The
Fairview High School 1515 Greenbriar Blvd.
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Friday, December 13, 2013 Vol. 54 No. 2
Coffee Wars!
Find Out Where To Get The Best Coffee In Boulder
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Inside Scoop?
Santa Sees You When You’re Sleeping!
28-29
Self Defense Tips Learn to Defend Yourself in a Tough Situation
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Student of the Issue: Find Out About Ian McPherson and Dustin Michaels - 17
Grade Culture: Why the system is flawed
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Photo by Emily Ellis
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Royal Banner Photo donated by Steven Wozniak
My last words were "Stay gorgeous. I’ll see you soon." And you taught me how to howl at the moon. Your heart was always light, even if times were dire. And if attitude could talk, yours would say "Let’s start a fire" You were always the one who would speak your mind, And you knew in every tragedy, there was treasure to find. Your imagination would flow like water from a fountain, And your soul was wild, and untamed like the mountain. Your spirit will stay with us, like the whispers in the wind, You were one of a kind, and I'll love you to the end. You could glide across life, on your own pair of skates, Now you’re off to your next adventure, and The Trail awaits.
Aysha Remembered - Ryan Mettler, Senior
Purple was Aysha’s favorite color
Aysha Kazziha, a senior at Fairview, passed away in October. She will be greatly missed. For Aysha, A Bouquet Of Clumsy Words Aysha was a beautiful girl. I don’t mean in the superficial, the way she looked beautiful, I mean in a more lasting, more permanent kind of beautiful. Aysha had spirit, she had a joy for life and for living and for defiance and for passion, she lived more in her 17 years than most people do in 75. An accepting person of great magnitude, nothing shocked Aysha much. She lived, and the most beautiful thing about her was that she expected other people to live right along with her. My friendship with Aysha started much like many who knew her. She was in the hall, singing a song by Radiohead, and in my excitement of finding another Radiohead fan, asked her if she liked Radiohead. The following conversation pretty much defined our friendship from then on. “Oh my god do you like Radiohead?” With that very Aysha-like enthusiasm she replied “Of course! Who wouldn’t?” “Deaf people” I replied, after giggling for a while, she said “Let’s be best friends.” Not giving it a second thought I said “Yes, for sure” Since then, that was us, we liked the same music, we laughed at the same weird things, that friendship has been one of the most meaningful friendships I have had so far. One thing Aysha had that I always admired, among other things, was her dark sense of humor. I remember when the school was under a bomb threat, Aysha in her usual way started chanting “BLOW UP! BLOW UP! BLOW UP!”
Someone a few seats down from us, who knew her yelled back “AYSHA STOP BEING A STEREOTYPE!” So much like her, she altered the chant to include “ALLAH! BLOW UP! ALLAH! BLOW UP!” The sheer irreverence was 100% her, through and through, and it definitely lightened the brevity of the situation we were in, and that was her, she always found the humor in any given situation, no matter how ridiculous or serious. Aysha was a person who played by her own rules, and the way she lived has definitely influenced me in ways I can’t even begin to describe. She showed me that being different is not only okay, but is a brave and simultaneously beautiful thing to do. Her effect on me will last long, in the few years I knew her, I learned a lot about living and life from her, and her too short 17 years were most definitely not wasted. Aysha will always be a part of me, no matter where I go, or what I’m doing, I will always remember the girl who sang Radiohead in the hallway, and went with me to my first concert, and climbed trees with me around Viele Lake after school, just laughing, living. I will miss her, but Aysha wasn’t one to wallow in self-pity. Living and loving is the thing that she did best, and I plan on following her excellent example, to keep that same spirit alive. This is the beauty I was talking about, this is Aysha, and her profound effect on the world around her.
-Daelin Bessett, Senior
Aysha
Don’t be Afraid to Get Help! by Savarone Ammann
Often times, people who appear to be doing just fine, may be struggling more than one could imagine by gazing upon the surface. It is important to understand how to approach touchy situations or begin difficult conversations. The truth is, many of us find it remarkably difficult to open up and express a dwelling issue in our personal lives to others. Luckily, telling someone is the hardest part and the rest is a matter of healing and discovering a solution to a problem that may be keeping happiness just out of reach. Everyone has issues that arise in their lives. Some are more severe than others, but small or large, venting and opening up to someone can relieve pressure and create a solution to any problem. The Fairview community has many wonderful reputations, one that is exceptionally important is the safety and security of its students, on all levels. Rose Lupinacci, the Dean of students and former Interventionist at Fairview, spoke with The Royal 1995 - 2013 Banner about coping with depression or even just minor issues that occur in the lives of students. “I think everybody, every adult, every student, wants to make sure people feel safe,” said Lupinacci. If students are feeling emotional about something in their lives she recommends telling friends and also adults around them, especially if they are contemplating hurting themselves or having thoughts of suicide. “Telling friends is a great option but sometimes they may not know what to do,” said Lupinacci. Most of the time if someone is depressed, it is the ones around them who notify an adult first. If students are worried for a friend it is greatly appreciated by Fairview faculty to be notified. At times, someone who is feeling overwhelmed may not feel comfortable addressing someone about their problem especially if they are considering harming themselves. “Students are afraid to admit that there is weakness and show that they need help. No one should feel that desolate, thats an awful place to be,” said Lupinacci. Opening up can be a struggle on its own, however, this is the best way to cope and receive help from others. It is impossible for someone to help if they are clueless. “Being able to talk about yourself is a great way to mature and develop and process what goes on in this building every day,” said Lupinacci. As former Interventionist, Lupinacci has dealt with student issues of all sizes. “There are so many people that come through more than okay and turn out even better,” she said. Whether you are feeling overwhelmed or even just need to vent a small issue that has been bugging you, use the adults in the Fairview community. The counselors and Interventionist are here for the sake of your mental health. Teachers and administration are also excellent options, and of course use your friends. This is a community that cares about all of its students!
Resources:
National Suicide Prevention Hotline 1-800-273-TALK Mental Health Center Boulder 303-443-8500 www.sourcesofstrength.org
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Table of Contents
Beginning Journalism Student: Street Art 5-6 2013 Headlines 7 Boulder to Kathmandu: Miss World Nepal 2013 8-9
opinions
The Culture of Grades is a Flawed System 10-11 Veganism and Vegetarianism 12-13 College Applications: Where does the stress stem from? 14
student life
Examining Fairview’s Phone Policy 15 Top Ten Final Exam Study Tips 16 Students of the Issue 17
sports
The “Coach O” Segment 18 The Struggle of Club Sports 19 Self Defense Tips 20 Investigating Fitness 21 Action Photo of the month-22
entertainment
Z-Tunes: Holiday Music Review 23 Blockbusters for Break 24 Coffee Shop Wars 25 Music Industry Losing Integrity 26 Coloring Page 27
humor
He Sees You When You’re Sleeping 28 - 29 How to Survive Finals 30 Westboro was Right! 31
Extra
Aysha Remembered 2 Advertisements 4 State Championship Photo Page 32
Finals Schedule Monday
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Tuesday
3,5
Wednesday 1 , 7 Thursday
4,6
Graduation Count Down:
163 Days
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Advertisements
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News
Creativity for the Public Eye
Bottom three: (left to right) 20th Bottom and Th ree: Pearl, alley(left waytoberight) tween 20th 12th and and Pearl, 13th alleyway streets, between 21st 12th and and 13th Pearl streets, 21st and Artist Pearl. unArtist is known. unknown.
