Jean Pant - A screenplay by Rowen Smith

Jean Pant By Rowen Smith

a 3rd Year Experimental Film

Rowen Smith

rowen.work@gmail.com 079 647 0077

FADE IN: INT. GYMNASIUM - DAY CHILDREN,aged 5 to 7, are SPLASHING about in the Olympic sized swimming pool.

A chubby cheek BLOWS a red whistle.

Crocs walk from left to right of frame on the edge of the swimming pool.

Kids are lined up against the swimming pool wall with their egg shaped heads passing frame as the camera TRACKS past them.

NEELS VAN NIEKERK, a morbidly obese 23 year old part-time swimming instructor, BLOWS his red whistle again.

NEELSIE Very good. Very good. That’s all for today kids.

One of the CHILDREN, a red head, shouts at Neelsie.

WILLIE Wat’s up met die sjoe broekie?

Sjoe broekie! Sjoe broekie!..

Willie starts CHANTING and all the kids follow his lead.

Neelsie’s humiliated facial expression.

NEELSIE (shouts) Nee! Neelsie looks down and the camera CRANES DOWN, revealing his crotch. A Speedo covers a cutoff blue Jean tightly squeezed and tucked in underneath.

EXT/INT. LOCKER ROOM - DAY Neelsie sociably passes through an ambiguous STEAMING locker room roaming with naked MEN, greeting everyone and they greet back with smiles and winks.

He hangs his towel onto a knob. A Speedo drops to the wet floor.

Neelsie walks into the showers unclothed, again with a cheefrul smile on his cheeks and he greets a few MEN showering in their cubicles.

This time the men look at him with confusion and surprise.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

2.

Neelsie is frolicking in his little cutoff blue Jean in the middle shower.

The camera TRACKS past the men dumbfounded at Neelsie.

One of them drops his bar of soap. The slippery bar rockets out of his hands and falls on the center of the floor. No one moves, except for Neelsie who is still jigging about.

SUPER: Jean Pant FADE TO: INT. OUMA NELLA’S HOUSE - NEELSIE’S BEDROOM - DAY Neelsie’s fat body rests on a small single bed with a ruffled up duvet partially covering his belly. Neelsie flicks his nose while mucus is dripping out of his mouth.

A cheesy ALARM TONE goes off.

Feet touch the ground and slips into two fluffy slippers.

A great FART is heard exploding from above.

INT. OUMA NELLA’S HOUSE - DAY The Sun shines through a 1960’s style kitchen. SPORTS COMETARY is heard from the television in the living room.

Neelsie enters the kitchen from right of frame and opens the fridge.

The camera speedily TRACKS back, revealing OUMA NELLA, a wrinkled 90 year old woman, sitting on the living room couch. She is enthusiastically engaged in a rugby match.

OUMA NELLA Yes! Mattfield passes to Houwgaard. Try time! Try time!

She cheers and drinks a sip of her beer all rowed up.

Neelsie sleepily walks from the kitchen into the living room and leans against the doorway.

NEELSIE More Oumz.

OUMA NELLA Hello my engel, hoekom lyk jy so skraal? Kom sit hier langs Ouma en kry vir jou n tjippie.

Neelsie walks into the living room and sits next to Nella, who is poring her another draft from a small beer keg ontop of the living room coffee table.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

3.

NEELSIE Ouma, hoekom is jy altyd so gelukkig?

OUMA NELLA Want ek is altyd dronk my engel?

She takes a gulp from her beer.

NEELSIE Ma nou ernstig, wat’s Ouma se geheim?

OUMA NELLA My kind.(Beat)Dis eenvoudig. Trek jou broek af en wys vir haar jou...

EXT. BOOKSTORE - DAY Two COLOURED MEN, JAPIE and FAAN are standing at their boerewors stall just outside the local bookstore.

JAPIE (shouting) Boerewors! Lekker kalahari Boerewors Rolle!

Neelsie enters the bookstore.

INT. BOOKSTORE - DAY Neelsie roams around in one of the many rows of bookshelves, searching for a book. He picks up a book that reads: SEX - LETTING GO INTO CARNAL DESIRE. NEELSIE (to himself) Carnal Desires...Mmmh He scans the bookstore for women. The camera WIPES to a large and extremely unattractive WOMAN, then to SUZETTE, a dull 21 year old bookstore attendant. It WIPES into an isle onto a gorgeous LADY revealing her cleavage while bending over for something in the bottom shelf, but then it WIPES back to Suzette who is repositioning her dorky glasses.

