Philly Weekly 8-17-2016

8.18.16 - 8.24.16

PHILLY'S FIGHTER Eddie Alvarez talks about being UFC Champ

Mormon Temple Tour with a Twist Drum Like a Lady

Photo by: Maria Young

phillyweekly.com | August 18 -24, 2016 | Philly Weekly | 3

WEDnESDAY, AUgUST 17

IN THIS ISSUE:

4 PHILLY nOW What to do this week

SCREEn

12 nEWS

See “E.T.” from a new perspective with the latest installment in FringeArts’ outdoor movie series.

The 1982 Spielberg classic tells the story of Elliott, a young boy who befriends a stranded alien who needs help getting home.

Food and drink will be available for purchase from La Peg.

Outdoor Movie: E.T.

Mormons vs. Masons

14 SPORTS UFC champ Eddie Alvarez

16 MUSIC Drum Like a Lady

8pm. Free. Haas Biergarten, 140 N. Christopher Columbus Blvd. fringearts.com

18 TIMAREE’S BODY Indy Hall In Depth

MUSIC Philadelphia Orchard Project

19 SAVAgE LOVE All I Ever Wanted 20 REAL ESTATE 22 CLASSIFIED

CONNECT WITH US! Facebook: Philly Weekly Twitter: @phillyweekly

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WHAT TO DO In & AROUnD THE CITY • MORE AT PHILLYWEEKLY.COM Tell us about your upcoming events! Email info to managing editor Anastasia Barbalios at: events@phillyweekly.com

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Deidre Simms Director of Major Accounts Phone: 215.563.7400 ext 111 deidre@phillyweekly.com

Jacqueline Rupp Editor-in-Chief jacqueline@phillyweekly.com Twitter: @phillyjackie

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CELEBRATIOn

SustainPHL S

ustainability is a growing effort in Philadelphia and now the people involved in helping create a greener city, and earth, are being recognized for their contributions.

SustainPHL will distribute awards in sustainability categories, the first awards ceremony of its kind in Philadelphia.

Editor in Chief of Green Philly Blog, Julie Hancher, says SustainPHL came out of a desire to recognize the people and stories that Green Philly Blog had covered over the past eight years. A variety of people and organizations will be rewarded; Hancher says the nominees could be anyone from a community member to a local business to a government agency.

“We wanted to take a step back and reflect on how far our city has come from its ‘dirty’ reputation. I think each of the nominees are incredible and deserve an award,” Hancher says.

Awards for the ceremony were created by the Recycled Artists in Residency Program, another Philadelphia-based nonprofit that uses art and design to build awareness about sustainability issues in the community. There are 12 categories with 39 nominees total, including Activist of the Year and Sustainability Mentor.

Presentations will also be given at SustainPHL from Judy Wicks, a local entrepreneur, Christine Knapp, the Philadelphia Director of Sustainabil-

4 | Philly Weekly | August 18 -24, 2016 | phillyweekly.com

ity, and Brian Linton, founder of United by Blue, a brand that helps remove waste from the oceans with each purchase. These presenters will give a short talk about sustainability and will each announce the winners of four different categories.

“The sustainability community is doing incredible things across a wide range of impact,” says Hancher. Organizations like the Sustainable Business Network are trying to work with City Government to make owning a small business easier. Individuals like Sam Holloschutz organize cleanups in their neighborhood to connect community members and make an impact within their city blocks, and individuals like Ryan Harris of As I Plant This Seed, mentor atrisk youth,” Hancher says.

SustainPHL will also feature workshops for home brewing beer, DIY composting and recycling, as well as featuring a variety of food and drink from local businesses.

“We really want to create a fun event,” adds Hanchem, “where people connect, learn that sustainability is simple and easy to integrate into your life, and be inspired to create a change— whether large or small.” —VInCE BELLInO

Thurs., Aug. 18, 7pm. $65-90. WHYY, 150 Sixth St. sustainphl.com

Sittin’ In

“Sittin’ In,” the monthly jam session/dance party hybrid held at the Kimmel Center, is hosted this month by Melvis Santa, an upand-coming artist on the AfroCuban and Latin Jazz scenes.

Santa, whose 2012 album “Santa Habana” was met with critical acclaim, will be joined by Emcee Ciarra and The IllVibe Collective, a local DJ and production team.

8pm. Free. Kimmel Center, 300 S. Broad St. kimmelcenter.org

THURSDAY, AUgUST 18 DRI nK

Crafty Hour: naked and Afraid

Learn about Philadelphia’s most infamous artist, Thomas Eakins, while enjoying the summer weather. Sip on drink specials while you learn about Eakins’ “scandalous” life and his time at PAFA, and create a paper doll inspired by the artist’s antics. 5pm.

Free. PHS Viaduct Pop Up, 10th and Hamilton sts. pafa.org MUSIC

Philadelphia Folk Festival

The Philadelphia Folk Festival returns for its 55th year, holding its spot as the longest-running outdoor music festival in North America. This year’s festival features Los Lobos, The Wood Brothers, The Lone Bellow, and more, on eight stages over three days. Check out this recordbreaking festival for great music, chill vibes, and handcrafted goods from local artists. Aug 18-

21. Old Pool Farm, 1323 Salford Station Rd., Harleysville. pfs.org

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phillyweekly.com | August 18 -24, 2016 | Philly Weekly | 5

inferno as Jaime, LaBouche as Cersei Photo by dave Parrish Photography

Friday, august 19 stagE

Burlesque is Coming

Burlesque meets comedy meets Game of Thrones?

This hit touring show, based on “A Song of Ice and Fire” books and personally blessed by author George R. R. Martin himself, comes to Philadelphia to entertain both diehard fans and those who have managed to avoid watching the popular HBO series. Watch the scenes and characters come to life in a way you couldn’t have ever imagined. 9pm. $15-1$8. World Cafe

Live, 3025 Walnut St. worldcafelive.com driNK

Crafts with a Kick

Immerse yourself in the beauty of Philadelphia’s iconic Magic Gardens with this exclusive event meant to kickstart your creativity. Sip on some complimentary wine while crafting a suncatcher to bring home, and take some time to explore the gardens without the regular crowds. This event also allows access to certain areas of the gardens typically off-limits to the public. 6pm.

$20–$55. Philadelphia Magic Gardens, 1020 South St. phillymagicgardens.org stagE

“showtune” at Penn’s Landing Playhouse

“Showtune,” the acclaimed Off-Broadway production that premiered in 1985, celebrates the work of Broadway composer Jerry Herman, who wrote the music for famous Broadway shows such as Hello, Dolly! and Mame.

Herman’s optimistic songs are the backbone of this musical revue, which is bringing its upbeat message to Penn’s Landing through August 21. 8pm. $45-$65.

Penn’s Landing Playhouse, 211 S. Columbus Blvd. plplayhouse.com 6 | Philly Weekly | August 18 -24, 2016 | phillyweekly.com

stagE

gayFest! the Bang group in “stuck on you”

New York’s The Bang Group is back for two nights, bringing their unique performance style to GayFest! for the third time. The Bang Group will perform old favorites, including their famous “Slapstuck,” as well as a variety of new works that address romance and humor from “a distinctly queer perspective.” August 18-19. 7pm.

$12.50-25. Louis Bluver Theatre at The Drake, 1512 Spruce Street. quinceproductions.com FiLM

Mustard seed Film Festival

The brainchild of Natasha Cohen-Carroll and Hariprasad Kowtha, the Mustard Seed Film Festival aims to bring more films focusing on or made in South Asia to the Philadelphia area. The screenings will focus on themes specific to the South Asian experience and have been develped by predominantly South Asian teams. Several films will be shown over the course of the weekend, each focusing on a different aspect of South Asian culture.

