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iP T a n u i n Arsenal




Something for the Weekend Published as pari of Felix, the Student Newspaper of Imperial College


How to keep your New Year Resolutions.

JDesperately seeking Simon.



Bush, just who are they? Why the biggest band in Amercia is barely heard of over here.

The Mirror has Two Faces and Sleepers.

<1 /




Alex Ferguson Biography.

19 Pick up a copy of Classroom Clangers, for free!

editorial space


Here's the deal: I've got a company on the 'phone that says they give me some horrendously large free gift if I talk about their promotion in an editorial. What blatant bribery! Do they think that the great and good of SftW would stoop so low as mention The National Comedy Network and the Open Mic Award? Damn.

Many thanks to all those people who helped out on this special Christmas Something for the Weekend. More specifically: Internet Junkie: Steve; The Golem: Sarah Art & Theatre: Emma Music: Jason Film: Adrian; Books: William Diary: Stephen Layup and design: David and Will Felix II: Something for the Weekend 170197

make you sound thicker than you actually are

the golem

B e c o m e smarter... Another best-seller last year was "Emotional Intelligence" by Daniel Goleman. Goleman suggests that personal success may depend more on emotional skills like self-control and empathy than IQ. This claim is based largely on the dramatic results of an experiment called the Marshmallow Challenge. In the 1960s, a group of 4


4 Seven

appearing in magazines and on web sites. If you want to discover your EQ (emotional quotient), try a questionnaire devised by Daniel Goleman himself at If you score a maximum 200 points, then you're an emotional genius, less than 50 and you're told to consider psychotherapy. Great if you discover, like Oprah Winfrey, that "you're smarter



~ become eccentric - psychologists say its harder for people to pigeonhole eccentrics as clever or stupid, so you may get the benefit of the doubt. Lose the extra 5 lb. y o u p u t o n over Xmas... Simply by eating 1000 extra Calories per day over the two-week holiday most people gain 5 lb. in weight. So what can you do if you're feeling a bit fatter in the New Year? Well there was good news in 1996 for those of us who can't face the idea of dieting or exercise. Scientists finally announced the results of trials with a

so-called "love potions" on the market a couple can be found wafting around the Internet. Both Fire for men and Attract for women claim to reach parts other odours can't touch. But is it strictly scientific? Pheromones are simply chemical messengers that animals and insects release to control social and sexual behaviour. Farmers have used insect sex pheromones (for example used by female moths to attract males) for pest control for decades. Work on human sex pheromones has been a lot more controversial. There have been studies showing people's preference for chairs in waiting rooms sprayed with the right pheromones. But ifs doubtful whether

s t o success

17019? year-olds were given a marshmallow and told they could eat the sweet now or wait 15 minutes and be rewarded by a second marshmallow. Many years Assuming you're a later a startling difference was found student hoping to between the teenagers who had get an A in a shown self-control at four and those course, bur you jwho couldn't resist the fluffy sweet. The find out mid-term | two-thirds who had waited for a secthat you have a C. ond marshmallow were more sucWhat do you do? cessful in most areas of life. Golema ianswer as honwrites in his book that self-control at estly as possi a) draw up a spe- four is "twice as powerful a predictor cific work plan of later academic prowess as IQ". b! resolve to Jo But if you are now too old to take the better next rune Marshmallow Challenge, is there a way c) concentrate on to measure emotional intelligence? other, courses Most experts are doubtful that complex d> try to get your emotions like empathy can ever be gude changed (Only (a) scores measured in a meaningful way, but that hasn't stopped a rash of quizzes points)

than you've been told all your life". But what if you find out you're an emotional neanderthal. Is it possible to improve your EQ? Goleman is very enthusiastic about "emotional literacy" programs in the US, which teach children emotional skills at school. However most scientists remain sceptical about emotional training, except for specific problems in extreme cases, such as anger control. O r l u s t b l u f f it... If you can't find a way to become brainier, there are lots of tricks, which give people the impression you're cleverer than you are, for example, ~ try looking taller - several studies show tall people are assumed to be more intelligent ~ use Received Pronunciation - unfortunately some regional accents can

the golem & other stories

new slimming drug, that stops you overeating by tricking your brain info en the ) % of them lost an average of 17 lb and kept it off for at least a year. Now that sibutramine has been shown to be safe and effective, scientists hope it will reduce problems linked to obesity, such as heart attacks and strokes. The only bad news is that the drug has yet to be license^: for sale, so in the meantime ils back lo the gym Increase your s e x appeal... If dazzling good looks and witty conversation let you dowi ly not try the a sex pheromones to bo ging success in 1997. Th

anyone has isolated i stance that will guarantee S8X appeal. If you want to do < • Mifcs expf." nenting yourself, then ifs easy to orde- the above fragrances over the ( f o u n d H t J p : / / 2 0 4 192 121 20b/\W" | suppc extracted from human sweat, and is desio: / V"v; .' :


can try a sample for free • H B I ! p : / / v v \ w ^ eskimo.corrt/~stopjjfcg girls are invited get all the sexy men you want". Attract d H K to "bring out the animal instinct mmen" (as if they needed any encouragement), and there is a gallery of pictures of the "happy victims" Attract comes "absolutely free" wilh a S39.99 bottle of their version of a well-known fragrance. Don't say I didn't warn you.

seven scientific steps to success


Scientists have proved beyond all reasonable doubt that nicotine in cigarettes is addictive. Only tobacco companies now argue otherwise. So how do you beat the craving?

