Philadelphia Weekly 1-25-2017

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PHILLYWEEKLY.COM R. Kennedy for Visit Philadelphia

TIVE PHILLY’S NEWS ALTERNA

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JANUARY 25-FEBRUARY 1, 2017 Photo by Maria Young

BEEMER, BENZ OR BENTLEY? Philly Auto Show set to make its return this weekend SEE PAGE 12

LOOKING GOOD, LISA LAMPANELLI The Queen of Mean talks lesbians, weight loss surgery and living in Donald Trump’s America SEE PAGE 8

BY AUSTIN MACFADDEN

#THEPHILLYEFFECT A new PW series chronicling life in the City of Brotherly Love SEE PAGE 11

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JANUARY 25 - FEBRUARY 1, 2017

Real Diamond: A Tribute to Neil Diamond Sunday, January 29 5:30pm $25 per person.

Visit parxcasino.com/events for details.

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Friday, January 27 5pm Brian Dean Moore Band 9:30pm Don’t Call Me Francis 10pm DJ Paul Desisto

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Saturday, January 28 5pm Monday’s Mistress 9:30pm Bigg Romeo 10pm DJ Eddie Tully

Sunday, January 29 5:30pm Real Diamond A Tribute to Neil Diamond

Thursday, February 2 9pm Latin Night

Friday, February 3 5pm Big Chill 9:30pm The Rockets 10pm DJ Eric Vanderslice

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JANUARY 25 - FEBRUARY 1, 2017

Connect with us: @PhillyWeekly EDITORIAL Don Russell, Editor-in-chief, drussell@bsmphilly.com Kerith Gabriel, Editor, kgabriel@philadelphiaweekly.com Anastasia Barbalios, Managing Editor, anastasia@phillyweekly.com Max Marin, Staff Writer, mmarin@phillyweekly.com

state city of the

BUSINESS Perry Corsetti, COO, pcorsetti@bsmphilly.com John Gallo, Publisher, jgallo@southphillyreview.com Deidre Simms, Director of Major Accounts, deidre@phillyweekly.com PHILADELPHIA WEEKLY 2 Executive Campus, Cherry Hill, N.J. 08002 Phone: 215-563-7400 Classified: 215-354-3054

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Photos by Maria Young, Kerith Gabriel, Max Marin and Austin Macfadden

PHILADELPHIA GRABS BACK

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wo full days of demonstrations and protest accurately portrayed to the world that America truly is a melting pot of beautiful races, creeds and nationalities. While the powers that be furiously work behind the scenes to construct walls to divide, people all across the country rallied together to unify.

Philadelphia, one of the first cities in this great nation, represented that claim to perfection. While the agendas were many, the common rallying cry was one of equality and hope.

Equal pay for women. Equal treatment to all minorities. That internally, we see each other as equals, regardless of color, gender or socioeconomic status.

Hope that all of this could start to become reality. Hope that an administration won’t set back generations of advancement and exigence.

Some believe all that noise falls on deaf ears. We beg to differ. —KERITH GABRIEL | @SPRTSWTR

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Pot? Please.

Was the wall drama at Rittenhouse Square a snapshot of Center City privilege?

BY MAX MARIN

PHILLYWEEKLY.COM

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n an unseasonably warm winter afternoon in one of Philadelphia’s popular parks, two bedraggled middle-aged men sat slumped on a bench, sharing anxious mutters beneath a canopy of trees.

“Don’t smoke that here,” the one man said to the other. “There are kids right over there.”

“I wouldn’t do that, man,” the other man said, pocketing a glass pipe. “I’m not that far gone.”

Minutes later, the two men ventured out to the far edge of the park.

They passed hits from the pipe back in forth. They were still within eyeshot of children and families.

Perhaps they assumed it was the thought that counted.

No, this wasn’t a scene from potcrazed Rittenhouse Square. It happened in McPherson Square, about two miles northeast of the city’s core. And it wasn’t marijuana in the pipe; it was crack cocaine.

As you may know, however, Rittenhouse recently went through a short-lived ban which prohibited sitting on the park’s stone balustrades.

“No sitting” signs were installed, and a permanent rotation of police officers and private security personnel enforced the new rule.

Backlash was swift and ferocious.

Within 48 hours, Mayor Jim Kenney responded to criticism by reversing the new procedure. “Sit where you want,” he tweeted, with a peace sign.

But for those two days in between, the entire city seemed transfixed with this governmental overstep against what many viewed as two of the park’s longstanding cultural rites: sitting on the pretty stone walls and/ or sparking a joint. Meanwhile, in underserved public spaces across the city, it’s rarely this easy to galvanize change.

While it’s almost too easy to scream injustice at the difference

between Kensington and Center City, it’s largely a matter of funding.

It’s difficult to pinpoint how much money is annually spent per park, says Jennifer Crandall, public relations manager for Philadelphia Parks & Recreation. But before Mayor Jim Kenney’s $500 million Rebuild initiative, getting money for amenities in a local park meant not just begging a district councilperson to move funds around from the city’s capital budget, but also doing some of the fundraising yourself through friends groups.

For Dennis Payne, a lifelong resident and friend to his neighborhood’s McPherson Square, the Rittenhouse dustup was an incredible scene to behold.

