03/05/03

THE

MEDIUM

Taylor

The Entertainment Weekly of Being Oppressed by “The Man”

Volume XXXIV, Number 17

www.themedium.net

Wednesday, March 5th, 2003

You’ve missed class because you’ve been too drunk, now miss it for a much better reason...

Rally In Support of Affordable Higher Education

Thursday, March 6th (tomorrow) Walk out starts at 11:00 AM Busses will be leaving from the area in front of Brower to go to Trenton at around 11:30...so GO!

EDITORIALS

“I am apologized, I do not talk english”

Wedneday, March 5th, 2003

Yo no hablo español?

Maybe Next Week...

-ryan Beckman I’m sure a lot of people at Rutgers think that the staff member of The Medium are evil trolls walking around campus in the shadows, just waiting to find someone to sexually harass.

I’d just like to say that as a staff our situation regarding the law is “almost satisfactory”, and aside from the Personals Editors (who eat babies) and the Ad manager (who eats Personals Editors) we’re not half as bad as some of the psychos I see running around campus.

You know that guy who runs down College Ave. naked at 3Am every Thursday night?.. crazy as a shithouse rat… and not an editor for The Medium… anymore.

You know what other psycho isn’t on the staff?... Mike Tyson… but if he was that’d be awesome… until he raped us all at least.

So until we get Tyson on our side… you better watch your babies… or Personals editors… because who knows what editor lurks in the dark.

bobby mcgee, paranoid-schizophrenic bartender supreme once quoth: “you ever feel like you’re just completely surrounded by these fucking hexagons?”

Fucking A. Mr McGee, Fucking A.

Ben Schachtman, Op/Eds Editor Spanish is a beautiful language, few of us can really argue with that. Of course, we’re all exposed to its bastardizations, spewing forth from the foul mouths of those who enjoy standing on the corner and harassing women, looking for cono. Stop and think, next time you hear this kind of linguistic butchery, about the wretched envoys of English. Who would think English was capable of any beauty having only heard George W. Bush, Oasis or theworld’s-slowest-rapper Mase?

Spanish is a beautiful language, and what us monolinguists are inclined to overlook, is not just the beauty of Castilian, but its inexorable appeal as an aphrodisiac. Even the hardiest of feminist intellectuals can feel their vaginas sensuously melting down their legs at the mere mention of Pablo Neruda. Many unassuming men have successfully laid siege to wintry hearts with a few words from Gabriel Garcia Marquez, lighting the fire of passion with a word in Spanish where more handsome, more bold, more distinguished men have labored their tongues to exhaustion in vein.

Think not, oh tender reader, that this performance is one played out only by men, only upon women, for it is now. Many a man, having heard out the discontents and desires of his partner “we need more special time” and “you never talk about your feelings” and of course “it makes me uncomfortable when you masturbate on me”- has learned to no longer hear them. But in the sultry guise of a whisper, in flowing Spanish words, his interest may again be grasped.

Spanish is a beautiful language, and in case it is not apparent by now, it is one this editor is most certainly not fluent in. It remains still upon his epic do-to list, amongst such other noble pursuits as: learning to sky-dive, addressing my drinking problem and of course controlling my compulsion to masturbate on people.

Shakira es muy caliente...

Israeli-Palestinian Politics The Impending War in Iraq Ethical Vegetarianism or Indie Rock

After that, you’re on your fucking own.

...y usted no habla español.

Shakira is not going to have sex with you.

The bearer of this coupon is hereby entitled to one ridiculously self-aggrandizing, profanely ungrounded and profoundly inaccurate public statement concerning one of the following topics:

Shakira is not going to have sex with you.

...pero usted es un perdedor...

So come to the Medium meeting, Wednesday @ 9:30 Because Shakira’s not going to have sex with you.

The

CONTENIDOS Editorials Opinions Faux News GMG Features

Página 8 Arts Página 9 Per Página 10 Son Página 11 Als Página 12 What’s Shaking?

Cover by: Ryan Beckman and Your Mom

MEDIO

Página 2 Página 3 Página 4 Página 5 Página 6 Página 7

LOS

Editor-in-Chief Managing Editor Business Manager Forensic Grapevine Analysts News Editor GMG Editor Arts Editor

Ryan Beckman Jim Cortina Mike Stanley Dr. Romeo & Dr. Schachtman Jim Cortina Daniel Migliore Aija McKenzie

Faculty Advisor Jeff Buechner Personals Editors Bridget Heines Bryan McKenna Photographer Elizabeth Finelli What’s Shakin’ Editor Amy Groark Online Editor Michael Wyzard Advertising Manager Ned Berke Staff Artist Alex Grey Senior Editor Amy Groark

THE MEDIUM is the entertainment weekly of Rutgers University. All articles are the opinions of the authors and are not necessarily shared by THE MEDIUM. Submission and business deadline is noon, Sunday. The office of THE MEDIUM is located in the SAC - Cubicle N. All correspondence may be addressed to THE MEDIUM SAC Box 78, New Brunswick, N.J. 08903. Send your e-love to Ryan Beck@Eden.Rutgers.Edu. Ignorance is our hallmark., worn with pride since 1970. Adios!

OPINIONS

“I have an opinion. Oh yes. I do.”

Wednesday, March 5th, 2003

THIS WEEK:

OPINION WORKSHOP HOW TO WRITE A GREAT OPINION AND MAKE PEOPLE ANGRY

(1) Let’s start with a good, simple example of an opinion...

Dear Opinions Editor,

1

This section sucks. It never has any opinions in it. Until now. Because this is an opinion. And now it sucks slightly less.

But only very slightly.

Sincerely, Liz Finelli

p.s. For your visual reference, here is a picture of me, making the disgusted face I make every time I realize how much this section sucks.

...it is short, concise and most importantly expresses an opinion, unlike other submissions to this page which have covered topics such as “how to perform cunnilingus on a female infant” and “four things about my rectum you didn’t know before”. Charming, no doubt, and informative entries that both nevertheless failed the fundamental litmus test for all opinions - expressing a personal belief. As you now know, this includes the belief that this page, or this paper are horrible.

(2) The following example is another simple example...

Dear Tool-of-Israeli-Government Pig,

2

This is me letting you know buddy, letting you know that I think you are a tool of the Israeli government. Sure, you make the fun of mock-elections in front of Brower. Sure, you make your ha-ha funny stuff about the Columbia crash. You even make trading card with World Trade Center on it.

But I am not fooled. No buddy.

I am thinking very much now that you are tool of Israeli pig government, and are not better than Israeli pig campus newspaper, the Targum. You fucking bastards.

