November 19, 2010

Judgement [juhj-muh nt] -noun

Crazy drivers cause chaos See Page 10

1. the forming of an opinion, estimation, notion, or conclusion, as from circumstances presented to the mind.

Thrones of the Castle: a royal review

See page 12

See Page 7

The Royal Banner

Fairview High School

Vol. 51 No.4

1515 Greenbriar Blvd. Boulder, CO 80305

Friday, November 19, 2010

Then Tuke’s bass came in and Weimer’s drums exploded...

Senior, Taylor Tuke, strums his bass while belting out lyrics. Joey Briggs, senior, in the background playing guitar. STORY on PAGE 8 (ELI BOONIN-VAIL).

Student novelists take on NanoWrimo

By LINDSAY SANDOVAL

You would think Emma Purcell is a jazz pianist, the way she furiously types away on the keyboard of her home computer.

Only 42,000 more words and 22 days to go.

Each year, a select group of students take on the epic literary challenge of NaNoWriMo, an abbreviation for National Novel Writing Month. Participants must write 50,000 words of original content to enter a long list of “winners” on the organization’s website. If the writers achieve the quota, they have an approximate 175 page manuscript in their hands, about the length of a short novel.

“It is our choices, [Knights], that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.”

- Albus Dumbledore

Continued on Page 2

Pottermania begins on page 1a.

Principal Stensrud presides over the Castle (KUMAR).

Royal Banner Friday, November 19, 2010

2

News

Prolific writers in midst of ultimate literary test From Cover The tradition started in 1999 and has since grown to a national phenomenon.

According to the NaNoWriMo website, last year “wrimos” wrote over 2.4 billion words, and 19 percent of candidates reached the word count goal, the highest success rate ever.

The task is undoubtedly daunting, yet Fairview boasts a robust NaNoWriMo community.

Purcell likes the unstructured method of writing. Although the average word count per day is 1667, she plans to write the bulk of her novel during Thanksgiving Break. The plot does not have to be very cohesive, either.

The challenge “is just really fun,” said Purcell. “It’s nice to create something that no one looks at.”

Corinne Keston-Smith, senior, echoed the liberating sensation of writing a novel in a month. The prolific approach of NaNoWriMo forces writers to “develop ideas” instead of agonizing over style. The process helps participants “explore their creativity,” she said.

The style of writing is very exploratory, an ideal for future writers.

NaNoWriMo “takes you in different places,” stated Keston-Smith.

Many students use the laborious process as a means to escape the monotony of everyday life. Hannah Bessett, taking on NaNoWriMo for the first time as a senior, said she simply needed a mental break this year.

So far, writing has been very therapeutic for Bessett. “I really like to write,” she said, “and it’s kind of what I do to relax.”

And you thought writing a 1500 word essay was impossible.

Senior and NaNoWriMo participant Emily Paliszewski poses with her hand-written manuscript (STAN WHITCOMB).

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Royal Banner Friday, November 19, 2010

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10-11 Staff

Editorial Board

Co-Editor-In-Chief Rani Kumar Co-Editor-In-Chief Nellie Quinn

Section Editors News Emily Sandoval

Opinions Tristan Hill Features Rachel Joyce Entertainment Eli Boonin-Vail Co-Sports Alec Pronk Co-Sports Matt Sparkman In-Depth Lindsay Sandoval Assistant In-Depth Caroline Kruger Copy Editing Janet Chen, Vally Dikovitskaya

Photography

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Staff Reporters

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Myres, Ryan Patterson, Paige Reisman, Justin Song, Jenelle

Winter, Miah Yager

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Heat belongs solely on CU administration, not Bohn

By MATT SPARKMAN

The Royal Banner

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The Royal Banner Newspaper is a 12 to 24 page newspaper. The

Banner is written primarily for the approximately 2000 students attending Fairview High School and is distributed free of charge to all members of the school community.

Letters to the Editor: The Royal Banner encourages reader response and will print all signed, non-libelous letters. All letters must be signed at the time of arrival. All letters are subject to revision for spelling, grammar, paragraphing and length. This publication is an open forum and encourages all readers to contribute their opinions.

We ask that letters be between 200 and 300 words. Send letters to: The

Royal Banner, Fairview High School, 1515 Greenbriar Blvd., Boulder, CO 80305 or e-mail us at: royalbanner10@gmail.com Accurate reporting of fact is the goal of the staff. Commentaries, opinion columns and letters to the editor are the expressed opinion of the author and not of The Royal Banner and its Editorial Board or its adviser. *Disclaimer: Under Colorado law, no expression made by students in the exercise of free speech or freedom of the press shall be deemed to be an expression of school policy. No school district, employee, legal guardian or official of such a district shall be held liable in any criminal action for any expression made or published by a student. The Royal Banner sells advertisements for publicity and to pay for printing costs. We reserve the right to refuse to run any advertisement deemed inappropriate to the Fairview community.

Sports

Now that AthAnalysis letic Director Mike Bohn has sent Dan Hawkins packing, it’s time for Buffs’ fans and buffoons in the local media to quit criticizing Bohn.

The fact is it’s difficult to win at Colorado - in any high revenue sport. There is simply not enough money to go around at CU. It starts at the top - in government. The state of Colorado ranks in the bottom ten in the nation in higher education spending. It’s hard for an already left leaning administration to spare any money for athletics. Also, Colorado state law dictates that public institutions of higher learning are only allotted six contracts to use on its employees. That hurts when competing with a school that offers long term job security for its assistants.

Schools like Oregon and Oklahoma State are able to stay highly competitive because they have billionaire alumni contributing millions upon millions of dollars to their respective programs. Oil tycoon T. Boone Pickens donated $165 million to Oklahoma State in 2008. Those are dollar signs Bohn and the athletic administration can only dream of.

Fans who constantly expect a winning football team should get real. Until the administration decides that athletics are worth their time, expect more football coaches that make under a million dollars a year.

Pundits say that Bohn’s fate should be tied to Hawkins. This notion is ridiculous. While Bohn’s hir-

a national search for the next right person to lead the football program.

He should interview Air Force’s Troy Calhoun, Minnesota Vikings running backs coach, former Buff Eric Bieniemy, and Bill McCartney, who led the Buffs to their national championship in 1990. He should try his hardest to get interviews from LSU coach Les Miles and former NFL coach Jon Gruden. Then he should hire the best man for the job, which will most likely end up being McCartney.

But Bohn and the coaches he hires will continue to flounder until the administration escapes the mindset that athletics are the sole reason academic institutions lose their reputation. They need to spend monMike Bohn addresses the media (WIKIMEDIA ey on athletics because the fact is COMMONS). that having a good football or basing record isn’t exactly stellar, his in- ketball team is great free advertising valuable fundraising skills make him for a school. Dan Hawkins couldn’t a treasure for the university. He has get it done, partially because he was increased what meager amounts the incompetent and partially because university gives to athletics, and has when he tried to recruit with the played a big role in the turn-around best, the opposing schools had betof the men’s basketball program, and ter facilities and commitment to exthe construction of the basketball/ cellence than Colorado. Until that volleyball practice facility. changes, CU fans should keep their Bohn should - and will - conduct expectations low.

