Rizha: Outside Fanzine (Issue 1)

OUTSIDE

ISSUE

SOLIPSISM / s l ps z( )m/

noun

noun: solipsism the view or theory that the self is all that can be known to exist.

Intro Endling 99 Game Good Money Drugs (just a generic edgy song) Slide In Sick Wrong Asleep

It’s been 912 days since we left earth It feels like time gets slower and slower every day Funny how I say day, like that means anything anymore I can’t remember the last time I saw the sky I can’t remember what my favorite food tastes like I can’t remember any of my friends’ voice But I do remember the last day Pandora failed us All of us, including themselves We all thought we could handle it And we did for a while but.. we didn’t The final immense wasn’t planned at all Everything’s seemed so calmed and no one even talked about it for the last decades I got lucky, I guess I’m one of the few who got two extra years But now it’s been months since the last reply and

, the communication system broke so, I’m trapped in a box in the immensity of space and yes, I’m alive but I’m also an endling I’m doing this because I’m afraid this might be humanity’s last chance to say something And I know it’s stupid and I’m basically screaming into the void but I need to try, so: Hello, we existed We were rebellious, smart, passionate, sinners We were the last humans left I really wish we could’ve survived our time so that we could live into yours but these notes will have to do

How can life just disappear?

Hear the males craving long gone girls See the earth and all the life we kill And I say to myself “Tam, you’re not here to preach.”

But I can’t hide the feeling (We all know) But we avoid it (‘Cause we’re too) Busy trynna fake a smile for the pictures How can our faces be before our minds?

I’m wasting all my life I’m fading with every new-born child And it’s spinning Spinning

Non stop

I feel like an endling And I’d like to know why am I wasting all my life If I’m fading with every new-born child And it’s spinning Spinning

Non stop

Put me wherever you like Teach me Tell me whatever you like Need a few drops in my mind Could you break me?

If you don’t mind

There’s no way to get out I’ve been looking Won’t stop Till I ball my eyes out I’ll end up locked up Hate these four walls

I’m walking in circles I’m standing by my own I’m so slow I’m so slow Let me go Let me go

“Believe me, “We’ve had a couple of cardiac arrests down here too Pete” “Hola Amigos, Felicitaciones.“ “It’s a new and strange environment At first, suddenly finding yourself in orbit.”

Roger, Liftoff, and the Clock Has Started!

“Roger, zero G and I feel fine. Capsule is turning around” Welcome home Beautiful, beautiful” You got me in your mouth when you talk and You’ve always been so sure You’re stepping on my feet as you walk and It’s always been so clear I’m so insecure I’m so insecure I’m so insecure And I keep asking And no-one answers And I can’t sleep And I’m so insecure And I keep looking And there’s just nothing And I got lost I’m never coming home

(never coming home, never coming home, never going home) And I start to believe That maybe it’s just me And it’s all a game And this isn’t real And I shouldn’t care But I feel the sting I like a bullet in my chest And I’ve gotta know Though I never will, Though I never will, Though I never will, Though I never will, Though I never will, Though I never will, Though I never will, Though I never will, Though I never will, Though I never will, Though I never will, Though I never will, Though I never will, Though I never will, Though I never will And I keep asking And no-one answers And I can’t sleep And I’m so insecure And I keep looking And there’s just nothing And I got lost I’m never coming home

““Roger, zero G and I feel fine.

Capsule is turning around” Beautiful, beautiful”

So once again We play pretend But I’m so fed up with this game You’re so brainwashed Blind and deaf Won’t even try Like, what’s the point?

It’s not like I care at all It’s kinda sad It kinda feels Like I don’t know shit

Enough to leave it all behind and just not care?

I’m scared that maybe this is who you always were Enough for you to be so lost in your own world It’s just a bore

I thought that you could do better than this Better than her You Deny it but you’re turning into her And I wanna fucking die So now Tell me, tell me, tell me Is she good Enough to leave it all behind and just not care?

