Bart Lodewijks - Noordereiland Drawings 3 (ENG)

B ar t Lodew ijk s Noorde re iland Draw ing s 3

E nglis h

A C hampion

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N oordereiland Draw ings B art Lodew ijk s , 20 20 -20 21

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Until las t we ek all the c halk draw ings were on the we s t s ide of the is land . In an at tempt to tac k le the entiret y of the plac e, I had als o made a few draw ings in the middle of the M aas k ade, the long s tretc h of quay along the river Nieuwe M aas , inc luding on B ert ’s s hip. B ut B ert pac ke d every thing up and s hippe d out to S c hie dam . I lef t the empt y mooring s ite for w hat it was and de c ide d to try my luc k in the eas ternmos t s e c tion.

T here, in all its glory, s tands a hide ous apartment c omplex ere c te d high and dry ab ove the is land: the K oopvaardijhof, w ith as many as thre e -hundre d -and eight y re s idents . M y draw ings were not appre c iate d, though: they had to go. T hen I was inv ite d to the top floor of the building by an enlightene d c ouple .

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A C hampion

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T he tid e is ou t a nd the d iff e re nc e b e t w e e n lo w a nd hig h tid e is ov e r one -a nd-ahalf m e tre s . I hav e purc has e d a buc k e t a nd a pre s sure w as he r to s pray off the c halk d raw ings I d id a w e e k ag o on the K oopv aa rd ijhof a pa r tm e nt b uild ing . T he s oc ial hous ing pro je c t from 19 8 2 , a n a ppalling s tac k of te n s torie s of g las s a nd c onc re te , s e e ms to ris e up ou t of the riv e r M aas .

S inc e the re is no fauc e t a ny w he re in s ig ht to c onne c t the pre s sure w as he r to, I hav e to d raw the w ate r ou t of the K onings hav e n. M y c le a ns ing ope ration is tak ing p lac e at the re q ue s t of the a pa r tm e nt ’s o w ne rs as s oc iation, s inc e L e nie , a s a nd y -haire d w oma n of ab ou t s ix ty w ho is hig hly c onc e rne d ab ou t the s tate of the build ing , lod g e d a c om p laint . S he a nd he r hus ba nd liv e on the othe r s id e of the w all that I d re w on; the ir a pa r tm e nt look s ou t onto the inne r c our ty a rd of the c om p le x , a law n as b ig as a football pitc h

w ith b e nc he s a nd p lay g round e q uipm e nt . R unning und e r the b uild ing is a n e ig ht-m e tre -hig h pas s ag e w ay w hic h is ope n to the ou ts id e a nd c onne c ts the e nc lo s e d g a rd e n to the q uay.

It is a w ind tunne l b u t it ’s d r y – a nd it ’s the b e s t loc ation for a c halk d raw ing on the is la nd I hav e y e t to find . I had alm o s t ma nag e d to le av e b e hind a pe rma ne nt a r t w ork .

A s I d raw, I oc c as ionally e ng ag e in c onv e rs ation w ith s om e of the re s id e nts . S inc e I a m up on a lad d e r, thoug h, I hav e to talk to the m from on hig h, w hic h I d o not e njoy d oing b e c aus e I d on’ t lik e loo k ing d o w n on pe op le . W he n L e nie w alk s b y or s its w ith he r hus ba nd on the balc ony, s he c a n s e e m e c halk ing aw ay. ‘I’m y our ne w ne ig hb our,’ I jo k e , b u t the hum our is lo s t on he r.

‘No b od y as k e d for the m , s o y our c halk d raw ings a re not w e lc om e he re ,’ s he s ay s . I w as d raw ing at a he ig ht of thre e m e tre s s o no b od y w ould b e 7

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ab le to w ipe off the c halk . S he c om pa re s my w ork to a has tily s c raw le d , ob s c e ne p hallus that had b e e n rud e ly d raw n in b lac k ma rk e r on the faç ad e of the b uild ing ma ny y e a rs ag o b y s om e a nony m ous pe rs on. To he r m ind , it w as all the s a m e thing a nd the build ing ne e d e d to b e k e pt fre e of s c rib b le s . In the hope s that s he m ig ht as y e t le a rn to liv e w ith my d raw ing , I tr y to b e as und e rs ta nd ing as po s s ib le .

I d o a nothe r t w o la rg e d raw ings on the le ft a nd rig ht c orne rs of the build ing . A trio of re tire d por t w ork e rs s e e s a c ro s s -s e c tion of a s hip in the m , bu t the y a re ab s trac t s p hinx e s g ua rd ing ov e r m e .

It is a w ay for m e to mainta in my g ras p on the build ing a nd g iv e the re s id e nts a c ha nc e to g e t to k no w m e . T he m e n all liv e in the K oopv aa rd ijhof a nd g athe r in front of the e ntra nc e s e v e ral tim e s a d ay to c hat .

T he y prov id e uns olic ite d c om m e nta r y on my w ork – a b unc h of s oft-he a r te d g rous e rs

w ho k no w w hat ha rd w ork is b u t d on’ t lift a fing e r a ny m ore .

O ne of the m is na m e d S jaak a nd he ’s m is s ing a le g . He pulls up his trous e r-le g to s ho w m e his pro s the s is . ‘It ’s his o w n fault , y ou k no w. He has d iab e te s a nd w as too s tub b orn to g o to the d oc tor.

T hat ’s w hat y ou g e t ,’ his mate P ie t re s pond s , w ithou t m uc h e m pathy. T he ir jib b e r-jab b e r a nd e nd le s s re lativ iz ing has a n e nc ourag ing e ff e c t on m e , w hic h is w hy I the n s ta r t on a four th la rg e d raw ing , on the w hite w all that s e pa rate s the d raug hty pas s ag e w ay into a pe d e s tria n a nd a b ic y c le z one .

B e c aus e w hite c halk line s a re ba re ly v is ib le on a w hite bac k g round , I us e ora ng e c halk , a c olour I had als o us e d in the por t . I had b e e n d raw ing line s for ba re ly a n hour, thoug h, w he n the c ha irpe rs on of the o w ne rs as s oc iation v ig orous ly pu ts a s top to it . A ll of the d raw ings I had mad e on the b uild ing , e v e n the s p hinx e s w atc hing ov e r m e , w e re to b e 10

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re m ov e d e ff e c tiv e im m e d iate ly.

It tak e s a lot of w ate r to w as h aw ay the d raw ings . Und e r the w atc hful e y e of the form e r por t w ork e rs , I hois t buc k e t afte r b uc k e t of w ate r up ou t of the M aas in a form of pe na nc e .

I prom is e d the c hairpe rs on that I w ould c ontinue to d raw up w ate r until the riv e r d rie d up or the v e r y las t b it of c halk had d is a ppe a re d from the b uild ing . T he ora ng e d raw ing is pa r tic ula rly s tub b orn: the m ore I s pray, the d e e pe r the pig m e nt s e e ms to pe ne trate into the sub sur fac e .

No w that L e nie no long e r s pe ak s to m e d ire c tly bu t only throug h the c hairpe rs on, he r v oic e is s tuc k in my he ad ; thoug h it is om nipre s e nt , I pay it no he e d . Nor d o I lis te n to the load of c ra p s pe w e d b y the g rous e rs . It is all m e a nt in fun a ny w ay. ‘D id the y te ac h y ou that in a r t s c hool? ’ P ie t as k s , s hak ing his he ad . W he n L e nie pas s e s b y, the y hur tle jus t as ma ny s nid e c om m e nts he r w ay.

‘ You’re a d ic tator,’ S jaak g ro w ls , as his form e r c o -w ork e rs g la re at he r. I c a n und e rs ta nd that the fe r v our w ith w hic h I d re w a nd the c our te s y I a m s ho w ing b y re m ov ing the d raw ings w ould a rous e s c orn a nd rid ic ule . B u t the fac t that the y w ould tak e it ou t on L e nie , too, prom pts re fle c tion. T he m e n a re ab us iv e to w a rd s b oth of us , w hile w e b oth hav e the b uild ing ’s b e s t inte re s ts at he a r t . T he ir rud e ne s s d riv e s L e nie a nd m e tog e the r. In a fit of loy alty, I w ink at he r a nd s ay, w ithou t a touc h of irony, ‘ W ith my c le a ns ing ope ration, the b uild ing w ill b e m ore b e au tiful tha n e v e r.’ S he hus tle s on w ithou t s ay ing a ny thing bac k .

