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Friday, March 21, 2014 Vol. 54 No. 4

Cover picture by Emily Ellis

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Table Of Contents

The Parking Problem 3 Tweets of the Month 4-5 A Cheating Culture 6-7

age of print stories, photos, videos, and audio.

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student life

13-14 STAFF

Senior Parking Problems 8-9 Senioritis 9 Student of the Issue 10 Spring Break Plans 11

EDITORS IN CHIEF SAVARONE AMMANN

SHARONE GOLDMAN ELISE MACLEAN CASON MCHOSE

SECTION EDITORS

opinion

News RAINE KENNEDY, LUCIA ROSE Opinions ALEX RAY Student Life NATALIE BOWS, REBECCA VICKERS

The Modern Classroom 12-15 Letter to the Editor: From Nick Gunther 16 Letter to the Editor: Response from Hannah Sheridan 17

Entertainment DAVID SACHS Sports RYAN SHUMAN Humor MADDIE STACHNIAK Photo EMILY ELLIS Copy OWYN COOPER Social Media RACHEL PERLEY

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STAFF REPORTERS

KIMBERLY BROWN, DVIR GOLDMAN, RACHEL GRUSHAN, MAYA JAYACHANDRA. ETHAN KENNEDY, ALEAH MATTHEWS-RUNNER, DAN,

VARUN NARAYANSWAMY, MACKENZIE RIOR-

HANNAH SHERIDAN, MIKE SPARKMAN, ALISON YARDLEY

Where does Spors Funding Come From? 18 State of the Rockies 19 Coach “O” Segment 20 Action Photo of the Month 21

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entertainment FC Crunk / Third Wave: Pop Culture Grid 22 17 Best Albums of All Time 23-24 Searching for the Real Top Ten 25

About the Banner

The Royal Banner Newspaper is a 24 to 32 page newspaper.

The Banner is written primarily for the over 2000 students attending Fairview High School and is distributed free of charge to all members of the school community. Accurate reporting of fact is the goal of the staff. Commentaries, opinion columns and letters to the editor are the expressed opinion of the author and not of The

Royal Banner and its Editorial Board or its adviser. *Disclaimer: Under Colorado law, no expression made by students in the exercise of free speech or freedom of the press shall be deemed to be an expression of school policy. No school district, employee, legal guardian or ofﬁcial of such a district shall be held liable in any criminal action for any expression made or published by a student. The Royal Banner sells advertisements for publicity and to pay for printing costs. We reserve the right to refuse to run any advertisement deemed inappropriate to the Fairview community.

humor

A Hipster Reviews One Direction 27 Top 5 Spring Break Destinations 28 Arizona’s Gay Agenda 29 How to Open College Letters 30

extra Who Says Different is Bad? 31 Advertisements 32

The Royal Banner wishes Fairview a happy Spring Break!

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The

Parking

Most weekday mornings from August to May, high schoolers swarm Greenbriar. Fairview students scramble for a spot within 5-minute-walking distance from the entrance of the school, or if they are earlier, a spot in the “fab four.” Parking has always been a hot topic at Fairview, but now with the largest class, the sophomores, beginning to get their licenses and hit the roads, it is becoming an even more heated subject. The Senior Lot has frequently been at the center of this discussion, as every year, administration oversells the lot, leaving some seniors that have a parking pass without a spot. Principal Don Stensrud said that on the contract for parking passes it is written, “you have a right to park here, but you are not guaranteed to Seniors who park illegally, or juniors who park here.” Alex Burke, a se- park in the senior lot, receive a sticky ornior who parks in ange ticket on their window. The ticket is the lot, said that he difficult to remove without serious time, effort, and money. cannot get a spot about, “once a week or so, as far as the morning goes.” Savi Williams, senior, said that she has to get to school, “around 7:30 to get a good spot.” While some are concerned that non-seniors are the culprit of the full lots, Burke said that he’s, “maybe seen a non-senior car in there twice all year.” Stensrud said, “it would be different if everybody had to be in class every hour, but since they don’t, [we] oversell it.” However, the senior lot was not always oversold, “years ago, they did not oversell it, and what happened is you get a bunch of kids who don’t have second and third [period] and they all leave,” said Stensrud. Students would leave throughout the day, and seniors, without a pass, would park on the street while there were frequently empty spots in the lot. Burke said, “[overselling the lot] sucks and it makes everybody annoyed, but people would be a lot more upset if they only sold to capacity, because then during some peri-

News

Problem

By Lucia Rose

ods there would be open spots but a senior without a sticker can’t take one. So it sucks yeah but [overselling the lot] makes more sense than underselling or selling to capacity.” The senior lot is not student’s only concern of course, and while, according to Stensrud, about 50% of students use the Regional Transportation District (RTD) bus, the limited amount of parking spots affect many students. Emma Gann, junior, arrives at school at 7:30 to get a good parking spot, “If I get [to school] at 7:25 I get pretty much the best parking spot that is really close, however if I get [to school] at 7:35, I’m parked past the track.” Hana Kieger, junior, said, “There is about a five minute window [for good parking] and then everyone starts showing up.” Stensrud reported that Fairview is working with RTD to try and put in a bus stop that would look similar to the one at Broadway and College Avenue, equipped with multiple benches and a large overhang. The Fairview stop would move from its current location to along the horseshoe. Stensrud said that, “[the school] would lose about seven spots, but it might make [the bus] a little more user friendly.” In terms of improving parking, Stensrud said, “We have at times entertained conversations with the city about changing the parking on the street from parallel parking to diagonal.” Previously, this change was not possible due to economic conditions, but now, “with the economy turning over, they may be able to consider it,” said Stensrud. This alteration would supply Fairview with about 150 more parking spots.

Due to overselling the senior permits, one (or even two) car(s) usually park illegally past the designated spots the end of the seniot lot.

Photos by Emily Ellis

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News

The Month In Tweets Compiled by Raine Kennedy and Lucia Rose

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A Cheating Culture

In a survey published on Facebook and Twitter, the Royal Banner collected data from 127 students, 67 of whom identified themselves as seniors, and 35 of whom identified themselves as diploma candidates. Of those students, almost a quarter said that cheating was worth the consequences.

“...He didn’t get his diploma, it was as simple as that. [His college] was notified. And what was most interesting is… it was an Ivy League school, and they still accepted him, even though we wrote a letter saying, ‘Do you realize what this student has done?’ So, we actually took that measure and that’s not something we do often, write a university that’s already accepted a student and say we really want you to reconsider based on this new information, but we did, and, in this case, they still took him,” said Bessett. The striking thing about this story is not the cheating. It is the fact that serious plagiarism did not deter this Ivy League college from accepting him. The survey showed that a surprisingly large number of students were comfortable with cheating. These students aren’t amoral or heartless. They are merely stating a simple fact. In our world today, cheating is not punished harshly. In fact, in pop culture, cheating is actually encouraged. ‘Bad boys’ like Leonardo DiCaprio’s character in the Oscar nominated movie, ‘Wolf of Wall Street’ are celebrated as devilish heroes. Regardless of the moral question, the consequences of cheating are not enough to deter a determined student from taking a shortcut. Also, technology has allowed for a whole new dimension of cheating to take place. Tools like Facebook, for example, allow students to share homework assignments, and to pool workloads.