“In our park, we’re dealing with real drug addiction. In Rittenhouse, they’re dealing with the elite’s kids who just want to smoke pot on a wall. There’s a big difference. When they get a problem down there, everybody comes to their rescue.

But when we have a problem like a shooting or a stabbing or [someone overdosing] in the park, we get barely any attention.”

For years, Kensington’s McPherson Square has gone by another name: “Needle Park.” Prior to concerted cleanup efforts of recent

years, one could find hundreds of hypodermic syringes embedded in the grass and in the cracks of the sidewalk in and around the Philadelphia Free Library branch.

The park today is without question miles cleaner than it was five years ago. Payne, who works with a friends group for the park and remains one of its most vocal advocates, says it’s time to put Needle Park to rest.

But the struggle is still very real.

It took years of kicking and screaming at City Hall before McPherson received 24-hour security floodlights.

And today, thanks to stronger neighborhood activism around the park, someone combs through the grass and sidewalk to pick up discarded needles. (On a good day, they’ll find 30 or 40; in years past, you’d lose count ten minutes into the deep clean.)

“We’ve been crying for video cameras in our park for the last seven years, and we still don’t have a single one,” Payne added. “Rittenhouse Square has cameras, city police, park rangers, and security from all the businesses around there. They’re in a safe zone. Anything stupid happens there, it’s on their security...other parks just don’t have that.”

Hissey Playground has a similar

history just a few blocks away. And of course, it isn’t just Kensington’s drug-plagued public spaces that contend regularly with crimes that often go unreported in the media.

When PW inquired about crime statistics for the city’s parks, the Philadelphia Police Department referred a reporter to the Parks & Recreation, which then referred the request back to the police department.

A police spokesman said that the department can break down crime stats by block number, but not by institutions like public parks, many of which sprawl across several blocks.

But if there’s an object lesson to the Rittenhouse fiasco, it’s that when Philly gets loud enough, its people have the capacity to reverse policy decisions within a matter of hours.

Rittenhouse’s Wallgate was an easy battle in part because it had so many allies. Neighborhood parks rely on their hyperlocal champions.

“The folks that are involved with their neighborhood parks are just as passionate [as those around Rittenhouse Square],” Crandall of Parks & Rec said. “They’re maybe even more passionate.”

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JANUARY 25 - FEBRUARY 1, 2017

current state of things?

I mean I just do what I’ve always done. I make fun of everybody and everything, and Trump happens to be a great subject right now on every front. I’m not a political comic at all, so it would be weird if I just turned into a preachy, sort-of political commentator. I more make fun of his policies—and obviously his looks, because that’s pretty horrendous.

I really just look at my show as an escape for people.

Q&A with the Queen of Mean Lisa Lampanelli talks Trump, lesbians and weight loss surgery.

BY ANASTASIA BARBALIOS

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omic Lisa Lampanelli is heading to the City of Brotherly Love—well, the ’burbs at least—with a Trump-infused show and her signature pearl-clutching comedy.

The self-proclaimed “Queen of Mean” has been busy producing and starring in her off-Broadway stage show, “Stuffed,” and in production of her fifth stand-up special, “Back to the Drawing Board,” which garnered her a Grammy-nod for Best Comedy Album. Her upcoming show at the Valley Forge Casino gets a little more personal and delves into her dramatic divorce, dating life, and 100-plus pound weight loss.

So, you’re heading to Philly this week. Have you been out here before?

I’ve been to Philly a lot and I’ve played the Borgata in Atlantic City.

But I don’t know if I was ever in King of Prussia. Every time I tell people I’m going there, if it’s a woman they’re all envious that I’m going to be near a big mall. Actually, it’s all my gay male friends! All the straight guys are all like, “Yeah it’s right near Philly.”

I guess there’s something for everyone down there.

Yep, that mall is definitely KOP’s claim to fame. You’re touring during an interesting time, in the aftermath of the inauguration.

You obviously have some experience with the president, since you were on “Celebrity Apprentice” and you were on the dais at his 2011 Comedy Central Roast. Is it weird to you that this same person is now America’s president?

I just think it’s weird that he’s going to be the president at all. But, I also feel like it’s my only chance in the next four years to get invited to the

White House—cause I think he thinks we’re friends! He can keep that illusion all he wants as long as I get an invite. You know after this there’s going to be no president who would know who the hell I am. I say I’m going to take advantage of these four years to sneak in all the democrats and gays that I can.

Are there any interesting stories you would be willing to share about him?

Well, I would say a good 50 percent of my act right now revolves around Trump because of my experience on the “Apprentice,” and because of my experience roasting him twice. I mean, I didn’t just roast him once, I roasted him twice, because we did a private, closed-door one at [New York’s] Friar’s Club years ago. I would never have guessed it would come to this now. So, pretty much a lot of my act comes from that. I do a big roast of Trump during my set now—which I clearly expanded on—because there’s so much to make fun of him about now. I hope that’s my warmup if I get asked to do the White House Correspondents Dinner.

This is all a part of my plan to sneak my way in.

Is there anything off limits?

Oh no! Why? Why would there be?

We sign a non-disclosure agreement when we do things like the “Apprentice.” But c’mon. NBC can’t fire me twice. So let’s go.

Do you feel like it’s an important time to be a comedian, given the

Lately you’ve been bringing more of your personal life into your work—discussing your weight loss and divorce. Has that been hard for you or do you find it cathartic?