Photography Mason Noteboom Modeling Katherine Johnson
Left: 21st and Pearl.
by Mason Noteboom
Few buildings have colroful art on their exterior walls. The sides of buildings, however, can act as canvases to some artists. These shops in north Boulder are a few examples that are enjoyed by the public.
Artist Left: unknown. Katherine Johnson poses infront of colorful public murals on 21st and Pearl. Artist is unknown.
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Upper left, top, right, all 20th and Pearl Top artist: THiLKE Furthest left: ‘Monarch Dragon by Android Jones. 20th and Pearl
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2013: A Year in Headlines By Lucia Rose
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than 1,000 unaccounted for in deadly Colo. floods Powers Strike Deal with Iran over Nuclear Pro1 World 5 More (USA Today) gram (USA Today) On November 24, 2013 a deal was finally agreed upon. Iran will curb its nuclear weapons development, if the other sanctions on Iran become more lenient?
Starting on September 9th, Colorado endured a coldfront paired with high humidity, that resulted in heavy reaching over 17,500 homes damaged or destroyed.
Pastor Says He Was Fired For Same-Sex Wedding Mayor Ford Admits Crack Cocaine Use (CNN) 6 Pa. 2 Toronto (CBS) In October of 2013, Toronto Mayor Rob Ford admitted sustained crack cocaine use. Despite his embarrassment, Ford plans to run for reelection and refuses to step down from office.
Typhoon Death Toll Rises Above 5,000 3 Philippine (Yahoo News)
Typhoon Haiyan had landfall on November 10, 2013. The typhoon sustained winds of over 72mph for many hours and claimed more than 5,000 lives. This disaster prompted extensive international relief efforts.
Rev. Ken Kline was fired by his congregation after conducting the wedding of two men in Central Pennsylvania. Even though Pennsylvania maintains a Defense of Marriage act, those recieving licenses from the county clerk’s office before July are allowed to be legally wed.
Mandela Dies at 95 (Wall Street Journal) 7 Nelson Nelson Mandela died at his home in Johannesburg
on December 5, 2013 due to lung infection. Mandela led South Africa’s transition from apartheid rule in the 1990s after 27 years in prison.
NASA MAVEN Mars Mission Launches (BBC News) 4 MAVEN (probes) will orbit Mars in order to study its 8 Boston Marathon Bombing Kills 3, Injures Over 140 atmosphere. The information gained from MAVEN will (AP) hopefully provide insight into Mars’ history, climate, and liquid water. The probe is the length of a school bus and weighs 5,410 lbs.
Image by Wikimedia Commons
On April 15, 2013, two bombs exploded near the finish line of the Boston marathon. Three were killed and 264 were injured in the initial explosion, while two more were killed and 13 more injured in a firefight with a suspect three days later.
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Boulder to Kathmandu Story by Lucia Rose
Miss World-Nepal 2013
“M
y life is an adventure...and I plan to keep it that way,” reads Ishani Shrestha’s biography. Shrestha graduated from Fairview High School in 2006 and staying true to that statement, her life continues to be an adventure. After graduation, Shrestha returned to her homeland of Nepal to study dentistry, and in March of this year, she was chosen to represent Nepal in the 2013 Miss World Pageant which concluded this September. The Royal Banner sat down with Shrestha’s parents in October (see story at fhsroyalbanner.com) and was recently able to conduct an interview with Shrestha. When did you attend Fairview?
What was the experience of the Miss World competition like?
I attended FHS from [the] academic year [of] 2006-2007 to 2008-2009 (my sophomore year), and I graduated from FHS. The years I spent in FHS are nostalgic, and are treasured in my heart
What do you remember most about FHS?
Miss World was a golden opportunity to explore my talents, my potentials, learning new lessons, making friends from 127 nations across the world, and discovering the beautiful and exotic Indonesia. It was an experience no amount of money could purchase.
I miss everything about FHS, but most of all I miss my cheerleading and StuCo days. Our school was so competitive in academics, sports and all the extracurricular activities used to be so much fun!
What did you gain most from the competition? From the Miss World pageant, I gained 127 friends across the world, life lessons, fond memories, and most importantly I learned of the entire key to success: hard work! What is project smile?
Photos: Babu Shrestha
Project Smile, is my initiative in changing our world one smile at a time. Being a student of dentistry, I took the initiative to spread awareness about Oral Health and Hygiene. I also do fund-raising events where I collect clothing, money, stationeries, and toys for the less privileged citizens of our community. I host different workshops to inspire and motivate people to use their talents to bring a radical-positive change in our world.
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Photos: Babu Shrestha
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How can Fairview students help promote the values of project smile? I come from a developing nation: Nepal. Hence, it is a struggle to get financial help, and donations to host workshops and dental health camps. I would like to request my juniors from FHS to put your helping hands forward in whatever way you can. I will be eternally grateful to you all!
What do you plan to do next? Project Smile, and Miss Nepal is just an episode of my life. Sadly, every good thing needs to come to an end... After my reign, I will move on with my life. I want to complete my education and with the degree I would like to educate people with the knowledge I have acquired. I also plan on establishing Project Smile in an international level. I believe I have greater things in this world to conquer, and I anticipate my future with excitement.
What advice would you give Fairview students? I would like to advise the FHS students to always work hard and dream big. You all live in a country of opportunity that many other people from developing nations are deprived from. Take this opportunity. Be a role model of your own kind. Whatever you do in life, give it your 100%.