Aug 19-20. $8-$15. Various times and locations. mustardseedfilmfest.org driNK

Evil genius Pop up Brew garden

Swing by Evil Genius Beer Company Garden this weekend for drinks, games and movies to raise money for Food Moxie, an organization which strives to encourage and empower children and families through urban agriculture. Throughout the weekend you can catch live music under the El, celebrate Evil Genius’ new Fishtown location, play life-size Jenga, watch Wedding Crashers and, of course, have a drink! August 19-21. Various times.

1727 N. Front St. evilgeniusbeer.com

driNK

Pennsylvania sour Beer Weekend

This weekend brings the seventh SourFest to a close. Focusing on intentionally sour beers, the festival celebrates these unique drinks with a wide variety to sample. The last night of the festival brings things home with a focus on exclusively local beers from Free Will, Yards, and more. Devil’s Den, 1148 S. Eleventh St. devilsdenphilly.com

autHOr

Ed Hamilton

Ed Hamilton, author of “Legends of the Chelsea Hotel,” will be in Philadelphia promoting his new book, “The Chintz Age: Tales of Love and Loss for a New New York.”

This collection of short stories tells the tale of the art that molded New York City, but also questions the future of the city, where it is getting harder to be an artist. The book features seven stories and a novella. Hamilton will read from “The Chintz Age,” and will be available for signings. 6pm. Free. Philly AIDS Thrift at Giovanni’s Room,

345 S. 12th St. phillyaidsthriftatgiovannisroom.com FiLM

the secret Cinema: BOOM!

“Boom!” is a 1968 movie starring Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton, based on Tennessee Williams’ play The Milk Train Doesn’t Stop Here Anymore. The movie, about a terminally ill woman and a man who may or may not be the angel of death, was panned by critics but has since become viewed as a cult classic. Prior to the film, film historian Richard Barrios will host a lecture. Proceeds from the event will benefit the AIDS Law Project of Pennsylvania. Like all Secret Cinema showings, the movie will be presented on 16mm film.

6pm. $20-$25. William Way Community Center, 1315 Spruce St. thesecretcinema.com

phillyweekly.com | August 18 -24, 2016 | Philly Weekly | 7

SATURDAY, AUGUST 20 OUTDOOR S

portunity to participate in fun challenges, games, and skits. 12pm. $35-$95. Helium Comedy Club, 2031 Sansom

The annual Festival of India returns for its 21st year.

Celebrate India’s Independence Day and the local Indian community with art, music, food, dancing, and more. 1pm-6pm. Free. Great Plaza at Penn’s Landing,

St. philadelphia.heliumcomedy.com OUTDOORS

Theater, 250 S. Broad St. kimmelcenter.org

Chestnut St. & Columbus Blvd. indiacouncil.org

Experience history brought to life at Fort Mifflin’s annual Pirate Day. With pirates, British soldiers, a scavenger hunt, live music from the Sea Dogs, and more, this day is sure to be full of excitement. 10am-4pm. $6-$8.

KIDS

Festival of India

COMEDY

The Merrell Twins Live

YouTube stars and identical twins Veronica and Vanessa Merrell want to meet you. As part of their meet and greet tour, Veronica and Vanessa will be giving fans a chance to see and interact with them live and in person.

With the purchase of a ticket, you’re guaranteed a selfie and an autograph; however, there will also be the op-

Pirate Day

Fort Mifflin and Hog Island Roads. fortmifflin.us STAGE

Nick Offerman and Megan Mullally

Get a hilarious, honest look into the marriage of actor/ comedian Nick Offerman (Parks and Recreation, Fargo)

and actress/singer Megan Mullally (Will & Grace, Childrens Hospital) for one night only. Hear all about their adventures in “Summer of 69: No Apostrophe” through a collection of music, stand-up, and more 8pm. Merriam

Star Wars Weekend

Don your best jedi robes or Stormtrooper costumes, grab your lightsaber, and head down to the Please Touch Museum to meet your favorite Star Wars characters. Alongside other fans of the franchise, you’ll learn the skills necessary to operate a life-size R2D2 unit with a remote control, learn about space, and, of course, explore the world of Star Wars. 12pm. $17. Memorial Hall,

4231 Avenue of the Republic. pleasetouchmuseum.org

SUNDAY, AUGUST 21 FOOD AN D D R I N K

The Ultimate Summer Cookout

Experience the best of summer food, drinks, and fun at the Ultimate Summer Cookout. With lawn games, a sand pit, a water slide, a zip line, and a slip n’ slide, there’s a way for everyone to beat the heat! Take your choice from the several food and drinks vendors, and jam to music provided by the DJs from Creep Records and the West Philadelphia Orchestra. Grab a burger from Wahlburgers’ new Philly location, get your Mexican fix from El Camino Real, or try something new with Apricot Stone’s Armenian cuisine; these are only a few of the many Commons restaurants opening their doors during the Cookout, so if none of them fit your taste, don’t worry, there’s something for everyone!

And if you’re looking for a sweet treat, head over to the Sweet Lavender or D’Emilio’s Old World Ice Treats food trucks, both cruising by during the event. Noon-5pm.

Free. The Piazza at Schmidt’s Commons, 1001 N. 2nd St. theschmidtscommons.com -ANGELA CHRISTALDI TOUR

Trolley Tour Along the Schuylkill

Hop on a double-decker trolley and see Philly in a new light. Hosted by the Philadelphia Museum of Art, this tour allows guests to experience the lifestyle of the elite former owners of Lemon Hill, Strawberry Mansion, and Woodford through exploring the architecture and historical contexts. 1pm. $30–38. 2600 Benjamin Franklin

Parkway. philadelphiacfa.org EVENT

Philadelphia Podcast Festival

The Philadelphia Podcast Festival celebrates its fourth year, and will be hosting more than 30 podcasts over the course of the nine-day festival. Recording live at Tattooed Mom, Amalgam Comics & Coffeehouse, Moonshine Philly, and Art Church, the podcasts focus on everything from sports to veganism and everything in between. August 19-28. Various locations and times.

phillypodfest.com COMEDY

Fishtown Premium

Described as “champagne comedy on a beer budget,” 8 | Philly Weekly | August 18 -24, 2016 | phillyweekly.com

Ultimate Summer Cookout

Fishtown Premium features Comedy Central’s Sean Donnelly as the headliner; other performers include OddBall Comedy Festival’s Luchana Gatica, and Rus Gutin from Comedy Records. 7:30pm. $15. Punch Line

Philly, 33 E. Laurel St. punchlinephilly.com F ESTIVAL

PECO’s Multicultural Series: Caribbean Festival

Didn’t have an opportunity to get a taste of the island life this summer? Satisfy your need to get away by celebrating island culture at the 30th Annual Caribbean Festival. Fourteen countries will offer music, food, and more in a day-long celebration of their cultures. 12pm.

