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Everything You Need to Know, Philly!

DEC. 27, 2018 - JAN. 3, 2019

See our Calendar jammed packed with more holiday events SEE PAGE 15

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FROM THE EDITOR

All schools matter H

KERITH GABRIEL

ere’s my holiday wish, New Year’s Eve aspiration, whatever you want to call it… Next year, we make a vow to consider the things that are important. That will help us out in the long run. What’s important for not just our immediate and extended families, but ultimately for the greater good. We have the unique advantage of living in a political and social climate where politicians have no choice but to listen because even if gripes fall on deaf ears now, it only means their time in office is limited. I think that goes for all levels and branches of government. OK, so what am I getting at, you ask? I’m getting at the fact in a few short days it’ll be 2019 and the issue of how we are going to appropriately fund education in the state of Pennsylvania still hasn’t been figured out. A trend is that the more diverse school systems, Philadelphia, Pittsburgh and even low-lying areas like Pottstown, are feeling the squeeze from the state when it comes to funding that can make a significant change. Why is that? Well, judging by the letter I received earlier this month, it’s not taxes. If you ask me, I think our education system in Pennsylvania still has yet to realize that all kids matter, even the black and brown ones who live in our cities and more economically diverse towns. Read this letter and tell me what you think. As you know, I’m always all ears and eyes when it comes to solutions-based comments, theories and even rants. To the Editor, We are writing to you because the State of Pennsylvania should be doing right by all her students, not just half of them. Unfortunately, half of our public school children are being shortchanged, including the children of Pottstown. In Pottstown, a borough outside of Philadelphia, our property taxes are among the highest in the state and still our schools are

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underfunded to the tune of more than $13 million per year. This means we struggle with overcrowded classes and buildings. We also have a tough time holding on to teachers since we can’t pay them what they deserve. We do the best with what we have, but we are hurting and have been for years. Why are we so underfunded you might ask? There are three main reasons: I. “Hold Harmless.” This is a rule that the state legislature created that says you can never give a district less than they got the year before. If a school district was getting a lot of money when it had a higher student population, it gets the same amount even if the population has dropped. This means that the state is providing more money per student to districts with shrinking populations and less per student to growing districts and to urban districts with a higher minority populations. This is not only bad public policy, it is morally indefensible. II. Fair Funding. Even though we have a fair funding formula to help allocate state funding based on need, that formula is only applied to new money introduced into the education budget. In 2018, the formula applied to only 7.5 percent of the education budget. III. Politics. The majority of the leadership in both houses of the state legislature represent districts with shrinking populations and therefore benefit from hold harmless. This makes it political suicide for those leaders to allow bills that would resolve this unfairness to be moved forward for votes because it would diminish funding to the school districts they represent. In the final analysis, half of Pennsylvania’s students live in underfunded school districts. Those underfunded districts are disproportionately poor and even more disproportionately non-white. The current system is truly unjust. We need to support legislation that will phase out hold harmless and enact full application of the Fair Funding Formula. It’s time to provide a more equal opportunity to all our kids. Sincerely, Laura Johnson, Raymond Rose, Marisa Swiderski Agree? Disagree? Email me at mail@philadelphiaweekly.com ■ TWITTER: @SPRTSWTR

7 Things You Must Know Before Putting Your Philly Home Up for Sale Philadelphia - A new report has just been released which reveals 7 costly mistakes that most homeowners make when selling their home, and a 9 Step System that can help you sell your home fast and for the most amount of money. This industry report shows clearly how the traditional ways of selling homes have become increasingly less and less effective in today’s market. The fact of the matter is that fully three quarters of homesellers don’t get what they want for their homes and become disillusioned and - worse - financially disadvantaged when they put their homes on the market. As this report uncovers, most

homesellers make 7 deadly mistakes that cost them literally thousands of dollars. The good news is that each and every one of these mistakes is entirely preventable. In answer to this issue, industry insiders have prepared a free special report entitled “The 9 Step System to Get Your Home Sold Fast and For Top Dollar”. To hear a brief recorded message about how to order your FREE copy of this report call toll-free 1-844-8942805 and enter 2302. You can call any time, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Get your free special report NOW to find out how you can get the most money for your home.

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Connect with us: @PhillyWeekly EDITORIAL Kerith Gabriel, Editor kgabriel@philadelphiaweekly.com Andrea Cantor, Senior Staff Writer acantor@philadelphiaweekly.com

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CONTRIBUTORS Daniel Barnes, Kriston Bethel, Courtenay Harris-Bond, John N. McGuire, Jared Brey, Jon Hurdle, Dan Savage, Shealyn Kilroy, Mark Makela, Timaree Schmit, Heidi Wiley, Resolve Philadelphia BUSINESS Dan McDonough, Publisher dmcdonough@philadelphiaweekly.com Deidre Simms, Director of Major Accounts dsimms@newspapermediagroup.com PRODUCTION Mark Homer, Design & Layout PHILADELPHIA WEEKLY 1520 Locust St. Fifth Floor, Philadelphia, Pa. 19102 Phone: (844) 469-6336 Classified: 215-354-3054 mail@philadelphiaweekly.com

HOLLY JOLLIES One of the most un-Christmas-y of Christmas events took place Saturday as both Midtown Village, the Gayborhood and Rittenhouse were overrun with pub crawlers who took part in the annual Jingle Bars crawl. This year, over 10 Center City bars participated that along with drink specials – and even open bars at some destinations – there was music, dancing and we're sure a whole lot of spiked egg nog. (All images by Andrea Cantor) – KERITH GABRIEL | @SPRTSWTR

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NEWS

IMAGE: PIXABAY

Earlier this year, we uncovered a discrepancy in policies as it relates to service animals and ADA compliance. Digging deeper, it appears we only scratched the surface.

Diss Service II

Shofuso updates service animal policy as SEPTA and Rodeway Inn face discrimination lawsuits for similar policy flaws

BY AndreA CAntor

n November, Philadelphia Weekly published “Diss Service,” an expose of a controversial exclusion policy of service animals inside the main house at Shofuso Japanese House and Garden. The historic site has since changed its policy, allowing service animals with protective booties into the house. When asked for comment, Shofuso declined, saying

that the policy change is part of an ongoing process and were not able to comment at this time. It should be noted that the move is a mere minor victory in a city riddled with discrimination against those with disabilities. Stephen Cristal, an attorney with Philadelphia-based law firm Goldfein & Joseph, PC is currently handling two active cases of alleged service animal discrimination. Representing plaintiffs who both have epilepsy, the

DECEMBER 27, 2018 - JANUARY 3, 2019

accused defendants are Southeastern Pennsylvania Transportation Authority as well as Rodeway Inn Center City and one of its managers – listed as “Brian K. of Philadelphia – and Choice Hotels of Phoenix. Epilepsy is just one of the many disabilities that a service animal can be trained to medically assist. “For people with epilepsy, a service dog can increase independence, safety and community inclusion. These animals are trained to tasks such as alerting to seizures, keeping the person safe during a seizure, finding help, and bringing emergency medications,” said Elizabeth Beil, president and CEO of Epilepsy Foundation Eastern Pennsylvania which promotes education, support and advocacy for the disorder. “Some seizure alert dogs can provide enough notice to allow their owner to get to a safe environment

before the seizure begins. They are a complement to a person’s medical treatment.” Statistically speaking, one in 26 people will develop epilepsy in their lifetime and one in 10 people will experience a single seizure, as noted by Beil. “Imagine not knowing when you may have a seizure and not knowing if the people around you would know what to do to help you?” Beil hypothesized. “Knowing that your service dog can and will respond, allows improved quality of life for people with epilepsy.” Philadelphia resident Jaharra Davis is one of Cristal’s clients who has a professionally trained and certified dog who wears an identifying vest —none of which is required by the ADA. On record since 2016, Davis has been repeatedly harassed by SEPTA bus drivers and aides for her use of a service animal. Among other alleged discriminatory acts, SEPTA workers have refused her from coming onto buses, ejected her from buses and have called the police on her. Davis also cited that employees consistently ask her for "government papers" to validate the dog’s status as a service animal, a type of documentation that does not exist. Moreover, under the ADA, the only two questions a business is allowed to ask someone with a dog is whether or not the animal is being used because of a disability and what work or tasks is the animal trained to perform. In 2010, the ADA was revised to tighten the language and guidelines on what qualifies a service animal. The only exceptions to equal access to a premise with a service animal is if its presence would “fundamentally alter” the nature of the program, the handler is unable to control the dog or the dog is not house broken. Davis has filed a number of complaints, which have been “usually if not always found to be valid.” Even though the employees and aides were in violation of the ADA Title II and SEPTA’s own service animal policy, little to no punitive action was taken. While some of the perpetrators had to watch an ADA training video, the lawsuit argues that this is not sufficient for retraining. The suit recommends new ADA training procedures and identification markers to be included on SEPTA Key Cards or Reduced Transit Fare

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SEPTA and Rodeway Inn are under fire for alleged discriminatory actions against epileptic customers with service animals.

