May 22, 2015

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Fairview High School 1515 Greenbriar Blvd.

Vol. 55 No. 6 May 2015

The Royal Banner 14-15 Staff Editors-in-chief Rachel Grushan Varun Narayanswamy Alex Ray Lucia Rose Dave Sachs Maddie Stachniak

Section Editors Student News Keren Sneh Opinions Cameron Walsh Entertainment Laura Brack Sports Sage Rose Humor Ben Gelderloos Design Maya Jayachandra Photo Matt Hise Social Media Rachel Perley Marketing Mike Sparkman

Staff Reporters Hannah Carande, Owyn Cooper, Ethan Kennedy, Sara McCrea, Anna Preobrazhensky, Josie Russell, Alli Williams, Harrison Young, Isabel Zuniga

May 22, 2015

TABLE OF CONTENTS

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Knights of the Round Table // National Merit Finalists The Royal Banner Through the Ages Ask Anna // 23 Years of Fasion Who We Are The Future of Fairview Knights Across the Country College List Editor-in-Chief Goodbyes The Evolution of Sports Talk to Chuck College Athletes Stupid Movie Sequal Race Must End Sometime We Don’t Need Another Reboot The Top 9 #1 Songs of May 22nd What is Senioritis // Grandma at Graduation Puns Through the Pages: A Criticism of Witticisms

Courtesy photos: Celia Tewey

Business Adviser Sarah M. Zerwin For Subscriptions: Send $25 to Royal Banner, Fairview High School, Room 339, 1515 Greenbriar Blvd, Boulder, CO 80305, or contact us at dvir.goldman@fhsroyalbanner.com

About the Banner

Cover by Matt Hise Royal Banner logo from 1961 archives

The Royal Banner Magazine is a 24-page news magazine. The Banner is written primarily for the over 2000 students attending Fairview High School and is distributed free of charge to all members of the school community. Accurate reporting of fact is the goal of the staff. Commentaries, opinion columns and letters to the editor are the expressed opinion of the author and not of The Royal Banner and its Editorial Board or its adviser. *Disclaimer: Under Colorado law, no expression made by students in the exercise of free speech or freedom of the press shall be deemed to be an expression of school policy. No school district, employee, legal guardian or official of such a district shall be held liable in any criminal action for any expression made or published by a student. The Royal Banner sells advertisements for publicity and to pay for printing costs. We reserve the right to refuse to run any advertisement deemed inappropriate to the Fairview community.

Questions or comments? Visit us at:

www.fhsroyalbanner.com Check out the online edition of the Royal Banner for real time coverage of school events, additional coverage of print stories, photos, videos, and more.

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throwback theme: MAKING H15TORY It’s funny how you can have over 50 years of school history, neatly catagorized and filed, that never see the light of day. That is, until now. To honor this year’s graduating class and the history they have made, we are looking back at Fairview’s history itself. The Royal Banner dug into our archives, which date all the way back to 1960, and incorporated old issues into our Throwback issue. It’s interesting to see how far we have come since then, not only as a paper but also as a school.

We found articles dating back to the Vietnam War and the Watergate scandal, stories about legendary Fairviw alum Coach Chuck Pagano, and reviews of songs which are considered classics today. Look for the TBT sticker, which indicates which articles are related to the archives.

Enjoy the Throwback issue, and congratulations to the senior class.

Rachel Grushan and Varun Narayanswamy, Co-Editors-in-Chief

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2015

KNIGHTS OF THE ROUND TABLE The History of the Knights- from the 2002 Royal Banner graduation issue:

tbt Christopher Arehart Sydney Chinowsky Kirsten Garthwaite Claire Jones Nicholas Lanzoni

Cody Limber Aleah Matthews-Runner Luke Miller Calvin Munson Sarah Murphy Rachel Perley

Jessica Piper Haley Rogers Vivian Wang Jesse Zhang Fernando Zuniga

2015

NATIONAL MERIT FINALISTS

Nina Brown Sydney Chinowsky Hannah Chow Katherine Estoque Natalie Griffin Ryan Grippo Nicholas Gunther Lynn He

Charles Kolbrener Caitlyn Lee Kelsey Leeburg Nisha Maheshwari Sarah Murphy Rachel Perley Jason Perrin David Phan

Jessica Piper Chloe Pradeau Haley Rogers Samuel Scheeres Vani Topkar Allie Truesdale Vivian Wang Jesse Zhang 3

1980: Volume 20 Issue 30

By Keren Sneh @KerenSneh, Alli Williams @allijoyw, and Izzy Zuniga @izzy_zuniga

1983: Volume 24 Issue 5

Although Fairview has only existed for 55 years, a lot of history has changed the way we teenagers look at the world. Not only have these events changed culture globally, but also the inner culture of the very building you attend everyday. All of the following events have been documented in past Royal Banner issues and highlight how students reacted in their current society. It’s important to remember how much of an impact the voice of teenagers have, no matter which generation they’re from.

1986: Volume 27 Issue 6

World News Fairview News

By John Meise

Fairview offered “mini courses”: Back in the day, there were more classes to choose from when it came to electives. In the 70’s there were classes called “mini courses”, which included speed reading, 50’s dancing, Bible studies, and even flower arranging.

1974

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1972-1974

1974

Eighteen year old Seniors still had to apply for the Vietnam draft: Although the draft for the Vietnam War had been confirmed to have ended, many Fairview students still had to apply. In those past few years, any random eighteen year old male would be selected for war. Even at Fairview.

The Iranian hostage crisis begins: Sixty six American citizens and diplomats were held hostage in Tehran from November 4, 1979, to January 20, 1981 (444 days) after a group of students belonging to the Muslim Student Followers of the Imam’s Line took over the U.S. embassy there.

The Watergate Scandal is exposed: Between 1972-1974, several abuses of power by the Nixon administration were revealed, including recording conversations in his office and connections to a break-in at the DNC headquarters.

1974

Students were chosen for the longest running “quiz” game show “It’s Academic”: “It’s Academic”, one of the longest running game shows on television, included a few Fairview students on one of its 1974 episodes.

1979

1978

The roof collapses at Fairview: On Dec 9, 1978 the roof collapsed at Fairview during the ACTs. In response, Fairview organized a Hard Hat Dance on the anniversary of the event and the subsequent school day was “Hard Hat Day.”

Through the Ages 1979: Volume 20 Issue 13

Boulder becomes sister cities with Dushanbe, U.S.S.R.: On May 8th, 1987, Boulder became sister cities with Dushanbe, U.S.S.R. (now a part of modern-day Tajikistan). The documents were signed in the Boulder Municipal Building after Soviet Delegates toured Fairview and met students in Fairview’s Russian Club.