I just think it’s the most natural thing in the world, because I’ve been listening to Howard Stern since I was a kid. I’ve always admired how much he put himself out there, that he didn’t have any limits to what he’d talk about. I mean that famous scene in his movie where he talks about his wife’s miscarriage. I said if he can talk about that, then I can talk about things like weight loss surgery, or my struggles with why I gained weight in the first place. So to me, my job’s gotten easier because I just put myself out there and you don’t feel like you’re hiding anything. And I’ve never really hid anything anyway.

I’ve always taken a cue from him as somebody who I could really emulate because he had the guts to do it too.

But, you’re still the Queen of Mean, right?

Well, you know with the roasts that I do and the audience, yeah. I really like it. I’ve always thought it was a badge of honor, because I don’t know a lot of comics who can sort of get away with what I do without losing their following. I’m always proud of what I’ve done and what I continue to do.

So what should the audience expect? Should they not sit in the front row?

You know what’s weird? My audience is so strange. It reminds me of the audience at a [Don] Rickles show.

You want to be made fun of. I will get a ton of emails before a show telling me their specific seat numbers!

“We’re the four gay guys in row four, find us.” And usually I can find them. But most people who come to my show or a Rickles or Jeff Ross show, know what to expect so you kind of know that’s part of the fun.

And I love doing it, because I make fun of myself, I make fun of them, so we’re all kind of equal. I decided six

months ago, to do a Q&A session because I was getting so many questions—about Trump and about the weight loss—so we decided to take questions spontaneously from the audience. We’re not going to get ones in advance on little index cards, cause I don’t need to prepare answers. I think the audience feels like they know me better than they used to.

What’s one of the craziest things they’ve asked you?

I keep getting asked out by really young, good looking boys and really ugly lesbians. So, even if I wanted to jump onto the tuna boat, I wouldn’t because I’m not getting high-class babes that I should get at this level of my career. And I always know the ugly ones are serious and that the good-looking ones are goofing on me. I still bring the insecurity of the 16-year-old fat Lisa to the situation.

So, Trump and dates, that’s all you’re getting?

Oh, once I helped a girl break up with her abusive boyfriend on the phone. It was fantastic. I was so proud of her. The next time I went back to Vegas, where that took place, she told me she broke up with him.

Me talking about my divorce helped her get some courage, even though my ex-husband wasn’t a bad gay. So that was cool. And one day I gave a girl a makeover. Cause, you know, now that I’m a 10, physically, I feel like I could do good for the world by making it less ugly.

That’s great. Giving back.

Exactly, that’s me. The giver.

What’s next?

Well, I’ve just done my play offBroadway and there’s a strong chance that it’s coming back because it was so well received. It was a play I did called “Stuffed,” about women and eating issues. So, we’re working on bringing that back to a bigger space.

And I’ll probably be doing another special in a year and a half, because I think it takes, for me, about two to three years to do a sharp, good special. I don’t like just cranking them out just to make money. So I think I’ll get down to the business of getting one done soon.

Give Trump some time to give you some material.

I have a feeling I’ll only need a couple of weeks.

Sat., Jan. 28, 10pm. Valley Forge Casino, 1160 1st Ave, King of Prussia. vfcasino.com

DON RUSSELL

Ale to the Chief Sixpack sales in PA stores in backdrop of a wild week for America.

tributors do not collect Philadelphia’s 10 percent drink tax. It’s another one of those odd loopholes—one that I expect the city will close any day now.

But this day was not about negativity. Yes, it was gray and rainy outside (is it my imagination, or has the sun been absent from the sky since the Inauguration?), but for the first time in my life I left a Pennsylvania beer distributor with a mere sixpack under my arm.

It was the bright dawning of a new world. And it couldn’t have come at a better time because, frankly, in the next four years, we’re gonna need a lot more beer.

TWITTER: @BEER_RADAR

SIXPACK OF THEWEEK

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W

e made America great last week.

A populist upheaval swept aside decades of control by elitist power brokers who reaped the rewards of government while the people had borne the cost. But last week, the carnage stopped right here and it stopped right now.

That’s right: Pennsylvanians can now buy a sixpack at a beer distributor.

Amid all the commotion in Washington, D.C., and on the streets of so many American cities, the antiquated beer laws of the Keystone State were changed almost without notice.

For the first time in nearly a century, Pennsylvanians could actually purchase their favorite adult beverage in a serving size that is somewhat smaller than might be needed to sustain a fraternity house. A mere six cans.

Until last week, state regs enacted after the Prohibition required that distributors sell beer by the full case.

That meant 24 bottles, or under the inanely precise rules laid out by Harrisburg, 264 ounces. (That law was amended in 2016 through a bizarre loophole to allow for the sale of 12-packs.)

But sixpacks? The most popular form of malt-based liquid containment in America? My own personal namesake? Illegal in the state’s beer distributors. Sad!

Yes, you could buy a sixer-to-go at a bar. But that always felt like an act of late-night desperation, where you were apt to pay 15 bucks for six bottles of ordinary Yuengling—about the price of a full case if you had actually planned ahead. Never mind that dopey two-sixpack limit (still intact) that had you running back and forth to your car, trying to stock up enough brew for an afternoon of widescreen football.