Sincerely, Ahmad Jamal Mohammad - Busch ‘03

p.s. Good paper though. ...as you can see, the opinion can be about anything you think. As The Medium is obviously not a tool of the Israeli government, the above is not a fact, but an opinion, and a good one.

(3) This final example is more complex than the first two, because it outlines an actual argument, in which an opinion is supported by corollary observations, facts and figures, logical reasoning and sarcastic dismissals of opposing viewpoints. This is the kind of opinion that our President would deliver in order to convince Congress, the United Nations and the American people that World War Three is exactly what we need to horsewhip our economy back into shape..

Dear Opinions Editor,

3

Now I hate to admit it, but yes I read the daily paper here at Rutgers University. Of course I read the sports section, much like I would in any paper, because I love (sexually - Ed.) sports. However what I’m sure you’ve realized, if you’ve read the The Medium by now, is that our sports teams suck. Yes, I came out and said it our athletics are quite sub-par. Now I’m sure some of you now could point out that we’ve got the #18 ranked Women’s Basketball team, but you just said it, Women’s Basketball, not a sport (just like feminism isn’t a real philosophy - Ed.).

Nevertheless, I’ve been reading the paper about our real Basketball team (that’s right ladies, manball - Ed.), and I’ve been quite upset with the writing of one of the writers. Last semester I thought this writer - Kelly G. - was horrible, but the standards of good and bad were irrevocably lowered by C. Tapper. Wait a second -that’s too specific - let’s call this girl that writes for the daily paper of Rutgers University Christina T. - that’s better. Now Christina, enjoys using slang too often in her “articles” I call them “articles” because they’re absolutely horrendous (like other “articles” such as loose diarrhea, used syphilitic condoms and postcards from Polish death camps - Ed.). These phrases could work their way into the section every day and usually more then once.

Now the sports writers are all guilty of over using the phrase “"Sophomore Swing-man” when referring to the basketball player, Ricky Shields. Ok, sure he’s a “swing-man” but why is it necessary to call him “Swing-man” Ricky Shields every time you mention him for the first time in an article? It’s not like it’s his nickname like Ryan “Daddy made me the starting QB” Cubit who recently transferred out of here or Todd “I love the cock” Billet who pursued far greener grasses at University of Virginia (like the hair on a young boy’s mons pubis - Ed.) As well, “a three” is a common term for a three-point field goal, and is acceptable to use, however “trey” is nothing but shitty street slang. Sure it’s alright to use it, occasionally, but not in every article. I enjoy sports, and what you have been doing is ruining them for me, please try a little less to be “cooler” and work on the quality of the writing more. Thanks, and oh yeah, keep up the good work on the AP articles, you can’t fuck those up!

Sincerely, Max “I hate the Sports Writers” Cable

...you will notice that this article is much longer than the first two, but that’s because it had a lot more to cover. You’ll also notice how the article includes parenthetical inserts by the Opinions Editor. These are used to contradict certain opinions (without the author’s knowledge - Ed.) and to discredit the sincerity or disparage the intelligence of the opinion’s author. This is something that only very prestigious newspapers and magazines like the Wall Street Journal and Teen People have the literary clout to do. Here at The Medium , editorial interjections are only used when absolutely necessary (like here - Ed.) and when (like here, too - Ed.) clarification is salient to the message and meaning of an opinion (or when we feel like it - Ed.).

Hopefully, you’ve all come away with a little more of an understanding about opinions and how to write your own successfully.

All that’s left to do is have some sort of original thought in your head, or perhaps one you saw in The Onion and send it to: Collegeben@hotmail.com

NEWS NEWS

“Suck it, Dolphin!.”

Wednesday March 5, 2003

From the Oracle of Kronos

By Sirius Ditto DC Plugged in Baghdad Review of the previous episode: Bush called Saddam. An annoyed Saddam asked what it was that Bush wanted.

Bush said that Rumsfeld asked him to ask Saddam to tell the UN inspectors to get the hell out of Iraq so that the UN can allow the US to bomb Iraq. This conversation, in the meanwhile, was been eavesdropped by Sharon, who in the second part of the conversation was quietly booted out without him noticing: the CIA dispatched a pre-recorded phone conversation and Sharon slept to that tape. Bush explained Saddam that bombing Iraq was a good option in order to cancel Saddam’s oil agreements with other countries and get a brand new one with the USA. He also promised Saddam that he would be accommodated in a resort in Virgin Islands until a military coup is staged in his name that would enable him to return to Iraq under better circumstances.

“Now, now, Hussein, gather your senses. Would you rather have one shambling fascist state or see the entire world transform into one giant fascist dictatorship?”

“The second.”

“Good, Hussein, very good. I’m glad we are understanding each other.”

“Achieve the second while preserving the first.”

“You’re the perfect candidate, Hussein. And I’m the presidential candidate next year. I must get re-elected so that I can finish every task in our agenda. I can’t do it all within one presidential term.”

“I can understand that.”

“Of course you can. Look at yourself, you’ve been in power for 30 years and you still want more time, right?”

“Correct. Give me more time.”

“Believe me, if I wage a war on you, everything will take place much faster. Likes of you in other countries won’t need a whole 30 years to ruin a continent. They will only need a decade in the maximum.”

“That’s heaven!”

“Yes, that’s where Hitler and Mussolini are now, rest their souls in war. And we can create such an heaven on earth for us with a little bit help from you.”

“You’re hitting me in the softest spots, George. You’ve become such an eloquent negotiator suddenly.”

“Thanks for the compliments. And I admire your unique style of screwing, I must admit.

Now do I have your word on a war?”

“Don’t be too hasty. I must check certain matters with France, Russia and Germany. I’ll see what I can do for you.”

“Fair enough. I’ll see their representatives and yours in the Screwers Headquarters at the UN.” “World Leaders Head...”

“I know, I know but I think it’s time we make such terms mainstream so that people won’t find any reason to object them.”

The rest of the conversation went on in a friendly manner about such little matters.

Next week find out how McGreedy learned everything about life from Saddam.

News Briefs! ww w.p ink eye djim .com

.net dium eme w.th ww

Saddam thought for a second on this offer, said, “hmmm!” then thought for another second and then simply said, “Go fuck yourself, George! I don’t feel like retiring any time soon.”

Bush hung up the phone, looked around himself aimlessly, and got up from the table.

Cheney, Rumsfeld and a dozen of advisers in the room were staring at him while he walked towards the door. Cheney asked, “Where you going, George?”