W as hing aw ay d raw ings is lik e c a rr y ing w ate r to the s e a , b u t I re fus e to b e d is g runtle d ab ou t it . W ork ing w ith c halk has ha rd e ne d m e . T he ra in has w as he d aw ay s o ma ny of my d raw ings ov e r the y e a rs that the lo s s e s no long e r c ount .

B u t hav ing to re m ov e the d raw ing at the e ntra nc e to the 13

K oopv aa rd ijhof w e ig hs he av ily on m e . D e e p d o w n I w a nte d to le av e b e hind a d raw ing on the is la nd that w ould re main v is ib le a nd c ould ma nag e w ithou t m e .

T he ug ly, d raug hty pas s ag e w ay und e r the K oopv aa rd ijhof w ould prote c t suc h a d raw ing in a c om p le te ly natural w ay, as if the build ing w e re d e s ig ne d for it . I als o d id a d raw ing the ra in c a n’ t re ac h on the othe r s id e of the is la nd , on the sub s tation nex t to the b oule s c our t , bu t that has iv y g ro w ing on it . T he d raw ing c a n only b e s e e n from the a pa r tm e nts ac ro s s the w ay a nd it w ill s lo w ly d is a ppe a r b e hind thic k fo liag e .

L e nie s ta nd s w ith he r le gs a pa r t on the q uay talk ing inte ntly to a s le nd e r w oma n ho ld ing a C hihuahua . T he d og o w ne r s hak e s he r he ad in d is b e lie f. Is L e nie d is c us s ing the w e athe r, or the m iniature d og ? T he re is ha rd ly a c loud in the s k y a nd the d og is a g ood b oy if e v e r the re w as one . A s s oon as L e nie notic e s m e , s he

turns he r bac k . Is s he talk ing ab ou t m e? I he ad ov e r to the riv e r for the um pte e nth tim e w ith my e m pty buc k e t . I hav e alm o s t finis he d w as hing the d raw ings off the w alls , w ithou t fe e ling a thing . T he e y e s of the C hihuahua lad y b ore into my bac k . It is a priv ile g e to b e ab le to re m ov e a d raw ing b y y our o w n ha nd , I e nc ourag e my s e lf. I’m the w e athe rma n ord e ring the c loud s to b urs t ; I d on’ t hav e to le av e it to the unpre d ic tab ility of nature .

T he w av e s in the K onings hav e n a re c alm e r a nd m ore pre d ic tab le tha n in the he av ily traff ic k e d Nie uw e M aas flo w ing on the othe r s id e of the K oopv aa rd ijhof. W he n I g o to d rop the b uc k e t d o w n into the w ate r from up on the q uay, thoug h, the rope I hav e tie d to the ha nd le is a n a rm’s le ng th too s hor t . I ho ld the fray e d e nd in my rig ht ha nd a nd c la m p onto the s te e l ra il of a lad d e r a nc hore d to the q uay w all w ith my othe r ha nd . S te p b y s te p, 14

I d e s c e nd to w a rd the w ate r ’s sur fac e a nd s lo w ly d is a ppe a r b e hind the q uay w all. No w L e nie a nd the C hihuahua lad y c a n no long e r s e e m e .

I s te ad y my fe e t on the b ottom rung of the lad d e r, w hic h is c ov e re d in s lippe r y alg ae . A naus e ating , b rac k is h s m e ll c re e p s into my no s e a nd a w av e of luk e w a rm M aas w ate r w as he s ov e r my s hoe s .

I c a re fully le t the buc k e t d rop.

It t w irls aim le s s ly w ith the c urre nt lik e a pa pe r b oat until the c ord is tau t a nd w ate r g us he s in ov e r the lip. It tak e s a lot of w ork to k e e p the buc k e t from s ink ing a nd g e t it bac k up onto the q uay w ithou t s pilling .

I’m ac tually s hor t a fe w ha nd s for d oing it suc c e s s fully. I w ra p my a rm w ith the buc k e t a round the s te e l rungs of the lad d e r, k e e ping a tig ht hold on the rope . W ith my fre e ha nd , I g rab onto a hig he r rung . T he b uc k e t s w ings d a ng e rous ly up ag ains t the q uay w all a nd my w e t s hoe s . I s pas m od ic ally hois t the s lo s hing buc k e t up

a nothe r te n d e c im e tre s , the n tak e a d e e p b re ath a nd ma nag e w ith my ou ts tre tc he d a rm to s e t it onto the q uay ab ov e my he ad w ithou t too m uc h s pillag e .

T his w ho le b ung le w ill sure ly g iv e L e nie a nd the d og o w ne r a laug h, I think . B u t w he n I lift my he ad up ov e r the q uay, the t w o w om e n hav e d is a ppe a re d .

A le a n ma n ad v a nc e d in y e a rs loo k s at m e w ith a furro w e d b ro w. ‘It ’s ou trag e ous that y ou’re re m ov ing tho s e b e au tiful c halk d raw ings . T he y w e re suc h w ond e r ful d raw ings , b u t no w the y ’re c r y ing ,’ he s ay s w he n I c om e up to him .

T he c halk m ix e d w ith the rins e w ate r has le ft a g o s s a m e rfine w hite v ale of te a rs on the w alls . ‘I’ v e b e e n forc e d to re m ov e the m b y ord e r of the c ha irpe rs on,’ l s ay, du tifully. I w ill d r y the te a rs late r, I w a nt to ad d b u t a m unab le to. I a m as ha m e d ab ou t hav ing c a pitulate d to the au thoritie s .

B e c aus e w ho c alls the s hots w he n it c om e s to c halk d raw ings , sure ly that ’s m e?

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‘ T his c ha pte r of the as s oc iation irritate s m e to no e nd ,’ the ma n c onfid e s in m e w ith a s e rious g rin. He c hoo s e s his w ord s c a re fully, as if the y w e re w ritte n d o w n; the y e v id e nc e a re s pe c t for la ng uag e a nd a re v e re nc e for b e au ty.

I m ov e a little c lo s e r to him . He ’s la rg e r, old e r a nd m o s t lik e ly w is e r tha n I a m . Ye t d e s pite all the s e d iff e re nc e s , w e s ha re s om e thing in c om m on. B u t w hat , ex ac tly ?

C ould it b e a lov e of la ng uag e?

W ho is this c ha m pion w ho has e m e rg e d ou t of no w he re? I w a nt to as k him , bu t I s w allo w my w ord s . It is too e a rly for c onc re te q ue s tions , it w ould only b re ak the s pe ll of the m om e nt . His profe s s ional life pre sumab ly lie s b e hind him a nd prob ing him ab ou t that m ig ht jus t e m ba rras s him . It ’s nic e that he a pproac he d m e on his o w n a nd ex pre s s e d suc h a ppre c iation for my w ork , thoug h. W e s ta re at the M aas in s olid a rity a nd s ay nothing .

T he abund a nc e of w ate r ou t

the re that c ould b e us e d to w as h aw ay my d raw ings te rrifie s m e . A ny m otiv ation for s c ooping e v e n m ore w ate r ou t of the riv e r d ra ins from my b od y, as if the ma n has s hak e n m e aw ak e a nd s ho w n m e my true tas k . I m us t und e r no c irc ums ta nc e s c oope rate w ith the re m ov al of the c halk d raw ings , a nd c e r ta inly not w ith the au thoritie s : that is pro hib ite d as of no w. I fe e l as if I hav e b e e n re prima nd e d in the g e ntle s t of ma nne rs , w hic h mak e s the m e s s ag e hit hom e all the ha rd e r.

I loo k s id e w ay s at my ally, w ho g az e s ou t ov e r the he av ing w ate r. W hat is g oing throug h his m ind ; is he think ing the s a m e thing I a m? ‘ W hat d o y ou d o for a liv ing ? ’ I b lur t ou t . ‘I a m at re s t ,’ he s ay s afte r think ing ab ou t it for a m om e nt . A n e v e n d e e pe r furro w a ppe a rs on his fac e . ‘M y na m e is L e e nd e r t , b u t y ou c a n c all m e L e e n.’ A s e ag ull s c re e c he s ov e rhe ad a nd a g lo b of b ird s hit falls rig ht into the b uc k e t . ‘R ig ht on ta rg e t ,’ he 16

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c alls up to the b ird . ‘I’ v e d raw n a lot of s e ag ulls , thoug h the y a re all ac tually albatro s s e s .

I’m v e r y g ood at d raw ing albatro s s e s ,’ he ad d s . I re ac h ou t my ha nd a nd s ay w ith a c huc k le , ‘ You c a n c all m e B a r t .