Cards to indicate that the patron is allowed to bring their service animal on board. According to the suit, the lack of ADA compliance has created public transportation “hotbeds of bigotry against the disabled.” In turn, people such as Davis have anxiety and fear around using SEPTA’s services. While the stated “hotbeds” are general knowledge among disability communities, it can not be supported by data. When asked, the Mid-Atlantic ADA Center said, “they are not aware of any source of comprehensive data on reports or complaints related to service animals, either under the ADA or state or local laws.” The Pennsylvania Human Relations Commission (PHRC) has limited data on discrimination of service animals, and the Philadelphia Commission on Human Relations said they haven’t received a complaint since 2012. PW reached out to SEPTA, but they were unable to comment due to the case being in active litigation. “I have found that there are certain businesses in the Greater Philadelphia area that do not fully appreciate the expanding role of service animals in the lives of the disabled, for example, the training of small dogs for early detection of an imminent seizure of a person with a seizure disorder,” said Cristal. “The abilities of these dogs are quite impressive and health care providers are more and more recommending service animals as part of treatment protocols.”

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Cristal’s other client, Jeffrey Galeone was thrown out of the Rodeway Inn at 1208 Walnut Street in Philadelphia this past summer when he tried to book a night with his service animal. As stated in the lawsuit, Galeone disclosed his disability to the manager, Brian K., explaining his lap-size dog, who wore a self-identifying medallion, was needed for a seizure disorder. Brian, however, did not believe the customer. “Brian mocked plaintiff for being disabled. Brian said that only blind people have service dogs. Brian made fun of plaintiff and belittled plaintiff because plaintiff suffered from a disability,” according to the lawsuit, which argues this in violation of the ADA Title III. “Brian informed plaintiff it was the policy of the hotel to deny him entry because of his service dog. Brian laughed at plaintiff and mocked and belittled him all the more when plaintiff became upset by Brian’s actions.” After the incident, Galeone wrote an online review which relayed his experience at the inn. In retaliation, Brian responded online, only to continue to mock Galeone for his disability and falsely accuse him of faking a seizure disorder. PW reached out from comment from Freeman Mathis & Gary, LLP on behalf of their client Choice Hotels International, but the firm was unable to respond due to the case being in litigation. ■ TWITTER: @ANDREAJCANTOR

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DECEMBER 27, 2018 - JANUARY 3, 2019

NEWS

The BIG Picture

This has been quite the holiday season in Philadelphia. It's also been one of the most beautiful with little additions that have made a big difference to our downtown. For example, we're still completely in love with the gift box in LOVE Park, and this image from Philly photographer Heidi Wiley offers why. FOLLOW WILEY ON INSTAGRAM: @HSWPHILLY.

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THEATER

IMAGE COURTESY MATT MURPHY

Another rendition of the Tony and Grammy-awarding production of Beautiful: The Carole King story returns to Philadelphia at the Academy of Music, Jan 8-20.

Paying your dues The evolution of Sarah Bockel’s role as Carole King in ‘Beautiful,’coming to the Academy of Music

BY ANDREA CANTOR

n college, Sarah Bockel was a Joni Mitchell fan. But after three and half years of performing in Beautiful: The Carole King Musical, Bockel is all about the “Natural Woman.” Bockel stars in the jukebox musical coming to the Academy of Music beginning Jan. 8-20., which portrays how Carole Klein became Carole King, one of the greatest singersongwriters of all time. The show chronicles King’s early days crafting pop hits with her then husband, Gerry Goffin, their tumultuous divorce and to her taking center stage and creating her groundbreaking album, Tapestry. This is the second time the national tour of the Tony- and Grammy-award-winning musical has stopped in Philly. During its initial tour in 2016, King was played by Abby Mueller, the sister of the show’s original King, Jessie Mueller, the latter who won a Tony in

2014 for Best Actress in a Musical. At that time, Bockel was [Abby] Mueller’s understudy. A dynamic that could have stirred an All About Eve type jealousy, instead Bockel loved watching and learning from Mueller’s performances. She was also sad when Mueller left the tour to play King on Broadway. “I didn't think I wanted to understudy for anyone else,” explained Bockel. “I was just learning so much about not only being in the moment, but also consistency in performing every night, and what you can do and what you need to pull back on to be able to do a show eight times a week.” But Bockel did understudy for someone else — Julia Knitel. Waiting in the wing, or more appropriately in the ensemble, Bockel gleaned what she could from Knitel’s deft performances. As the first two Kings showcased “consistency, honesty, presence and listening,” the ingénue was paying close attention

10 DECEMBER 27, 2018 - JANUARY 3, 2019

and taking notes. Before Bockel became the leading “Natural Woman,” a part she “felt prepared” for from watching Mueller and Knitel, she hit a wall. She was homesick. After 18 months as an understudy, Bockel packed up her bags and headed home to Chicago. A couple days in, fate intervened when she received a call from the Broadway production of Beautiful to fill in for King’s understudy — essentially, the understudy’s understudy. “I flew to New York, sublet my friend's room, made my Broadway debut and was on Broadway for six weeks,” said Bockel. “And then directly after that, our Carole back on tour, Julia, got really sick and she needed some time off. So then I went back to the tour for two weeks and got to play Carole.” Two months later than she expected, Bockel was at last able to go back home, a place that she ached for especially during the holidays on the road. “I was home all summer,” recalled Bockel. “I was so happy to be home and so ready, because life on the road is hard.” The only problem was that she couldn’t find work. After five months of being home, a familiar call came ringing — but this time with a different message. The national tour of Beautiful wanted Bockel to be the leading King. “It was a no brainer, and I knew I was ready to go back on the road,” explained Bockel. “I had more lessons to learn.” While grateful to have beaten the odds to earn her spotlight, she couldn’t deny that being back on the road has taken its toll. Whether going to physical therapy or eating a healthy dish and hitting the gym to fit into her Carole costumes, Bockel explained that it can feel like she is living for her job. Yet, it is a job that has been her life for almost four years and that will be over in June when the tour ends. After that, she will once again be on the hunt for any opportunity to keep performing. “Anytime I feel sick about it, I need to look out to the audience and be grateful and think, 'Oh, these people are here and they need to hear this story,’" said Bockel. “It's a really great, inspiring story, and I'm so lucky I get to be the one to tell it.” ■ TWITTER: @ANDREAJCANTOR

1-on-1 with the King Sarah Bockel plays Carole King in the upcoming theater production of the legendary singer-songwriter’s life at the Academy of Music beginning Jan. 8. We sat down with Bockel to get some straight answers to a few burning questions. How did you prepare for the role of Carole King?

I prepared with lots of YouTube. I probably watched everything on YouTube that had to do with Carole King. I read her memoir, and I think the best preparation for me was I was an understudy on the tour for the first year and a half so I got to just watch and really learn.

Have you ever met King?

I have met her a couple times.

Is there something she told you that sticks out in your memory?

She joked with me a little bit once, because I didn't know she was coming to the show that night, thank god. And I was just wearing a flannel shirt and leggings and I said, "Oh, I'm so glad I wore my nice shirt." She said, "That's why I always wear black." It was pretty funny. I also travel two of her records, just in case she comes to see the show. And she was so surprised, and said, "Oh, you travel these!" [When I said I needed to grab a pen for her to autograph them], she responded, "That's okay, I carry one in my purse, just in case this happens.” It is just an example of how gracious and kind she is. She has been essentially signing autographs for most of her life, and she's not sick of it, she doesn't get annoyed. She, in fact, brings a pen to make it easier for people.

What’s your favorite song of Carole King’s and why?

I have Tapestry on vinyl, and it changes. My favorite song before the show was "It's Too Late," because it was my breakup song. I always loved "I Feel the Earth Move," that's the most fun song and also to perform at the end of the show is really fun.

What about this musical makes it relevant for people to watch now?

It's funny, I think we have some really great timing to be able to tell this story even though it takes place in the 60s and 70s. Now, during MeToo Movement, during this new wave of feminism and its renaissance, it’s great timing to tell the story of a woman where all the odds are against her, and it's real, and she's still with us.