SnrWf 1015/11

The most successful techniques are based on Nicotine Replacement Therapy, which uses gum or patches to provide an alternative source of nicotine. This allows the quitter to get used to life without smoking cigarettes before tackling the nicotine addiction. Around 20% of smokers succeed in quitting in this way although it can take a couple of tries before they kick the habit for good. A study published in 1996 promises higher success rates with nicotine patches used in combination with another drug that blocks the effect of nicotine. Scientists say the drug mecomytamine spoils the pleasure of smoking by blocking the reward from nicotine as well as altering the taste of cigarettes. This encourages smokers to give up faster while the nicotine patch prevents the craving. Scientists are now testing a combination patch containing both nicotine and mecamyiamine G e t t i n g fit... Most people find it difficult to keep to an exercise program for more than a few weeks, but there are some nutters, the ones who go jogging in the snow, who seem to be addicted to exercise. Is it simply a matter of willpower or is there

vigorous exercise causes an increase of endorphins in the blood to seven times their natural levels lasting for several hours. Some scientists believe that this rush of endorphins, known as "the body's own painkillers", is responsible for feelings of euphoria after exercise. Psychologists are less sure whether endorphins produce the runner's high" or if it's all simply In the

you feel happy after the gym because of a sense of achievement or because of a dose of endorphins, you're going to be a happier land filter) person if you stick to that exercise plan for at least two months. Why bother atall P With scientists (mostly geneticists) now joining the philosophers. In telling us we have no free will, whafs the point of trying to improve your life? After all, if a predilection for being a couch potato is in your genes, resistance will be futile and probably cause a lot of misery. So the only New Year resolution you can be sure of keeping, is to stop making New Year resolutions you can't keep. That should make you happier immediately. Sarah Tomlin

the golem & other stones

"If the women of Britain were willing to spend more time on their knees," said a leading light of the English Collective of Prostitutes, "most of my members would be out of a job". This reinforces the view that most men would swap their GTIs for a good blow job. Yet it seems to me that fellatio, like water beds or Paul Gascoigne, works much better in theory than in practice. I mean, of the blow jobs you've had, how many were a disappointment? Exactly - both of them. Is this the fault of the fellafrices? I think not. It is the fault of the bloke lying back, staring at the ceiling, musing : "I have very little idea what's going on." Half the attraction of a blow job is being able to see it, and even if women are aware of this, they are touchingly reluctant to pull back your erection like a beer pump. Consequently, visual input usually consists of a bobbing head of hair. Another problem is one of patience. We don't have any. When women are on the receiving end of oral attention, they're quite capable of sprawling there for three quarters of an hour, apparently oblivious that your jaw is hanging off your face, your tongue has terminal cramp and your mouth is drier than a desert mosque. Men, on the other hand, feel that if they are not on the brink of a white-water ride within minutes, there must be something wrong. At which point, most of us tend to hoik the other party up to chest level by their armpits, and plead over-excitement. In reality of course, you're just trying to give the poor girl a break. After all, she can't possibly have been enjoying it, otherwise it wouldn't have been so difficult to get her to do it in the first place. We seem to expect women to be good at this by instinct - but they're not. Why should they be? They're not born knowing how to give head - there isn't a gene for it. If there was, we'd all be in favour of genetic engineering. So, it's a

chap's responsibility to offer advice and encouragement. But giving on-the-job training's embarrassing. If s like when you're in a cab and the driver doesn't seem to be taking the best route. On one hand you feel you ought to say: "Er excuse me. Shouldn't we be heading for Blackfriars Bridge?" but on the other ifs possible you're about to be shown a brilliant knew way you never thought of before. Anyway it would be a little rash to criticise - you've just had your dick down her throat for the past twenty minutes; one wrong word and we become a member of the John Wayne Bobbit club.

A Job Well Done

Then there's another barrier to unselfconscious enjoyment and it's this, if you actually achieve an ARIBA! blowjob, what next? Unless earlier you've had the self-control to pull out of a perfectly good shag with the express intention of getting your whistle blown, you're not going to get any to-and-fro at all. At least, not for half an hour or so. Even worse, she might go to sleep, or get dressed, or leave the country. And if she stays, and remains conscious, what about the satisfaction? Did you have the foresight to make sure she reached the heights before you made a mess of her eyeliner? It all takes so much planning. In the end, to really enjoy a blow job, you have to think more like a woman. You have to have the over confidence to believe that your partner really does like you, and she wants to show you a good time. You have to be selfish enough to tell her what you like and you have to have the patience to wait, enjoy, unfocus, relax. Then, when your mates ask the impertinent question, concerning your girlfriends talents in this area, you can smile enigmatically and say "none of your goddamned business!" And when you split up, give her my number.

a job well done

All in the course of duty, Simon Wistow lifts stones that should have never been touched and reveals the some dark arts...