“70% of what was cited was just fictitious citations” - Bessett Cheating in the IB program has been a problem at Fairview since the IB program was instituted. According to Darren Bessett, the IB Coordinator at Fairview, serious academic dishonesty used to plague the school on a much greater degree than it does now. We... know that it’s a big problem still. But I will say this. I believe that we are in a better place now at Fairview than we were, say, certainly when you started as freshmen [in 2010], and certainly those years prior to that,” said Bessett. In the past, cheating on a large scale was common in the IB program, said Bessett. He detailed for the paper a story about a student who had plagiarized much of his extended essay. “[The extended essay] looked really good too. Everything was cited, everything looked just great. But there were a few red flags, which caused us to say, okay, let’s dig in a little deeper, and when we dug in, okay, yeah, 70% of what was cited was just fictitious citations,” said Bessett.

By Raine Kennedy

“I heard of people making a Facebook group where people would post all their homeworks to their other IB friends,” said one anonymous student in the online survey. Many other students in the survey cited Facebook as an important tool for cheating, especially in the sciences, where graphs and data is shared. Phones are also a dangerous new element of cheating that has made cheating harder to detect. “In a Pre-IB class, I saw a classmate copy something from his phone onto his test,” said another anonymous student, responding through the survey. Mr. Don Stensrud, principal of Fairview, also mentioned technolo-

“The access to the ability to cheat has increased.” - Stensrud gy as a catalyst for cheating. “I think it’s indicative that it’s just so much easier as you’re interviewing me on your iphone. You have the internet immediately… The access to the ability to cheat has increased,” said Stensrud. While technology has made cheating easy, deeper underlying issues make cheating the best option for students. The pressure within the IB program, especially among seniors, is immense. For students applying to competitive schools, grades are incredibly valuable. high GPA can make or break college admissions.

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News

Society Adviser at Fairview. just didn’t have it... “This [the data] is not surprising, Kids will copy the but it’s sad. I feel like there’s a lot to lab once and that’s be said for the fact that that many the only time they kids are, A., resorting to it [cheatneed to do it all year ing] and, B., rationalizing that that’s and the teacher will an okay thing to be doing. For me, yell at them once I think it brings up bigger issues and then it’s not an about character and that is someissue for the rest of thing that we as an organization the year. From what try to promote is strong character,” I can tell it’s used in said Adkisson. a pinch, and it’s not a So perhaps the real problem is continual problem,” that cheating has been normalized. said Garbarini. No longer do we feel morally in Garbarini and clined to be ethical. No longer are many others admit- the consequences a strong enough ted that they had seen deterrence. Grades are too valucheating going on able, not only for IB kids, but for within the IB diplo- everyone. ma. While perhaps On the survey, one anonymous some of this cheat- student wrote, ing was the product “[IB Diploma Candidates] cheat, of laziness, most of but it is not a problem because that it seems to be more is what this world does.” the result of an overwhelmed student buckling under an immense workload and the pressure of never Have You Seen or Heard of Students ending assessment. “Most of the exCheating in the IB Program? amples I’ve seen of people engaging in some kind of academic dishonesty were students who for one reason or another got themselves into sort of a desperate situation, and in that moment, usually at two in the morning, they made some really bad choices,” said Stott. I showed the survey data to Christa Adkisson, an English teacher and the National Honor

Is Cheating in the IB Program Worth the Consequences?

When schoolwork is intense, and teachers are grading in a highly standardized manner, where test answers are more important than independent thought, cheating becomes a necessity. “What I’d want to say about cheating is, to the extent that we turn school into a commodified exchange system, where grades are an object of value to be attained, to that extent we exacerbate the problem of students willing to take shortcuts to get that valuable thing,” said Jay Stott, English teacher. I interviewed senior and IB Diploma candidate Logan Garbarini about what he thought about cheating in the IB Diploma Program. “For a lot of people [cheating] is [worth the risks] because… if they end up getting a zero on the homework, well they might have already gotten a zero on the homework assignment or the lab, because they

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Student Life

Illegally Parked Photo by Emily Ellis

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SENIORITIS

Student Life

By Rebecca Vickers, Natalie Bowes, and Melissa Cuddington

2 of the 4 Editors and Chiefs having a moment of seniorits. (Savaronne Ammann and Cason Mchose)

#seniorparkingproblems

by Rebecca Vickers and Natalie Bowes

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Student Life

Students of The Issue: TWIN EDITION Joey & Cito Balsells

by Natalie Bowes and Rebecca Vickers

The student of the issue is someone extraordinary. Whether it be an interesting talent, a concious effort to improve their community, or someone who exemplifies admirable values, the student of the issue is a way to call attention to the unique things you may not know about the people sitting next to you in class. Often times with siblings close in age, there can be a “School is not really tapering off for us because we both certain amount of rivalry. However, twins, Joey (left) have around 10 IB or AP tests to prepare for,” said Joey. and Cito Balsells (right), coexist peacefully by sharing With such intense school work, it is very impressive similar interests, but also honing achievements and that Joey and Cito are involved in lots of different exhobbies of their own. tracurricular activities. During his time at Fairview, Cito made his mark on the “In my free time, I play the Cello. I’m working on a FHS Wrestling team by working hard and earning many piece by Vivaldi to play in an upcoming concert with accomplishments. Last year, he was named the Daily another player. It’s a lot of work but it’s paying off now Camera Athlete of the Week and most outstanding that i am practicing again.” said Joey. wrestler on the Fairview team. He finished off this past Cito doesn’t have a whole lot of free time outside wrestling season strong by of wrestling and school getting second at Regionals work, but in his spare time and one of the top twelve he enjoys doing math. spots at the State level. “I guess you could say “This season the team did math is a hobby of mine. really good overall and it I’m taking two math classwas probably one of the es this year: calc 2/3 and best groups we’ve had in a IB Math HL.” said Cito long time because we were “All he does is math!” addall very close.” said Cito. ed Joey, “You’ll see him at However, Cito is not the home and he has his math only sibling with evident book out and if I ever talent. By paying attention need it, he’s always there to what’s going on in class to help me out.” and studying, Joey was reIn addition to all of this, cently admitted to Yale’s Cito and Joey both joined class of 2018. the Fairview track team “I am considering going to this year and chose to do Yale, but I’m still waiting to shot put. hear back from Harvard, “We do many of the Princeton and Stanford. It same things. Since we do might sound weird but Yale a lot of the same things we is probably my fall back spend a lot of time togethschool and Stanford is my er and it isn’t necessarily number one choice.” said that way for all twins.” said Joey. Joey. Both Balsells brothers are It’s safe to say the FairIB diploma candidates and, view community is proud with Senior year nearing its to have such great people close, there is still a signifiand students! cant amount of work ahead for them. Photo by Emily Ellis

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Student Life

Photo donated by: Julia Mattingly

SPRING BREAK 2014

By Kimberly Brown

What are your fellow Knights doing this Spring Break?

Homework. Tests. Pop quizzes. Essays. Projects. Term papers. March seems to be full of due dates and work overload. Fortunately, we can all stop banging our heads on our textbooks because it is almost time for Spring Break! A vacation in the middle of a tough semester is a brilliant idea (even if it just means sitting on your porch and drinking Hawaiian punch!)

