Are you nerding well?

Top 5 habits to slay

With a new year now well underway, the exam period here at the University of Luxembourg wrapped up, and most resolutions now thoroughly abandoned, it seems like a good moment to look into what makes a student successful. To do so is not merely to look at scores, however; as Aristotle said, excellence is a habit, not a singular result. Therefore, it is the habits we must look at to see what is really necessary for success.

1.Leaving work for the last minute

Whomst among us hasn’t looked up at the time or date, after a nice lie in and a lazy afternoon, only to realise that it is 4pm the day before an essay deadline – for which you have naturally done not so much as the preparatory reading – only to then plant ourselves in our seat and churn out two or three thousand words on the topic just in time to send it to the professor at 11:59?

Certainly, no student who would admit to having failed in such a situation could ever be a successful one; it therefore follows that doing so is the mark of a successful student. QED.

2.Writing under the influence

Though some institutions of higher learning prefer their students to turn in a well structured essay, rigorous and regimented as a rifle battalion, they have also been known to accept essays that are essentially streams of the student’s consciousness. That stream can sometimes find itself dammed up, however, and so the odd bit of hard liquor can be quite the convenient bouncing bomb to drop on your brain if struggling with a topic.

At the very least, you will think your writing is improving, and is that not almost as good? Any student who cannot earn a good grade with such a process clearly doesn’t have what it takes to be successful.

3. Skipping classes

On the one hand, the opportunity to study at university is an invaluable one, one that has the opportunity to impact the shape of the rest of your life, and a big part of that is the transmission of knowledge from our erstwhile professors over the course of classes, seminars, and such. On the other hand, getting out of bed in the morning is hard, and sleep is also very important for you, so could you really be blamed for not showing up to classes – including afternoon ones?

Any student with the makings of greatness should be able to catch up on their own time, or maybe even bring forth ideas to outclass their teachers as though birthing Athena, no classes required.

5. Not sleeping

Many scientists say that sleeping is crucial to your ability to learn and function. On the other hand, you can only really do anything if you’re awake; it therefore follows that sleep is for the lazy – and since a lazy student could not possibly be a successful one, it is all but self evident that a student who does not sleep is a successful one, and indeed that the less a student sleeps the more successful they are.

Some useful tips for avoiding sleep are: playing loud music long into the night – or alternatively having neighbours who do –, drinking caffeinated drinks round the clock, and if you’re really dedicated there are pharmaceuticals (and also less refined products) which can help.

4. Not doing the reading

It has been said that “whoever cannot draw upon 3000 years of history is living hand to mouth”. No doubt, the person who said this had also many times in their life heard the saying “shut it, nerd”. With so many ways to enjoy life – the parties, the romance, the Netflix binges accompanied by equally extravagant binges of Ben and Jerry’s – who wants to sit around and read all day? Especially books that don’t even have a good action scene, or unnecessarily graphic descriptions of unreasonably attractive people having sex?

Sure, some students who try this might fail, but the same is true of university generally; truly, success with this approach is what separates the wheat from the chaff.

So there you have it: a fool-proof list of habits and behaviours that will help you be a successful student. Let it never be said that we at Roux do not care about the academic performance of our readers.

by Jack Moller