SLICE OF LIFE

By Beth Hanning

Sensitivity Chip

I recently saw a Meme that stated: “I think I died once when I was five, but my mom made me walk it off and I did.” This quote resonated with me due to the fact that my friends tell me that I am missing a sensitivity chip. Well, you know how we blame our parents for our problems and shortcomings? That is exactly who am I going to blame for my insensitivity. Here is why I am insensitive to many people today.

For grades 1-4, I attended St. Camillus. The first day of first grade my mother walked me to the library and looked for an older student who had on a similar uniform and my mom asked that student to make sure I got off the bus at the correct stop. In one of those years, I do not remember what year, I took the Q22 bus to St. Camillus when it was snowing. When I got to school, the custodian alerted me while he was shoveling that school was not going to be in session that day. I then returned to Rockaway Beach Boulevard to wait for the Q22 to return home. One would think that my mother would have felt guilty and made sure school was in session on future snowy days. Well, you would be wrong. My brother and I made it to Beach 120th and Rockaway Beach Boulevard and Brian Fabry was trudging home and informed us that it was in fact a snow day.

I then attended St. Francis Prep High School and took either the 6:20 or 6:40 Q53 bus each day. I set my alarm clock each night and got up each day on my own. My mother loved her sleep, and she did not get up with me EVER. Today’s teens (and my twentysomething daughters) are picked up in private buses and some are even driven to the bus stops only a block away!

As a teacher, I worry about the students and them holding down a job one day and being able to overcome obstacles. I get the strangest emails regarding why they are absent. This past year, one student emailed me to

Ham Salad

Ingredients:

• 2 cups leftover ham, diced small

• ¼ cup sweet onion, diced small

• 2 cups celery, diced small

• ¼ cup mayonnaise (I used miracle whip)

• 3 tablespoons sweet relish

• Kosher salt, to taste (remember ham is salty)

• Ground pepper to taste (start with a pinch)

Directions:

Dice up the ham into very small pieces (or you can use a food processor and process until almost minced). Remove to a mixing bowl.

Add onion and celery into processor (or finely mince by hand — that’s what I did) tell me that she was stung by a bee and would be absent. Now one might ask: Was she allergic? Did she have a reaction? I do not know, she did not say. My mother would have made me take a Benadryl and maybe if she was in a good mood given me some ice to soothe the sting.

So, I asked a few different teachers from other schools and here are some reasons students are absent:

1. Bee sting.

2. Ingrown toenails.

3. One teacher told me her student is not allowed to walk to school until it gets light out. SO, IN THE WINTER, SHE MISSED FIRST PERIOD EVERY DAY. Please do not tell me about crime. I took the Q22 bus alone at six years old in 1978, without a cell phone.

I could go on and on as to why students are absent. But just know this: Ed Rooney, the fictional principal of Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, would be appalled how many kids are absent way more than nine days!

Remove and add to the mixing bowl. Add the mayonnaise or miracle whip and relish. Add a pinch salt and pepper. Mix until well combined.

Have a sandwich or put over spinach and add tomatoes.

Dear Enchantress,

I live at home, I'm in my 20s. I have an apartment in the basement, so I have my own space. What I am writing to you about is how do I deal with my family when they are constantly fighting with each other to be right? I have been leaving the room, or going to my apartment, but they have noticed, and they make me feel wrong for leaving, and they start teasing me about it while we're eating dinner, and I feel like they gang up on me. I love them, and I don't want to move, but it's really frustrating.

Help! Thank you.

By Shane Kulman

Dear Francine Frustration,

Creating boundaries with family can be challenging, but it is important for your mental and emotional well-being and to keep the relationships healthy. Here are some steps you can take to create boundaries with your family. You might want to write them out for yourself, because it's work for you to do with yourself and drop the expectations for your family to change. First, identify your boundaries: Before you can set boundaries, you need to be clear on what they are. Think about what behaviors or actions from your family members are unac- ceptable to you, and what you would like them to do instead. Again, this is just for you to write out. Second, is there ONE family member that can be your ally? That person being someone who regardless of how they act, can reason and listen to you? To that person, ask if they have time to connect with you. Make a specific time to connect with them. It will feel better to have an ally that can help diffuse the situation, but you may have to suggest or come up with a way that your ally can help you. It might be enough that this person knows how you feel, and they don't have to say or do anything and also make sure you ask for confidentiality with them. Third: be open to negotiation. It is possible that your family members may not agree with your boundaries at first. Be open to negotiation and compromise, but also be firm in your own needs and values.

Remember, creating boundaries with family members can be a process, and it may take time for everyone to adjust. Be patient and consistent in your approach and prioritize your own well-being. Know that they may never change, but if you wish to feel relaxed while around them, you will eventually get to accept them, and see them as "that's the way they are." That acceptance with family is NOT easy, but what will happen if your actions stay consistent, they will see less of you, because actions are always LOUDER than words.

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