FRESHMEN Carrollyn and Clarire Rice

SOPHOMORES

Sam Cohen

JUNIORS

Jackson Fields

SENIORS Jake Garland

Photos by: Natalie Bowes

Cassidy Reust: “I’m going to visit my family in San Antonio, Texas and we have some traditions, like going on the river walk.”

Chloe Pierce: I’m going to Puerto Rico with my family. We’ve been four times, and I love the beach.

Carrollyn and Claire Rice: “We are staying in Boulder because we have lacrosse games and we will hang out with friends.”

Cooper Lajeunesse: “I’m staying in Boulder and relaxing. I have tap dancing and I will make lots of homemade cookies.”

Jens Krogh: Dogsitting and hanging out with friends. My host family is going to Mexico without me and I will Skype my family in Denmark a lot and get loads of sleep.

Chloe Vincent: I have lifeguard training with my sister so that I can have a job this summer.

Jackson Fields: My family is visiting Hawaii. I’m definitely going surfing and we might hike a volcano. I’ve been to Hawaii more than eight times.

Jake Garland: I’m flying to Miami with my best friend Nissa, and going to a huge three day music festival called Ultra.

Sam Cohen: I’m going to Florida visit my grandparents.

Charlie Jones: I’m going to Mexico with my friends. I can’t wait to go the beach and swim in the ocean. Samaria Herbert: I’m visiting colleges inWashington D.C., Georgia, Louisiana, and Texas. We are also visiting family in Houston. Ryan Chen: I’m going on a road trip to Arizona. My mom found a lot of tourist sites there that we are going to visit.

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Opinion

The Modern Classroom By Rachel Grushan, Aleah Matthews-Runner, and Alex Ray

Classrooms, especially in the US, are traditionally just rows and rows of the same desks, all facing towards a teacher lecturing on one topic or another. However, there is no reason a classroom canâ€™t be a more versatile, relaxed room that facilitates discussion and encourages creativity. A modern classroom should be able to allow teachers to alter their classrooms based on the needs of their class. A modern classroom should allow students to flourish by letting them learn in their own style.

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Large oval or rectangular tables should be a very important part of the modern classroom. These would facilitate classroom discussion, which would especially be helpful in language classrooms where communication is essential. Current individual desks are uncomfortable and they actively discourage discussion among students. Also, these are very versatile, as you can also arrange them in rows to allow for a more traditional teaching style.

Opinion

The Modern Classroom

Photo by Alex Ray

Another important piece of the individual workspace in the modern classroom will be some more traditional desks. Despite the fact that theyâ€™re reletively uncomfortable and small, they are useful for a variety of subjects, as well as work on computers. The versatility of these desks and the beanbag chairs will allow teachers to customize their classrooms to a great degree.

The second part of the modern classroom should involve a change in seats. How are students supporsed to focus on learning when they are sitting in hard plastic seats for hours on end? A possibility for seats around the oval or rectangular tables could be rolling cushy chairs or even yoga balls. Both of these would be much more comfortable for students, and would allow for quick rearrangement of the room.

By Rachel Grushan, Aleah Matthews-Runner, and Alex Ray

An important part of the modern classroom is an individual workspace that allows students to solitarily work in class. Beanbag chairs are flexible pieces of furniture that are also very comfortable. The oval tables are very group-oriented, and many students work better individually. The ability to alter classrooms based on the class and students is an essential part of the modern classrom, and beanbags allow for relaxed individual work in the classroom. Photo by Wikimedia Commons

Something that many students think would be important in a modern classroom is a large amount of natural light. The â€œnewâ€? wing of the 600 hall in Fairview does a very good job of this, as most of the light in those rooms is supplied by windows and sunroofs.

Chalkboards and white boards are staples of classrooms worldwide for a reason; they are extremely versatile and useful in every classroom environment. Furthermore, the addition of projector screens and the (reletively) new smartboards give extensive options to both students and teachers in the classroom.

Photo by Alex Ray

The final addition to the modern classroom would be a set of cubbies by the door for the students to use to store their things. Something that often gets in the way of rearranging classes for socratic seminars or activities is the large number of backpacks and binders lying around. Having a set place to keep your stuff would help in the movement of furniture in the classroom. This would be just one extra step in the effort to give teachers a modern, adaptive teaching environment.

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Opinion

The Modern Classroom

By the Royal Banner Staff

Mr. Peoples~Instead of desks I had long tables, that were a couple feet wide and nine or ten

feet long. I had three students at each of those and I was able to move them around the classroom and use them in a lot of different ways, like in a simulation about an assembly line. It was easy to turn those tables into an assembly line much easier than desks. I also had a slavery activity where I pushed all the desks together and had them crawl underneath and the whole class had to pack beneath the tables and write a little journal on it. I found it quite liberating, because I was able to rearrange my whole classroom is ways you can’t do with desks.

Ms. Adkisson~I am a firm believer that classrooms need to be flexible. Rows are sometimes really

nice to have during a test or when we’re doing something like giving a lecture, its really nice to have everyone facing me. But at the same time I’ll need quick flex where we can go into groups, because in English we do socratic seminars all the time. The ideal class is one where you are able to move your desks around so you can meet all those different needs depending on what you are doing that day. In real life, it’s never gonna be where there’s one way to do something, you have to learn to be flexible and be in different spaces, and so if we could create classes that use that to better our teaching and encourage kids to learn that flexibility.

In the United States, you walk into almost any high school classroom and you will see the same thing--traditional rows upon rows of plastic chairs with attached pseudo-wood desks, with the exception the occasional lecture hall or larger tables in science classrooms. However, the traditional classroom is not often challenged as no one bothers to think about why students sit for six or more hours like this. Don Stensrud, Fairview High School Principal, said “We cram you in those little desks for eight hours and say ‘be creative.’ And I’m not sure that’s what education is all about. I think that’s what it has been about.” The fact of the matter is that this customary method of classroom design hinders students’ education. The method has yet to be changed, as most people may not draw a connection between physical layout and education, not to mention the fact that redesigning classrooms is expensive. There may even be an argument that people are too lazy to change it because everything is okay as it is. But how is it okay for students to attempt to learn foreign languages in classrooms that actively discourage communication? How is it okay for students to sit like cattle watching a lifeless teacher regurgitate material? How is it okay that we assume all students learn the same way?