“I’m goin’ to the bathroom,” answered Bush.

One of the advisers, dressed in a black suit, a gray audio device in his left ear, made a sign to another adviser who then made a sign to Cheney, who got up, caught Bush by the door, and slapped him across the face.

“What was that for, Dick?” asked Bush naively.

Dick answered with a restrained voice, “Get back to your chair, George, grab that phone and call that asshole again.”

“Again?”

“Yes, again.” hissed Cheney.

Rumsfeld gave out a great sigh in his chair, shaking his head in dismay, and said, “Nah, he’ll make a mess of it, I’m afraid.” He whispered something into Cheney’s ear. Cheney told Bush to sit by him and observe. Bush came and sat by him obediently. Then Rumsfeld ordered an adviser to bring in the impersonator. A Bush-look-like walked in. He respectfully greeted everyone in the room. Bush was taken aback. He leaned towards Cheney and said, “Who is this dude? He looks very familiar and sounds very familiar.”

“His name is BB, Better Bush. We trained him to be you so that you can imitate him to be better you. Scientists gave us a tip on how monkeys learn,” said Cheney to Bush and meaningfully winked.

Bush had a wide smile on his face. He seemed to be pleased with the clever set up. “They really care for me,” he said to himself.

BP sat by the phone, put his hand on it and looked at Rumsfeld for a sign. Rumsfeld nodded his head. BB dialed the phone. Saddam was on the other end of the line. This time the conversation went on as quoted below, with a slight change of tone.

“Hussein, would you agree that we, the screwers of the world, should stick together in the face of threats from people?”

“I would. But I prefer the term “the leaders of the world” not “the screwers”.”

“Point well taken.”

“Thank you.”

“Oh, no, thank you.”

“No, no, no, I thank you” (Cheney discretely interrupted the thanking ritual with a kick to BB’s shin.)

“Ouch!”

“Did my thanks hurt you?”

“No. The eagle’s claw.”

“How so?”

“Never mind.”

“I won’t.”

“Good. Now, would you also agree that I desperately need a war with a nation, a nation relatively weak that can be quickly defeated by us yet relatively strong enough to cause a hip of mess, a murky chaos out of which I can create a feeling of need for me among the American mass?”

“Yes, I would.”

“Isn’t it nice when the two reactionary screwers like...”

“Leaders” “...Two leaders like us understand each other this well?”

“Yes, it’s very touching.”

“You would surely agree with me that the oppressive leaders around the world are now looking up to me as the exemplary power, wouldn’t you?”

“I would.”

“I ought to be an exemplary pioneer for all racists, warlords, fanatic religious hypocrites, military coup practitioners, weapon traders, corrupt politicians, and all great business men of the world, wouldn’t you say?”

“Yes, I would.”

“I’ve got my hands full, Hussein. I need to loosen environmental regulations, approve hundreds of proposals by chemical, pharmaceutical, oil, and automotive industries, ban abortion in as many states as possible, get rid of dozens of civil rights, channel billions of dollars to church groups and white supremacists, construct and open hundreds of new prison complexes for business, and double the military budget.”

“Wow, what a juicy agenda! I wish I were there to do all that with you. Alas, I must stay here and screw this place up, sorry lead this place up. I must say, I’m jealous, George.”

“Well, be jealous no more. You can help me do all that.”

“Really?”

“I swear on black people’s ass.”

“Continue!”

“I need a war.”

“No, thanks. Go bomb somewhere else.”

“I need to create a smoke screen, Hussein, behind which I can rearrange all laws and regulations according our interests.”

“Stay away from my ass.”

“I need a solid pretext, you hear me, under which I can rearrange the entire world according to our interests. Your help is crucial for the future of fascism in the world.”

“I’m one of the best fascists there is. You need me the way I am.” (Continued)

Volcano Worshipper Dies In RI Nightclub Fire

by The Volcano Worshipper

According to a post by Rockhausen on the Planet Mu webboard, I died in the nightclub fire that occurred at the Great White concert in Rhode Island recently. Because of this, I was not able to do my radio show, The Volcano Worshipper’s Hour, this past week.

I think I’ve only heard 1 Great White song ever, on MTV when i was like 5 years old, and I didn’t know they were still around, and I don’t even have a car and there’s no reason on earth I would go to Rhode Island except to visit some of my cousins, but regardless, apparently I was there, and I was one of the 100 or so unfortunate victims.

I don’t know how this rumour started, but it was on the internet, so it must be true. So, Rest In Peace to me. Memorial services were held by me, listening to “Scenes From My Funeral” by Of Montreal, in my room.

Wednesday March 5, 2003

“Q: What’s funnier than mexicans? A: Guatemalans.”

NEWS

Care-Bears Implicated in Shuttle “Accident” By: Henry Rarisan Yesterday, it was revealed to the world the true reason that the shuttle exploded. In a video issued to the media by the CBLF, or the Care Bear Liberation Front, a camoed Grumpy Bear declared, “We will no longer be slaves to the mass media, for most of my adult life I was filmed and marketed as a plush toy for little kids, no more. My brethren and me have thrown down our oppressive shackles and we declare the clouded land of Care-a-lot to be a sovereign nation. Because no one will take us seriously, we admit to bombing the shuttle Columbia. Let no one violate the sanctity of Care-a-Lot or there will be more consequences!” On closer inspection to the video of the Columbia it was determined that the pieces of foam were not foam at all, but were Care-Bear suicide bomber. It can be clearly seen that a bomb encased Brave Heart Lion was plummeting toward the shuttle moments before it exploded. The CBLF was started after the cancellation of their much beloved show; this forced many of the displaced citizens suddenly out of a source of income to become bitter and cynical. They sought other gainful employment, but finding nothing in the lovable character sector, they turned to more seedy positions. Drugs and prostitution took the less than fortunate as some famous names suck as Bedtime Bear and Love a Lot Bear were found shooting heroin and performing sexual favors for middle-aged men. To stop this descent of his people, Grumpy Bear converted to Islam and set up the CBLF. The charismatic leader gathered many to his side, and bode their time until the horrific events of a few weeks ago. President Bush has made it clear that Care-A-Lot should be a part of the Axis of Evil along with Iraq and North Korea, but a vote for aggressive action against CareA-Lot has been shot down, because they are so damn cute. Needless to say, a new danger lurks around the corner for the world, as we do not know the lengths in which the CareBears will go to ensure their freedom.

“Hey, Allah-Bear, I scored a direct hit on their infidel starcraft!”