I’m scared that maybe this is who you always were Enough for you to be so lost in your own world?

It’s such a bore Oh, is she good?

Oh, is she good?

Tell me, is she good?

Is she good to you?

Tell me, is she good?

Is she good?

Is she good to you?

Tell me, is she good?

Is she good to you?

Tell me, is she good?

Is she good?

Tell me is she good

Oh is she good Oh is she good Oh is she good Oh is she good Oh is she good Oh is she good Oh is she good Oh is she good Oh is she

Money money money money money Money money money money money Money money money money money

Being kind, it’s a game you don’t wanna play Far away, far away, so far away

Get it quick, burn it fast Never make it last Pocket dreams, let it show as long as you have Money Money

Gotta get the money money money money Showing off your money money money money Living for the money money money money Trying to get the money money money money

Get the girls, get the boys Easy if you have Get the girls, get the boys Easy if you have Money Money Growing up empty you feel like a kid Thinking about it, it does feel weird So lock it up inside the box where Your little songs fade Trying to mask it, it’s all so loud Shaking, you’re feeling so overwhelmed by it Gotta get the money money money money money Showing off your money money money money money Living for the money money money money money Trying to get the money money money money money You know that it’s fake

(I mean, yeah, we all know it’s fake) (It’s bullshit, but it’s easy money, right?)

You woke up, soaking wet, feeling so low And remember she left you for a boy who’s Talented and new (Talented and new) In your eyes, money green, you don’t wanna pay

Singing for the money money money money money In love with the money money money money money I inhale my money money money money money Getting all the money money money money money Gotta get the money money money money In love with the money money money money Living for the money money money money Trying to get the money money money money Singing for the money

“We choose to go to the Moon in this decade and do the other things Not because they are easy, but because they are hard 3, 2, 1, 0, all engines running I believe that this nation should commit itself To achieving the goal of landing a man on the moon And returning him safely to the Earth”

“And from the crew of Apollo 8 we close with good night, good luck and God bless all of you on this good earth.”

I’m way too drunk to be all on my own I got this bellyache, I gotta drink some more And maybe I’ll forget why I end up alone Passed by a mirror, I’m stuck in my own world Told myself I’m gorgeous but I’m not drunk enough To pretend I give a fuck I know I said I love you like a thousand times tonight But I don’t ever wanna do you like that I don’t wanna fuck it all up And we’ve got some different vibes And I’m so bad at lies Am I on drugs?

Am I on drugs?

What do you mean, “am I on drugs”?

Oh you’re such a baby, why you gotta be like that?

You hurt me, hug me just to stab my back Am I on drugs?

Am I on drugs?

What do you mean, “am I on drugs”?

Oh you know the answer, but I’ll repeat myself Tomorrow if it helps you cope with it, yeah Wanna leave home, can barely do my laundry I’m so fucking broke, but next year I’ll be jumping Into money pools, oh you’re such a fool But I do adore you

And I like your soul Black as my vodka Let me drink some more Let me taste you more God, I’m such a whore I would never, ever, ever, talk like this But you got me going through some weird ass shit Like I know my shit and I don’t know shit Like I know that I’m a piece a shit But c’mon, jump into my life I know you’d love the ride Am I on drugs?

Am I on drugs?

What do you mean, “am I on drugs”?

Oh you’re such a baby, why you gotta be like that?

You hurt me, hug me just to stab my back Am I on drugs?

Am I on drugs?

What do you mean, “am I on drugs”?

Oh you know the answer, but I’ll repeat myself Tomorrow if it helps you cope with it, yeah Am I on drugs?

Am I on drugs?

What do you mean, “am I on drugs”?

Am I on drugs?

Am I on drugs?

What do you mean, “am I on drugs”?