I too lik e to d raw.’ ‘B a r t , that ’s a w ond e r ful na m e . I’ v e s e e n a lot of othe r c halk d raw ings of y ours a round the is la nd ; it ’s alm o s t lik e the y fe ll from the s k y,’ he ad d s , s m iling a m iab ly.

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D e a r L e e nd e r t , It c he e re d m e up e norm ous ly to m e e t y ou on that sun-d re nc he d d ay in June . F or the long e s t tim e , I had not y e t v e nture d into the A nt w e rp s e Hoofd ne ig hb ourhood , the s o -c alle d e as te rn e nd of the is la nd w hic h is tak e n up alm o s t e ntire ly b y the K oopv aa rd ijhof – the a pa r tm e nt c om p lex w he re y ou a nd y our w ife , B e p, liv e , als o k no w n a round the c ountr y as one of the ug lie s t build ings in the c ity. T his w as due not to a ny d aunting e ff e c t the c o lo s sus m ig ht hav e had ov e r m e bu t to the fac t that I had my ha nd s full w ith the w e s t s id e of the is la nd . C om pa re d to the w e s t s id e – w ith its pre d om ina ntly b ric k build ings b uilt in the e a rly fiftie s a nd m e asuring no hig he r tha n thre e s torie s – the K oopv aa rd ijhof look s lik e a for tre s s . You – a nd b y that I m e a n b oth y ou a nd B e p, s inc e s he w as the one w ho late r inv ite d m e to lunc h in y our a pa r tm e nt on the

top floor – lo w e re d the for t ’s d raw b rid g e . In y our lov e ly hom e I found a w a rmth that I had not y e t k no w n on the is la nd – not b e c aus e I w as sud d e nly surround e d b y four w alls that k e e p the w ind a nd the ra in at bay b u t b e c aus e y our hom e is fille d w ith b ook s .

I lite rally c o lla p s e d into its e m b rac e lik e a pe rs on re turning hom e afte r a long journe y. M y e y e s s w e pt ov e r all the w rite rs s y s te matic ally filling y our w all c ab ine t . I’ll b e hone s t : not only w as I g rate ful for y our g e ne ro s ity, I c a m e to re p le nis h my s pirits a nd lic k my w ound s .

T hings had g one te rrib ly w rong ou t the re .

In e a rly sum m e r I s c re w e d up my c ourag e a nd s ta r te d d raw ing on the faç ad e of the K oopv aa rd ijhof w ithou t as k ing pe rm is s ion. W ho w as I suppo s e d to as k ? T he o w ne rs as s oc iation, the re s id e nts ?

T hat w ould ’ v e b e e n po s s ib le , of c ours e : the as s oc iation has its off ic e s in the build ing a nd I ra n into the re s id e nts ou ts id e .

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B u t I re fus e d s om e ho w to hav e to re q ue s t pe rm is s ion from a ny one . T he d raw ings I d id on the w e s t s id e of the is la nd ex e rc is e d a m otiv e po w e r ov e r m e . I w as prope lle d e as t w a rd s a nd the s e lf-e v id e nt nature of b e ing ab le to d raw a ny w he re a nd e v e r y w he re c a m e w ith m e . T he re sult w as , of c ours e , that the re s id e nts only firs t ad d re s s e d m e onc e I w as alre ad y w ork ing on the K oopv aa rd ijhof. A s a w hole , the nature of the s e e nc ounte rs w as not d is m is s iv e bu t , rathe r, c he e r ful a nd w hims ic al. I m e t S jaak , w ith the w ood e n le g , a nd the a r t-lov ing c ro w lad y, w ho s e nic k na m e s te ms from he r b ird-lik e ma nne r of w alk ing a nd c opious us e of b lac k e y e line r. S he told m e that a r t is im por ta nt a nd that y ou ne e d to tak e g ood c a re of y ours e lf. I ag re e d w ith he r b u t d id n’ t g e t a c ha nc e to s ay s om e thing frie nd ly in re turn.

S he talk e d only ab ou t he rs e lf a nd als o s lippe d in inc id e ntally that s he had not ne g le c te d he r

hus ba nd . He r a ppe al for c a re a nd atte ntion re s onate d w ith m e . W as I not d oing the s a m e thing , tak ing c a re , b u t in this c as e of a b uild ing or pe rha p s e v e n the e ntire is la nd ? Ins pire d , I c halk e d on. T he re g radually a ppe a re d m ore d raw ings on the K oopv aa rd ijhof tha n I orig inally inte nd e d . A nd the n L e nie s ho w e d up, the d raw ing ’s ne ig hb our. T hroug h he r ac tions , my c a re for the build ing w as c as t in a d iff e re nt lig ht .

You a re probab ly think ing : this g uy d oe s n’ t b e at a round the bus h, a nd he als o s tum b le s ov e r his w ord s . B u t the re as on for this le tte r is s im p le . I w a nte d to tha nk y ou b oth for the w a rm re c e ption a nd w ond e r ful c onv e rs ation that w e s ha re d a round the k itc he n tab le . A s I loo k bac k on our e lab orate lunc h, it oc c urs to m e that the re is a lot m ore that I w ould lik e to te ll y ou.

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B e p a nd L e e n’s a pa r tm e nt has a v ie w of R otte rd a m on b oth s id e s . It is late in the afte rnoon a nd the tab le w e a re s e ate d at thro w s a n e long ate d s had o w on the c a rpe t . T his is the s e c ond tim e I hav e v is ite d the m a nd I alm o s t fe e l lik e one of the fa m ily. ‘ T he d raw ings on the g round floor a re s till c r y ing ,’ s ay s L e e n, pointing to the s pots of c halk I w ilfully le ft b e hind . ‘I w ill ne v e r ag ain w as h aw ay one of my c re ations ,’ I s ay re s olu te ly. L e e n nod s a pprov ing ly. ‘L e nie a nd the c hairpe rs on w ill jus t hav e to le a rn to liv e w ith the ora ng e re s idue . I told he r the d iff e re nc e in c olour is only a ppa re nt if s om e one look s for it ex pre s s ly or s he points it ou t ,’ I ad d . ‘S he has joine d the ne ig hb ourhood c ounc il a nd the c halk d raw ings prov id e a n oppor tune c ha nc e to tak e a s ta nd that e v e r y one probab ly ag re e s w ith,’ L e e n c onte nd s . ‘ W he n s om e one to ld he r “ You a re a d ic tator,” my he a r t s ofte ne d to w a rd he r a b it , as if I ne e d e d to prote c t

he r,’ I ad m it , as jus tific ation for w hy I had n’ t le t into he r. ‘S he ’s all rig ht ,’ L e e n c onfirms , ‘b u t s he d oe s g e t on my ne r v e s .

I’m m ore b othe re d b y the c ha irpe rs on, w ho d id n’ t mak e a ny e ff or t to find ou t ab ou t y our w ork .’ ‘ T he e x c ruc iating thing is that my aus pic ious pe rma ne nt c halk d raw ing has no w b it the dus t a nd I’m bac k to s q ua re one ,’ I re p ly. R e s ig ne d to my lo s s , I tak e a b ig g ulp of te a , w hic h is for tunate ly not too hot . ‘ You a re a ta m e r of pe op le ,’ B e p s ay s . ‘D id y ou k no w that ? You ma nag e d to not mak e a ny e ne m ie s w ith y our ac tions a nd I think that ’s q uite a n ac c om p lis hm e nt .’ S he pours m e m ore te a . ‘ W ould y ou lik e a b is c uit or a pie c e of R e form e d c ak e? ’ L e e n ad d s . ‘ T he c ak e is from a frie nd of B e p’s , a c ak e bak e r – or s hould n’ t I s ay that , B e p? ’ He loo k s at he r in c onfus ion, unsure if ‘c ak e bak e r ’ d oe s jus tic e to the frie nd s hip the t w o s ha re . ‘I’ll hav e a R e form e d pie c e of c ak e , the n, jus t lik e B e p,’ I s ay.