This is the X-Ray I took after the last Medium Meeting. Try explaining that to Health Services. Come to LSC 111 at 9:30 PM Tonight if you want to see my crooked cock!

Incidentally, you can also send your articles to pinkeyedjim@hotmail.com.

What does that have to do with my dick being broken? Nothing. Everything.

And why is there a lifesaver in my nutsack? If I knew the answer, I would know much more about how the universe works than I currently do.

GMG

“ I’m not wearing pants. I split my pants, and now I’m not wearing pants.” Wednesday, March 5, 2003

MEDIUMOLOGY Aeries

March 21-April 19

Your actions and words will be extremely potent this week. You’ll say, “Silly!”, it will be heard “stupid asshole!”. You’ll say, “ I’d have loved to help but…”, it will be heard, “Leave me alone you fucking looser!” You’ll close the door, people will complain, “You don’t have to slam the door.” You’ll smile, people will sob thinking you mocked them. But remember that others’ words and actions will have the similar impact on you. The Antidote: Imagine you’re holding a tiny yellow chick in your palm and you are one in others’ palms.

Taurus

April 20-May 20

Own nothing, lose nothing. Another magic is to know how to get things effortlessly and getting rid of them gracefully. Gotta get rid of stress. How? Gracefully. Curse at the governor, gracefully. Throw a worn-out textbook at his door, gracefully. Moon him, gracefully. Your motto for the week: Effortlesslyandgracefully.

Gemini

May 21-June 20

Even if you don’t kill yourself this week, you’ll think about it. When you do, think of a stylish way to die. Have a method to your madness. A moment of silence for those who dared to defy nature before you. Read from Pushkin, a great poet and a fellow Gemini.

Cancer

June 21-July 22

Don’t hesitate to load your words with feelings this week. You won’t be misunderstood. Maybe you should tell da gove’na how we feel about him. And about his…anyway, I’ll let you say it when the time comes. But first we must get you out of your depression. Cheer up there are worse things than having feelings.

Leo

July 23- Aug. 22

At times you may feel like you can’t communicate with others no matter how many languages you speak or how rich is your thesaurus. At those times drop your shoulders, step back and say, “alright, show me whatchya got!” If you like what you see jump on it, if you don’t, show us what you got. Your matra of the week: Gotitall.

Virgo

Aug. 23-Sept. 22

Mark my words, virgos, you’re not as predictable as people think you are. Play around with your dark side. Blindfold your friends with your wit and lead them into your seedy alleys. Some of you may even realize that being dirty is often a very liberating experience. Have fun!

Libra

Sept. 23- Oct. 22

A fun and challenging week before and behind you, if you can bring out your paramount self. Yes, without pretense. And blaming others when you fail is not an option either. Unless of course being finger pointed as a bitch or prick, on top of looser, is more preferable to you.

Scorpio

Oct. 23- Nov. 21

You may be an eagle but you must know which way the wind blows to fly and no eagle’s wings are of steal. No, this is not some Chinese or Native American proverb.

It’s a line from “How To Be A Cool Scorpio For Dummies”. It’s a reference for the rest of us. In Medium terms, it means, you don’t have to be a jerk upon getting some attention. Loosen it up a bit. If you take yourself that seriously you might die of ego suffocation.

Sagittarius

Nov. 22-Dec. 21

You know no shame and that’s your highest quality. You fit on earth above rules and laws. And gossips are your promotion means. You wanna feel like you’re on earth again? Hop on “The crystal ship is being filled / A thousand girls, a thousand thrills / A million ways to spend your time / When we get back / I’ll drop a line…”

Capricorn

Dec. 22-Jan. 19

You will feel extremely powerful this week. And you’ll probably waste it on trivial activities like having sex, not even, on looking for someone to have sex with. If you listen to me, put your pragmatism and endless energy onto something more useful: grab da gove’na, lay him on the ground, and open his mouth, so every student in NJ can pee and poop in… picture the rest yourself.

Aquarius

Jan. 20-Feb 18

You’ll pull your hair over the dilemma: intimacy and self-protection. You’ll choose neither. The new technological wonder you bought will seem more worth of your attention. Then you’ll struggle with a new dilemma, “Should I share my new toy or should I masturbate with it all by myself.” I suggest neither: Revolt. Go protest something.

Pisces

“Ode To My Fellow Young Singing Russian Lesbos, Tatu”

Feb. 19-March 20

You’ve got a special talent, though shallow, to avoid people who evoke your deep sense of paranoia. Don’t use it this week. Enjoy your paranoia instead. Besides making the government happy, you’ll feel a lot less lonely: this week everyone will seem to be running against you and you against your family. A mutual question when with family: Who is more embarrassed to have whom?

By: Alexander the Poet They’re russian lesbos They may be a bit obscene for you Each pedophile knows, They’re two girls from Russia called Tatu “All The Things Is the name, of their UK wants them With them old perverts

She Said” new, hit single banned want, to mingle

I see no big deal With two young girls kissing in the rain But they’re not legal, That’s what’s fuckin’ driving me insane!

To my russian girls, To hell with what the world thinks of you Please come to MY world, Where lesbos rock, and good music too!

“When My Mom Offered Me Pie”

by Alexander The Poet It was a late Sunday night, And I thought that I would die It all just didn’t sound right, When my mom offered me pie My mom begged me to try it But I told her, “Mom, no way!”

She said her pie tasted sweet, And I’d regret it, someday My mom’s pie, had so much And it had, some apples She said, taste her pie I I didn’t know what to

crust too must!, do

I love, my mommy so much, I just wanted to know why, Why I had to hide my crotch...

When my mom offered me pie

Wednesday, March 5, 2003

“Hard work good, and hard work fine, but first take care of head.”

Kim Jong Il is Going to Get Us!

Features

How to Masturbate When You Have a Roommate A Dormitory Masturbatory Tutorial

By Mike Litoris With the United States at war in Iraq, fighting terror… or angst… or giddy… or whatever the fuck it is that we’re fighting now, pumping money and weapons into Israel so it can “defend” itself, and conducting several military procedures all over the world it is curious that we are leaving out the one country with the ultra maniacal leader who is actively threatening us. What? Isn’t Iraq our biggest threat? I keep seeing rerun clips from Desert Storm… so it must be! However, the little bitch country that is North Korea is reported to have broadcast on its national radio a quote from their leader Kim Jong Il - or Asian Elvis as I like to call him (I may have stolen that from the Daily Show… I’m not sure) - in which he states that if the US attacks N. Korea, a nuclear war will ensue. He declares that “not only the Korean people in the North and South but the people in Asia and many countries around the world will suffer from a frightful nuclear catastrophe.” Oh… good. You know, it’s kind of odd that this was broadcast on the radio, when none of the people in his country have electricity to turn a radio on with. Curious indeed.