The Challenger explodes: On January 28th, 1986 the Challenger exploded 73 seconds after launch.

Six astronauts, Michael Smith, Francis Scobee, Ronald McNair, Ellison Onizuka, Judith Resnik, and Gregory Jarvis died in the explosion, as well as teacher Christa McAuliffe, who was to be the first civilian in space.

1987

1986

1983

Boulderites form a human chain around Rocky Flats to protest the arms race: Boulderites join hands to form a 17 mile human chain (17,000 people) around Rocky Flats, the only plant producing plutonium triggers at the time, to protest the U.S.-Soviet Arms race.

The Berlin Wall falls: Fairview students write in disbelief about the collapse of the infamous wall separting democratic West Berlin and communist East Berlin in November.

1986

The Statue of Liberty turns 100: October 28, 1986 was the 100 year aniversary of the dedication of the Statue of Liberty. July 3-6 of 1986 was termed “liberty weekend” and the recently renovated statue was opened to the public on July 5th.

1989 1988

Fairview switches to an 8 period day: The eight period day is approved by the district in the spring of 1988 and is test run during the 1988-1989 school year.

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1987: Volume 27 Issue 13

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Sexual harassment at Fairview is examined: A survey of 200 Fairview students found that 90% of students had been sexually harassed, with 80% of the cases by fellow students. 10% said their harasser was a teacher, administrator, or counselor.

1993

1991

The double block schedule is introduced: The double block system is introduced at Fairview and is test run during the 1991-1992 school year.

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Students at Fairview react to 9/11: During the chaos of 9/11, the current principal lead a prayer circle for anyone who wanted to participate right outside of the school.

Classes spent the majority of time watching updates on TV.

Fairview becomes a four year high school: Fairview is approved to become a four year high school.

Previously Fairview was only 1012th grade.

1993

Volleyball team’s bus accident results in one fatality: Fairview student Gail Suzanne Lessig is killed when the Boulder Volleyball Club’s RV flips over on a trip to San Francisco.

1993

2001

1994

Fairview’s IB program is evaluated: The still-young IB program at Fairview is evaluated by the International Baccalaureate North America as part of the certification progress. The evaluators commended the goals and ideals of the program, but expressed concern over the budget and curriculum.

Ask Anna

By Anna Preobrazhensky

T

he school year has finally come to an end, and it’s time to say goodbye. I’ve been here at Fairview for four years. I feel I have changed in a good way as I have grown and learned a lot. I’ve met some very dear friends that I am glad to have, and hope these friendships will last a long time. All my teachers have always been supporting and helpful and they have moved me along and guided me in the right direction. Counselors have encouraged me to complete all my work so that I can graduate. I have done a lot of work to finally arrive at this place.

There have been bumps in the road and some smooth sailing too. But this is it, here we are. The end of the school year.

I’m a senior and will be graduating this year. I can’t believe this moment is actually here. I plan to take all my classes next year at Metro State University and my major will be journalism. I will miss all of you. And I’ve been happy to be your Dear Anna. Keep working hard, Fairview. You will always succeed.

May 2015

Opinion

23 Years of Fashion What’s In For Guys Courduroy pants Hats (forwards) Polo shirts Necklaces Vans shoes Earthy tones

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The Nays Black jeans Hats (backwards) Flannels Two earrings Athletic shoes Bright Colors

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By Cameron Walsh

Anna’s dog, Peef

Every year we are constantly wearing new clothes, but what are the real trends sweeping through Fairview? Whether you’re looking for some 70’s fashion or just the latest and greatest in modern fashion, the RB culture section has you covered.

What’s In For Guys What’s In For Girls What’s In for Girls LuluLemon Polo shirts Generation X jeans Hipster Top Knots Sperrys Courduroy pants, skirts, jackets Instagram Mid Calves Hair clips Long Necklaces Khakis Old running shoes Heels Vans Glasses Leggings Lanyards Bright nail polish Birkenstocks

Desert shoes High waisted jeans and shorts

Dark fitted jeans The Nays

Skin-tight jeans

Slacks

Scrunchies As for nays, we haven’t included any for 2015. Some of the most

Tevas popular trends this year came from students who didn’t care what Contacts was culturally “in” and just did what they wanted. Wear what Large earrings makes you happy, Fairview. Rock those scrunchies and slacks.

1992 list taken directly from a “What’s Hot and What’s Not” article.

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Think you’re more cultured than we are?

Send your own fasion lists to staff@fhsroyalbanner.com

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Who We Are

By Rachel Perley // @RachelPerley

Photo credit:Matt Hise

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John Green is a writer. I’m just a Royal Banner staff reporter.

John Green is famous. I’m just a kid with dreams. John Green has four million Twitter followers. I have 47. It’s about the power of words.

“Maybe our favorite quotations say more about us than about the stories and people we’re quoting.” His words; not mine. I, like Pudge from “Looking for Alaska,” am obsessed with quotations.

And, ironically, this is one of my favorites.

It is simultaneously incredibly simple and exceedingly complex. Just like us. We put on a simple facade and blend into the world around us. But the reality under that facade is the complicated, tangled mess of who we are, who we were, and who we will become -- well, who we are becoming.

We need not fear that mess. “When adults say, ‘Teenagers think they are invincible’ with that sly, stupid smile on their faces, they don’t know how right they are... We think that we are invincible because we are. We cannot be born, and we cannot die. Like all energy, we can only change shapes and sizes and manifestations.

They forget that when they get old. They get scared of losing and failing.” Also his words, not mine.

We are invincible because we haven’t established who we are yet. This tangled mess of who we are can turn into anyone or anything. We shouldn’t try to become what people expect us to be.

That’s the thing about quotes. Our favorite quotes are so personal and lack influence from anyone else. They truly describe the core of who we are. Which is exactly why John Green is right. Our favorite quotes are personal. They are the core of who we are.

We must show that core to the world around us. Even though we fear what others will think. But as Taylor Swift would say, “Being fearless isn’t being 100% not fearful, it’s being terrified but you jump anyway.”

Photo Credit: Rachel Perley

The Future of Fairview

By Sara McCrea

As summer is just around the corner and this school year is drawing to a close, it can be many endings of things at Fairview. However, when we all will come back in the fall we need to focus on new beginnings, and how we want to improve ourselves and the school around us. We need to keep in mind that we can always make Fairview better. Though it’s might not be possible to implement some of the students’ material requests, it’s important to realize that we can change our school by just being a positive student body. As we walk around the halls on a daily basis it’s vital to remind ourselves that we can brighten someone’s day by just shooting them a smile.

That being said, I asked some members of the student body and administration to tell me what they would like to see in the future of Fairview. If you have an idea about something that could improve the school, don’t be afraid to take charge and start a project to make your idea into a reality. Even the smallest projects can help make Fairview a more positive learning environment for all, and can help inspire other students to make a change in Fairview’s future.