The complex rules eventually spawned a charade exploited by some grocery stores, in which sixpacks are sold separately from bread and milk at a special cash register in an in-store “restaurant.” The sixpack ban was lifted under a law signed last fall by our governor, who is a communist.

Let that sink in.

Which led me to Worldwide Beverage last weekend.

This neighborhood beer distributor, located in a former post office on Green Lane, has been serving the thirsty citizens of Roxborough for many years. It’s not uncommon to see double-parked cars out front, their trunks open for loading.

On this day, I walked.

“You got sixpacks?”

It was like asking for an illegal onesie at the 7-Eleven.

The guy behind the counter nodded to a small rack against the wall.

There wasn’t much of a selection— maybe 15 brands. It’ll be a few more months before distributors can furnish their stores with proper coolers and display cases.

I grabbed a sixpack of New Belgium Voodoo Ranger, a strong (9 percent alcohol) imperial IPA that was a bargain at $11.49 plus sales tax.

Speaking of which, unlike bars, delis and grocery stores, beer dis-

JANUARY 25 - FEBRUARY 1, 2017

JOE SIXPACK

Hopslam Bell’s Brewery (Kalamazoo, Mich.)

Double IPA ALCOHOL: 10% SIXPACK SEZ: A “hop slam” is when beretwearing beer freaks challenge each other to spontaneous poetry readings about their favorite hops while sucking down double IPAs. It can get very bitter. Look for this much-anticipated annual release to show up on local shelves this week.

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JANUARY 25 - FEBRUARY 1, 2017 PHILLYWEEKLY.COM

Painting a Brighter Future

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Mural Arts Philadelphia brings Porch Light program to Kensington.

BY CHRISTOPHER SEAMANS

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ecently, Mural Arts Philadelphia commissioned a piece of large scale public art in Kensington. However this one arrives with a unique twist.

The mural will be part of MAP’s Porch Light program, a partnership with the City of Philadelphia’s Department of Behavioral Health and Intellectual Disability Services. The plan focuses on empowering residents dealing with mental health issues or trauma by offering them the opportunity to contribute to works of public art.

According to Porch Light program director Laure Biron, there are two basic models for projects within the program, supported financially by the city, the Stavros Niarchos Foundation, and the Hummingbird Foundation.

In the first model, MAP coordinates with therapeutic staff in local inpatient and outpatient behavioral health organizations to offer an arts-based curriculum that complements the behavioral health services that local residents are receiving. In the second model, MAP sets up a pop-up storefront that becomes a sort of ad hoc community center where arts-based classes are offered and a variety of local partners either provide services directly or refer local residents to other providers.

“The artist develops content for a mural that then gets installed in the neighborhood where that agency is and engages the wider community around where that mural will land,” Biron explained.

This hub model has been tried once, starting about five years ago with Southeast by Southeast, which was supposed to be a temporary project in South Philadelphia.

“It was going to be a quick intervention to try to help connect the Department of Behavioral Health with the constituents there,” said Biron.

“What ended up happening was that we realized this was a great model to get people connected to behavioral health services. So they get in the door, it’s an easy point of entry through arts-based programming, but they ultimately end up staying and getting connected to all these other basic services.”

When looking for a location for a new hub-based project, MAP solicited applications from different neighborhoods and neighborhood groups.

“Kensington was one of the sites that had applied, through the New Kensington Community Development Corporation along with Prevention Point Philly and Impact Services Corporation,” Biron said. “We were really excited, they had a really strong application and they were really ready for these kinds of services and for these kinds of programs. We also really invested this year in addressing the opioid crisis in some way, so what better place to do that than in Kensington?”

Joanna Winchester, director of strategic initiatives for the New Kensington Community Development Corporation said that her organization is looking forward to working with MAP. “We were really pleased to hear from Mural Arts Philadelphia because public art has been a big part of how we do our work for a long time,” said Winchester. “There’s been a lot of press attention recently about heroin and opioid use in Kensington and we really hope that this space will offer an approachable place for people to start having conversations with each other about that and working through what it means to be a neighborhood with that issue.”

Winchester added: “We’re still in the early days with this project, so there’s a lot of room for people to get involved if they’re interested in getting involved. We’re going to be coming to a lot of community meetings to talk to neighbors and get people’s feedback. We’re making decisions about what services need to be provided based on feedback that people are giving us.

JANUARY 25 - FEBRUARY 1, 2017

Super Tuesday: Special election for district left vacant by disgraced Rep. Leslie Acosta

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she would need petition for 474 voter signatures and deliver them by the end of January.

Danilo Burgos, who ran for the seat and lost against Acosta in 2014, has been mulling a possible run as Independent, but could not speak to the details.

“I am analyzing all the options at this time,” Burgos said.

In order to organize a successful independent campaign in such a short window, Burgos would likely need the support of a grassroots political organization and a considerable fundraising strategy to mount a get-out-the-vote campaign.

Last time he ran, he had the support of Councilwoman Maria Quiñones-Sánchez and her political action committee known as LEAD. But the councilwoman hasn’t decided whether she will get involved in her district’s tumultuous politics for this special election.

“The last two Democratic state representatives in this district have had to resign from office.

Obviously, when it comes to general elections, the [Philly GOP] has to pick and choose its battles. But this [special election] is the only game in town that day, and we’re going to try to win it.”