You came to Philly in 2016 to perform in Beautiful. What are you excited to do coming back to the city? I stayed in the Gayborhood last time, and I really want to go back to that neighborhood. It was so much fun. I just love the cobblestone streets and all the history and just walking around. It feels like some old timey America to me. I know it's going to be colder, but I'm still excited to walk around ... You know these repeat cities that we get to come back to, it's nice to have a little familiarity. Beautiful: The Carole King Musical | Jan. 8-20. Prices vary. Academy of Music, 240 S. Broad St. beautifulonbroadway.com/tour/ ANDREA CANTOR | @ANDREAJCANTOR

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NYE ISSUE

FIREWORKS

SugarHouse Casino New Year's Eve Fireworks on the Waterfront

End 2018 with a bang! Showering the night’s sky with colorful lights, take in two firework shows on the waterfront. There are plenty of ticketed parties as well as free spots around the city where you can get a good view of the festive display. | 6pm & midnight. Free. 101 S. Columbus Blvd. delawareriverwaterfront.com

FAMILY

Poppin’ off

From fireworks to bubbly, ideas to ensure you do the most to ring 2019 in right BY ANDREA CANTOR AND KERITH GABRIEL

It’s the countdown to the New Year’s countdown. But as 2018 makes its way out, how will you celebrate the entrance of 2019? Before the New Year’s Day Mummers Parade, a Philadelphia tradition dating back to

Countdown2Noon

Staying up to noon is pretty rocker for a tot! Take the little ones down to the Please Touch Museum for afternoon they will remember – well maybe, they are really young after all. The event will be hopping and bopping with live music, kids arts and crafts activities, a meet and greet with the Squiggles, two traditional New Year’s Eve ball drops and other kid-tastic fun. | Dec. 31. $5-$20. Ball drops at noon & 1pm. Please Touch Museum, 4231 Avenue of the Republic. pleasetouchmuseum.org/event/countdown2noon/

1901, the city will be beaming with streamers, music and lots of champagne into the Kids' New Year's Eve Countdown at Franklin Square morning hours. Forget the ball drop, it’s all about the “square” drop at Everyone has a different idea of what a Franklin Square. Kicking off with arts and crafts activities, the festivities include a kids dance party. For more New Year’s good night entails, so find your perfect way Eve dazzle, watch the Electrical Spectacle Holiday Light Show free. | 3-8pm. Free. Franklin Square, 200 N. 6th St. histo start off 2019 with this New Year’s Eve for toricphiladelphia.org/franklin-square/holidays-in-franklinsquare/ guide.

12 DECEMBER 27, 2018 - JANUARY 3, 2019

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NYE ISSUE John Oliver

Does John Oliver really need any description or sell? Come on, it’s John Oliver! The “Last Week Tonight with John Oliver” host is performing four shows at the newly redesigned The Met Philadelphia, including a show that starts at 10pm on Dec. 31. Think about it this way, you get to say you spent your New Year’s Eve with the man who gave us the Catheter Cowboy and Mr. Nutterbutter. | Dec. 30-31. 7pm, 10pm. $69.50. The Met Philadelphia, 858 N. Broad St. themetphilly. com/events/

Low Cut Connie at the Trocadero Theatre

“Jump into the Fire,” and let’s get this party started already! Rock-and-roll out the new year with Philly’s own Low Cut Connie. Finishing up a national tour, the band is coming back home to play out 2018. | 9pm. $25 - $35. Trocadero Theatre, 1003 Arch St. thetroc. com/event/1771311-low-cut-connie-philadelphia/

New Year’s Parties on Ice

If the nightclub is not your scene then skate your way from 2018 to 2019 at Blue Cross RiverRink Winterfest. Your ticket gets you entertainment, snacks, soft drinks and a cash bar. Enjoy all that Winterfest has to offer and get a closeup view of the fireworks show, going off at two different times. | 5-8pm. 10pm1am. $35-$45. Blue Cross RiverRink, 101 S. Columbus Blvd. delawareriverwaterfront. com/events/new-year-s-eve-parties-on-ice

LIVE MUSIC

The Disco Biscuits at The Fillmore

If you are looking to dance your way into 2019 then look no further than The Fillmore. A band that sounds both groovy and yummy, you’ll be non-stop moving to trance-fusion and homegrown The Disco Biscuits. | 8pm. $65. The Fillmore, 29 E. Allen St. thefillmorephilly.com/EventDetail?tmeventid=02 0054FE0D252551&offerid=0

A Boogie Wit Da Hoodie at Franklin Music Hall

Get down with A Boogie Wit Da Hoodie this New Year’s Eve. Watch the ball drop and the mic drop too with the American rapper at the Franklin Music Hall (cough, cough... Electric Factory). Showcasing his latest album, Hoodie SZN, the night will also feature Hardwork Movement and Pretty Girls Like Trap. | 9pm. $49.99. Franklin Music Hall, 421 N. 7th St. bowerypresents.com/shows/ detail/363979-a-boogie-wit-da-hoodie

New Year’s Eve with The Philadelphia Orchestra

Even with the new year, it’s a holiday of traditions. Spend your night with Conductor Yannick Nézet-Séguin and the Philadelphia Orchestra, listening to classical music. Travel the world through sound with a riveting musical selection at the annual New Year’s Eve concert. | 7:30pm. Prices vary. Kimmel Center, 300 S. Broad St. philorch.org/concert/newyears-eve-5?date=2018-12-31_19-30%20 _#/

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They Might Be Giants

Is there a “Birdhouse In Your Soul”? We know you “Can’t Keep Johnny Down” and you can’t keep They Might Be Giants away from the Philly stage. Promoting their new album, “I Like Fun,” the alt-rock band will be playing out 2018 with old and new hits. | 9pm. $38. Theatre of Living Arts, 334 South St. theymightbegiants.com/shows/

COMEDY Jon Dore

Why wouldn’t you want to end 2018 and start 2019 in the same way – laughing. Let Jon Dore be your comedic guide into the new year. Dore has been on "The Half Of It," "How I Met Your Mother," "How To Live With Your Parents," "Conan," "Baroness Von Sketch Show," "@midnight," "Inside Amy Schumer" and "Hart of Dixie." The late show includes party favors and a champagne toast at midnight. | 8pm, 10:30pm. $39-$64. Helium Comedy Club, 2031 Sansom St. philadelphia.heliumcomedy.com/events/26479

ComedySportz New Year's Improvin' Eve

Why deal with the New Year’s Eve hecticness when you can participate in a zany, interactive, comedy competition? The improv ring will show how serious joking can be. The night will be BYOB and provide free pizza and drinks for fans. | 7:30pm, 10:30pm. $15-$20. CSz Philadelphia at the Adrienne, 2030 Sansom St. comedysportzphilly.com/ new-years/

Countdown Show: Last Laughs of 2018

Why settle with one act, when you can four great sets? Countdown the clock and have your last laugh at or of 2018 with comedians Paris Sashay, Phil Hanley, Helen Hong and TuRae. Make the night even more special by upgrading your ticket with a meal and drink package, all of which come with a complimentary champagne toast. | 10pm. $47. Punch Line Philly, 33 E. Laurel St. punchlinephilly.com

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NYE ISSUE the night away from 57 floors up at One Liberty Observation Deck and have a great view of the midnight fireworks. Partnering with Craft Concepts Group, enjoy a five-hour open bar and hors d'oeuvres. | 9pm-2am. $175, general admission. One Liberty Observation Deck, 1650 Market St. midnightfrom-the-top-nye-2019.ticketleap.com/midnightfromthetopnye2019/

Tinsel Winter Wonderland New Year’s Eve 2019

If you are a themey kind of partier then step into the winter wonderland that is Tinsel. The festive pop-up bar will have a five-hour open bar, hor d’oeuvres, DJ and a lot more. | 9pm2am. $85. Tinsel, 116 S. 12th St. tinselnye2019.ticketleap. com/tinselwonderlandnye2019/

Rumour

Clubbers, you’re already about the nightlife. Come for what you know best – DJs and dancing. Playing Top 40, Hip Hop, House and Mash Ups, you’ll be in your element. Plus, there is a five-hour bar and complimentary champagne toast at the countdown to 2019 | 9pm. $99, general admission. Rumour, 1500 Sansom St. nyephilly.com/rumor-new-years-eveevent-in-philadelphia

NYE Live! Philadelphia 2019 at XFINITY Live!

