Eat work shit sleep

WORK EAT SHIT SLEEP

Written by Name of First Writer

Based on, If Any

Address Phone Number

FADE IN: EXT. STREET - DAWN A vehicle stops. Two little BLACK BOYS[13] run out, each carrying a stack of posters.

The Coloured DRIVER[34] smokes a cigarette while waiting for the boys to stamp the posters onto the lamp posts in the residential street.

INT. JOE THALE’S APPARTMENT - MORNING CLUCK CLUCK! The vehicle’s backfire wakes JOE THLALE [26, BLACK and bald].

Joe wipes his eyes, switches on his bedside radio and walks into the kitchen.(LOTUS FM on the Radio) He puts a pot of water on the stove, drops in a pinch of salt and takes a bag of maize out the cupboard.

MONTAGE BEGINS [ theme - MOST MEDIOCRE and MUNDANE] a)Joe eats breakfast b)Coffee. c)getting dressed d)Morning shit.

MONTAGE ENDS INT. TAXI - MORNING (music continues into this scene) Joe travels to work via taxi cab. MIRIAM An huge black woman[25] gets in at a bus stop.

MIRIAM Halo sissy, Dumela babba. Morning Joe, glad to see your sober.

JOE Not tonight. Amma Bukaneers!

2.

5

HOOT HOOT. The taxi leaves

5

INT. JOSHUA DOORE - DAY A bed store with ever stretching rows of beds. Televisions and furniture everywhere.

Joe enters through the main entrance on his way to the staff room. Some of the staff members are already doing their job.

He walks past MARGERET[secretary 35 female]. She notices him passing, but that’s about all, then she continues with a phone call.

SERIES OF SHOTS 1. Joe unwrapping beds in the store 2. Joe pushing a loading cart through the shop.

3. His Supervisor, KAGISO MOLOI[24] orders him around, with a clipboard in hand.

SERIES OF SHOTS END. EXT. LOADINGBAY - MID DAY Joe eats his lunch on the back of a pickup truck. He watches the people pass by and some of the other workers playing some casual soccer in the loading bay.

CHRISTO HARMSE[50, veteran company mechanic] sits next to him and opens his lunch box.

CHRISTO HARMSE Bruinbrood en konfyt. Elke liewe dag bruinbrood en konfyt.

He bites his sandwich. Joe looks at him.

JOE THLALE lets go to KFC instead, we have another 30 minutes left.

CHRISTO HARMSE Ag newat ouboet, eks te moeg om te loop.

JOE THLALE Want some of my pap en moroggo?

3.

CHRISTO HARMSE Weet jy wat, die bruin brood is eintlik nie te droog vandag nie.

Joe laughs.

JOE THLALE Hare playa...

Christo doesn't understand what he means, but laughs as well.

CHRISTO HARMSE Net so ja..

They eat their lunch and watch the rest of the soccer game.

INT. JOSHUA DOORE - AFTERNOON It’s 5 o clock and the workday has ended. Joe finishes up his last duties and walks to the staff room.

INT. STAFF ROOM - AFTERNOON He undresses. Kagiso also in the room, gets into his PIRATES shirt and turns around.

KAGISO (Sotho/Zulu) Ola. I’m off to the game as you can see.

JOE Amma Buckaneers...Where are they playing?

He flicks BWM keys into the air and catches it.

KAGISO Athlone Stadium.

JOE (confused and angry.)

Hare playa.

KAGISO So will you cover for me tonight?

Ill buy you a case Zamaleg someday, Ag pleas man bafeto?

JOE Yeah, okay.

4.

INT. SECURITY BOOTH - NIGHT A small television with a soccer game - PIRATES vs. CHIEFS on display in the security booth.

Joe is leaned back, CHIEFS scarf around the neck, on a leather chair watching the game. He fiddles with a ring of keys.

We HEAR something in on the main floor.

He looks through the window and scans area. Then he gets up and roams the floor.

The NOISE rises, tension builds.

INT. JOSHUA DOORE/MAIN FLOOR - NIGHT Joe jumps around the corner of a high king size bed, ready to strike with his baton, but it’s a false alarm. Just a small television on the bottom shelf that’s screens ANIMAL PLANET a tropic beach and crashing waves.

Joe turns around and scans the entire building.

CUT TO: INT. MIDMAR’S - NIGHT A sliding door opens. Joe enters the liqueur store and walks towards the fridges.

A sixpack of Black Label placed on the pay counter.

Joe waits behind the counter for the shopkeeper [20, White fat male student] to scan the beer.