The very act of keeping the same, linear seating arrangement is detrimental to high school education as it discourages communication, forces the same ineffective teaching style, and is uncomfortable for the students. As Stensrud puts it, “When you go home to do your homework, do you sit in a plastic desk? It’s what we do everyday here. You may have earphones in, you may be listening to music, but we very rarely actually sit in a comfortable desk here.” Communication is becoming an increasingly large part of the modern workplace. Google, which recently renovated its offices into state-of-the-art workplaces, said that “Physical space is the biggest lever to encourage collaboration,” to the “New York Times”. Stensrud asked, “If we are preparing for a workforce after college, why aren’t we creating a work environment here that’s getting you to that place?” While not every student will go on to work at a layout-savvy company like Google or Facebook, it is not unlikely that these modern workplaces foreshadow what may go on to become the norm. Stensrud said, “In the workforce, doing your work together is called being cooperative. In education, we call it cheating. I think we really need to start to rethink

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we believe about education.” There are many different ways high schools could physically change their classrooms to address these problems. For example, replace all the desks with four or five oval tables, where all the students are facing each other and can collaborate on their work. Another option that many schools and workplaces are already implementing are “work stations” that are separate from the main class discussion area. These workstations can be anything from pods to couches to beanbags, so they are there to allow students to work independently in the most comfortable way possible. Stensrud remembered that while attending the University of Denver, he’d “go to the library to study and they had these big huge block things that were all carpeted that you could crawl

Opinion

in and sit and you would study there because it wasn’t a desk, it wasn’t a table, it was kind of your space. So why don’t we create schools that look like that?” All of this stems from the fact that students learn differently. This has simply not been addressed in high school. It has been expected that students all sit in the same desks for eight hours and “learn.” To properly educate, you must introduce variety, allowing students to learn how they are most comfortable while also inspiring collaboration and communication. Students go to the library in Fairview to study because there are communal tables, cushy chairs, computers, counters, and floor space. Students can learn in whatever way is comfortable for them; why aren’t classrooms the same?

Why do you go to the library? Because it’s more comfortable, there’s nice lighting and a table and it’s more spread out. ~Mr. Stensrud

From the use of smartboards and computers to the rearrangement of seats, variety in the classroom is often advantageous to students. ~The Sun Times

Windows. Being able to see the actual outdoors and having natural sunlight. Without them it’s very dreary, like in the math hall. ~Jenny Mitchell, Senior Photos by Alex Ray

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Letter to the Editor from Nick Gunther with respect to My Name is America and I Killed Claire Davis

Like many students, I had a strong reaction to Hannah Sheridan’s article on gun violence and the death of Claire Davis. In particular, the sentence where Hannah wrote, “Claire Davis was murdered by every single American who cowered further into their gun control opinion...” struck me as especially wrongheaded. While certainly emotional, there seems to be little substance to back up the idea that increased gun control could have prevented this tragedy. The fact is the real killer bought his shotgun legally and, with no history of violence or major mental health issues, would have passed a background check. If gun control would not have stopped this tragedy, it follows that Americans who support gun rights were in fact not responsible for Davis’s death. Such inflammatory rhetoric can even damage the work that is being done across party lines to address the mental health crisis mentioned by Hannah. Accusing an entire segment of the American population of helping to perpetuate murder will ultimately hurt us all, as it encourages division and partisanship as opposed to co-operation. For example, Colorado Senate Bill 13-266, which will establish a 24-hour mental health hotline as well as a network of linked, walk-in crisis centers, mobile units and residential respite crisis services throughout the state, passed with support from both Republicans and Democrats. Mental health reform efforts like Colorado’s may not be as flashy an issue as gun control, but when it comes to stopping these attacks before they begin, they are far more effective. The question we should be asking is why Karl Pierson was not referred to a school counselor when he began to make death threats against his teachers, not why law-abiding Americans should be allowed to own firearms.

Nick Gunther, Junior Photo by Alex Ray

Opnion

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Nick Gunther’s Letter to the Editor Response from Hannah Sheridan

We are in agreement. “Claire Davis was murdered by every single American who cowered further into their gun control opinion instead of trying to understand the situation for the sake of the children who have choked on their own blood at the hands of other children.” I did not name a specific opinion. I’m calling out pro-gun control people who refuse to work toward solutions. I’m calling out anti-gun control people who refuse to work toward solutions. I’m calling out short people and tall people and male people and female people and white people and black people and purple people and green people. I’m calling out people who refuse to work toward solutions. Someone messaged me after my article was published and told me that it was absolutely absurd that I suggest that we can fix anything with mental health reform. He expressed that we can never detect these teen shooters because of their secretive natures and, therefore, we can only hope to defend ourselves. This is, on a fundamental level, something that I don’t agree with. So what do I do then? If I choose to bicker, I am hypocritical. I have published words that compare bickerers to murderers. But it is hard for me to talk about something that makes so much sense to me on a humanitarian level, without getting sassy. It is my nature. However it stunts progress, and I must continually remember to speak with the intent of being understood rather than humiliating another person. So I told him, despite our different levels of understanding, we needed to work together. We must both propose solutions and then enact them. A failed attempt is infinitely more valuable than no attempt at all. So Nick, we agree that Karl Pierson shouldn’t have been pushed aside. We agree that mental health reform seems like a very promising and explorable solution. I am more than willing to set aside any personal gun control opinion and work together, with you or anyone else who sees potential in it as well. I have nothing but respect for anyone who doesn’t agree with my individual opinion, yet is willing to work together nonetheless in hopes of creating a new voice, however small, that finally breaks the silence.

Hannah Sheridan, Staff Reporter Photo by Alex Ray

Opinion

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Sports

Who Pays For Your Sport?

by Dvir Goldman

It’s that time of the year again. The time of year when athletes go around school begging you, “Please, just buy one box of cookie dough,”or , “These mattresses are considered the best in the world.” We’ve all seen it or have been part of it. These fundraising projects are crucial to the sports they help. However, the bulk of athletic funds come differents sources. The following are interviews with Coaches Michael Flood, Susan Stensrude, and Athletic Director Frank Lee in an attempt to get that information.

STUDENTS WORKOUT IN FITNESS CLASS Photo By Dvir Goldman

Interview with Susan Stensrud, Girls’ Tennis 1-How much does it cost to run your program and where does the money come from? “I run what I call a ‘cheese sandwich team.’” (Meaning she tries to spend as little as possible and each player fundraises and buys their own uniform.) “I do not pay for the tennis balls.” A varsity member pays around 200 dollars and JV must spend 30 dollars on their different uniforms. “We raised a couple thousand dollars.” She has to rent the courts at the South Boulder Rec Center, sometimes costing her $400-500. This, she says, is the biggest expense for the team. 2-In terms of equipment, what advancements have been made from last season to this season? “We’ve made no improvements this past year. we’re hoping for new courts as ours are falling apart and could be potentially dangerous.” Mrs. Stensrud informed me that the polls that hold the court up are in bad shape. If these polls were to potentially fall on a student they could be seriously injured.

Interview With frank lee, ATHLETIC DIRECTOR 1-How much does it cost to run your program and where does the money come from? The Fairview High School athletic budget accounts for around 160,000 dollars a year. This money is shared among the athletic department and is distributed according to the expense of the sport and the popularity of the sport. We try to supply as much equipment at school. Uniforms, courts and fields, and the weight room, we try to fund as much as we can.” Some specific things that the athletic board pays for are transportation, officials. For baseball they pay for the balls, uniforms and maintenance crew. “We continuously have to fix the tennis courts, the gym floor and the baseball fields. We’ve spent a lot just replacing the dirt on the baseball field.” 2-In terms of equipment, what advancements have been made from last season to this season? “We replaced a few of the soccer goals this year, and put the turf in.” “For softball and baseball, we put in some new turf and replaced some dirt.” Big expenses like new turf and goals cost a lot of money, an average foot of turf cost $4.75 according to the ESPN website. “In tennis, we’d like to get some stands and replace some of our courts.” Expenses like these are also costly. “For swimming, we’re focusing on renting facilities, like the Rec Center down the hill, and buying them proper equipment like touch pads or sensors for the races.” These expenses he explained, are more expensive as time goes on. Interview with Michael Flood, Lacrosse 1-How much does it cost to run your program and where does the money come from? “It costs thousands of dollars each year to run our team. There are many costs that we take on in the spring during our season, but we offer opportunities for our guys to play yearround. We try to help offset those costs as much as possible for the parents and players.” The Lacrosse team sells cookie dough. Each box is just 16 dollars and it’s just one of the fundraisers FHS teams do. 2-In terms of equipment, what advancements have been made from last season to this season? “Because we had such a successful fundraiser last season, we were able to provide brand new helmets and gloves this year. We were also were able to get two brand new gameday goals, which we needed desperately.”

