Ring Road A Comedy Drama set on the North Coast 500
By Euan Martin and Dave Smith Right Lines Productions
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Ring Road A Comedy Drama set on the North Coast 500
Synopsis Jim has fallen in love – again. His old pal Barry fears he is rushing into things and suggests a “pressue cooker” test of his latest relationship. To prove he is ready to marry new girlfriend Gemma, Barry sets Jim a challenge: he must complete the North Coast 500 with Gemma in a campervan, sending daily Instagram posts to prove they are on course and happy. The true nature of the trip must not be revealed to Gemma. Everything could have been fine, apart from ending up with incompetent courier Kyle’s smuggled jewellery on board the campervan. Kyle enlists help from his friend Ben and they pursue the couple through the magnificent Highland scenery, as Kyle desperately needs to get the jewellery back. However, Kyle and Ben are pursued in turn by Mac and Cheese, the jewellery traffickers, who are keen to be paid. Finally, they are all pursued by Big Manny’s men, who want the jewels, revenge, and maybe an ear. The chase takes them from the heights of the Whaligoe Steps to the depths of the Corrieshalloch Gorge and from dire straits in Ullapool to the bendy, single track roads of Cape Wrath. All the while, Jim has to send Instagram posts to convince the boys back home that all is well with him and Gemma. After hair-raising adventures set against iconic landmarks of this internationally famous Scottish route, the climax is reached as the jewellery-laden campervan hurtles around some of the worst hairpin bends in the world on the Bealach na Ba road near Applecross, hoping to get to that elusive happy ending before the wheels come off.
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Ring Road - A Comedy Drama set on the North Coast 500 - Episode Outlines 1-4
Episode 1 The episode opens with an aerial panoramic view of the hills of West Coast Scotland in beautiful sunshine and blue skies. The camera focuses down on an extremely bendy road – the Bealach na Ba (Pass of the Cattle). A campervan, pursued by a high-end SUV, hurtles down the road at top speed. Inside the campervan, the female driver and male passenger are screaming at top volume. The SUV edges closer to the tail of the campervan, attempting to force it off the road. Ahead, a police vehicle blocks the road. The campervan screeches to a halt. The SUV stops and does a u-turn and speeds off back the way it has come. The male and female occupants of the campervan stare ahead in fear.
BEALACH NA BA
Two Weeks Earlier... In a pub in Perth, two men, Jim and Barry, are crammed in a toilet cubicle. Around the cubicle there is a group of onlookers. Barry is threatening to flush a ring down the pan. They argue about Jim’s plan to propose to his new girlfriend, Gemma. Barry and some helpful members of the group suggests an intensive time together to test the relationship: a campervan trip round the North Coast 500. In return Jim will get his ring back and a bonus of £500 from the syndicate. Jim agrees to this and to send daily Instagram pics to prove he and Gemma are fulfilling the challenge and enjoying the trip. At Smoo Caves, a remote inlet on the North Coast, a mysterious figure (Kyle) takes charge of a package containing stolen diamonds from two rough looking fishermen (Mac and Cheese). Kyle is the courier and leaves immediately with the diamonds, heading for Perth. Jim and a reluctant Gemma set off on their trip in a hired electric powered campervan. In Inverness, they stop to buy NC500 paraphernalia - bumper stickers, t shirts, and hats.
SMOO CAVE
They continue to their first stop – Dornoch. Gemma discovers that Dornoch Cathedral is the site of Madonna’s wedding and insists they visit the shrine/juke box that plays “Like a Virgin”. After the visit Gemma is keen to have meal out at the local five-star hotel but Jim insists on eating in. However, his cooking is a disaster and the couple have a very unromantic and frosty first night in the campervan. Unbeknownst to Jim, the night before, safety conscious Gemma had unplugged the electric hook up DORNOCH CATHEDRAL and, in the morning, as they continue their journey, Jim realises they are low on charge and must turn South to get to a nearby charging garage. 3
At the garage, Kyle (seen earlier picking up the diamonds), is waiting by his broken-down car. Kyle must be in Perth that night to deliver his package, but the mechanic can’t fix his car till the following day. Kyle is in a panic as Big Manny, the boss of the gang Kyle is working for, will not be pleased. Kyle sees the campervan enter the garage forecourt. He notes the hire company’s Perth address on the van and wrongly assumes it is a couple heading back to Perth having completed the North Coast route. Kyle engages Jim in conversation and finds a moment to stash the contraband package in the van. Kyle phones Big Manny’s henchman, One Eyed Pete, and reports that the jewels will be in Perth later that day. All Pete has to do is locate the campervan hire company and retrieve the package. However, when the campervan leaves the garage, it turns North! Kyle must now chase the campervan and recover the package. But Kyle has no transport, so he enlists his mate Ben to help. He convinces him that he is preparing a blog about the North Coast 500 and needs a car and a photographer. Much to Kyle’s shock when Ben turns up it is in his three-wheeler car.