W h o s e better? god or satan? obviously the net has the answer. First off we checked out their homepages tells us that he was there gives us the rather atheistic view: " D N S Domain is invalid: Host not found, This means that: The named host probably does not exist...." oh dear.. G o d junior does much better however with his own official web page (official with who though?)


Then we tried them at home & "â&#x20AC;˘'aiiS v S ^ ' ^ ^ " " - * unfortunately for all there is no heaven, just hell and ->e**zf$C that's for members only. S o perhaps old beelzebabes is $J v ^ & S & i ' trying to commandeer cyberspace having not done to ir^^r-^wr^i^ good in the real world?... we put it to the test in the deity doorstop challenge. Using a leading brand of search engines we scoured the web for references to our contenders, and look at what we found: search for G o d Returned 833508 matches. search for S a t a n Returned 72505 matches making G o d a clear winner. More religious/fruticake fun can be had on h t t p : / / w w w . q e c m e d i a . c o m / n u n b u n / n u n b u n . h t m l which shows pictures of an old callcuttian woman that looks a bit like a danish pastry. whereas asks that burning question: "Could Noahs Ark Fit all those Animals...?" and answers in a way that beggars belif. May your lord be with you & happy chicken shagging.

'And John

Blood and Ice

Admittedly, i experienced initial doubls about the quality of this production when ! entered the theatre to find an upclose-and-personal atmosphere with the front row literally a foot away from the 'stage' (more like an empty spot of floor). However, as soon as Maty Shelley (Molly GafSfqrd) slipped out of the wings, her haunting expression allayed my fears and I realised that this was no back-alley slip-shod production. So I relaxed and watched the actors .•: superbly unfold the story.

New End Theatre

of her children. While such a colourful cast of characters and intriguing plot basis provide all the ingredients for a fantastic creation, the playwright seems to have neglected one essential element: coherency. Initially, time seems to move at a normal pace.


Unluckily, hat's where things became a bit muddled. Blood and Ice dramatises the interactions between Lord Byron, Percy Bysshe Shelley and Mary Godwin. Perhaps more importantly, the play develops the maddening influences that inspired Mary Shelley to create Frankenstein and consequently succumb to the evil that

Without warning, it then intermittently moves at break-neck speeds, the only indication that the years have suddenly passed being a throw-away reference to something as a trivial as a child's age. Suddenly, the passage of time reverts back to normal. As if that weren't enough to confuse you, the

New End Theatre 27 New End Hampstead until 2nd Feb Tickets: £4-£W Box Office: 0171 794 9963

strange appearances of 'the Creature' in Mary Shelley's dream-world succeed in compounding the problem even more. Perhaps a properly prepared audience member, already versed in the intricacies of the Frankenstein saga, could make more sense of this. Unfortunately, the drama was lost on me.

That is not to say that this is a bad production. Gaisford plays an extremely convincing Mary Shelley, and the other actors skillfully complement her performance. Although I walked away feeling thoroughly entertained for the hour and forty minutes, I couldn't but help but wonder what I had missed. Tracey

ngamant Tamil Society Cultural Show SrrW

wmm m m

For the past three years, the Tamil society's cultural evening has been a popular evening out, in particular for the London Tamil community. It was a colourful sight to see the majority of the female guests in their elegant saris and the Great Hall, although not packed, was filled beyong expectations. Considering how hard the committee had worked, Sangamam promised to outshine all previous attempts, namely Shankarabaranam, Sapthaswaraa and Ponmaalai Pozhuthu. I wasn't let down by these high expectations. The show started with a minute's silence in remembrance of the tragic victims of the civil war in Sri Lanka. Then the entertainment, a superb mixture of traditional and modern dance, music sketches and even a fashion show, got under way. The musicians were particularly impressive. The flautist, Barathan, played from a seemingly endless repertoire of religious music. You forgot that these were supposedly mere science students, barbarians by the standards of most art students, playing the flute and the veena, spiriting you away into a magical world. And in case you were wondering, the veena is a traditional South Indian string instrument.


Hidden talents were revealed when it turned out that some of the students had written the Villupattu, a traditional musical narrative in which a hunting bow is plucked to provide the background rhythm. Life in general and IC in particular were the but of more than one joke. No one was safe from them, not even Nantha with his green hair. Unfortunately, this entire sketch was in Tamil, so I didn't understand a word and probably missed the subtleties. Thank you, Abarna, again for your running translation. From the audience's point of view, the highlight of the evening was the fashion show. The latest designs in Eastern dress were paraded up and down the catwalk to assorted whistles and cheers. After the interval, the Chitralaya Music Group, from outside IC, performed a varied programme. Iwas forced to miss this second part of the evening, but I am told that their performance was popular, although after one and a half hours of music, the audience began to feel a bit restless. All in all, I enjoyed a great evening. Sangamam was aimed at the predominantly Tamil audience, mainly relatives and family friends as far as I could tell, so I didn't always follow everything. Judging by the applause and the catcalls though, the show was a huge success. Added bonus: all the proceeds are being donated to charity! Fmma