Ski season begins with a bang

By BRETT MATISSEN

Hey there, skiers and snowboarders. It is exciting to share with you that within the next month, over 10 ski areas will be opening. On November 5th, Keystone and Copper Mountain opened with top to bottom terrain. Both of the ski areas provided beginner and intermediate terrain. However, no Advanced or Expert terrain is open. Also, with the help of our good friend Mother Nature, who generously gave Keystone 29 inches of snow in the month of October, they have been able to open more terrain a lot quicker than last year.

Also, be sure to check out Warren Miller’s new movie. It will be in the state of Colorado until November 14th. This year, it will feature ski racer Lindsey Vonn and free skier and Boulder native, Chris Anthony.

Over the summer, two of Colorado’s mountains made big changes.

At Arapahoe Basin, the old Exhibition Chair was replaced this year after its 30 year life at Arapahoe Basin.

It was swapped with a brand new High Speed Quad this year with the branding of the Black Mountain Express. The only other improvement

that took place is the replacement of the High Noon Chair (Chair 5) at Vail Ski Resort to a new High Speed Quad chairlift branded the High Noon Express, keeping the chair 5 status. In other skiing news, Vail Resorts, parent company of Vail, Keystone, Beaver Creek, Breckenridge, and Heavenly, absorbed another ski area into its family. Northstar at Tahoe was welcomed into the group of elite resorts on October 25th. Along with the addition of Northstar at Tahoe, its sister resort, Sierra at Tahoe became a new affiliate member of Vail Resorts. What does this mean?

For skiers or boarders who have the Colorado Pass, five days will be added to the pass for use at either Heavenly Ski Resort or Northstar at Tahoe with restricted dates. Completely unrestricted access to all 7 of the Vail Resorts (Beaver Creek, Breckenridge, Heavenly, Keystone, Northstar at Tahoe, Sierra at Tahoe, and Vail) and Arapahoe Basin will be added to the Epic Pass. The Epic Pass got that much more epic.

Vail Resorts made an awesome new application. It is known as the Epic Mix which is only available directly from the Vail website (www. vail.com). This new app will track

how many days you go up throughout the year via the syncing system.

This allows the actual season pass to sync with the Epic Mix app on your iPod or iPhone. It will also say what ski conditions are like, how long the lift lines are, and the best places to ski.

Definitely something to know! Also, some recommended apps if you have an iPhone or iPod would be iTrailMap, The North Face Ski Report, and The Ski Report by PowerBar. For the first two reviews of the 2010-2011 ski season, it is a great pleasure to announce that the first trips were a success! The snow was great at Keystone and Arapahoe Basin, the weather was nice and the sun shown bright. Believe it or not, there were very few icy spots, seeing as how many skiers there were. The ski areas were excited to announce that they are rapidly opening terrain and are hoping that they can get as much open as soon as possible. Be sure to look for the newest review in the next Royal Banner. Until then, Happy Shredding!

Royal Banner Friday, November 19, 2010

Sports

Athletes of the future These outstanding underclassmen athletes will lead the Knights into the future.

Eric Kronenberg

Kyle Lund

Bryan Windsor

Cory Munsch

Isabelle Kennedy

Cole Scheifele

Haley Todacheene

Kevin Wolforth

5

Soccer star reflects on career

By SOREN FRYKHOLM

I’ll be perfectly honest: I don’t think there could have been a more painful way to end my soccer career as a Knight than losing to Boulder in the state playoffs. I can’t describe the pain I felt letting down the dozens of friends and family cheering me on, or the disappointment I found in myself upon realizing that I had just blown my last chance of winning what has been my dream since I was little - a state championship.

At the end of the day, though, I can’t help but remember that sooner or later everything good comes to an end. I can choose to dwell on individual mistakes, bad calls, or the disappointment of the Boulder game - but I would rather be grateful for all the successes and chemistry that blessed our season.

At the beginning of the year, we were a team losing nearly ten seniors and not even expecting to make playoffs. Not only did we penetrate the playoff bracket just as deeply as we ever have in my years at Fairview, but we did so with Fairview’s highest-ever seed. We set a Fairview goalscoring record of 57 goals, finishing with 12 wins, and did so starting only four seniors and as many as five underclassmen.

But what really defined our season and our team was the chemistry and the character. I’m proud to have been part of such a special band of brothers. Not one person lost inspiration or pointed the finger at someone else when the road got tough, but instead worked harder, every day of the season, as we strove towards our collective goal of being the hardestworking, most dedicated team in the state. We played with class, integrity, and a deep respect for each other. The team

I was privileged to play with this year was different than any other that I have experienced, and I am truly grateful for every member on the team who made our run possible. To the seniors: Phil, Eddie, Walter, Seth, Michael, Peyton, Tobias, and Jared- I love you guys, and I’ll never forget this special season.

But now that our time wearing the Red and White is over, the eyes of Fairview can look to the future. Next year’s team will be perhaps the best it has been in years, with leadership coming from Amos Nash, Derek Machalek, Matt Ginley-Hidinger, Dustin Levine, Oliver Gerland, and the ever-terrifying Shane O’Neill. They look to the underclassmen including Eric Kronenberg, Bryan Windsor, Jackson Wojo, Charlie Bowers, Jack Mayfield, Enda O’Neill and Joel Frykholm to fill the holes left by the departing seniors.

It’s been a great year, and I have no regrets about anything. Thanks so much to the fans that came out to support us nearly every game. Even though Fairview won’t always win on the scoreboard (it would be unfair if we did), as far as I’m concerned, we have the coolest, classiest, and best-looking fans around.

Finally, my thanks go out to Stan Jozwiak, who reached thirty years of coaching young men and women at Fairview with the completion of this season. I will remember him not only by his legacy of successful soccer teams, but by the relationships he has taken the time to build with every player over the years. Stan’s wisdom is not limited to the field, but presents itself everyday through his challenge to all of us to be the best citizens that we can.

What was your favorite part of the season?

BW: Winning the Arapahoe game in penalty kicks.

AF: My favorite part was beating the other teams!

KL: Being able to run with my friends was really great.

CS: Scoring a touchdown against Boulder was the best part for me.

EK: Scoring a goal against Boulder - I dreamed about it, and it actually happened.

Alex Flynn

Paige Lindgren

Eli Winegardner

Photos and interviews by Megan DeBruyn & Paige Reisman

What are your hopes for when you are the upperclassmen?

CM: I want to be the very best at Fairview and be recruited by Oregon University.

IK: [My goal] is basically to keep running well.

HT: I hope that when I’m a senior our team will make it to state.