Neelsie’s eyes pop out from excitement.

The camera slowly TRACKS into Suzette standing at the checkout counter.

REVERSE SHOT of Neelsie’s longing fixation of Suzette.

MATCH DISSOLVE TO:

4.

FLASH FORWARD BEGINS INT. BEDROOM - NIGHT Neelsie and Suzette are sitting face to face on bed of roses holding hands. The queen sized bed is covered in food platters. Romantic MUSIC is playing SOFTLY from an unseen stereo in background.

SUZETTE Neels, proe nog n worsie.

Suzette feeds him a cocktail sausage. Just before he bites it, she kisses him and eats the remaining piece still sticking out of his mouth.

They fall back into the pillows. Rose petels flicked into the air.

They lie face to face with roses are all over Suzette’s face.

SUZETTE Ag Neels, wys my nou jou neelsie.

Neelsie is standing next to the bed facing Suzette, who is sitting on the edge facing him. She unbuckles his belt.

Neelsie smiles at her with and overwhelming sense of exhiliration.

BIG CLOSE-UP of Neelsie’s bum in the center of the frame.

Suzette drops his pants and reveals his cutoff blue Jean.

Neelsie SCREAMS. NEELSIE AAARH! FLASHFORWARD ENDS INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY Neelsie jumps up from his afternoon nap on the living room couch.

NEELSIIE AAARH! He recollects himself. A rugby jersey flies through the air onto his face.

OUMA NELLA(O.S) Kom. Ons gaan laat wees. Vandag gaan ek die referee...

5.

EXT. RUGBY MATCH/PAVILION - NIGHT Japie and Faan are sitting on the pavilion watching the Ouma Nella verbally attacking the referee on the field.

JAPIE Bliksem! Daai ou antie is mal!

FAAN Ne. A foot comes whoosing through the air and KICKS a rugby ball placed on a peak of sand.

Neelsie is also sitting on the pavilion, watching with a beverage in hand.

RUGBY PLAYERS, aged 14, are running and passing to each other.

Neelsie is overcome with boredom and looks around for something exciting. There she is. Suzette is walking past the pavilion toward the tuck shop.

The halftime whistle BLOWS. Ouma Nella sits next to him.

OUMA NELLA (breathless) Daai ref is van sy kop af.(Beat) En, vir wat lyk jy so katools?

NEELSIE Ouma. My dop is klaar, ek kry vir ons nog twee.

Neelsie stands up and runs down the pavilion steps, looking like an idiot. Ouma Nella shouts at him.

OUMA NELLA Onthou my kind, haal hom uit en laat hom pronk. Ha-ha A discerned MOTHER covers her CHILD’s ears.

EXT. PAVILION - NIGHT Neelsie walks behind the pavilion with a beer in each hand. Suzette is all alone, leaning over a metal fencing that overlooks the rugby field. Neelsie approaches her.

NEELSIE Hey daar mooiste meisie van my drome, wats jou naam?

She opens herself up to Neelsie.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

6.

SUZETTE Suzette, en jy is?

NEELSIE Neels van Niekerk, maar al my vriende noem my Neelsie.

Suddenly someone SPEAKS from behind them.

WILLIE Watse vriende? Ha-ha!

They turn around. Neelsie angrily looks at Willie.

NEELSIE Wat soek jy hier, Rooi Willie.

WILLIE Dude, is jy n Quack. Ek’s die captain van die rugby span wat speel. Hier babe.

He hands her a beer.

SUZETTE En, hoe ken julle mekaar?

NEELSIE Hy is in my...

Willie rudely interrupts.

WILLIE Die dikfrik is ’n my swem instructor, en hy’s n little bitch. Jy moet hom in sy cute sjoe broekie sien. Sjoe Broekie, Sjoe Broekie, Ha-ha Classic!

Neelsie does not know what to say and takes a gulp from his beer instead.

BOY(O.S) Chips!

A rugby ball comes CRASHING down into Neelsie’s drinks. It spills everwhere.

They start LAUGHING. Neelsie’s humiliated facial expression.

NEELSIE Nee! MATCH DISSOLVE TO:

7.

INT. BEDROOM - DAY Neelsie is looking at himself in the mirror while sobbingly singing a song.

NEELSIE Want jy soen my nie meer nie! Jy soen my nie meer nie. Ek mis hoe dit was, en jy maak met my hart soos klei...

The camera reveals that he is naked, only wearing his cut-offs and Crocs.

