What has Cork ever done for us?

Ah, the banks…I just love the banks! Huh! Just proves how out of touch you are! I mean, who really loves the banks?!

The Banks Of My Own Lovely Lee! Beautiful song!

Oh, those banks!

Yes, THOSE banks! Just one of the many things to love about Cork! Cork?

Yes! The Rossies are away to Cork this Saturday in an All-Ireland preliminary quarter-final!

I know! But I’m still processing last Sunday!

If you were involved in a cycling accident contact Byrne Carolan Cunningham Solicitors

Last Sunday has been and gone! Our lads tried their best! It was a thriller in Tullamore! I know! We were there!

Our lads had a bit of an off day, but they can storm back against Cork!

(They pause to check if President Higgins has issued any more controversial statements this week; he hasn’t)

The Banks Of My Own Lovely Lee… love it!

Yeah, but what else is Cork famous for? I mean, to paraphrase Monty Python’s classic ‘What have the Romans ever done for us?’ line… what has Cork ever done for us?

Well, Cork gave us its scenic beauty and great food and the unique charm of its people…

Yeah, fair enough, but apart from its scenic beauty and great food and the unique charm of its people, what has Cork ever done for us?

Well, it gave us great hurlers and footballers…

Yeah, fair enough, but apart from great hurlers and footballers, and its scenic beauty and great food, what has Cork done for us?

Well, it gave us Jack Lynch, and Roy Keane, and Cillian Murphy, and…

Yeah, but apart…

(Editor: Enough!)

But it’s a huge issue…

Is it REALLY?

Yes! Check my social platforms for ‘99 reasons why it frustrates me’…

WHAT EXACTLY IS THE PROBLEM?

There’s a nationwide crisis.

REALLY?

Look, we had a heatwave, we’re having a humid spell now. Everyone wants ice cream, particularly 99s.

Yeah…

But the flakes are crumbling!

The flakes are crumbling?

Yes, it’s breaking news!

Ha!

Instead of being strong and reliable, the flakes of 2023 are falling apart within seconds of entering the ice cream. It’s a nightmare!

(They pause to consider this matter of considerable importance)

Hey, my friend…

Yeah?

I just remembered, and maybe older readers will too… Cork also gave us Cha and Miah!

Remind me…

Two geezers who sat around talking good-natured nonsense about the issues of the day… pontificating in the media on everything and anything for the pleasure of the public!

Huh! Sounds like a silly idea, it would never take off now!

It’s been a GOOD week for… ☺

Gaelic football (long overdue), with last weekend’s final round of games in the AllIreland SFC Group series producing some welcome thrills and spills

The two (very) lucky winners of last Saturday’s massive Lotto jackpot prize, with one of the tickets being sold locally in Tuthill’s Newsagents in Athlone’s Golden Island Shopping Centre, and the other in Inishowen, Co. Donegal – the winners will receive over €6.37m each

Cavan golfer Leona Maguire, who shot a final round of 64 while winning the Meijer LPGA Classic in Michigan, her second LPGA Tour success

It’s been a BAD week for… ☹

Connacht teams in the All-Ireland SFC Group series, with Mayo licking their wounds after a sloppy defeat to Cork, Galway losing to Armagh, Roscommon coming up short against Kildare, and Sligo being trounced by Dublin (Galway, Mayo and Roscommon live to fight another day)

LETTER TO THE EDITOR Reader’s frustration over state of roads

Dear Editor,

Just a few thoughts on our roads here in Roscommon Town. Many readers will be aware of the points I raise as they drive this route on a daily basis, as I do.

From Lidl up to Casey’s roundabout and on up to McNeill’s roundabout the roads are like something from an apocalyptic war that has destroyed everything.

If you bought two litres of milk and travelled this route you would have buttermilk by the time you got home!

After all the roadworks that have been carried out in the last year or so, you would think the powers that be would have left the road surface the way they found it, but not so. It seems to be a case of ‘damn the motorist’.

We have a lovely town, but visitors to Roscommon must be thinking the same as I am, i.e. that these roads are sub-standard. If one’s vehicle gets damaged due to these terrible roads, is Roscommon County Council going to foot the bill?

Let’s get these roads smooth enough to at least drive on comfortably. It’s gone beyond a joke now.

Yours sincerely, Damien Hogan