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A s L e e n nib b le s on his b is c uit a nd trie s to think of alte rnativ e s for the te rm ‘c ak e bak e r ’, a la rg e b lac k -a ndw hite p hoto ha ng ing nex t to the b ook c as e along the w all c atc he s my e y e . It ’s s om e one I think I re c og niz e bu t c a n’ t q uite p lac e . W hy is the p hoto printe d life -s iz e? T he pe rs on d e pic te d is lik e a n e q ual a m ong us . I re c og niz e that c his e lle d he ad a nd tho s e pie rc ing e y e s from the bac k fla p of a w e ll-k no w n b ook . It m us t alm o s t c e r tainly b e a p hoto of a w rite r, bu t w ho? A w rite r from a b y g one e ra ... M ig ht L e e n als o b e one , a w rite r at re s t ...? I als o s e e on one of the b ook c as e s he lv e s a halfe m pty litre b ottle of purp lis hb lac k ‘g allnu t s c hool ink ’ w ith a y e llo w e d lab e l b e a ring the b ra nd-na m e K lu tma n & C o in a rc haic le tte ring . It s ta nd s as a w ond e r ful m onum e nt to the ac t of w riting .

I’ v e only jus t g otte n to k no w L e e n a nd B e p, of c ours e . T he y ’ v e b e e n tog e the r

for alm o s t fifty y e a rs a nd hav e b e e n b le s s e d w ith a n e x pa ns iv e v ie w of the M aas for e le v e n of the m . L e e n is b e s e t e v e r y no w a nd the n w ith unid e ntifiab le pa ins ; his fac e te ns e s up a nd he sud d e nly loo k s o ld e r tha n the is la nd its e lf. A nd B e p? S he is q uite a b it y oung e r. T he room is s tre w n w ith b oo k s a nd the tab le litte re d w ith c u t-ou t frag m e nts of te x ts s he has w ritte n. I think s he w rite s a lot of le tte rs .

O ur c onv e rs ation oc c as ionally falls s ile nt , as if a pag e is b e ing turne d in a b oo k .

I b re athe , lis te n a nd re fle c t .

T he c om m e nta r y the g roup of re tire e s at the b uild ing e ntra nc e hurle d at m e c ould als o s te m from the tim e of K lu tma n & C o, I think . T he form e r por t w ork e rs ’ w ord s g ot s tra ig ht to the point , m o s t lik e ly form e d b y the ir y e a rs of inte rac tion w ith s te e l, oil a nd w ate r ; y e t is n’ t it e x ac tly in suc h e le m e nta r y mate rials that a w e alth of la ng uag e c a n b e found ? T he foo lis h id e a that e v e r y one on 28

Noord e re ila nd m ig ht b e g ifte d w ith a ric h v oc abula r y a nd c ould w rite b ook s pop s into my he ad , bu t I im m e d iate ly d is m is s it a nd c ontinue lis te ning to L e e n. I g la nc e s id e w ay s at the b ottle of ink a nd w ond e r ab ou t w ho m ig ht hav e w ritte n it half e m pty. L e e n? Ho w is it po s s ib le that I e nd e d up in the a pa r tm e nt of the m o s t aff e c tionate a nd d e lig htful pe op le on the is la nd ? T he y a re s o c a ring a nd s w e e t to one a nothe r.

A nothe r foolis h id e a oc c urs to m e : w ould n’ t it b e nic e to mak e a d raw ing on one of the w alls in this liv ing room?

B e p a nd L e e n s e e m to m e to b e pe op le w ho k no w ho w to a ppre c iate suc h things . B u t d o I d a re as k the m that pointb la nk ? In all the y e a rs I’ v e b e e n d oing c halk d raw ings , the po s s ib ility of inte rior d raw ings has re maine d a thorny is sue , a hurd le I s e t b e fore my s e lf a nd c ro s s only w ith g re at lab orious ne s s . O u td oors I hav e no prob le m c halk ing on

a ny thing a nd e v e r y thing , b u t onc e I e nte r s om e one ’s d omain, I hav e to o b s e r v e all the s oc ial nic e tie s : I w ill s ip my c off e e or te a a nd k e e p my w ork d riv e in c he c k . I tak e a b ite of the c ak e . ‘It ’s not too d r y a nd not too s w e e t a nd it d oe s n’ t tas te R e form e d ,’ I pronounc e , not that I a m a n e x pe r t on suc h matte rs . I loo k a round the room d e s pe rate ly. I re ally d o ne e d to s ay s om e thing ... ab ou t my m otiv ations , to g e t to the tru th of the matte r... te ll the m ab ou t the d raw ing I e nv is ion... Ne x t to the la rg e w ind o w w ith the v ie w of the Nie uw e M aas is a patc h of w all that c ould b e fre e ly d raw n on in c halk . M y g az e g rav itate s onc e ag a in to the b lac k -a nd-w hite p hoto. A nd it sud d e nly oc c urs to m e w ho it ’s a por tra it of : the my s te r y is s olv e d . T he re a re no w four of us he re . ‘ W e a re in the pre s e nc e of G e ra rd R e v e ,’ I s ay, onc e I s w allo w my b ite .

‘B y c oinc id e nc e , jus t thre e w e e k s ag o, I w e nt to v is it G e ra rd R e v e ’s g rav e in 29

M ac he le n-aa n-d e -L e ie , not fa r from w he re I liv e . It s ay s U heb ik lief (I lov e T he e ) on the g rav e . I ac tually took a p hoto of the p lac e , w hic h is unusual for m e ,’ I s ay. I s ta nd up a nd tak e the c a m e ra ou t of my bag to s ho w B e p a nd L e e n the p hoto. ‘I k ne w G e ra rd w e ll,’ s ay s L e e n, his m ou th t w itc hing w ith e m otion. ‘ W e c orre s pond e d for a fe w y e a rs ; I ad ore d him a nd v is ite d him s e v e ral tim e s , inc lud ing in M ac he le n-aa nd e -L e ie . I k no w the g rav e s ite . It re mains q ue s tionab le w he the r as s oc iating w ith him w as g ood for m e , thoug h, b e c aus e I b e c a m e s ic k as a re sult . T he b ottle of g allnu t ink w ill not hav e e s c a pe d y our notic e . G e ra rd dunk e d his d ip pe n in the g allnu t ink a nd I ac c um ulate d the b ottle s .

I hav e a n e ntire c olle c tion of the m . I c alle d all the prima r y s c hools a round to as k if the y s till had a ny g allnu t ink .’ He s ta nd s up a nd rum mag e s in a d raw e r look ing for s om e thing probab ly as s oc iate d w ith that

d iff ic ult pe riod . ‘He re , d ip pe ns ; I c olle c te d tho s e too bac k the n.

I hav e a g re at ma ny g ro s s of the m; w ould y ou lik e a b ox ? ’ He the n p lac e s the m ourning c a rd of the fa m ous w rite r on the tab le w ith s lig htly tre m b ling ha nd s . I’m s truc k b y the poe m on it : There is nothing in the world , dear Lord , but the s paces about us , but the s inging oceans , but the suns and the buz z late at night of swarming hordes , there is nothing but hollow words and my des ire struggling towards You. Ric hard Minne , ‘Drieluik – III’ ( Tripty c h – III) It ’s e v e ning b y the tim e I le av e B e p a nd L e e n’s flat . L e nie ’s lig ht is s till on a nd I duc k d o w n into my jac k e t s o s he w on’ t notic e m e . I d on’ t fe e l lik e b e ing tre ate d to a nothe r up b ra id ing a nd g e tting all c onfus e d ag a in.

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Ind ire c tly, thoug h, I g ue s s I hav e he r to tha nk for m e e ting L e e n a nd B e p. B e p had s lippe d m e a s mall pac k ag e b e fore I le ft , a g ift c ontaining , b y the fe e l of it , a thin pa pe rbac k b ook or s c hool note pad . I’m not allo w e d to ope n it until I g e t hom e . A s I w as tak ing my le av e , I m e ntione d c asually that I als o d raw on inte rior w alls . I had hope d the y w ould s ay, ‘ You c a n c om e d raw in he re if y ou w a nt ,’ bu t I probab ly had not g iv e n the m e noug h of a le adup for suc h a b ig m e ntal le a p.

I had w alk e d to the balc ony at one point , inte nd ing to as k the m point-b la nk w he the r the re in the ir hom e , ou t of the w ind , on the top floor of the b uild ing , at the hig he s t point on Noord e re ila nd , prote c te d from the e le m e nts , I m ig ht b e ab le to produc e a pe rma ne nt c halk w ork , as I w as du ty b ound to d o. B u t jus t lik e b y our firs t e nc ounte r on the q uay, I w as p lag ue d b y the thoug ht that I m ig ht as k s om e thing dum b, w hic h w ould b ring

our e njoy ab le g athe ring to a pre mature e nd .