MONTAGE OF NEELSIE BEGINS 1. Neelsie eating a hot-dog in the park, only wearing cutoffs, with people passing by unnoticed.

2. Neelsie sitting in his Speedo by the pool, WILLIE bombs into the water, splashing water all over Neelsie.

3. Neelsie drives his bike, in his cutoffs.

4. GIRLS playing in the street watch him.

5. Neelsie standing in his cutoffs in front of a poster of a muscular bodybuilder.

5. Neels facial expression.

6. He bumps into a glass door.

MONTAGE OF NEELSIE END INT. VIRGIN ACTIVE SWIMMING POOL - NIGHT Crocs walking alongside the swimming pool.

Neelsie walks in his Speedo and little cuttoff Jeans alongside the edge.

The camera CRANES UP from Neelsie’s feet all the way up to his utterly depressed face.

Neelsie looks down at his trainees in the water.

NEELSIE Hello julle. Het almal hulle strekke gedoen?

A group of aged LADIES, all dressed up in colourful and uncomfortably revealing swimsuits are standing waist deep in the shallow end. HESTER comes closer to the wall.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

8.

HESTER Skattebol, jy lyk ongelooflik onsteld. Wat makeer?

NEELSIE Ag dis sommer niks Tannie.

HESTER Niks se foet, kom sit hier by die rand sodat ek jou beter kan sien dan vertel jy my als.

Neelsie sits on the edge with his feet swirling in the water. Hester affectionatly strokes his knees.

NEELSIE Tannie, ek kom nie reg met die meis...

She interrupts.

HESTER Wat is haar naam my skat?

NEELS Suzette.

HESTER Is jy skaam vir jou shamepey?

NEELSIE Hoe bedoel Tannie?

HESTER Dit maak nie saak of hy lank en maer is(beat) of kort en dik is nie, solank jy haar net teen die wasmashien was druk en klip hard...

EXT. BOOKSTORE - DAY Japie and Faan arguing about something unimportant.

FAAN (shouting at Japie) Naai!(beat)Dis myne die.

INT. BOOKSTORE - DAY Neelsie is standing with his back against a bookshelf. He looks around the corner at Suzette packing books into another bookshelf.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

9.

NEELSIE (to himself) Haal hom uit en laat hom pronk.

He confidently walks to Suzette. Just before he gets close enough to greet her, a tall handsome MAN enters the frame and tickles her from behind. She turns around, surprised and laughing.

Neelsie stops in his tracks. The camera TRACKS into his dumbstruck facial expression.

Books drop to the floor.

EXT. BOOKSTORE - DAY Neelsie runs outside aimlessly. The two coloured men are still arguing.

JAPIE Naai, kyk hoe draft die vet seun dan nou?

FAAN Sies.

EXT. PATHWAY - DAY Neelsie comes running around the corner on the pathway in front of all the houses in the street. He is out of breath and stops, crouching down and crying.

Something catches his attention on the lawn next to him.

Two dogs are having sex, one on top of the other.

Neelsie gets up and looks at the two dogs going at it.

NEELSIE (to himself) Trek jou broek af en wys haar jou...

INT. MALL - DAY A LITTLE GIRL holding her MOTHER’s hand scream with terror.

LITTLE GIRL TOTTIE! Ma kyk sy tottie!

Neelsie runs through the mall, totally naked.

SERIES of SHOTS BEGIN (CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

10.

1. Neelsie streaking through the mall.

2. Neelsie streaking through a active rugby match.

3. MS of Neelsie running through the players.

4. Naken bum running 5. Crown Reactions 6. Neelsie Running in traffic.

7. Neelsie running across a four-way intersection.

8. Reaction of person in car.

9. Neelsie running through a residential area in the street.

10. Willie looking at Neelsie while mowing the lawn.

11. Neelsie streaks and gives him the finger. A car passes the frame.

12. Camera TRACKING left to right behind Neelsie who standing naked on the edge of the swimming pool with his arms raised and all the ladies in the water looking at him.

13. One old lady’s kinky reaction.

14. Neels blows her a kiss.

15. MATCH DISSOLVE - Neelsie entering the showers, sliming broadly.

15. The cuttoff blue Jean hanging on a hook outside the showers.

SERIES OF SHOTS END INT. OUMA NELLA’S HOUSE - DAY Ouma Nella is sitting on the living room couch in her rugby jersey with a beer in hand.

OUMA NELLA Trek jou broek af en wys haar jou!

SUPER: Jean Pant.

THE END