Anyway, at the same time, Jong Il claims that he has no nuclear weapons, nor does he intend to create any - he has only resumed nuclear operations for purposes of harnessing its power.

No… not to blow up the world; to give power to his people. So what will Jong do to make people around the world suffer if he has no nuclear weapons? I’m glad you asked! The Medium’s intelligence team, which comprises of four Down syndrome afflicted children, a pregnant 16 year old, and that dog puppet from the pets.com commercials has done some digging and gotten results. They have comprised a list of the most likely ways of suffering that people around the world will go through at the hands of N. Korea if the U.S. invades them: •

•

•

•

•

•

Jong Il will smuggle himself in as an immigrant to various countries. He will then buy canned beans from convenience stores and feed them to a dog. He will eagerly await the hours that follow until the dog takes a crap. The crap, naturally, will be the creamiest, smelliest, and most flammable crap of its kind. It will then be placed in a brown paper bag, set in front of a door, and lit on fire. The doorbell shall then be rung.

Evil Kim Jong Il will sit across the street eating the dog and laughing at the mayhem which will ensue. He will repeat until we have all suffered.

Kim Jong Il will go to parties and always be that guy with the bad breath who has personal space issues causing him to always stand really really close to you.

Like really close. And he won’t shut up. I hate you Jong.

Jong will go to Las Vegas and enter himself into multiple Elvis look-a-like contests, winning them all.

This will have a devastating effect on all the rednecks and crazed hicks who will then search out all “cityfolk” named Ned and rape them a la Deliverance style.

This sucks for me.

Jong will build a massive karaoke system and sing Celine Dion songs all day and all night for several months. This will please the Canadians, thus pissing off the rest of the world.

Kim Jong Il’s actions in the near future will spur a series of negative colloquial phrases, such as “Dat’s Il yo!” These phrases will mostly be used by non-Asian minorities, and suburban white kids who try to be nonAsian minorities.

Señor Jong will be there when you get drunk and you accidentally tell secrets you shouldn’t even know.

He then goes and tells lots of other people, causing trouble like the cock he is. Fuck you John… er…

Jong.

By: Colonel Quack Once upon a time, I didn’t masturbate. Then, one day, I discovered my penis. Since then, my penis and my left hand have had a very close relationship. This relationship was put in jeopardy when I came to the dorm.

Thankfully, I’ve developed a way to masturbate while not freaking out my roommate.

Step 0a: Learn your roommate’s habits. Know when he will definitely be around the dorm room. Know when he is never around. Obtain a copy of his class schedule. Use whatever means necessary.

Step 0b: Get into the habit of compulsively locking your door, even if you’re not going to masturbate. This will easily convince your roommate that you’re a paranoid son of a bitch, and so he will expect the door to be locked.

Step 0c: If female, keep your toys in an accessable place, but not in open view. If male, keep lotion near your preferred masturbation location, but not too far out into open view.

Caveat: Preparation is the key. Know your enemy.

Step 1: Pick a time when you know your roommate won’t be back for however long you need to masturbate.

Step 2: Lock the door. Of course, it should already be locked if you followed Step 0b. Decide on an alibi, something you can claim you were doing when you were really masturbating. When in doubt, keep a tame website (like http://www.goatse.cx) open to view. Or talk to people on IM while you masturbate. I mean, what kind of freak talks to their friends while masturbating? *looks around suspiciously* Step 3: Turn off noise, so that you can hear footsteps. If you hear steps at any time, skip to Step 6.

Step 4: Go to a spot in your room near your sexual accessories. Reach downstairs and warm yourself up. If male and lotion is required, use some. If the warming-up process involves a computer, be sure to keep your right hand free for the mouse. If female, skip to Step 5b.

Step 5a: Since you are sufficiently aroused, it is time to unzip your fly and retrieve your diddley. Continue pleasuring yourself. Pull balls through the fly, if desired. If you believe the coast is clear, skip to Step 7.

Step 5b: If certain toys are to your liking, retrieve them now and begin putting them to use. If you believe the coast is clear, skip to Step 7.

Step 6: By reaching this step, you have heard footsteps. Do not panic. Put all phallic devices or other out of view. Wait until you hear the definite sound of the key going into the lock. At this point, proceed with your alibi. Act completely natural. Do whatever you normally do. If this happened to be a false alarm, proceed with Step 7. Otherwise, consider your session over.

Step 7: Final buildup. If you think you have time, use it. If female, skip to Step 8b.

Step 8a: Lay out a worn shirt or other garment on your bed or other surface of similar height. Ejaculate onto the shirt. Fold the shirt, and wipe off excess semen of your hands and penis. Toss shirt back into hamper. Skip to Step 9.

Step 8b: Orgasm. Repeat as necessary.

Step 9: Wash hands, if desired. Return all items to their previously located positions. Be sure to make sure your fly is zipped up.

Congradulations, you have just completed your first session of masturbation in a room which you share with a complete stranger! Celebrate by telling all your online friends about it. Write an article for The Medium about your selfloving exploits!

Is your life full of sin and despair?

Well Jesus can’t save yo’ stank-ass, so submit articles to

Featuresed@yahoo.com It just might save your soul.

And come to a Medium Meeting tonight in LSC Room 111. We’ll all go to hell in a handbasket together.

Arts

“They sent me a Tupac poseter instead of South Park. Do they know I’m Black?”

New music for example. New music MTV decided to shit out on us has always been bad, but these days it’s gotta be scrapping the bottom of the shit barrel. Whoever’s putting this audio plague out there is about to find me standing outside of the door to their million dollar condo naked, painted like a clown, with a lockpick in one hand and a knife in the other. Have any of you SEEN the shit that’s out there today? I’ll tell you all right now unashamedly that I literally burst into tears of both suffering and laughter after watching 15 minutes of mtv. (or worse, CTN. Hey, let’s play whatever dumb shit we can find! Newfound glory? All right, toss ‘em on!) One good thing about music videos though, is it gives me a chance to see what wide variety of garbage they attempt to peddle to us and those younger. I’m deeply and personally insulted.

Let’s analyze some of the tentacles of the beast.

Newfound Glory: Mmmm, mall punk. These losers, and their fans obviously all have severe brain damage. How can you possibly look up to a guy who shaved crisscrossing lines into the back of his dome? This kid goes directly to the top of my “To punch in the face” list. And why is their bassist dancing and bouncing around on stage with no shirt on? He needs to either lose 50 pounds or look up shame in the dictionary. Oh wait that’s right, I forgot everyone loves silly fat bass players. Go team.