—Philadelphia Republican Party Leader Joe DeFelice As per Democratic party rules, every candidate must be given due consideration by ward leaders in a special election. But the way that the internal voting process breaks down has been criticized as opaque and undemocratic. Some ward leaders represent more divisions than others, and therefore their votes carry more weight. Sources familiar with the process told PW that ward leaders are leveraging their power for a better turnout.

And the most influential ward leader in the district, Emilio Vazquez, is nominating himself for the seat.

In the meantime, doors at Acosta’s former offices will remain in order to disrupt ongoing operations in the district. The PA House will supervise operations for constituent services “until a new representative takes office and decides how to manage the district,” according to Turzai.

—MAX MARIN | @MAXMMARIN

#ThePhillyEffect Andre Altrez “The Philly Effect” is an ongoing series about the impact Philadelphia has made on its residents’ lives.

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ndre Altrez is a New York-born, Philly-fortified rapper and artist who runs Girard Hall, a DIY space in North Philly. Altrez came to Philly to finish an undergraduate degree in industrial design, and decided not to move back. Here’s how Philly changed him: “Philly’s been a city where I’ve been able to work on the things that give my life meaning without breaking my back to make end’s meat.

While I was in school, one of my friends from NYC put me onto some kids that were moving into a warehouse space up north, and from there I got into Girard Hall. And that’s the reason I’ve stayed in Philly. I knew I wasn’t going to find an affordable 3,000 square foot warehouse anywhere else. Pretty much all of them in New York are already converted into apartments or startup incubators or some stupid shit.

I didn’t think I’d be running a DIY venue at this point in my life. I didn’t think I’d be rapping. Honestly, it can be kind of a gift and a curse. But I’m doing things now that will translate well wherever I go after this.

You have to cut through a lot of fluff to get to the good things in New York. Because you can make it off of idiots off in New York. You can sell anything to anybody because there’s always so many people moving in and out. If something’s gonna be stupid in Philly, it’s really not gonna last that long. Look at the Piazza. The Piazza is almost a ghost town.

You may not have a greater number of things happening in Philly, but the quality of things happening is a lot higher because there’s less room for error.

I try to convince a couple of New York friends to come down, because we would take this motherfucker over, but it’s hard for some folks to leave to New York City because it’s this very romantic thing to people. We move fast up there. But the hood is the hood wherever you go. Some of my friends will say “oh man, it feels too slow for me down here.” But I’m like, I’m not in a place just to live and exist. I’m here on a mission.

But if you’re listening to this in New York and you’re one of those gentrifying folks, stay up there.

It’s whack. Don’t ever come down here, I swear to God, I’m just lying. This [reporter] is forcing me to do this.” —MAX MARIN | @MAXMMARIN

PHILLYWEEKLY.COM

t’s a “save the date” kind of affair for voters in the 197th Legislative District of former State Rep. Leslie Acosta.

Last week, PA House Speaker Mike Turzai scheduled a special election for Tues., March 21 to fill the vacant seat left by the disgraced state representative, who resigned six months after confessing to a felony misdemeanor to commit money laundering.

As PW reported last month, numerous Democratic candidates are vying to win the support of a handful of ward leaders in the heavily gerrymandered section of predominantly Latino and African-American neighborhoods in North Philadelphia.

With less than two months to go, voters will have very little time to get to know the potential candidates—especially as it remains unclear who will be on the ballot for this off-day election, and may not be clear for another several weeks.

Turzai reiterated state law that candidates for a special election be “selected by a process designated by their respective political parties,” which basically means party leaders handpick who they want to run—not the party voters.

As many as five Democrats are looking for the majority nod within their party, according to multiple sources. Among those potential Dems are Noelia Diaz, a marketing representative for a healthcare agency; Freddy Ramirez, the president of Pan-American Mental Health Clinic; and Emilio Vazquez, a prominent ward leader in the district. Disenchanted with the history of corruption from the Latino side of the district, AfricanAmerican ward leaders are also taking candidate nominations.

The Democratic Party will have to make its decision sometime in February.

In contrast with the Democratic scrambling, Joe DeFelice, chairman of the city’s Republican party, said the GOP has decided to run Lucinda Little, a newcomer on the political scene who has lived in the district for years. While district registration leans overwhelmingly Democratic, DeFelice believes the GOP should be given a shot.

“The last two Democratic state representatives in this district have had to resign from office,” DeFelice said. “Obviously, when it comes to general elections, the [Philly GOP] has to pick and choose its battles. But this [special election] is the only game in town that day, and we’re going to try to win it.”

Philadelphia has two Republican state representatives: veteran Rep. John Taylor, and newcomer Rep. Martina White. To DeFelice’s point, White was elected through a special election in 2015 largely due to fractured infighting in the Democratic party. Turnout for special elections is routinely low, compared to general and primary elections.

There’s also a chance that a candidate will mount an independent bid.

