2013 May Katalyst

New Reconciling Coaches Process Coaches ready to shepherd your church p3

may 2013

Convocation: workshops Why ChurchQuake will be unlike other gatherings p5

Because you gave Tyler came to a convocation that changed his world p4

Love on Trial, again NY clergy person and dean charged for son’s wedding p11

katalyst reconciling ministries network

w w w. r m n e t w o r k . o r g

MARRIAGE EQUALITY it’s about love. p10

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queering pentecost flaming tongues and Spirit poured out on ALL people, p8

EXECUTIVE EXCLUSIVE

meet matt

RMN’s new Executive Director shares story, p2

wedding bells

couples will say “I do” at convocation, p11

“Pentecost by Crayon” by Reconciling United Methodist, Duke Divinity seminarian, Florida Conference ministry candidate Pam McMillan

words. Silence before the mystery of it all leaves one speechless. And yet, it is in the grasping attempts to write, to sing, and to tell that have brought us where we are this far. I must speak.

You must speak. We must speak. We must keep weaving this garland.

The Florida Conference of The UMC

w h en word s fall short, th e spirit spea k s By matt berryman, executive director

t h er e a r e so me th ings about which w e mu st rem a i n si le n t.

- L ud wi g W ittgenstein, 2 0 th Century p hilos op her In deep moments of mystery and paradox, these words like hummingbirds hover over the branches and buds of my mental landscape. It is true that deep feelings of awe, wonder, gratitude, and even pain are difficult to express. Perhaps this is why we write poems, compose music, and tell stories. Words can’t express, we say or, words just don’t do it justice, expressing our intuitive awareness of the depth of this life. Our deepest emotions demand more.

As I think of Reconciling Ministries Network and all the good people past and present who worked to proclaim and embody the message of inclusion and hope for those oppressed by a divided church, I can feel the unmistakable churning of emotions. For it is the same good people, supported and strengthened by their own answer to the call of Biblical Obedience, who nurtured, strengthened, and supported me and you without even knowing it. As those who are committed to the ongoing work of inclusion, we stand together with them. The emotions are, of course, hard to express. In that churning I hear poems of confusion and clarity, music of disappointment and delight, and stories of fear and faith all woven together mysteriously into a garland of praise. Naturally, I struggle for

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You were there beside me when I sang the Hallelujah chorus on my childhood swing-set. You were there beside me when my mother taught me the first song I ever learned to play on the piano, What A Friend We Have in Jesus. You were there beside me when the words little boys don’t like other little boys reached my ear. You were there every time Rev. Borom, with his words, announced the exhaustive and unending love of God for ALL. You were there when the echoes of schoolmates’ mockery kept me up at night. You were there before the Board of Ordained Ministry as I heard the glorious soundings of your ongoing praise. You were there when the gap between here and there was too great for me. You were there when I first experienced the love of another man and your hearts broke with joy alongside mine. You were there when I left the church. You shouted with me. You got angry with me. You wept with me. Today, you are with me still. And I cannot begin to speak the proper words, the right words, the most beautiful words for there aren’t any. Wittgenstein was right. And yet, the Spirit intercedes with sighs too deep for words. These Spirit sighs and shouts are the strands of our common faith out of which we will continue to weave this garland of praise.

It is an honor and a privilege to serve as RMN’s new executive director, and I look forward to working with you to co-create a United Methodist Church that embodies the love of God and neighbor for all people. ...

Coaches & churchquakes

BY RACHEL HARVEY, DEACONESS, ASSOCIATE EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR

I experienced my first earthquake in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. Shaken awake, I ran into the hallway where Monica and Harold Swink (my calm hosts) were waiting for me. The rumbling stopped after about a minute and we all went back to bed. Over breakfast we explored the night’s experience. “I never dreamed my first earthquake would be in Oklahoma,” I said. “Didn’t you feel the earth shake on your first night here?” they asked. I guess I had slept through my first official earthquake and caught the second one. While short lived, the 5.6 quake (the largest in Oklahoma’s history) left a lasting impression on me and the landscape.

