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HWT
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CLASS OF 2013 TAPS Spaghetti *Denotes 50 Most Wolf’s 2012 and Head 2013 Meatballs Omar Njie Skull and Michael Solotke (S&M) Lunn Bones 2013 Kevin Kat Piper Gus Steyer Tatiana Piskula Nick Lombardo Charles Holmes Lexi Adams Isha Ambani Noah Gray Xan Tanner Aarica West Daniel Hoffman Mike Grace Jenna Poggi Richard Dodd Margaret Ayers George Hunter Chris Dooley Collin Bibb Frank Shaw Charlton Field Brendan Ross Emily Desmeules Teresa Benet Jennfer Ong Danielle Barack Thomas Meyer
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Lydia Stepanek Senior Editor
M AY 2 0 1 2
THINGS I WILL NOT MISS ABOUT YALE
Well, kids, it’s been fun times, but I will in fact be graduating this May. (No idea how I pulled that off.) As a graduating senior, I often think about what life will be like after Yale. College has been a good time, and I’m pretty sure law school isn’t all the hookers and blow it’s made out to be. But honestly, the more I think about graduation, the more I realize that I’m not going to miss everything about Yale. So, for the last time, I’m going to allow my vitriol to spill forth, for a list of really irritating things about Yale that I’ll be glad to never have to deal with again. 1) A cappella groups Students at Yale often comment that one of the nice things about Yale is that the Greek scene is really laid back, i.e., almost nonexistent. Not that that bothers me – not everyone is bro enough to be frat. Perfectly reasonable. What bothers me is that Greek life so much smaller than a cappella. Now don’t get me wrong, I respect the talent of these performers (actually, only SHADES), mostly because singing is one of the things on my list of “Things Reese Cannot Do” (right up there with “giving birth” and “losing weight”). My problem with them
mostly stems from the fact that, unlike fraternities, they don’t really contribute to campus social life aside from giving singers something to do. Yale frats throw parties, make asses of themselves, and remind people that Yale is college. A cappella groups, on the other hand, ululate and engage in choreography. Oh, and also? A cappella groups contribute to idea that Yale is just one big College Musical. That’s right – a cappella is to blame for “That’s Why I Chose Yale.” A cappella has killed masculinity in favor of every Glee-adoring, Rent-extra wannabe who can carry a tune and read and add good. Thanks, you godless ululaters.
to be different that you have to listen to music by bands that fewer people than the membership in Yale College Republicans have heard of? It’s great that you lost your Vcard in the back of your daddy’s Lexus at age 14 and got your first fake ID at 16, but we all have little quirks that don’t necessitate lifestyles that put you on the fringe of society. It’s one thing to be different, but it’s an entirely different thing if a place as artificially diverse and gut-wrenchingly tolerant as Yale sees fit to mock you, right alongside Fox News and Scientology. In other words, you are to Yale what furries are to the Internet fetish community.
2) Hipsters Wow, where to begin? As if Yale wasn’t insular enough, we now have a subculture of pompous, Pitchfork-reading drones that dress like a thrift store threw up on them and who have the gall to criticize poplar trends. I can’t walk down the street without seeing at least one glass-eyed mouth-breathers puffing on a cigarette while wearing Buddy Holly glasses and sporting a “totally ironic” mustache. And since when did irony devolve from a literary device to a justification for poor taste? Is it really so necessary
3) Weather Don’t let the springtime fool you – New Haven weather absolutely blows for the majority of the school year. If it’s not
pouring rain, it’s snowing; if it’s not snowing, it’s bone-chillingly windy; and if it’s none of the above, then it’s just cold and miserable. I’m not one to argue that only one detail or preference should define one’s perception of a place or person, but I find it pretty hard to divorce the weather from my perception of Yale simply because I’ve lived here for FOUR LONG, UNHOLY YALE WINTERS. In fact, I’m happy I’m not smart enough to stay in New England for law school – the weather sucks and makes people miserable. Goodbye, ugly Connecticut rain and gloom; hello, beautiful Kentucky sunshine and bluegrass (and bourbon!)
Pictured: Yale in winter
Only one of these is actually enjoyable. (SPOILER ALERT: it’s the one without neckties. Or shirts)
4) STEP You had to know this one was coming. Of course, members of STEP care about the environment and our re-
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School spirit – not seen at Yale since 1954 lationship with it. That’s not a showcase for the fine – I can live with that. NBA’s rookie class (yeah, What I can’t live with Kentucky). But shorting is their Yale-sanctioned on support for athletics attack upon our right to also diminishes school choose our own lifestyles. spirit. If there were an orSuccessful college athganization on campus letics make people proud that sought to change to attend their institution any other aspect of our and foster a community lifestyles, such as political spirit. Then, the heightideology or sex life, based ened expectations of fans only upon that organizaare proportional to both tion’s principles, it would current athletes’ perforlast about as long as a mance on the field or in lamb in a slaughterhouse. the court and the quality But as we all know, at of future recruits. In other Yale, self-righteousness words, this problem is isn’t just tolerated in totally fixable. groups dedicated to soBut that’s not going cial change – it’s encourto happen because Yale aged. My hated of STEP can coast on its tradition is similar to my hatred of of academic excellence Duke – utter, total, unwithout ever having to equivocal. Which brings change. Why invest in me to… petty things like school spirit and athletic pride 5) Utter Lack of Athletwhen students will be ic (and School) Spirit so grateful to have the Speaking as both a colprivileges that an Ivy lege sports fan and as a League education affords former Yale cheerleader, that they’ll grit and bear I can say without a doubt anything? Such as, everythat the Ivy League has thing on this list. the sorriest excuse for a Writing this column has fan base that I’ve ever been a lot of fun, and I seen. And it’s a shame. especially appreciate the I love our athletes – people who have come some of my best friends up told me about how at Yale are athletes, as are much they’ve loathed/ most of my DKE brothloved/hated it. The only ers. As a cheerleader, I advice I leave you with saw pitiful attendance is this: always question and found that psyching the world around you, up the crowd was harder never be satisfied with than placating an outthe status quo, and, of raged Yale feminist. course, keep on hating – Now, I know Yale is ultimately, it is the only supposed to be an institu- way to show you care. tion of higher learning,