'No 1 in America' reads the sticker on the front of the album. This dubious recommendation implies that they must be good. You can imagine asking an MTV junkie American, 'What do you think of British music?' to which he replies, 'Well, I don't like Pulp, and I quite like Oasis, but I just lurve Bush'. Yes it's true - as far as sources can tell. Bush are from a small town just outside Seattle called Brighton, England, and the US are still trying to sell them back to us. Suspicions are confirmed, with the opening salvo and first single 'Personal Holloway', that this Razorblade Suitcase is a burning reflection at the loneliness of life and suburban suicide. 'Paracetamol/ sleep the darkness all away/ And drinking kitchen paint to dye the winter I hope we'll never see again', sings Gavin Rossdale over Soundgarden-esque riffs, and with the voice of a former grunge icon. The anguish continues, 'Do you feel the way you hate/ Do you hate the way you

feel/ Always closer to the flame/ Ever closer to the blade' ('Greedy Fly') or 'Razorblade suitcase/ Tricks of the trade/ Favourite


Razorblade Suitcase

ways you can lose/ Favourite ways you can hate' (from 'Synapse'). And then onto the discordant string arrangements of 'Straight No Chaser' and 'Bonedriven', reminiscent of Smashing Pumpkins efforts. A theme, this album certainly has; even energy can be found, though in sparse quantities; what it lacks though, is any emotion at all. The point when music and lyric fuse together can never be replaced by screaming and whining over loud guitars. So why is it that Bush are so popular across the Atlantic? I expect it's because their albums give people what they want - a grungy amalgam - and offstage they're four stable, good looking boys willing to fulfil promotional duties. (4) Sam

SINGLES beth orton-touch me with your Ignore the dodgytitle and day this. Moody and haunting verymuch in the Portishead vein, and the B-sides are also good,


mmm 170197 KBS-One-word perfect These dark hiphop beats aren't unimpressive but the token gangsta lyrics are becoming a little tiresome. ReddKross Tried and tested guitar pop. Not exactly ground breaking but it plods on quite nicely.

Various Artists ALBUM

Tranced out and Dreaming SINGLES

Various Artists with a title like Tranced blur-beetlebum Out and Dreaming' and a cover illustraNot quite what tion of some aboriginal geezer holding you'd expect, difa spear, some green plant life, a bird ferent, a new experiment Blur and lots of blue blue sky, you can begin to guess what the music is going to be like. Trouble is, you can't tell whether ifll: (a) be any good, or, as the title sugmltgests, (b) send you to sleep. To be fair, the first track, 'Katouka' by Tony Hunt is pleasantly mellow, mixing some tribal vocals with pounding basslines. Unfortunately, the second track did send me to sleep and that was it for the rest of the CD. However, I persevered, and uncovered a couple of gems hidden away in the shape of another Tony Hunt creation, 'Spectral' and the excellent 'Psilodub' from Transequence.

the supematuralsthe day before yesterday's man Britpop's not quite dead yet. More like a cla %J< Blur tune and could have been a hit two years ago. boo radleys-rtde the tiger A velvet voice, with a haunting melody and intriguing lyrics Let if infect vour mind.

These are fine examples of the ancient art of trance music, combining the soothing textures of ambient with the hypnotic hooks and basslines of techno in a very laid back, dare I say, blissed out style. The other highlight is the closing track, another Tony Hunt creation, 'Ionosphere', which, whilst not being as good as the other two of his tracks here, if only for not really fitting into the mould for this collection because of its galloping bassline and uptempo groove, is laden with some fine tunes. The trouble is, that leaves the other five tracks which sound like the aural equivalent of a screensaver. Unobtrusive background music to other activities ...such as sleeping, going out, etc. All in all, a compilation which pretty much fails to live up to its billing. There are some good tracks here, but they are too few in number and not good enough to justify buying the CD.(4) Sid

Tony Ferrino nn ic tn g , H 'I'JiiB Tony Ferrino is nnicoH poised to take over the world! The P h e n o m e n o n Casanova from Portugal has released his debut album amidst much media hype with support from musicians including Mick Hucknell, Kim Wilde and Bjork. This album is bound to do well in the charts. Ferrino's selling point has always been his lyrics. He covers diverse topics such as how to avoid being eaten by Hannibal Lecter, a spiritual look at life and, of course, his 3910 'conquests.' They're comic up-beat and deserve special attention. Ferrino is a pompous Portuguese 'superstar' portrayed by the very funny Steve Coogan. Coogan, creator of Alan Partridge; Chat-show host from Hell, has returned to form after his less than successful TV series 'Coogan's Run.' Ferrino shows all the hallmarks of an egotistical performer who has come to believe that the World depends on him. All of this makes for a amusing character and an enjoyable CD. The album contains his '1980 eurovision song contest winner' - Papa Bendi, allegedly a coded message to his Carlos the Jackal; And 'Stuttering Sadie from Stuttgarf, a song about a girl, called Sadie from Stuttgart who has a facial tick. (Only stuttering scanned better than facial tick.) Musically the album consists of pop in the Tom Jones theme with a variety of sambas and ballads thrown in. All in all ifs very easy to listen to and great fun. If you are a fan of Coogan in his other guises then you are sure to like this, and if you are not, well, it might just convert you. I'm sure we'll see more from Tony, as he knows, even if no one else does, ifs his job to bring pleasure to the masses. (7) Dave



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from this trio of Riot Grhl Survivors but it has " bei ore• MICHAEL

The Brat Awards

Best solo artist: Beck, Bjork, Alanis Morissette, Tricky, Paul Weller.