RMN Regional Organizers Northeastern - Helen Ryde

helen@rmnetwork.org - 312-448-5307

Southeastern - Laura Rossbert

rossbert@rmnetwork.org - 312-448-5306

South Central - Laura Young

laura@rmnetwork.org - 312-448-5309

North Central & Western

rachel@rmnetwork.org - 312-448-5302

and often gracefully engaging conflict, which is one of the For Reconciling United Methodists on the west coast qualities I admire most about him. and in other earthquake prone environments, this For the past 29 years, RMN has taken cues from Jesus’ life. We year’s convocation theme, ChurchQuake paired with a know, as he did, that as we bring the life-changing message seismogram logo, might be unsettling. While we hope of God’s all inclusive love, communities need the scripture pairing (Acts 16:16-40) a guide. In the first year of RMN’s new coachreveals some of our symbolic intenWe know, as ing model, we have trained 254 people as tions, this year’s theme also repreJES US did, that process coaches, leaders who are prepared sents the constant change taking as we bring the and supported to guide prospective Reconcilplace within prospective Reconciling life changing ing communities through a process to pubcommunities, churches engaging message of licly welcome and affirm LGBTQ people. 153 in discussions of marriage for all, God’s all of those trained, 53% more than expected, and our beloved United Methodist inclusive love, are actively coaching a community through Church. What LGBTQ rights activist communities the Reconciling process- navigating the large Urvashi Vaid said about movements need a guide. and small quakes that are always part of the (“the thing about movements is that habitat of a healthy community, just as Jesus they move”) is also true of faith and the disciples did. If you want to join in communities. Change is a manifesRMN’s life-saving ministry as a Reconciling process coach, tation of a healthy community. Graph Jesus’ life, and contact your Regional Organizer today and sign up for the it reveals a path that looks more like a seismogram process coach training pre-day at ChurchQuake! than a flat line as he spent much of his time directly

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it was t h e scholarship I receive d that showed me RMN cared ab o ut d iverse voices, that the unique t h in gs I broug ht to the table were equally valuable in th e sanctuary.

thank you for giving...

Your incredible generosity is a testament to your belief that all are welcomed and included at God’s table.

Embodying diversity Empowering leadership

in memory of: Carol Carsey by Lynn Gilbert Edna Lucille Tomlinson

by Billie & Violet Elaine Taylor

By Tyler Sit, Candler school of theology Dorothy J. Truran by Phyllis A Truran As a student living on peanut-butter sandwiches, attending a conference without a scholarship is plainly impossible for me. Despite my passion for equality, it is hard to justify the cost when the price of textbooks and rent loom larger than ever. And yet, it is this very life situation that makes the contribution of students valuable to the RMN movement: we have an on-theground perspective of communities that the church needs to incorporate.

Today’s young people are doing innovative, fresh things that define the church of today and our future—and our ability to participate ensures that RMN will continue to be a movement of the present and future, too.

freshed, and four years later I am still striving for full inclusion of all people in our church—largely because of what I learned in Colorado.

There is no doubt that my participation in convocation was directly related to my participation in RMN activism at General Conference. Because I already knew the people of RMN, I wasn’t afraid to pray with them around the legislative bar, rally with them underneath the Tabernacle tent, or dance with them across the conference center floor. Things got rough at General Conference—we all know that—but my friendships sustained me and motivated me to continue our struggle.

Matt Berryman

by Barbara Borom, Linda Carroll, Revs. April & Craig Hall Cutting, Donald L. Harris, Oregon-Idaho Reconciling United Methodists, Anne Mund, Jeanne Rozman, Ellen Shaner

Do you remember when convocation was in Colorado, and Marcia McFee had the entire congregation bow to each other, like there was a wave of respect passing through the crowd? The memory still sticks with me because it was a corporal way that RMN told me that it cared about diverse voices.

But really, it was the scholarship that I received that showed me RMN cared about my voice, that the unique things I brought to the table were as equally valuable in the sanctuary. I left that convocation feeling energized and re-

Support from people like you showed me that I have a place in the Reconciling movement and in The United Methodist Church. And so, let us continue—together.