Free. The Great Plaza, Penn’s Landing, Columbus Blvd. at Chestnut St. phillycaribbeanfestival.com FESTIVAL

Obon Festival

The fourth annual Obon Festival, presented by Japan America Society of Greater Philadelphia, promotes the cultural aspects that are a part of the Japanese way of life. Activities include a participatory Bon Odori circle dance, taiko drumming, traditional Japanese tea, Origami, wind chime and fan making, as well as Kimono

dressing. 11am. Free. Shofuso Japanese House, Lansd-

owne Dr. and Horticultural Dr. japanesehouse.org STAGE

Rich Guzzi

A self-described “comedian that does hypnosis,” Brooklyn native Rich Guzzi is bringing his interactive XXXtreme Comedy Hypnosis show to the City of Brotherly Love. Prepare to be amazed as Guzzi hypnotizes volunteers from the crowd, and watch as they act out dangerously funny scenes imagined by Guzzi for your enjoyment. 7:30pm. $15. Helium Comedy Club, 2031

Sansom St. philadelphia.heliumcomedy.com FILM

The HG Lewis Gore-A-Thon

The legendary writer, producer, and director Herschel Gordon Lewis changed the game when he released the first gore film, 1963’s horror comedy Blood Feast. Lewis even earned the nickname, “The Godfather of Gore” due to his reputation for directing some of most popular gore films. Lewis, now 87, will speak about his long and successful career, and five of his most innovative films will be shown. 2pm. $25-$30. International House Phila-

delphia, 3701 Chestnut St. ihousephilly.org

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tasteofphilly.upcomingevents.com/pwweb November 16 | 6-9PM | Crystal Tea Room Pantone 295

100 E Penn Square, Philadelphia, PA

phillyweekly.com | August 18 -24, 2016 | Philly Weekly | 9

T

O

A S

T

O

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MondAy, AuGuST 22 TALK

Flesh & Bone: nicole Angemi’s Birthday Bash

Pathology assistant and tattoo enthusiast Nicole Angemi will join forensic anthropologist and Mütter Museum curator Anna Dhody for a comedic chat on all the lies Hollywood tells to anyone who will watch. Learn about why popular shows like CSI and Bones are actually nothing compared to the people doing these jobs in real life, see Anna and Nicole in action, and much more. After the discussion, enjoy a reception and explore the Mütter Museum’s extensive collections. 6:30pm. $15-$35. 19 S. 22 St. muttermuseum.org

TuESdAy, AuGuST 23 STAGE

GayFest! Wolves

Photo by John donges

Part of GayFest!, Wolves follows a timid young man named Ben, who loses it when his roommate, Jack, brings home a big bad wolf for a one-night stand. Ben attempts to rescue his roommate, but sets off a dangerous chain of events that will alter their world completely.

6:30pm. $25. Louis Bluver Theatre at The Drake, 1512 Spruce St. quinceproductions.com STAGE

First Person Arts StorySlam

StorySlam is a one-of a kind event that allows people to get up on stage and tell their best stories. Formatted in a competition setting, storytellers are invited to share five minutes of their life in front of an audience who, hopefully, enjoys a well-told story. This month’s theme is DIY, so head to L’Etage to hear what are sure to be some interesting stories about forays into the world of do-it-yourself. 8:30pm. $8-$15. L’Etage, 624 S. 6th St.

firstpersonarts.org

WEdnESdAy, AuGuST 24 STAGE

Murder Mystery Comedy Show: The newly dead Game

A hilarious whodunnit will make your Wednesday night so much better. This murder mystery takes place during the taping of the popular (fictional) game show Clash of the Couples, a show where couples compete for money and prizes. Some guests will get to play parts in the show and all guests will be able to guess who the murderer could be. The show is written and performed by professional stand up comedians Rob Maher and Tommy Sinbazo from Die Laughing Productions. 8pm. $20. Helium Comedy Club, 2031 Sansom St.

philadelphia.heliumcomedy.com ouTdooRS

Plein Air Paint Party

Enjoy the late summer night at Morris Arboretum. Let your creativity flow, and paint a landscape inspired by the Arboretum’s trees. Painting materials and professional guidance will be provided, but bring your own food and drinks. 5:30pm-7:30pm. $30-35. Morris Ar-

boretum of the University of Pennsylvania, 100 E. Northwestern Avenue. morrisarboretum.com STAGE

GayFest! MMF

The Philadelphia premiere of David L. Kimple’s latest play, this production focuses on the intricacies of polyamory, while also showcasing the ins and outs of relationships that everyone faces. 7pm. $25. Through Aug. 27. Louis Bluver Theatre at The Drake, 1512 Spruce St.

quinceproductions.com 10 | Philly Weekly | August 18 -24, 2016 | phillyweekly.com

NAZARETH ACADEMY GRADE SCHOOL

OUR MISSION IS FAMILY

75 Years of Catholic Education for boys and girls in Grades 1- 8 • Middle States Accredited Since 1981 • Innovative Technology Program • Academic Program enhanced with Chromebooks for each student in Gr. 4 - 8 • Accelerated Math for Grades 4 - 8 • Accelerated ELA for Grades 6 - 8 • Spanish in all grades & Latin in Grades 6 - 8 • Fully equipped Science Lab • After-School Clubs for Grades 1 - 8 • First Place in Jr. National Forensics League among 17 Archdiocesan & Public Schools Dedicated and caring Administration, Faculty and Staff Outstanding Parent Association Phenomenal Music Program • Choir • Hand bell • Choir Chimes

Lessons Available • Piano • Violin • Guitar • Full Orchestra • Annual Theater Presentation

We are proud of our many 2015-2016 Accomplishments!

Here are just a few: ~ $375,400 in High School Scholarships awarded to the Class of 2016! ~ First Place Reading Olympics for 5th & 6th Grade Competition ~ First Place in 6th Grade in Holy Ghost Prep/Nazareth Academy High School Math Competition ~ Awards in the George Washington Carver Science Fair

Athletic Program Soccer • Basketball • Lacrosse • Baseball Swimming • Track & Field • Softball CORA Services • Free Philadelphia and Township Busing • 7 AM FREE Drop-Off & After School Program @ Alpha House Service Projects Demonstrate “Faith in Action, Rooted in Catholic Values”

4701 GRANT AVENUE, PHILADELPHIA, PA 19114 Contact: Mrs. Rovnan at 215-637-7777, ext. 200 www.nazarethacademy.net

phillyweekly.com | August 18 -24, 2016 | Philly Weekly | 11

ben Franklin at Masonic Temple

NeWs | by JacqueliNe rupp @PhillyJackie

Mormon v. Mason Touring two quirky members-only temples in Philly

W

ith the opening this summer of the new Temple of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints on Vine Street, Philly conspiracy theorists finally have the showdown they’ve been waiting for, for just a few blocks east stands the city’s other great tribute to ritualistic secrecy: the Right Worshipful Grand Lodge of the Most Ancient and Honorable Fraternity of Free and Accepted Masons of Pennsylvania That’s right: It’s the Mormons vs. the Masons.

We took tours of both to see how they stack up.

For starters, there are actually many similarities between these two groups.

Sure, Mormons are way more focused on Jesus, but both groups are pretty secretive on what goes on inside the temples once the tour groups are gone. They both refer to fellow members as “brother” (the Masons are a straight up fraternity, so they don’t really mention “sisters” much; and although there are “sister” references, women pretty much get the short end of the stick among the Latter Day Saints).

And they’ve both modeled their temples after King Solomon’s of ancient times.

The Tours

The Mormon Temple is open to the public only through Sept. 9. After that, it’s

closed to all non-members. The tour actually starts across the street at a way less-fancy building where teenage volunteers are stationed at every door ready to welcome you with a big smile (who needs automatic doors when you reproduce like the Mormons?). The chapel looks more like a new condo’s recreation center than a grand temple. Pre-tour prep involves sitting in what could be any rando community college’s classroom and watching a video introduction to the Church of Latter Day Saints.

