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'LYLQH Renovation As congregations dwindle, underused religious buildings find ways to attract community groups and keep developer wrecking balls at bay SEE PAGE 10
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FROM THE EDITOR
Speaking freely KERITH GABRIEL
O
ver the weekend I caught up with a longtime friend who just had to tell me this joke he’d heard to gauge how I felt about it. Let me preface by saying that I’ve known this friend since high school--someone that I’ve been through the ringer with. He’s White, but has never said anything derogatory to me or my family. He’s always been my good friend and undoubtedly in one-on-one situations or even in our own social circles, we’ve said things we probably shouldn’t. But this one really stuck. What do ďŹ ve Black guys call one White guy in America? Coach. What do 500 Black guys call one White guy in America? Warden. He looked at me quizzically as if waiting to see how I, a Black man, might react. I looked at him and simply replied, ‘bro, that’s not funny.’ He quickly responded and said (and I’m paraphrasing), “I know, man. I’m sorry. But I had to tell you to see your reaction. Someone told me and when I was taken aback by it they looked at me like I was crazy.â€? Now let that sink in. The fact that’s even a joke in this day and age should tell you all you need to know about the state of our nation right now. In this emboldened society, it has become the norm to say what you feel regardless of who it might offend. At the same time, I’ll argue that our society is getting soft as we allow people that make statements to continually get under our skin--it seems a person can’t speak their mind without someone else getting offended, whistleblowing or
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vilifying someone for merely sounding their opinion. It’s just the uber-sensitive, hyper-focused politically correct world we live in now. But this was different. Because it sparked a conversation. Between not just friends but two guys, one a White guy from an afuent family and his longtime Black friend from a completely different background. He told me that even though it’s not the ideals of his parents, that other members of his doting family share similar sentiments when it comes to a view of minorities, sentiments that would’ve made me rethink why the hell am I friends with this guy in the ďŹ rst place. “My uncle Ron, he’d would’ve laughed at that joke all day,â€? my friend conďŹ ded. “That one is right up his alley.â€? We live in a country where whether or not you agree with it, people have a right to say or feel however they want about anything. I think the events of the past few years since the Election have proved that. Even locally this week, the saga that has been Temple University professor Marc Lamont Hill’s address to the United Nations raised arguments in the comments section on free speech, even if it’s offensive. People have the right to say whatever they want, and I respect that. But we need to stop thinking that coming from the same racial and social constructs makes it OK to crack disparaging jokes or comments at the expense of people that look different. How do we do that? I don’t know, but in reection I really, really wish I could evoke a solutions angle in this piece. The regression of us moving closer as a country — and even locally as a city — is apparent. But perhaps the change starts to arise when more people like my buddy, a White man who stood up and allowed himself to be different in an alltoo familiar situation when he so easily could have just laughed and been one of the guys, decided to be better. Ultimately? We all need to just be better. TWITTER: @SPRTSWTR
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Connect with us: @PhillyWeekly EDITORIAL Kerith Gabriel, Editor kgabriel@philadelphiaweekly.com Andrea Cantor, Senior Staff Writer acantor@philadelphiaweekly.com