Russell Harvey

by Andy & Marilyn Belcher

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Make your convo scholarship gift: - www.rmnetwork.org/scholarship - check payable to RMN with “Scholarship” in the memo - call us at 773-736-5526 ...

Lee Witters by Jay & Maureen Vetter

in honor of:

Brittany Burrows & Alex McNeill

by Dr. Dave Barnhart Gadomski/Littleton Marriage

by Alexandra Wolf

Amory Peck/Linda Lambert Marriage

by Sophia Agtarap, Deborah Maria, John & Ann Haller, Robynne & Dotti Berry-Sapp RMN Staff for keeping calm and carrying on with grace, humor, and perseverance during the transition period of executive directors by Deborah Maria

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Ma g azine First Edition

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First Edition

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queering pentecost Terence Weldon ~ www.queeringthechurch.com

The Pentecost Celebration of Diversity, and the Holy Spirit.

L o r d, send out your Spirit, an d renew t he face of t he eart h. ( Ps 1o4)

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Diversity, however, is more than a matter of ethnicity and language. It also includes age diversity, wealth and social status—and sexual and gender diversity. Fittingly, this parish now includes in its activities an impressive, explicit LGBT ministry.

“

South Africa taught me something about Pentecost. When I was a parishioner at the Church of the Holy Trinity in Johannesburg, at Pentecost we decorated the church with 12 large red banners, one on each of the 12 pillars of the church, in 12 different languages. It was absolutely appropriate for a feast day renowned for its gift of tongues, and absolutely appropriate also, for a parish characterized by its own racial and linguistic diversity. South Africa has 11 official languages. It also has a large population of migrants from Zimbabwe, Congo, Nigeria, and the rest of Africa, with its own plethora of languages. With its central city location and adjacent university campus, the parish reflects the full range of Johannesburg’s population diversity. Seeing this reflected in the church’s Pentecost decoration was always an inspiring, uplifting experience.

This is made clear in this extract from 1 Cor 12: As a body is one, though it has many parts, and all the parts of the body, though many, are one body, so also Christ. For in one Spirit we were all baptized into one body, whether Jews or Greeks, slaves or free persons, and we were all given to drink of one Spirit.

“Whether Jews or Greeks, slaves or free persons,“ by extension could easily be read to include “whether straight or gay, cis or transgender.” All surely, must mean “all, without exception”—or it means nothing.

­

Inspiring as it is today to note and celebrate diversity, there’s an even more important message in Pentecost —this is the day that we observe the action of the Holy Spirit, entering and inspiring every one of us—all languages and races, all social classes, all sexual orientations and gender—and all castes within the church, laity as well as religious sisters, priests and bishops. Pentecost should be viewed as the birthday of the Church, the day when responsibility was passed by the Holy Spirit to the gathered assembly of Christians, and were told by Christ to set aside their fear, to leave the safety of the locked rooms, to go out into the world and preach the good news.

I have much more to tell you, but you cannot bear it now. But when the Spirit comes, the Spirit of truth, she will guide you to all truth. The Spirit will not speak on her own, but will speak what she hears, and will declare to you the things that are coming.

(John 16)

“

The Holy Spirit’s message was passed on to all who were assembled, without distinction of clerical caste, or any other mark of distinction. The implications are clear.

Doug Blanchard

A Prayer fo r Pent eco st B y J oan C hittister

For LGBT Christians, we too must not be afraid to stake our claim to full participation and inclusion in the affairs and activities of the Christian community.

T he H o ly Sp i ri t em b o d i es t he li f e f o rc e of t h e u niv e rse , t he p o w e r o f G o d , t he a n i m at i n g e ne r g y p r e s en t i n a ll t hi n g s a n d c a ptu red b y n o n e. O n t h is g r e at f ea st o f P en t ec o st, t he c o m i n g o f t he Sp ir it of G od, I i n v i t e y o u to p ray w i t h m e :

Guided by the Holy Spirit, we are to preach the Good News—and that includes preaching the authentic Gospel of inclusion to those who have distorted Christ’s message to one of prejudice and exclusion. ...

M ay t he G i fts o f t he H o ly Sp i ri t b ri n g f i re to t he ea rt h so t hat t he p re se n c e o f G o d m ay b e se en i n a n e w li g ht, i n n e w p la c e s, i n n e w w ay s.