You have all heard of the Brit Awards, whether you agree with them or not, they are the music industry's way of acknowlSINGLES edging successful artists. Well, over the tagga and the Jack last six years a certain music paper has magic orchestra- decided to host its own alternative verwhere are they sion of this ceremony known as the Brat now? Awards which unfortunately seems to A brooding become more like the Brits as each year melancholy track goes by. with a singer simThis year sees the emergence of The ilar to Polly Prodigy as the most nominated band, Harvey. hardly suprising after having two number ones in a row that your parents definitely would not understand when sitting in front of the TV watching Top of The Pops. Your regular crop of indie and Britpop SFTW stars are also nominated with Suede, 1075/1 Kula Shaker, The Monies and of course, Oasis have a fair share of the other nominations. A few of the nominees are listed 170196 below. erasure-in my aims A fairly mediocre offering from these purveyors of pop. Disappointingly uncatchy.

Best LP: Ash, '1977'; Kula Shaker, X'; Manic Street Preachers, 'Everything Must Go'; Suede, 'Coming Up'; Super Furry Animals, 'Fuzzy Logic'. (Felix's Album of the year was the Manic's)

Best live act: AC/DC, Manic Street Preachers, Oasis, The Prodigy, Suede. Best musical event: The Jarvis Cocker/Michael Jackson incident at the Brit Awards, Oasis at Knebworth, The Phoenix Festival, The Reading Festival, T In The Park.

dustball-senoi nachos A very heavy metalish start that leads to a powerful punky song that hurtles along at breakneck speed. JASON

Best dance act: The Chemical Brothers.Orbital, The Prodigy,Tricky,Underworld.

Band of the year: Kula Shaker, Manic Street Preachers, Oasis, Pulp, Suede.


i g| . n





charlatans, 'One To

Another"; Manic Street Preachers, 'A Design For Life'; Oasis, 'Don't Look Back In Anger'Jhe Prodigy, 'Firestarter'; Suede, Trash'.


There are a few Brat Award gigs being held at The Astoria for a two week stretch starting on the 19th of January with a number of diverse line ups. If you don't get a chance to go, no need to worry, you can read about them over the next few weeks. Jason

Want a job next summer? I n the U S A or Canada? You choose the job. We make it happen. Work America <& Work Canada

ORIENTATION tells you everything you need to know to apply

Date: Time: N.B. Lasts 2 hours. Sorry, latecomers not admitted


Thursday 23rd January 6.30 pm Clore Lecture Theatre, Maths All students welcome./ Why not come along and find out about work and travel opportunities in the USA and Canada. Tel (0171) 251 3472, or contact Andrew Westhead Maths I I I a.westhead@ic

™ # I N K 3 l W W O FACE5 Barbara Streisand returns to movie territory once more producing, directing, Virgin Fulham Rd and starring in The Mirror has Two £6.20. £4 students Faces. Jeff Bridges is Gregory Larkin, a mathMon-Fri ematics Professor at Columbia Sleepers University, who after several lustful yet 12.05 3.05 6.05 9.05 loveless relationships, has concluded Evita that sex can only cause pain and chaos 12.20 3-15 6.20 9.15 The Star Maker and so decides to seek a 'companion' whom he finds intellectually stimulating 1.50 4.30 6.50 9.30 101 Dalmations but sexually unattractive. He places an ad and through contrived circum1.20 3.40 6.10 8.30 Surviving Picassostances he meets Rose Morgan (Streisand], whomhe mistakenly believes 12.30 320 6.10 900 to is an advocate of 'courtly love' when in fact she really longs for passion, but she goes a long with his formula for SFTW happiness and even marries him 1075/1 believing that she can change his theory with time. On the other hand she sees her sister (Mimi Rogers), whose 138187 marriage to equally beautiful and equally shallow Pierce Brosnan is falling Odeon apart. However, when Gregory's attiKensington tude fails to change and he remains £6.30. £3.70 determined to stay celibate, she is before 5pm forced to leave him, which predictably Monday-Friday leads him re-evaluate their relationship. Evita As romantic comedies go this has 12.15 315 6.15 9.15 considerably more depth and complexiLNSFri/Sat 12.15 ty than your average bit of romantic fluff, Matilda given that it does also explores the Sat. Sun 1.30 4.00 The Preacher's modern myths of beauty and Wife sex and how 1 00 3.50 6 930 LNS they complicate Fri/Sat 12 20 relationships. The Long Kiss Don't let this Goodnight scare you off 940 LNS Fr/Sa 12.25 though for it all Sleepers handled in 2 25 5.40 8 55 such an amusLNS Fri/Sat 12.10 ing an integratJingle all the Way ed manner that Sat/Sun 12.15 2.25 it isn't intrusive, Cinema Guide