Bigger is better at XFINITY Live! Five bars and clubs, you’ll be sending off 2018 with a bang. The night will include an all-inclusive food and beverage package, live entertainment, dancing, a Silent Disco and a midnight ball-drop celebration paired with a champagne toast. | 9pm. $120, general admission. Xfinity Live!, 1100 Pattison Ave. ticketfly.com/purchase/ event/1767413?utm_source=district&utm_medium=Facebook-unpaid

FOOD AND DRINK NYE at Barclay Prime

If you want your New Year’s Eve to be on the boujee side and you have the cash to burn, why not try what they’re offering at Barclay Prime. Nosh on Kobe Beef sliders, rib-eyes, a butter-poached lobster and a cheesesteak valued at $120. There’s a DJ, other entertainment and a complimentary sparkling toast at midnight. Barclay Prime, 237 S. 18th St. barclayprime.com/

PARTY HOPPING

music, body painters, hoop dancers and more. | 9pm. $129, general admission. Crystal Tea Room, 100 E. Penn Square. nyephilly.com/the-crystal-tea-room-new-years-eve-eventin-philadelphia

14th Annual Celebrity Style New Year’s Eve Fireworks Gala

Ring in the new year with the 14th Annual Celebrity Style New Year’s Eve Fireworks Gala at the Pyramid Club. Get a great view of the city and fireworks from 500 feet up. The Penthouse chic gala includes a five-hour open bar, hors d’oeuvres, buffet stations, desserts, party favors, coat check and champagne toast at midnight. Plus, you get discounted parking and stay at the Sonesta Hotel Philadelphia if you don’t want to drive home after the party. | 9pm-2am. $145 – $160. Pyramid Club, 52nd FL, 1735 Market St. eventbrite.com/e/14thannual-celebrity-style-new-years-eve-fireworks-gala-tickets-49853056835

Philadelphia All Access NYE Party Pass

Too ancy to just choose one party? No worries, put indecision on your New Year’s resolution list and indulge that fickleness with the Party Pass. Let the night lead you to venues that include Cinder, Finn McCool’s, Bru Craft & Wurst, and Recess. Each place features a five-hour open bar for your drinking pleasure. | 9pm-2am. $89-$99.Starting points vary. newyearsevecentral.com/philadelphia/philadelphia-all-access-nye-party-pass-new-years-eve

Crawl 'Til The Ball Drops New Year's Eve at The Crystal Tea Room

It’s the last day of the year, might as well live it up with extravagance. From a five-hour open bar to complimentary party favors, a buffet-style dining with a carving station to dessert, your New Year’s plans will be made at the Crystal Tea Room. But if that weren’t enough, the party will also have live

Midnight From the Top NYE 2019

Get gussied up and welcome the new year in style. Party

14 DECEMBER 27, 2018 - JANUARY 3, 2019

5, 4, 3, 2, 1! Where will you be when the ball drops? At this bar crawl, you could be at Fox & Hound, Pulse, Tabu Lounge & Sports Bar, Misconduct tavern and McGlinchey's Bar. With food and drink specials along the way, you’ll have access to different party scenes around the city. | Registration time: 5-10pm. $10. Registration place: Fox & Hound, 1501 Spruce St. barcrawls.com/philadelphia/newyearseve ■ TWITTER: @ANDREAJCANTOR

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Find more events at philadelphiaweekly.com/calendar Tell us about your upcoming events! Send press releases and information to: events@phillyweekly.com

THURSDAY, DECEMBER 27 MUSIC

Barber Acoustic

Fans of the Philly jam band scene will already know Jon “Barber” Gutwillig well. He’s the guitarist and one of the mad minds behind Disco Biscuits, that ridiculous, four hour-plus concert giggin’, play until 3am and then some jam/electronic/funk/everything band. Here, you’ll get to see his … quieter side. Though we’re willing to bet it’s really not that quiet. Either way, World Cafe Live is a great venue and we should probably be making more of a point to espouse its many virtues. | 8pm. $25. World Cafe Live, 3025 Walnut St. ticketfly.com

POLITICAL

Councilman Curtis Jones, Jr. Annual Black Party Fundraiser

the scene

What to do in & around the city

Mummers Parade New year, new you ... right? Well, probably not. In all honesty, almost definitely not. Really, it’s a whole lot more like, “new year, pretty much the same you except for the first few weeks when you try to stick to some semblance of a resolution, maybe you lose a few pounds or learn a few new words in Spanish, but ultimately you’ll revert back to the same person you always were only maybe under slightly different circumstances, with the majority of those differences being that you now have to remember to write 2019 instead of 2018, which you will invariably forget.” Guess that doesn’t fit on those paid media ads quite so well though, huh? You know, the ones that pop up next to whatever disgusting (but awesome) porn you happen to be perusing. Yeah, you know the ones. To that end, as a Philadelphian, a member of that wild tribe of city folk so unflappable as to welcome in a mascot as deranged as Gritty and keep right on flyin’, could you really imagine doing anything on New Year’s Day other than watching a bunch of old men in opulent costumery and tiny motorized cars wandering along the parkway? No, you can’t. And neither can we. So this year, instead of torturing yourself over quitting cigarettes (you really should, though all that vape shit is probably somehow worse) or cutting back on the calories (far be it for us to tell anyone to forego that fifth slice of pie, we’ll be right there with you in the kitchen at 3am, fork in fighting position) or whether you should do something truly awful like go for a hike on New Year’s Day, why not just lean into your truest sense of self? Try accepting. Try learning to love what you see in the mirror. Make some changes, sure, but when the Mummers come on and the pie comes out, don’t try to make yourself feel bad either. Instead, enjoy the life you’ve been given. Accept that change comes slow, not all at once. That you are the person you are, and that, despite all the other sad truths of life, no one can ever take that from you. ■ Mummers Parade | Jan. 1. 9am. Prices vary. City Hall, S. Broad Street and S. Penn Square. R. phlvisitorcenter.com/Mummers

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– CAL SETAR | @CALSFRO

So there’s a whole “VIP Reception” part of the evening that starts at 6pm, but we’ll just pretend that doesn’t exist and Councilman Jones is really just hoping to glad-hand a bunch of caring constituents. The truth probably isn’t quite so rosy, but the reason we’re including this is to say that politics starts at the local level. If you care about shit that The Orange Goblin in Chief is doing – or trying to do – the surest way to make your voice heard and make an impact is to go to parties like this and harangue your local councilman into doing what’s right. | 8pm. $50. Please Touch Museum, 4231 Avenue of the Republic. Pleasetouchmuseum.org

FESTIVAL

Tigers Jaw Presents Otherly Love

We don’t know for a fact if this is technically considered a festival, but considering the fairly long list of bands and the sweet-ass poster they made, we’re gonna go ahead and call it cool. Tigers Jaw is a possibly grammatically incorrect but otherwise pretty cool rock band from the far flung reaches of Scranton, PA. Seriously though, I’d love to sit down with the band and ask them what their name means and whether or not it’s meant to be possessive. The idea of tigers jawing at one another is awesome and all, but not something we think they can actually do? | 530pm. $25. The Fillmore, 29 E. Allen St. concerts1.livenation.com

MUSIC

Dave East

The arch nemesis of Steve West, cousin to Jeff South and brother to Mark North, Dave East is a rapper, just in case the photo above didn’t give it away. And before anyone gets upset, the only thing we were

pointing out was the champagne. Between champagne and 40s, seemingly the drink of choice of posing rappers, we much prefer a 40. 40s are awesome by the by. You can get drunk for legit like, $2.50. It’s a college kid’s wet dream (if you drink two of them, you’ll probably pass out and piss yourself, so that’s at least a little literal). | 8pm. Prices vary. TLA, 334 South St. concerts1.livenation.com

MUSIC

David Wax Museum

What is it with indie bands and the propensity for these names that just make you go, “hm, that’s definitely an indie hipster band that undoubtedly employs elements of ‘folk’ music?” We don’t know the answer, but we also don’t really know what “folk” means anymore. It used to mean a specific thing but, kind of like indie, it seems to have taken on a whole new meaning that’s so much broader than its original intent. In this instance, it means Latin rhythms and calland-response. But Suz Slezak, one part of the duo that makes up David Wax Museum, is actually a singer and fiddler with deep experience in Irish folk. So, in this rare instance, folk actually means what it’s supposed to mean. | 8pm. $15. The Locks Music, 4417 Main St. eventbrite.com

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 28 KID FRIENDLY

A Longwood Christmas

Here it is, already past Christmas, and we’re just now getting around to touting the amazing afternoon/evening that is a day at Longwood Gardens. Seriously, Christmas Village in the city might be the most Christmas-y place in town, but Longwood is the most Christmas-y place in the state. Heck, maybe even the entire eastern seaboard (totally transparency; we cannot confirm this fact). With miles to walk and millions of tiny lights (and oh so much more) to see and hear and taste and do, A Longwood Christmas is made for you (and you (and you (and you))). | 9am. Prices vary. Longwood Gardens, 1001 Longwood Rd, Kennett Square, PA 19348. Longwoodgardens.org

FESTIVAL

HiJinx

Look at that picture. Look at that name. If you can’t put two and two together from those things alone, then maybe you’re sightimpaired and using a screen-reader and we’re assholes and also sorry. Well, we’re definitely assholes. But not like, unnecessarily so. Just enough to keep it interesting, or at least that’s what we tell our Mom. Either way, if you’ve got the dough to spend and an itch to dance, HiJinx Music Festival is where

DECEMBER 27, 2018 - JANUARY 3, 2019

gone blind from deliciousness. Hurry, before we fall into a Dia-licious coma, take this family-friendly event that’ll teach you how to make Federal Donuts-level deliciousness in the comfort of your own home. | 1030am. $12. Free Library of Philadelphia, 1901 Vine St. eventbrite.com