If an independent candidate wants to run, he or

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JANUARY 25 - FEBRUARY 1, 2017

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The funnyman has starred on numerous TV shows, including Wild ‘N Out, Last Comic Standing, and HBO’s Def Comedy Jam. He heads to Philly ahead of his leap to the big screen in Think Like A Man Too. | Jan. 26-28. $25. Punch Line Philly, 1004 Canal St. punchlinephilly.com

Glass has appeared on Tosh.0, Louie, and The Daily Show, in addition to his own Netflix special. The funnyman can also be heard on his weekly podcast: “The Todd Glass Show.” | Jan. 26-29. Helium, 2031 Sansom St. heliumcomedy.com

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COMEDY

B

eetles, Beemers and Benzes, on my! The Philadelphia Auto Show returns this week with a sneak peak at the industry’s latest offerings and coolest automotive gadgets. Get a look at the latest incarnations of cars in your actual price bracket, like the GMC Terrain, Chevy Equinox and Kia Stinger. Then mosey over to the drool-worthy, kidney-selling section that features cars like the Ferrari California T, Bentley Flying Spur and Maserati Gran Turismo. New this year is a Hollywood Rides section, featuring iconic wheels from Tinseltown’s hit movies. Jump in the front seat of the Ghostbusters’ ECTO1, the DeLorean from Back to the Future, the 1966 Batmobile or Dominic Toretto’s Charger from Fast Five.

Various events are scheduled throughout the 10-day affair, including a chance to test drive a BMW i3 on the actual streets or Philadelphia. The show also features special guest appearances from Little League phenom Mo’Ne Davis, UFC champ Eddie Alvarez and Voice finalist Audra McLaughlin. Get a jump start on the festivities at the Black Tie Tailgate kickoff event on Fri.., Jan. 28. Dine on food from Sbraga and Termini Bros. and dance among the coolest cars in the world as you get an inside look at the show before anyone else. All proceeds benefit the Division of Neurology at The Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia. —ANASTASIA BARBALIOS

Dottie Riot and Ginger Leigh host this night of original burlesque from local pros and up-and-coming stars.

This week’s show includes performances by Rosalee Sweet, Kate Nyx, Quorra Vahn Tassels, Miss V, Lady Lazarus and Mustang Mayhem (who will be making her burlesque debut). | 9pm. $10. Franky Bradley’s 1320 Chancellor St. frankybradleys.com

FRIDAY, JANUARY 27 ART

Winter Exhibitions Moore College of Art hosts this opening reception for four new exhibits opening this week and running throughout the season. “RAIR: Filthy Rich” includes sculptural objects, photography and video from various local artists; Ana Penalba’s “Philli” features recent work created during her fall stint as a Recycled Artist In Residency; Mark Stockton’s “Independent(s)” focuses on the radical female voice; and “Paper Giants” brings together the work of three New York-based artists: Ky Anderson, Meg Lipke and Vicki Sher. | 5:30pm. Through March 11. Moore College of Art & Design, 20th St. and the Ben Franklin Pkwy. moore.edu

Jan. 28-Feb. 5. PAConvention Center, 127 N. Broad St. phillyautoshow.com

PARTY

WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 25 THURSDAY, JANUARY 26

12

TALK

STAGE

Shifting the Gaze: Alice Bag

Hello! Sadness!

Kelly Writers House hosts this talk with singer and activist Alice Bag. The leader of The Bags—one of the seminal bands during the first wave of punk rock—is also the author of “Violence Girl” and “Pipe Bomb For the Soul.” | 6pm. Free.

Kelly Writers House, 3805 Locust Walk. writing.upenn.edu/wh

Written and performed by Mary Tuomanen, Hello! Sadness! is a dark comedy that features humor as a weapon for social activism. The play incorporates icons from the past, and utilizes stories from Joan of Arc to the Black Panther Party through visual projections and sound design. | Jan. 26-28. FringeArts, 140 N. Columbus Blvd. fringearts.com

Performance Garage Renovation Celebration The Performance Garage has been undergoing a facelift, thanks to a $500,000 grant the city awarded it through the Cultural Corridors Fund.

It’s finally ready to show off the work with a free party featuring snacks and beer from Yards Brewing Company.

The event will feature a dance party on the newly restored stage and tours of the building. | 6pm. Performance Garage, 1515 Brandywine St. renovation_celebration.eventbrite.com

This Town Ain’t Pig Enough For The Both Of Us Pig Iron Theatre Company’s annual benefit and cabaret will be hosted

by Quinn “The Sheriff” Bauriedel and feature a performance by local legend Martha Graham Cracker. This year’s theme is “This Town Ain’t Pig Enough For The Both of Us,” with acts by Almanac Dance Circus Theatre, an excerpt from Alex Bechtel’s “The West,”Luna the Contortionist, The Monkey Man and his monkey, Django, and much more. | 8pm. The Trocadero, 1003 Arch St. pigiron. auction-bid.org/microsite

SATURDAY, JANUARY 28 DRINK

Winterfest Live! 2017 The fourth annual Winterfest returns with more than 150 craft beers, DJs, bands, giveaways, contests and outdoor fire pits. Get your own custom stein to enjoy your choice of brews at the event. | 2pm. $20-$45. XFINITYLive! 1100 Pattison Avenue. xfinitylive.com

STAGE

Bye Bye Liver Two parts sketch comedy, one part drinking: mix and serve. Join comedians and audience members in a series of interactive drinking games, like “Would You Rather” and more. | 8pm. $15-$20. Front Street Cafe, 1253 N. Front St. byebyeliver.com/ philadelphia

BENEFIT

Brian Sanders’ Junk: Snowball One of the city’s most stylish fundraisers, the seventh annual Snowball from Brian Sanders’ JUNK features sneak peak performances by the dance

