Right Lines Productions

The Accidental Death of an Accordionist 2001 There’s a grand ceilidh tonight in Glengirnie Hall – and everyone is welcome!

John Angus Mackay, Master of Ceremonies, is warming up with a few drams, Aly the accordionist has promised not to be late and Jean has even sold a ticket to the Laird. But just below the surface of this Highland idyll lurks deceit, jealousy and bloody revenge!

The Accidental Death of an Accordionist is an interactive comedy set in a village hall with live music and song. It is best played in the round, using the whole hall as the set for the show, with floor space for ceilidh dancing.

Cast size – 8.

Running Time – 90 minutes – 2 acts, plus interval.

“Complete with dancing, murder, and music, this show is hugely funny, highly entertaining and … should be one of the essential tickets at the 2008 Fringe.

Don’t miss it!” ***** Fresh Air. “International Fringe tourists behold: here lies the quintessential Scottish experience you’ve been questing for. You’ll laugh, you’ll cringe, and you’ll laugh again... the charmingly rustic, lo-fi naughtiness of the show will tickle you until it hurts.” **** Festmag “...red-blooded, rollicking farce... simply explodes with raw theatrical energy” Joyce McMillan, The Scotsman “Total immersion theatre of an exceptionally high standard…” Thom Dibdin, The Stage.

The Wedding

2002 Two families – a butchers and a bakers – rivals in business, but united in marriage. Not so much a modern-day Romeo and Juliet, more a comedy of errors… Join us for an evening of nuptial reality, where bakers eat humble pie and butchers put the knife in.

The Wedding is an interactive comedy with live music and song set in a function suite at a Highland hotel.

Cast size – 9 Running Time – 90 minutes – 2 acts, plus interval.

Who Bares Wins

2004 The Rambler’s stop-start journey brings him ever closer to John O’Groats, traditionally regarded as the most northernly point on the British mainland. But just a wee bit further North, a whole community is waiting to see if he will go the extra mile and bring Dunnet the fame that it rightly deserves.

Who Bares Wins is a tale of Northern Exposure that explores prejudice, suspicion and society’s attitute to mental health and nudity through the medium of quickchange comedy and full-on farce!

“Who Bares Wins was met with one of the most enthusiastic responses I have ever had from my very mixed audience. Not only was the show hilarious, the acting, set, direction…in fact everything about the show really was superb.” Wendy Sanders, Invergordon Arts Centre.

“The play was cleverly written with some very witty one-liners, rapid changes and poignant social comment combining to produce an outstanding, hilarious comedy”. Annie Sturgeon. Tullynessle Hall.

“Fantastically brilliant! The people here loved it. The show was sold out three weeks in advance and we could have taken another two nights if they had been available.” Aisling Bryce. Lyth Arts Centre.

“It’s amazing - and with just four actors on stage.” Audience member, Findhorn. (NB: there are only two cast members!)

Cast size – 2 Running Time – 90 minutes – 2 acts, plus interval.

Watching Bluebottles

2005

"Heaters, lights, keys... is that me done now?" The old hallkeeper recites his daily mantra as he prepares for one last bash - his own retirement party.

After years of service behind the scenes, the hallkeeper turns the tables and takes us beyond the mundane chair-stacking and sweeping up to reveal a world of passion, pathos and life-changing experiences!

Watching Bluebottles is a one-man show based on the life of a village hallkeeper. The play evokes the rich diversity of the village hall, situated at the heart of the community and it centres on the personal story of a particular hall custodian on the eve of his retirement. The piece will be relevant to audiences who regularly attend various functions in their own local halls and although not an audience-interactive piece, the hall itself will be an integral part of the performance, conjuring up the illusion of a local story told locally.

“Absolutely brilliant performance by Ron Emslie and very well written. Had me laughing one minute and crying the next.”

“Great show! Beautifully played!! We hope you can continue to produce such fantastic work.”

“Very powerful performance. Possibly more important was a hall full of people. Fabulous evening and a great community project.”

Cast size – 1 Running Time – 75 minutes, straight through no interval.

Illicit 2006 A cautionary tale of one woman’s descent into business.

Illicit is a one woman comedy that explores the challenges and pitfalls of business start up. Our heroine manufactures an exotic perfume from a stash of illicit whisky and much to her surprise, it becomes an awardwinning product.