Kid Friendly

Butterfly Light Festival

Music

PnB Rock

Ah, yes. Right back to our regularly scheduled programming. Which is to say, music events based in Philly. That really is our bread and butter. Speaking of bread and butter, when we first saw the name of this event, we thought it had something to do with peanut butter and, more specifically, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Which is a really underrated sandwich, assuming you’re not allergic to peanuts. Either way, this is not about peanut butter or sandwiches at all. PnB Rock, it turns out, is a #trapstarturntpopstar. #ofcourse. #pnbrockspbnj. | 8pm. Prices vary. The Met Philly, 858 N. Broad St. concerts1.livenation.com you wanna be this weekend. | 5pm. Prices vary. Pennsylvania Convention Center, 1101 Arch St. hijinxfest.com

Party

Late Bass w/ Stylust & More

What is it with the days following Christmas and bass-heavy dance jams? Is it like, some kind of subculture comeback? Like all the people who would normally be popping pills shaped like Bugs Bunny and grinding their teeth/dancing til’ the fun wears off feel just so subdued by the holidays that they have to spend the next few days getting as sweet and sweaty as possible? We don’t know the answer but we’re totally cool with it. Jams are jams and *extremely Forrest Gump voice* that’s all we got to say about that. | 12am. $20. The Music Ward, 5101 Grays Ave. latebass.theticketingco.com

Kid Friendly

Wild Lights

We’ll admit, this one, much like Longwood above, is a bit of a trek for any of you citybased folk. But we cater to you kids almost exclusively so we figured it couldn’t hurt to offer up a few options that’ll let you get up and outside your comfort zone, at least for a night. Wild Lights is, surprisingly, not another entry in the Post-Christmas Rave Scene. It’s actually a kid-friendly light show at Elmwood Park Zoo. We’re not saying you can’t party here, per se, we’re just saying you should probably leave the (adult-sized) binkie

at home. | 6pm. Prices vary. Elmwood Park Zoo, 1661 Harding Blvd, Norristown, PA 19401. Elmwoodparkzoo.org

SATURDAY, DECEMBER 29 Music

Talkpeck Soundsystem

Quick! Without look, what do you think this event is about? We’ll give you a few seconds to formulate your answers, which we will then take in the form of interpretive dances. Ok, time’s up. Whatcha got? Hm. Very interesting. And the arm … oh and look at the leg … twirling, twirling … now for the big finish … and there it is! You were right on the money! It’s a tribute project featuring the music of the Talking Heads, Vulfpeck and LCD Soundsystem. Your dancing was impeccable, but all the grunting was just unnecessary. | 1130pm. $20. Warehouse on Watts, 923 N. Watts St. ticketfly.com

Kid Friendly

Donut Making w/ Federal Donuts

We wanted to include a picture with this event, but frankly even the sight of Federal Donuts’ amazing array of delectable creations is too much for us to handle. So we’ll just have to settle for the lingering ghost of the last donut we had there, something soft and warm and pillowy and … oh god. Oh god. We’ve

16 DECEMBER 27, 2018 - JANUARY 3, 2019

This is definitely gonna be one of the weirder events of the week. Not that we mean that in a bad way at all—really, who doesn’t love butterflies? No one that’s who. Or monsters. Monsters don’t love butterflies. But kids and parents and anyone else with a conscience loves butterflies. And exotic animals. And acrobatic performances. And a freakin’ fire show. That’s it. Where’s our wallet? We need 10 tickets because we’re taking the whole squad. | 10am. $15. Insectarium and Butterfly Pavilion, 8046 Frankford Ave. phillybutterflypavilion.com

Music

Kurt Vile

Did you know that Kurt Vile’s real name is Gerald St. McGonagall? And that he isn’t really from Philly, but a small town in New Jersey called Glockenspiel? Did you also know that his favorite food is a kind of gruel he makes himself every morning out of honey, hot sauce and overcooked rice? Oh, and did you also know that he’s coming to The Met this week? One of these things is true, and we’ll give you 20 guesses to figure out which one it is. | 8pm. Prices vary. The Met Philly, 858 N. Broad St. concerts1.livenation.com

Music

Space Bacon New Years Run

Did you know that Space Bacon’s real name is … just kidding. No one knows what Space Bacon’s real name is. Or even what Space Bacon is. Some say it’s actual sentient bacon from space, crash landed in New Mexico and held hostage for years by the government in a secret facility, only to hatch a daring escape, killing most of the soldiers stationed there and then utilizing the sounds of bass to call to the others of his kind deep within the frozen cosmos, calling them here, to their new home. Others say he’s a DJ. | 1159pm. $25. The Boom Room, 1300 N. Front St. boomroomspacebacon.theticketingco.com

SUNDAY, DECEMBER 30 Party

CIA Album Release

No, this isn’t an acoustic album put together by the CIA agent who watches you through your computer’s camera and a cou-

ple of his black-clad buddies, all about the tough year you’ve had and how hilarious they found your shame and sadness to be. It’s actually a band consisting of Allen Aucoin on drums (The Disco Biscuits, Dr. Fameus), Clay Parnell on bass (Particle, BioDiesel, BP) and Ian McGuire on the keys (MJ Project, Sonic Spank, Blurry Nights). The album really is about your craptastic 2018 though. | 1030pm. $20. Warehouse on Watts, 923 N. Watts St. ticketfly.com

coMedy

John Oliver

We’ve got a funny story involving John Oliver that perfectly encapsulates why PA is infinitely better than New York. In the long ago, we went to see a comedy show at Jones Beach (yes, alt weeklys have lives, back off), of which both Oliver and Sebastian Maniscalco were to take part. The crowd fucking adored Maniscalco, laughing their heads off and braying as loudly as possible at his “the way it used to be” schtick. But the moment the word ‘Trump’ passed Oliver’s lips, the boos started, followed by a mass exodus. By the end of his set (he was the headliner), more than half of the audience was gone. | 7pm. Prices vary. The Met Philly, 858 N. Broad St. concerts1.livenation.com

Music

Gwar

Anybody out there ever seen the movie “Tower Records?” If you haven’t, we highly recommend you take an hour and a half sometime in the next week or two, maybe when you’re home from work loving, well, that you’re not at work. If you have then you already know that Gwar as a cameo in someone’s dream. And while we don’t know whether they still do the whole “fan swallowed by a giant worm thing,” we can say with confidence that, at the very least, it’s not fucking Rex Manning Day. | 8pm. $ 1 5 . Franklin Music Hall, 421 N. 7th St. ticketmaster.com

Party

Gwar Afterparty w/ Wolves Attack

This place is literally located right next door to Franklin Music Hall, so it seems an apt place to have a Gwar Afterparty (wait … do you think they did that on purpose!?). We

PHILADELPHIAWEEKLY.COM

you history buffs. Yes you, the ones who spend their weekend in old timey garb and who will, without fail, be asleep well before the clock strikes 12 on a brand new year. But that’s ok! You’ll just get your partying in a little earlier than everyone else when you hit the Betsy Ross House for some chocolate-making demonstrations, birthday cupcakes courtesy of City Tavern and, of course, some time with the Little Rebel herself. | 11am. Free. Betsy Ross House, 239 Arch St. historicphiladelphia.org

Kid Friendly

Noon Year’s Eve Bash

Music

Sunday with Strings: Laurin Talese ft. Four By Four

We really wish this event was at a park or a bandstand, so it could’ve been called “Sunday in the Park with Strings.” That really would’ve just made our year. And considering how crappy of a year it’s been, we could’ve really used the win. Either way, get ready for Bae Talese, aka Laurin Talese, to sooth your world-weary soul with lush vocal melodies as composer and bassist Dan Chmielinski and his band provide the foundation on which she will build her aural beauty. | 7pm. $15. SOUTH, 600 N. Broad St. ticketfly.com don’t know much, if anything, about Wolves Attack, but we’re willing to guess it’s loud and it’s passionate and if you listen too close, it just might make your ears bleed. Again, at least it’s not fuckin Rex Manning Day (also, again, if you haven’t seen “Tower Records” yet, do yourself that small favor, you heathen). | 10pm. $15. Voltage Lounge, 421 N. 7th St. ticketmaster.com

MONDAY, DECEMBER 31 Party

2019 New Year’s Eve Bash

We can’t make up our mind whether we want to make fun of this event or take it seriously. Honestly, $100 for any event that doesn’t include several courses and wine pairings seems plenty steep. And usually we don’t go in for the corporate kind of stuff, aka big parties thrown by businesses so they can then milk you dry. But New Year’s Eve is one of those few times where partying trumps pragmatism. So get and get your damn money’s worth. | 10pm. $100. SugarHouse Casino, 1001 N. Delaware Ave. ticketmaster.com

Party

NYE 2018 w/ VibeSquaD & Wax Future

Party on, Wayne. Party on, Garth. And party on, Philadelphia. Because really, who won’t be partying on New Year’s Eve? Not