I love it when you slide in So good I love it when you slide in It’s so good Too good Not to say I want you But the way I crave you makes me wanna die Am I Not to say I love you But I can’t imagine any other by My side I love it when you Slide In Slide In In I love it when you, I love it when you slide You slide it in, I love it, love it I love when you, I love you when slide You slide it in, I love it, love it I love it when you, I love it when you slide You slide it in, I love it, love it I love it when you, I love it when you

She hates me more than I can understand I know I broke all my promises I see, don’t watch time fly away Hypnotic like the song she’’d play Keep forgetting I’m an asshole and I wonder why She left and I deserved it but you need to get that I’m well aware And I know the game, girl My life’s a problem I don’t wanna deal with And even though I’ve killed you in my head a thousand times You own some years I can’t take back I need to stop this little ache ‘cause I’m so tired And I did try I’m sorry I lied But if you’re stalking me baby I want you to know that I know that I fucked up Tell me why we’re back to back What do I do to get you back?

Do we only work inside my mind?

And you’re talking to people you don’t even know I’m not good at faking Can’t hide that you’re all that I want You’re long gone But inside my mind I know you miss my smile So, tell me why we’re back to back What do I do to get you back Do we only work inside my mind?

Tell me why we’re back to back Hey babe, what you mad for?

What you mad for?

Oh babe, what you mad for?

What you mad for?

For the last time For the last time For the last time For the last time For the last time For the last time For the last time

Once you roll the dice You’re so good at faking How do you act like it was nothing new?

Hits me every time Might be way to dumb to carry on Or act like there was nothing wrong And from all the lies that I’ve ever told You choose the one That’s big enough to eat my soul I was wrong I was I was wrong I thought I could do better Now I’m just so bitter I was wrong I thought I could do better Now I’m just so bitter And I was wrong And I was wrong Play it on repeat I wanna eat you Boy I, miss you And I know I can get you back ‘Cause you’re in the back of my mind You can understand how simple it is

We’re killing our lungs Don’t wanna grow old I’ll stay forever Stay forever Stay forever, forever, forever, forever In this song I thought I could do better Now I’m just so bitter And I was wrong I thought I could do better Now I’m just so bitter And I was wrong I thought I could do better Now I’m just so bitter And I was wrong I was wrong I was wrong And I was wrong And I was wrong And you were wrong but I was wrong And I was wrong And I was wrong And I was wrong And I was wrong And I was wrong

(And I was wrong) (And I was wrong) (And I was wrong)

Having fired the imagination of a generation A ship like no other, its place in history secured The space shuttle pulls into port for the last time Its voyage at an end Liftoff admission The first flight of the evident Discovery The shuttle at full power Computers now have primary control of critical functions (Wake up, Tam... wake up)

Monday’s here, you gotta look awake Drink every water bottle that the weekend took away Open up those eyes they can’t see you’ve overslept Once again Running to the mirror, brush your teeth, eat on the way Make sure you do bad, what’s health anyways?

You got time to lose, so don’t think Cause we know how it ends I won’t even ask you how it went Lay me on the bed, show me that I’m real cause I know you think they could understand They don’t give a damn So keep your thoughts in my bed I keep my thoughts in my bed I keep my thoughts in my bed Once again you run into the mirror Try to find yourself Fail, say

That you’ve always seen the thin,

thin line you cross when you deny That you don’t know what this means, yeah Coz you don’t know what it means, yeah Coz you don’t know what it means I won’t even ask you how it went Lay me on the bed, show me that I’m real cause I know you think they could understand They don’t give a damn So keep your thoughts in my bed I keep my thoughts in my bed I keep my thoughts in my bed But at least we’re alive And maybe we will be tomorrow night, next week So if you’re feeling down Just don’t forget to think Tomorrow night, next week Cause even when the world doesn’t feel real at all You got yourself and me So if you’re feeling down I got it on my skin Tomorrow night, next week

Having fired the imagination of a generation A ship like no other, its place in history secured The space shuttle pulls into port For the last time For the last time

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