“Be a role model of your own kind. Whatever you do in life, give it your 100%”
“I
give my sincere gratitude towards my Fairview High School Family. Everyone I met during my high schools days have, in a way, contributed towards making me the strong, confident, independent, and educated woman I am today. Thank you: Mr. Stensrud and all of the faculty members of Fairview High School. I cannot wait to visit, and re-live my days as a Knight. I wish Fairview nothing but the BEST!”- Ishani Shrestha
Gold Crown Photo: Wikimedia Commons
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Opinions
The Culture of Grades is a Flawed System By the Royal Banner Staff
There’s this assumption that students don’t want to learn and they won’t learn and they won’t be motivated unless there are sticks and carrots. I don’t think that’s true. I think that human beings inherently want to improve, they want to learn, and they’re curious. And if we’re providing environments where that curiosity can thrive, then in my experience when I give students enough choice and freedom to explore their ideas, they do do their best. Without a stick and carrot. ~Paul Bursiek Fairview has a reputation for being an academically rigorous school with successful students. Newsweek ranked Fairview the 98th best high school in America, with the only other Colorado school represented in the top 100 being Peak to Peak Charter School. Fairview has a 100% graduation rate, 92% college acceptance rate, an average SAT composite score of 1829, an average ACT score of 26.1, and an average score of 3.7 for all AP tests. These are exemplary figures for any high school, let alone a public one. All of these scores and statistics could not be achieved without a very heavy focus on academics throughout the school. However, the fact of the matter is that there isn’t a focus on learning, it’s a focus on grades. “I think that kids are too focused on the grade...they think that the letters are what will get them into college, and they think that is what ultimately is more valuable,” said Hayley Hyde, senior. Josh Whitaker, sophomore, echoed that sentiment, saying, “The entire focus of high school is college, so it’s more important to have good grades for college than actually understanding it [the material]. People learn, but they aren't here to learn, they are coming here to get good grades so
they can go to college.” The question remains: what is the point of having a 4.6 GPA, 2200 SAT composite, 32 ACT, and being accepted to Yale, if you don’t learn anything in the process? What is the point of receiving an A in your math class, if you don’t truly understand what was being taught? Why does Fairview, and the American school
“Grades absolutely detract from the learning process, and we, as a community, must start to question why we blindly abide by this archaic system of reward and punishment.” system as a whole, fail to create a balance between learning and assessments? In short, the answer is: it’s difficult. Dan Albritton, chemistry teacher at Fairview, says “That’s a tough thing to balance—hopefully, students will be able to think ‘oh, I should be able to know how to do this. Not because of the quiz on Friday that’s 10 points, but because I can use it later.’ But that’s really hard to do.” Paul Bursiek, a language arts teach-
er renowned for his unorthodox grading style, said, “There’s this assumption that students don’t want to learn and they won’t learn and they won’t be motivated unless there are sticks and carrots. I don’t think that’s true. I think that human beings inherently want to improve, they wanna learn, and they’re curious. And if we’re providing environments where that curiosity can thrive, then in my experience when I give students enough choice and freedom to explore their ideas, they do do their best. Without a stick and carrot.” He then posed an interesting question: “Do we really have to do that testing along the way? I’m not saying we don’t, but I think that’s an assumption where we haven’t fully explored its validity.” Why can we not question the entire culture of grades around school? Why do we need to test students at every turn? Do we need to force unnecessary pressure on the students? Grades absolutely detract from the learning process, and we, as a community, must start to question why we blindly abide by this archaic system of reward and punishment.
If you have any ideas for future staff editorials, tweet us @FHSRoyalBanner
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Opinions
The Best Holiday Gift: Veganism and Vegetarianism
By Aleah Matthews-Runner
Veganism and vegetarianism are increasingly important to supporting animal rights in the United States. The industry surrounding animal products, more often known as factory farming, is cruel and horrific. According to PETA, a single vegan saves more than 100 animals each year. Peter Young, a renowned animal rights activist and a vegan, said, “I just like the quieting of my conscience, I guess you could say. And then I know that I’m not directly contributing to animal suffering. Or at least I’m not contributing to 99% of it.” West Dolsen, a freshman at Fairview, said, “you could believe that you are saving some animals, you could believe that you are more environmentally friendly. We were sort of built to eat meat, but we don’t have to.” According to the Food Empowerment Project, to produce milk, cows have to be impregnated constantly. Immediately after a mother cow gives birth, the calf is permanently taken away from the mother. If the calf isn’t made into veal, the male calf is sent to slaughter and the female calf is made into a dairy cow. Once a dairy cow is unable to produce any milk, she is sent to slaughter to make cheap beef. To look at dairy from health perspective, John Pierre, author of “The Pillars of Health”, said at a vegan convention, “Remember you are taking in an hormonal secretion from a bovine. Hormonal. ... She still has natural hormones and antibodies she’s trying to give her baby.” According to the Food Empowerment Project, a cow that could live up to 25 years naturally, is butchered
when they are a little over one year old. Growth hormone is used on the young cows to make them mature in that year. The only difference between organic beef and non-organic beef is that cows made into organic meat are fed organic grain, Graph by Aleah Matthews-Runner while the treat- Data from John Robins, author of “Diet for a New ment of the cow America” and founder of Earthsave Int. is exactly the in their confinements. same. Factory farmed chickens can only Pierre said that, for non-organic lay for a few years out of their 10 year beef, farmers feed their cows unreglife span. Soon after they stop laying, ulated grain, so those grains are covthey are packed into cages and sent ered in pesticides. Then 14 pounds of to slaughter. that grain becomes 1 pound of beef As for meat, no matter how you that you consume, so you are eating look at it, you are killing an animal to concentrated pesticides. have one meal. An animal that could Eggs are another issue. It is a comhave had a full, happy life, is instead mon misconception that organic tortured from the moment it was eggs or free-range eggs are better born until the moment a machine than battery-cage eggs. chopped of his or her head, or shot Young said, “Free range is very him or her. unregulated, so the term is basically Young said, “I think we can all meaningless. I’ve been to these soagree, I don’t even think the most die called free range farms and it’s just a hard meat eater would argue with the bunch of animals packed into a shed. fact that animals have emotions… It’s They may not have cages but they more of an issue of how much imstill exist in horrible suffering.” portance we assign those emotions, According to Action for Animals, whether those emotions should be the treatment of both cage-free and respected… why would you want to battery-caged chickens is the same, cause an animal unneeded suffering.” as in both cases their beaks are hot Contributing to factory farming ironed flat when they are chicks, so they won’t peck each other to death Continued on page 13...
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Photo by Wikimedia Commons
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Opinions and the meat industry is directly supporting the unnecessary suffering of millions of animals. Peter Young said “I’ve always hated bullies, and I feel like our relationship with animals is fundamentally a bullying relationship. We impose our will on them simply because we can get away with it, because we are stronger than they are… I know that it’s not okay for me to impose my will on another creature just because I can.” Plus, animal products aren’t necessary to be healthy. According to PETA, eating animal products is a recipe for heart disease, cancer, and obesity. Vegans and vegetarians live 10 years longer than meat eaters, on average. Alice Pinson, a senior at Fairview High School, said, in reference to her cousin, “she didn’t like what was happening to animals… some people believe they’re better than eating meat, and they don’t have to so they eat plants.” The best gift this holiday season would be to spare an animal’s life. Young said, “Especially around Christmas time, think about, you know, do you have a dead animal on your dinner table? Think about the life that animal endured and the life that animal had to give up so that you could enjoy that one meal. It had to sacrifice its entire life for that meal… What if it was your dog on the dinner table, that’s a point I like to make, there’s really no difference, just purely a cultural bias.” Start the New Year as a vegan or vegetarian. Educate your friends and family on how they are absent-mindedly harming animals. Nirguna Poudyal, a sophomore at Fairview High School who has been a vegetarian since she was 12, said “Try it out, like, it made my, like, meals a lot healthier. Like I’m more energetic and stuff.”