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CONTRIBUTORS Daniel Barnes, Kriston Bethel, Courtenay Harris-Bond, John N. McGuire, Jared Brey, Jon Hurdle, Dan Savage, Shealyn Kilroy, Mark Makela, Timaree Schmit, Heidi Wiley, Resolve Philadelphia BUSINESS Dan McDonough, Publisher dmcdonough@philadelphiaweekly.com Deidre Simms, Director of Major Accounts dsimms@newspapermediagroup.com PRODUCTION Mark Homer, Design & Layout PHILADELPHIA WEEKLY 1520 Locust St. Fifth Floor, Philadelphia, Pa. 19102 Phone: (844) 469-6336 Classified: 215-354-3054 mail@philadelphiaweekly.com
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– Tuesday night chatter over police scanners during a massive manhunt that saw multiple police cars and a PPD helicopter combing the streets of East Kensington in the search for a suspect. '(&(0%(5
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At the time we penned this week’s State of the City, that number marked the Sixers record since the acquisition of forward Jimmy Butler on Nov. 12. Overall, the team sits third in the NBA’s Eastern Conference with a 19-9 record. Also three is the number of games remaining the Eagles schedule this season. For those who think that Sunday’s loss to the Cowboys was damning, well it was but there’s still an inkling of hope for the postseason. Overall, the NFC is pretty abysmal, so all the Birds (6-7) need to do is finish the season with a better record than the Panthers (6-7) and the Vikings (66-1) to grab the final Wild Card spot. No pressure. Q
+( 6$,' ,7 Ĺ’)RUJHW WKDW WKHLU JHODWR ZDV LQFUHGLEOH ,Ĺ?P VDG WRGD\ WR VHH 3KLOO\ >ORVH@ D VPDOO EXVLQHVV 7KH W\SH RI VPDOO EXVLQHVV WKDW KHOSHG LWV HPSOR\HHV ZKHQ WKH\ FRXOG , FDQĹ?W LPDJLQH JHWWLQJ WKDW NLQG RI FRPSDVVLRQ DQG JHQHURVLW\ IURP DQ $PD]RQ IRU LQVWDQFH 'DPQ ZKDW D WUXH ORVV IRU 3KLOO\ Ĺ“ – Street artist historian, curator and activist Conrad Benner on the loss of Capogiro, which closed its doors this week after 16 delicious years in Philadelphia. Benner once worked at the establishment and noted the company’s over-the-top treatment of its employees. However, all might not be lost. Earlier this week, co-owner Stephanie Reitano told Philly. com that the city wanted to meet with the her and husband, John. However for now, the couple was forced to close all locations, to the dismay of scores of people who came out in support on Sunday. 3+,/$'(/3+,$:((./< &20
&+(&. 7+,6 287 Women of color in Philadelphia have a one-stop shop catering to their individual hair, beauty and other supplies courtesy of a fellow Philadelphian frustrated over the lack of options for women that look like her. On Dec. 13, Marsh + Mane is scheduled to open its doors at 4th and South Sts., with a grand opening boasting a selection of hair and skin products in addition to bath accessories and items to create your own beauty concoctions. “As a professional, African-American woman in Philadelphia, I noticed that I could find a curated shopping experience for just about everything I needed to purchase except for my hair care,�said Marsh + Mane owner Jenea Robinson. “I wanted to create an inspirational haven where woman of color could purchase these important items from knowledgeable staff without feeling rushed or followed.� Q
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The number of new stores Wawa has opened in Philadelphia this year alone. Coming off a recent announcement of the biggest store located on a college campus at its Drexel location on 34th and Market St., the convenience chain continued to spread its wings this week. On Dec. 14, Wawa is scheduled to celebrate the opening of its latest Philly-based location on 6th and Chestnut Sts., in Old City with the celebration expected to last through the weekend. The location is located directly across from Independence Mall, which we’re sure many that live in the Greater Philadelphia Region (ahem, we’re looking at you Delco) can’t think of anything more American. '(&(0%(5
% -u Dunn emailed a counterpoint to each of the opposition’s arguments. In an effort to create a balanced narrative, here are the pros and cons for Abernathy’s appointment directly from the opposition’s letter and from Dunn on behalf of the City of Philadelphia.
1. Restructuring of PRA and the Philadelphia Land Bank
IMAGE: ANDREA CANTOR
Sixteen organizations signed a letter to Mayor Jim Kenney and took to protest the appointment of Brian Abernathy to City managing director based on his recorded history with marginalized groups.