Question: What would you like to see in Fairview’s future?

“More fun classes - different electives will give students an opportunity to be open minded and will let them try different things.” - Ryanne Mascoli (10) “More outside classes; It’s Boulder!” - Anurag Golla (10) “Windows.” - Chad Bruce (9) “Keep CAT time.” - Logan Tidstrom (11) “Creating a place outside to make having classes in the outdoors easier.” - Molly Aber (10) “Better bathrooms.” - Katherine Kaufman (9) “Keep CAT time for more one-on-one time with teachers.”

-Ryan Langendorf (Teaching assistant) “Longer lunch periods and heating/air conditioning systems.”

-Vivian Wu (10) “I would love to see an outdoor greenhouse!” - Maddy Pawlak (10) “I would love to see more opportunities to meet other students in all grades.” - Arie Wright (11) “More in-school band marches and pep rallies because they’re dope. Anything to get that school hype!” - Noah Kahn (10)

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Background image of Fairview High School from the Royal Banner Archives.

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Knights Across

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1 8 0 0 1 1 2 186 3 42 2 8 0 4 0

By Lucia Rose and David Sachs 10

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s the Country...

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Map Courtesy of Free Vector Maps.com 11

Class of

Coby Hannah Edward Adrianna Michaela Delaney Logan Sterling Robert Taylor Beatrix Oscar Grace Samantha James Elizabeth Acharya CU Boulder Humsini Johnny Adams CU Boulder Quinn Colin Aguilera CU Boulder Jennifer Samuel Ali CU Boulder Minhaz Charles Allen Auburn University Maia Gaelyn CU Boulder Francisco Alvarez Alexandra Alvarez Morales Unknown Antonio Evan Alvidrez Lugo Unknown Luis Steven Alvine Unknown Jonathan Antonio Anderson Colorado School of Mines Grace Matthew Anderson Job Core Sheldon Juliette Andrew University of Nevada Sidney Alyssa Appelhans Unknown Wesley Brandon Apple CU Denver Andrew Gustavo Arant Amherst College Kaetlyn Emily Archibeque CU Boulder Jake Shivani CU Boulder Christopher Arehart Sophia CU Colorado Springs Giovanni Arellano Shauna Armstrong Santa Barbara City College Tobiah Neeve Ashe Gonzaga University Alexis Joseph Ashe Creighton University Collin Keenan Asmussen Cal Poly SLO Sierra Rachel Balaguer Colorado College Anna Mariah Barth Cal Poly SLO Kurtis Diana Bartz CU Boulder Claire Hannah Batan Unknown Hande Stuart Baughn CU Boulder Hailee Bayer Western Washington University Arden Nathan Elias Beerman CU Boulder Ginger Emily Beggan CU Boulder Kilian Christopher Bell CU Denver Brendan Katherine Bennett Fort Lewis College Curtis Sarah Benson The New School Zoe Stella Berkelhammer Connecticut College Sara Benjamin Bevan Pacific Lutheran University Laila Sophia Bhandari CU Denver Gaurav John Unknown Courtney Blain Angela Bloch Unknown Natania Victoria Bloechle Willamette University Emily Emory Boelts American University Emma Jackson Bohnen CU Boulder Shad Lahela Bollman Syracuse University Emily Preston Bonan Cal Poly SLO Alice Luis Bonan University of Washington David Samantha Cal Poly SLO Christopher Boone Tatiana Borum Unknown Jackson Alexander Bowland CU Boulder Grace Paris Box SUNY Buffalo Julia Monique Brachvogel Montana State University Max Anjing Brantley Unknown John Kelsey Braverman University of Missouri Jennifer Emma Brennan University of Wyoming Connor Isabella UC Berkeley Benjamin Bright Kirsten Brooks Earlham College Jena Niraj Brown CU Boulder Isabel Madelyn Brown CU Boulder Joshua Alice Brown Harvey Mudd College Nina Brownrigg Hutchinson Community College Nathan William Kelly Brunet CU Boulder Georges Janelle Brunsgaard CU Boulder Kristina Kayla Bucknam Baylor University Daniel Satya Buford CU Boulder John Benjamin CU Boulder Katherine Buhl Evan University of Denver Katherine Burns Samantha Cahoon Unknown Daniel Caledonia Pikes Peak Community College Natalie Skylar Ryan Caliguire Gap Year Joshua Monica Campbell CU Boulder Tatiana Ari Canalemayet Unknown Lucas Gordon Cantrell CU Boulder Connor Rodrigo Carande Syracuse University Hannah Nicholas Carr Oregon State University Brendan Neftali CU Boulder Courtney Carter Madeline Cates Western State University Preston Liberty Chambers UMass Lowell William Noah Chhetri CU Boulder Jophen Levi Chinowsky CU Boulder Sydney

2015

Chow Chow Christensen Clemenhagen Clyne Collins Collins Colvin Compton Conklin Conti Contreras Cooper Coppoli Corboy Corona Jimenez Cortez Crawford Crist Crouse Crowder Crowe Crowell D'Epagnier D'Esposito Dana Dean DeBella DeBella Depaula Devery Dixit Doerr Dolph Donohue Douglass Dowling Dreher Durment Edelman Edgar Edgerly Edgington Ellis Engelhardt Epp Estoque Evans Fang Farmer Fear Feauto Fei Felton Ferguson Fields Fitzpatrick FitzRandolph Flores Flores Follett Fontillas Franz Frey Fu Gallotte Gann Garcia Garthwaite Gautam Gebhardt Gehr Giblett Gilbert Goldberg Goldstein Gottlieb Gould Grainger Greening Griffin Grippo Gronseth Groobman Gu Guadarrama del Rosal Gunther Guzman Haimes Hall Halpin Hamernik

Montana State University University of Southern California Western Washington University CU Boulder Cal Poly SLO University of San Francisco Dartmouth College Arizona State University Unknown CU Boulder Emory University Unknown Emerson College Florida State University CU Boulder Unknown Unknown CU Boulder CU Denver Asbury University Florida Southern College Arizona State University Northeastern Junior College Western State University Colorado School of Mines Montana State University Colorado State University Grinnell College Grinnell College Unknown University of Southern Califonia CU Boulder Amherst College University of Denver University of British Columbia CU Boulder CU Boulder Washington University (St. Louis) Gap Year Chapman University Metro State Denver Montana State University University of Arizona CU Boulder Baylor University CU Boulder Unknown Unknown Washington University (St. Louis) Unknown Western State College University Adams State University UC Berkeley CU Boulder UC Berkeley Hawaii Pacific University Unknown Unknown Colorado Mesa University Unknown Illinois Wesleyan University Cal Poly SLO Miami University (OH) Unknown University of Chicago Unknown Montana State University University of Denver CU Boulder Unknown University of Northen Colorado CU Boulder Fort Lewis College Gonzaga University Gap Year Colorado State University Gap Year Fort Lewis College Williamette University CU Denver Northwestern University CU Boulder University of Oklahoma CU Boulder Unknown Gap Year Arizona State University Unknown CU Boulder Unknown Gap Year Western Washington University