Ins te ad of po s ing the q ue s tion to the m , I d ire c te d it to my s e lf as I he ad e d hom e . W hy d o I w a nt to le av e a pe rma ne nt c halk d raw ing b e hind on the is la nd ? A n e s s e ntial c ha rac te ris tic of my d raw ings , afte r all, is that the y d o not pe rma ne ntly c ha ng e a ny thing in the p hy s ic al a ppe a ra nc e of a p lac e ; the y alw ay s w as h aw ay in the ra in. T he only p lac e I w a nt the d raw ings to b e ind e lib ly s ta m pe d is in pe op le ’s m ind s . D id I w a nt to b ring a n e nd to the no w 2 1-y e a r te rm of my c ontinuous c halk d raw ing ?

W hat c ould po s s e s s m e to w a nt to prote c t d raw ings that a re tra ns itor y in nature from the w ind a nd the ra in? W as the d e m is e of b e au ty b e g inning to w e ig h on m e? It has ne v e r b othe re d m e in the pas t . I c a n pas s ionate ly fritte r aw ay a nd us e up all my c halk . B u t w he n I w as w ith B e p a nd L e e n, m ore pre c is e ly, w he n I loo k e d that 31

ac c urs e d G e ra rd R e v e s tra ig ht in the e y e s – it s e e ms he w as ne v e r the m o s t a m iab le of pe op le , s o tha nk g ood ne s s he w as n’ t the re in pe rs on – it d aw ne d on m e that e v e r y thing that is v ulne rab le , w hic h inc lud e s my w ork , is d e s e r v ing of prote c tion. W ord le s s ly, R e v e had ord e re d m e to c om p le te a tas k : ‘D e a r B a r t : It is im por ta nt that at le as t a c oup le of y our d raw ings alig ht onto this lum p of e a r th b e fore w e a re w as he d aw ay... s ta r ting in this room , the hom e of my d e a r frie nd L e e nd e r t .’

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S ome W ord s from B e p

E x c erpt from the c hapter ‘H ealers and M agic ians ’ from S inging the Pain by B ep van M uilekom – a work in progre s s

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T hen, one day, the s ame s ummer the M agic ian is at tempting to get the pain mov ing , the artis t B art Lodew ijk s drops into our lit tle live s . W e ’re returning from our daily s troll along the river w hen we s e e a man s tanding high up on a ladder in the w indy pas s age under our apartment building . H e is holding a y ellow metal level in his hand and draw ing s traight and diagonal line s on the wall w ith blac k b oard c halk .

B efore I k now it, Le en has addre s s e d the man. H e is , of c ours e, intrigue d by the level.

His ow n wooden model is alway s ly ing around s omew here in the hous e . T he c halk man c lamb ers energetic ally dow n to the ground w ithout he s itation.

I am on my guard . T he pain harrie s Le en: one minute he has great diff ic ult y abs orbing information, the nex t he is unre s traine d . C onvers ations take unpre dic table turns . M y ne e d for order is great.

B art turns out to b e an

as toundingly enc hanting b eing w ho c apture s our at tention. H e live s in G hent and is work ing here on our is land, the s trip of land in the middle of the river M aas that c onne c ts the northern and s outhern parts of the c it y. In honour of the one -hundre d -and -fif tieth annivers ary of N oordereiland, the S tic hting Dragende M uur has c ommis s ione d him to make c halk draw ings on any thing that lends its elf to that. T he c onvers ation unfurls and greatly c he ers b oth Le en and me up.

O ur apartment building is at the top of the is land, and in an artic le in the NRC news paper ab out R ot terdam arc hite c ture, it was proc laime d to b e one of the uglie s t buildings in the c it y. It is b eautifully ugly, though. S oc ial hous ing , prac tic al and w ithout pretens ion, lac k ing any trac e of b eaut y. W e live on the tenth floor and have an impre s s ive v iew of b oth the M aas and – out the bac k – the c it y, w ith its bridge s and fore s t of towers . It ’s 39

like an eagle ’s ne s t, built in 19 81, w hen s we eping panoramas were not re s er ve d for the elite .

T he apartment building was popular among s hipmas ters for many y ears but that generation is quic k ly dy ing out. T he rental flats s ell bris k ly w hen the old timers die and they are b eing replac e d by a hotc hpotc h of new re s idents .

S ome oppos ition to the c halk draw ing has aris en in the ow ners as s oc iation. T he c hairpers on wants the artwork remove d . Le en is aggravate d by the man’s s hort-s ighte dne s s and is on the lookout for him .

H e wants to talk to him ab out it. I email B art. I read up on him online and learne d that pe ople ’s reac tions to his work are part of it. ‘ T he work c ons is ts of c halk , of faith, of re s is tanc e .

W ithout re s is tanc e, I c ouldn’ t do w hat I do. It ’s ab out get ting into trouble time and again and finding a way out.’

S o he ’s an e s c ape artis t, a wanderer arme d w ith a pie c e

of c halk and a level w ho draws line s around the world . A line is the s horte s t link b etwe en two points , he s ay s , like a foots tep. I hear my mother’s voic e in my head, w ho would c all y ou a lijntrekker 1 w henever y ou loafe d ab out, s hirk ing y our obligation to do the dis he s or other us eful c hore s . T hat word is als o a term for the lab ourers w ho us e d to haul the tow -line s for s hips in the olden day s .

W here our apartment building now s tands , there was onc e a magic al building w ith towers w hic h hous e d a s hipping c ompany that ran a ferry s er v ic e b etwe en R ot terdam and A ntwerp, B rus s els and G hent.

In my dreams I inhabit an entire floor there . I c an eas ily draw the building ’s lay out. It has a c reak y iron entranc e gate, thre e floors and is de s erte d ex c ept for me . It is alway s dark there, the wood floors c overe d w ith

1

T he Du tc h w ord ‘lijntre k k e r ’ m e a ns ‘le ad-s w ing e r ’ bu t its c om po s ite pa r ts lite rally tra ns late to ‘line haule r .’

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a thic k lay er of dus t, but I am us e d to it. A hous e like s k in, a lay er of prote c tion b etwe en ins ide and outs ide . In my mind, I s e e B art hauling a s hip from our is land to G hent.

T he is land has alway s play e d an intens e, c ompelling role in my noc turnal imagination. I’m s hopping in an old -fas hione d groc ery s tore that is long gone . T he s urly ow ner is wearing a b eige dus tc oat. I als o dream ab out the we s t end of the is land, from w here a s hip s ets s ail to the fantasy k ingdom of A ngelland, an is land ac ros s the N orth S ea . E very onc e in a w hile I make the c ros s ing .

I roam through the s trange, imaginary c it y ; there, too, I am alway s alone but I k now the way, the s tre ets and alley s are familiar to me . I’m not afraid of loneline s s . In my dreams , I am rehears ing for w hat lie s ahead .

In realit y, Le en and I almos t never leave the is land, and it ’s b e en that way for y ears . I do not mind .

T he enc ounters he has w ith pe ople are part of B art ’s work . H e reports on them in a trans parent, poetic manner, w ithout any of that b oas t ful language s o c ommon to pe ople w riting ab out art. N or is there any trac e of c ode d terminology b orrowe d from F renc h philos ophers , even though his lay ere d language doe s touc h upon w hat is not there . T he s implic it y of the line, the innoc enc e of a pie c e of c halk , his work man’s uniform, his mode s t y – are the s e the guis e s of a c onc eptual artis t or c os mopolite? O r is he really jus t an old -fas hione d romantic , F rie dric h’s wanderer ab ove the mis ts , look ing out ac ros s heaven and earth, v iewe d from b ehind? ‘Draw ing w ith c halk is a bat tle agains t ae s thetic s ,’ B art w rite s . ‘I dis trus t b eaut y but find it all around me .’

In our daily walk around the is land, Le en and I now s e e more and more s igns of B art ’s pre s enc e, things we hadn’ t notic e d b efore . D iagonal 41

and ge ometric s hape s on the c orners of hous e s or c ommerc ial buildings; s ome have already b e en largely eras e d by the rain, others are in plac e s y ou c an only s e e well from the river, s uc h as a line on a quay wall. T he draw ing in the c argo bay of a barge dis appears from v iew w hen the c aptain leave s the is land for another mooring loc ation.