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Student Life
College Applications: Where does the stress stem from? By Guest Writer Rylie McMillan It’s no secret that for most high school students, the pinnacle of their four years will be finding a thick envelope waiting in the mailbox where they will be able to finally read the words “We are delighted to inform you of your acceptance to ___ University”. Even so, gone are the days of college acceptance where your GPA and test scores were plugged into a formula and you knew if you were in before your application was stamped. Nowadays, it would be an understatement to say “the pressure is on.” The second you walk in the door your first day of freshman year, the counter starts ticking. Every academic achievement and every small merit become fodder for you future application. While I spent my first years of high school hearing horror stories from my older friends about having a typo on their essay or having the Common Application website crash an hour before the deadline, they always failed to mention the one thing that I found the most stressful when going through the application process; the sheer force of the thought of “What could I have done better?” It’s an unfortunate truth that everything you do in high school has the potential to make or break your acceptance into your dream school. For the first three years of high school I let myself be lax with how much I pushed myself thinking that I would have time to make it up later, and that only senior year mattered.. Oh how wrong I was. Everyone has regrets from high school, but my biggest ones were not taking an extra language, or not pushing to qualify for NHS. Small things, yes, but when you’re looking for an advantage over the 14,000 other applicants, it’s the small things that make the difference. Even so, as
I turned my focus towards the actual application process, I realized there is a lot more to it than I expected. Most of my friends were smarter than me, and started working on the common app the summer after their junior year. Of course, these were the same kids who were set on their dream school from the age of 15 whereas I didn’t know until a week before the due date. It would be an understatement to say that I envy those people. Maybe if I had pushed myself more or started realizing what was important as an underclassman, rather than as a confused and mildly terrified senior, then I would be waiting to hear from a better calibre of universities. It didn’t sink in for me until I started my cross-country escapade of college tours. When the requirements for admission were prominently displayed on every powerpoint and pamphlet, a thought bubble was practically hovering overhead filled with the question “do I even qualify?” At home, I was dogged by the thought of my application. The deadlines glared at me every time I logged on to relay my entire life story to these anonymous gods of admittance. There was never a time when
Photo by Alex Ray the thought of my application wasn’t looming overhead. Finally, though, the early deadlines rolled around and I heaved a longtime coming sigh of relief. I chose to send all my applications on the same deadline because the stress was within an inch of overcoming me. The deadlines for me was the most stressful part of applying for me. I’ve never been good at adhering to a set date and the fact that every second brought me closer to the do or die moment when I would hit submit wracked my brain with stress worse than preparing for the most difficult final. Even so, I still see the stress of application on the visages of my friends who won’t hit submit until the first of the new year. Although it seems like the sending of the applications is the icing on the cake, no one tells you that its actually the waiting for acceptances that really deals the heavy blow. Any email from a college after that induces sheer panic, and, even though more-rational heads should prevail, there is still the foreboding uncertainty that the fat letter in the mailbox will never come.
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Student Life
A Word on the Phone Policy by Alison Yardley and Mackenzie Riordan
The current phone policy prohibits phone have different outlooks on the problem. While the majoruse in class which is outdated for the state of our ity of students interviewed agreed that phones should be current society. Since most students and faculty used as a tool, their reasons varied. Instead of carrying members carry a cell phone, why not use them as around pounds of information in a textbook, students resource for information? can use their pocket sized phones to look up a plethora Many teachers have strong feelings against of information. “Students should be allowed to use their students using their phones in class. phones in class because they use them to look up informa“If a phone is out, I give my students one tion instead of using a textbook. If the teacher is teaching, warning and then I take the phone away. If the stuthen students should put their phones away because it is dent is constantly taking out their phone is class, I disrespectful,” said Dana Norder, junior. take it to the office. Sometimes I will tell my stuAnother common student opinion is that phone usdents to get out their phone for research but then I age should be up to the individual. By texting in class, stuexpect them to put it away,” said Christa Adkisson, dents risk a road to a bad grade, so it should be their deciLanguage Arts sion whether or teacher. not to pay attenS e veral tion. Sophomore teachers agree Sami Young said, that kids are “I think sturarely using dents should be their phones allowed to text for educationin class at their al purposes. own expense. It’s On the other their own fault hand, other if they get bad faculty memgrades because bers believe they weren’t paythat students ing attention. We are mature should have the enough to choice.” A n handle usother issue with ing phones in phones being class and are banned in class capable of usis that phones Photo by Natalie Bowes ing them appropriately. “If you’re doing what you’re are not accessible in times of emergency. “I think students supposed to be doing and paying attention then I should have the choice. I didn’t find out that my sister was don’t mind. There is a time and a place to use cell giving birth until after school, and I was supposed to be phones in class and I expect students to be mature picked up at noon. But since I wasn’t allowed to use my about it,” said math teacher Michael Mowen. phone, I never got the message,” said Holly Pugh, sophoYears ago, before technology consumed the more. In situations like Pugh’s, phones need to be accessilives of young adults, kids used to write notes on ble to the students for personal and urgent needs. loose leaf paper and pass them in class. Now cell Clearly there is controversy and discrepancy regardphones and texting have replaced this ideology. ing the usage of cell phones during the school day. Phones Odette Edbrooke, a social studies teacher, believes and social media are an ample part of daily life that are that there is no difference. “My general rule of used as necessary tools for tasks and problems, and banthumb is that if a cell phone out then I assume it’s ning them would counter with the societal norm. With the educational, which also means that if it’s out, I can growing state of technology, it would be unrealistic to ban look at it at any time. I don’t see it much different all portable devices from school grounds. While this probfrom a notebook,” Edbrooke said. lem may not be solved overnight, it is certainly an issue Just like the opinions of the teachers, students that needs to be clarified.
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Student Life
“It’s The Most wonderful time of the year” Juan Moreno, Senior
by Natalie Bowes and Rebeccas Vickers
Family Tradition: I set up my own little Christmas tree, I also do quite a bit of binge shopping and break out my Christmas sweaters. Coolest Present: My parents got me a shower radio because they were worried I was damaging my phone with the steam.
Kolby Rowland, Senior Family Tradition: Most of the time I go to Seattle to spend time with my family and when I’m there we engage in political arguments. Weirdest Present: One time my brother gave me an inflatable dolphin on a stick, as well as a panda figurine with wings.
Rayne Crossen, Senior
Family Tradition: Me and my family take a horse drawn carrige ride down our street and get a 16 foot christmas tree for our house. Coolest Christmas Gift: When unwrapping my presents I got a box and all that was inside was a picture of a trampoline, I was confused until I looked outside and saw that the real thing was out there.
Taylor Johnson, Senior Family Tradition: We all draw another family members name out of a hat and then have to buy that person a pair of Pajamas. Then on Christmas Eve my family and I have a sleepover and wear the Pajamas that we bought each other. Weirdest Gift: Last year my mom got me a cereal bowl where there was a ledge for the cereal and a separate area for the milk so you could push the cereal pieces in individually and they wouldn’t get soggy.
Photos by Natalie Bowes
ToP 10 Final Exam Study Tips by Allison Yardley and MacKenzie Rhordin
1. DO NOT PROCRASTINATE 2. Have a hearty breakfast, and remember to pack snacks. Food is Fuel.
3. Have a study buddy. 4. Don’t cram and take breaks when needed. 5. Get fresh air. Leave your room and get some exercise. 6. Save netflix for winter break 7. Get 8 or more hours of undisturbed sleep 8. Drink plenty of water to stay hydrated. 9. Review notes and flashcards the morning before your test to refresh your memory. 10. Reward yourself for all your hard work!