We HEAR loud CHEERING. He looks up at a TV in the top right corner of the store.

Pirates just scored a goal.

JOE (to himself) I’ll buy you a case of zamaleg someday(clicks his tongue) The shopkeeper smiles flirtatiously. Joe grabs the case and he’s out.

5.

INT. JOSHUA DOORE - NIGHT He unlocks the main entrance of the building and walks towards the security booth not far from him. Halfway there, he stops and takes a long hard look around.

An entire store. Big Flat screens all around. No one else but Joe. He looks at the case of beer in his hand and says.

JOE BafeeeeeeTO. MONTAGE OF JOE DRINKING BEGINS 1. Joe gets drunk 2. All the televisions are switched on.

3. He pumps the music from a big stereo.

4. He jumps on the beds.

5. He gets drunker 6. Chiefs scores! Joe slides on the floor - like he scored the goal himself “ LADUMA” MONTAGE OF JOE DRINKING ENDS INT. JOSHUA DOORE - NIGHT A large LCD television with the CHIEFS goal scorer celebrating!

Joe jumps around on one of the large queen sized beds and throws his scarf in the air.

The scarf hooks onto a ceiling fan.

JOE Aibo...

He jumps and jumps but doesn't get it. As drunk as he is, he stumbles and falls off the bed.

Joe is knocked out.

WIDE-SHOT: an eeriness hangs over the floor. Funny NOISES are heard.

A television goes on unexpectably on one side of the room. A CRACKING NOISE from the TV[ no signal]

6.

A stereo comes on by itself.

UNKNOWN VOICE Youve got an uncle in the furniture bussiness....(lose signal) Joe is slowly awaked by a SUPERSPORT COMMENTATOR’s voice.

SUPERSPORT COMMENTATOR (O.S.) ...WAAAALTA MOKOENA and Whata wonderful matchup, Lets talk about the...etc.

Joe regains his stance and looks at one of the large televisions. The final score PIRATES 1 - 3 CHIEFS. He picks up his scarf and roams about and is shocked by the mess he made on the store.

JOE (totally wasted) Eish...Buckaneers bafeto..Aibo EXT. TAXI - NIGHT Joe’s head rests on the window as the taxi takes him home.

MIRIAM, significantly also in the taxi that time of night, looks at him and swings her head.

MIRIAM Ama Dronka Dronka..Your going to lose your job sonny..

INT. JOE THALE’S APARTMENT - LATER A door opens. Joe stumbles in.

INT. BEDROOM - MOMENTS LATER Joe falls on his bed.

FADE TO: EXT. STREET - DAWN A same vehicle stops and the same two black boys run out to put up the daily news on the lamp posts.

7.

INT. BEDROOM - MORNING CLUCK CLUCK. An expected backfire wakes Joe from a terrible night’s sleep.

He gets up with a painful headache, switches on the radio on his bedside table and walks to the kitchen.(Same music plays/Same radio station - “Your listening to LOTUS FM) Again, pot of water on the stove, a pinch of salt and as Joe opens the cupboard for the bag of maize, he stops.

JOE (in Sotho) Ooof, my stomach.

INT. TOILET - DAY A long wood corridor with a toilet in the far end. Joe enters frame and takes a seat on the white ceramic stool. He closes the door partially.

Joe is legs spread on the toilet. He feels something in his stomach.

JOE EY! Aibo! Aaaah! Makuuuulu!

TINK! Something metallic hits the ceramic.

JOE (CONT’D) EISH! He turns around to inspect the situation.

CUT TO: INT. TAXI - MORNING Joe sits by the window minding his own business. A small bag on his lap. The taxi stops to pickup Miriam. She squeezes in next to him and does the same daily greetings to the passengers.

The taxi leaves. Miriam can’t get her eyes from the Joe’s bag.

JOE (to Miriam) Goggo, can I borrow your cellphone daarso mamma?

8.

Miriam takes her cellular from her boobs.

MIRIAM Goggo?(clicks her tongue) She hands him the phone. Joe makes a phone call.

Kagiso answers on the other end.

JOE HA-lo. (Sotho) Im not coming in today KAgiso, there’s something in my stomach...I promise man...No I didnt drink lastnight..

We hear the SCREAMING FURY of his Kagiso on the other end.

JOE (CONT’D) Eish!

He hangs up and returns the cellphone to Miriam.

MIRRIAM What’s in the bag.

JOE (Clicks his tongue) FoetSEke man!