Cosette Forrest Willow Matthew Elizabeth John Walker Hannah Mohamad Lynn Tyler Daniel Ilana Alana Austin Matthew Bridget Isabelle Jordan Micah Harrison Courtney Connor Isabella Lindsey Preston Jordyn Annie Arielle Asa Kathryn Rowan Laura Steven Christian Daniel Andrea Colton Dustyn Maricela Caralynn Anastasia Mari Katherine Charles Claire JooYeon Isabella Aneesh Samuel Andrew Isaac Ethan Sarah Hannah Halea Patrick Sara Christopher Hana Skye Kelsea Sierra So Yun Young William Adam Lauren Kai David Tai Melissa Savana Charles Charles Kyle Bruce Bridger Cameron Emma Caitlin John Annika Chloe Anastasia Nicholas Stefan Justus Michelle Caitlyn Hyo Min Jane

Hansen Hardman Hardman Harlan Harold Harrington Harris Hartung Hassan He Henderson Hendricks Hertz Hill Hinds Hise Hoag Hoagland Hoecherl Hoffman Holmes Hook Horan Hortick Hoskins Hovey Howard Huang Hubbard Huber Hughes Hussein Hutchinson Huynh Hynes-Scott Iarussi Invernizze Jackson Jaffe Jaime Raudales Jamison Jeffery Jewell Johns Jones Jones Jun Kamrath Karsanbhai Katz Keller Kelman Kennedy Kennedy Kerber Kerr-Layton Kerrigan Kester Key Kieger Kiere Kilbride Killingsworth Kim Kim Kirby Kiser Kiss Kloepfer Kocina Koester Kohl Kokora Kolbrener Konopnicki Koski Kreutzer Kroenke Kuchta Kunstman Laber LaChance Lai LaMar Langmead Lanzoni Lavender Leben Ledru Lee Lee Lee

College at Utah State University Kansas City Art Institute Unknown Unknown Vassar College Colorado State University Gap Year Unknown Unknown Unknown Unknown Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute University of Puget Sound Cal Poly SLO Unknown Fire Academy Gonzaga University James Madison University University of Mississippi Front Range Community College CU Boulder University of Utah University of Denver CU Boulder UC Santa Barbara Unknown Unknown CU Boulder Azusa Pacific University Unknown University of Northern Colorado Northwestern University Dartmouth College Colorado School of Mines Unknown Unknown Unknown Illinois Wesleyan University University of Northern Colorado Front Range Community College University of South Carolina CU Boulder CU Boulder University of Denver University of South Carolina US Military Academy West Point University of Pennsylvania Cal Poly SLO CU Boulder Colorado Mesa University UC Colorado Springs Unknown Arizona State University CU Boulder Gustavus Adolphus College The George Washington University Cal Poly SLO Gap Year Fort Lewis College CU Boulder CU Boulder Western Washington University CU Boulder Johns Hopkins University Reed College Unknown Unknown CU Boulder Gap Year CU Boulder Whitman College Whitman College CU Boulder Pitzer College Unknown CU Boulder CU Boulder Colorado State University Unknown Santa Clara University Boston University Unknown Montana State University University of Northern Colorado CU Boulder University of Washington Unknown CU Boulder University of Washington Dartmouth College The George Washington University Unknown

201

Tennessee Kelsey Megan Zoe Kieran Ksenia Clifford Alexa James Jessie Cody Jenna Hanna Aidan Gabriella Kyler Taylor Taylor Brian Arlette Adam Curtis Nicholas Bailey Michelle Benjamin Ryan Raul Aaron Nisha Casey Steven Iva Lucie Megan Nirakaran Kate Samantha John Claire Jackson Kasey Anthony Rebecca Thomas Xenia Sadie Aleah Connor Taylor Martha Julia Madeline Zoe Steele Gabe Joshua Tomas Noah Luke Samantha Lukas David Liam Nicholas Elizabeth Madeline Kaili Allison Jacob Casey Calvin Anna Sarah Tyler Sarah Jacob Michaila Zachary Annabel Danielle Brittany Tiffanie Hailey Lyric Anastasiya Dana Alison Molly Rose Cian Natalie

Lee Leeburg Lefebvre Lehn Lenssen Lepikhina Lester Levine Li Li Limber Linsley Lintukorpi Litt Lizarribar Lotte Lotte Lough Lugbill Luna Zapatero Lund Lyle Lyon MacInnis Maclennan Madden Madden Magno Mahan Maheshwari Mahon Maisnik Majeticova Majeticova Makam Malla Malmsbury Mardick Mars Martin Martin Martin Martinez Maslowsky Mason Mathys Matthews Matthews-Runner May McAfee McClung McCue McKown McLaughlin Mercer Merryman Meyer Mica Mihelic Miller Mislinski Moldawsky Molina Morrissey Morrissey Mosher Motsinger Mouscher Mulcare Munoz Munsch Munson Murphy Murphy Murrel Myres Naber Navarre Navarre Needham Neher Ngo Ngu Nichols Nicholson Nicol Norder North O'Connor O'Donnell O'Maitiu Oberer

Unknown Vanderbilt University Colorado State University Rhode Island School of Design Whitman College CU Boulder University of Southern California CU Boulder Carnegie Mellon University Unknown UC Berkley CU Boulder CU Boulder Unknown Unknown DePaul University Syracuse University Unknown Unknown Unknown CU Boulder Unknown Western Washington University Rose-Hulman Institute of Technology CU Boulder CU Boulder University of Oklahoma University of Arizona Unknown Harvey Mudd College Colorado State University Army Rangers CU Boulder CU Boulder Unknown CU Denver University of Illinois Urbana Champaign CU Denver Unknown The George Washington University University of Denver University of Oregon CU Colorado Springs The American University of Rome Gap Year CU Boulder University of Miami (FL) Northwestern University Illinois Wesleyan University University of Northern Colorado Earlham College CU Boulder CU Boulder Unknown Colorado Mesa University Unknown CU Boulder CU Boulder Unknown University of Wyoming Unknown Unknown Colorado State University Colorado State University Fort Lewis College Chapman University University of Wisconsin Madison Unknown American University CU Boulder CU Boulder Brown University Tulane University UC San Diego CU Boulder Regis University CU Boulder Unknown Unknown Gap Year CU Boulder CU Boulder Unknown Massachusetts Institute of Technology AMDA University of Oregon University of Oregon Pepperdine University Occidental College Chapman University Unknown University of Denver