DRINK

Sour Beer Event Bainbridge Barrel House hosts this annual sampling of sour beers. Featured brews include Almanac Hoppy Sour, Bruery Sour in the Ryem Bullfrog Barrel Aged Sour Cherry Funny Farmhouse, Carton Sakura, Cascade Elderberry, Destihl Sour Cherry Stout, Perennial Suburban Beverage, Prairie Funky Gold and more. | Noon. Bainbridge Barrel House, 627 S. Sixth St. bainbridgestreetbarrelhouse.com

STAGE

Lizzie

SUNDAY, JANUARY 29 CELEBRATION

Chinese New Year: Lion Dance Parade Kick off the Year of the Rooster with the Philadelphia Suns Lion Dance Parade. The human-sized, multi-colored Chinese lion will strut through the streets of Chinatown to celebrate the new year and raise money for the Philadelphia Suns’ traveling sports teams. | 11am. Chinatown. chinatown-pcdc.org

DANCE

Koresh Artist Showcase Featuring work by local dance companies and a showcase performance from the Koresh Youth Ensemble.

SCREEN

Mr. Gaga The Israeli Film Festival of Philadelphia presents this screening of the award-winning film Mr. Gaga. The documentary follows choreographer Ohad Naharin and his work with the Israel dance company Batsheva. | 5pm. $19.99. Kimmel Center, 300 S. Broad St. kimmelcenter.org

MONDAY, JANUARY 30 FOOD

Center City Restaurant Week More than 120 restaurants will be serving three-course meals for $35 this week as part of Center City Restaurant Week. Enjoy meals at Aqimero, El Vez, Buddakhan, Osteria and more.

Many participating restaurants will also be offering a special three-course lunch for $20. Visit m.centercityphila. org for more info. | Jan. 29-Feb. 3. centercityphila.org

TUESDAY, JANUARY 31

PHILLYWEEKLY.COM

The 11th Hour Theatre Company brings the Lizzie Borden rock musical to Philadelphia with music by Steven Cheslik-Demeyer and Alan Stevens Hewitt. Borden was infamously tried and acquitted of the 1892 axe murders of her father and stepmother in Massachusetts. The circumstances of the murders continue to draw speculation now more than 100 years later. | Through Jan. 29. Christ Church Neighborhood House, 20 North American Street. 11thhourtheatrecompany.org

Participating performers include Evalina “Wally” Carbonell, Abigayle Cryderman, IIIsquared, Just Sole!

Street Dance Theater Company and more. | Jan. 28-29. $10. Koresh Dance Company, 2002 Rittenhouse Square. koreshdance.org

JANUARY 25 - FEBRUARY 1, 2017

troupe, music by Max Swan and You Do You; DJ Carl Michaels & DJ Sharyn Stone, and a headlining performance by Iris Spectre. ‘Get Pelted’ during the event’s infamous no-holdsbarred indoor snowball fight, and compete for prizes for most creative attire, pelts and jewels. | 7pm. BOK, 1901 S. Ninth St. briansandersjunk. com/snowball

DRINK

Uncorked: Wine Tasting Enjoy an evening of inspired tastings from Sofitel’s Liberte Lounge, Vinedrea Wines and Pinot Boutique. Guests will enjoy wine-inspired crafts and games while sampling a diverse selection of international and local wines. | 5-7pm.

Free. Market & Shops at Comcast Center, 1701 JFK Boulevard. themarketandshopsatcomcastcenter.com

STAGE

Last of the Red Hot Lovers A middle-aged man living in the 1960s wants to experience the sexual revolution before it’s too late. This all-new production of Neil Simon’s Last of the Red Hot Lovers stars Fran Prisco and Karen Peakes. Directed by Adam Immerwahr. | Through Feb. 5. $30-$35.

Walnut Street Theatre, 825 Walnut St. walnutstreettheatre.org 13

JANUARY 25 - FEBRUARY 1, 2017 PHILLYWEEKLY.COM

SAVAGE LOVE: DAN SAVAGE

ITMFA!

I

am quite the follower on social media—Facebook and Twitter in particular. I make no trolling comments, no #MAGA hashtags; I just look with my male gaze. Like Laura Mulvey says, the male gaze is only natural. I’ve lost interest in pornography, so I use everyday pictures of women, typically selďŹ es. It helps me to know the story behind the face and body. None of these pics are pornographic—just feel-good selďŹ es by young women posted on social media. I don’t communicate with these people, because that would be creepy. I’m not worried about whether this is abnormal. I just wondered if people would be okay with this, if people were aware of behavior like mine when they post, and if I should ask these girls for their permission to wank to their selďŹ es. —Not Anthony Weiner

So long as you’re wanking alone, wanking with a reasonable expectation of privacy, and not bothering anyone who isn’t a sex partner or a sex-advice professional with your wanking, NAW, you can wank to whatever you’d like—except for images of child rape, aka “child pornography.�

You remind me of the proverbial shoe salesman with a foot fetish. (Full disclosure: proverb of mine, not a proverb of Proverbs.) Let’s say a guy working in a high-end shoe store has an intense attraction to feet. Is it inappropriate for him to get an obvious boner while helping women try on shoes? Of course it is. It would also be inappropriate for him to drool or pant—and it would be super inappropriate of him to ask the women he’s serving if he can jack off about their feet after his shift. But if he can be completely professional, if he can go eight hours without giving off any signs of secret perving, that guy can (and probably should) sell shoes.