The main idea the smiling people in the video seem to make is that Mormons believe families stay together after death.

That’s right, there is no escape from your nutty in-laws. But seriously, imagine how differently you’d plan out your life, knowing you’re stuck with these people forever.

The tour at the Masonic Temple, on Broad Street just north of City Hall, begins in the Ben Franklin room. It’s a huge hall with sweeping high ceilings, large portraits of past grand masters (Flash being glaringly missing) and giant gold doors that you, too, would be scared to touch. (Rule of thumb: if a door is more than twice my height, I don’t feel right opening it). Each weighs one ton, temple tour guide Dean told us, adding with a swipe of his laser pointer that each door swivels on a single pin

12 | Philly Weekly | August 18 -24, 2016 | phillyweekly.com

rooftop garden at Mormon Temple

and has not needed adjustment in 150 years. “Yet you can push them open with one finger.”

Mormons, 1 point for non-angsty teens; Masons, 2 points for cool-as-shit doors.

The Decor

The grand halls of the Masonic temple and the meeting rooms in the Mormon temple are eerily similar. Each has cushy chairs and benches around the perimeter and an altar in the center. The most notable difference is the huge ceilings in the Masonic temple, compared to the bedroomlike accommodations of the Mormons.

(Oops, did I say “bedroom” and “Mormon” in the same sentence?) Oh, and the Masons win on extravagance. Yes, the Mormons imported their tile and marble and have some pretty opulent architecture.

But each hall in the Masonic temple has a

different theme, from the Egyptian room that looks like it could’ve been decorated by a pharaoh to the Greek coliseum-ish hall and the Norman old English looking fit for Henry V. The Mormons went with an Oskar Huber Federalist look, furniture that your well-off aunt still won’t let you sit on at her place.

Mormons, 1 point for having better furniture than me; Masons, 3 points for being the master of plaster (the oak, the stone, the egyptian sculptures—all are actually made with plaster.)

big spaces

The Masons have cool features like a grand hallway that has an electronic night’s sky (to replace the original glass-plated ceiling that let in natural light before electricity). The Masons are big on lighting, with 5,000 light bulbs throughout the temple.

Even some of the windows that appear to

have daylight beaming through are really just walls of fluorescent lighting. The Mormons? Well they’re pretty big on lighting too, but mostly in the form of large chandeliers, the biggest of which hangs in the Celestial Room, an open and airy living room that’s used for mediation. Think Sunday brunch at XIX on Broad Street and you’re on the right track. During the tour, we were instructed to sit here for a while and quietly reflect on life and our purpose. That doesn’t sound too bad, but the moment quickly became very awkward. A group of strangers sit around facing one another on federalist furniture that’s way too nice to even be sitting on. The kids in the room don’t really want to sit still and everyone else is faking a pensive look while, I’m guessing, they’re feeling as socially uncomfortable and anxious as I am.

Mormons, 0 points for middle school flashbacks; Masons, 1 point for lighting up the night.

The ArTwork

Both temples are big on portraits. In the Knights Templar hall—yes there’s actually a Knights Templar hall at the Masonic temple—are portraits of guys in insanely absurd hats that make them look beyond important. How much you want to channel Nicolas Cage in National Treasure is up to you, but expect some tingles. The Mormons? They’ve got Jesus. And it’s not Holy Jesus of Renaissance portraits or Cuddly Pastel Jesus on Acme candles. I think of Mormon Jesus as Bro Jesus. He’s even more bro than Philly Jesus. In these paintings, He’s extremely Anglo with a bit of an attitude, a cocky grin that leaves no doubt you’re looking at the Son of God. For the record, the Masons are non-denominational—except when it comes to atheists.

You have to believe in a higher power in order to be a Mason.

Mormons, 2 points for Bro Jesus; Masons, 0 points for big hats.

The SecreTS

Though the tours diminish some of the mystery surrounding each group, fear not: There are still some unexplored areas of both temples leaving much to the imagination. The biggest surprise is that the Mormon temple has no main cathedral, but rather many, many smaller “instruction rooms.” Which leads to lots and lots of hallways. Around every turn during our tour through the temple, we were met by smiling ushers, some who just stood randomly in halls, but others who stood guard in doorways. Each hall led to numerous other hallways, and each of those sure enough had a smiling young Mormon waiting to greet you. What was behind those doors?

Do the Mormons have more to hide here than the Masons?

As for the Masons, they seem to thrive on their secret-keeping and the public’s curiosity. When Dean revealed that we would

The egyptian room at Masonic Temple

not be touring floors four and five (because they were for maintenance supplies and storage) it was just the bait needed to let imaginations run wild. What really is on the Mysterious Fourth Floor?

Mormons, 1 point for security with a smile; Masons, 1 point for not needing to rent a storage unit.

The STATueS

The Mason tour ends at the Grand Banquet Hall, a starkly white-columned room that stands in glowing contrast to the intricate colorful designs of all the others. Stained glass portraits of presidents who were also Masons only add to the conspiracy obsession. That stained glass Harry Truman?

Badass. And speaking of, there’s a freaking Enormous Benjamin Franklin here. I had no idea the Masons were such fanboys for Ben, but he’s everywhere in this place.

Standing 13 feet tall, and weighing three tons, the bronze statue is only made more impressive by news from Dean that the Masons are relaxing their laws and allowing alcohol to be served in their traditionally dry event hall. Now you, too, can party with Ben. The Mormon’s have their own statue.

Although not as tall, the Jesus statue is the centerpiece of the visitor’s center building adjacent to the temple. It looks similar to the Christ the Redeemer we’ve all been seeing lots of from Rio, but this one has a major nip/pec slip purposely happening.

Jesus is jacked but, sorry fans, he’s a nondrinker in this realm.

Mormons, 1 point for relaxing the modest dress rules for Jesus; Masons 1 point for a really big Ben, and an extra 1 point for beer.

The FinAl JudgMenT

The Mormon Open House tours are running only until mid-September, when the temple is dedicated to God and closed to the public. Go now, if for no other reason than to see the Baptismal Font. During our tour, we shuffled our bootie-covered feet (yes, they made us all wear booties like we were in an Intel clean room) into this glowing round room of tile and glass. A Chris Hemsworth-looking guy in a suit stood by the glass and iron rails surrounding what looks like a glistening jacuzzi floating in midair in the center of the room.

This is now my current vision of what heaven must resemble.

The baptismal font is reserved for dead ancestors. Luckily, this doesn’t involve any grave digging. In Mormon tradition living followers can be baptized for a deceased relative. Noting the size of many Mormon families, I begin to get the sense that one could get to spending a lot of time in this pool, saving souls.

Stained glass harry Truman at Masonic Temple

Shoe covers are required at Mormon Temple Bro Jesus at Mormon Temple

Mormons, 1 point for uber-attractive tour guides; Masons, 0 points for not having a hot tub soul-saving time machine. phillyweekly.com | August 18 -24, 2016 | Philly Weekly | 13

SPORTS | by JOE MASON

PHOTOS by MARIA yOUNG

Philly’s Fighter UFC Champion Eddie Alvarez

I

n some ways, nothing is the same.

Ever since Eddie Alvarez peppered Rafael dos Anjos with lefts, rights and a flying knee to secure the Ultimate Fighting Championship, the Northeast Philly (Morrell Park to be exact) resident’s life has completely changed.

When you’re the top fighter in the most prestigious organization at arguably the best weight class (lightweight), business picks up.