Check website for the full story: fhsroyalbanner.com

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Sports

The State of the Rockies by Ethan Kennedy

The Colorado Rockies, in recent memory, have seemed to roll over and die come September. For this club to have a full turn around in 2014, and go from worst, to first is no easy task. The instant gratification that the sports fan in all of us desires may not come. However, will the 2014 Rockies simply stop the bleeding from the past years, or will we see ourselves back in the World Series? Perhaps, a management change could be best for the Rockies. Walt Weiss, the manager of the team, is beginning his second year with the Rockies and seems a lot more comfortable as the skipper. Higher up, the Monfort family still control the team in the owner position and have for the past 17 years. Dan O’Dowd, the general manager of the Rockies, has been in his position for the last 15 years, with little postseason success and no World Series championships to show for it. The Rockies have finished on the bottom of the National League West division for the past two years. However, the NL West has had three different division leaders at the end of those seasons. Yet, the Rockies still seem to have bad season after bad season. When healthy, our lineup for 2014 has some definite star power. With Michael Cuddyer, the 2013 batting champ, Troy “Tulo” Tulowitzki, one of the best offensive shortstops in the league, and Carlos “Cargo” Gonzalez the exlposive outfielder in our lineup, our offense can be very prolific, especially when in Coors Field. Yet, our offense still fell flat due to the injuries sustained by two of our all-stars in the 2013 season. Together, Cargo and Tulo missed over 90 games and were rarely healthy at the same time. To get a productive offense in 2014, nobody can get injured. With all of our players healthy and optimistic for the season, we could have an enormous jump in stats. Our pitching has never really been a strong suit for us. Last season, our bullpen finished last in the NL in ERA and horribly in several other stats. With an optimistic look into the season, it is easy to see all of the new additions we have in our bullpen, and the prospects we have in the farms. However, with Jhoulys Chacin, one of last year’s hopes, out for the meantime with a shoulder injury, we will lose a good righthander for the first month of the regular season. Pitching talent is hard to come by in Colorado. Due to our altitude, no pitcher likes to pitch here. In order for our team to acquire decent pitchers, we can either pay them a ton of money or have them come up through the farms. Our top two prospects, Eddie Butler and Jon Gray, are both projected to make our rotation stronger in the future. Our defense seems has been a strong suit for us for quite a while. However, our ballpark does not do us many favors. We have one of the biggest outfields in the league. The ball can drop easily infront or behind the outfielders for an easy single. As well as the high altitude, which makes it too easy to put the ball over the fence. It is difficult to see us in the postseason at the end of the year and I don’t expect us to be. Yet with all the promising aspects of the new team, we could see a lot of positive things in this season. Perhaps, we could avoid a last place finish and maybe even end above .500. In the next few years, I expect to see a lot of positive changes for the Rockies.

Photos from Wikimedia Commons

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The “Coach O” Segment by guest writer Owen Harris It was roughly a month ago when LeBron James’ comments shook up the NBA world. James was being interviewed by NBA TV’s Steve Smith and ended up constructing his “Mount Rushmore” of the greatest basketball players of all-time. James included Michael Jordan, Larry Bird, Earvin “Magic” Johnson, and the one and only Oscar “Big O” Robertson. James also shook up the world when he stated that he would be on the mountain one day. “I’m going to be one of the top four that’s ever played this game, for sure. And if they don’t want me to have one of those top four spots, they’d better find another spot on that mountain. Somebody’s gotta get bumped, but that’s not for me to decide. That’s for the architects.” - LeBron James With this new idea for a Mt. Rushmore, everyone in the basketball world chimed in. It got me thinking and debating with anyone who would have the time of day to listen to me: Who is on the Mount Rushmore of historical hoop figures in the NBA? There is no easy way to answer this question. Every decade, every generation had its share of players who they believe are better than any other group of players from a respected decade. You have Bill Russell, the greatest winner in NBA history from the 60s. From the 70s, names like Wilt, Kareem, The Big O and Julius “Dr.J” Erving stand out. From the 80s, who else but Magic and Bird. Michael Jeffrey Jordan owned the 90s and Kobe Bryant held the torch throughout the 2000’s until LeBron James has taken his spot on the throne. The question as to who belongs on Mt. Rushmore is nearly impossible to answer, but I will take a shot in the dark. I have compiled two possible lists. The Mt. Rushmore for the most iconic figures the NBA has had represent them over the years, and the Mt. Rushmore for the pure ability to play the game of basketball, both offensively and defensively. The following are my own Mt. Ruchmore lists. Mt. Rushmore (Iconic figures): Michael Jordan, Magic Johnson, Larry Bird, Bill Russell Mt. Rushmore (Pure Skill): Michael Jordan, Kobe Bryant, Magic Johnson, LeBron James For the Iconic Figures Mountain, you must obviously have the G.O.A.T (Greatest of All-Time) in MJ, and the greatest winner in the sports history (Russell, 11 Rings in 13 seasons, two as a player-coach.) You also must have the rivalry that changed the game and

brought the NBA to global status with Magic vs. Larry. The greatest player rivalry in league history was played between the most glorious team rivalry (Celtics vs. Lakers.) With my Pure Skill Mountain, you must have Michael Jordan again, without a doubt the G.O.A.T. Jordan is who every great will have to measure themselves next to. Johnson created showtime and the fast break with his smoothness moving the ball. He could play any position on the court, as he did in his rookie season in Game 6 of the finals where he scored 42 points and lead the Los Angeles Lakers to become the World Champions. That brings us to today’s NBA with Bryant and James. Bryant’s ability to score, pass, play defense and play through injuries while playing at an MVP-level is second to only Jordan. LeBron might be the most athletic player the league has ever seen. He seems to be an all-around better version of Johnson. Whoever you choose to put on the mountain, someone will be upset. No one will ever be able to pick out the four players who belong on the mountain out of thousands. I do believev that I did a good job of knowing who belongs and on which mountain. Without question, Michael Jordan is the only name that will remain constant on the mountain. After that… well, that’s just another debate waiting to happen.

Photos from Wikimedia Commons Edited by Ryan Shuman

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Sports

Action Photo of the Issue

Senior Miles MacKenzie getting ready to make a run at another state championship!

Photo by Haasini Ravisankar

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Entertainment

Entertainment Pop Culture Grid

Favorite Song?

Plans for Spring Break?

Pick-Up line?

Best part of your role in play/ FC Crunk?