However, getting to this elevated position has not been easy...

Cast size – 1 Running Time – 50 minutes straight through, no interval.

Whisky Kisses

2010 Two international whisky collectors converge on a remote Highland distillery to compete for the last bottle of a fabled malt whisky – The Glenigma. At the auction, the stakes are high, but is this simply a battle for the bottle, or will the unique Scottish experience change everyone’s lives forever?

This full-scale musical is suitable for mid-scale theatre touring and could also be adapted to smaller venues. The show was the flagship musical production at Pitlochry Festival Theatre’s summer season in 2014. “… full of humour and theatrical energy… an upbeat but sophisticated midscale musical that captures both the global and local dimensions of 21st century Highland life. It pleased the crowd in Ballater on Monday; but if it were to play off Broadway, I guess Whisky Kisses would probably win exactly the same response, of recognition, laughter, and delight.” Joyce McMillan, The Scotsman.

As seen on BBC’s “MacMusical.”

“Brilliantly funny” The Times.

Cast size – 9 actor/musicians, plus on stage MD Running Time – 120 minutes – 2 acts, plus interval.

The Great Tartan Haggis of Tooriebrochan 2009 The story centres on a young man, Jimmy McLaughlan, who arrives in the Highlands from the US to discover his roots. He immediately falls in love with a local lass, Katie Mary, but finds he has to complete a number of tasks before he can win her hand. Inspired by the folk tales of his mischievous Uncle Hec and Auntie Morag, Jimmy sets off on a hilarious quest to track down the fabled Tartan Haggis, thwarted at every move by the local baddies, Ferret-Face MacPorridge and his feckless sons Midge and Clegg. Through very good fortune, Jimmy is offered some “magical” assistance to help him achieve his goal and against all odds, in the face of tremendous adversity…everything turns out right in the end!

“The Great Tartan Haggis of Tooriebrochan!” is an original children’s musical comedy is a fun-filled musical comedy featuring evil villains, fabled creatures and a romantic hero in pursuit of true love. Oh, and a Tartan Haggis!

Cast size – 5 principals, plus community cast Running Time – 120 minutes – 2 acts, plus interval.

Blood from a Stone

2011 Garry (40), taxi driver, finds himself a star of a new television series tracing the family trees of ordinary people. The problem is, once the genealogy is out the bottle, there’s no putting it back. Modern DNA matching techniques mean that Garry has been able to trace his family origins back to a particular pile of stones on a particular Highland hillside.

Garry asks the question: where are we all from? And to answer it, he takes us on a journey from the origins of the universe, to the bogs of Ach na Fluich. This is a journey not short of detours or diversions, guided by a man preoccupied by the search for his true identity.

Cast size - 1 Running Time – 45 minutes, straight through no interval.

From These Parts

life beyond the stars.

2012 Following a one-off UFO experience, Jack has been pursuing his passion for all things extra-terrestrial for years. He has joined an online community of fellow enthusiasts and they have given him the task of building an Intergalactic Communicator to establish Contact. Only his day job as a garage mechanic in a remote Highland village and the influence of his level-headed daughter Mhairi have prevented him from spending all his time reaching out to commune with

Mhairi has kept the business going, just, but now the planets are perfectly aligned and the day of the Big Test is approaching...

From These Parts is a Scottish alien abduction comedy that explores the changing population in the Highlands - and what it means to be local in a cosmic context. We ask the questions - why do people come, why do people stay and why do they go? And we examine the issue of migration to and from the Highlands on local, national and intergalactic levels!

“Richly entertaining, very cleverly scripted and superlative acting, such a fascinating set, I came with a willing suspension of disbelief but ended up REALLY wanting to believe - adored the GADGET! - 5star” “Very well written, brilliant acting, amazing scenery and the Intergalactic Communicator finished it off perfectly - 5star” “Laugh-a-minute fun from start to finish, many deep issues addressed very concisely without being 'heavy'. thank you! (smiley face) - 5star” Cast-size – 4 Running time – 80 minutes, straight through, no interval.

Be Silent or Be Killed

2013

40 hours under siege in Mumbai. Hidden and alone. What would you do?

