Your inner voice: friend or foe?

Who’s the person you speak to most often? Why it’s yourself, of course. And what is the nature of your monologues? Do you tend to be harsh, nasty, and punitive about what you’ve done or haven’t done? Does your self-judgment pierce your heart; rob you of your energy? Do you expect too much of yourself? Are you your own worst enemy? If so, it’s time to change your inner voice from foe to friend! To do so, you must become aware of not only your behavior (what you did or didn’t do) but also your judgments about your behavior.

Begin by developing another voice in your head, one that’s not discouraging or demoralizing but is kind and reassuring. When you make a mistake, it reminds you that, “It’s okay; we all make mistakes. What you did or didn’t do isn’t so terrible.” This voice accepts your faults, acknowledges your weaknesses, and gently encourages you to do better next time. Yes, I know, this isn’t easy to do when your inner voice has always been discouraging and demoralizing. But you’ve got to believe me – YOU CAN DO IT!

So, now it’s time to eradicate that voice in your head that tells you, “You’re not good enough.” No matter what you do, you should have done better. No matter who you are, you don’t measure up to your high standards. No matter how you look, you don’t look good enough. It doesn’t matter what others think; you, and you alone, know the truth.

Yes, old thoughts are tough to eradicate because whatever you say to yourself repeatedly, you come to believe. It doesn’t matter if it’s true, has an iota of truth to it, or is patently false. You believe it, you become it, you live it!

You may believe you are unique and don’t have an inner voice. But you do. If you’re unaware of it, you will have trouble recognizing how it hinders you. So, make it a point to notice what you say to yourself. And label it: friend or foe.

Give yourself a welldeserved fist pump each time your inner voice is a friend. And when your inner voice is a foe, consciously alter your harsh judgment and make it a kinder assessment. Doing so will enable you to live a better life.

Yes, I know it’s hard to eradicate old thoughts from your mind; but it’s possible. Imagine cleaning out a closet full of old clothes that no longer fit, or that simply don’t feel right. Think of how much better you’ll feel when you get rid of those old clothes, replacing them with clothes that fit and are stylish! Now imagine doing the same thing with your mind. Imagine getting rid of all the old name-calling and harsh judgments and replacing them with sentiments that make you feel good about yourself! No, you don’t have to be perfect. You just need to be kind and caring to yourself.

Old habits die hard, so making a significant change may take a while. But be assured that each small step in the right direction will bring you closer to what you want to do and who you want to be.

©2023

Linda Sapadin, Ph.D., psychologist, coach and author specializes in helping people improve their relationships, enhance their lives and overcome procrastination and fear. Contact her at DrSapadin@aol.com. Visit her website at www.PsychWisdom.com.