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that there’s anything wrong with not partying (which is exactly what we’ll be doing), just that it’s like, some kind of societal law that you have to be at a gathering of at least four or more people (animals also count) by the time the ball drops. Of course, you don’t have to be dancing the night away to trip-hop and electronic beats, but that would certainly fulfill your part of the social bargain. | 10pm. $25. The Music Ward, 5101 Grays Ave. nyephilly.theticketingco.com

Party

New Years Emo 2019

Truth be told, we don’t go in for the whole, “everyone is partying so you have to party too” thing. Sure, we live to provide you wonderful events and all kinds of shit to do in and around the city, but there’s nothing that says a Friday or Saturday is meant for mucking it up at the local watering hole. Jammies and gingerbread is just as fun and fulfilling as any bar or party. To that end, New Year’s Even doesn’t have to be a rager either. Heck, it can even be the emo/screamo evening of your dreams. Because it’s your god damn party, and you can cry/scream/mosh if you friggin’ want to. | 7pm. $10. Kung Fu Necktie, 1248 N. Front St. eventbrite.com

Party

Betsy’s Birthday Bash

Our goal is to provide something for everyone this New Year’s Eve, and that includes

And now, for the most overlooked New Year’s Eve fun-seekers out there … the kids. That’s right, your little monsters know they have no chance of making it to midnight, so you better pony up and find something super awesome for them to do, otherwise it’s tantrums and tummy aches to the point that even you won’t have enough energy to watch Ryan Seacrest smile his way through every awkward pause. So hit the Franklin Institute for an afternoon of sciencey, kid-friendly fun that should (emphasis on should, though maybe more like could) save your evening. | 10am. Prices vary. The Franklin Institute, 222 N. 20th St. fi.edu

TUESDAY, JANUARY 1 Party

Origin Story : Dawn of Legends

We’ll be honest—we don’t know what the fuck this event is. It’s apparently brought to you by You Know Us (no, we don’t), a “new group made up of familiar faces in the party and event production scenes,” whose focus is creating “unique and quality experiences” that they themselves would want to attend. The fuck? By now, you’re probably asking yourself why we included this event and, the truth is, with how bad 2017 was and how much worse 2018 got, we thought it was only fitting that we start the year off with an event that mirrors exactly how we feel about 2019. Which is to say like we don’t have a single clue what to expect. | 630am. Prices vary. Warehouse on Watts, 923 N. Watts St. eventbrite.com

Party

New Year’s Day 2017 at Tattooed Mom

We’re assuming that most people are gonna be pretty partied out on New Year’s Day. If you scroll up, you’ll see just a small handful of all the wild, awake-until-6-am events that’ll be taking place across the city on Monday night. But we also know that for other people, a certain subset of socializers and thrill-seekers, the party will literally never

stop. Luckily for them, the fine folks at Tattooed Mom are right there with them. | 12pm. Free. Tattooed Mom, 530 South St. tattooedmomphilly.com

Fitness

Resolution Run

As always, and as much as it hurts us to do so at times, our aim is to provide fun events for every branch of the extended Philly family. We’ve got non-stop partying/drinking for scruffy Uncle Dave. We’ve got a strange-ass pseudo-soothing event for your mom, who you’re just now realizing is the weird aunt you always swore your family never had. And now we’ve got this, Philadelphia Runner’s Resolution Run, for your stupid sister who definitely thinks she’s better than you and can’t stop talking about the marathon she’s been training for over the past six years. Just shut up already, Lianne. Everyone knows you can’t do it. | 10am. Free. Philadelphia Runner, 1601 Sansom St. philadelphiarunner.com

Music

U.S. Bombs

What an interesting name for a band. At first, it sounds like they might be straight up asshats. But the more you think about it, the more it sets in that it’s probably intended to be tongue-in-cheek and that, in fact, they’re attempting to satirize the American militaryindustrial complex. Which a quick Google search reveals to be the case, via songs like “We are the Problem” and “American Made.” But also the lead singer used to be in a band called The Exploding Fuck Dolls, and that just … whew, boy … brings up a whole other set of issues. | 8pm. $20. Kung Fu Necktie, 1250 N. Front St. ticketfly.com

21+

Drink & Draw

Ever been upstairs at Philadelphia Brewing Company? The space is friggin’ amazing. It’s huge and airy and the ceilings are high and the bar is this awesome all-wooden thing in the middle of the room. The fact that they don’t host larger events there is beyond baffling, but our guess is it’ll start to happen sooner or later. But for now, we’ll just have to content ourselves with stuff like Drink & Draw, where you drink and then, well, you know … you draw. | 7pm. Free. Philadelphia Brewing Company, 2440 Frankford Ave. philadelphiabrewing.com

WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 2 Political

Competing Visions of the Global Order

What. The. Funk. Seriously, what the hell

DECEMBER 27, 2018 - JANUARY 3, 2019

look at us getting all sincere. We don’t gush often, so you should know we really mean it. | 6pm. Free. Amalgam Comics & Coffeehouse, 2578 Frankford Ave. meetup.com

THURSDAY, JANUARY 3 Party

Get’cha Head in the Game muSiC

Astro Living Vol 2

We’ll never understand why events like this provide literally no information whatsoever on what the event actually is. Like, of course we can all look at look at the poster and see that it says “Hosted by DJ Whateverthehellthispersonthoughtwascool”, plus like four other people, and guess that it’s gonna involve music and it’s gonna be dancey and heck, maybe that’s all people really wanna know. But if it were us, we’d at least include a note somewhere that says something like … “dance music.” Or … “electronic music.” Or even … “night of insufferable douchery.” | 730pm. Prices vary. Voltage Lounge, 421 N. 7th St. eventbrite.com is this event? We’re asking, not telling. So often we include events we’re not totally sold on just because we think it’d be funny or we can’t quite figure out what’s going on. And while this event definitely falls into that second bucket, the description of it is just vague enough, just peppered with enough buzzwords to make us scratch our heads and wonder if it’s really just a cult meeting and you definitely shouldn’t go. But do go and tell us how it is. Just don’t drink any punch while you’re there. | 10am. Free. Irvine Auditorium, 3401 Spruce St. global.upenn.edu

Show

Matilda The Musical

Roald Dahl was an amazing man. Well, author. Well, person. Well … everything. Seriously, he served in WWII as part of the Royal Air Force, eventually earning the positions of flying ace, wing commander and intelligence officer. When one of his small children was injured post-war, he took part in developing a palliative cure for his son’s chronic illness. After another of his children died as a result of measles, he became an outspoken proponent of immunization (looking at you, antivaxxers). And we haven’t even talked about his goddamn writing yet! | 8pm. Prices vary. Walnut Street Theatre, 825 Walnut St. walnutstreettheatre.org

Comedy

Improv: Jillroy & Rockefeller

Improv is so hit or miss. That’s probably part of the fun, but it’s hard not to tense up a little when you go to stuff like this, wondering if somebody might miss a beat (or ten), or maybe, worst case scenario, it just won’t be funny at all. But then you go see a show with people who actually know what they’re doing - like Jillroy & Rockefeller - and you feel the tension ease away as you scoot forward in your seat, hands already slapping your knees as you listen close and then closer for the next perfectly timed and completely improvised joke. | 9pm. $5. Philly Improv Theatre, 2030 Sansom St. eventbrite.com

Learn

Amalgam Book Club

If you’ve never been to Amalgam Comics & Coffeehouse, do yourself a favor and take a little trip there while you’ve got time off this week. It’s a beautiful space (with an admittedly wonky door—but hey, bloated wood is part of the charm!) and the owner is a Temple U. alum who’s doing her part to pour her blood, sweat and yes, even a few tears, into the Philly community. They host awesome events (like this monthly book club), plus they have great coffee, good food and amazing vibes. Oh,

18 DECEMBER 27, 2018 - JANUARY 3, 2019

How friggin’ cool. Listen to this—”a Disney-themed karaoke and dance party.” We never knew it was possible to string all of those words together in a single sentence, but someone went and did it (DJ Deejay? Also, awful name, bro, but we’ll let it slide) and we legit couldn’t be happier. Karaoke is terrifying to do but awesome to watch and listen to and jeer (lightheartedly, of course). And everyone has at least one (secret or not) Disney song that they love and know by heart and listen to on repeat whenever they’re down. Dancing is cool too … as long as you don’t have to move too much. | 9pm. $5. The Fillmore, 29 E. Allen St. concerts1.livenation.com

muSiC/Comedy/Learn

Open Mic @ 16th & Spring Garden

We don’t often include open mics, and for good reason. That reason mostly being that they’re everywhere and happening all the time and so it’s not necessarily noteworthy when one is going down. But every once in a while we like to include one just so people don’t forget the fine folks still just trying to make it, the hope-rs and dreamers who pour their heart and soul into something they don’t really have a platform from which to share. Sure, make all the jokes you want, but remember this—at least the people onstage are willing to try, and that’s more than most can say. | 630pm. Free. Hussian College, 1500 Spring Garden St. eventbrite.com