KW: I will try to make it fun just like the upperclassmen did this year. I will try to be a good leader.

PL: I will show leadership and hopefully keep improving on a personal level.

EW: I just hope to win state.

Royal Banner Friday, November 19 2010

6

Secret By: Banner Staff The following are real secrets anonymously submitted by Fairview High School students. They are inspired by the website postsecret.com, where people from all over the country send in their private thoughts. New secrets can be found on the site every Sunday.

* Stop by the library to see more secrets collected by the Gay Straight Alliance.

Diversity panel highlights unique Fairview students

By JANET CHEN Diversity is often difficult to understand. Sometimes, diversity goes by, unnoticed, and other times, it is misunderstood. The Diversity Panel, however, is a unique opportunity that has been giving many students insight into the diversity present at Fairview.

Nearly 6 years ago, after hearing people say that Fairview had no diversity, Diane Brumfitt and Rose Lupinacci started the Diversity Panel. The panel has been presenting to freshmen seminar classes for several years now.

“Many people have a very fixed view of what Fairview students are like,” says Lupinacci. “Fairview students are generally characterized as white, and upper middle class.”

But the truth is that Fairview has a much more diverse student population than people often think.

“Diversity means a lot more than what you may think. People often just think of race, but diversity encompasses a lot more. LGBT, disabilities, experiences, and responsibilities are all examples of diversity that we hope to reveal to students,” says Diane Brumfitt.

Lupinacci and Brumfitt explain that although everybody has stories, many of

us don’t know about or understand the stories that people are walking around with. Much of the diversity at Fairview is unnoticed because many of these stories are never told. The Diversity Panel allows diverse students to finally have the opportunity to present their stories.

In addition to providing insight to students about the diversity present at school, the panel is also beneficial to the presenters as well. Brumfitt and Lupinacci explain that the panel gives diverse students the chance to not only enlighten others about their experiences, but to also make other students aware of the insensitivity that is often unintentionally exhibited toward diverse students.

“For example, when people say that something is ‘gay,’ they often don’t realize that they’re hurting someone,” says Lupinacci. “The panel gives the presenters a chance to make others aware that sometimes, they offend others without even realizing it.”

Although the panel does make students aware of the diversity present at Fairview, Brumfitt and Lupinacci say that one of its most important goals is to allow students to realize that ultimately, it’s not about their differences, but about their similarities.

The Daily Prophet

The evil Bellatrix Lastrange opened the walls of Azkaban to release the prisoners clamoring for escape (RANI KUMAR).

Bellatrix Lestrange

Bellatrix Lastrange (Sarah DiGiacomo), a known supporter of He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named (RANI KUMAR).

unleashes prisoners from Azkaban

“The Boy Who Lived”, documentary threatens secrecy of wizarding world

They be ga n

dents began arriving around 8:00 PM last night.

S i n c e Student

Mitch Berens, who planned the school-wide event, saw the opportunity to make the film a school-wide event as an excellent way

m

Council rented two theatres from Cinemark, there was a specific line for members of the Fairview community. In this line, students answered trivia questions (Harry Potter ones, of course!) and won can-

movie last night.

Po p u l a r costumes included the main characters, Harry, Ron, and Hermione, as well as more minor characters like Luna Lovegood, Moaning Myrtle, and Neville Longbottom.

Harry Potter is the most anticipated movie event that has ever happened at our school.

Students and teachers both like it, so it is something we all have in common.

u o r a e v i r r a to d y to enjoy during the show.

Many of the staff members of the school couldn’t wait for the movie.

Some, like Merrit Lealman, have “read all seven books at least five times.”

Student Council member,

Drink Unicorn Blood: The Elixir of Death” Hey look! That’s Ms. Pasarelli!

nd

T

h e school’s obsession with Harry Potter is not, it seems, unique to just the student body. Last night, 250 Fairview students, teachers and chaperones stayed up way past their bedtimes to witness the midnight premier of the penultimate Harry Potter film.

Stu-

up in the costumes they wore t o the

“ Don’t

8p

By MIAH YAGER AND EMILY SANDOVAL

Rita Skeeter’s new best seller:

t o begin Thanksgiving break.

“There is a lot of excitement,” said Berens.

This explosive excitement was very apparent in the hallways during the past week.

Student Council planned a “Harry Potter” themed spirit day for Thursday the 18th, where many students dressed

He

yl oo k!

Th

at’

s

Do

c

Z!

“Read my latest scoop on the harrowing experience of unicorn blood addicts, featuring the tale of deceased Hogwarts professor, Quirinus Quirrell.”

Hey look! That’s Mr. Glaab!

Royal Banner Friday, November 19 2010

4a

In-Depth

To read or not to read: are literary classics relevant to teens?

By LINDSAY SANDOVAL AND JENELLE WINTER

After four years of Fairview High School literature classes, the shelves in our rooms resemble something found in the libraries of literary scholars. Epic titles such as “Romeo and Juliet,” “A Tale of Two Cities,” “Catcher in the Rye,” and “Invisible Man” line the bookshelves, intimidating yet intriguing. Yet why do we seem to value the colorful covers of the “Harry Potter” series more than the classics?

Tracy Brennan, an FHS Language Arts teacher, has also noticed the trend, something she finds discouraging. Reading Shakespeare, for instance, helps students learn “to decode and understand different levels of English,” she said. The convoluted language of 17th and 18th century literature may intimidate students, but resembles “a puzzle” more than an average reading experience.

To appeal to less literate Americans, Brennan noted, authors write at an average eighth grade level. Although these books are easier to read, they are often pedantic and less interesting, she said. Literary scholars have also noticed authors writing more short, compact essays instead of involved novels. With Facebook, YouTube, cell phone applications, and Wiis to occupy us, Americans crave a quick read.

The challenge for any English teacher is to get teenagers to put down “Breaking Dawn”, or at least convince her students to appreciate “Their Eyes Were Watching God” equally. In a Banner survey of 30 students, 11 were currently reading the “Harry Potter” series for fun.

“We have to shoot for a variety,” Brennan responded.

The classics have universal themes: power, dignity, love.

What’s important is that every student can make a connection with the text, whether historical, ethnic, or emotional, she said.

Senior Andrew Parlier, an IB English student countered Brennan’s claim. The worldly ideas “certainly aren’t daily issues,” he said.

Teachers work together through “vertical teaming” to choose curriculum texts. The works become progressively more difficult as a student goes through high

“Death by Black Hole”

Libby Thomas, Senior

“Secret Life of Bees”

May Turner, Sophomore

1. Who are the other two elves (not Dobby or Kreacher) mentioned by name, one in book 5 and one in book 6. Hint: one is always tipsy and the other is very small and very old.

2. What did Dumbledore rename Buckbeak?

3. What are Harry’s, Ron’s and Herminone’s middle names?

4.What are Ron’s, Herminone’s, Luna’s, Snape’s, Ginny’s, Dumbledore’s and Kingsley’s patroni?