Stand by your man
Hate the idea of Brian Abernathy as managing director of Philadelphia? City has a flip side to that coin BY ANDREA CANTOR
S
ixteen community organizations have signed a letter to Mayor Jim Kenney denouncing his choice of Brian Abernathy as managing director of Philadelphia. The letter states: “Brian Abernathy is the wrong choice for such a powerful position. Through his actions on immigration, police accountability, and gentriďŹ cation, he has proven he does not share our values and had no place in city administration. Brian Abernathy should be ďŹ red.â€? Abernathy has held the position of executive director of the Philadelphia Redevelopment Authority (2013-2015) and ďŹ rst deputy managing director (2016-present). He is set to assume his new role as managing director in January 2019. Abernathy opponents protested in the snow by the Octavius Catto Statue City Hall on Dec. 5. Raising their objections, the various groups argued eight overarching points: restructuring of PRA and the Philadelphia Land Bank, use of eminent domain, collaboration with U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE), stop-and-frisk, a costly body camera contract, police accountability, block party oversight and safe injection sites. “I think it’s really important in our communities for folks of color and immigrants, whether documented or undocumented, to
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feel safe,â€? said Gwen Snyder, an AbolishICEPHL activist who also helped organize the #BelieveSurvivors Philly walkout against Brett Kavanaugh’s supreme court justice appointment in September. “They are our neighbors and Brian Abernathy has consistently worked to undermine our neighbor’s sense of safety.â€? The activist groups against Abernathy’s appointment include: AbolishICEPHL, Americans for Democratic Action, Asian Americans United, Black and Brown Workers Cooperative, Coalition to Abolish Death By Incarceration, Free Migration Project, Green Party of Philadelphia, Human Rights Coalition, LaSalle YDSA, Philly Democratic Socialists of America, Pennsylvania Federation BMWEB/ IBT, Pennsylvania Immigration and Citizenship Coalition (PICC), Philadelphia Tenants Union, Shut Down Berks Coalition, Socialist Alternative Philadelphia and Stadium Stompers. “We absolutely respect the right of this group to make their demands, and a representative of the Mayor received their letter this afternoon,â€? Deputy Communications Director of the City of Philadelphia Mike Dunn told Philadelphia Weekly on Dec. 5. “I can say that many of the issues raised by the group regarding Brian Abernathy’s tenure are overstated or, in some cases, factually wrong.â€? In a follow-up, PW asked what speciďŹ cally had been “overstatedâ€? or “factually wrong.â€?
What the opposition says: While Executive Director of the PRA, Abernathy helped create the Philadelphia Land Bank. The PLB streamlines the process of selling publicly owned land and abandoned houses, and greatly reduces community oversight in the process. As Executive Director of PRA, Abernathy created standards for private companies to purchase PRA land; monetary amount offered, economic inclusion, and social impact. However, these standards are not clearly deďŹ ned, and there is little community oversight or input on the projects of the PRA. What the City says: When Brian took over as Executive Director of the PRA, the organization was running a multi-million dollar deďŹ cit, lacked clear direction and had signiďŹ cant morale issues. When he took control, he presented the ďŹ rst complete budget – a balanced one – to the Board of Directors. To do that, he restructured the organization and focused on speciďŹ c projects. Working with the City, he reinvigorated the Trades staff and began to complete small capital projects for the City. The renegotiation of the Gallery Lease allowed for both the redevelopment of the property as well as eliminated the singlelargest liability on the PRA’s balance sheet. Through a loan, Brian completed the capital stack that allowed for the redevelopment of the Divine Lorraine Hotel and developed a workforce housing model that used the PRA’s assets as a partial incentive for mixed income neighborhoods. He completed the country’s largest Urban Renewal Area in Eastwick by buying the development rights from Korman Properties. Finally, He supported dozens of affordable housing projects in various Philadelphia communities. He also improved morale and signed a contract with 1971 for the ďŹ rst time in more than 10 years.
2. Use of Eminent Domain: James Dupree Studios case study What the oppositions says: While Brian Abernathy served as Executive Director of PRA, the organization attempted to seize Philadelphia artist James Dupree’s community art studio using eminent domain, demolish the building, and sell it for private investment. PRA attempted to pay Philadelphia artist James Dupree $600,000 for his studio (later appraised at $2.2 million), then condemned it in an attempt to evict. Dupree had bought the dilapidated warehouse in 2005 and invested in turning the studio into a thriving community space; hosting art classes and mentorship programs. Under Abernathy’s leadership PRA launched a multi-year court battle to seize and bulldoze Dupree’s studio/community center and turn it over to private developers. Dupree
was able to keep his studio. What the City says: The taking of James Dupree’s property was required to complete a project designed to bring a grocery store to the Mantua community (a recognized food desert). The project was supported by the Nutter Administration and Councilwoman Blackwell and was initiated in 2012 - prior to Brian becoming Executive Director. In 2014, at Brian’s recommendation, the developer, Councilwoman and Mayor all agreed that Mr. Dupree should be allowed to keep the Studio and the project was dropped. Like many, Brian has concerns about eminent domain and how Philadelphia has used its condemnation powers, historically. Eminent Domain is a traumatic act – some see the taking of someone’s home or business as an attack. While eminent domain will always be necessary under select circumstances, the government should recognize its traumatic impact on property owners and the surrounding community.