I love this river that c onne c ts me to my B rabant roots . I move d from a v illage along the river to a v illage in it, but unlike the rural riverbank s I c ome from, the s e metropolitan waters als o fill me w ith a s ens e of uneas e . I avoid walk ing too c los e to the quay ’s e dge, s us pe c ting the ex is tenc e of life -threatening water s pirits , pre s s e d motionle s s agains t the flank s of a s hip ready to pull y ou underwater w ith a hook w hen y ou happen by. You c an fe el their pre s enc e; it is as if y ou are b eing s uc ke d into the depths . O ld c hildhood fears; imagination running w ild .

I s ing away the fear w ith Jan E lburg ’s words : Just like sailors sing... but sailors do not sing: they spit into the sea, they know the backs of cities and the front of the cold wind; sailors do not sing.

Image s don’ t meas ure up to realit y but poetry make s it b earable .

B art is b eing forc e d to c lean off the wall of our apartment building . You c an s till s e e vague trac e s of s mudge d w hite s treak s . ‘It ’s like the artwork is c ry ing ,’ s ay s Le en. I me s s age B art ab out it and s end him a v ide o of a de ep -s ea c reature, a trans luc ent oc topus . H e probably reminds me of jus t s uc h a c reature: trans parent and my s terious .

B art c an now re gularly b e found on the is land and has more or le s s inv ite d hims elf over to our plac e . In a very s hort time he has manage d to w in our trus t, to dis arm us . W e talk openly w ith him, w ithout 42

he s itation. W e k now by this point that he might w rite ab out it later but als o that nothing we s ay w ill ever b e us e d agains t us .

W e read that B art s ometime s als o draws ins ide pe ople ’s home s . ‘M ay b e he would want to do s omething here, too,’ Le en propos e s . ‘ You c an’ t really as k him that,’ I c aution. Yet w hen B art v is its us later, he timidly inv ite s our opinion ab out the pos s ibilit y of him mak ing a wall draw ing in our hous e . Le en s hoots me a triumphant look . W e fe el honoure d .

W e give B art fre e rein.

S oon af ter we tell him y e s , he returns to the flat and briefly s ounds me out ab out the idea of an orange c irc ular s hape . I imme diately pic ture the draw ings he made for the B ambino day -c are c entre in M olenb e ek , B elgium, c olourful c halk s hape s . T he toddlers s aw in them the ris ing and s et ting s un. ‘Line s of poetry w ithout words ’ is w hat B art c alle d the

long horiz ontal line s w ith c utout s e c tions of w hite wall. T he s hape s c ould als o b e read like c louds in the s k y, a c hildren’s game I s till like to play. S hape s drif ting by, ac c umulations of water vapour full of meaning .

Up until a c ouple of y ears ago, I of ten s tood at the w indow late at night, s taring out at the s tarry s k y and s park ling water, through w hic h a s ingle s hip might c raw l pas t, then murmur a pray er, but for too long now I have b e en s truc k dumb .

B art has s ele c te d a s pot, s ketc he s in the air and c ons c ientious ly tape s off parts of the s hape . It fe els as if he ’s already made the s pac e c ompletely his ow n. O ur wall prove s partic ularly re c alc itrant; it has no s mooth wallpapering s urfac e . B art pre s s e s the pigment into the wall, w hic h re quire s s trength. T he door to the balc ony is proppe d open to let in s ome fre s h air. H e s tops every now and then to eat or drink s omething . H e look s a 43

bit w ild – s weat y forehead, dis hevelle d hair. D is tant, too, as if the work never s tops but c ontinue s on in his head .

T he phras e ‘K uns t is t s c hön, mac ht ab er v iel A rb eit ’ 2 pops into mind, a s ay ing fals ely at tribute d to K arl Valentin, a G erman vaudev ille artis t, folk s inger, anarc his t and abs urdis t c ome dian of ten c ompare d to B us ter K eaton and S amuel B e c ket t. H e tinkere d w ith language and de c ons truc te d grammar long b efore it b e c ame fas hionable among philos ophers . His leptos omic phy s ique was b oth c omic al and mov ing: ‘Ic h bin mager, welc he P ein / M ager w ie ein S uppenb ein’. 3 H e was riddle d w ith anx iet y, almos t never lef t the hous e and die d a tragic death. R e d -heade d by birth, how c ould it b e otherw is e .

H e was like the hunger artis t, the c harac ter from the F ranz K afk a s tory of the s ame name w ho us e s his b ody as a tool and c annot s top fas ting b e c aus e he is unable to find any

food that tas te s good . ‘If had found that, b elieve me, I would not have made a s pe c tac le of my s elf and would have eaten to my heart ’s c ontent, like y ou and every one els e .’4 It is life its elf that he doe s n’ t like . N aturally, I re c ogniz e s omething of Le en and my s elf in that. I think bac k on w hen we firs t met, fort y -five y ears ago in the psy c hoanaly tic hos pital w here we had b oth b e en admit te d, and I s e e an orange head of hair full of w ild c urls , like a c low n’s w ig , and a pale fac e w ith s harply define d feature s . H e ’s pulling a fac e .

A b errancy is enthralling . I rewatc h v ide os of Valentin on YouTub e, s uc h as one hilarious bit in w hic h he is a z ither play er w ho s imply c annot s top play ing .

T he mus ic al pie c e reac he s a c limax but there is no releas e, the end is delay e d, mus ic ian 2 3

4

A r t is b e au tiful bu t it tak e s a lot of w ork .

‘I a m s k inny, w hat a pain / S k inny as a s oup b one ,’ from his m onolog ue ‘Ic h b in e in a rm e r mag e re r M a nn’ (I a m a poor, s k inny ma n).

Tra ns lation b y Ia n Johns ton.

44

and audienc e are c aught in a loop. You are lef t waiting for the re demptive final c hord . A mas ter of c eremonie s c ome s out on-s tage and urge s the audienc e to applaud in the hope s that it w ill bring things to an end . B ut it ’s all in vain. T hen the c urtains are draw n c los e d .

W hen they open bac k up, Valentin appears as a very old man w ith a b eard, s till pluc k ing the z ither. ‘ You two mus t b e s ure to rein me in at s ome point, b e c aus e otherw is e y ou’ll have the entire s olar sy s tem in y our hous e,’ B art emails me . T here is now a s emic irc le on our wall reac hing from floor to c eiling , meas uring one -and a-half metre s at its w ide s t; the draw ing is pret t y muc h done . It took B art a day. W e have b e c ome s o ac c us tome d to eac h other’s pre s enc e that we don’ t fe el the ne e d to talk .

B art grinds away at the wall.

I s it at the big table, c ut ting pic ture s out of news papers

and magaz ine s and de c orate envelope s and w riting paper for my daily c orre s pondenc e w ith the w riter K athy M athy s .

T he rhy thmic s ound of the c halk me eting re s is tanc e, the emphatic s w ipe s w ith the glue s tic k , the s c is s ors c ut ting through the paper; it all has a c alming eff e c t. M eanw hile, Le en reads to us from the work of G erard R eve, fre quently interrupting hims elf to make s ure his tone is s till all right and that the endle s s love s c ene s b etwe en y oung men aren’ t get ting to b e too muc h. T here is a fair amount of c huc k ling .

It ’s like we ’re toddlers in c las s together. B art likens his draw ing to a c hildren’s ac tiv it y. E very one s tarts w ith c halk , draw ing on the pavement, and if y ou draw on the pavement in front of the neighb our’s hous e, then y ou elic it a re s pons e . It is , in point of fac t, a s erious game, though, that take s him to s ome s c ary plac e s . Draw ing is his identit y, he w rite s , he b e c ome s one w ith his work , like a mus ic 45

ins trument and the s ound it produc e s .

T he c irc le is not perfe c tly round but inc line s toward an oval. A n e gg , Le en s ay s . In the day time the c halk give s off a s of t orange glow; at night, refle c te d in the w indow, it b e c ome s a full c irc le and c onvers e s w ith the moon. T he work unite s ins ide and outs ide, it barge s into the room . ‘ W hat doe s it mean? ’ as k s a friend to w hom I s end a photo. ‘ W hat is it s uppos e d to b e? ’ as k s another. I have no ans wer for them . T he draw ing s tarte d at the other tip of the is land but it is part of the one large draw ing B art is mak ing in the world . H e travels from a neighb ourhood in F landers to the favelas of R io de Janeiro, from D iepenheim in the north of the N etherlands to the v iaduc ts of C alc ut ta, w here the Dalits (‘untouc hable s ’ ) make their home . H e s hare d their food and drink , w hic h made him very ill, but he jus t kept draw ing .