Tonya Ingerson (Third Wave)

“Fly Me to the Moon” or “You’re the one I Want” by Chris and Thomas.

Visit a couple colleges.

If I were an enzyme, I’d be DNA helicase so I could unzip your Genes.

Playing an older person. It allows you to envision an entire life of a person.

I mostly Archeaologist, just squeak teahcer, social when things worker, mashappen to sage therapist, me. and, of course, acting.

Eli Bradley (Third Wave)

“Beethoven’s 7th Century” or “Tiny Dancer” by Elton John.

Visit some colleges.

I have too much respect in myself and others to believe in pickup lines.

Getting to turn into a raging facist during act two.

Don’t have one.

I don’t care how or why, but I want to be nominated for an Oscar.

Sam Neib (FC Crunk)

I don’t know.

Just staying here.

I like my women like I like my coffee... I don’t like coffee.

I don’t do much work.

Catch ya around.

I want to be a Special Ed. teacher.

Seth Osborn (Third Wave)

“Part of it” An old friend I see you’re drinking one by Relent K. is coming into percent. Is that ‘cause you town... I think think you’re fat? ‘Cause you’re not. You could we are gonna get together. be drinking whole if you wanted to.

Being a narrator... Though I wouldn’t like doing it all the time, it’s definitely a fun role to play.

Friend: “What’s up?”

Being a performer in musicals and plays full-time

“Dancing Queen” by ABBA.

I get to film with some great guys and make my foolish ideas come to life.

Q’s

Guy Margalit (FC Crunk)

Avoid sleeping Hey, I lost my number... as much as Can I have yours? possible, and stop being so sarcastic.

Your famous catch phrase?

Seth: “An adverb.” “I laike” - Borat

Dream Job?

To become a succesful surgeon.

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The

Entertainment

By Mike Sparkman The Velvet Underground “The Velvet Underground and Nico” (1967)

If you listen to alternative rock even a little, you owe a debt to this album for being the landmark that influences all alternative artists, be it directly or indirectly. The striking dichotomy between beautiful tunes and abrasive, noisy rock catches the listener off guard, and it is one of the most original musical statements to date. Best Track: “I’m Waiting for the Man”

Best Albums

Sly & the Family Stone “There’s a Riot Goin’ On” (1971)

Miles Davis “Kind of Blue” (1959)

This is why I listen to jazz. I didn’t consider myself a jazz fan before hearing this record, and you may not either, but give this album a spin and I dare you not to be enthralled. Miles Davis’ improvisational skills hit a peak with this album, the recording session literally was the first time his band had played the songs at all. This is the complete package as far as jazz goes. Best Track: “All Blues”

Bob Dylan “Highway 61 Revisited” (1965)

If anyone could add depth and intrigue to basic, bare-bones rock n’ roll, it was Bob Dylan. His bold step from folk to rock couldn’t have had more impact, and “Highway 61 Revisited” has the spontaneity and lyrical genius that made Dylan a legend. This is well-worth a listen. Best Track: “Ballad of a Thin Man”

The Beatles “Revolver” (1966)

Groundbreaking, innovative, legendary, and extraordinarily cohesive, many consider “Revolver” to be the best pop album ever. I’m not one to argue; this is my Beatles album of choice. What is truly amazing is that this album is notably experimental, just listen to the guitar solo being played backwards in “I’m Only Sleeping.” Best Track: “Tomorrow Never Knows”

this new age of songbased music, we’ve lost touch of what makes an album so great. An album can tell a whole, cohesive story. An album gives you an experience that is much more memorable, much more enjoyable, but requires a longer attention span to fully experience and that, along with the new digital song-based market, is why fewer albums are bought. Still, great albums are being put out today that deserve your attention, and are masterpieces. They are among the seventeen good reasons to keep on buying albums. Here they are, in chronological order.

With the 60s gone and drug-addled negativity left in their wake, 1971 was the perfect time for “There’s a Riot Goin’ On” to be released. Bluesy soul-funk with lyrics tackling the still-lingering issue of civil rights in America provided the soundtrack for Vietnam war-era difficulties, and it is as beautiful as it is downtrodden. Best Track: “(You Caught Me) Smilin”

The Clash “London Calling” (1979)

While it is best known as the definitive punk statement, “London Calling” is anything but high-speed, three-chord bursts of rock energy. Rather, the punk is in the lyrics, denouncing corporate greed and chronicling times of turmoil. This album is as riveting today as I’m sure it was in 1979. Best Track: “The Guns of Brixton”

Talking Heads “Remain In Light” (1980)

Take David Byrne’s ever-changing songwriting brilliance and Brian Eno’s production skills, and you get a “Once in a Lifetime” type album. It was fleeting, but for this moment, the Talking Heads seamlessly combined African-influenced funk with their literate art school new wave, and they seemed to have something everyone else didn’t. Best Track: “Crosseyed and Painless”

Royal Banner Public Enemy “It Takes a Nation of Millions to Hold Us Back” (1988)

Impactful, controversial, and wellread, Public Enemy were as fun as they were righteous, and this is their ultimate statement. Positively ringing with urban noise, “It Takes a Nation” is civil rights rap at its best. Best Track: “Don’t Believe the Hype”

Sonic Youth “Daydream Nation” (1988) Redefining what a guitar could do in rock, Sonic Youth forged soundscapes with their stringed noisemakers and blended them with conventional rock structures to create a surreal double album at the peak of their talents. “Daydream Nation” is joyous, noisy, head-in-the-clouds dreamy, insightful, and ultimately quite powerful. Best Track: “Teen Age Riot”

Neutral Milk Hotel “In the Aeroplane Over the Sea” (1998)

Likely the most unique album on this list, “In the Aeroplane Over the Sea” is a concept album inspired by the story of Anne Frank, brought to life by the brilliant mind of Jeff Mangum, whose band used antiquated instruments alongside fuzzed out guitars and crashing drums to make an instant classic. There won’t be another album like this in the foreseeable future. Best Track: “In the Aeroplane Over the Sea”

The Flaming Lips “The Soft Bulletin” (1999)

The Flaming Lips entered the studio in the late 90s wanting to make something radically different from their typical guitar-laden alt rock, and came out with an album centered around orchestrally arranged compositions molded into rock songs about life in general. Best Track: “The Spiderbite Song”

Modest Mouse “The Moon and Antarctica” (2000)

Basically a normal guy making interstellar prophecies while he and his friends rock out. Best Track: “3rd Planet”

The White Stripes “White Blood Cells”

This album is one really good reason to listen to rock, for the spontaneous enjoyment and adrenaline rush that one gets from a good rock song. That is epitomized here, and Jack White’s insane talent propels it as well as his thoughtful lyrics. Best Track: “The Same Boy You’ve Always Known”

Interpol “Turn on the Bright Lights” (2002)

The post-punk revival of the early 2000s brought several quality albums with it, none more original than Interpol’s debut. This is atmospheric, reverb-laden alt rock at its best. Best Track: “Obstacle 1”

Entertainment Arcade Fire “Funeral” (2004)

A grand statement about life as a youth in 21st century North America, “Funeral” is the work of several disenchanted young men and women inspired by an amalgam of artists playing many instruments (some of them obscure) at once, and they managed to make a gem of an album that evades categorization and blends together seamlessly. Best Track: “Neighborhood #1 (Tunnels)”