although it does reduce several of the characters, Brosnan, Rogers, and to some extent Bacall, to being onedimensional stereotypes. Fortunately, Bacall (as Rose's domineering mother) has enough screen presence to carry herself well beyond the limits of her role and even tends to steal all the scenes that she appears in. Luckily for Brosnan as well, he is never required to be anything other than the rich, handsome smoothie that he plays so well. Streisand is appropriately cast as the ugly-duckling trying to escape the shadow of her mother and sister, but the background that she brings to the part sits uncomfortably with her characters submissiveness and thus her transformation towards the end is not altogether unexpected. Bridges conforms to the Hollywood stereotype of a passionate lecturer but who can't invest the same passion in his students. This of course leads to the excruciatingly cliched scene where he makes the breakthrough. Although this passion and zealously works well for the main romantic storyline it does jar a bit in the teaching scenes. Streisand directs with a light touch and allows her actors a fair degree of freedom to perform and whilst this tends to destabilise the film somewhat, it nevertheless makes it entertaining. Thus, The Mirror has Two Faces is an amusing romantic comedy with surprising depth and this combined with some fine performances raises this above many films of this | type. spooky

With a cast like this, one would expect Sleepers to deliver, and this it does. In the mid 1960s a prank by four kids growing up in Hell's Kitchen New York goes tragically wrong and puts them in reform school. There they are brutally beaten and raped, under the leadership of a sadistic guard Sean Noakes (Kevin Bacon). The story then jumps forward twenty years. Two of the boys, Tommy (Billy Crudup) and John (Ron Eldard) have become hardened hitmen and drug addicts while, of the other two Lorenzo (Jason Patric) has become a reporter and the other Michael (Brad Pitt) has become an assistant district attorney. By sheer chance the two hitmen come across Noakes in a bar one day an not surprisingly blow him away. They are arrested and put on trial and Michael sees this as a chance to revenge themselves on the other guards the reform school itself. He devises a plan whereby he prosecutes and defends his two friends, by use of a stooge defence lawyer (Dustin Hoffman), so as to manipulate the whole trial to both acquit his friends and expose what happened at the Wilkinson Home for Boys. With the help of an aging mafia don all the pieces begin to fall into place, except that a credible witness needs to place the killers elsewhere at the time of the shooting. For this they need a local priest (Robert De Niro) who has known the boys all their lives but he question remains if he is

willing to swear to God and lie to save 101 Dalmatloas the real killers. 11.45 2.10 4.40 7.10 Despite the presence of Hoffman The Mirror has and De Niro, it is the young actor who Two Faces are required to carry much of the film. 12.40 3.35 6.30 9.25 Surprisingly perhaps Pitt takes a second LKS Frl/Sat 12.20 place role to Patric in the second half of Shine the film, as the whole story is told 1.50 4.25 7.00 9 45 I.NS through Patric. The first half, however, Fri/Sat 12.20 belongs to the four relatively unknown young actors who probably have the Chelsea Cinema more difficult job of portraying the hor£7, £4 concession rors of the reform school. De Niro, the (1st perf. only) only character present throughout, is his Shine usual tough-guy self except this time 1.50 4.05 6.25 8.45 he's a priest, but his fairly limited role never stretches him. Hoffman does even less as an inept, substanceSFTWI addicted lawyer whose only role is to ask the questions he's been told to ask. Patric, in his first high profile role for a while, carries the bulk of the plot 170197 admirably, and Pitt in contrast to many of his recent roles has to assert himself Minema from a relatively small role. £6.50, £4.50 The director Barry Levinson, never lets Matinees Mon-Fri the stars dominate and doesn't get Surviving Picasso sidetracked by sub-plots. The trial, 3.30 6.00 (Not today) which form the majority of the latter half, 830 is a relatively low-key affair, unlike recent trial film like A Time to Kill, which Virgin Chelsea concentrates the emotional aspects of £6.20. £4 students the film and prevents showmanship of Mon-Fri taking over. The Mirror has


Thus, Sleepers is a taught, intelligent film, filled with good performances and a thoughtful script. spooky

Two faces 1.10 3.55 6.35 9.15


Alex Ferguson - The First Ten Years


mmm "SOWS

On the 17th of November 1996, Alex Ferguson took over a football club languishing in 19th place in what was then the First Division, and who hadn't won the league title since the sixties. The club, of course, was Manchester United.

throughout the book. As well as big money purchases, Alex also describes the chaos he found in the club's youth system, and how he built order, along with what he describes as his best signing, Bryan Kidd.

This book traces the ten years over which Alex Ferguson has transformed every part of the operation of what is perhaps the most famous football club in the world.