M ay o u r o w n he a rt s b u rst i n to f la m e so t hat n o o b sta c le , n o m atte r ho w g reat, ev e r o b st ruct s t he m e ssa g e o f t he G o d w i t hi n e a c h o f u s.

www.heqigallery.com

M ay w e c o m e to t ru st t he W o rd o f G o d i n o u r hea rt, to sp e a k i t w i t h c o u ra g e, to f o llo w i t fa i t hfully a n d to fa n i t to f la m e i n ot hers.

Amen .

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3 stories on

MarriaGE EQUALITY It’s about love - Answering love’s call - Love on Trial, again

Act one: It’s about love.

Rev. Dr. Karen Oliveto, pastor Glide Memorial UMC “Karen, will you marry me?” It was an odd question, coming from a gay man. He quickly filled in the blanks.

“San Francisco is issuing marriage licenses to gay and lesbian couples. Will you marry Sean and me?” That was nine years ago—look at how far we’ve come! As someone who has officiated and attended countless same-sex holy unions and weddings, these celebrations have helped me come to a fuller understanding of marriage.

Marriage is about authentic expression Same-sex couples challenge marriage norms usually steeped in a patriarchal paradigm. While gender roles have been challenged by several waves of feminism, marriage has been rooted in a cultural understanding where women are property passed from one male to the other. The remnants of this understanding are still embedded in the wedding ceremony: the bride is escorted down the aisle by her father, who removes her veil and then places her hand in the groom’s hand, because the daughter is his to give away (which is made perfectly clear when the officiant asks, “Who gives this woman to be married?”).

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Same-sex weddings, by their very composition, break the constraints of patriarchy. The couple does not fit into the prescribed gender roles that have been the bedrock of traditional marriage. Marriage is redefined through a couple’s self-definition. This helps all couples—regardless of ability to procreate, sexual orientation, gender identity—create authentic relationships in which each partner can be their fullest self.

Marriage is a covenant It is ironic that many straight couples use this scripture in their wedding ceremony: Where you go, I will go; where you lodge, I will lodge; your people shall be my people, and your God my God. Where you die, I will die— there will I be buried. May the Lord do thus and so to me, and more as well, if even death parts me from you!”

(Ruth 1:16-17) The irony, of course, is that this vow was spoken between two women—Ruth to Naomi—yet it used in countless straight weddings to define love and commitment.

Working on ceremonies with samesex couples, every word, gesture, and symbol is labored over. A ceremony is crafted with a couple’s unique understanding of the covenant they are making, which is witnessed and affirmed by the community and sealed under God. The result is a ceremony that reflects more fully and honestly

the covenant that the couple seeks to make together. Marriage equality is an opportunity for the church to be a channel of God’s love and blessing rather than an agent of the state. It is a chance for we who know that God is love and love is of God, to affirm it through a couple’s covenant.

Marriage is a journey, not a destination. No relational road maps have been provided to gay and lesbian couples. The love that once dared not speak its name enters into uncharted waters when lived out loud.

There are no social rules about dating, sexual steps towards deeper intimacy, or engagement. The miracle is that, up until recent changes in US society, there have been long-term gay/lesbian relationships that have flourished and thrived without any legal, social, or religious support. It is a testament to the power of love.

Following San Francisco’s “Winter of Love,” I couldn’t help but notice marriage licenses hung prominently in the homes of same-sex couples married during that brief window. I had never seen a marriage license hung in the homes of any straight couples.

Same-sex couples remind the church that marriage is not a singular act of commitment, but an ongoing process of greater intimacy and deepening love which is renewed each day. Marriage equality is an opportunity for the church to reclaim what it does best: foster and celebrate love. ...

Act two: Answering love’s call.

Act three: Love on trial, again Civil rights are a beautiful thing and should be realized for all couples, but marriage is rooted in Christ’s expression of love. We now get to be a sign to the world of what that love looks like, in our love for each other.