You get interviewed on SportsCenter.

You get followed by TMZ. You can’t go anywhere without posing for a selfie with adoring fans.

You see your already-impressive social media numbers skyrocket.

But when you’re a North Catholic kid from Kensington who never forgets his roots, you make sure things around you might change, but you stay the same person. And the new perks that come along with being the best in the world, you enjoy them but stay grounded.

“I fly first class now, but other than that, not much has changed at all,” says a smiling Alvarez while eating lunch at the Chickie’s and Pete’s in South Philadelphia, a few hours before the place packs for a rally in his honor. “I’m the same guy.

Not much has changed at all.”

“When I won the fight, I talked to my 8-year-old son and he said, ‘We’re rich.’

So he was ready to change, but I wasn’t.”

Alvarez can’t change.

His attitude, work ethic and desire to be the absolute best in the world is what has helped him strap that belt around his waist. That’s an honor every fighter strives for, and once they do, they like to celebrate. Alvarez? Not so much.

“I never look at what I accomplish and enjoy it,” he says. “It’s a blessing and a curse. Years from now, will I look back and enjoy all this? No, that’s not who I am. I’m always looking forward and looking at the next thing. “Even the belt, I love that I won it, but I only take it out for things like (promotional appearances). When I’m at home, I put it in a container and pack it away like it’s a Christmas decoration.”

That’s the focus that made Alvarez a champion.

During his days at North Catholic, the 32-year-old was a tough running back for the Falcons football team, but his primary sport was wrestling. Just as he did in UFC, Alvarez found great success on the mats, helping North win three Catholic League championships during his career.

Upon graduation, Alvarez had opportunities to wrestle in college, but after weighing his options, he decided to work as a laborer. The competitive fire still burned, and that’s how he found mixed martial arts.

He threw himself completely into the sport, and relied on the grappling abilities he learned at North and his streetfighter mentality. Eventually, he learned the other nuances of his new sport and within a few months of his training, he was ready for his first fight.

When the bell sounded, he was a natural. But before the fight, he was a bundle of nerves.

“It was terrible, I was about to blackout,” Alvarez recalls. “Now, I know what I’m doing. I’ve been through it. But the first couple of times, especially the first time, I was nervous. It wasn’t good at all.”

Still, from day one, Alvarez had a lot of support. And his fans have always shown their true colors.

“My first fight in Atlantic City, my fans got a cheese bus, got a keg and came down to watch,” Alvarez proudly says.

“And they all have shirts. I’ve had them from the start. The first one was blue, baby blue, and everyone wore them.”

For his most recent fight, Alvarez’s crew donned red shirts that read Underground King, with the name plate ALVAREZ across the shoulders, resembling the tattoo on the fighter’s back.

When he knocked out dos Anjos, the MGM Grand Garden Arena in Las Vegas was full of the shirts draped across the backs of fans who were screaming their heads off in support of the challenger.

It worked.

“My fans are great,” Alvarez says. “A lot of them have been with me from the start. There’s people who will Tweet me with pictures of their closet with all of my shirts. It’s great. They always want the Alvarez across the back.”

If Alvarez gets his way, it won’t be long before he’s able to get another shirt made.

UFC 202, which is Aug. 20, features Nate Diaz against Conor McGregor in a highly anticipated rematch from a March fight that saw Diaz win. These two are among the most popular fighters in UFC, and the winner will be highly celebrated.

He’ll also be the hunted.

“I’m shooting to fight the winner of (Diaz-McGregor) in November at Madison Square Garden,” Alvarez says. “I don’t

14 | Philly Weekly | August 18 -24, 2016 | phillyweekly.com

think we’ll mind going to New York, taking it over. It’s not far from Philly. That’s my goal, to make that my next fight.”

That’s the next challenge. During his career, Alvarez has been crossing them off like crazy.

He’s won 24 of his 32 career fights, but prior to 2014, all of his wins were in other federations. That’s where the Underground King nickname came from. Alvarez supporters would loudly boast that their guy was the best in the world, but until he found success in the UFC, it was tough to validate that.

Then came his first fight in UFC, where he lost a close one to Donald Cerrone.

With an 0-1 record, Alvarez went to battle against Gilbert Melendez. In the first round of that fight, Melendez belted Alvarez in the eye. Between rounds, Alvarez blew his nose. That was a bad idea— he had suffered a broken orbital bone, and the pressure from blowing the nose closed his eye.

That’s when the Philly came out of Alvarez, and he went into survival mode. He won the second and third rounds, which gave him the fight.

Next, he bested Anthony Pettis, which earned him the title fight.

Finally, in his fourth UFC fight, and the fourth time he went into a fight as the underdog, Alvarez was able to show the world, he didn’t just belong in UFC. He was the best UFC had to offer.

“It’s not just me, it’s all my trainers,” Alvarez says. “They have me so prepared.

“When I go out there, I try not to feel anything, I try to feel no emotion and I try not to think,” Alvarez says. “I do all my thinking when I’m training. By the time I’m in there, I shouldn’t have to think at all. It should be all instinct. When I get in there, it’s like a lightswitch, I just turn it on.”

The warrior instinct is what carried Alvarez to a lot of his success, but it’s not his strongest instinct—not by a long shot. That would be his paternal instinct, which is what drives him more than anything else.

It’s not about fame, it’s not about fortune and it’s certainly not about belts or celebrating. It’s about being able to care for his wife Jamie LeAnn, a St. Hubert grad, and his children—sons Edward, 11, Anthony, 8 and Alister, 6, and daughter Aniston, 2.

“I want them to grow up to be great men, so if I want them to do it, I have to do it,” he says proudly.

“Our girl runs the house, we do what she tells us,” he says of Aniston. “She’s in gymnastics. She takes after me and her mom. She [Jamie] is a great athlete. She does spinning class and runs a lot. We work out together, she’s a great athlete.”

She also has great lungs.

When Alvarez is in the cage, you might have a hard time hearing the commentators because Jamie is cageside screaming as long as she can. Remember when Alvarez said he didn’t think while in the cage? Well, he certainly can hear.

“It definitely motivates me, I love it,” he says. “I fight for my family. If you notice, a lot of the guys who don’t have families, they lose their focus. I’m fighting so my kids can have a better life. I want them to go to college. I’m fighting for them.

“They are all the motivation I need, my wife and children. They’re why I do what I do, and that’s what keeps me fighting.

That’s what keeps me focused.”

See? He might have a big gold belt to carry around and he might have millions of fans who are clamoring to see him knock out his next foe.

Things have changed for Eddie Alvarez.

But Eddie Alvarez is exactly the same. n phillyweekly.com | August 18 -24, 2016 | Philly Weekly | 15

MUSIC | by JACK FIRNENO

Drum Like a Lady Female drummers own the spotlight at this jam.

L

aTreice Branson didn’t buy the drums she uses most. Among her few purchases is the Bumblebee, her yellow drum kit. But, on this Sunday afternoon it sat disassembled in the front downstairs room of her Mantua house after a rare four-hour kit gig the night before.

Upstairs in her living room, Branson sits on a couch surrounded by hanging tomato plants, artwork on the wall, cans of Playdoh on a shelf, and the hand percussion she plays much more often.

The standouts are the Matador LP conga emblazoned with the Puerto Rican flag and solid-blue Patato LP conga with a handle.

After that, there’s a paloma drum and a two djembes.

“Everything was given to me, and blessed into my life,” she explains.