And he’s free to upload mental images to his spank bank for later—we’re all free to do so, NAW, and it’s only creepy if the people whose images we’re uploading/ repurposing are made aware that we’re uploading/repurposing them.

So in answer to your question, NAW, under no circumstances should you ask 14 the girls whose selďŹ es you’re wanking

to for their permission. People who post revealing pictures to social media—men and women—know they run the risk of their pics being wanked to by random strangers. But there’s a difference between knowing some stranger might be wanking to your pics and hearing from one of those wanking strangers.

If you saw a woman on the street that you thought was hot, you wouldn’t stop her to ask if you could wank about her later. You would no more ask a stranger that question than you would ash your penis at her because, NAW, it would constitute sexual harassment. (Promise me you wouldn’t do either of those things.)

A problem has cropped up for me ever since the reports of Donald Trump’s pissing on Russian hookers made the news. Every time someone on social media tries to make a comment about how disgusting that is, someone else jumps in and scolds that person for “kink shaming.â€? The problem for me is that by normalizing my piss fetish, you’re making it dull for me. Piss was one of the few things that even the kink community found disgusting. I now ďŹ nd myself looking for different porn because, eh, a lesbian pissing in the mouth of another lovely lady on a train platform? No big whoop anymore, it seems. My polyamorous boyfriend and I found each other without knowing we shared a love for piss. The one thing the piss porn I’ve been watching for half my life completely failed to capture is how goddamn amazing it is to embrace and make out with a person you love dearly while you’re both covered in each other’s piss.

If you personally don’t want to kink shame, that’s ďŹ ne. I get it. But everyone, please stop telling your friends not to kink shame so that my boyfriend and I can get back to the business of pissing on each other and feeling disgusting about it and horny because of it. —Pissed Off Slut Wife I have grappled with this same conundrum, POSW. If a kink is boner- or slicker-inducing to some precisely because it’s so transgressive and disgusting to most, efforts to normalize said kink—by shaming kink shamers, for instance—could piss away that kink’s power to induce all those boners and slickers. But I’m conďŹ dent that the kink shamers will continue to have the upper hand for decades to come, despite the best efforts of the kink-shamer shamers. So your kink will continue to induce enough revulsion and disgust generally to keep you and your boyfriend feeling disgusting and horny in perpetuity. „

THERE’S MORE SAVAGE LOVE! Read more at PHILLYWEEKLY.COM Ask a question: MAIL@SAVAGELOVE.NET

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717 COLUMBUS BLVD - UNIT 805 DOCKSIDE Open Sunday, January 29th, 2017 from 1:30 to 2:30 It truly doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t get any better than this one, an Upgraded Designerâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Unit. Youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll think your in a 5 Star Hotel with water views surround with every modern amenity - The incredible Conciergesâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; are at your ďŹ ngertips - The unbelievable Olympic size pool with state of the art health club + extra space to have your special occasion, Thanksgiving, Wedding, unbelievable. Just name it and I am sure this has it. Now, about the unit - North Facing - 852 Sq. ft - 1 full Suite with an incredible spa bath - A Kitchen a Chef would die for, 43 custom cabinets, sub-zero with designer front panel, glass backsplash, wine cooler, custom everything. A huge walk-in closet ďŹ tted by California Closets, 3/4 inch diagonally laid cherry ďŹ&#x201A;ooring throughout, exquisite designer lighting ďŹ xtures throughout, a generous size formal dining area, a stunning living room with full wall of glass overlooking the river + a separate door to access the private terrace. This unit has been custom built and rarely lived in. Pristine, beautiful condition, used as a Pieta-Terre. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a real ďŹ nd! Could also be purchased furnished.

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WEEKLY MORTGAGE RATES Presented by Prudential Savings Bank

30YR Fixed Rate Mortgage

Rate 4.375% APR 4.409% Rates as of January 23, 2017 10:00 AM. *APR= Annual Percentage Rate. Rates subject to change daily (including same day). For real time rates, please call 215-755-1500. The rate you receive may be higher based on credit score, mortgage loan-to-value ratio and other loan factors. Please call for Jumbo Rates (above $417,000). Subject to credit approval. Property insurance required. Loan to values from 80% to 97% require PMI (Private Mortgage Insurance).

Other costs and fees may apply. Monthly P&I payment of $1323.11 based on a $265,000.00 loan amount, 360-month term, assumed credit score of 740 & loan-to-value of 80%. *P&I= Principal and Interest. These payments do not include amounts for taxes and insurance premiums; actual payment will be greater. NMLS #518005

REAL

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The Damon Michels Team

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610.668.3400

â&#x20AC;&#x153;Specializing in MainLine & Center Cityâ&#x20AC;?

Damon Michels Damon@DamonMichels.com 265 Homes www.DamonMichels.com Sold in 2016

SHEFFIELD COURT

OLD 100% S 4 New construction Carriage homes starting at $599,000 4 beds/3.1 baths; 2 car garage; Open Floor plan with 2600+ Sq ft

MAIN LINE SUBURBS

The William Penn House - Center City Living!

CENTER CITY PHILA.

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JANUARY 25 - FEBRUARY 1, 2017

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