-Annanda Barclay & Mary Ann Kaiser

“

When Annanda and Mary Ann attend RMN’s convocation in Maryland, they will be in a state, unlike their Texas, where same-sex marriage is legal. RMN is offering space for private weddings on the conference center grounds for couples who have discerned with their pastor a calling to join together.

“We can’t get married in my UMC church community, and we felt like having the space in a state where we could be legally recognized AND have the support of a UMC church community that we couldn’t have otherwise, was a really special opportunity,” said Mary Ann. Some have felt uncomfortable with marriages happening at convocation, using descriptors like “vegas” and “gimmicky.”

“That is the absolute opposite of the sacred, safe, communal, and sacramental space we are creating,” said Rev. Andy Oliver, RMN’s director of communications. “When RMN talks about providing space at convocation for weddings, we are talking about couples like Mary Ann and Annanda, and the beautiful story of love, commitment, and of a desire to serve the world together. Will this be the centerpiece of convocation? No. Should we provide space to help others be faithful to the call they feel on their lives? Absolutely. We will seek to provide that for those called to covenanted relationships and singleness alike.”

The weddings will be taking place on the conference center grounds, but will not be happening as part of programming.

Local area Reconciling clergy are prepared to assist couples who have gone through premarital counseling and have determined with their pastor that they are ready for marriage.

Couples interested in exploring this possibility should visit www.rmnetwork.org/cq13 which will give details concerning appropriate premarital preparations with your pastor, and securing a Maryland marriage license. ...

Officiating his son’s same-sex wedding was the most significant act he performed as a pastor, and now he will have to justify that action to a jury of his peers.

Rev. Dr. Thomas Ogletree, a United Methodist clergy person, former seminary dean, and distinguished Christian ethicist, was charged by the New York Conference of The United Methodist Church (UMC) for presiding over his son’s wedding.

Ogletree, formerly the dean of Yale Divinity School and Drew Theological Seminary, performed the wedding, knowing that The UMC bans such ceremonies.

He believes the ban is morally indefensible. “As Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. reminded us, ‘One has a moral responsibility to disobey unjust laws.’ Marrying Tom and Nick was for me a profoundly personal and quintessentially pastoral act,” said Ogletree. “I have been deeply moved by their exceptional bonds, and their strong commitment to a more just and inclusive society. It is high time for The United Methodist Church to honor such bonds and to take strong and diligent steps to overcome persisting prejudices.”

“Rev. Dr. Ogletree, in his refusal to obey immoral church policy, has opted instead to follow the deeper mind and Spirit of Christ,” said Matt Berryman, Executive Director of Reconciling Ministries Network. “In the life of faith, we call this Biblical Obedience. Consistent with the early church’s radical inclusion of the Gentile outsider (Acts 10-15), Ogletree has discerned the “signs and wonders” of the Spirit in Tom and Nick’s covenantal relationship. In doing so, he invites us all to follow the mind and spirit of Christ, no matter what the cost.”

Ogletree has shown a lifelong commitment to social justice, going back to his 1959 arrest at a segregated lunch counter with African-American colleagues, including Congressman John Lewis.

Show support for Ogletree and marriage equality by signing on to the Altar For All at www.rmnetwork.org. ...

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Reconciling Ministries Network 123 W Madison St Ste 2150 Chicago, Illinois 60602

katalyst a publication of Reconciling Ministries Network

EDITOR: Rev. Andy Oliver - andy@rmnetwork.org CONTRIBUTORS Annanda Barclay Matt Berryman Joan Chittister Rachel Harvey, Deaconess Mary Ann Kaiser Rev. Dr. Karen Oliveto Tyler Sit Terence Weldon RMN STAFF: Matt Berryman, Executive Director Rachel Harvey, Associate Executive Director David Braden, Director of Development Meg Carey, Business Manager Dr. Ted Jackson, Office and Database Manager Rev. Andy Oliver, Director of Communications Helen Ryde: NEJ Regional Organizer Laura Rossbert: SEJ Regional Organizer Laura Young: SCJ Regional Organizer To SUBSCRIBE: www.rmnetwork.org/join-us DONATIONS: 123 W Madison St Ste 2150 Chicago, IL 60602 www.rmnetwork.org 773.736.5526 - admin@rmnetwork.org