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17 Students of the Issue
Ian McPherson
Photo by Allen Krughoff
Student Life
by Natalie Bowes
Ever since Ian Mcpherson, Senior, was 11-years-old, he has been an active member of the cyclocross community. Cyclocross is a mixture between both road and mountain biking riding on courses composed of a mixture of half road and half dirt terrain. The goal is for the cyclists to complete as many laps around the course as possible in one hour. Competitors must maneuver around obstacles and hop over barriers, causing the sport to be high risk, high reward. Mcpherson rides with the Clif Bar developmental Cyclocross team which has given him the opportunity to travel across the world. “Last Christmas, I went to Belgium, which is where cyclocross started, and did a bunch of races over there. Also, month ago I also got to go on an all-expenses-paid trip to China because they’re trying to get cyclocross racing started there, my races were two hours outside of Beijing and my team and I got to visit the Great Wall.” Mcpherson said. Naturally, having raced competitively for 7 years, Mcpherson has raked up a fair share of accomplishments. “I’ve won several state championships and placed 8th at Nationals. I also got 4th place several weekends ago when competing in a Senior Mens Open race.” Said Mcpherson. However, these achievements come with hard work. Mcpherson practices seven days a week and has competitions either in or out of state at least once a weekend. In the future McPherson hopes to get a pro contract, this way he can be a paid cyclocross competitor.
“My dream place to race is a haunted island in Italy where the Romans trapped people to die during the Roman Empire. The dirt composed of human remains would be perfect soil for cyclocrossing. Plus being deserted, it would make a prime course with lots of natural obstacles.” said McPherson.
Dustin Michels
Senior, Dustin Michels perfectly exemplifies the phrase “you must change yourself before you can begin to change the world.” This past summer Michels realized that with his long existing opinions on global warming and ideals for a sustainable future he could make changes in his own life in an attempt to improve his environment. “I’ve been trying to bike rather than drive as much as possible in an effort to reduce my own carbon emissions.” Said Michels. His idea was ‘drive less bike more’ in order to generate less pollution. “I realized that it wasn’t just an environmental measure that I was willing to en-
dure but biking was really fun, it plays a important role in my day and life in general. We live very fast paced and frantic lives, constantly consuming media from moment we wake up to when we go to sleep, giving us very few opportunities in the day to have our minds be vacant and process all the things that we’re taking in.” Said Michels.
In the middle of August Dustin invested in a bike computer and started tracking his miles. On November 20, 2013 Dustin hit 600 miles biked which estimated to be about 230 dollars saved in gas money, 942 pounds of carbon reduced from the atmosphere and the carbon offset he saved added up to a total of 2.4 trees saved. To track his consumption-to-money ratio Michels made a spreadsheet and put in the current gas price and used a report from AAA called ‘your driving costs’ to estimate the cost of maintenance per mile. He calculated that he was saving on average 6.57 cents per mile, in addition to the cost of a senior parking pass. Dustin donated the money he was saving on gas and other externalities to environmental organizations. “Donating the money to a good cause rather than corporate oil companies gave me incentive to bike on days when I didn’t feel like it.” Said Michels. Not only did Dustin notice his efforts regarding environmental conservation as significant, but he also noticed a change in his attitude and lifestyle in general. “It was really exciting because biking began to create this space in my day where I could think clearly, it felt like every bike ride id go on I’d have some sort of epiphany. It’s easy to view biking as something lost and time consuming and exhausting, as though you’re sacrificing something by choosing to bike rather than drive, however my experience has been something to gain and an opportunity to clear mind and strengthen body.” Said Michels.
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Student Life
The “Coach O” Segment To The Fairview Family, The 2013 Fairview Knights football season will go down as one of the greatest in history and a story to be told for years to come. Throughout the season, we experienced adversity on what seemed like a week to week basis. From the lighting at our preseason scrimmage, to being down 16 at half to Overland at Overland, to the unbelievable disaster that affected all of our lives: The Flood. Week to week something was going on and still our Fairview family showed us unconditional love. We have been on a journey for 111 days, which was the maximum amount of days we could spend together and that amount was exactly how long we expected to be together. Though the outcome was not what we wanted, your support and love carried us to a City Championship, League Championship, undefeated regular season and the right to play for a State Championship. To say The 2013 Fairview Knights football team was special is an understatement. Words can’t describe the journey that not only the football team experienced but the entire school and community. Without the support of our Fairview community, who knows how far we could’ve gone. We are extremely grateful and thankful to the entire Fairview Family. 2013 will go down as one of the greatest seasons for Fairview football in school history. To be a part of this team and this journey is the greatest thing I have ever experienced and I’m sure many of my fellow brothers will say the same. Again none of this was possible without the support of The Fairview Family and from the bottoms of our hearts, we thank you. Going to Fairview is a blessing and this community is amazing. Thank you all for this incredible journey. We love you. With Love, Owen “Coach O” Harris #35
Photo by Emily Ellis
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Sports
The Struggle of Club Sports by Kimberly Brown
There are more than a dozen different sports that students have the opportunity to participate in here at Fairview. From golf to swimming, the selection here is broader than most Colorado high schools. Despite all of these choices, some students choose to participate in a club sport outside of school. With less demanding schedules and the ability to have team members from different schools and age groups, there are a variety of attractive factors that make 7.6 million high school students in the nation participate in non-scholastic sports annually. Instead of practicing after school daily, Jacob Carter-Gibb, senior, and his mountain biking team practice on weekends and only certain week days. They have a race almost every Saturday. “I really like that we have more flexibility and that more people can join whenever, it’s a really good community,” he said. When asked about the lack of school sports credits, he said, “I think that it’s really dumb that we don’t get credits, but people in fitness class and marching band do.” Julia Mattingly, senior, has been playing club soccer since she was in elementary school. She has been able to maintain relationships with friends from the team almost her whole life. “It’s better than school soccer because it’s year round and I love everyone on my team. Also, the coaches are full time, not just overly involved teachers.” There are opportunities to lead in a club team. Many club sports are coed and have players of different ages. Bai- Girish Narayanswamy on the Ultimate field - Photo by Brandon Kennedy ley Flanagan, senior, is the daughter of a Karate instructor. She has been doing karate outside of school since she could walk. She and her sisters are black belts and are so familiar with the sport that it is second nature to her. “I do it with my family, it’s definitely athletic”, she said. Dance is another sport that is not offered as an extracurricular school sport. Mattie McGary and Erin Gillespie do ballet outside of school and don’t receive any Fairview gym credits. They believe that ballet is just as challenging mentally and physically than any sport offered here. Teachers have mixed views on the subject. “I don’t like club sports,” said Mr. Hensley, language arts teacher and tennis coach. He said, “I think that instead of specializing in one sport for a season or year round, students should be competing at the varsity level in various sports at the varsity level throughout the school year. Competing at a high level even in one’s weaker areas makes a more well rounded student. Many skill sets from different sports make an athlete even more successful in their favorite sport.” Mr Glaab, science teacher and cross country coach said, “I think that when students find a specific thing that they are good at, they should work hard and stick with it. Even if it is outside of school.” No matter what the opinion, all of the interviews touched on the subject of whether or not students should receive physical education credits for school. For most club sports, students believed that they should receive credits if the same amount of physical work is done. Unfortunately, this school only has this option available for certain sports and not everything is possible within these walls. The positive message to take away is that many of your peers are active and healthy and willing to play sports without any reward on their transcripts.