Scottish businessman Roger Hunt was sent to India in November 2008 to set up a new work project.

Shortly after his arrival, he was caught up in a bloody terrorist attack which claimed the lives of many innocent people who just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Be Silent or Be Killed is about choice, coincidence, consequence. It’s about decision-making and intuition, hope and determination. It’s about holding true to the maxim: never give up – never say die.

For 40 hours, Roger concealed himself in his Mumbai hotel room, fighting for his life. He survived, just. This is his story.

“A very moving experience. A powerful story which drew us in completely.

Both frightening and thought-provoking. Nothing can beat live theatre with such professional actors and writers. Fantastic!”

“An excellent piece of riveting and emotionally-charged theatre. Wellconceived, written and executed.”

“Fantastic production. Gripping, nostalgic, everything that is needed to convey a show like this. Amazing acting, amazing visual effects (that linked the story marvellously). Overall, so, so good. Amazingly flowing show.”

Cast size – 3 Running time 60 minutes. Straight through, no interval.

Rapid Departure

2015 The surrounding area has been hit by a freak flood and the locals (the audience) are guided to the safety of the Village Hall, the designated Emergency Rest Centre.

Environmental calamities are on the increase but are we prepared and how would we cope? Plunged into the fraught world of the rural Rest Centre, the evacuees and officials grapple with the ever-deepening crisis both outside the Hall – and in!

Right Lines can always be relied upon to make a drama out of a crisis. In this evening of immersive comedy, our five characters are desperately trying to keep their heads above water as the Emergency Plan is swept away before their very eyes!

“Original, witty, funny, mischievous, serious, poignant, topical, constructive, optimistic and joyous! A delightful entertainment with a message that is offered and thought-provoking. More please!”

“First experience of Right Lines Productions . Far, far exceeded expectations.

Great character development and hilarious. Right Lines Productions up there with Fawlty Towers. Fan-bloody-tastic!”

“One of the best theatre experiences ever. All the ingredients were there – romance, music, comedy, political comment, historical context, social angles.

Absolutely brilliant. Thank you so much you talented people.”

Cast size – 5 Running Time – 75 minutes, straight through no interval.

Charity Begins

2017

Norma lives alone, but she’s never lonely.

Her involuntary charity work keeps her busy – what with all the cold callers, the door to door collectors, the street canvassers and the mountains of daily junk mail, she has hardly any time to spend a penny…

Charity Begins explores the issue of “Charity Fatigue” and the often overwhelming demands placed on our communities by well-meaning, honourable and legitimate charitable organisations. Specifically, Charity Begins focuses on how this affects older people and how there is the potential to exploit the generosity, good manners and even the sense of guilt displayed by older members of our society.

“Powerful performance with a poignant message delivered with pathos and wit.

A reflection of our time now.”

“Absolutely brilliant! A star performance of an amazing and amusing script with a very serious message. Thank you so much for the privilege.” Sandra Maclennan.

“Humour, pathos, written by masterly wordsmiths and performed by an accomplished, versatile actress who made us believe in the wonderful character she portrayed. Inspiring, especially for aspiring playwrights.” Brian Mcdonald, Forwords Writers Group.

Cast size – 1.

Running Time – 45 minutes, straight through no interval.

The Isle of Love

2018

Come on a bittersweet musical journey exploring the beauty and healing qualities of island life. With laughter, tears and great live music, you’ll fall in love with The Isle of Love! The Isle of Love is a tale of love and loss, recovery and discovery set on a Scottish island and explores the reasons people choose to visit, to remain, to depart and to return. This play with music is infused by the lyrical genius of Adam Ross from indie-pop band Randolph’s Leap.

“Absolutely loved the musical performances and comedy of this show. Extremely touching and honest. Lots to love! “ “Genuinely uplifted – as delicate as it is maniac, as thoughtful as it is light and funny.

Complex stuff but simply well put together. Want to see it again!”

“Great show, great music, great lyrics, great acting. Light as the breeze. Deep as the ocean.”

Cast size – 6 actor/musicians Running Time – 90 minutes, 2 acts plus interval.

Projects Awaiting Production Man Shed How does a man find his purpose when he grows old and major life events come thick and fast? Should he retire to the solitude of The Shed as usual and escape from the world, or get out and try something new? When the familiar rules no longer apply, is it too late to change the habits of a lifetime?