3. ICE and Philadelphia Police What the opposition says: A Police Commissioner Memorandum from 2001 prohibits police ofďŹ cers from disclosing immigration status to federal immigration authorities unless the person is ‘suspected of engaging in criminal activities.’ In 2009, Mayor Nutter signed executive order 8.09, prohibiting ofďŹ cers from asking Philadelphians about immigration status, or disclosing that status to ICE without ICE providing a federal judicial warrant for a violent crime. In 2014, another executive order signed by Nutter prohibited Philadelphia Police from detaining people for ICE (ICE holds), and turning over Philadelphians with no criminal convictions to ICE. Under Abernathy’s leadership the Philadelphia police department (and Abernathy himself) have repeatedly violated those policies. Abernathy has said that ofďŹ cers are not prohibited from sharing information with ICE on someone’s immigration status if the ofďŹ cer ‘somehow learned it,’ or if the person was suspected of a crime. OfďŹ cers continue to violate city policies; retaining or reporting undocumented people at trafďŹ c stops, and inquiring about their documentation status based on perceived ethnicity. Abernathy has defended these ofďŹ cers, calling their actions a ‘simple misunderstanding of policy.’ Abernathy has not prioritized training his ofďŹ cers on Philadelphia immigration policy, and allows these human rights violations (as well as Stop and Frisk violations) to continue. With Abernathy at the helm, it is no surprise that the Philadelphia ICE ďŹ eld ofďŹ ce “arrests more immigrants without criminal convictions than any other ICE region.â€? This is a clear violation of city policies and human rights, and demonstrates a clear disregard for the wellbeing of Philadelphians; his leadership jeopardizes decades of work to make Philadelphians a true Sanctuary City. Abernathy himself has repeatedly called Immigration
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% -u and Customs Enforcement on people being released on bail--violating city policy, mayoral directives, and Philadelphia’s sanctuary status. In 2014 Mayor Nutter signed an executive order forbidding Philadelphia police to detain people for ICE. On ďŹ ve separate occasions Abernathy has called ICE to inform them on people without documentation being released from jail. Not only does this violate city policy, but also the policy and expressed directives of Mayor Kenney. What the City says: Brian’s testimony in the Sanctuary City trial on our policies was clear - the City’s Executive Order declares that immigration status is conďŹ dential and should not be shared, no matter how it was discovered. There have been instances where ofďŹ cers have improperly detained individuals or have notiďŹ ed ICE inappropriately. When reported, an Internal Affairs investigation takes place and when the charges are founded, progressive discipline is applied. We continue to encourage advocates and service agencies to ďŹ le Complaints Against Police and to notify us when issues arise.
4. Stop and frisk What the opposition says: The unconstitutional, racist, and unethical practice of Stop and Frisk continues to violate the rights of Philadelphia’s (predominantly black and brown people) across the city. Stop and Frisk practices explicitly demonstrate the damage Philadelphia Police conduct on black and brown communities. Neighborhoods that are primarily African American have 70% more reports of people being illegally stopped than neighborhoods that are primarily white. Under Abernathy’s leadership one in ďŹ ve stops by Philadelphia Police were conducted with no reasonable suspicion.While the number of reported stop and frisks are decreasing, this may be due to the very low standards Abernathy set forward on what constitutes reasonable suspicion, as well as a reclassiďŹ cation of “sight arrests,â€? where they no longer count as a ‘stop and frisk.’ Kenney campaigned on the promise to end stop and frisk, and so far has not been able to control ofďŹ cers who illegally stop Philadelphians on the street. Under Abernathy’s leadership ofďŹ cers are rarely held accountable for a violation of policies, and continue to violate the human rights of Philadelphians--especially black and brown people. What the City says: Brian has supported the Police Department’s efforts to reduce unconstitutional pedestrian stops. In the City’s most recent report, the City notes that the Philadelphia Police Department continues to achieve drastically reduced numbers of pedestrian stops occurring without ofďŹ cers properly documenting the requisite reasonable suspicion. For the ďŹ rst and second quarters of 2018, PPD estimates only 16% (6,773 out of 41,661) of stops were made without properly documented reasonable suspicion. These are the lowest numbers of stops conducted
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without properly documented reasonable suspicion and total number of stops during any two quarters – separately or combined – since the onset of this litigation. These numbers mark an enormous decrease from the estimated 91,977 stops in the ďŹ rst and second quarters of 2015 of which an estimated 53 percent (48,539) were made without properly documented reasonable suspicion.