Maggie Joshua Christopher McKenna Rachel Jason Dimitre Nolan Haley David Natalia Jarrett Olivia Jessica Anna Cristina Andrew Kennedy Nicholas Alex Sushanta Chloe Margaret Anna Elizabeth Evelyn Carrie Kayleigh Kyle Anatoly Irina Haasini Alexander Taylor Isabel Tessa Paul Sydney Tessa Izabella Karina Haley Lucia Gianna Isabelle Alana Alyssa Dylan Alison Josie Alexandra Jordan Brooke Timothy Josephine David Lea Alexa Paige Samuel Jessica Jacqueline Anna Matthew Haley Caitlin Nathalie Kira Taylor Kamran Katie William Sarah Will Matthew Hannah Skylar Haley Aaron Dakota Jonathan Foster Jina Trevor Tatiana Chenoah Jayden Reci Jonathan Molly Jake Jasmin Alana

Olsen Metro State Park CU Boulder Paskvalich Western Washington University Payes Unknown Perley Harvey Mudd College Perrin UC Berkeley Petrov Unknown Petruska Unknown Pflum CU Boulder Phan Northeastern University Philatova CU Boulder Philips CU Boulder Phillips Rochester Institute of Technology Piper Bowdoin College Pitacco RMCAD Pollack Colorado College Polly Auguste Escoffier Culinary School Porter CU Boulder Posen RMCAD Poudel CU Denver Pradeau Unknown Preigh CU Denver Preobrazhensky Metro State Denver Pritchard Colorado State University Pyle Drake University Ralphs Unknown Ralphs Unknown Ralphs Unknown Rapport Unknown Rapport Unknown Ravisankar CU Boulder Ray CU Denver Ray Unknown Reeves Northeastern University Reiss Chapman University Reynerson CU Boulder Richardson Augustana College Riehman-Bryan CU Boulder Robie University of Northern Colorado Rodriguez Front Range Community College Rogers Yale University Rose American University Rosenbach Unknown Roser Bucknell University Rosler Fort Lewis College Rosler CU Denver Ross Unknown Rowan University of Northern Colorado Russell University of British Columbia Russo Unknown Rutty Metro State of Denver Ryan McLennan Junior College Ryan Unknown Ryder Syracuse University Sachs University of Missouri Sachs San Diego State University Sanders University of Denver Sanderson Unknown Scheeres Oberlin College Schlauch SCAD Schmiedeler UMichigan Ann Arbor Scholfield University of Southern California Schreiner CU Boulder Schusterman Univeristy of Southern California Schwarz CU Boulder Schweiger Chapman University Scott CU Boulder Self Colorado School of Mines Shahbaz Unknown Shanks Gap Year Shanks University of Oregon Sharpe CU Boulder Sheerin Occidental College Shepherd CU Boulder Sheridan Fort Lewis College Sherman University of Washington Shoning LIM College Shore Unknown Showman Colorado School of Mines Sickbert Unknown Sicotte CU Boulder Signorelli Unknown Simmons University of Wisconsin Simoncic Colorado School of Mines Sinclair Unknown Slater University of Kansas Smith Wake Forest University Snedeker Johns Hopkins University Snipes Unknown Snow Seattle University Snyder Walden University Spritzer Unknown

Madeline Robert Michel Josiah Eric Karsten Trevor Sienna Richelle Anna Evan Christian Cassandra Gabriel Paulina Rachel Hannah Elle Paolo Zoe Mitchell Lorna Allison Tristan Jennifer Jacob John Vani Michael Allie Rees Samani Karen Jackson Jackson Laura Grecia Caleb Story Andrew Hailey Aza Sophie Polina Alilynn Ian Sara Robert Sonya Amy Vivian Bennett Alexander Emily Anna Sarah Julianna Sadie Madison Sophie Lilith Jordan Aiden Justin Oscar Haley Ian Allison Brent McKenna Natalie Daniel Kyra Calvin Madison Mallory Benjamin Annie Sarah Chaya Lei Yichen Andrew Alexander Kaylie Adam Jesse Noah Yuliya Fernando

Stachniak Stafford Stahli Stangoni Steele Steinmeyer Stern Stonesmith Streater Stumb Su Suarez Sukiennicki Sully Svec Swanson Sweet Swenson Takagi-Atilano Tanner Taydus Taylor Thamm Thamm Thomson Thoning Tompkins Topkar Topping Truesdale Tucker Upadhyay Uvina Vacek Vacek Vacek Valladares Van Boven Van Schouwen Vaughn Velds Verhoeven Villalaz Volgunina VonRock Waffle Wakely Waldron Walker Wang Wang Wantz Ward Ward Warm Waters Watson Waugh Webb Welter West Wheless Whelton White Whitney Whittaker Wilkins Williams Williams Williamson Wilson Windsor Witbeck Wolf Wolf Wolff Wolsleben Woo Woznick Wurman Yang Yang Yi Young Young Zarian Zhang Zimmerman Zlotnikov Zuniga

Colorado State University Unknown CU Boulder Arizona State University CU Boulder CU Boulder Colorado State University University of Denver Unknown University of Denver CU Boulder Gap Year CU Boulder Unknown Colorado State University CU Boulder University Of Arizona University of Miami (FL) Dartmouth College Sarah Lawrence College Unknown Emerson College Gap Year Gap Year CU Boulder University of North Georgia Gap Year UC Berkeley Unknown CU Boulder Unknown Brown University CU Boulder Occidental College Unknown Unknown Unknown University of Puget Sound CU Boulder University of Wisconsin Madison Unknown University of Puget Sound Unknown Elon University Gap Year Unknown Colorado Christian University Unknown CU Boulder Duke University Unknown Unknown University of San Francisco CU Boulder Grinnell College University of Oregon University of Redlands CU Boulder CU Boulder Unknown University of Northern Colorado Baylor University Unknown American University Unknown Colorado State University University of Illinois, Champ.

Colorado State University Virginia Tech CU Boulder Santa Clara University Fort Lewis Colorado State University Coastal Carolina University CU Boulder Colorado State University Gap Year Unknown Colorado State University Carnegie Mellon University Unknown Indiana University-Bloomington Georgia Tech University Colorado State University University of Denver Kansas State University Salina Harvard University American University Unknown Pennsylvania State University

015

editor-in-chief goodbyes David Sachs

Lucia Rose

We all struggle to understand who we are in high school. As freshmen, we wonder where we fit in, who we will become.

Conflicts and stressors are as numerous as acne and solutions as sparse as facial hair. The sea of hormones and social hierarchy can seem impassable, and when swimming alone, it often is.