The vines: What, are we supposed to think these guys are that cool kinda crazy just because their frontman twists his face like a retard and smokes out of a bong? If you’re gonna rip off nirvana, at least do it right, and blow your face off. As soon as I saw that guy beating himself in the face with his own shoe in their “get outta the way” video, I knew I was in trouble. I bet these fools are real popular in the more inbred trailer parks of west VA. Someone needs to go jonestown on their fans. I’ll even help stir the punch. I’ll definitely laugh my ass off at these nothings in 3 years when they’re offering blowjobs for crack and hamburgers.

White Stripes: C..G..D..C..G..D ..Wow, that was difficult. NEXT! Avril Lavigne: One of the two queens of evil. I bet a leechy trendy teen just discovering this pop punk princess might say, “This girl’s the COOLEST! She’s so original, and she speaks her mind, and I think I saw a bracelet just like that at hot topic! I loooove hot topic! LET’S GO TO THE MALL, SUZIE! Did she just flip me off? Hey, there’s her ass crack!

What an original! She sure doesn’t care what anyone thinks! I want to be just like her.” The video cuts to a scene of avril and her cronies headbanging hard and fast into the camera! INTO THE CAMERA!! Mere words cannot express the hatred I harbor towards this waste of flesh.

Good Charlotte: I don’t even know where to begin about these guys. But I guess if I had a name like Benji or Joel, I’d suck too. I heard these guys are paralyzed in the face because their mom drank turpentine.

Good.

NEW MUSIC SUCKS: by Raoul Dan

There’s a lot wrong with the world today.

Kelly Osbourne: Dis ho be trippin. Who the fuck thought it would be a good idea to give this fat bitch a record deal? She needs to stop riding her daddy’s fame and fade into anonymity. I am so sick and tired of seeing this jiggling lardass earthquake her way through the airwaves, into my TV. This video is quite possibly the benchmark for terrible music - It upset me a great deal, and let me tell you why. At one particular point of awfulness, one of her sum 41 reject minions thinks it would be a good idea to get up and set the sprinkler system off with a lighter.

And guess who ends up dancing in the dounpour. Yup, Kelly. How wild.

Almost worse than the fact that she’s doing that shit, getting soaked reveals the true extent of her girth to each and every horrified onlooker. They must’ve offered her a truckload of cocaine and ringdings to get her to strip her dignity down to that level. That geek who sings for “the used” definitely works for his money. Oh, THEN this spoiled cunt bit the head off a chocolate bat. A GODDAMN CHOCOLATE BAT FOR CHRIST’S SAKES!! Does anyone else see something wrong with this picture?

I guess what I’m trying to say is that if any of you out there are fans of these guys, or Sum 41, or The Used, or the Hives, or the Big Tymers (for all you rap headz), then you need to eat a grenade.

Wednesday, March 5, 2003

"The Medium has gone radio! Tune in to WRSU 88.7 to hear our hilarious PSA's and our style of news reporting played throughout the day, all week, every week!"

Blood Out: Haiku by Arts Ed. Why, Maxipad, Why Must you stick to girls’ buttcheeks Tampons are your friend

Eat My Stink Reviewers

by Johnny Thirdworld

Fuck movie reviewers. Ya know what, fuck all them motherfuckers. Ebert and his corpse there are fucking garbage. I don’t know whose grundle they had to suck on to get the right to tell everyone what movies are good and which aren’t, but they must have done a fuck of a job cleaning that beast off since they have shit taste in movies. I bet they gave two thumbs up for “Stop Or My Mom Will Shoot” and two thumbs down for “The Garbage Pail Kids: The Movie”. What a bunch of cock gobblers. Why is it that Chicago especially is filled with so many ass mashing motherfuckers. I mean, sure it sucks in general, shittiest city second to Providence and New York but does that make everyone who writes there an automatic abortion of a human being. Fuck you all, start watching some good fucking movies you whores or I’ll come find those of you that aren’t already corpses and choke you to death with my stench sack you fucks.

What a sunny and beautiful day!

Maybe I can be happy after all!

What’s up AIDSY? Sob, Sob, Sob.

Submit to me! gimme your crappy (and not so crappy) poems, pictures, comix, reviews, etc...send it to shorty_fat_fat@yahoo.com, and while you’re at it, come to a Medium Meeting, tonight at the LSC Room 111, 9:30 PM

Wednesday, March 5, 2003 “Playing a joke on someone whereby you trick them into believing a girl they fucked is pregnant, is SO not cool.�

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Personals Personals

“What was in that site you posted, all I saw was a bunch of cross-dressers”

to tall crew-boy jim, who always wears orange shorts to the college ave gym: you are so fucking hot. everytime we see you in brower, we just want to rip your clothes off and jump on you. we watch you while you’re working out and fantasize about double-teaming you. your body is so lean and hard, and we can only guess that your cock would be the same way if you fucked the shit out of us. love, your two adoring fans. (you know...you’d probably make this guy’s lifetime if the two of you hopped on that assignment, there. so why don’t you do it instead of just talking about it in this scatological rag, huh? fucking cock-teases...)

Fuck You White Boy. Why did you all make Michael Jackson white and Eminem Black?

What the Fuck is this shit?

Don’t you people know that It doesn’t matter if you’re black To the news editor of the meor white cause you’re all a dium: I saw your pic in that bunch of ass-ramming cunts to sexy schoolgirl issue. It made my nipples hard. I want you to begin with. ravish me NOW...I’m ready Things I’d like to thank god for: for you to take me, you big DVDA, straight anal, pornogstud...and maybe you’ll wind raphy, the internet to suppleup with my balls on your chin. ment my awfully boring life, and (wow, that was unexpected.) pies. to that fuck who sits next to me in my photo class, stop asking me questions about your camera, you paid too much for your crap anyway, maybe if you weren't so damn craptastic you wouldn't have to ask me so many fucking questions and you could actually understand the concept of baby-eating at it's finest (baby eating is most certainly an art, like wine tasting, cigar smoking, and anal sex. and pornography converted into oil, like this: http:// www.adamconnelly.com/ prontings.html) www.slutgers.com — opening soon, everywhere. (my friend went to one of those make your own t-shirt places, and made a “slutgers” thong. i think it was the most beautiful thing i’ve seen since that big sorostitute accident back in ‘89.)

www.themedium.net 172.23.80.82

To the little man w/ lots of hair & the big guy down the hall....you boys are the orange soda in my Sunkist can....love you!!