5. What is the name of the woman who Harry saves from the dementor’s kiss during the blood trials in book 7?

6. Who owns a erumpent horn, where did he get it, what does he says it is?

school. Ideally, reading “Great Expectations” as a freshmen should prepare you for “Frankenstein” down the road. These books also are more intellectually stimulating and have a higher register than average teen literature.

Of course, some students have problems with the selection of L.A. books. Senior Katie Christison said, “some books definitely have relevance, but some books are just so out there that I don’t see the point.” Activities “rather than just reading” would make English class more interesting, she continued. For instance, her class had a tea party to recreate 19th century England while studying “Pride and Prejudice,” providing more cultural context for the novel.

Perhaps the fixation on tabs, marginalia, and high lighters have turned kids away from reading. Turn to any page of a freshman copy of “Romeo and Juliet”: sad faces abound the margins. David Fulton-Beale, senior, thinks annotating is a little overrated. “I think annotating can be helpful for a lot of people, but I think the teachers expect too much from us to the point that people write basically random crap in the margins to make them happy,” he said.

Fulton-Beale still values the life lessons of classical literature, but the emphasis on literary analysis often undermines any rich discussions. “I don’t think we have [discussions] often enough, and sometimes those discussions get too involved in trying to guess what the author meant by a certain phrase, or trying to throw around literary terms because that’s what the teachers want to hear.”

The accelerated classes also focus too much on preparing students for AP or IB tests instead of enjoying the stories, Fulton-Beale commented. “If what we are learning is relevant or applicable in other areas, it isn’t made clear,” he said.

Despite the frustrations, every student can name an English book that had a significant effect on his life. For Christison, “Angela’s Ashes” and “Life of Pi” profoundly changed her view of the world. For senior Ian Thom, it was J.D Salinger’s tale of notorious antihero Holden, “Catcher in the Rye.” “The book is about a teenager and his life experiences -- we can relate to that,” he said.

What are you reading?

“Open”

“The Open Veins of “The Day of The Jackal” Latin America”

Connor Corrigan, Sophomore

Alan Mandel, Junior

Contest Rules!

Submit your answers to all 20 questions to the box in the main office. Contest will end Tuesday, November 30. Winners will be announced on Radio Rojo on December 1. There will be prizes!

7. Name the 3 schools that participate in the triwizard tournament and their champions.

8.

When shopping for school supplies, where would a young witch or wizard, get their wands, robes, magical pets and books?

9. What is Harry’s wand made of ?

10.

Name the creatures Hagrid introduced the 3rd years to.

11. Recite the spell that brought He Who Must Not Be Named Back to Life.

Alex Budd, Senior

“Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows”

Isabella Funke, Senior

12.

Which witches and wizards are unreported animagi, and what do they turn into?

13. What obstacles do the tri-wizard champions meet inside the maze?

14. Who were the original founders of Hogwarts?

15. What were the items that Voldemort used to make Horicruxs?

16. How did Aunt Petunia learn about dementors?

17.

What do Ron, Hermonine and Neville see when they see a boggart?

18. What was the answer to the sphinx’s riddle?

19. Name the 3 unforgiveable curses.

20. What award did Gilderoy Lockhart win five times and from what magazine?

Royal Banner Friday, November 19, 2010

t n e m e g d Ju

By RACHEL JOYCE Have you ever walked past a group of people and known they were talking about you? Have you ever known just by the look in someone’s eyes that they were judging you? I have.

Odds are you don’t know me. Maybe you have heard my name before, maybe we have a class together, or maybe you would even consider me one of your friends. But, odds are you don’t really know me. Odds are no one does.

Most of the time, we do not know enough about a stranger to draw accurate conclusions about his or her life. Instead of getting to know them, we generalize based upon certain obvious traits in order to piece together what we think that person is like. We fill in the blanks and mold them into who we think they most likely are. And, no matter who it is, we are almost always wrong.

You, on the other hand, know everything about yourself. You know what you had for breakfast this morning, who your first kiss was, that time you broke your wrist, and the last time you cried. But others have no way of knowing your story unless you choose to tell them. People will define you by what they see and hear. This is often drastically different than what you see when you look in the mirror. When they look at you they do not see your insecurities or your quirks, your desires or your secrets. Instead, they see your clothes, your hair, your friends. They look at you from across the math classroom, or catch a glimpse of your face through the sea of students during passing period. They see you through the windshield of the car you drive as you make your way down Greenbriar. Maybe that is how we all see each other, through a windshield, through a tainted perspective.

Every day, every one of us is living in our own bubble of reality. We are consumed by tasks we must complete and by our

own personal thoughts and ideas. This personal bubble becomes a lens through which we look upon our surroundings. This lens is a filter that ‘taints’ and makes subjective all that we see, smell, touch, taste and hear. We judge everything around us, animate or inanimate.

Gorgeous girl. Stupid fool. Sexy car. Dumb bitch. Mean teacher. Annoying freshman. Scary senior. Rarely do we gaze upon something with a benign mental emptiness. If we were robots and were free of our personal judgments, our lives would likely be vastly different than they are currently. Every confused thought that swims through our minds while we are laying awake at night, every over-analysis of another’s actions, every secret we accidentally let slip through our lips, all this would dissolve and mean absolutely nothing. But that is not how humans work.

The only person who can truly judge you is yourself. Lately, I have been realizing that others are experiencing me not as me, but as a version of me that is distorted, analyzed and summed up based upon their own personal criteria of what is important. Its like we are on the other side of an equals sign and others create the equation.

We are, of course, entitled to opinions. But when do our observations cross the line from opinions to condemnations? We often allow one aspect of a person’s personality to define them in our head. We file them away in a mental file cabinet under a category; the beauty, the brain, the slacker, the jock, the loner. Which category do you fall under? And do you really belong there? And is that all you are?

The Sam Berens story: overcoming Hodgkins Disease

By MATT JOHNSON

There is no doubt that it’s tough to cope with being judged and rejected by others. But to be abandoned by your own body--that’s a different story. For Sam Berens, this has been a reality for the past five months. The senior, an IB student, has battled Hodgkins Disease, a form of cancer, since May 28th, 2010. After a couple major operations, Berens underwent rounds of chemo therapy and radiation while most Fairview students were enjoying summer and the beginning of the 2010 school year.

“I had chemo starting near the beginning of June and I had my last one on the last day of August,” Berens said.

“Basically the whole summer I was in chemo. On September 24th, maybe, I started radiation after I had recovered enough from the chemo. I had about a month break.”

This, after six different doctors told him he did not have cancer. Now, he is on the road to recovery, and he is looking forward to not having to bring up the uncomfortable subject of such a major disease. “In some way, I almost wish I would have looked like I had cancer more, because then it would just be easier to tell people. It’s an awkward subject to bring up.”

