cinerama - Maxwell’s Wed 10/9 - Korn - Continental Airlines Arena Fri 10/11 - Stone Temple Pilots - Convention Hall
If we had sexy robots at our meetings, I’m sure they’d let you feel them up. Come to the Medium meeting at 9:30 tonight at LSC 113 in case any decide to show up.
Philadelphia Fri 10/4 - Violent Femmes- The Electric Factory Sat 10/5 - Ryan Adams - Tower Theatre Sun 10/6 - The Strokes - The Electric Factory Tues 10/8 - The Moody Blues - Tower Theatre
Play our fun game! Chuck Palahniuk, author of “Fight Club,” will be signing books in NYC this week. Thursday, October 3rd 7:00pm - Barnes & Noble (Union Square) 33 E. 17th Street
Sunday, October 6th 7:00pm - KGB BAR 85 E. 4th Street
** WEBSITE PLUG** birdies!!
All kinds of neato buttons: feminist, revolutionary, anime, music, and just plain nifty. Get some at
http://mushycat.com/buttons/