Excerpt: The Unqualified Hostess

Š 2018 Rizzoli International Publications. All Rights Reserved.

AFTERNOON TEA © 2018 Rizzoli International Publications. All Rights Reserved.

Š 2018 Rizzoli International Publications. All Rights Reserved.

If you go out to a restaurant for afternoon tea, the server will often say:

You start at the bottom tier, and work your way up to the sweets.

I always loved that, it sounded to me like a metaphor for a rewarding life. I’m the first one to tell you: there is no romanticising the bottom tier. But imagination and creativity can elevate any and every experience. As the child of a single mother, I can confirm: single mothers are magicians, able to conjure something out of nothing, able to turn the most humble lunch into something special.

Now, you may not be able to do what I do the way I do it, but you can do what you can do; when you put yourself into it, it becomes unique. It doesn’t have to be fancy! But it does have to include the things you enjoy, the things that make you happy. Surround yourself with all the stuff you love but never bring out, because you don’t have the time. Make the time!

Tea for one is a chance to reward yourself, treat yourself to an hour or so of reflection, relaxation, peace. You can be really formal, you can be semi-formal, or you can be not formal at all—but you make the choice because you have the power to do all of this in your house.

27

© 2018 Rizzoli International Publications. All Rights Reserved.

Good scones are very important.

But smaller is better!

If it’s too gigantic, no one will ever finish it. Give each scone a healthy schmear of your favorite topping . . .

. . . and then, like a little piglet, stuff it into your mouth!

Š 2018 Rizzoli International Publications. All Rights Reserved.

Š 2018 Rizzoli International Publications. All Rights Reserved.

I like to create conversations between objects, and between people.

My strategy is: First, you put the straight shit in.

Then you Whoopi-fy it, by adding unexpected things into the mix,

1

things that are near and dear to you

1 I’m a bougie kind of girl, so flowers are very important to me.

2 Vintage tumblers are an inexpensive way to add novelty to your table,

3

but be careful how you clean them (see p. 63).

3 I love trolls almost as much as I love Minions, and they instantly make your table less stuffy.

2

4 I find chubby little children adorable; but since you don’t find chubby little black children, I have chubby little white children.

4

5 Late ’20s, early ’30s tin wind-up “Coo Coo” car from Louis Marx & Co. A great era for toys!

6 Another favorite 1930s tin toy, by Chein & Co, made in New Jersey!

7 As you can see, when it comes to color, I’m no minimalist. But I do use a lot of my favorite colors: blue-ish greens, antique oranges, hot pinks,

7

purple-ish blues.

© 2018 Rizzoli International Publications. All Rights Reserved.

6

5

Š 2018 Rizzoli International Publications. All Rights Reserved.

Š 2018 Rizzoli International Publications. All Rights Reserved.

You may think, “This year, I don’t feel like doing anything for Halloween.” Here’s what I suggest:

Get some candy and decorations just in case!

Because if you say to yourself, “You know what? I wish I had some Halloween stuff to put in the window” . . . it’s better to have it and not want it then to want it and not have it.

These are all fun things that anybody can do. They don’t do ‘em because they think, “Oh, it’s not worth it,” but it so is. For yourself!

Humoring oneself is, to me, the most important thing in the world. Why do you care what other people think? We give up all of this power to people who don’t know us, and we tell them that they’re in charge.

Hell no! Not me.

There is no reason at all why you can’t take the things that exist in your house—things that you bought, things that people have given you, things that you live with every day—and put them on a table. There’s nothing you can’t put on your table, there’s no wrong answer here. This is your house. What do you want on your table?

27

© 2018 Rizzoli International Publications. All Rights Reserved.

Flowers in a vase are fine. But flowers in a vase wrapped in skeleton ribbon and topped with a nesting blackbird are special!

Balloons are very important! You can customize them for any occasion, and they really fill out the room. Now, I’m a lazy woman—I’m not gonna lie. So I go to the balloon boutique for mine, because I’m not gonna blow ‘em up. If you feel like you have the lungs of doom, give it a shot—but you’re gonna have to blow up a lot of them, because you want your party to look like a party!