In the same vein, Berens says his life with cancer is something he hopes to move on from. “I’d rather it not affect my life. I don’t think it was very inspiring at all. I just was a really sucky six months or so, probably, out of my life.”

What Berens has gone through during his treatment process certainly is a testament to his strength. Take, for example, his overnight stay at the hospital when he contracted some sort of virus during his treatment process.

“It was really bad, and that’s when I felt the sickest, because I was throwing up, I felt nauseous, [and] I was dizzy the whole time . . . So that was the only time where I was ever in the hospital overnight because I was that sick.”

Through all the operations, radiation, chemo, nausea, and tiredness, Berens managed to fit in time for school--even for IB classes. “What I do is sometimes I’ll just go for afternoon classes. That’s most common[ly] what happens. I don’t think there’s been a week where I’ve missed the whole week of school or anything. I’ve gone to some school every week...”

Even though Berens didn’t let go of his responsibilities, he says the situation taught him a new perspective-about perspective. What’s his advice? “Just try and realize what’s a bigger deal and don’t worry about very little stuff, because at first I was like, ‘Oh my God, I have to get the IB diploma, how is this going to affect me?’ I was stressed about that, and then I realized, okay, none of that matters.” After all, coming from someone with cancer, this may be something we need to hear.

7

Royal Banner Friday, November 19, 2010

8

Entertainment

Stellar Atlas: Journey to the stars

By ELI BOONIN-VAIL

It’s Monday night, and Alex Rogers, Joey Briggs, Taylor Tuke, and Rudy Weimer are all in their room at Joey’s house. The room’s not big, about twice that of the average bedroom. Its walls are coated in blankets and amps and wires litter the ground.

Weimer’s drum set is crammed in next to a washing machine, and Tuke plucks bass next to a bookshelf full of old records. Amidst this cozy setting, The Stellar Atlas breathes and grows.

“That room used to be kind of like a TV room,” Briggs explains. “Then later I had my guitar stuff in there, then our drummer would bring his stuff over and set up in there, then all the other players, bass and keys, would bring their stuff and set up... Eventually it was just our music equipment in there.”

The Stellar Atlas practices here whenever possible.. Being both in a band and high school can be conflicting. Since the band formed in 2007, Rogers’ annual commitment to marching band in the fall, and Tuke’s dedication to the Baseball team in the later months have presented scheduling conflicts.

But as the band continues deep into senior year it hopes to avoid these issues.

“As of now [extra-curricular activities] haven’t really been bugging us,” Rogers said. “My last competition for marching band already happened. I’m done forever, so the next year is going to be looking pretty good and we’re going to have a lot of free time to start doing a lot of stuff.”

All of this is convenient for the band, as this year is proving to be its busiest and most trying yet.

In addition to the constant gigs they always pour their energy into and the practice such gigs require, the members of The Stellar Atlas are working on pounding out what would be their first Extended Play disc. To Rogers, the success of the EP’s production is vital for the success of the band.

“At this point, we’re looking for a solid four-song EP, something that we can hold in our hands and give to someone instead of just saying, ‘check us out

Rudy Weimer on Drums (BOONIN-VAIL).

The Stellar Atlas plays Astroland Tonight (BOONIN-VAIL).

on Myspace’,” he said. “We have to have something that we can give them.”

On top of the EP, the band has found the time to participate in a nationwide battle of the bands.

Competing against more than 40 other high school bands from around the country, The Stellar Atlas hopes to get enough votes from fans to place high.

You can vote for them every day of November at the band’s website. If they win, Fairview’s music department will get 5000 dollars.

While the EP and competition are exciting new prospects for the band, its greatest strength remains its onstage prowess. In concert, The Stellar Atlas is unshakable, remorseless, and devastating. Tuke’s able vocal baritones and Rogers’ calculated harmonies work well with Briggs’ intricate guitar. The band’s confidence is tangible.

Much of this on stage magic can be attributed to the band’s careful attention to details when it comes to songwriting. “The way that we’ve started to write has changed the way we perform,” Rogers says. “We want to write songs that we want to hear.”

Yet on top of all the things that are impressive about this band, friendship is the most important thing to them. “We’re just really good friends and we always hang out,” Tuke said. “It’s really the chemistry that’s keeping us together.”

When I met with them during practice a month ago, they were as much friends as they were musicians. Joking and laughing in their room, they sounded like any other group of teenagers hanging out after school. Then Tuke’s bass came in and

Weimer’s drums exploded.

I asked Joey Briggs what’s made his band stick around as long as it has. So many high school bands ebb and flow like phantoms through conflict, compromise, and inevitable breakups, yet The Stellar Atlas has remained from start to finish. “I think our band doesn’t really have any secrets,” he told me.

“We’re all just good friends.”

In its most recent performance on October 29, the band consumed every inch of space in Club 156.

Tonight The Stellar Atlas will take the stage once more at Astroland. They are a pleasure to see live and a shame to miss.

Joey Briggs on Guitar (BOONIN-VAIL).

Entertainment

Ke$ha wants to eat you

Royal Banner Friday, November 19, 2010

Sudoku

I imagine as Ke$ha rehearses Cannibal in the winding hallways during the first beats of the opening act, she gets the hype of letting the hip hop beat get in her head and tears up the cool descriptive words into bad language that (WIKIMEDIA COMMONS) we couldn’t believe. As the the first band leaves the stage she is wearing her short shorts and makes the guys go gaga on her long legs that look like she took at least an hour to shine them. She gathers guys and makes it a game.

Ke$ha sings, “I eat boys up / Breakfast and lunch / Then when I’m thirsty / I drink their blood / Carnivore, Animal / I am a Cannibal / I eat boys up / You better run.” This has a really fast tempo that makes me want to be a Cannibal too, but that really means that now that she’s famous and guys want her, she will treat guys the way they treated her before she was famous. That’s the game.

Later in the song when she says “pitter patter,” I feel her pain and I feel her upbeat rhythm. She has a cutting edge to her personality in the song.

With “Cannibal” she creates a character that symbolizes her willingness to play a game where she is making the guys interested in her. The song comes out on November 22 so buy it now and be her fan forever and see how she rocks out.

By MIAH YAGER

Potter comes full circle

At this point, it’s able task of finding meaningful and satisfying pretty clear that the closure. While Rowling delivered this in her Harry Potter movies are this generation’s Star final book in 2007, doing this on film is an enWars. Both franchises possess an unshakable tirely different endeavour, especially with the timelessness that captivates popular culture in scrutiny of hypersensitive fans looming in the its entirety. As the kids of the 80s grew up Han distance. and Luke, we are all going to Hogwarts.

To fulfill our wildest dreams, Yates and comHowever, unlike Lupany have taken the brave cas’ series, the Harry and brilliant step of splitPotter films are actuting the film in half. This ally pretty good from a decision, though agonizcinematic standpoint. ing in its prolonging naDespite the occasional ture, allows for the films change of directorial to go into more detail and hands, the films’ proadhere more strictly to gression of look and the books. feel from innocence Part 1, which came out to darkness has been this morning, follows stable and rewarding.