CARN LIATH BROCH
DUNROBIN CASTLE
In the course of their pursuit, they have a near miss with Jim and Gemma - firstly at Dunrobin Castle and then at Carn Liath Broch, but eventually catch up with them at the famous Whaligoe Steps. The happy couple are about to have their first wild camping experience when Kyle and Ben turn up. After an awkward start the two men spend the evening drinking with Jim and Gemma, but all the while, Kyle is waiting for the right moment to get the package back. A tipsy Gemma offers to let the boys stay the night although Jim, still hopeful of his chances with Gemma, says that the guys should spend it outside under the awning. When night falls and WHALIGOE STEPS everyone is asleep, Kyle sees his chance to break in and retrieve the diamonds. He sneaks up to the campervan window and gets out his flickknife…
Episode 2 Kyle bungles his attempt to break into the campervan, but Jim and Gemma hail him as the hero as they think he has chased off an intruder. So, the next morning, Gemma invites Ben and Kyle to join them on the next stage of their trip, a visit to John O’Groats. After an encounter with some irate Land’s End to John o’ Groats cyclists on the way, they manage to escape the furious cyclists at John O’ Groats and the four arrange to continue on the NC500 route and to meet up at picturesque Bettyhill. Kyle, much to his horror, runs into Mac and Cheese 4
JOHN O’ GROATS
in the local pub. Meanwhile, on their own in the campervan, Gemma and Jim discover the hidden diamonds and debate the moral course of action, revealing some of Gemma’s interesting past! Mac and Cheese, having extracted the location of the jewels from Kyle, head for the camper, intent on reclaiming the diamonds. Mac and Cheese attack the happy couple but are warded off by the plucky Gemma, with a combination of midge and pepper spray. Jim, Gemma, Ben and Kyle escape to the moors, with the villains in hot pursuit. A close encounter and a case of mistaken identity with an iconic local statue (The Unknown), allows the foursome to evade Mac and Cheese and get back to their vehicles. All is well until Ben and Kyle crash outside a village hall where a Ceilidh is in full swing. The three-wheeler is a write-off. The locals pour out of the hall to help and then everyone, including the villains, are drawn back inside to join the dance. The hunky Mac and Cheese are then further delayed by two very keen and amorous dance partners, allowing the others to get away. The foursome, Jim, Gemma, Kyle and Ben, are now crammed THE UNKNOWN together in the camper, but a few miles down the road it runs out of charge. Desperately hoping to avoid detection, they push the camper out of sight at a croft. They then sneak up to the croft house and furtively plug in to steal electricity to recharge the camper. But this theft does not go unnoticed, and the angry crofter, armed with a shotgun, tracks their extension cable, leading him to the hidden campervan.
Episode 3 By the next morning, the crofter is pacified, and Highland Hospitality prevails – for a small charge. Meanwhile during the night, the villains have passed them by, and Mac and Cheese are now having breakfast in Ullapool. As they relax, they spot the distinctive campervan go past. They jump into their pickup and follow the campervan aboard the Stornoway ferry. On the car deck, Mac and Cheese approach the camper menacingly. But when they burst in, they find an elderly couple. It is the wrong camper! To continue their pursuit, Mac ULLAPOOL and Cheese must jump ship and swim ashore, abandoning their pickup to its ferry trip. Now they are bereft of their vehicle, so they steal the only means of transport in the carpark - a lay flat tandem. They catch up with the others at Corrieshalloch Gorge. Capturing Kyle, they dangle the hapless courier over the bridge and only hand him over to Gemma in exchange for what they think are the diamonds. Once again, the foursome make their getaway. Mac and Cheese discover that Gemma has duped them by swapping the diamonds for a bag of old bolts. But the villains have no chance of catching them on their tandem. However, moments later, a brand new 4x4 vehicle pulls into the car park. Mac and Cheese eject the occupants, commandeer the vehicle, and set off at high speed. CORRIESHALLOCH
The fleeing foursome, now with Gemma in charge and driving, get to Applecross. The local hotel owner and forecourt attendant comes out to help with the charging of the 5
van. However, he is suddenly struck down by a heart attack, and Jim’s quick thinking in firstly warding off Ben’s idiotic attempts to defibrillate with the charging unit, and then giving the hotelier CPR, manages to save his life. His heroism results not only in Gemma’s praise but also the owner’s gratitude and the happy couple are offered the Honeymoon Suite free of charge. However, by now, Gemma has fallen in love with their cosy camper and suggests that Kyle and Ben take the suite, leaving Jim and her alone for the night. Jim realises his “pressure cooker holiday” plan is beginning to work. He parks the camper at the back of the hotel with a magnificent and romantic view of the sea and mountains. APPLECROSS