I love artificial cobwebs, and always have plenty of packages on hand. But getting the right wispy look takes time—up to an hour!

You can cover it with bugs, too— fake, of course, I am no fan of the real thing.

© 2018 Rizzoli International Publications. All Rights Reserved.

I love toys, and they always find a place on every one of my Halloween tables—it’s a great way to bring grandparents and grandkids together.

© 2018 Rizzoli International Publications. All Rights Reserved.

There’s nothing real on this chandelier.

If you have lighting fixtures in your house, and you can find a rim around it to attach things, you can have a lot of fun during the seasons.

It doesn’t have to be a big chandelier but it’s amazing what you can do with fake flowers and fake leaves—every season you can change your light fixtures, just wrap some stuff around it!

© 2018 Rizzoli International Publications. All Rights Reserved.

It sounds crazy, but there’s something fun about coming out of your bedroom and looking over to see your light fixtures having a lil’ fun.

© 2018 Rizzoli International Publications. All Rights Reserved.

Š 2018 Rizzoli International Publications. All Rights Reserved.

I love the entire holiday season, I celebrate it all; but the truth of the matter is:

It all starts with Thanksgiving!

As a kid, you start a new school year, and then you’re off and running from September straight to November. When you reach Thanksgiving, you know you’ve got it made: one long stretch of celebrations through to the New Year.

That whole span of time is something I recall even today—the house smelling like turkey meant that the good times were starting. Everybody’s feeling good, even during years when there was heavy stuff going on. When I was a kid, the Vietnam War was happening; but somehow the adults seemed to band together to make the holidays meaningful for us kids.

So for me, that’s why I’m kind of obsessed with making fun tables and celebrating, because if we can’t make ourselves feel good and feel grateful, we run the risk becoming some new kind of person. One who allows social media to dictate who we are.

I happen to have a house with many rooms and a lot of space, and as you see from each of these chapters: I have a lot of stuff! But whatever is available in your house can and will make a beautiful table. It’s all about imagination and creativity.

27

© 2018 Rizzoli International Publications. All Rights Reserved.

Š 2018 Rizzoli International Publications. All Rights Reserved.

Whoopi’s Yam & Marshmallow Soufflé Yams (canned)

Maple syrup

Lemon juice

Molasses

Almond extract

Marshmallows

Vanilla d yams best, but • I take a whole bunch of yams — I like canne ng in — and I I drain the sugar syrup that they’ve been sitti d potatoes. put in a big bowl, where I mash ‘em like mashe

of almond extract, • I drop in some lemon juice, and 2-3 drops . and 2-3 drops of vanilla, which I mix in there

(cont’d) • Then I put a tablespoon of maple syrup and a teaspoon of molasses in the bowl, mixing that up, too.

• Now I grab a casserole dish, and I layer it like you would with a lasagna. The first layer is yams, and then I put a layer of marshmallows on top. Another layer of yams, more marshmallows. Then one more of each.

• I wrap that bad boy in aluminum foil and now that your oven is at 300 degrees, the soufflé can go in for 30 minutes or until the marshmallow layers have really melte d nicely.

© 2018 Rizzoli International Publications. All Rights Reserved.

You can find all kinds of stuff like this in stainless steel—doesn’t have to be silver!

A lot of the cutlery I use are pieces I bought on trips overseas, and there’s some Tiffany in the mix, too.

But there are many less expensive options, including aluminum and electroplate (though like silver, you will have to polish it now and then).

© 2018 Rizzoli International Publications. All Rights Reserved.

When it comes to cranberry sauce, I like the canned stuff.

Some people like a fancy cranberry relish, but that stuff has too many ingredients in it for me! But canned? Who knows what’s in it.

I just know it makes me happy!

Maybe because I grew up with it.

And it keeps things simple.

Š 2018 Rizzoli International Publications. All Rights Reserved.

It’s a pie What

table!

ou need else do y

!

to know?

© 2018 Rizzoli International Publications. All Rights Reserved.

Š 2018 Rizzoli International Publications. All Rights Reserved.