A member of her church had a djembe in her basement and gifted it to her. The paloma and other djembe, both from West Africa, came to her in a similar fashion: a fellow Philly drummer. She picked up the Matador from a pair of brothers who taught her about congas, and got its companion from a Latin drummer who traded it for some of Branson’s own artwork.

But their journeys haven’t ended in Branson’s living room. Even just here, they’re used by her students: kids as young as four; women in their 40s; everyone in between. And when they leave, they go to exciting places: Occasional pick-up gigs around the city, friends’ drum rooms, a political rally, even.

But most often, they go every third Friday of the month to Dahlak Paradise, the Ethiopian restaurant, bar and hookah lounge at 47th and Baltimore in Cedar Park. Home to Drum Like a Lady, Branson’s jam sessions put female drummers front and center.

“For women, we would go out to jam sessions and it was like, there were all these questions you had to answer,” says Branson. “Like, ‘Hey man, can I play your kit?’ and it’s ‘OK, how long you been playing?

Who taught you? OK, … so you know how to play this?’ After a while I noticed I wasn’t even trying to play. And I started thinking, do these other women feel the same way?”

The jam session, which she refers to as a “collaborative nightlife scene,” celebrates its one-year anniversary this Friday. It operates on a simple premise: Each one features a different female percussionist, while any other musicians can join in. The ladies get priority here, but other than that, it’s anything goes.

It’s already attracted around two dozen professional female drummers, all from

within the city limits, and often pack the room with listeners. There’s no set list or even songs, just free-form improv. Almost none of the musicians had met before sitting down together, but they play like they’ve known each other for decades.

Despite playing in different lineups, at the least, there seems to be a common thread among the players at any given month.

And, at the least, that thread is Branson herself, leading often with her bright blue, Puerto Rican-flagged congas. Maybe there’s another woman at the Bumblebee, and others on their own percussion or a second set. They explore funk grooves with adventurously broken-up, syncopated beats, or start out with basic patterns that sound miles away from rock, blues or jazz but are universal enough to be built up into these styles.

Branson herself is a subtle torrent of tones and rhythms. At first blush, there’s not a lot of variation in her playing, but if she’s one to stay put somewhere she’s also one to explore everything within reach.

She pulls a wide variety of sounds from the congas, seemingly by just gliding her hands over the heads, and digs into polyrhythms—imagine the musical equivalent of counting your three and eight times tables simultaneously—without sacrificing groove.

She connects her experience conducting the jams with the book The Music Lesson by renowned bassist Victor Wooten.

It’s subtitle, A Spiritual Search for Growth Through Music, is probably just as important.

Before Branson held court at Dahlak Paradise, she taught photography and graphic design at The Ohio University, where she got her MFA, and later at Cheyney University in Philadelphia. Well before that, she learned to play drums from her mother, who had her daughter and friends practice rudiments on phone books before they could play her set.

She developed ideas about tone: hitting the inside rather than the cover produced a different sound, for instance, as did turning to different pages. As passionate as she became, however, playing drums wasn’t much of a career option.

Branson suffers from peripheral neuropathy, which manifests in numbness and pain in her feet and legs, and a disorder that allows her femur to dislocate easily into her pelvis. Even today, she has to spread out her performances to avoid over-exertions, and often leaves a venue walking with a cane.

But drumming still influenced her career, where she would sometimes dra-

16 | Philly Weekly | August 18 -24, 2016 | phillyweekly.com

matically push herself across a classroom in a scooter for comedic effect. Her own exhibits often featured herself and other drummers.

“I was trying to introduce the idea of musicians as fine artists, instead of the fine artist having to be separate from the musician,” Branson recalls.

She moved back to Philadelphia in 2009, but other problems, like anxiety and bipolar disorder, came to a head at work and eventually cost Branson her job. As debilitating as that was, and as limiting as her physical capabilities can be, in their ways they essentially cleared the path for Drum Like a Lady to take form.

“Now, when people ask me what I do, I tell them I run jam sessions,” she says.

Not being able to keep a heavy schedule precludes Branson from bands or touring, but allows her to make connections with more people around her. She has a network of friends and drummers, knows drum rooms she can go to almost anytime to jam, and keeps a third-floor room open at her home for fellow female drummers who need a place to teach.

“If there’s ever a chance for a woman to teach, especially for another woman to drum, I don’t think they should ever have to sacrifice that because they don’t have a space,” she says.

Her own lessons are as much about positivity as they are percussion, for herself and others. “We believe that every person came out of a drummer, and that drummer was your mother. And your mother was drumming that heartbeat into you for nine months,” she explains. “It sustained you, and when we’re born that’s what we want to be close to again.”

Now, she teaches people especially her

younger, special-needs students, to feel their heartbeat before, during and after playing. It helps them understand how they can control their pace, and feelings, and it’s a strategy she formed herself, fusing music and therapy.

“Sometimes people catch me drumming on my lap, and it’s not because I’m trying to come up with a brilliant beat,” she laughs. “I’m trying to calm myself, and if I can get that beat a little slower, get the fast stuff out, I can regulate.”

Meanwhile, Drum Like a Lady continues to pick up. Branson gets invitations to special events, like when she was invited to open the Bernie Sanders rally at Temple University in April. For now she’s turning down invitations to take her show on the road—it’s an open-invite jam, not a band, and besides hours rehearsing or driving in a van won’t work for her.

Still, Branson has her eye on bigger projects as the jam enters its second year, including work with new non-profit groups in the area. It’s all part of the same effort for her: the jam sessions, the lessons, the therapy and the outreach in general.

“Sometimes, things happen that you could not plan yourself. Every successful thing I’ve done, they’ve happened because I’ve done something for someone else,” Branson says.

“Now,” she continues, “I like that I have other women to compare to. Instead of saying, ‘Yeah my mom sounds like this guy,’ I delight in saying that her style, or someone else’s, is similar to another woman. And if they ask, ‘Who’s that?’ I get to tell them about another woman drummer.” n Fri., August 19, 10pm. Free. Dahlak Paradise, 4708 Baltimore Ave.

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TIMAREE’S BODY

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Indy In-Depth

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PHILADELPHIA WEEKLY

ike many of my generation, a standard 9 to 5 is not in the cards for me. Even if that schedule sounded remotely appealing (which it sure as hell doesn’t), there aren’t Full Time Job Trees just dropping fruit everywhere. Many of us have discovered the solution is constructing a career from a farrago of part-time gigs. The taxes are a nightmare of Trump candidacy proportions—but I never, ever have to wear pants.

Another downside is that despite having a theoretical army of colleagues, I rarely see them. Generally, I’m chilling in my apartment with a computer and a cat.

For many freelancers, this is a problem.

Amanda Thomas, the operations manager for Lanterfish Press, considers herself an introvert and likes being alone just fine.

“But I can’t do that 100 percent of the time,” she says. When she started her own business, she spent day and night at home. It was OK for a while, but the distractions of chores were an obstacle and she found that lack of collaboration made for lower quality work. “I missed other humans. I was going insane. I had to get out of the house.”

Coffee shops were an option, but the population changed too quickly to get to know anyone. A friend told her about coworking spaces, places where folks can share the resources of an office without being tethered to a cubicle. Amanda made appointments to check out a few of them, Indy Hall in Old City was her first stop. “I walked in the door and said ‘Yes, this is the place.’ It reminded me of when I was a teacher and how I had tried to make my classroom feel.

It’s an open space that feels comfortable, like there’s not a bashillion rules.”

