So I went to buy a Valentine’s card… but I ran into the pub bore!

There are 32 muscles in a cat’s ear…

Huh?

There are 32 muscles in a cat’s ear…so, the average cat has 64 muscles in their collective ears!

Okay…

And cows cannot walk down a stairs.

Seriously?

An absolute non-runner.

Why are we talking about this stuff?

‘Cos I got caught with the pub bore on Tuesday evening!

Ah, he’s alright…

You don’t understand!

Huh?

It was Valentine’s Day! I went to buy a card for my better half…

Last of the great romantics…

I wanted to put a bet on Roscommon v Armagh, so I popped into the bookies.

Very unusual for me…

As unusual as the sight of a cow descending a staircase!

I’m telling you…they can’t do it! Anyways, I put the bet on…

And the Valentine’s card?

Yeah, got that too. Then I met the pub bore outside the bookies.

Okay…

…he insisted on a quick pint!

And?

Two hours later, we’re still at the bar counter…he’s in full flow.

Huh?

“A cat has 32 ears in each of its muscles”…

Endangered Species Thebarstoolboyos

I think you mean 32 muscles in each ear…

Sorry, I’m flustered. Then the pub bore tells me all about cows not being able to walk down the stairs…

That’s baloney!

It’s true! They can’t!

Give me details…

Well, they can walk UP a stairs, but they can’t walk down…it has to do with their knees. They can’t bend them as required…

Mmnn…anyways, any other news since we chatted last?

The rugby was sensational on Saturday… I know! We watched it together!

Denis Naughten is retiring….

Yes, an impressive guy! Because of that vacancy, I’m giving renewed thought to my political ambitions. Don’t worry, I still have you down as my Director of Elections.

Eh…cheers.

(They pause to ponder if they’ve ever wondered before about cows’ knees or cats’ ears)

Anyways…

ANYWAYS! I Did you get home in good time to present the Valentine’s card?

That’s the thing…that’s why I was annoyed with the pub bore and his rabbiting on about cats and cows! My wife was expecting me back from my walk at 7, but I wasn’t home ‘til 8.30!

Oh…

It was fine. I explained how I had been ‘detained’…told her all about the wisdom of the pub bore.

Had she any queries?

Not unreasonably, she wondered how anyone discovered that cows can’t walk down a staircase! Then, when I said the pub bore told me that tortoises are slower than turtles, she had another question…

Yeah?

She wanted to know if I had walked home with a tortoise!

It’s been a GOOD week for… ☺

The men in green, this after rampaging Ireland defeated France in a Six Nations thriller at the Aviva Stadium

Roscommon Hospice Unit, which finally officially opened to patients on Monday, just over a year after it was launched by Minister for Health Stephen Donnelly

Kansas City Chiefs, who launched a second-half comeback to defeat the Philadelphia Eagles and claim the Superbowl, a TV spectacular which has a growing following in Ireland (hence the presence of many bleary-eyed people on Monday morning)

Singing superstar Rihanna, who delivering a widely acclaimed half-time show during Sunday’s Superbowl, during which she hinted (and later confirmed) that she is expecting her second child

It’s been a BAD week for… ☹

Roscommon hurling, with the struggling senior team losing by 2-16 to 0-15 to Louth in the Division 3A Hurling League, a defeat which led to the resignation of manager Francis O’Halloran

Thousands of residents in New Zealand, after a tropical storm led to massive power outages and the cancellation of hundreds of flights (a state of emergency was declared in five regions)