Unbeknownst to Mac and Cheese, the car they are driving is destined to feature in an advert photoshoot the next day. Shortly after arriving at the hotel in the stolen 4x4, the villains are mistaken by a film crew for the two stunt drivers they have been expecting. Mac and Cheese are forced to keep up this pretence as they drink into the night with the film crew. Unaware of the proximity of their pursuers in the snug bar below, Ben and Kyle sleep soundly in the Honeymoon Suite. Meanwhile, at the back of the hotel, the campervan gently rocks…
Episode 4 Next morning, Mac and Cheese, maintaining their pretence, are fully involved in the shoot. They are surrounded by film crew and are inside the 4x4 perched dramatically on a rocky outcrop. They are poised, waiting for the director to shout “action”. From their vantage point, they see the campervan heading off. To the chagrin of the director and the shock of the crew, they abandon the shoot and career across the heather in the brand-new vehicle. This leads to a high speed, crazy chase down the well-known hairpin road, the Bealach na Ba. At the height of the chase and after a phone call from his friend Barry, and faced with imminent death, Jim decides to propose. Before Gemma replies, the chase comes to an end when a police car blocks the road ahead. Deterred by the sight of the police, Mac and Cheese quickly reverse back up the Bealach. The police search the camper and relieve the foursome of the diamonds and drive off. After they have gone, the group realise the “police” must have been imposters, or surely they would have been arrested. They must have been Big Manny’s men. No longer pursued by anyone, Gemma responds to Jim proposal with a heartfelt “Yes”. Instead of his own ring, Jim uses one of the very expensive diamond rings that he has extracted secretly from the contraband. Kyle congratulates them and Ben takes a photo. It’s time to head home. At the Kessock Bridge, Jim and Gemma say a final farewell to Kyle and Ben. Three KESSOCK BRIDGE hours later, back at the pub in Perth, there are great celebrations as the happy couple return. Ignoring everyone, they make for the toilets, raising some eyebrows. The guys in the pub enter the gents just in time to see the cubicle door close and we see a close-up of the lock on the door as it turns and reads “Engaged.” 6
Characters Jim – a young man in his late twenties. Sensible and reliable but prone to giving his heart away too easily. Jim works as a BT engineer. He is from Perth and he lives a life of matey bachelorhood with regular unsuccessful attempts to find the woman of his dreams. Barry – of a similar age to his lifelong pal Jim. Barry works in a call centre. A bit more feckless than Jim but always has his pal’s best interests at heart. They often go drinking together and to the football. There are often discussions about Jim’s latest love and currently this is Gemma. Barry is keen to protect Jim from rashness and the rushing in of fools. Gemma – an attractive woman in her early twenties, Gemma has an enthusiastic nature and, as we see later in the story, a strong will and determination. She likes the finer things in life and doesn’t respond well to “roughing it” but is resourceful and adaptable when the occasion demands it. Gemma is unaware of just how much Jim is in love with her and of the impending proposal. However, she is happy to be involved with such a good, decent bloke. Kyle – mixed up in the seedier side of Scottish life, he has never made it big but is always doomed to be the errand boy for more powerful criminals. At the age of twenty-three, Kyle has found a niche in serving the nefarious needs of the Scottish underworld. Always ducking and diving he has managed to stay out of trouble, so far… Ben – in his twenties and a friend of Kyle’s for longer than they can remember, Ben is an enthusiastic, gullible and willing helper. Living in Inverness with his mum, he is more than keen to get involved with anything that will get him out of the house. Big Manny – a shadowy figure of untold dark depths who deals with anyone who crosses him with an iron fist in an iron glove. One-Eyed Pete – so named after crossing Big Manny, Pete now knows which side his bread is buttered on and he serves loyally as his boss’s fixer.
Euan Martin & Dave Smith Right Lines Productions 2021.
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www.rightlines.net Contact dave@artsmiths.co.uk 07703 484847
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