H e wante d to touc h the heart of the c it y but it was C alc ut ta

that got into his head, he s ay s in retros pe c t. ‘It ’s almos t a k ind of madne s s ,’ Le en c onc lude s af ter we ’ve read B art ’s reports and s tudie d the photos . I think of Dante ’s de s c ent into hell.

B art ’s line s get eras e d by time and the weather, of ten b efore he has lef t a partic ular s ite . T hey turn to dus t, but w hat was c reate d remains .

T heir ex is tenc e c an never b e undone . T he very hairs on our heads are numb ere d . C halk is a v ulnerable, impermanent material. T he draw ing refle c ts our fragilit y, our brokenne s s in the pas t y ear. Lit tle ridge s of c halk dus t have forme d on the wall; y ou c ould blow them right off . B ut I want to pre s er ve the draw ing . ‘C halk los e s its power w hen y ou s eal it,’ B art w rite s .

‘C halk draw ings are made to fade away. F ix ation is a form of impris onment; if y ou s eal them, y ou de s troy their innoc enc e .’ I c an follow his reas oning but in his abs enc e I notic e in my s elf a grow ing ne e d to prote c t the 46

draw ing . It is fille d w ith light and life; innoc enc e s hould b e defende d . A s E mily D ic k ins on w rote in her poem ‘Let Us play Ye s terday ’ from 18 6 3: Still at the Egg-life ...

Chafing the Shell ...

Le en as s oc iate s the draw ing w ith the Dutc h peat polder lands c ape and s hows me photos of long , parallel trac ts of land s eparate d by ditc he s or embank ments . H e too is worrie d ab out the ridge s dis appearing . W e rais e the is s ue w ith B art v ia email. H e has apparently reac he d the c onc lus ion on his ow n that fix ing the draw ing is the b e s t option.

I realiz e that my de s ire aris e s from my re s is tanc e to impermanenc e . E ver s inc e Le en c ontac te d the euthanas ia c entre, I have b e en try ing to s low the proc e s s . T he hous e ne e ds to b e c leare d out firs t; we ne e d to draw up a w ill; s ummer is c oming , w ith its promis e of hope and b et terment; I’ve heard ab out a new treatment... A

friend as k s me how long I think I c an ke ep that up. S he think s death might b e eas ier to b ear than life . I ans wer that every day is one more . I would like to fix Le en. I am a lead -s w inger.

It was originally the intention that the ‘N oordereiland ’ proje c t c ulminate in a permanent artwork . H ere at our apartment building , the ow ners as s oc iation refus e d to grant permis s ion for a draw ing in the lower pas s ageway. T he re s idents s aw to it w ith s uc h fiery z eal that every trac e, every s treak of the work was eras e d that it is now forever imprinte d in every b ody ’s memory – a dominant, y et abs ent, artwork . B art s hould b e pleas e d . His de epe s t de s ire, to make a draw ing in s ome one els e ’s head, has b e en realiz e d .

H ow c an an innoc ent c halk line provoke s uc h an aggre s s ive re s pons e?

A line is a line is a line is the title of one of the doc umentarie s filmmaker G riet Te c k has made ab out B art ’s work . It e c hoe s 47

a line of poetry by G ertrude S tein, ‘R os e is a ros e is a ros e ’.

A Dutc h trans lation of that very line appears in ne on let ters on a faç ade ornament on one of the is land ’s buildings , as a tribute to the de c eas e d artis t B en A dmiraal. S tein was an e c c entric w ho ex perimente d heav ily w ith language, w hic h make s many of her b ook s unreadable, but her literary the orie s are intriguing . S he ex plode d meaning jus t like K arl Valentin, though w ithout his c hildlike play fulne s s . T he word ‘ros e ’ is us e d s o of ten by poets that the ros e has los t its identit y, the ros e has los t its ros ene s s . A c c ording to S tein, to ex perienc e the true b eing of things , of pe ople, of the entiret y of the moment, y ou ne e d more than s torie s w ith a b e ginning , a middle and an end . You c annot s urmis e s omeb ody ’s c harac ter through ane c dote s or dialogue, y ou ne e d to watc h them and lis ten to how they s ay things , in w hat rhy thm, to the repetitions that b etray a pat tern. T he

reader mus t b e c ome aware of w hat is hidden in the web of language .

I watc h a few trailers and s hort doc umentarie s by G riet. Her films are intens e and tranquil.

T hey are about pe ople in v ulnerable c irc ums tanc e s : a brother w ith autis m, pe ople w ith dementia, women pris oners .

S he torpe doe s the image s we have in mind w hen we hear thos e terms and s hows the pe ople we have burie d under our pre c onc eptions and prejudic e s . Her films prov ide no c onc lus ions , c ontain no voic e over or plot, but the image s are c hos en w ith deliberate c are . It is the s low ne s s of the c amera that c ompels us to c onc entrate, to obs erve w hat is there, w hat we tend to glanc e over.

A s we s it around the k itc hen table drink ing c off e e, G riet move s nois ele s s ly through our home . I try to imagine w hat s he s e e s , in us , w hat we let her s e e of us . W hat image s is s he re c ording, w hic h w ill s he s ele c t 48

and w hy ? In my mind I c all G riet an ‘as pirant ’, the traditional name for a woman w ho fe els draw n to a religious c alling and live s in a nunnery for a period of time . If s he like s w hat s he s e e s , this is followe d by y ears of initiation in w hic h s he be c ome s a pos tulant and then nov itiate before eventually tak ing her firs t and, ultimately, final vows . T here have be en as pirants w ho were older than fif ty, s uc h as the thirte enth-c entury M e c hthild von M agdeburg, a my s tic w ho s aw G od in all things and all things in G od . G riet ’s work eff us e s a c ertain monas tic s pirituality, w ith B art as a traveling monk . B oth of them are radic al, c ommitte d artis ts w ho break w ith c onvention and give us a glimps e behind the veil c overing reality.

S e eing things as if for the firs t time evoke s b oth wonder and s trangene s s . I c an re c all the firs t time I had a fas c inating ex perienc e like that as a k id, w hic h I have w rit ten ab out b efore:

‘O ther mothers have a s ew ing k it, mine has a tool-b ox . O ne w ith s everal levels and lots of c ompartments . D e s pite its dis array, my mother and I k now ex ac tly w here things are . W e take c are to avoid the was hc loth s tudde d w ith nails . T his my s terious univers e enc hants me . Up until the moment the familiar obje c ts no longer allow thems elve s to b e k now n. I s e e them then as if for the firs t time .

I turn to look at my mother. S he too has c hange d into a s tranger.

I b e c ome a s tranger to my s elf.’

I s end my friend S is ter Lieve a link to G riet ’s trailers and w rite ab out the light that s he and B art are s hining on our live s . Lieve k nows we are liv ing in the s hadow of death.

S he w rite s : ‘... tranquil, y e s ... profound, reac hing de ep dow n...

W hat a mirac le for y ou to have thos e two pe ople happen into y our live s – or s hould I s ay, a mercy. T hat ’s how I s e e it w hen I read ab out it and I think that is truly the c as e .’

49

‘B art is s uppos e dly a c onc eptual artis t, but he is ac tually s omething entirely diff erent,’ s ay s M arc el, a perc eptive man w ith a s harp ey e . H e has c ome to the hous e at B art ’s re que s t to s eal the draw ing . H e was mos tly s ilent and s harply foc us e d w hile c ompleting his work , in a trans parent tent he s et up in the liv ing room w ith great c are: a c ell made of plas tic and y ellow tape . F rom the outs ide all we s e e in that s heltere d env ironment is a mov ing s hadow, w hic h G riet follows w ith her c amera . It is pre c is ion work . T he v ulnerable c halk ridge s are c overe d in a hard lay er. T hey don’ t harden thems elve s , though; the s of t, v ulnerable c halk dus t is merely impris one d under a s hield – it c ould b e fre e d again at any time .

T he work doe s los e s ome of its tex ture as a re s ult of the treatment but the c olour is more intens e . T here is s ome irre gularit y at the b ot tom of

the form, s o that the c irc le verge s on a pear s hape . B art c ons iders mak ing a minus c ule adjus tment but is uns ure . A dev iation in the form c reate s tens ion, he s ay s; imperfe c tions draw the ey e . I laugh to my s elf.

It would b e diff ic ult not to s e e this c halk work , w hether it were s hape d like the s un or a light bulb . T he c hanging light dire c ts one ’s at tention to it, like how the water in the river flow ing to and from the s ea c ons tantly s e duc e s me into watc hing it and s way ing along .