Luckily, halfway through my sophomore year amidst a high tide of testosterone, a ship sailed by, waving its Royal Banner. My time on board taught me how to be a leader, how to work with others, and how to sail. Adversity still presented itself, but as time went on, the Banner showed me how to take things in stride and with good humor, while never taking things more seriously than necessary. It showed me the power of perseverance and work ethic, opening up doors to opportunities which otherwise would have stayed locked. I will forever be grateful for my time on the Royal Banner, and hope I could provide a fraction of the good for it, as it has provided for me.

Sonder: the realization that each passerby has a life as vivid and complex as your own.

-John Koenig (Dictionary of Obscene Sorrows)

Alex Ray Four years ago I couldn’t have guessed I’d be in the journalism program for the remainder of high school.

I walked into Baby J, and within four minutes I was scared into submission by the rushing tide of enthusiasm that is Doc Z. I was somehow coerced into joining the staff of The Royal Banner my sophomore year.

On my first day on staff of the Royal Banner, I did not think that I would continue on through my senior year, I honestly didn’t want to finish the day. I was uncomfortable with criticism and I was even more uncomfortable when I saw that I would have to change and improve. When you walk into the Royal Banner, you walk into something that’s more than a class. The journey to becoming editor in chief has been the most enjoyable of high school; the process of moving through the ranks of the newspaper and learning skills I can use for the rest of my life has been amazing.

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1,357 days ago, I walked through the halls of Fairview for the first time. 991 days ago, I became a member of The Royal Banner. Out of all the countless gifts it has provided me, I will always be most thankful for the connections it has allowed me to make with all of you. Fairview serves as a home to over 2,000 incredible people with vivid and complex lives, each with stories they may have never realized should be told. Regardless of the layout, the graphics, and the type of paper, the number one role of the Royal Banner is to find, listen, and share these stories.

High school lasts 1,378 days. That’s all we have to learn and hear each other’s stories. And then, just like every year, 545 seniors leave, and the clock restarts for the next class. It has been the utmost honor to listen and tell your stories for the past three years, and as I write my last words as an Editor-in-Chief, I urge all of you to take the time to listen to each other’s stories, to act on that feeling of sonder.

I hope that you might find that their words will have as much of an impact on you as they have had for me.

Maddie Stachniak I’ve been in newspaper and journalism since freshman year, and worked with the amazing Doctor Zerwin this entire time. Over the years, I’ve made some of my best friends and discovered what I’m truly passionate about. I plan to major in journalism in college next year and am passionate about telling people’s stories through journalism.

I’ll miss the J-lab almost as much as I’ll miss all of the staff, it’s practically become like a second home to me. I’m so proud of all the returning staff, and I know you guys will make the Royal Banner the best that it can be. You are the future journalists of America, God help us all. I love you guys. Peace out, nerds.

Congrats, chiefs!

The evolution of sports

Photos by Matt Hise, Haley Whittaker, Jonathan Waite, Greg Lems

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Talk to Chuck

By Harrison Young // @harrisonyoung6

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airview has many well known alumni. Actress Jessica Biel, MLB player Jesse Crain and NBA All Star and 1st round draft pick Tom Chambers. The Royal Banner spoke with one well know alum, Indianapolis Colts Head Coach Chuck Pagano.

Pagano, who attended Fairview High School and won the state championship with the Knights in 1979, still has ties to Fairview today. Pagano has two nephews, Carlo and Mariano, who are currently playing football for Fairview.

Along with Chuck Pagano, his brother and father also attended Fairview. His brother, John Pagano is the defensive coordinator for the San Diego Chargers and his father, Sam Pagano was a coach and player here at Fairview. “Absolutely.

Have no choice,” Pagano said on still keeping an eye on Fairview sports.

“Peach [his sister] is always sending me clips and highlights of the team,” he said.

After graduating from Fairview, he attended Wyoming where he started 2 years at safety for their football team.

Finally, after graduating college, his coaching journey began.

“My coaching journey started in 1984 at USC,” Pagano said.

He’s been in the game a while, coaching from 1984 through today.

“There has been a ton of change since I last played the game. The types of offensive and defensive schemes that are now being utilized is totally different,” he said on the change of football over the years. “Rule changes, player safety, and from a technology standpoint, it’s

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tbt Photo Donated by Chuck Pagano

‘79

truly amazing how far we have come in the last 25 years or so.”

After many years of coaching, and many jobs around the country with NFL and college teams he said he landed his “dream job as the Head Coach of the Indianapolis Colts.” But following gaining his dream job, his journey was not over.

In September, 2012, Pagano was diagnosed with Leukemia, which forced him to take a leave from coaching.

“We will all face some challenges in our life. Adversity is going to strike. It’s all about your faith, family, and an attitude that you will overcome any obstacle.

What you find out is that you are much stronger than you ever thought. The will to live, to be around for your family, is enough to get you through almost anything,” Pagano said.

In November 2012, doctors announced Pagano’s cancer was in remission and was eventually cancer free and returned to coaching on December 24th after

Pagano in 1979 missing 12 games. He had more support than he could ask for. The hashtag “#CHUCKSTRONG” went viral.

“I will be forever grateful to all those who embraced me and my family through my circumstances,” Pagano said.

Excerpt from ‘79 RB Vol. 20 Issue 11

College Athletes

Created by Sage Rose // @sageroserb // Photos by Matt Hise and Cody Limber Football Will Sheerin-Occidental College Johnny Feauto-Adams State University Steve D’Epagnier-Western State University Luke Miller-University of Wyoming Golf Jackson Vacek-Occidental College Soccer Gaelyn Crowder-Florida Southern College Reci Smith-Wake Forest University Sophie Fear-Western State University Hailey Nichols-MIT

Bailey MacInnis

Baseball Ryan Madden-University of Oklahoma Tim Ryan-McLennan Junior College Jake Thoning-University of North Georgia Tobiah Armstrong-Santa Barbara City College

Annika Lai

Swimming Julia Box-University of Buffalo Caleb Van Boven-University of Puget Sound Aza Verhoeven-University of Puget Sound Jessie Li-Carnegie Mellon University Kieran Lenssen-Whitman College Sydney Andrew-University of Nevada Olivia Phillips-Rochester Institute of Technology Daniel Hendricks-Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute Lacrosse Sarah Myres-Regis University Andrew Yi-Georgia Tech University Colton Jackson-Illinois Wesleyan University Connor May-Illinois Wesleyan University Steele Mercer-Colorado Mesa University

Johnny Feauto

Rachel Perley

Track Calvin Munson-Brown University Halea Kerr-Layton-George Washington University Preston Cates-Western State University Sydney Richardson-Augustana College Softball Rachel Perley-Harvey Mudd College Molly O’Connor-Occidental College Basketball Annika Lai-Montana State University Evan Grainger-Willamette University Volleyball Bailey MacInnis-Rose Hulman Institute of Technology

Will Sheerin

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Stupid Movie Sequel Race Must End Sometime

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by Scott Clapper // originally published April 1st, 1981

These days, the motion picture industry is relying more and more heavily on sequels of past box office smashes. This often used practice seems to be more popular to movie producers and less popular with the fans. That is, unless one is addicted to a certain sequence of films. To illustrate the sheer stupidity of all these repeats, one simply has to examine the scores in the sequel race.w Leading the pack in the number of copies from an original movie is “Airport,” which has had three copies. This does not even include spoof movies, such as “Airplane.” In second place is “The Omen,” with one original and two copies.