Kendrick Lamar “Good Kid, m.A.A.d. City” (2012) A grand autobiographical album that chronicles the struggles of a young man growing up in a difficult neighborhood in Compton, California, “Good Kid, m.A.A.d. City” is guaranteed to put things in perspective. This album is so cohesive it might as well be one really long song. Best Track: “Sing About Me, I’m Dying of Thirst”

Vampire Weekend “Modern Vampires of the City” (2013) Vampire Weekend’s newest album is certainly a step into new territory. Here, acoustic and electronic vibes clash, and the lyrics are obsessed with death and religion in the modern world. Regardless, the music is often upbeat, and the album ends up being their best yet. I strongly suggest hearing this new album. Best Track: “Step”

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Searching for the Real Top Ten

by Lucia Rose

In 2010, Sunday Lane released her first album, “Bring Me Sunshine,” which included the track, “Heavy Heart, Heavy Hands.” This song beautifully explores the pain and suffering that is a common motif in the poor neighborhoods of California. Lane brilliantly personifies ‘Justice’ to explain this tragedy, that many, in the neighborhoods she explores, would reflect on as normal. It has only 87,440 plays on Spotify. Meanwhile in 2010, “Tik Tok” by Ke$ha captured the number one spot on Billboard’s Hot 100 Songs. “Tik Tok,” very literally, is about partying all day long and then going on to party all night long. That is about it. “Tik Tok” has 47,726,447 plays on Spotify. Ke$ha also ranked number one on Billboard’s Hot 100 Artists that same year, propelled by an album consisting of songs mostly about partying. They are great songs to dance and party to, they’re fun and catchy. But have you ever heard someone say that a Ke$ha song changed their life? That got me thinking, how can a song whose truth, emotion, and integrity that rang so true and touched me so deeply, go so unnoticed? This song is a nobody in the high school of records, and yet it connected to me in a way that many number one singles have never achieved. A special song comes on the

radio and I feel “something.” That “something” is sometimes a loss of breath, a skip of my heart, a feeling of loss or misdirection, or sometimes one of purpose. Bottom line, a song that really truly means something to me that compels an unconscious and uncontrollable reaction. That is just how powerful music is. And yet, a majority of songs that leave me weak in the knees or give me enough strength to carry on have never been at the top of iTunes Top Singles Chart. Many of them are unknown to the general public and, sadly, will forever stay that way. My SoundCloud profile bio reads, “Searching for those melDo you odies that change everything.” ever find I truly believe that the greatest a song songs, the songs worth searchthat ing through hell and highwater connects for, are the ones that change you. directly They are magical and inspirato your tional. They are powerful and soul, but perfect. They are incredible. And you can’t just like “Heavy Heart, Heavy explain Hands,” or “Stand Still, Look why? Pretty,” (The Wreckers,) or “Oh My Soul,” (Mike Stocksdale) they go tragically unnoticed. I consider myself so incredibly lucky when I find a song like Submit “Heavy Heart, Heavy Hands,” beideas to cause it means I’ve found a little us on Twitter or pocket of treasure. I found this Facebook small piece of wonder, amazement, inspiration, and meaning. I found a part of someone’s heart. Someone’s raw and gritty feelings paired with their hard work led to this film or song that changes my world, if even for just three minutes and thirty-three seconds. There’s something to be worshipped in art that can change everything. And yet, we don’t

Entertainment

The Swan Song worship it. How can we not be actively searching for this collection of musical notes or strung together scenes that cause such a natural high? I can’t get enough of it, and that’s why no matter where I go, if I hear a few notes of a song that for some reason grasps my soul, I will try to memorize those arrangements of notes to hum into my “Soundhound” app later, or commit the lyrics to memory to Google them when I have a spare second. I will often annoy my brother when I start endlessly and passionately talking about the motivation, artist, or history of a song that was just on a simple thirty second commercial for laundry detergent. I can’t help it; I’m an addict searching for a fix. The beauty in this drug however, is that the high, the bursts of wonderment, can last forever. In the midst of my complexly-organized Spotify playlists, you will find a large quantity of songs the average American could not recognize. There are so many songs linked with memories, many others that speak directly to my soul. I will hold on to them forever, slowly collecting a musical biography that records memories, heartaches, and inspirations. Moments where I felt I could not go on. Moments I had never felt so happy. Some people collect dolls or buttons; I collect songs that touch my heart. I find it rare to meet someone like me, someone who is as infatuated by music as I am. Someone who will put in the amount of effort I do to find some obscure song I heard on a commercial or playing in a TV

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Entertainment

The Swan Song

Photo by Emily Ellis

show. That is what scares me, that it is a rarity to be so infatuated with this magic. I simply cannot fathom how someone cannot have such a passionate love affair with music like the one I do. I do not understand how anyone can just idly live their lives while mine is strongly attached to notes and lyrics. It terrifies me that so many of these songs that have motivated, inspired, saved me are not on the top of every top one hundred list. Instead they are songs that are solely catchy and pleasing. Maybe I’m wrong. I’d like to be wrong. Maybe the majority of people hear these songs that change everything for them, just as they have for me; but record sales do not reflect that ideal. There are so many people who will never hear “Heavy Heart, Heavy Hands” in their lifetime and how can that be? How can a species that discovered DNA and invented the lightbulb value generality and simplicity over complexity and originality? I want to live in a world where the art that transports you to different places, the art that leaves you feeling the indescribable or sends you sky high and makes you feel like you’re on top of the world is the most popular and most sold. Who knows if that will ever be the case?

Above: Top Ten song list on iTunes. Left: QR code“Real” Top Ten plus more playlist

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Humor

A Hipster Reviews By Maddie Stachniak As a hipster piece of scum, I scorn One Direction just as much as the next lover of Bon Iver. So, without further ado, I shall give you a breakdown of One Direction’s newest album, Midnight Memories, by significant song.

1 'Best Song Ever' The title lies. Although, it is admittedly pretty catchy... hey... what’s this? Why is my foot tapping? No! I must stop this now. Quick, put on some Animal Collective! Also, on a sidenote, Zayn Malik’s falsetto solo confuses me in strange ways because he sounds like a glorious baby-man.

2 'Story of My Life' If I had a kick in the shin for every tweenage girl that wept brokenheartedly while listening to this song, I’d need to have my leg amputated. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ll be listening to this song on loop and crying in the corner of my room… ironically, of course.

3 'Midnight Memories' I’m pretty sure this song is important because it shares the album’s name. Just a guess. Initially upon hearing this song, I thought I was mistakenly listening to the Camp Rock soundtrack. But alas, I’m pretty sure the Jonas Brothers ended up on the island where Drake Bell, Raven Symone and that dude from Phil of the Future whose name no one remembers now live. If you ask me, this track definitely needs more Demi Lovato.

4 'Through The Dark' This song sounds kind of like the guy from Mumford and Sons swallowed a gallon of honey and then smashed his banjo over his knee.

5 'Alive' I was told by a self-identified Directioner that this song is about sex. This disturbs me on many levels. While somewhat catchy, it also sounds like it’s from the soundtrack of a Disney Channel Original Movie.