Amanda also met her business partner, Christina, here. “It was my second day. I’ll never forget her rolling over to me in her little rolly chair saying, ‘We should make a book.’” After some brainstorming and a kickstarter, they had a trademark and a couple publications, turning a side project into something that might be truly sustainable.

“With the exception of grad school, this is the first place where I felt like I found ‘my people.’” Meg Hartmann, a freelance copywriter, is chatting with me in the kitchen at Indy Hall. To one side of us, men lounge on sofas with their laptops and headphones. On the other side there are occupied banks of desks: some for sitting, others for standing. “I consider myself shy,” Meg says, but she found the environment conducive to making friends.

Folks chat at the coffee machine, talk to the person at the desk next to them, and grab lunch together. She even found a group with which she can practice her Spanish once a week. If she’s not physi-

cally in Indy Hall, Meg Skypes in to join them.

Sam Abrams’s job is to facilitate these kinds of contacts between Indy Hall members. She’s a tummler, which means she gets to know everyone, finds out what they’re doing, and connects them with potential collaborators. Not every co-working space has a tummler. “People might assume competition with other coworking spaces, but that’s not the case. Each offers a different thing. If you want tacos, don’t go to a Chinese restaurant.” She says some people want more of a library vibe, or need a space for large teams. Others are looking to be around people in a specific industry. “We’re more about getting involved in community,” and she adds, “We’re a little scrappy. There’s art all over the place.”

As Sam talks to me, she is cutting fruit to put in sangria for Indy Hall’s Town Meeting that evening. The whole outfit is moving down the street to a new space this month. Before this happens, the whole community will get together to talk and prepare for the transition. Everyone I ask about it says something like “we’re ready,” or “we’re preparing for the reboot,” always referring to the process in a first-person plural. They also keep referring to each other as inspiring.

Sam: “Even on a head-down work day, it’s inspiring to have these other people around.”

Meg: “The people here are inspiring.

They’re a creative, intellectual community. What we can do together is make something greater than ourselves.”

Amanda: “I’ve met a lot of really inspiring people here, just by hanging around.

I couldn’t go back to a normal job. I’ve seen how it can be different and I can’t go back.”

Jeez, Indy Hall, get a room. Like a bigger room, down the street. I might see you there when I have work to do. n

SAVAGE LOVE

by Dan Savage | Twitter: @FakeDanSavage

All I Ever Wanted

D

EAR READERS: I’m on vacation for three weeks—but you won’t be reading old columns in my absence, and you won’t be reading columns by anyone who isn’t Dan Savage. You’ll be reading new columns, all of them written by Dan Savage, none of them written by me.

Our second guest Dan Savage is 32 years old, single, and living in London. Dan Savage got his professional start working in promotions at the legendary London nightclub G-A-Y. He’s now 10 years into a career in theater arts marketing and currently works for some of the West End’s biggest hit musicals. Dan has never written a sex-advice column before, but he occasionally gets angry tweets that were meant for me.

A quick word about qualifications: Advice is defined as “an opinion about what could or should be done.” We’re all entitled to our opinions—but only Dan Savage, theatrical marketing exec, is entitled to share his opinions in my column this week. Take it away, Dan! I’m an early-30s bi woman. As I have more relationships, I have started to see a pattern in that I find sex much hotter when there is some degree of confusion or forbidden-ness.

So relationship sex can get boring quickly. I know there’s not necessarily a good answer for why, but any suggestions on what to do about this? I want to have great sex with a partner for life! Maybe my expectations about good sex in a long-term relationship are unrealistic? I know it’s not always going to be crazy passion, but how can I sustain amazing sex in a relationship? —Passion Fades From This

A problem you and I share! The fun is in the chase, the excitement of someone new, and that first time. You may return for a second or maybe a third time—but then what or who is next? Often regardless of whatever feelings may have started to develop.

For those who don’t understand, just imagine we’re talking about food. You like food. You like lots of different types of food.

Right now, your favorite food is hot dogs.

But you don’t want to eat that every day.

Occasionally, you might want an all-youcan-eat sushi buffet.

I believe the secret to a good relationship—besides love and passion—is keeping it downright dirty! It’s about keeping that spark alive. If the fun starts to fade, spice it up with toys, games, risky locations, additional people, rubber dog masks—you can’t know what will excite you both until you give it a try! But that’s the key, that you both like it.

There are millions of people all over the world in long-term relationships that on the face of it maintain a fun and healthy sex life—can it really be that hard? Or maybe

long-term relationships aren’t for you, PFFT! I am a 65-year-old male new to gay relationships. I placed a listing on SilverDaddies and have had a LOT of responses from great young guys. I have met only one guy so far.

He is 23 and says he has had only a few girlfriends and has not had any gay experiences.

He is so passionate. Very oral. Long kissing sessions, and he puts his tongue EVERYWHERE. Very submissive and insatiable. Of course I use condoms. I asked him what he gets out of this. He said he gets an intensity he can’t explain over pleasing an older man that he doesn’t get from sex with a female.

Being a sub makes him rock hard, and with a woman, he has to be the performer. He considers himself straight, since he is attracted only to older men and is only a bottom. In any case, he will be back at grad school soon, and I will no doubt have another partner. I have never had an STD. I don’t want to get one now. I talked to a clinic over the phone about getting the HPV vaccine, and they thought it was funny and would not do it. I will be seeing young guys who are sexually active, so I think I should be able to get this vaccine. I do not want cold sores or warts or whatever at my age. —This Old Pop I think it’s great—if you don’t mind me saying—that in your advanced years you are able to embark on this new sexual adventure and experimentation, TOP! And you have a hot 23-year-old visiting you for regular sex—something a lot of people much younger than you would kill for!

As long as you are safe and wear a condom, you shouldn’t put too much stress on yourself regarding STIs. Maybe just don’t go around picking up boys off street corners who look like they need a good wash.

My personal opinion is this guy may not be being as honest with you as you’d have hoped. A 23-year-old straight guy, in his first homosexual encounter, being “very oral” and “only a bottom” and putting “his tongue everywhere”—that sounds to me like someone who knows what they’re doing. My experience of first times is generally a quick fumble and an even quicker ejaculation.

Regardless, he is soon to leave, TOP, and you will find a new sexual partner. Advice from a YoungTOP to an OldTOP: Go with the flow and be safe, but most of all enjoy it!

(And to older gay gentlemen who think you can’t get any: TOP is! You can!) n

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Kater Court Townhomes. Stunning NEW ConLuxury never before in Center struction homes withoffered ELEVATORS, 2-CARCity Ga-Philadelphia.

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There are 6ft long x8 elevator, Deck flooring with PLUNGE OUTDOOR in wide Roof hardwood planksPOOL, throughout, KITCHEN, and aheights, 300 sq’ interior pilot house 9-15ft ceiling iron suite railingwith sys-wet bar, bath,roof and elevator access to roof firedeck!! tem,half double deck!

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1917 KIMBALL ST $595,000 1911 KIMBALL ST GRADUATE HOSPITAL GRADUATE HOSPITAL | $595,000

1033 S RANDOLPH ST $475,000 200QUEEN CHRISTIAN VILLAGEST QUEEN VILLAGE | $540,000

Gorgeous, completely renovated from top to Six brand brand new 3 bedroom, 2.5 2.5 Gorgeous Six new construction construction 3 bedroom, bi-level 3 bedroom, 3.5 bath townbottom, like-new construction, 3 bedroom, 3 bath homes homes built developer in in home bath builtbybya aquality quality developer style condominium with 1-car assigned bath home withschoolhouse a finished basethe highly highly coveted Hospital neighthe covetedGraduate Graduate Hospital neigh- parking in acomplete 1841-1904 turned ment, 3 outdoor spaces, woodQueen floor- Vilborhood. These townhomes are are into borhood.