Of course, all this is wonderful if, like me, you just happen to be a Manchester United fanatic, and would gladly turn up every day to throw petals before his feet. This is really the sort of book that, if you're like me, you will love, with ifs

It begins with his achievements as a player at Glasgow Rangers, and then as a manager at, among other clubs, Aberdeen, where he broke the "Old Firm" grip on Scottish Football. Moving through the first few seasons of his reign brought back a lot of memories for me. The side showed some promise, but never really achieved noteworthy results. It was not long before the average fan had had enough, and I was among them. The FA cup win against Crystal Palace in 1990 saved his job, and it was only then that the hard work behind the scenes began to pay off. Alex gives his own in-depth analysis of his dealings in the transfer market, along with some amusing and nostalgic anecdotes of his efforts to sign players. This culminates with, of course, a lengthy section on Eric Cantona, and his respect for the player is greatly evident


memories of the club, the trials and tribulations behind the scenes and it's excellent photos, plus complete results for the club under his reign. It is unfortunate however, that some people in this world like other football teams, some people in-fact (knees quivering) like rugby, and some don't like sport at all. This book is not for you, ifs for US. I've taken two marks off because there's no index, and worse still, in the 9192 team photograph, good old inept Mike Phelan, clearly standing between Andrei Kanchelskis and Steve Bruce, isn't even listed in the squad. For the man in the street who clearly couldn't give two shits, 1/10, for those of us who know a better class of football, 8/10. United have done it again - this book's a great result. Paul Slone



Ham - 7pm Art'97: London Contemporary Art Fair Professional show of contemporary oils,

bronzes and sculpture. Business Design Centre, 52 Upper Street. Undground: Angel. Concessions price: £3.50. Along the Thames Pub Walk Blackfriars (exit 3). Phone 0171 624 3978.

FrMay17thJanuary Diary Dafcs lpm Hamsoc (Regular) Top Floor, Union Building lpm Photo Soc (Regular) Southside Lounge 1.10pm Islamic Soc (Regular) Friday Prayer, Southside Gym. (Brothers and Sisters) 1.15pm Labour CLub (Regular) Southside upper Lounge 5.30pm Fitness Club (Regular) STEP Aerobics (advancedl, Southside Gym 7.30pm Irish Society Pub. Meet at the Queen's Gate entrance

to the Huxley Building. Everybody welcome Errts Laughs a plenty with the Bust-a-Gut Comedy Club with tonight's guests Ed Byrne "a masterpiece of carefully pitched comedy", & Chris Addison. Plus Open Mic slot. All this comedy for just £2.50 / £2 with entscards. Then get your hands in the area for the club nirvana which is Hedonizm. Plus cocktail bar & chill-out room. Free before 9 & £1 after. Free Women's Minibus Service First run at 12.00 midnight Last run at Union closing time

Eight Day Guide





6pm Leibnitz, Quantum Physics and the ageless wisdom The Theosophical Society, 50 Gloucester

Place, W1. Underground: Baker Street. Talk by Edi Bilimoria: 'Many of the greatest discoveries of science were anticipated by the greatly intuitive philosipher Leibnitz by 200 years." £4, concessions £3.

Sundayl9thJanuanr Diary Dafes 12:30pm Standing Room Only The biggest games on the biggest screen .. Arsenal v Everton. Da Vinci's tpm Wargames (Regular) 2 pm Fitness Club (Regular) Aerobics (intermediate), Southside Gym

L o n d o n GUi<te 6.30pm Great Victorian Collectors Linnaean Society Lecture Room, Burlington House, Piccadilly, Wl. Underground: Piccadilly. £6, concessions £5.

2 pm The Literary London Meet Russell Square Underground Station. £4.50, concessions £3.50. Phone 0181 688 4019 for details.

Mond8y20thJ3nu3«ry Diary Dafcs 12.30pm Artsoc (Regular) SCR, Union Building 12.30pm Ski Club Meeting (Regular! Southside Upper Lounge 12.30pm Fitness Club (Regular) Circuit Training, Southside Gym 2 pm Deadline for Diary, Soc. Pages 5pm Standing Room Only The biggest games on the biggest screen ..

West Ham v Leeds. Da Vinci's 5.30pm Fitness Club (Regular) Aerobics (beginners!, Southside Gym 6pm IC Methsoc (Regular) All faiths welcome. Basement 10 Princes' Gardens. 6.30pm Fitness Club (Regular) Aerobics (intermediate), Soulhside Gym 7.30pm IC Sinfonia (Regular) Greal Hall, All players welcome

Tuesday21stJanuary Diary Dafcs 12pm Cothsoc (Regular) Mass and lunch, Leon Bagrit Centre, Lvl 1 Mech Eng 12pm - 2pm 'Fair Trade Stall (Regular) Union Building Foyer. Fairly traded goods for sale. Stationary, Coffee, Tea & Chocolate 12.15 Yoga Soc (Regular) Yoga Classes, Southside Gym 12.30pm African-Caribbean Soc (Regular) Weekly meeting, Rm G02, Materials dept. RSM 12.30pm Parachute Club(Regular) Southside Upper Lounge lpm Audio Soc (Regular) Brown Committee Room, Union Building 1pm Yacht Club Meeting (Regular) Physics Lecture Theatre 3, Lvl 1. 1pm AstroSoc The Cluster Mission" - a talk by Prof. A. Balogh. Lecture Theatre 3, Level 1 Physics,

e-mail 3pm Pakistan Soc (Regular) Basketball in the Union Gym, anyone welcome 5pm Circus Skills Soc (Regular) Table Tennis Room, Union Building 5.30pm Radio Modellers Club MechEng Main Workshop (Rm 109), e-mail 5.30pm Fitness Club (Regular) Aerobics (advanced), Southside Gym 6pm Bridge Club (Regular) Clubs Committee Room, Union Building 7.30pm IQ (Regular) Brown Committee Room, Union Building 8pm ICCAG (Regular) Soup Run for the hornless Meet Weeks Hall Basement 8pm Bar Trivia Win Win Win ! A total no-lose situation ... Davinci's . ÂŁ50 or a crate of lager can be yours - free to enter.