Harry, Hermione, and In addition, the castRon on a desperate mising for the Potter sesion to destroy Voldemort ries has been superb through his Horcruxes. over the years. British While the rest of the greats Michael Gamwizarding world is ripped bon and the late Richapart by chaos in the wake ard Haris established of Dumbledore’s death, Albus Dumbledore’s the three friends struggle tremendous screen on, hoping that there is presence, Alan Ricksalvation from evil. man’s Severus Snape is While technically it appropriately menacisn’t the end of the series, (WIKIMEDIA COMMONS) ing, and Maggie Smith’s it sure feels like it. One portrayal of Minerva McGonagall remains one of the promotional posters reads “It all ends of my favorite performances in a blockbuster here.” Just the fact that the film’s title ends in film. On top of this, the investment in Daniel “Part 1” means that there will inevitably be a Radcliffe, Rupert Grint, and Emma Watson, Part 2. This impending finale is enough to give has paid off well. All three have somehow re- us a little sad nostalgia. After all, we did more mained highly competent actors over a decade than just grow up with these films. We ate of intensive work. breakfast, lunch, and dinner with them.

Of course, we must sadly bid adieu to all this However, we should find comfort in the fact greatness, as the two part Deathly Hallows that the last two Harry Potter films are just as films conclude the series as a whole. Direc- marvelous as the six that preceded them. Untor David Yates, who brought us Order of the like Star Wars, the Harry Potter Series looks as Phoenix and Halfblood Prince, has the unenvi- if it will end with a bang, not a whimper.

By ELI BOONIN-VAIL

9 Boonin-Vailable for Comment

Playstation moves back

As of today, the Nintendo Wii is four years old. Those four years have been ones of triumph, success, and... oh who am I kidding?

The Nintendo Wii has been around for nearly half a decade and it has nothing to say for itself.

I would know; my family owns one. It’s the perfect Eli Boonin-Vail console for my family because my family doesn’t play video games. It has silly graphics, gimmicky controls, and is best described as a big expensive toy. For some people, this is perfect. For gamers, this is an insult.

I myself walk the line between normal person and gamer. I love video games, but I don’t thrive on them. As a result, I can live happily with a Wii, but I spend most of my time on it playing Gamecube games from 2004. Gamecubes, as it happens, were released nine years ago as of yesterday. Don’t you feel old?

For hardcore gamers, motion-based controls for video games are a joke. Sure, they’re good for exercise and can be fun at parties, but what kind of gamer participates in exercise or parties? That’s why it shocked me when the Playstation 3, the champion of graphic achievement and weapon of choice for any proud gamer, released “Playstation Move” just a few weeks ago in October.

Admittedly, I have not used Playstation Move, so I cannot judge the product to the fullest extent. However, as someone who uses a Wii, I think it’s safe enough to say that I know almost exactly what playing the system is like.

When you first set up a Playstation Move, you will feel greater satisfaction than you have ever known. You will then play for five minutes, turn it off, and leave the thing alone for the rest of its existence.

I know this because I know the kind of people who own Playstation 3s, and they aren’t party people. They’re zombie-slaying alien-beheading modern warriors with unquenchable lusts for blood. They have no interest in pretending that they’re on a raft or scoring a cute little field goal by moving their bodies around because they’re busy killing big Russian henchmen with piano wire.

Sony needs to recognize its demographic. The Playstation 3 has none of the appeal that the Wii does. It’s sleek, black, intimidating, bold, and its processors could eat any Nintendo system’s for breakfast. The Wii is a shiny party starter that’s a bunch of fun for nongamers.

So why would Sony rip Nintendo off? Anyone remotely interested in the Playstation Move already has a Wii. Playstation should recognize that there are two forms of gaming: goofing around and intense. The Wii is great for the first one, and the Playstation 3 is better for the latter. Neither one should attempt to branch out to the other side.

Besides, hardcore gamers are a better demographic to have anyway! They’re the ones who will expend thousands of their dollars on video games and they’re the ones who will line up outside of stores weeks in advanced to buy them. The Playstation Move’s obvious appeal to the goofy side of gaming will isolate these gamers in the coming months. I think we’ll soon hear the hardest of the hardcore gamers claiming that Sony, a 65 year old multi-billion dollar conglomerate, has sold out. These gamers will most likely switch to X-Box permanently, choosing to give their money to Bill Gates rather than filthy rich executives.

Sony, why can’t you just make your fans happy? Instead of bowing to the annoying gimmicks of the modern day, just continue to deliver seriously awesome games. Until the company ceases the production of Playstation Move, I will boycott all Playstation 3 games. This will be easy, as I own a Wii.

Royal Banner Friday, November 19, 2010

10

Op/Ed

Disrespect: a growing trend in all areas

Disruptive conversations disrespectful towards teachers

By Vally Dikovitskaya, Emily Sandoval, Matt Sparkman

Lately in our classes, we’ve noticed a disturbing trend. Students, for some reason, don’t respect their teachers anymore. We’ve been in classes where we want to hear what the teacher says, but the week’s gossip is much more important to others, so the general murmur of the class drowns out the voice of our teacher.

Imagine listening to someone tell you something you want to know, paid to know, need to know to get an A on the test, but you cannot hear it because some troublemaking group of teenagers decided to have a garage band practice, and their noise is completely overpowering the volume of the crucial information

that you are missing. This is how it feels to be me when I am trying to listen, not only so I can get into college with my sparkling transcript, but also so I can learn, and my peers prevent me from doing so.

This problem is especially evident in elective classes, seemingly because people specifically choose them to goof off. No, I did not choose this class because it is my easy A for senior year, I chose it because I’m interested in the subject!

I was sitting in class one day, our teacher trying to lecture over the voices of four or five loud, obnoxious students. She tried to talk over their voices, but she simply couldn’t. She paused to see if they would shut up. Oblivious as they were, they kept on talking. Like any teacher would, she snapped and shouted at them to quit talking. The class went silent and the kids who were talking exchanged glances. Inci-

Seniors must enforce boundaries

By Ryan Patterson

When I walked towards the stands at the Fairview-Boulder football game, who would I find but a group of freshmen occupying the front. I thought this to be unethical, and approached these young law breakers.

When I asked for them to move, they asked a question right back: “why?” At this observation, I went berserk. I went on a rant about how when I was a freshmen, I planned ahead and reserved myself a spot a few rows up as to not have this problem. I basically told them be smarter. After my speech, they moved: some respect.

On most days, I spend my time in the Senior Lounge for lunch. I feel special about this because I have waited three years to watch The Price is Right at school.

When I find underclassmen in the

Senior Lounge, I feel a lot of disrespect and disloyalty.