Thesebreathtaking breathtaking townhomes condos located in beautiful a charming ing, location. contemporary kitchen baths, and fantasadorned with front doors and and frontfront lage adorned withoversized oversized front doors 1 of 4 This is one ofand 12 units, tic light and smoked glass bedroom doors. architecture. The features custom gray gray with its own private entrance off the beautifully architecture.

Thekitchen kitchen features custom Handsome brick facade with slate patio.

Wide cabinets with a breakfast bar, Kenmore Elite cabinets with a breakfast bar, Kenmore Elite landscaped courtyard. Wide openly laid out open room, living room, and kitchen appliances, an andand even a a living appliances, an oversized oversizedpantry pantry even diningdining room room and kitchen featuring withlight glass transoms, tile backsplash, island bar counter, cooktop stove Large sliding cooktop stove with withwall walloven. oven.

Large sliding two double window, hardwood quartz countertops, stainless steel appliances doors take take you backyard, the the flooring, doors youtotothe thespacious spacious backyard, maple cabinetry, stainless steel apand more.bar 10counter year tax and abatement pending! perfect spot perfect spot for forentertaining. entertaining. pliances, large pantry closet.

714STNUNIT 4TH #11B ST #B $739,900 130 SPRUCE NORTHERNSOCIETY LIBERTIES HILL| $740,000

736ST CATHARINE ST$639,900 516 QUEEN BELLAQUEEN VISTAVILLAGE | $775,000

277 S 3RD756 ST S MARVINE ST $975,000 HARTHORNE $639,900 SOCIETY| HILL

Corner New Construction Garage, Rare Opportunity – Society Hillhome Gatedw/ Garden Roofdeck, Tax abatement, and 2900sq’+ feet of Community.

Significant outdoor entertainlight filled living space located at THE best locamentinroof space Liberties. with viewsThoughtfully is the advantage tion Northern designed to this 2-3 bath, bi-level homefrom with the floorplan w/,bed, full 2Center City views private parking. thru the bronze se- tall roof deck side Arrive windows, andgate dramatically curity doors on Delancey St: Step intoThe beauticeiling heights in the living room.

Custom fully landscaped gardens + private kitchen has luxury stainless steelcourtyards appliances, (pool).

Enter thru the homes atrium style stairs of tiled backsplash, quartz counters and plenty into the 1st flr of this ready conwood cabinetry.

Onesunny, of themove-in brightest and sunniest homes you will floor ever plan find.provides an easy dominium.

An open flow from room to room + features beautiful maple hardwood flrs. Must see it today!

home nestled on a charmVery rare opportunity to live a home beam- Beautiful This extra3BD/3.5BA wide town-home with deeded, seBeautiful 4BD/2BA home on ainquaint treetree-lined block in Hawthorne and coming with pride of ownership andrefinished offering the ing cure, gated parking on the sunny northeast lined block in Queen Village, with renovated just two years ago, complete perfect combination of restored original de- pletely cornera ofrooftop 3rd and terrace, Spruce Streets in Society Hill woodand floors, crown moldings, redand brickdesirable garwith contemporary baths, tails today’s most updated contains 2100 square feet of living den patio and It was gut4renovated 122.5 side yard,over finished basement and space, gorgeous amenities.

Thismore. is a spacious bedroom, four bedrooms, three out door spaces and is years ago and thoughtfully transformed to hand scraped birch hardwood floors throughout. bath home nestled on a beautiful, low traffic, literally stones throw toliving/dining everything. Theroom first with bring suburban living Vista to thewith city boasting while Step intoa the wide open tree-lined blockstyle in Bella floor entry leads toThe nicely renovated eat boasts in preserving wood its charming architecturalyard, details. fronthall window. eat-in kitchen refinished floors, decked-in beauti- large kitchen featuring blackmarble marblecountertop, floors, granite Thekitchen enormous kitchen boastsbonus an abuncabinetry, island ful andfront baths, and many rooms handsome counter tops, stainless steel appliances,stainless decocounter, glass tile backsplash, dance offor cabinetry, customofcountertops, a wide range needs! Thistile home bar suitable rativeappliances tin back splash and a windows. window to let the steel and three isbacksplash, a must see!stainless steel appliances and a sunshine in. Walk score of 98. bar counter, which opens onto the dining area.

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First Choice Loan Services Inc. (NMLS# 210764) a wholly owned subsidiary of First Choice Bank (NMLS# 177877) is located at 729 Grove Ave, Suite 7, Southampton, PA 18966. First Choice Loan Services Inc. is registered or exempt from state licensing in the states it originates mortgage loans. Licensed by the NJ Department of Banking and Insurance. AZ BK# 0918586. First Choice Loan Services Inc. is not an agency of the federal government and is not affiliated with your current lender. All loans are subject to credit approval. Programs, rates, terms and conditions are current, but are subject to change and may expire without notice. Other restrictions may apply. All applications must be submitted in writing. This advertisement is not a loan disclosure and all disclosures provided after applying should be reviewed carefully. This is not a commitment to provide a loan approval or a specific interest rate. 03.11.2016

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phillyweekly.com | August 18 -24, 2016 | Philly Weekly | 21

First Choice Loan Services Inc. (NMLS# 210764) a wholly owned subsidiary of First Choice Bank (NMLS# 177877) is located at 729 Grove Ave, Suite 7, Southampton, PA 18966. First Choice Loan Services Inc. is registered or exempt from state licensing in the states it originates mortgage loans. Licensed by the NJ Department of Banking and Insurance. AZ BK# 0918586. First Choice Loan Services Inc. is not an agency of the federal government and is not affiliated with your current lender. All loans are subject to credit approval. Programs, rates, terms and conditions are current, but are subject to change and may expire without notice. Other restrictions may apply. All applications must be submitted in writing. This advertisement is not a loan disclosure and all disclosures provided after applying should be reviewed carefully. This is not a commitment to provide a loan approval or a specific interest rate. 03.11.2016

contact:PW RealEstate@ REAL phillyweekly.com

PW R E A L

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5/1 ARM THE LATEST IN SALES & APR 3.271% RENTALS IN PHILADELPHIA Rates as of August 15, 2016 10:00 AM. *APR= Annual Percentage Rate. Rates subject to change daily$1,338 (including same in day). For real time 3.500% Rate $1,078/mo fees THE LATEST INTheSALES & be higher rates, please call 215-755-1500. rate you receive may based on credit score, mortgage loan-to-value ratio and other loan factors. phillyweekly.com Please call for Jumbo Rates (above $417,000). Subject to credit approval. Property insurance required. Loan to values from 80% to 97% require RENTALS IN PHILADELPHIA PMI (Private Mortgage Insurance). Other costs and fees may apply. Monthly P&I payment of $1,189.97 based on a $265,000.00 loan amount, For more information contact: 30 year offixed 360-month term, assumed credit score of 740 & loan-to-value 80%. *P&I= Principal and Interest. These payments do not include amounts phillyweekly.com for taxes and insurance premiums; actual payment will be greater. NMLS #518005 RealEstate@phillyweekly.com 3.889% APR For more information contact: 3.875% Rate $1,129/mo $406 in fees RealEstate@phillyweekly.com PW R E A L E S T A T E

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