Mentoring Opportunity

Feedback:

Why Are We So Afraid?

By David Anderson

It is often said that the fear of public speaking is one of the greatest phobias for people to overcome. This makes sense. Performing in front of a large group with all eyes on you and nowhere to hide is scary.

A more common although less obvious fear is the fear of offering or hearing constructive criticism, more commonly known in corporate jargon as feedback. Even with people we have great relationships with, we struggle. We are afraid to hurt people’s feelings or even ruin the relationship. So what do we do instead? We talk behind their backs, make fun of them, or complaining about that annoying thing they do.

That’s not really helpful but it’s easy. It is not easy to look someone in the eye and offer constructive feedback. However, if you want people to improve, its essential.

Delivering Feedback

You can say anything to anyone. However, you need to know When and How.

When — • You have thought out what you want to say. • You are not emotional. • You’re in private. • You both have enough time. • The person you want to speak with is in a good frame of mind.

How — • Frame the conversation. “Can I give you some feedback?” “When you said X, I felt Y.” “I wanted to follow up our conversation.” • Be very open-minded and objective. • Be prepared to look in the mirror. Do not offer feedback if you are not ready to receive it. • Seek to understand where they are coming from — their mood, their position, how they think, what is going on in their life. • Treat them with respect and start with common ground. “I agree with you on that point, but how about we try it this way.” “Yes, we should do that, but can I make a suggestion?” • Ask for clarification. “What did you mean when you said that?” “My perception was this; is that what you meant?” We often make assumptions that are incorrect that make a problem worse. “Oh, you did not mean to…?” • Speak softly, slowly, and less. • Listen intently to show you care. Practice active listening so they know you heard them. • After offering feedback ask, “Am I being fair?” • Give the person room to respond to your probing. It should be a give-and-take. • Role play with someone you trust to prepare for this important conversation. • Always be professional and courteous. You don’t want to insult someone; you ultimately want to help them because you care about the person. • Concentrate on the specific subject. not the person. • Thank them for their time, and be sure to follow up to show how important the relationship is.

• When the stakes are high, document what was discussed and ask them to review it for accuracy.

Giving feedback is very important. If you can learn to do it well, this will put you ahead of 90% of people. It will also deepen your relationship with people.

David M. Anderson has over 30 years of experience in horticulture, client service, and public relations. He works for Mayer Tree Service. David is a Massachusetts Certified Arborist, Certified Landscape Professional, and Certified Tree Care Safety Professional. He was the chairman of the Massachusetts Certified Arborist Board for three years and is currently a board member of the Massachusetts Nursery and Landscape Association. David has authored several articles for

trade publications and frequently gives presentations to garden clubs, trade organizations, and students on a variety of topics. In the last several years, he has become more involved in and passionate about employee engagement.Welcome to the MNLA Virtual Forum!

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