INT. LIVINGROOM - DAY A MAID[30 in domestic uniform] irons shirts while on the phone with someone. She notices someone at the front gate.

INT. WORKSHOP - DAY A man’s is knee deep underneath an old rusted car. Soft music is heard from the workshop speaker’s.

The maid appears out the back door.

MAID Oupa..Hier’s iemand vir jou.

Christo Harmse gets up from underneath the car. Joe waits with his bag in the garage doorway.

INT. WORKSHOP - DAY Joe drops a large dildo-like metallic thing on a workshop table.

9.

CHRISTO HARMSE Boetietjie, speel jy vir die ander span?

JOE (in poor afrikaans) ...ja hulle het gewen gestraand.

CHRISTO HARMSE (mumbles to himself) Nuwe Suid Afrika, anything goes.

JOE Eeh. CLICK! - Christo found an opening to the dildo device.

Tensions builds. They look at it with eager eyes.

OTS: The dildo in two pieces. We reveal a little metallic plate. Joe picks it up. It glimmers and reads: SEALYPOSTUREPEDIC JOE (CONT’D) (clicks his tonge) Aibo what is this?

Christo takes it from him and inspects it.

CHRISTO HARMSE Wag ek dink ek sien iets.

He readjusts his large spectacles.

CHRISTO HARMSE (CONT’D) SEEE. LEEE. POSTUREPEDI....CK As he announces the last “CK” SOUND of the text, we hear a sudden WHOOOMF. The camera rattles and the two men are gone.

INT. LIVINGROOM - DAY We see a green flash from outside, The maid is on the phone while ironing a shirt, not bothered by the green light.

EXT. SPACE - DAY Feathers everywhere. The two men travel through time and space. It’s all white with feathers and pillows and girls bouncing on floating king sized beds.

10.

EXT. BEACH - DAY A tropic beach. The same beach that appeared on Animal Planet.

WIDE-SHOT: Joe and Christo drop out of the sky onto the sandy beach.

They get up, dust themselves off, both looking super confused. Joe notices something underneath a large palm tree.

A desert mirrage looking JOSHUA DOORE[50] in a comfortable couch.

Christo re adjusts his spectacles and they walk to the mirage.

IT becomes clearer and clearer and we see that the mirage is real. The man gets up.

JOSHUA DOORE Yo whats cracking dudes.

JOE Who are you?

CHRISTO HARMSE En waar is ons? Wat gaan aan?

JOSHUA DOORE Chill out. Your in big bay and don’t be all bleak about it, it’s only a bed company you know.

JOE Wait a minute, you look familiar..You’re that guy man..He’s That guy man.

JOSHUA DOORE Yeah..”youve got and uncle in the furniture bussines...

He sits back on his chair and croses his legs.

JOSHUA DOORE (CONT’D) ...Joshua doore” CHIRSTO Kan jy dit oorvertel.

JOSHUA DOORE Check this out.

11.

He takes a pillow from his couch and strikes each of them through the face. Nothing happens for a moment or two, but then, Joe and Christo both build up a sneeze.

HA HA HA CHOOOOO! - All three men disappear with a electromagnetic shock wave like abduction.

INT. JOSHUA DOORE HEAD QUARTERS OUTER SPACE - NIGHT Three men walk through a enormous warehouse, Joe and Christo a few meters behind Joshua Doore. There are hundreds of wrapped beds and furniture.

JOE So this is where it all starts?

CHRISTO HARMSE my maggies maar dis baie beddends.

JOSHUA DOORE You can say that again.

Joshua Doore turns around and faces the two. He steps forwards and points at the brand on a SEALY KING SIZE bed next to him.

JOSHUA DOORE (CONT’D) Do you know what the words SEALY stand for?

Joe and Christo remain silent in anticipation.

JOSHUA DOORE (CONT’D) Stop Eating Asshole’s Shit Like Yesterday.

Joe and Chirsto look at each other in confusion.

JOSHUA DOORE (CONT’D) Yeah I know, if spells out wrong.

Nothing works with Sealy, I’d know, i’ve been at it for a long time..

But you know what I mean..

They now look at him with even greater confusion.

JOSHUA DOORE (CONT’D) Being a simpleton is simple, being mediocre is mildly entertaining, but being exta-ordinary(beat).. that my dear Joe Thlale, takes a massive bed shop and a kick in the ass.

12.

We HOLD on JOE as he says those last words.

Joshua doore picks up a pillow and looks at them. He swings it.