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Sports
Self Defense Tips
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by Owyn Cooper DISCLAIMER: By reading this article, you agree to only use this information as means of self-defense and not to purposefully attack someone.
Create Distance Maybe the situation isn’t dangerous yet. maybe this person may just needs help. Maybe you still feel unsafe, so put your dominant foot (right foot if right-handed, left if left-handed) behind your other foot and raise your palms at about hip-level. Keep your hands low at first, but as you get more uncomfortable raise them up as if to tell the person you’re not feeling safe.
2 Use Your Voice
Start off simple with “Can I help you?” or “What do you want?” If you’re feeling unsafe and/or uncomfortable in any way, say, “Step back, please.” You do not want to become hostile or else the other person will feed off your escalated energy and attack. Keep your tone calm and level at first, but get firmer and louder as you get more uncomfortable. At this stage, this might frighten your attacker away and get them to leave you alone.
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Attack The Eyes
Press your fingers together so they make little beaks and jab them into your attacker’s eyes at least three times. This will temporarily blind them and cause severe pain, enough to distract them. If they let go at this stage, run away from the attacker while shouting for help.
Go For What’s Accessible
If “eyes-eyes-eyes” doesn’t work, then you should “kick-kick-kick.” If Step 3 was done correctly, they will be temporarily blinded, so they shouldn’t be able to grab at your leg and stop you from kicking them. If your attacker is male, then kick him in the testicles three time quickly. In order to keep from losing balance, kick then put your foot back to the ground quickly before kicking again. This technique is called “kick, step, kick, step, kick, step.” If your attacker is female, you can kick her in the shin. Kick as hard as you can. If they’ve let go but aren’t on the ground yet, then kick them in their head once very hard. You need to make sure you’re safe so, as soon as you’re sure that the attacker won’t get back up to grab you, use your voice to draw attention to yourself as you run away and alert the authorities.
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Sports
Investigating Fitness
by Ryan Shuman
A year ago the physical education department We are looking at fitness and building upon that was full of popular classes such as bowling, dance and fitness and were measuring this with the heart moniaerobic walking. Fairview students no longer have tors. We are looking at everyone’s individual improvethose choices. They were replaced over the summer by ment in fitness.” one class called Fitness. An example of that would be an overweight boy As a reporter, I knew it was my job to figure out running the mile in gym class vs. student athletes runeverything I could about the new class. It was a comning the mile in gym class. plete mystery to me until I began to interview a few The overweight boy would go out and run the students and teachers about the class. Senior Izzy Wilmile in fifteen minutes and look like he was working lett stated, “I’d say the class is pretty fair for everyone, so hard, while the athletes would fly around the track the amount of work you have to do is balanced with in under six minutes. The old style of gym class would your level of physical fitness. So if you’re in super good give the higher grade to the athletes based off the times, shape you might only have to wear the heart rate monbut if we were to strap heart monitors on the students itor once a week but it’ll be harder for you to get your we would see that the overweight boy worked much heart rate up and to stay in the zone. Whereas if you harder than the athletes. Fitness class grades not on are less physically fit you might have to wear the heart athleticism or participation, but effort and improverate monitor three times a week but it’ll be easier for ment over the course of the semester. That is the basic you to get your heart rate up idea behind fitness class. and keep it there.” When I When asked about asked if the heart monitors how he felt about the class were a punishment Izzy ansenior Aidan Culkin said, swered, “People complain “I don’t know how much I a lot about the heart rate like it. You’re sometimes monitors, but they’re not forced to do things you really that bad and there is don’t want to do because periodic testing throughout your grade could be in the year so if your test rejeopardy.” The most insults improve you don’t have teresting thing Aidan to wear it as often.” told me was that the heart Students’ opinions monitors used in the class about the class varied from were not sanitized at all. Students on the bikes in Fitness class. loving every second of it, to “Every time I get one it is wishing they never took it. So for some more straightall sweaty and nasty smelling.” This grotesque stateforward facts about the class I interviewed Coach ment was the first of many I received about the heart Vanderpool who teaches Fitness periods 2, 3 and 5. monitors being used in Fitness. Aidan was the only Vanderpool explained to me that the main goal of the student willing to go on the record about the heart class was to get kids moving. “To be perfectly honest monitors not being clean. Fairview has a ton of kids who are athletes, but even Other students seemed to think the monitors when we went through and tested some of them, their were clean. Senior Izzy Willett stated, “Students have fitness levels were so low. The heart monitors allow us to wipe down heart rate monitors after every class with to measure their fitness and improvement. There’s all anti bacterial wipes and the coaches clean them themthis scientific research that shows that there are huge selves once a week.” Another senior Isabel Stewart said, benefits to exercising and moving then going off to “They’re wiped down after every class, but the sanitayour classes. The old school method of showing up and tion level is questionable.” participating as minimally as people have in the past is over.
Next on Investigating Fitness... Are the heart monitors clean?
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Action Photo of the Issue Photo Credit to Rachael Pennington
#7 Jonathan Swartzwelter in the state championship game at Mile High Statium
Sports
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The second act of “The Nutcracker” is always a visual delight with lively music driving the dancers to leap and twirl--until that moment where the slow pulse starts and everything slows down and those single notes usher out the Arabian Dancers in all their intrigue. At that moment in the ballet, I breathe deeply, anxious to see how this scene will play out in that year’s production. It’s different every time--different costumes, different dancers, different choreography, but it’s always heartbreakingly beautiful, and I never want it to stop. I can listen to the song any time I want of course, but out of context, it is not the same. The “Arabian Dance” is never long enough.
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“What’s your soundtrack for the holidays?” RUN-DMC recorded “Christmas in Hollis” for the very first “A Very Special Christmas” album in 1987. This song completely revolutionized music at the holidays for me. With a funky beat and an “ill reindeer,” the holidays were no longer the stuffy songs my mom played on the huge stereo in the living room. The soundtrack could be fun--and front and center instead of annoying background noise. In this category of music that makes the holidays fun lives “I’ll Have a Blue Christmas Without You” by Elvis. I discovered this rockabilly fantasticness somehow only in college even though it’s been around for years. And also in line for fun holiday music is the awesome “Original Soul Christmas” album (including a fantastic version of “Silent Night” by The Temptations--it’s everything you would imagine it to be).
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Entertainment
Z T U N E S
Remember that moment in “A Charlie Brown Christmas” where the Peanuts gang is supposed to be rehearsing the holiday play but they are dancing instead? Schroeder plays a jazzy rocking piece on the piano, and the kids let loose, each with his or her unique dance groove. The song is “Linus and Lucy” by the Vince Guaraldi trio. This is my favorite scene in the whole show, and that is my favorite song on the soundtrack. Even Pigpen’s cloud of dust follows him everywhere as he jives to the piano tune. The kids dance with abandon, uncaring of who might be watching. And there’s no twerking--just innocent childhood joy in a moment of escape from responsibility.
