S P OT T E D

b y A l m o n d b u r i a n s

What do you do about poo?

When you haven’t got a loo. You could bury it under the ground

Or pile it all up in a mound. An earth closet out in the shed

Doesn’t appeal when you’re tucked up in bed. A chamber pot’s better than nowt

(But take care where you empty it out). The stuff was once piled on a midden

In a corner of the garden, well hidden, Whilst the rest of us held our noses Mum shovelled it onto the roses.

WE HAVE A DIPLOMER TO PROVE IT

Mourners dismayed to discover 15mile queue actually for Qantas check-in at Heathrow

Tens of thousands of mourners who thought they were lined up to see the Queen’s coffin at Westminster Hall have been told it’s actually just the check-in queue for Qantas at London Heathrow.

The queue, which stretches from Heathrow Terminal 3, across the west London suburbs of Chiswick, Hammersmith and Chelsea, all the way back to the Houses of Parliament and Buckingham Palace, is a normal part of the Qantas check-in procedure, officials said.

One couple, who had been waiting for over 14 hours to see the Queen lying in state, said they were devastated when they got to the front of the queue and were asked for their boarding pass. “We were hoping to pay our respects to Her Majesty, but instead we were given seating options for QF2 to Singapore,” Doris and Ronald Springer from Reading said. “What’s worse, we were told minutes later the flight had been cancelled”.

FROM THE SOCIAL MEDIA NEWSROOM

Dad pinched a bit for his beans

And there’s nothing quite like it for greens. It may give offence to your neighbour

But gives rhubarb a wonderful avour.

On the whole though, when doing ablutions

I’m grateful for modern solutions.

Thank goodness for water and drains; It’s bliss to be joined to the mains!

I’ll forfeit the joys of al fresco

And buy all my rhubarb at Tesco.

(Social media)

GROCER’S APOSTROPHE

Spotters: James Clayton, Dave Bush, John Bradley

Have you spotted anything in print or on social media that has amused you or given you food for thought? If it’s worth sharing, send it to us at spotters@oas.org.uk.