Wednesday22ndJanuary Diary Dafes 12.45pm Sporting Motorcycle Club (Reg) Southside Upper Lounge lpm Wargames (Regular) Table Tennis Room, Union Building 1pm IC Rifle and Pistol Club (Regular) Join up and shoot. Check on range door for deatils about safety induction, Sports Centre 1pm Fitness Club (Regular) Aerobics (beginner/intermediate), Southside Gym lpm ConSoc The Rt Hon Peter Lilley MP visits IC, Rm 542 Mech.Eng, email 2pm Photo Soc Lessons, Darkroom

5 pm Fitness Club (Regular) STEP Aerobics (intermediate!, Southside Gym 6pm Orienteering Club Training in Union Gyw. All welcome. 6.30pm Chess Club (Regular) Club and Brown Committee Room, Union 3rd Floor 7pm Shaolin Kung Fu Nam Pai Chuan Beginners Welcome, Souhside Gym 7.30pm IC Symphony Orchestra(Regular) Great Hall 8pm - 1am Frolix. Don't fight it feel it.. Party tunes for party people., free Free Women's Minibus Service First run at 12.00 midnight Last run at Union closing time

Eight Day Guide

i nursnayztirujaniiary Diary Daf es 12pm Amnesty international (Regular) Southside Upper Lounge, e-mail s.trivedi or 12.30pm Fitness Club (Regular) Body Toning (beginners), Southside Gym lpm Consoc Meeting (Regular) Southside Upper Lounge 1pm Fell Wanderers (Regular) Southside Upper Lounge 1pm Gliding Club Room 266 Aero. Eng. (follow signs from aeor foyer. 1.10pm RAG Meeting (Regular)

dB's 5.00pm Exploration Society Imperial College Internet Expedition to the Amazon Rainforest. Free to members, 50p to non members. W2/W3 Biology, (Beit arch). 5.30pm Fitness Club (Regular) Aerobics (intermediate), Southside Gym 6.15pm IC Choir Rehearsals (Regular) New Members Welcome, Mech Eng 342 8pm ICCAG (Regular) Soup Run for the homeless Meet Weeks Hall Basement 5pm - 11pm Cocktail Night. Sophistication in a glass .. DaVinci's Happy Hour prices all night. 5-11.

Friday24thJanuary Diary Dafcs lpm Hamsoc (Regular) Top Floor, Union Building lpm Photo Soc (Regular) Southside Lounge 1.10pm Islamic Soc (Regular) Friday Prayer, Southside Gym. (Brothers and Sisters) 1.15pm Labour CLub (Regular) Southside upper Lounge 5.30pm Fitness Club (Regular)

STEP Aerobics (advanced), Southside Gym 9pm - 2amEnts Those pesky indie kids return ... Common People with live music from Satellite, & all your favourite indie type sounds, plus chillout room, free before 9/ÂŁl after. Free Women's Minibus Service First run at 12.00 midnight Last run a1 Union closing time

Eight Day Guide

As tradition goes, you can really only have one annual New Year trip, so we'll have to wait a whole year to follow up our fine adventure in the Lake District. From our headquarters, a youth hostel in Langdale, we set out on a host of grand walks including the Langdale Pikes and Fairfield horseshoe. With a bit of snow and ice, and even some sunshine at times, the high peaks looked magnificent. The wildest expedition started before sunrise on New Year's Eve when Sam, Paul, James and Oily (map reader from Hell) set out for England's highest patch of land. Scafell Pike was conquered with several other fells, all with glorious visibility but against fiercely cold winds. We were glad to be getting down to a valley, but mysteriously we ended up in the Happy New Year from the Yoga Society. Why not take up yoga this year? Yoga society meets every Tuesday at 12.15pm to 1.45pm, in the Southside gym, opposite the Southside Shop. The classes are taken by our teacher Nieve, a professional and experienced instructor accredited by the British Wheel of Yoga. Each week, she takes us through a series of stretching and balancing poses, and ends with a period of deep relaxation. The main focus is on breathing, and the body is never forced or strained. Our classes are very flexible: You are welcome to come along and try a class whenever you like, and after that, it is up to you how often you return.


middle of nowhere. Fast approaching the end of 1996 we eventually got back just in time to welcome 197 with a stirring five verse rendition of Auld Lang Syne. Only a few of us were mad enough for a celebratory paddle. As you might expect, 1997 started quietly, but there is no end to the forthcoming excitement. Join us in Southside Lounge on Thursday at lpm to find out more.

Obviously Yoga is more beneficial if practiced regularly, but you'll already notice improvements after you first few classes. You'll feel more relaxed and refreshed, and you'll become stronger, healthier and more supple. The membership fee for the Year is £3 and weekly classes cost just £1.50 (or £2 for non-members). Everyone is welcome, and everyone can benefit from Yoga. I look forward to seeing you soon. For further information contact Sarah Turner, e-mail

This book, as the name suggests, is a



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