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Check out this QR code for the full playlist on grooveshark.com
Speaking of “Silent Night,” it has always been my favorite traditional holiday tune, and my favorite version is by the blues great, Charles Brown. I like just about any version of this song (except for the Bieb’s-trust me, just don’t.) But Brown’s plays out the melody first with a wailing sax and a sad piano. And then the blues voice brings in the words. Perfect. And trust me on this, Brown’s album “Cool Christmas Blues” is just about the best there is if you want your holidays bluesy.
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Photos by Emily Ellis
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Finally, though the song is kind of cheesy, no holiday is the same for me without “I’ll Be Home for Christmas”--my mom’s favorite. She grew up on a farm in La Rue, Ohio. But after my parents got married, they drove away from that farm and headed to Denver for my dad’s graduate school program at the University of Denver. My mom sobbed for miles. She has told me that what she thinks of when she hears that song (Bing Crosby’s version is her favorite) is the farm and all of the holidays she spent there, sitting around the table full of my grandmother’s food and surrounded by family as the fierce Ohio winter whipped around outside. That’s what the holidays have always been to me. Family. Building memories. Staying connected.
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Entertainment
Blockbusters for Break
Finals have everyone’s attention right about now. Nobody has time to think about anything else. However, there is still hope. Once you survive the terrible storm (finals), there is a breathtaking view behind. Winter break is that immaculate view, and with it, comes movies!
by Varun Narayanswamy “Anchorman 2: The Legend Continued” Winter break kick offs on the 20th for students and the 21st for teachers. On the 20th, another hit movie is coming out. “Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues.” This movie takes place in the 80’s. When anchor Ron Burgundy (Will Ferrell) and his gang of friends try to take their channel to the next level, things get messy. This movie is the sequel to the unbelievable comedy “Anchorman” where Burgandy is a homeless, jobless, divorced fool who jumps into a kodiak den and gets in gang fights.
Photos by Emily Ellis
“Justin Bieber Believe” A huge day for movies is December 25th. There are several movies coming out but one stands out. Justin Bieber’s new movie, “Justin Bieber: Believe.” Justin Bieber’s first movie “Justin Bieber: Never Say Never,” gave you the inside scoop on Bieber’s rise to success and his life before he started his career. This new movie focuses on something different. It focuses on the struggle of being a famous artist. Even with all of his fans, Bieber has many people who don’t enjoy his music and because of it, insult him personally. This new movie shows how this young artist deals with the pain and sings on no matter what anybody says.
“Hobbit: Desolation of Smaug” On this the 13th of December (today) the new movie we have all been waiting for is being released. “The Hobbit: Desolation of Smaug.” The second part of Tolkien’s book “The Hobbit” is one of the most anticipated movies over the past few months along with “Catching Fire” and “Ender’s Game.” After escaping the evil one-armed orc Azog, Bilbo, Gandalf and the rest this movie sucks of the dwarves must make their way to the lost dwarven kingdom Erebor where they must face the dragon, Smaug. Even though it is the Friday before finals, students who are interested in the premier should definitely go. It will be an amazing movie that everyone will want to see.
For reviews of all the hit movies coming out this year and more great content visit: fhsroyalbanner.com
“Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones” The final big movie of a series coming out on January 3rd is “Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones” This is the 5th “Paranormal Activity” though this one has a slightly different plot. This movie is the based on Catholic paranormal mythology which has been used in previous “Paranormal Activity” movies. This movie will give you the thrills, so if you are a horror movie fan then you should go see “Paranormal Activity the Marked Ones” in theaters this
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Royal Banner
Chai
as a drink has been around for over 5,000 years. It has been the banquet drink of kings and the salvation of freezing peasants, slowly being evolved and perfected over the millennia into the Chai we know and love today. Sadly, the last 5,000 years of work put into this drink, seem to have been lost on Cafe Sole. The drink I received was only slightly warmer than Viele Lake in January and tasted like it too. The drink was watery and lacking in flavor. Half way through the cup, the strength of the tea improved, yet it still tasted watered down. It might have been the most traditional Chai I tried, but I was not impressed. My number two choice falls on the opposite side of the spectrum. Starbucks’ Chai was served to me chock full of flavor, and by a beautiful barista. The initial experience was fantastic. The sweet tea enveloped my mouth and instantly washed the memory of Viele Lake water from my mind. Unfortunately, after a few sips, the sugary richness hit me. As anyone who has eaten too much candy knows, there is such thing as too sweet. Coming in at number one is Brewing Market. The Goldilock effect at its finest, this Chai was the perfect mix of sweet and spicy, not too hot or cold. It was full of flavor yet not overwhelming. It was well priced and was served up quickly. I enjoyed the flavor, which hinted at Chai’s ancient roots and the 5,00 of development years since. By David Sachs
Photo by Emily Ellis
For a review of Boulder’s best hot Chocolate, and more great content visit: fhsroyalbanner.com
Pumpkin Spice Rank: 1. Starbucks 2. Cafe Sole 3. Brewing Market
Chai Rank: 1. Brewing Market 2. Starbucks 3. Cafe Sole
Hot Chocolate Rank: 1. Cafe Sole 2. Brewing Market 3. Starbucks
Entertainment
Pumpkin
Spice Lattes have arrived (coffee lovers and teenage girls rejoice)! Brewing Market serves a “Pumpkin Puree.” While Pumpkin is very prominent in its title, the drink contains very little of the desired pumpkin taste. This fundamental mistake lands Brewing Market in third place. The “Pumpkin Spice Latte” served at Cafe Sole is very satisfying, however is is much more Latte than it is Pumpkin or Spice. For all you coffee lovers who want an appetizing drink for a reasonable price, Cafe Sole is your place. However, because of the minute, but noticeable, lack of the Pumpkin Spice flavors, Cafe Sole takes second place. Starbucks is known for concocting drinks composed of coffee, but may leave the customer wondering if there is indeed coffee in their beverage. The “Pumpkin Spice Latte” is, however, a pleasant alternative for those who appreciate the “seasonal flavor”, but are not willing to sacrifice the noticeable presence of coffee. A perfect balance between added flavor and the fundamental presence of coffee embodies this drink. No one element is overpowering and all flavors weave together to land Starbucks’ “Pumpkin Spice Latte” first place. By Lucia Rose
Coffee Shop Wars
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Music Industry Losing Integrity
The Swan Song is a page at the end of the entrertainment section. It’s a place for opinions, comentairies, or whatever you want.
Submit ideas to us on Twitter or Facebook
ey because no one need look further than the top selling songs on iTunes to find what they want to buy, then they inevitably will look for a more stable desk job. This hypothetical situation often turns into a reality because, mark my words, all it takes is a record label with some “persuasion” to put someone on the charts. Why do you think it’s so hard to come across an artist that has such pure originality as Lou Reed (RIP) or Miles Davis? Another great businesswoman is Miley Cyrus. She fakes her insanity so that she can get attention, people will buy her songs, and she will have an outrageous amount of money. It’s quite smart business-wise, but it turns art into a factory that churns o u t music c e nt e re d around a formula that is guaranteed to sell. The music business is just that, a business, and those who know how to run a profitable brand receive the most income and the most fame. Art and business do not mix well, and this truth manifests itself in the music industry. Musicians that are successful often times do not have an exceptional talent, and don’t have a knack for making major statements with their lyrics. They just have the means and resources to succeed in the business.