“Man Shed” is a one-man theatre piece which explores the joy of sheds, the pain of loss and the comfort of friendship.

Cast size – 1.

Running time – 50 minutes. No interval.

The Open Road What happens when a couple take to the open road in an ancient, cramped camper van, following the legendary North Coast 500 in their quest to experience the ultimate road-trip? Do they have the adventure of a lifetime, or end up driving each other round the bend?

This brand-new comedy theatre production from Right Lines embarks on a whistle-stop tour around the wide-open spaces of Scotland’s Route 66. The one hour show will merge live action with projections and interactive animation to take the audience on a theatrical journey which will leave them feeling like they have “been there and done it” but still keen to “go there and do it!”

Inverness is a popular tourist destination, and as a starting/finishing point for North Coast 500, it attracts even more travellers each year. We propose to take advantage of this popularity by creating a show that will appeal to these “tarmac tourists” as well as a general audience.

Cast size – 2 Running time 60 minutes, straight through, no interval.

Funeral Party

Set at a social event in a Highland Hotel, Funeral Party is the story of a close-knit group of friends who are gathering to enjoy another “away-weekend.” They celebrate their friendship and the fact that they can still dance, sing and party.

All very innocent… or is it?

An EXIT-style group has developed under the guise of a friends’ holiday club.

The harmony of this assisted suicide support group is upset by the arrival of a young, depressed pianist who threatens to expose them - unless he is allowed in and helped out.

Cast size – 6 Running time - 90 minutes, 2 acts plus interval.

Boob Cruise Six island women embark on a journey to the mainland aboard a specially chartered boat. Five have a pressing appointment at the mobile breast screening clinic. The sixth has an equally pressing appointment - at the hairdressers. Can they sustain the banter and the bawdy humour, or will the underlying deeper emotions rise to the surface?

The Boob Cruise project was initiated by Lucy Conway who has lived on the Isle of Eigg since 2004. The title is derived from the name island women give to the boat they charter to take them to the mainland to attend the mobile breast screening clinic in Mallaig. Right Lines has been engaged to write the script for a production suitable for small venues and/or mid-scale theatres.

Cast size – 7 6F & 1M Running time - 60 minutes straight through, no interval.

The Mol Road Skye – 1981: Gaelic activism is on the rise! A small group of “militant Gaels” embark on a campaign to protect and promote their language, incurring the wrath of The Establishment. Will the Mol Road incident crush the insurgency, or mark one more step on the path to Justice?

Featuring covert operations, political intrigue, phone-tapping, police raids and the attentions of MI5, The Mol Road will be a multi-media theatre piece told in Gaelic and English with great comedy, music, song – and just a hint of the Sound of Music!

Cast size – 4.

The show will be designed to be performed in village hall venues and the running time will be approximately 60 minutes.

Scary Biscuits

All day in the studio rehearsing the classic radio play “Haunted Hall” and the actors are exhausted. But the Director craves “atmosphere” and insists on relocating the company to a village hall nearby to add an edge to the performance. Nerves are frayed and tension fills the air as the lights flicker and the opening lines of this notoriously cursed play are uttered …

Scary Biscuits is a touring theatre project that will be delivered on two platforms: a 20 minute radio drama and a full-length 90 minute interactive comedy theatre show with interval. Right Lines is particularly excited by the twin-platform staging that we have devised for this project and feels that it fits well with our company strategy of experimentation with formats and delivery.

Cast size – 6 Running time - 20 minute radio play, followed by a 90 minute interactive comedy, with interval.

The Kitchen

Join the kitchen ceilidh as we celebrate the one thing that unites all peoples and cultures – soup! Combining the essential ingredients of music, song and verse, plus some fabulous chopping action from our enthusiastic sous chefs (the audience), we bring our kitchen table drama right into your own home!

The Kitchen is a short, site-specific, interactive piece set in the host’s kitchen.

Perfect for festivals, small groups and hungry audiences.

Cast size – 2 actors, plus 1 musician Running time - 40 minutes straight through, no interval.

Tribute Band

The tribute band is a drama of hope, bittersweet emulation, deceit and complicity.