Food

Paula’s Drag Kitchen

We don’t know Timothy Antwon Toler aka Paula Deen-White, the drag queen/chef extraordinaire who will be hosting this fine evening of food and fun and finery, but if we did, we’d definitely ask if there’s a Paula Deen angle to the stage name and whether it’s meant to mock the former celebrity chef’s, ahem, questionable cultural choices of the past. But that’s not what we’re here for. We’re here for Paula’s Drag Kitchen ... just like we’re here for whatever funny shit we can all come up with to mock her leathery, overstuffed, race-baiting namesake. | 630pm. $8. Hussian College, 1500 Spring Garden St. eventbrite.com

outdoorS

Winter Solstice Bird Walk

No, Sweet Dee won’t be there, but that’s hella funny and we’re glad you made that connection too. It may not actually always be sunny in Philadelphia, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t still plenty of options for the more outdoorsy amongst us. Take this event for example. Seriously, take it … just kidding. We were possessed by the spirit of Rodney Dangerfield for a second there. Wait … Rodney Dangerfield is dead, right? Somebody look that up, Alright, anyway … where were we? Oh right. “It’s Always Sunny” really is an amazing show. Don’t love the latest season though. | 4pm. Free. The Woodlands, 4000 Woodland Ave. woodlandsphila.org

Learn

Pop-Up Museum: Sports and Leisure

The holidays are finally over, so you know what that means—Eastern State Penitentiary has finally transformed from a spooky, terrifying trips into the bowels of history to, well, a spooky, terrifying trip into the bowels of history. Crazy how nature do that, huh? Just like it’s crazy how inmates found ways to stay fit and even - gasp! - have fun while incarcerated. This pop-up look into the past provides history buffs a glimpse of prisonermade crafts, paintings, confiscated shanks and other weapons. That’s not just fun … that’s fun for the whole family! | 11am. Prices vary. Eastern State Penitentiary, 2027 Fairmount Ave. tickets.easternstate.org

PHILADELPHIAWEEKLY.COM

SAVAGE LOVE

Slight Christmas S

DAN SAVAGE

traight and married but not boring, and heading to my parents’ house for our first family Christmas since my asshole MAGA brother “stumbled over” the Tumblr blog where the wife and I posted about our sexual adventures. (Pics of MMF threesomes and crossdressing/pegging sessions, plus some dirty “true enough” stories.) My brother has always been an angry screw-up, so he leapt on the chance to make me look bad by sending the link to my parents, siblings, and even some close family friends. Our Tumblr blog is still up because we aren’t ashamed. Any advice? – Totally Uncool Malicious Bastard’s Lame Reveal

Your Tumblr blog isn’t going to be up for much longer, TUMBLR, as the company that owns Tumblr—Verizon—is ashamed of your blog and the millions of others like it. Tumblr announced last week that all “adult” content is banned as of December 17. And the definition of “adult content” is pretty broad: “photos, videos, and GIFs of human genitalia, female-presenting nipples, and any media involving sex acts, including illustrations,” although they will allow genitals and those wicked “female-presenting nipples” in images of classical art. (No contemporary junk or lady nips allowed.) This is not just a blow to people who use Tumblr for porn—and that’s most people who use Tumblr—but also to the sex work community. Sex workers had already been driven off most other online platforms by anti-sex-work crusaders, and now sex workers are being driven off Tumblr as well. Forcing sex workers off the internet won’t end sex work, the stated goal of anti-sex-work crusaders, but it will make sex work more dangerous—which tells us everything we need to know about the motives of anti-sexwork crusaders. While they claim to oppose sex work because it’s dangerous, they push policies that make sex work more dangerous. Sex workers weren’t just advertising online, they were organizing—in addition to honing and mak-

PHILADELPHIAWEEKLY.COM

ing the political argument for decriminalizing sex work, they were screening potential clients and sharing information with each other about dangerous clients. Just like anti-choice/ anti-abortion crusaders, anti-sex-work crusaders don’t want to “protect” women; they want to punish women for making choices they disapprove of. (As a general rule: If what you’re doing makes people less safe, you don’t get to claim you’re trying to protect anyone—it’s like claiming you only set houses on fire to drive home the importance of smoke alarms.) Anyway, fuck your sex-shaming/smutshaming brother, TUMBLR. As for the rest of your family, you and the wife should slap smiles on your faces and act like you’ve done nothing wrong—because you haven’t done anything wrong. Your asshole brother is the bad guy, and any family members who wish to discuss how offended they were by your Tumblr blog should be directed to speak with your brother, as he’s the one who showed it to them.

1 IN 3 ADULTS HAS PREDIABETES. COULD BE YOU, YOUR CO-PILOT, YOUR CO-PILOT’S CO-PILOT.

How can I explain to my sisters that although I am a free sexual woman, I still prefer men as sexual partners? My sisters are both involved with women and they cannot understand how, with all the awful sexual inequality in the world, I can still be primarily attracted to men. Sometimes I even imagine my sexuality as a gay man’s sexuality in a woman’s body, and I try to explain it to them in this way. I’m not a secret right-winger or someone kidding around by asking this question. This is a real issue. – Give It To Me Straight

P.S. I have a straight male friend who says he’s a lesbian trapped in a man’s body. What do you think of this? People don’t choose to be straight—some poor motherfuckers are born that way—any more than heteroromantic bisexuals choose to be heteroromantic bisexuals. You can’t help who you’re attracted to, GITMS, primarily or otherwise, and the contempt of family members can’t change a person’s sexual or romantic orientation. Your sisters should understand that, since they most likely wouldn’t be with women if the contempt of family members had that kind of power. As for describing yourself as a gay man READ MORE ONLINE!

There’s more savage Love! Read more at PhILLYWeeKLY.Com Ask a question: maIL@savageLove.neT

WITH EARLY DIAGNOSIS, PREDIABETES CAN BE REVERSED. TAKE THE RISK TEST. DoIHavePrediabetes.org DECEMBER 27, 2018 - JANUARY 3, 2019

H H H H H THE NEW! H H H H H H H H H H

EMPLOYMENT WEEKLY

facebook.com/employmentweeklymagazine EmploymentWeeklyMagazine.com

TO PLACE A RECRUITMENT DISPLAY AD CALL

856-779-3873

EMPLOYMENT

Business Opportunity

General Employment

Pizza Business for Sale Northeast Area Est. 40 years 267-939-0452

PAID RESEARCH SUBJECT SPACE MISSION SIMULATION 8 day study of resilience at Univ. of Pennsylvania. Must be healthy, 30-55 yrs. old with STEM educ. MS or BS+ equiv. exp or military exp. Compensated time & travel. Call 215-573-5855

TEACHERS NEEDED in Olney Philadelphia Work diligently with young children in an interactive and structured manner Strong classroom management Complete some administrative duties Qualifications and Skills: 3yr Experience.. CDA or Degree Preferred 3yr Experience willing to acquire CDA or Degree Send Resume to: wecare5600@gmail.com

General Employment

BLOOD DONORS All donors paid $40.00 No appointment necessary. Walk-ins welcome. Must be healthy and have proper I.D. Must provide Social Security card.Interstate Blood Bank 1250-52 N Broad St. Phila PA 19121 215-765-2554 Hrs. 7:00 AM - 3:30 PM NEW DONORS BRING THIS AD IN FOR A $10.00 BONUS AB BLOOD DONORS NEEDED Will be compensated up to $85.00 for a complete donation, starting on their 2nd visit!! In order to donate you need: Valid picture ID. SSI card Be between 18 & 70 yrs. old. Be in good health. Walk-ins are welcome. New donors will be paid $50.00 for a full donation. INTERSTATE BLOOD BANK 1250 N. BROAD STREET. PHILA PA. 19121 215-765-2554

Carpenter w/ valid drivers lic -steady work-immediate opening 215-342-7200

Construction Workers All trades. Must be experienced. 215-908-3241 COOK/LINE COOK Exp'd. 40 hr. shift avail. Apply in person: The Dining Car, 8826 Frankford Ave. Phila., GENERAL AND TREATMENT FOSTER PARENTS NEEDED Open your heart and home to children of all ages New Foundations, Inc. 215-203-8733 www.nfi4kids.org

To place your line ad call:

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Plumber w/ valid drivers lic must have min 3 years exp Immediate openings 215-342-7200 Risk & Insurance Management Analyst (RIM Analyst) Chinatown, Philadelphia, PA A-Best Insurance & Financial Services, Inc. seeks RIM Analyst to conduct research & RIM analysis, provide commercial RIM analysis, underwriting support, risk management recommendations & solutions. Req.: BS in Finance, Risk Management or closely related fields; Excel in Data Analysis, Risk Management knowledge, & oral and written skills; Detail oriented. WEEKLY Email Alan Liu abestinc7@gmail.com

SECRETARY/ LEASING AGENT - F/T Located in NE Phila. Pleasant person with good phone skills, to show apts., process applications, minimal secretarial work. Email resume to: nsgprop@gmail.com or Call 732-886-6830 FLAGGERS ($12.50/hr) Traffic Plan seeks Flaggers to set up and direct traffic around construction sites. A valid PA driver license and clean driving record a must, good pay and benefits. If interested please fill out an application at 510 Hertzog Blvd, King of Prussia, PA on Monday’s 10am - 2pm or online at trafficplan.com.