JOSHUA DOORE (CONT’D) Lets get out of this joll.

CUT TO: EXT. BEACH - DUSK The two men fall out of the sky and onto the sand again. They get up, both searching for Joshua.

We hear an off-screen shout JOSHUA DOORE Yo dudes, the waves are killer.

Joshua doore comes out of the sea all wet and sticks his board into the ground.

JOSHUA DOORE (CONT’D) Well it was naaaice havin you two oaks over, behind you is an exit sign around that sand dune. Stay Sweet dudes...you gotta hurry, lunchtime is over in like a minute.

Joe looks at Christo and Chirsto looks at Joe. They turn around and start running. Josh Shouts at Joe as they leave.

JOSHUA DOORE (O.S.) (CONT’D) Joe remember...You just gotta unwrap the bed life gives you and jump on it till you fall off...

Joe looks over his shoulder. Joshua doore runs back into the sea for another wave.

EXT. SAND DUNE - MOMENTS LATER Joe reaches it first. Below the exit sign is a wooden tree bark with a small piece of metal. A text on it that glimmers: SEALY POSTUREPEDIC. He turns around to find Christo, but he is far behind.

JOE Time’s running out for us oom.

13.

CHRISTO HARMSE Jy’t baie tyd oor Boetman, ek sal die volgende een vat.

JOE (in afrikaans) Is jy seker oom?

Chirsto laughs and waves at him.

CHRISTO HARMSE Hare Player...

Joe touches the metal piece and WHOOMF. SILENCE. Then another WHOOMF. The earth shakes. Dust covers FRAME. DISSOVLE TO: INT. WORKSHOP - DAY Joe is thrown into a shelf. Tools and cables fall on him.

INT. LIVINGROOM - DAY The main still on the phone and ironing, not bothered by the LOUD noise outside.

EXT. WORKSHOP -DAY Joe closes the front gate, takes one last look at the workshop and leaves.

FADE TO: EXT. STREET - DAWN The same two boys and the same vehicle. Deliveries are made as usual.

INT. APARTMENT - MOMENTS LATER CLUCK CLUCK - The vehicle leaves, but it doesn't wake Joe as he is already up, looking at the car through the window as it leaves.

14.

He switches on the radio, but changes the station to RSG and walks to the kitchen.

A Stove, but no pot of water placed on it.

Joe opens the cupboard and takes out a box of all bran flakes.

Joe leaves the house. The front door closes.

EXT. ROAD - DAY A taxi drives past frame. We PAN LEFT to reveal Joe, who stares at it and starts walking to work.

INT. JOSHUA DOORE - DAY Joe unwraps a large bed and moves it onto the floor. He see’s a CLEANING LADY[21] mopping up the beer and glass from his eventful night.

EXT. LOADINGBAY - DAY Like every other day, Joe sits on the back of a pickup truck with his morrogo and pap.

We TRACK in as he sticks a spoon into his meal, but he doesn't take a bite. He stares at the mini soccer game going on in front of him, just like any other day.

He looks at the time, and scans the loadingbay for Christo, but he doesn't show.

Joe jumps off and goes inside.

INT. MARGERET’S CUBICLE - DAY Margeret is busy with a client on the phone. Joe comes in and waits a bit.

MARGERET Yes? JOE THLALE Halo madam, is Christo on a call out?

MARGERET Christo does no longer work here Sweety.

15.

Joe leaves the building quite depressed. He passes a large LCD television screening ANIMAL PLANET - Tropical beaches, Sunshine, waves crashing.

Joe stops right in front of the screen and stares at it. He smiles.

INT. JOSHUA DOORE - STAFF ROOM - MORNING Joe is at his locker, undressing. As he zips down his blue over-all. Mr. STORM[46, Store Owner] knocks on the door. Joe turns around.

MR. STORM I’m looking for Joe Thjale?

JOE That’s me boss.

MR. STORM Your on the floor today, here is your stock sheet and the order booklet...

Mr. Storm approaches Joe and hands him the sheet and booklet.

MR. STORM (CONT’D) ...Apparently Kagiso’s got some kind of thing in his stomach. A pathetic excuse of there ever was one.

MR. Storm leaves the room. Joe is overjoyed feels like a champion. He power fists in the air.

JOE Laduma!

As he prances around the room in victory, Mr. Storm returns.

MR STORM Oh, and ask Margeret to get you a white shirt and a name tag from HQ. Mr. Storm leaves.

Joe quite emotional, whispers to himself.

JOE Net so Ja..

CUT TO BLACK.