T he orange line s on the wall are filaments full of s tore d energy. I think of A c hille s de K hotins k y, the R us s ian inventor, w ho e s tablis he d the firs t light bulb fac tory in the N etherlands here on N oordereiland, around the c orner. I walk pas t the plaque c ommemorating his adventurous life every day. T he ins c ription reads ‘ W ire is the b e s t c onvey er of ele c tric it y ’. A s a naval off ic er, D e K hotins k y had develope d a s earc hlight for the R us s ian-B altic fle et to 50

us e agains t the enemy, but he had to fle e the fatherland in 18 81 af ter b eing s us pe c te d of c ons piring agains t A lex ander II, Ts ar of R us s ia .

A t lunc h the five of us s it at our s mall k itc hen table like a s ort of family. B art tells us ab out the artis t Loek G rootjans , w ho c apture s the Z ealand light in a b ot tle and his father’s final breath in a handkerc hief. I am intrigue d by this at tempt to c atc h life by the tail, to touc h infinit y. G riet ’s s adne s s ab out her tormente d brother, to w hom s he never had a c hanc e to s ay goodby e, re s onate s for me w ith the tens ion s urrounding Le en. O ur talk w ith the doc tor is s c he dule d for later in the day.

O n the eve of departure B art and G riet are outs ide b elow, at the tip of the is land, tak ing s ome final s hots in the evening light. T he s k y is grey and the atmos phere s erene .

I’m s tanding ab ove them on the balc ony, look ing at the b owe d heads of Le en and B art, almos t

touc hing . I k now w hat Le en is telling him . G riet films the water.

I take photos .

A s dark ne s s falls a s pe c tac le erupts b ehind the apartment.

T he new ly built Z almhaventoren has reac he d a height of 215 metre s , w hic h is b eing c elebrate d w ith a flas hy light s how. T he tower ke eps c hanging c olours and bright bundle s of las er b eams w hip out ac ros s the c it y from the mas t at the top. I think of A c hille s , w ho s aile d ac ros s the M aas in the late ninete enth c entury in a row b oat loade d w ith fully c harge d bat terie s to bring light to the other s ide .

N ow the c it y is bathe d in a s ea of light at night. Le en and I get b ore d af ter jus t two minute s and head to b e d . I am very c old .

M y heart is rac ing; I c an’ t fall as le ep. I don’ t want to fe el the thumping and turn from my lef t onto my right s ide .

‘O ur ex is tenc e is but a brief c rac k of light b etwe en two eternitie s of dark ne s s ,’ 51

V ladimir N ab okov w rote in the opening to his autobiography Speak , Memory. E ls ew here he c ompare s b oth life and death to a gorge ous s unris e . W e return from w henc e we c ame . T he s un ris e s and the s un s ets and every minute that pas s e s brings s omething new under that s un.

O ur home has b e en draw n on, prote c te d by a lay er of c halk made of the s ame material as the s hell of an e gg .

C an y ou ever bid farewell? H ow do y ou put a full s top to an infinite line? T he work is never finis he d; life is never c omplete .

T he hous e is s o quiet.

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53

A Let te r from Le e nde r t

54

R ot terdam, 26/27 O c tob er 20 21 D ear B art and G riet, I’m addre s s ing this let ter to b oth of y ou but w ill leave it to B art to de c ide w hether or not it s hould b e s ent (c opie d) on to y ou G riet, in c as e y ou s hould perhaps b e s pare d .

did not s urpris e y ou; w hat did s urpris e y ou was that the world c ould have brought forth a b eing that felt it did not b elong there .” It ’s like it c ould have b e en w rit ten ab out me . M ay b e I’ll buy the (s hort) b ook ; it ’s only 10 0 page s . (B ep already pic ke d up a c opy at D onner.)

N ot that I enjoy the w ithdrawal: but it has b e en c aus e d by I have no s ens e of w hat lie s a deterioration (pain and ahead, but I fe el the ne e d, for the event that I do dis appear, to depre s s ion) that has pers is te d s ay s omething ab out our mutual for y ears . I have no us e for my fellow human b eings and I am c halk ing period . no us e to them . O n top of that, the now prevalent eee -maille W riting s omething: it ’s b e en traff ic has robb e d me of any s uc h a long time s inc e I did de s ire to gather together paper, that b e c aus e I have b e en pen, envelope and pos tage . “ I prac tis ing a form of w ithdrawal c annot read y our handw riting ” for s o many y ears . “ In the end is then the fre quently heard the man no longer b elonge d c omplaint. any w here, he had dis s oc iate d hims elf from every one . P erhaps W as our c halk period good y ou c ould not tell by look ing fortune, bad fortune or a at him but that is how it was .” c ombination of the two? R e s t (A quote in a b ook rev iew of as s ure d: it was , firs t of all, a S uic ide by É douard Levé in the ble s s e d ex perienc e to get to NR C 2 2/10/’ 21). A nd: “ T he fac t k now two pe ople over a longer that y ou felt unfit for the world 55

period of time w hom one c ome s to love (intelle c tually).

A s a re s ult of the w ithdrawal, I was no longer ac c us tome d to that and had more or le s s forgot ten how to do it. A nd then the c halk work its elf. I c ome ac ros s it from a diff erent angle every day – how c ould it b e otherw is e – and it prov ide s me w ith the s ame lif t in s pirits as the hopping s parrows out here on the balus trade .

and I unders tood one another and that it prov ide d s ome c omfort.

T he magic ian would s ay : T hat c halk artis t introduc e d a lot of movement.

N ot going c raz y is the mis s ion.

M any happy returns and b e s t w is he s from Le endert K ool

It was als o, to a c ertain de gre e, bad fortune . T he c halk period c oinc ide d w ith one of the mos t diff ic ult epis ode s in my life . If I operate d through a s light haz e during our initial enc ounters , like M arc el in his tent, toward the end I was trappe d in a thic k fog . G od k nows I did my b e s t to remain c alm and c ontrol my s elf.

During that meal on T hurs day, 14 O c tob er, as the hour approac he d w hen B ep and I had the appointment w ith the doc tor, to dis c us s euthanas ia, I los t c ons c ious ne s s . S till, I c heris h the thought that G riet 56

57

E pilogue

58

T he re ’s a tre e g ro w ing on the is la nd that look s old e r tha n the is la nd its e lf. A y e llo w w re ath of le av e s has form e d a round its roots ; it is no w au tum n a nd the a nnual d ie off is und e r w ay.

I s top at the c e nte na ria n a nd b rus h my ha nd ov e r the k notty ba rk . T he trunk has b ro w n patc he s on it w ith a d a rk liq uid s e e ping ou t of the m , as if the tre e is c r y ing . T he inne r ba rk und e r tho s e s pots is rotting a nd d y ing off . Nob od y c a n d o a ny thing ab ou t it . C he s tnu t tre e s a re thre ate ne d w ith e x tinc tion. T he b e s t ad v ic e w he n it c om e s to a d is e as e d c he s tnu t tre e is to le av e it alone .

A s I’m g e tting re ad y to he ad hom e , s om e thing w ond e r ful ha ppe ns . Da rk ne s s has alre ad y falle n a nd a s lig ht b re ez e is g e tting up. I he a r a s oft thud .

T he firs t c he s tnu t of the y e a r la nd s at my fe e t . I pic k it up a nd s e e tiny c rac k s in its s hiny hus k .

B a r t L od e w ijk s 59

60

N oordereiland Draw ings B art Lodew ijk s , 20 20 -20 21

T his proje c t was c ommis s ione d

by M urals Inc . / S tic hting Dragende M uur.

S pe c ial thank s to M arle en van W ijngaarden.

Tex t and draw ings : B art Lodew ijk s P hotograhs : Jan K empenaers (c over, pp. 4 -5 , 20 -21, 24 -25 , 26 , 33 -37), B art Lodew ijk s (pp. 3, 6 , 8 , 9, 11, 12, 17, 18), G riet Te c k (films tills op p. 5 3), B ep M uilekom (p. 6 0) E diting: Danielle van Z uijlen Trans lation: Nina W oods on G raphic de s ign: R oger W illems , R oma P ublic ations , A ms terdam C halk draw ing s ealer: M arc el Daelmans

S upporte d by : M ondriaan F onds , B KO R – C B K R ot terdam, P rins B ernhard C ultuurfonds , Van O mmeren-de Voogd S tic hting , S tic hting E liz e M athilde F onds , S tic hting B evordering van Volk s k rac ht

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