Moving down the chart, tied for third place are the movies “The Poseidon Adventure,” “The Rocky Horror Picture Show,” “Superman,” “Halloween,” “Jaws,” and “Rocky,” with one original and one sequel apiece.

In another area similar to the “sequel race”, there are movies that have not been patterned exactly after their predecessors, but they rely on a similar character or a parallel storyline for their base.

Movies of this nature include the whole James Bond sequence, which is currently holding at thirteen because there are no more books from which to make movies. Movies based on Agatha Christie novels, estimated at about eight, increase every year because there are dozens more books with which to make this type of movie. This category also includes “Star Wars” and its whole story. Although there have only been two movies of this sort released so far, there are plans to fill in the whole story of Luke Skywalker and his band of merry men by creating eight more productions.

As if these depressing facts weren’t enough to convince people to give up on these hopeless failures, the motion picture industry and the various movie studios within have made plans to continue the inane copy race. Announced to come out this month of April, “Rocky III” promises us to be the last of the ever-increasing boredom over these fight movies. To come out over the summer are “Grease II”, “Sting II”, “Superman III” and “Halloween III.” Who knows where this stupid race will end. One day the score may even be “Jaws” 139 and “Airport” - 228.

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“Rocky III” holds a rating of 61% on Rotten Tomatoes.

“Grease 2” holds a rating of 22% on Rotten Tomatoes.

“Superman III” holds a rating of 26% on Rotten Tomatoes.

“Halloween III” holds a rating of 33% on Rotten Tomatoes.

We Don’t Need Another Reboot

by Laura Brack // @RB_LauraBrack

“Godzilla” was terrible.

This movie shouldn’t exist.

If you’ve got a taste for terror, watch any remake of “Carrie”.

“The Goonies” is awesome.

No changes necessary.

In the 80s, it was the sequels that caused fans ire. Now, it’s the reboots and remakes.

Seriously, do we need updates on franchises that are already beloved by fans everywhere? No, no we don’t. I admit that some reboots aren’t so bad – the new “Fantastic Four” movie looks far better than the previous films (if you can even call them that), and Chris Pine’s take on Captain Kirk will probably be seen as acceptable by most hardcore Trekkies eventually.

Then there are the ones that just don’t make sense. This past year’s “Godzilla”, for example, was a disappointment. It wasn’t a bad movie, per se, but when you go see a Godzilla movie, you expect Godzilla. What did you get? Not enough Godzilla. Moreover, the trailers had hyped this movie up to be a showdown between Walter White and Godzilla, which would’ve been absolutely awesome. But no – Bryan Cranston is killed off half an hour in, and then the guy from “KickAss” spends the rest of the movie moping. If you’re after a recent giant monster movie, check out “Pacific Rim” instead.

Even earlier than that is 2001’s “Planet Of The Apes,” which took one of the most iconic movies of all time and made it downright upsetting. Helena Bonham Carter is an ape, who falls in love with a very, very human Mark Wahlberg – the extent to which that’s creepy is far beyond my scope. Also, a monkey flies through the electromagnetic field to save the world, which makes no sense in any universe. And Abraham Lincoln is an ape and how did that happen, again!?

1976’s “Carrie” is one of the most iconic horror movies of all time - Sissy Spacek’s stare as she destroys the gym is one of the most terrifying images ever. Naturally, the film’s since been remade. Twice. 2002’s “Carrie” is more accurate to the source material, but the terrible CGI was terrible, and the attempt to change the ending to make a backdoor pilot for a TV series didn’t work at all. 2013’s “Carrie” - despite its awesome cast, and keeping the ending as it should be - suffered from cheesy jump scares and action sequences that belong in a bad “X-Men” movie. (You have three to choose from!)

But maybe – maybe – the worst is yet to come. “Bill And Ted’s Excellent Adventure” just isn’t complete without Keanu Reeves’s signature “whoa,”, and yet it’s getting remade anyway. “The Goonies” is perfectly timeless – you could show that movie to kids in 2115, and they’d still probably love every second of it - yet it still, apparently, needs to be revamped for modern audiences. Hollywood, take a note from the lack of success these movies faced and start making some original content, for once. The money your studios will get will be worth it.

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The Top 9 Most Notable #1 Songs of May 22nd

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by Laura Brack // @RB_LauraBrack

airview High School first opened its doors 1960, and there is no better way to track the changes in the world than through what music was popular. From weird novelty clarinet hits, to the British Invasion, to Macklemore, here are the top 9 most notable #1 songs that came out on May 22nd, the date of publication for this issue.

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Mr. Acker Bilk “Stranger On The Shore”

Why is this song notable? Because it’s just clarinet. This entire song is some guy and his clarinet. It’s songs like this that were the reasons that we had to have the Beatles - without them, who knows how many irritating wind instrument solos would be on the charts?

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The Beatles “She Loves You”

She loves you - yeah, yeah, yeah. The ear worm of this song is insidious and will probably creep up on you in the middle of the night, but you can’t really complain - with a love like that, you know you should be glad.

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Percy Sledge “When A Man Loves A Woman”

“When A Man Loves A Woman” is a good song, sure; it’s also a giant double standard, about some poor guy being completely whipped by the girl he loves.

If she’s bad, he can’t see it; he’d gladly give up every single comfort for her, too.

In return, he just hopes she won’t treat him badly. Yeesh.

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Earth, Wind and Fire “Shining Star”

“Shining Star” is the ideal combination of a catchy tune and inspirational lyrics.

It’ll make you feel way better about yourself, and also like you want to dance. The only problem with it is that it’s short - 2 minutes and 51 seconds is nowhere near enough.

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3Kris Kross “Jump”

“Jump” is one of the many songs given the honor of being parodied on “Bill Nye: The Science Guy” - not once, but twice. If the actual lyrics of the song don’t appeal to you, educate yourself about the water cycle or magnetism instead. Science rules.