6 'Half a Heart' “I’m half a heart without you,” 1D sings angstily. Awwww. This song is actually kind of cute. Maybe I’ll bookmark it for later… Oh no! What am I saying? What have I become? To be fair, as a teenage girl, I am genetically programmed to like this. But I clearly don’t. I’ll just listen to it ironically. And I’ll only ironically hang a life size poster of Harry Styles over my bed so he’s the first thing I see in the morning... Yeah. That’ll show them. I obviously hate one Direction. Totally... Image Credit: Wikimedia Commons

TOP5 28

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Spring break is coming up, and your friends probably all have fantastic plans. The Bahamas. Belize. A Caribbean cruise. You might feel left out or excessively sad this time of year, but no worries. Here’s a list of underrated locations that are actually the best spring break destinations in the world.

Absolutely nowhere

Everyone loves sitting at home for a week while their well-funded friends go to Costa Rica or Hawaii or some quirky coffee shop in Portland to ﬁnd that one, true hipster love. You can ﬁnally sit down and waste time on the Internet for 72 straight hours and completely ignore math homework. Obviously, this is a departure from your usual schedule.

Old person's house in Florida (but not beach Disney tourist Florida, northern, humid Florida) Northern Florida's a fantastic place. Gainesville? The most

Humor

SPRING BREAK

DESTINATIONS By Maya Jayachandra

open, welcoming town to ever exist. Southern hospitality is everywhere. Plus, with the absolute lack of amusement parks and beaches, you'll have ample time to ponder how existentially meaningless your life truly is.

That one family reunion in Kansas or Tennessee or Spirit Lake, Iowa

Ah, ﬁnally. The bliss you've been craving through the stretch of standardized testing: dodging family members you swear aren't related to you who are asking questions about your future and your love life and your grades and the underside of your right toe. Eventually, you'll throw your cousins and siblings under the bus in an effort to save yourself from the cheek-pinching Spanish Inquisition that is old people.

Cancún, Mexico

Alright, Cancún is ﬁlled with gorgeous beaches and is an anthropological treasure trove... except during the end of March, when obnoxious

American college kids go drink a bunch of alcohol and get high and arrested and sort of entirely obscure the beaches from view. This vivid counterculture of illegal activity and drug paraphernalia you watched documentaries on in eighth grade health class is a sight everyone should see once before they die.

Denny’s at three in the morning

The atmospheric Backwoods Midwest feel Denny’s boasts will make your vacation complete. Smells of grease, overly-fried chicken fingers from the fingers of chickens themselves, and watered-down coffee milkshake things are way better than any Caribbean beachside resort. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. If Denny’s is, for some tragic reason, closed (and such a travesty would be on par with the end of the world), you could always try the local Waffle House.

Image Credit: Wikimedia Commons

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Arizona’s Gay Agenda

Humor

By Maddie Stachniak A wake of controversy has recently followed Arizona’s proposed anti-gay laws. The legislation, which was vetoed by Governor Jan Brewer, would have allowed store owners to ban LGBTQ customers from their stores on the basis of religious freedom. This means that any gay person could be thrown out of an establishment for simply being themselves. You may be saying to yourself, “Hey, now. Isn’t it kind of wrong to kick people out of stores because they are a minority?” But folks, I am here to tell you that the answer to that is clearly no. I think closeted muppet and hero Michelle Bachman put it best: “I believe that tolerance is a two-way street, and we need to respect everyone's rights, including the rights of people who have sincerely held religious beliefs,” said Bachmann,

who publicly came out against Governor Jan Brewer’s veto of the bill. Bachmann really hits the nail on the head here. If I believe that someone is a second-class citizen compared to me, I am justified in treating them as such. It’s in the Constitution. And, because I am a true American, I carry the US Constitution with me at all times. By the way, ‘The US Constitution’ is what I nicknamed this large book I use to ward off rogue gays. But I digress. I have to say that I am somewhat torn over this bill. On the one hand, it would allow me to discriminate exercise my religious freedom against the ‘gay agenda,’ but on the other hand, it could potentially have a negative impact on the Arizona economy. Several major corporations, American Airlines, AT&T, Delta Airlines, Intel, Marriott, and PetSmart to name a few,

urged Governor Brewer to veto the bill, saying it would hurt tourism and business. There were also questions as to whether the Super Bowl would be held in Arizona next year if the bill were to pass. So folks, I have to confess that I am now caught between my two favorite all-American passions: gay-bashing and football. But these companies are also represented by true Americans. I ask you, what is more American than standing up for others only when your own personal interests are at stake? What is more American than treating minorities badly under the guise of religious freedom? Nothing, in case you were wondering. Except for maybe a bald eagle driving a monster truck called “The Immigrant Eliminant” over a mountain of Big Macs while simaltaneously singing Johnny Cash. Image Credit: Wikimedia Commons

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Humor

How To Open College Letters

By Rachel Perley

Cry.

This is always the best way to start- preemptive tears of sorrow (or joy.)

Pull up funny cat videos on YouTube.

Don’t lie to yourself, you know these are bookmarked on your computer anyway.

Build a fort of pillows.

Not only is this fun, it is also the perfect hideout for you to sit and cry as you watch your hilarious cat videos (And the pillows will help dampen your sobs of agony, or maybe happiness, as you open your letter.)

Start a bonfire.

No, not inside the fort. That would ruin the fort and put all your hard work to waste. Feel free to burn all your high school materials (textbooks, notebooks, APUSH packets).

Open the letter.

As they say, “the bigger the better.” But if the letter is thick, it is not necessarily not an acceptance letter. You’ll never know unless you open it.

6 7

Cry.

It’s time for the waterworks, round two.

Watch the cat videos again.

What’s better than cute little fluffy kittens to cheer you up?

Light ‘em up.

Take out all your anger and frustration watching the letter go up in flames (unless, of course, it’s an acceptance letter.) Put your feet up and roast some s’mores as you laugh about how all the kids who got accepted will actually have to do work next year. Image Credit: www.ashleecowles.com

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Special Feature

Who Says Different is Bad? By: Anna Preobrazhensky, Guest Writer

I grew up thinking that I was different, different in a bad way. I couldn’t do the things other kids did It was too dangerous for me. My skin was different, different in a bad way. When new kids met me they could tell that I wasn’t like them. That I was different. As I could see, again different in a bad way. Now I am older and I go to camp a camp where there are kids like me and I can see that for once I am the same the same in a good way. I go to another camp where there are kids with all sorts of skin problems. I can now see once again that there are people the same as me same as me in a good way. I am older and wiser I see that there are people who speak different Languages

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Spanish, Hawaiian, Chinese. I speak Russian. I see that I have found something different but different in a good way this time. As I grow older my eyes open and I am able to see things in a different light. Everyone is different in their own way. This is normal and to have it any other way would make everything boring and possibly aggravating. It’s nice to meet people who are different than I am. For as we all know opposites attract while like repel. I am a 16 year old girl. My name is Anna. I have a skin condition called EB. I speak Russian. All these things and more are the things that make the person I am. I am special and different. I am unique. I am ME.

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Becky Heinemann, MA, NCC Boulder, CO www.college-horizons.com

COLLEGE HORIZONS