Why you should not get a fucking roommate in College Ave: 1. He sleeps from 5-15 hour marathons. The guy would come in around 6AM either fucking drunk or stoned from clubbing and drop dead on his bed. He would then sleep from that time and become semi-concious around 8-10PM. I couldnt do work and the room would fucking smell of his BO, alcohol, and not to mention his snoring. 2.

Plays CS without reason. The bastard knowing I have an exam on that day invites his friend to play from mindnight to 6AM with the speakers around. So the fucker wakes me up and I couldnt sleep until 630ishAM thx to him. 3. Lets other people sleep on my bed.

He doesnt ask for permission and doesnt try to tell me. But the dumb fuck still leaves signs of someone sleeping on my bed. 4. My Computer. He lets some of his friends use my comp w/o my permission.

Thats the reason I had to place a PW lock on this comp. 5.

Schedules random movie nights @ the worst times.

Doesnt tell me hes doing this and screws me over since the nights can last up to 3AM. 6.

Fucking after the finals were over in the first semester. He Where the fuck did Optimus doesnt go home, just fucks Prime go?<= ? around, distracting those who need to get their shit together.

I would sug7. Always blast the same old gest coming to shit from his computer. Sure I a medium like pretty much everything except country, but this guy meeting, plays some of the worst R&B wednesday and rap songs. He always nights in overplays them and usually Livingston blasts them around 9AM or student center even when parents are around. room 111. We 8. Doesnt clean out his trash or expired food. He just leaves promise it there until it piles and smells, DVDA then winds up blaming me for action...if you making the room smell bad. 9. catch my drift. Got busted for drinking with his buddies @ the dorm, and lost once a bloody tampon got sucked out of her cog and all chances of becoming an RA and lost trust among his RA floated into a crowd of people buddies. 10. Jerked-off and in the ocean. and so: Love. jizzed on the lounge couch. Left (now that’s love.) a stain in there and people actually freaked out by it. Fuck Eden, they fucking wiped never sent the last personals to you guys. Fuck Eden, Fuck them up the ass. Fuck my roommate, fuck eden, and most of all FUCK HOUSING. (well, it certainly illustrates the diversity of the word, doesn’t it?)

I love anal.

A BIG FUCKING THANK YOU TO BEEZER FOR HELPING ME WITH PERSONALS LAST WEEK. Cameron decided to take the week off cause he had too much buttsex, so Beezer jumped in and took his place. YAY BEEZER!!!!!!

Wednesday, March 5, 2003

SEND ME PERSONALS!!!

SEND ME PERSONALS!!! olsentwins@seductive.com Also, you can send me cool pictures, like that one. I found that while masturbating furiously. I like personals. I like email. I like porn.

About a month after my boyfriend and I started dating, we were getting hot and heavy on my bed while all of our friends were out clubbing.

Everything was going great, really great, until his nose started bleeding—while he was orally parting my beef curtains!

Repugnant! I didn’t realize at first that anything was awry until he stopped lapping and started apologizing. He had blood on his face and I was pretty sure there was no reason for it to be mine. Then I remembered that he got nose-bleeds two or three times a day because of his deviated septum mishaps from childhood. He handed me some tissues and was clearly embarrassed, so I tried to clean up without drawing too much attention to the fact that his face had just exploded into my cooter. By: V Ruth C. (now for a lesson in combination bodily fluids: blood + cum = blum. pee + semen = peemen. shit + jizz = shizz. i guess this would fall under blum, only it’s sticky girl cum, not pearly white guy cum.)

To the girl sitting next to me right now: you’re really hot.

That’s two weeks in a row i’ve been blessed with hot girls.

to that nazi targum wanna-be reporter: you are so sexualmeat if i ever see you again. i hope that in journalism hell, which is where you’re going, the only word allowed is “really.” you probably think you’re hot shit, writing for the crappy targum, but why don’t you try a newspaper that doesn’t suck next time? oh, that’s right, because no one else wants a whiny girl-boy writing for them. i am definitely going to be sending a mean look your way sometime in the future. love, a really really really really not dumb blonde ps: you’re ridiculously effeminate and ugly [insert evil laughter here To: YOU Someone will always be there for you, No matter what you’re going through. Someone will always help you out, Without a pause or without a doubt. Someone will always be your friend, And laugh with you to the very end.

Someone will always say you’re right, Think of you through day and night.

Someone will always make you smile, Even if it’s for a little while. No matter what, I will be there, For you, I will always love and care. From: ME www.ilovemartinscock.com

Wed. March Cinco non-De Mayo “Dating her is like masturbating with a cheese grater;kinda funny, but mostly painful first law of rutgers bus physics: if you decelerate long enough, every green light will eventually turn red. (second law of rutgers bus physics: If you masturbate on the bus, the bus driver will get you to your destination faster) to that fucking piece of shit jew who complained about the volume of my head phones in the computer lab. you look like the biggest loser.. but wait.. oh yeah you’re jewish.. so read the personals from last semester about an oven...

(That’s not right, how do you even know he’s jewish.

That’s racial mother fucking profiling; did you even bother to look for his giant nose, or the fact that he was picking up massive amounts of change, or even giving a waiter a really bad tip, I bet you didn’t even look for the Nazi he was running from didja? Next time you want to point out a jew, make sure they really are a jew, and not one of those fake Jew’s out there........They know who they are.)

To the dirty Indian ho in Frelinghuysen with the breasteses the size of Texas!

You and I need to have a lesbian orgy! I would love to bury my head in between those two huge melons of yours. The scent of your curry juice makes me cream my pants. Can’t wait to stick my double ended dildo up your sweet tight ass and fuck the shit out of you. Love always, the Big Breasted Spanish ho.

(Big Breasted Spanish ho + Dirty Indian ho in Frelinghuysen = Spawn of Satan I dare not wish to think, but would rather fuck from behind I dont really come from outer space. Dont mock me my friend. Its a condition of mental divergence. I find myself on the planted Ogo, part of an intellectual elite, preparing to subjugate the barbarian hordes on Pluto. But even though this is a totally convincing reality for me in every way, nevertheless Ogo is actually a construct of my psyche. I am menatlly divergent, in that I am escaping certain unnamed realities that plague my life here. When I stop going there, I will be well. Are you also divergent, friend?

(I know we don’t have rules against this, but please, if you’re autistic, please don’t send us personals...It just means we get to laugh at you)

Pissed Off Personal Of The Week To Governor McFuckhead: Thank you for ruining the lives of Rutgers students, as well as every other student in the state. You are really a piece of shit that has no consideration for anyone in this damn shithole of a state.