The story is of a fictitious Tribute act who faithfully replicate the hits of an equally fictitious rock band. As its aging fan base widens we will discover how it feels to snatch moderate success from the jaws of someone else’s glorious victory.

Using existing connections within the Tribute band business, I will research this world of reflected glory and create, in draft, a piece of musical comedy theatre that explores the modern theme of our willingness to be deceived.

The Moon is the Sun’s tribute act.

Cast size – 2 women 3 men Running time - 70 minutes

Wild Harbour Written in the 1930s, Wild Harbour, by Ian MacPherson, predicts the outbreak of a world war and documents its impact through the journal entries of Hugh who refuses to fight. Hugh and his wife, Terry, flee to a remote part of the Cairngorms and begin a life of utter secrecy and self-sufficiency, residing in a basic shelter and living off the land. The novel depicts the dread and horror of the oncoming war, the difficult choice of pacifism, the practical adversities of their new life and the inevitable, tragic consequences. These darker themes are counterbalanced by the beauty and serenity of the landscape and the love and optimism shared by the protagonists. Changing seasons is another key theme, as their summer idyll gives way to an unforgiving autumn.

The vision is to create a public performance piece based on Wild Harbour which blends music and theatre.

Right Lines will collaborate with songwriter Adam Ross on this project, a follow up to their very successful collaboration on The Isle of Love in 2018.

Cast size – 2, plus 4 musicians Running time - 60 minutes

Casting Call It is the evening of the Casting Call! Auditions are being held for the annual show in the village hall. However, the infighting, bickering and bad blood which drive the Village Players to the edge of disbandment every year, continues. The stalwarts of the company have power to wield and traditions to uphold: who will be in the spotlight and who will be backstage? Will it be Cinders for the ageing Maggie and curtains for young Jenny? In this evening of interactive comedy, everyone has a chance to shine – including the unwittingly talented audience.

Casting Call will be an interactive comedy theatre show performed by five professional actors. Integral to the show will be the involvement of performers drawn from local amateur drama groups in each location where the show visits on tour.

Cast size – 5 Running time - 90 minutes, with interval.

Golf Show VENUE – an actual golf course, anywhere. The action takes place at the 18th green and in the clubhouse.

The audience arrives at the golf course and gathers at the 18th green to observe the final hole in a match. An announcer guides them into position while also outlining the nature of the game that is being played and the scores as they stand. The actors actually play the last hole. Live footage as they approach the green is relayed onto a big screen.

The contest is decided by the final putt and a winner is declared. The players and audience move to the clubhouse where the real drama unfolds…

Cast size – 4 Running time – 75 minutes straight through, no interval.

Murdo’s Dress Following the unexpected death of his grandfather, Sandy discovers there was much more to the old man than a lifetime working his croft in Skye. Why the Spanish memorabilia in his cottage? Why the beautiful flamenco dress in his wardrobe? And why are his bagpipes in Seville?

The discovery of Murdo’s Dress leads Sandy on an international quest from the West Highlands to Southern Spain to try to solve the mystery of his grandfather’s double life. Things are not always as they seem and in the search for truth, Sandy begins to uncover the secrets in the family – and the family in the secrets.

Murdo’s Dress is an ambitious, multi-cast production featuring an enticing blend of traditional music and dance from Highland Scotland and Southern Spain.

Cast size – 8+ Running time – 120 minutes, plus interval.

Living Wake Show

Joey is having a Wake. It’s a Living Wake, mainly because Joey is not dead. Nor does he plan to be any time soon. Following the maxim, “I wanna die before I get old”, Joey has decided that he wants a big party to celebrate his inevitable passing in case it creeps up unexpectedly and there’s no time to prepare.

Perhaps, more selfishly, if he’s going to throw a big party, he wants to be damn sure he gets to enjoy it – by being there. His “death” doesn’t involve the fundamental component – actually dying. Perhaps he really just wants to live forever…

The show will allow an exploration of how we plan for death and how we deal with it when the time comes, either expected or unexpected. It also examines the challenges and surprises life can throw at us and how the time around death presents an opportunity to help resolve some of these issues and make the process peaceful and easeful.

Cast size – 3 Running time – 60 minutes, straight through, no interval.