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Hanson “MMMbop” Long before the Jonas Brothers, One Direction or Five Seconds of Summer, there was Hanson - the non-threatening, long-haired group of brothers with catchy hits and insane fangirls, probably.

Apparently, now they’re up to making beer....called MMMhops. I wish I was kidding.

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Paul McCartney & Wings “Silly Love Songs”

Some people want to fill the world with silly love songs. Those people have succeeded. It’s 2015, I can pick a sweet, silly love song over a meaningless angsty breakup ballad without my motives being questioned. Thanks, Paul McCartney.

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4Madonna “Vogue”

Madonna is still making news (and music, probably) today, but her best hits lie in the past. “Vogue” is one of the rare dance-craze songs that actually makes you want to do the dance in question that is not an easy feat.

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1992 1997

Macklemore & Ryan Lewis “Can’t Hold Us”

“Thrift Shop” is what brought Macklemore to the public eye, but “Can’t Hold Us” is what made him stay there.

Those awesome piano chords at the beginning lead to rapping that can only be described as on point, with a chorus made of pure, unadulterated catchiness.

2013

Spotify Link

Check out the May 22nd Hits playlist by scanning the code!

tiny.cc/May22ndHits

or m hu

By The Seniors of The Royal Banner

Student’s Grandmother Plans to ‘Go All-Out’ with Air

By Mike J. Sparkman // @Mike_Sparkman horn at Graduation This graduation, excessively proud grandmother Myrtle Mandelbaum plans to make her grandson Jimmy’s graduation experience memorable. Fidgeting with nervous energy, Mandelbaum has been preparing to send Jimmy off to college with pizazz.

“Yesterday I bought an air horn at the market, and I’m-a going to blast it when little Jimmy’s name gets called, and maybe a couple more times on accident.” said Grandma Mandelbaum, her horn-rimmed glasses askew, “I just want to show him how proud I am that he made it through high school with a deafening, monotonous blast of sound waves.”

Upon hearing of his grandmother’s plans, Jimmy only had to say, “Oh no, Grandma Myrtle doesn’t know

how to control her enthusiasm, I was afraid she would go all-out.”

Jimmy’s older sister, Christina, was the first to suffer the crushing disappointment at her graduation at the hands of her overzealous grandmother.

“I was anxiously awaiting hearing my name called,” Christina said, “then all of a sudden, I heard it, ‘Christina Mandelbaum,’ then a startling ‘BLAAAAAAAANG,’ and Grandma Myrtle screaming ‘YEAH CHRISTINA, YOU DID IT!!!’”

Such public exclamations can not only be disruptive to the ceremonies, but also destructive to the pride of the students.

“Since then I haven’t been able to return to Fairview, the shame is too much for me to bear. I am terrified that the same will happen to

my brother,” said Christina, “Grandma Myrtle means well, but she’s too enthusiastic for her own good, and it’s starting to affect her grandchildren.”

Jimmy expects to have to use an alias and wear various disguises to escape the routine recognitions in the coming years.

“People will come up to me on the street, and get all excited, yelling, ‘Hey! You’re that guy with the air-horngrandma!’” said Jimmy. “I will have to get out of the

public eye for a while.”

In the last weeks, it has become more and more obvious that Jimmy is facing imminent danger, and his days as “Jimmy Mandelbaum” may be numbered.

When asked what he would do to avoid the humiliation, Jimmy replied, “I’ll probably have to try and fail my Jazz Band 4 class in order to keep from graduating, but it won’t be easy. I’ll do whatever it takes to avoid all that humiliation.”

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Puns Through the Pages: a criticism of witticisms

It’s no well-kept secret that news headlines are often riddled with puns, metaphors, and other quirks. Here

at the Royal Banner, for years we have been milking the many different ways to incorporate Fairview’s knight mascot into headlines past and present. Please enjoy (or at least try to survive) The Royal Banner’s best puns since its first publication.

February 24, 1961 “Students Crusading for Activity Center” 3.3

Ah, yes. Even in the days of cavemen and the building of the Berlin Wall our valiant and chivalrous Royal Banner had begun its quest to find the perfect, knight related headline. While the first ever students of Fairview may have not been trekking thousands of miles to distant Arab lands, or fighting battles with swords and horses, we’re sure the activity center was just as big a deal. While not fall-off-your-trusty-stead funny, this headline definitely deserves a pat on the armor for its encapsulation of the original Fairview spirit.

October 2, 1970 “Netters Drown in Creek, Hope to Sink Englewood” 4.4

Either one of these puns by themselves is horrible. Let’s be honest, you just felt a bit of your hope for humanity die when you started reading that headline. But when you put the two puns together, this tennis headline exceeds all expectations to perfectly use not one, but two schools’ names in a stellar pun. Our real question is why stop with the aquatic imagery? They could have said “Panthers bad swimmers,” or “Thunderridge feels the rain.”

October 1, 1971 “Knights Move to New Castle” … “Teachers Observe Kingdom” 4.0

The “castle” nickname for Fairview is indeed as old as the building. Already, in the first year of students using the current facilities, the name had caught on. The medieval themed titles seemed to never cease to be an amusement for the early knights, even if they generate blank, disappointing stares now.

January 28, 1980 “Jazz Rocks the Knight” 3.5

The knight-night pun. It never gets old. We’ll love it day and knight, with moon or stars, and light or dark… in the knight. This early 80s jazz enthusiast was really feeling the mood of the knight and encapsulated it in this title. While it is not terribly creative, we’ll always be big fans of the night pun.

November 15, 1988 “Cross-Country Club Caps Competition Courageously” 4.9

Not one, not two, but SIX words starting with the letter “C” in a row. Never before have we seen such powerful and lengthy use of an alliteration. Whoever wrote that writing was one wonderful whopper of a writer whose words were good. I bet you didn’t see that last word coming there did you.

November 13, 1993 “Singin’ in the Rain: A Downpour Of Talent” 1.5

You can’t unread that. You wish you could, but this horrible pun is forever burned into your memory. The theater department’s 1993 production of “Singin in The Rain” may have had many talented actors, but this title caused a downpour of tears from our eyes.

October 5, 2001 “The water of America’s resolve begins to boil” 3.2/5

Two days before President George H.W. Bush announced US involvement in Afghanistan, The Royal Banner rocked the print issue with one killer pun. As the nation reacted to the September 11 attacks, one young Royal Banner reporter found that the best metaphor to portray popular opinions was a heating pot of water. Just picture that. What would “water of America’s resolve” look like? It might be green, maybe red, and for all we know it smells like boiling artichokes.

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At the end of the knight, we are gratefeul for our past writers’ endless creativity and pun prowess. We thank them for their contributions to the Banner’s history, and we look forward to future witticisms!

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