Come on Seniors! We’ve waited three years for this privilege and now we are allowing underclassmen to occupy seats and watch television at school? What is wrong with this?

Unfortunately, hardly anyone else cares as much as I do. Some Seniors even have the nerve to invite underclassmen into the lounge to “chill”. In my opinion, The Senior Lounge is for Seniors, and not for Juniors with Seniors, and especially not for sophomores and freshmen on their own.

So underclassmen, choose your time of the day wisely, some care and some don’t. But if underclassmen want freshmen in their Senior Lounge, please join us for some Price is Right fourth period.

dents like this are embarrassing for both students and teachers. We aren’t five years old any more. Yes, there will always be the urge to talk to our peers during class, but we should all know when to shut up and pay attention. It’s unfair to our classmates, and especially to our teachers, who are just trying to do their job, and not be vilified for desperately trying to acquire our attention.

Teachers (well, most of them) spend a lot of time outside school hours planning for various learning activities, but if we waste time by insisting on hearing about last weekend’s scandal, their work goes to waste and an important opportunity is lost. This is going to sound cliché, but education is a valuable commodity. We’re not saying that we should never talk in class again, but we might learn a little more if we would shut up more often.

Students will regret disrespect

By Megan Moore

Boy, have times changed! Currently the concept of “Mother knows best” is not an accurate statement, primarily because the time when your mother was your age is very different than the time you live in.

But just because parents are human and therefore make mistakes does not mean that they should not be taken seriously.

Where is that once acknowledged respect? Kids are focused on the concept that their parents do not recall what it was like when they were kids. The truth is, they do. The truth is that they raised you and want you to be happy (and you all know that) so why not be respectful?

I asked this question as I finished my conversation with my mother on the phone. I was sitting with my friends when my mom called me. She asked me simple questions, which at the time seemed like a hassle. I cut her off with biting one word responses attempting to end the conversation, but scarier than that is no one

was surprised by my lack of respect. My friends were listening but they acted as though they were hearing white noise, not an ignorant teenager acting out of line.

When we both choose to understand one another, my parents and I have a great relationship. In this scenario, we were both tired and stressed, resulting in an underlying attempt to deliberately distort each other’s arguments.

I realize that being right should not come at the cost of being disrespectful.

Next time you are frustrated, picture 25 years down the road when your kids believe you are ridiculous and unnecessarily controlling. You will never talk to your kids on the phone long enough to get your point across before they hang up in frustration. You will want to have authority and wish you gave it to your parents while you could. If kids have as much control over their parents as they do now, what will your kids look like? I can answer that question myself: monsters.

Teacher pet peeves: respect must be mutual

By Megan DeBruyn, Paige Reisman

--You know that feeling in the pit of your stomach when a teacher returns the exam in which you guessed on virtually every question? The mere title the teacher gives it inflicts a combination of chills and bubbling anger; Exam. A four letter word associated with all-night study sessions, sweaty palms and scantrons. It seems as though your life depends on the two hours you spent guessing after process of elimination. Why do teachers have to call their simple tests exams? Unless it counts for a third of your grade for the semester or is one of four things a college will consider before accepting you, it’s not an exam. It’s a test or a quiz or a worksheet or a diagnostic; It is not an exam.

--It’s a Monday morning. You walk into your third period class just as the teacher asks you to take out the homework he assigned for the weekend. Nobody

few super-human kids who manage to thrive off of hours of textbook reading along with taking part in an after-school club or two begin to dig through their backpacks. Confused, the teacher asks why such a large portion of you didn’t do it. The class mumbles something about having Homecoming on Saturday but the puzzled look on your teacher’s face remains.

No one has the guts to raise their hand and explain that some students have lives on the weekend of homecoming. Doesn’t he realize that homecoming is not just a one night ordeal? Friday is the big football game, Saturday includes an early morning of PSATs for most sophomores and juniors along with the dance itself and then Sunday is reserved for nursing sore feet and recovering from sleep-deprivation. So why do teachers still assign you a four page packet for homecoming weekend? No one is going to do it anyway! But do they care? No. And do they mind putting a big fat zero in the grade book for half of the class? Not at all.

--The fact that all of your binders are inadequately

lem you’ve learned to deal with in the past couple of months. Then, the one day you see a stack of papers created from at least three rain forest trees, excitement builds. The teacher finally caved and printed out enough handouts for every student to get one and keep it in their binder. However, as you look down at the unstapled packet, your eyebrows narrow.

One hole was sufficiently punched in the top corner of the paper, centered between the edge and the margin. The following two holes were feeble half circles cut into the edge of the paper, like a sad, childish attempt at making a snowflake out of your handout of literary terms. Disgruntled by your teacher’s drab hole-punching job, you go to staple the two individual handouts to each other. You slip your paper in the first stapler, no staples. Second stapler, nothing.

Third stapler, not a single staple. A razor sharp look from your teacher sends you trotting back to your seat. You drop your paper into the bottom of your backpack, not stapled, poorly hole punched...never to be seen again.

Royal Banner Friday, November 19, 2010

Op/Ed

11

Driving:hazardous for everyone involved Crazy driving, both students... ...And parents

By Megan DeBruyn

As an almost 16 -year old, I recently had the privilege of acquiring my driver’s permit. For the past 11 months, I jumped at any opportunity to cart my family around to various destinations. My first time behind the wheel was similar to that of any new driver still psyched about the fact that he or she posses an official piece of plastic with their embarrassing picture on the front. Not only did I drive ten miles under the speed limit and have a panic attack at the mere sight of a cop car, but it took me 15 minutes to muster up the courage to change lanes.

Now, with less than one month to go until I receive my license, I have noticed myself falling victim to some stereotypical teenage driving habits. I began to drive ten miles over the speed limit and scream at innocent pedestrians on the crosswalk as if it was their fault that I was stuck at a red light.

And I can definitely say I had some choice words for the hunched over grandmother with the spectacles resting on the tip of her nose who cut me off last week.

So why does our generation get so worked up over driving? What happened to the good old days of horse and buggies and watching the corn grow?

These days everything is go, go, go. Fast food, high speed Internet, and cell service in just about every city on the globe. It seems as though we have lost the value of patience--especially on the road.

I know I am not the only who has been agitated while driving. In all honesty, I have been on the receiving end of quite a few rude gestures myself.

Yes, I am totally a hypocritical driver. But what is it that puts me over the edge in the first place? Is it because I am genuinely enraged by little everyday occurrences on the road or is it just that shooting a dirty look at anyone who attempts to challenge my Limited Edition 2000 Ford Excursion is second nature to me? Is being three minutes late to my dentist appointment worth patiently waiting for the obnoxious middle schoolers skipping across the intersection? We need to slow down, adjust the rear-view mirror, and remember to put our foot on the brakes every now and then.

Security interview

By Megan DeBruyn, Paige Reisman

Everybody knows the security guards.