I mean come on, Jersey is bad enough as it is, but do you really need to make our tuition higher you fuckin prick. People in this state have enough time paying for tuition at the current price, why raise it? I know why...because you are a pyronecrobeastiality raping ass pirate lover. Everyone in the state knows your gay and your wife and kids are a cover up. You are one fagass son of a bitch, die and rot in hell you fuckin douche bag.

At the rally tomorrow, I hope the students get a hold of your worthless sack of shit body, and then tie you up in the stocks and pelt you with used dildos until the paramedics come by and save the dildos, then feed your genital parts to the rabid, satanic squirrels on Cook campus. It’s too bad this state had to elect such a shitty ass governor like yourself. I think you would be much better at cleaning up elephant shit at some shitty ass ghetto zoo. Well, have fun ass-raping the rest of the NJ legislature, and if this budget-cut gets past, you better find a good place to hide because students as well as familys in the state will be more than happy to rip your testicles off and feed them to the starving, canibals of downtown New Brunswick.

FUCK YOU FAGSHITTER!!! ~Love, the RU student body Get off my ass, ya wee bitty fuck, If i pull out the claymore yer shit outta luck. Who is this girl, this pretty young thing, After i fuck her she’ll get up and sing. Aye aye aye, Sharpen yer boot and bludgeon yer eye. Aye aye aye, The blarney stone brings a tear to me eye.

(Only, our readers are autistic enough to rhyme Aye with Eye with Aye with Eye...Way to go Maya Angelou

Personals Personals

To MarCow: You are a pig fucker!!! But wait... you are the pig! My bad (Okay, let me get this straight, just so we’re both clear; this girl is fucking a pig, but she is also a pig? I don’t see any problem with that? My girlfriend is a fat cow and she’s fucking a ..... NEXT PERSONAL To that stupid face with bad handwriting I hate you, from some RU Student (Ha, covered up my tracks; take that Dick Tracy to the blonde foreign bitch in my theatre class, you’re too fucking hot. you know you want to take the dick, and i know your a cum guzzling whore because every girl here at slutgers is. foreign chicks are way to sexy, well unless they are curry smelling Join The Medium indian fucks or monkey chattering chink bitches. chinks Come to our meeting in the LSC in and towelheads are a bunch of fucks. dont come to america room 111; Don’t worry, there won’t be unless your going to speak any hazing english all the time. keep your We Promise... fucking booty talk for your circle jerk or curry carpet munching Is there any way I can get out sessions. of paying the tuition increase?

(They all start out so sweet to (This really isn’t dear Abby; Don’t Type Here everyone’s cum-guzzling but.... whores, and they always end Dear Perverted Psychopath, up being racist.

Why There are many ways to get out of the tuition increase.

Jebus!?!? Why!?!?!)

One way is to suck off as Jebus: “The Jews” many Native Americans as you can. I honestly don’t know how this can help. But it’s better than choice two: sucking off McGreevey

OK

Feel free to send your personals to Olsentwins@seductive.com If you don’t you shall be force to watch the melting of The Simpsons. Mwa Ha Ha!!!.....Ha Ha !!

What’s Shakin’

“You can’t even pay attention to pornography that long.”

New York Wed 3/5 - Maroon 5, Virginia Coalition, Marc Broussard - Irving Plaza Wed 3/5, Thur 3/6 - King Crimson - Town Hall Thur 3/6 - Tegan and Sara - Mercury Lounge Thur 3/6 - Audioslave - Hammerstein Ballroom Thur 3/6 - Martin Sexton - Bowery Ballroom Thur 3/6 - Idlewild, French Kicks, Solea - Irving Plaza Thur 3/6-Sat 3/8 - Tori Amos - Radio City Music Hall Fri 3/7 - Saliva, (hed) P.E. - Roseland Ballroom Fri 3/7 - John Parish - Bowery Ballroom Fri 3/7, Sat 3/8 - Interpol, The Raveonettes - Irving Plaza Fri 3/7, Sat 3/8 - Erasure - Beacon Theater Sat 3/8 - They Might Be Giants - Town Hall Sat 3/8 - Topaz, Umphrey’s McGee - Bowery Ballroom Sat 3/8 - Sum 41 - Roseland Ballroom Sun 3/9 - Mark Geary - Arlene Grocery Mon 3/10 - Mooney Suzuki - Bowery Ballroom Tue 3/11 - AC/DC - Roseland Ballroom Tue 3/11 - Ben Harper & the Innocent Criminals Bowery Ballroom Wed 3/12 - Rising Low - Irving Plaza Wed 3/12 - Les Nubians - S.O.B.’s Wed 3/12 - Linkin Park - Roseland Ballroom Thur 3/13 - George Clinton - B.B. King Blues Club & Grill Thur 3/13 - Allman Brothers Band - Beacon Theater Fri 3/14 - The Roots - Roseland Ballroom Fri 3/14, Sat 3/15 - The Saw Doctors, Padraig Stevens - Irving Plaza

Wednesday, March 5th, 2003

Wanna see my tits?

Come to a Medium meeting!

Tonight at 9:30, LSC 111 Then be sure to report your findings to the ornothological society:

orgykarma@yahoo.com (that means send me events, birdbrain)

Michael Moore’s

Bowling For Columbine This weekend @ Scott Hall 123 Friday thru Sunday, 7 pm tickets $5

New Jersey Wed 3/5 - Solea, Instruction, The Fakers Maxwell’s Wed 3/5 - Link Wray, Jet City Fix, Jack Stone Pony Thur 3/6 - Flogging Molly, Lost City Angels, The Briggs - Birch Hill Fri 3/7 - The Milwaukees, The Rosario Focus - Maxwell’s Fri 3/7 - CKY, Atreyu - Birch Hill Fri 3/7 - New Blood Revival, Blue Highways, Dave Callandra - Stone Pony Fri 3/7 - Clever Hans, Stereo Soul, No Soap Radio, Daphne - The Saint Sat 3/8 - Papa Roach, Nonpoint - Birch Hill Sat 3/8 - The Greenhornes, The Hentchmen, The Ribeye Bros. - Maxwell’s Sat 3/8 - Pat McGee Band, Georgia Avenue, Granian - Stone Pony Sun 3/9 - Trapt, Stage, The Exies - Birch Hill Thur 3/13 - The Movielife, Onelinedrawing, Senses Fail - Birch Hill http://www.themedium.net