YOUR HERO

CARED FOR YOU.

YOUR HERO

NOW, YOU CARE FOR HER.

CARED FOR YOU.

NOW, YOU CARE FOR HER.

Your Success Starts Here H H H H H H H THE NEW! H H H H H H H H H

EMPLOYMENT WEEKLY

Don’t Miss Our Find the Care Guides you need to care for your loved one at Job ListingsFind the Care Guides you need to 1-877-333-5885 care for your loved one New Every aarp.org/caregiving Week! aarp.org/caregiving 1-877-333-588

TO PLACE A DISPLAY AD IN EW CALL

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20 DECEMBER 27, 2018 - JANUARY 3, 2019

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An application for registration of the fictitious name Sirner Consulting, 2400 Chestnut Street, Apt 607, Philadelphia, PA 19103 has been filed in the Department of State at Harrisburg, PA, File Date 11/07/2018 pursuant to the Fictitious Names Act, Act 1982-295. The names and address(s) of the people who are a party to the registration are Ari Sirner and H Boo LLC, 2400 Chestnut Street, Apt 607, Philadelphia, PA 19103.

Purchase a Pennsylvania fishing license now for a whole year’s worth of fun.

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For more information contact: RealEstate@ phillyweekly.com

FOR RENT

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Windows

8TH & FEDERAL 2nd. flr., $1450/mo.+. Updated kitchen with s/s appliances, w/d, hrdwd. flrs., 267-240-9200 Apartments for Rent

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Grant Garden Apartments Winter Special, 1 & 2 BR, 1 BA. $775 - $980 includes water. Laundry room on site. Off of Blvd. 215-464-6411

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GoneFishingPa.com PROFESSIONAL SERVICES PennSCAN

Wanted to Buy: FREON R12 WANTED: CERTIFIED BUYER will PAY CA$H for R12 cylinders or cases of cans. (312)291-9169; www.refrigerantfinders.com

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NOTICES Legal Notices

Telecommunications Facility Eco-Site, Inc. has submitted a request to the FCC to register an existing approx. 100ʼ tall monopole telecommunications tower with no marking or lighting system to be located at 2903 Chalmers Ave., Philadelphia, PA 19132; coordinates of 40 0 0.86 N, 75 10 32.01 W. Interested parties may review the application by going to the FCCʼs Antennae Structure Registration (ASR) website and entering the ASR application # A1121386. Members of the public may raise environmental concerns about the existing structure by filing a Request for Environmental Review with the FCC. The FCC strongly encourages interested parties to file such requests online and instructions to do so can be found on the FCCʼs Environmental Request page (http://www.fcc.gov/asr/environmentalrequest) or send to: Ramon Williams, Federal Communications Commission, 445 12th Street, SW, Washington, DC 20554. Requests should also be sent to: FDH Infrastructure Services, ATTN: Richard Brainerd, 6521 Meridien Drive, Raleigh, NC 27616. In order for your comments to receive full and timely consideration, they should be received at the addresses above within 30 days of the date of this notice and reference FCC ASR file # A1121386. Telecommunications Facility Eco-Site, Inc. has submitted a request to the FCC to register an existing approx. 100ʼ tall monopole telecommunications tower with no marking or lighting system to be located at 532 W. Annsbury Street, Philadelphia, PA 19140; coordinates of 40 1 16.46 N, 75 8 8.78 W. Interested parties may review the application by going to the FCCʼs Antennae Structure Registration (ASR) website and entering the ASR application # A1121389. Members of the public may raise environmental concerns about the existing structure by filing a Request for Environmental Review with the FCC. The FCC strongly encourages interested parties to file such requests online and instructions to do so can be found on the FCCʼs Environmental Request page (http://www.fcc.gov/asr/environmentalrequest) or send to: Ramon Williams, Federal Communications Commission, 445 12th Street, SW, Washington, DC 20554. Requests should also be sent to: FDH Infrastructure Services, ATTN: Richard Brainerd, 6521 Meridien Drive, Raleigh, NC 27616. In order for your comments to receive full and timely consideration, they should be received at the addresses above within 30 days of the date of this notice and reference FCC ASR file # A1121389

The following self-storage Unit contents containing household and other goods will be sold for cash by CubeSmart 501 Callowhill Street Philadelphia 19123 to satisfy a lien on January 8, 2019 at approx. 11:00 am at: www.storagetreasures.com: Unit 1055 Maurice Hall/F S Jeans, Unit 2089 Bienvenido Arias-Contreras, Unit 2134 Zubair Abdul-Wahhab, Unit 2192 Elisa Buratto, Unit 3163 Zubair Abdul-Wahhab, Unit 4009 Peter John Wirs

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Legal Notices

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LISTINGS

PennSCAN

FIND US ONLINE!

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NOTICES

.COM

REAL ESTATE LISTINGS

PROFESSIONAL SERVICES

MERCHANDISE FOR SALE Flea Market

Indoor Antique & Vintage Flea Market THIS SATURDAY, DECEMBER 29TH

More Than 75 Vendors!

Free Parking / Free Admission / ATM / Food Court / Handicap Accessible

215-625-FLEA (3532) | www.PhilaFleaMarkets.org

Penns Landing Caterers Inside The Sheet Metal Workers Union Hall 1301 S. Columbus Blvd. | South Phila. Just Off The Columbus Blvd Exit Of I-95 Between Washington & Reed

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DECEMBER 27, 2018 - JANUARY 3, 2019

You can either

can either goYou hat in

hand go hat or...

hand

or. . .

Go Solo. If you want to

invest in a property, and you don’t have tons of money, Go Solo. If you want to invest in a you’ll go begging at most property, and you don’t have tons of real estate brokers. Solo Real money, you’ll go begging at most real estate Estate can help you ﬁnd the brokers. SoloinReal property you want, any Estate area can help you I’VE NEVER find the property of Philadelphia, at a priceyou youwant, in any area of Philadelphia, at a price you canUNDERSTOOD afford. WHY MY can afford.

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C a l l u s a t 2 1 5 - 5 6 4 - 7 6 5 6 o r v i s i t s o l o r e a l t y . c o m 2017 Chancellor Street _Ads_Color_05.12.14.indd 16 19103 Philadelphia, PA

— HARPER adopted 08-18-09

To all of our Readers and Advertisers

Happy Holidays From Philadelphia Weekly

22 DECEMBER 27, 2018 - JANUARY 3, 2019

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The Philadelphia Region’s leading independent brokerage. EWRhomes.com Elfant Wissahickon Realtors @ewrhomes PHILADELPHIAWEEKLY.COM

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DECEMBER 27, 2018 - JANUARY 3, 2019

Windows & Doors

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215-307-4854 609-920-5214 856-545-9140 TheFibrexWindow.com 1 Renewal by Andersen of Greater Philadelphia is an independently owned and operated affiliate operating in the Delaware Valley (PA, NJ, DE). Offer not available in all areas. Discount applied by retailer representative at time of contract execution and applies to purchase of 3 or more windows and/or entry or patio doors. Cannot be combined with other offers. To qualify for discount offer, initial contact for a free Window and Door Diagnosis must be made and documented on or before 12/31/18, with the appointment then occurring no more than 10 days after the initial contact. No payments and deferred interest for 12 months available to well qualified buyers on approved credit only. Not all customers may qualify. Higher rates apply for customer with lower credit ratings. Financing not valid with other offers or prior purchases. No Finance Charges will be assessed if promo balance is paid in full in 12 months. Renewal by Andersen retailers are independently owned and operated retailers, and are neither brokers nor lenders. Any finance terms advertised are estimates only, and all financing is provided by third-party lenders unaffiliated with Renewal by Andersen retailers, under terms and conditions arranged directly between the customer and such lender, all subject to credit requirements. Renewal by Andersen retailers do not assist with, counsel or negotiate financing, other than providing customers an introduction to lenders interested in financing. PA Lic. # 001884. NJ Lic. # 13VH05055400. J&M Windows, Inc, d/b/a Renewal by Andersen of Greater Philadelphia. “Renewal by Andersen” and all other marks where denoted are marks of Andersen Corporation. ©2018 Andersen Corporation. All rights reserved. ©2018 Lead Surge LLC. All rights reserved. *Using U.S. and imported parts. **See limited warranty for details.

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