Entertainment
The Swan Song This has been empowered in part by the emergence of digital technology both for promotion and for production of music, introducing a remarkable ease of use. The issue with this is that ease of use can often destroy creativity. Why hone your craft if you can hit a few buttons and make it sound marketable? Instead of opening up more opportunities for under-recognized musicians to display their music, it has made it even easier to become successful merely by throwing your money at the in-
Drawing by Juliana Russell
By Mike Sparkman Katy Perry is truly talented at what she does: Entrepreneurship. She may come up under “artists” on iTunes charts for popular songs and what not, but what she does is not art. In fact, many of the people ranking highly on that chart are there because they know how to target trends in the music business, hire a bunch of people to write, record, and produce their music, and market their product: themselves. Perry has, for years, been the best at doing these things. If you recall, she was a singer of Christian rock, but then she realized that there was little money in it, quit the music business, and started a promising career in entrepreneurship. Now look where she is, she is worth approximately $75 million, with worldwide fame. You may be thinking, “Gee, good for her! What a nice, heartwarming story of honest hard work that paid off in excess!” If this is the case, maybe you need to see the bigger picture. In the music business, artists need money to continue putting out their art, otherwise it would be unwise to keep on making music. If entrepreneurs purely looking for a way to make massive amounts of money overrun the music business, that leaves little money for the other artists. If the artists trying to make a living off of their work begin to lose mon-
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dustry while possessing very little musical talent. Unfortunately, there isn’t much anyone can do about this prominence of falsehood because what can anyone do when they are up against the influence of money, and lots of it? Rarely will a group of musicians who pay no mind to the business and instead write and play what they love make a major splash in the industry. All the average listener can do is keep an open mind when shopping for music, and go see lots of live music. If people continue to go to local concerts, good art in music will never fully die off.
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Happy Holidays from The Royal Banner
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Hand drawn by Juliana Russell Color in this festive picture of Fairview, and submit your entry into the box outside of room 339. Our favorite will win a $20 Starbucks gift card! Submissions are due Friday December 20th (last day of finals! )
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Humor
Photo Credit: Juliana Russell
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Humor
He Sees You When You’re Sleeping By Juliana Russell
He knows when you’re awake. You may be asking yourself, who? Who knows if I’ve been bad or good? What kind of person has access to this information? Your brilliant mind may be whirring with possibilities, such as the CIA, the FBI, or even an underground ninja coven. Maybe even a stalker ex-boyfriend. But no. The answer, ladies and gentlemen, is the notorious Santa Claus. Known for his rosy complexion and bouncing belly due to cookie favoritism, this well-humored man has won all of the little children’s hearts. But do they really know what they’re getting themselves into? Has no one noticed the similarities between Santa Claus and the average kidnapper? Below is a list we’ve made and checked twice. The list goes on, folks. This man is clearly a danger to all of our children. You better shout, you better cry, and do you want to know why? Because death is coming, and he wears a red fuzzy hat. Stocking stuffers this year should be mace and nunchucks. Prepare your children. Because He’s coming to town.
Reasons Why Santa Is Probably a Kidnapper 1) He doesn’t work alone. With 8 accomplished accomplices, the leader of which is named Rudolph, Santa nearly always succeeds and stealing away little children. Why do you think his bag is so huge? 2) Just like the usual kidnapper, Santa lures them into his sleigh with candy. The promise of a traditional red and white candy cane has, in fact, worked on several children. Our grandparents would be ashamed. 3) When candy fails, reindeer with toys don’t. Imagine an adorably furry animal offering you a My Little Pony set or a Starbucks gift card. How could someone turn that down?
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How To Survive Finals By Juliana Russell
Check out the online edition of the Royal Banner for real time coverage of school events, additional coverage of print stories, photos, videos, and audio.
1. Turn off your internet. 2. Study. As in open your books and actually read the content. 3. Try to understand what you just read. 4. Cry. 5. Resolve to look up cats on the internet. 6. Remember you have no internet. 7. Cry some more. 8. Call a friend to study with you. 9. Remember you have no friends. 10. Let the water works roll. 11. Drown your study materials in your ocean of tears. 12. Give up and come up with several possibilities to bribe your teachers. 13. Unstudy. 14. Repeat.
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About the Banner
The Royal Banner Newspaper is a 24 to 32 page newspaper.
The Banner is written primarily for the over 2000 students attend-
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ing Fairview High School and is distributed free of charge to all members of the school community. Accurate reporting of fact is the goal of the staff. Commentaries, opinion columns and letters
Drawings by Juliana Russell
to the editor are the expressed opinion of the author and not of The
Royal Banner and its Editorial Board or its adviser. *Disclaimer: Under Colorado law, no expression made by students in the exercise of free speech or freedom of the press shall be deemed to be an expression of school policy. No school district, employee, legal guardian or ofďŹ cial of such a district shall be held liable in any criminal action for any expression made or published by a student. The Royal Banner sells advertisements for publicity and to pay for printing costs. We reserve the right to refuse to run any advertisement deemed inappropriate to the Fairview community.
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Humor
Westboro Was Right! By Maya Matachandria
Three months ago, after the severe floods occurred here in Colorado, the brilliant organization known as the Westboro Baptist Church was at it again. With hashtags such as “#GodIsDismantlingU,” they expressed their ideals through the extremely intellectual platform known as Twitter. The WBC has claimed numerous times that the main reason behind God dismantling us is Boulder’s use of both medical and recreational marijuana. Pastor Kevin Swanson and Dave Buehner, affiliates of the WBC, stated in a radio broadcast that one of the major reasons for the floods was Colorado’s heavily liberal marijuana legalization. On the topic, Buehner said, “This last year we walked in lewdness, lust, drunkenness, revelries, drinking parties,” and Swanson promptly added, “Marijuana.” Photo by Emily Ellis This logic is sound and they are clearly correct. Colorado’s lewd, heathen-like worship of the drug known to those darn kids today as “pot” is most definitely the reason behind devastating floods.The flooding is clearly a heavenly warning. God hates marijuana, and Colorado cannot risk another transgression. As you may know, this year’s April 20th is on Easter Sunday, and God will Disclaimer: This is satire... clearly
not appreciate the tarnishing of Easter. He may send a giant rabbit down to rain pastel eggshells down on our heads, you never know. While the WBC has not graced us with a prophecy about this particular event yet, they may do so in the future. It always helps to be on the safe side. Author’s note: I would have loved to cite direct WBC quotes here, but as God hates school computers and blocks the paragon of holiness that is the WBC site from pagan eyes, I cannot
provide those at this time. If you want to educate yourself about more blatant heathen behavior people are guilty of (and the list goes on, believe me), visit godhatesf*gs.com! All of the ad revenue goes straight to the Westboro Baptist Church’s God-approved pockets.
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