Of their numerous jobs, one of those is keeping order among the cars in the 7 AM rush to school. They enforce the rules: No unauthorized cars in the horse shoe, only cars with a sticker can park in the senior lot, and wave fingers at naughty parents who let their kids out of the car at inappropriate spots. So it is clear that they would have insightful things to say about the routine morning commute that every student at Fairview takes part in.

Royal Banner: How do you decide which security guard stands at which post?

Ron Saleem: “I had the post at the bottom last year and I liked it, so I got it this year too, by seniority.”

RB: Who tend to be worse drivers: Crazy students or crazy parents?

RS: “Crazy parents, definitely.”

RB: What’s the worst near-accident (or actual accident) situation you’ve seen recently?

RS: “A person almost got rear-ended. The parent stopped to let their kid out where they shouldn’t have stopped.”

RB: What are the coolest cars you’ve seen?

RS: White Mercedes, brand new Corvette. Both are driven by parents.

RB: If you could teach the student drivers (and also the parents) one driving skill what would it be?

RS: “[I’d teach them to] pay attention at ALL times. There’s a lot going on that you need to watch for.”

RB: How would you rate standing at the bottom of the school in the morning with all of your other jobs as security guard?

RS: “It’s in the middle of my favorites.”

By Jordan Myres

You just arrived at school. You get out of your car to cross the street, look both ways and it looks clear when all of a sudden a huge mini-van comes flying out of nowhere and almost sends you flying all the way to Lake Veley. Another day, another parent driving crazily just to get their child to school twenty minutes before the five minute bell even rings.

More and more, students are seeing an increase in parents driving exceptionally bad to get their kids to school on time. Whether it’s speeding up Greenbriar, taking up room in the senior parking lot or whipping a dangerous u-turn when the security guard is right out front, parents either need to lay off the coffee or start being a little calmer when driving their kids. It’s not the end of the world if the kid doesn’t get to school a long time before first period just to stand around in the student center in a circle and talk to friends. So a shout to all you parents who drive your child to school in the morning, make your foot a little less heavy on the gas pedal and just wait for the long line of cars to clear out like the rest of us.

Parallel parking: stop sucking at it (Photo by KEVIN WAIDA).

On most days when I drive up Greenbriar, I continually spot cars who have either left themselves too much space between the car in front of them and the car behind them, or they leave far too little space between the car in front or behind. So I have created an easy 7-Step process on how to perfectly parallel park.

Step 1: Pull up to the car you plan to park behind three quarters of the way up.

Step 2: Turn your steering wheel two rotations to the right.

Step 3: Slowly pull in the space until your back left wheel is on the white line.

Step 4: Turn your steering wheel so it is back to its original starting point.

Step 5: Go straight back until the front of your car is almost past the back of the car in front of you.

Step 6: Turn your steering wheel one rotation to the left, and continue straight back as far as you can.

Step 7: Pull forward until you have about two feet of space between either the car in front or the car behind.

Good luck, and remember to choose a space you can fit into. Results may vary.

By Ryan Patterson

Other gems: Jeff Jones: “Don’t try to make friends with the security guy if he’s not smiling at you.”

WRONG (KEVIN WAIDA).

Special Report

12

Friday, November 19, 2010

State of the Restrooms Though it’s not really a subject for Nana’s birthday dinner, we all go to the bathroom. Because we all share this trait, you would think that we treat the place that we ‘go’ with some respect, but the Royal Banner staff found this assumption to be false upon a comprehensive investigation of the state of the restrooms at Fairview.

The amount of litter we came across was appalling. If your paper towel seems to not quite make it to the trash can, bend over, pick it up, and put it where it belongs. The trash cans fill up fast . This is obvious. But put in a little effort, and our bathrooms could look less...horrifying.

By VALLY DIKOVITSKAYA, RYAN PATTERSON, EMILY SANDOVAL, LINDSAY SANDOVAL, STAN WHITCOMB AND JENELLE WINTER

600 hall boys’ room (EMILY SANDOVAL).

The boys’ bathroom on the bricks (EMILY SANDOVAL).

200 hall girls’ room (RYAN PATTERSON). Grafitti in the boys’ room (RYAN PATTERSON).

Girls’ bathroom outside the cafeteria (RYAN PATTERSON).

Girls’ 200 hall (EMILY SANDOVAL).

600 hall girls’ room (RYAN PATTERSON).

The 200 hall boys’ stall... awkward (EMILY SANDOVAL).

600 Hall:

Bricks:

Math:

Cafeteria:

Boys:

Boys:

Boys:

Boys:

We all entered the 600 hall boys’ bathroom, but two of us had to leave immediately due to the atrocious smell. Sorry, boys, but that is the most disgusting room we have ever been in (that includes the haunted houses of last issue). From what we gathered, this is a popular loo, but oh, man does it need some Febreeze!

The Boys’ bathroom on the bricks is one of the most architecturally interesting rooms in the school.

Unfortunately, it would be impossible for anyone in a wheelchair or on crutches to maneuver. Nonetheless, it is the cleanest and driest of all the boys’ rooms.

This is the obvious favorite for all boys. In one 36 square foot stall, there are two urinals and one toilet. Along with the plentiful privacy, the toilet always seems to be clean! However, it may be a little weird to pee right next to someone doing “Number 2” in plain sight.

This is the strangest room in the school.

There is no other way to say it; this bathroom smells BAD. Other than this, it has stellar graffiti in the stalls. Unfortunately, this bathroom is ill equipped to handle more than 2 occupants. Its urinals are uncomfortably close, which leads to awkwardness. Plus, someone lit the toilet paper in here on fire a few years back.

Girls:

Girls:

Girls:

Girls:

The “business” for the girls in the 600 hall W.C. is almost purely gossip (contrary to conventional thinking). This bathroom features plenty of space to hang out (although there are no chairs like in the 200 hall), fancy faucets unlike other bathrooms, and the “Hot List.” Unfortunately, we are not legally allowed to reveal the contents of said Hot List. On an unrelated note, congrats Zach Strand for unparalleled beauty among men.

Every day: water everywhere, used paper towels strewn across the floor, hairs and other mysterious objects clogging the sinks, topped with a murky aroma that strongly overtakes the small area. What goes on in these bathrooms that makes them end up in this state?

Seriously girls? We are supposed to be the more hygienically advanced gender, right?

Almost equally mind boggling to the giant stall in the boys’ bathroom are the chairs and ficus in the girls’. The room features a lounge area reminiscent of fancy Macy’s bathrooms (except a lot creepier).

Unfortunately, there is no space in the ‘business’ part of the room.

Lines consistently overflow out the door, which angers math teachers.

The girls’ bathroom is similar to the boys’. Cramped spaces, constantly wet sinks, and there always seems to be someone in there. Although there is a lack of privacy, there is an escape route for only the smallest of girls. Behind the right toilet, a small hole has been created. If this were Alcatraz, the only obstacle left would be the swim back to freedom in San Francisco.