5. Body camera contract What the opposition says: Abernathy made the expensive and embarrassing mistake of negotiating the city’s contract with a private company to purchase body cameras for ofďŹ cers. Abernathy signed a four year, no competition/no bid, $12.5 million contract with Axon. Axon’s storage systems only work with its own devices, and the city contract apparently couldn’t afford to overhaul storage; making the use of data from body cameras much more difďŹ cult. The city also overpaid for camera over 400% compared to contracts with Axon in other cities: Philadelphia spends $400/camera (LA spends $99/camera). Whether Abernathy signed on to this contract because of incompetency, political corruption, or an attempt to thwart oversight and systemic use of the camera is up for debate. What the City says: Brian neither negotiated or signed the contract, although did make the decision to move forward. The City had recently invested in an evidence management system. When we began testing body worn camera systems, one requirement was that they must be compatible with that system. Additionally, through the pilot, only 2 cameras were determined to meet PPD’s requirements – Axon and Wolf. In the meantime, Axon purchased the evidence management system company – a calculated move that guaranteed that they would be the only company that could compete for Philadelphia’s business. As such, we moved forward knowing Axon was the only company we could use. We found the least expensive vehicle we could to move forward. To replace the evidence management system and BWC, the implementation of BWC would have been delayed for years.
8. Safe injection and overdose prevention sites What the opposition says: While Abernathy apparently has had a change of heart, initially his response to advocates who wanted to create the life-saving spaces was ‘hell no.’ After visiting Seattle and Vancouver, WA, Abernathy has apparently changed his mind. However, he is still apprehensive about the new policy, calling safe-injection sites “shooting galleries sanctioned by the city� What the City says: Brian has been one of the strongest voices in the Administration in support of Overdose Preventions Sites, actively advising SafeHouse, and advocating with the US Attorney and the PA Attorney General. Q TWITTER: @ANDREAJCANTOR
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IMAGE: CHRIS KENDIG
Community members gathered en masse earlier this month to discuss plans for the Wharton-Wesley United Methodist Church, a Cobbs Creek institution with a dwindling congregation, but a great space for other vital community events.
Divine Renovation As congregations dwindle, underused religious buildings find ways to attract community groups and keep developer wrecking balls at bay BY JON HURDLE
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ituated in the Cobbs Creek section of West Philadelphia, the Wharton-Wesley United Methodist Church once had a congregation of close to 700 people but that has dwindled to 150, and only about a third of those show up for services on a typical Sunday. Like many other religious buildings in Philadelphia, the church has plenty of underused space to host community groups whose presence helps to build the church’s value as a community hub and prevent its physical deterioration or even closure. It’s already used by groups including Alcoholics Anonymous, Girl Scouts and a kickboxing class, but it wants more people and more activity in its 29,000 square feet, so has joined with two other religious institutions, three community groups and teams of design professionals in a program that reimagines the spaces in a way that would help them become more vibrant community assets. The program, “Sacred Places Civic Spaces,� would redesign Wharton-Wesley UMC, along with Zion Baptist Church on North Broad Street and the Philadelphia Masjid in
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Mill Creek, to make them more usable for community groups while helping them resist developers or the wrecking ball. The initiative is the work of the Community Design Collaborative, which provides pro bono design services to nonproďŹ ts in Greater Philadelphia, and Partners for Sacred Spaces, a Philadelphia-based nonproďŹ t that helps the congregations of historic religious sites to better serve their communities. Community partners are the People’s Emergency Center for the Masjid project; ACHIEVEability for the Wharton-Wesley plan, and Called to Serve CDC for the Zion Baptist redesign. The program is funded by $500,000 from the William Penn Foundation. Plans for the three institutions were unveiled on Dec. 4 at the Center for Architecture and Design on Arch Street where some 300 community members, designers, public ofďŹ cials and academics gathered to hear how the spaces would be remade. At Wharton-Wesley, designers led by Brawer & Hauptman Architects announced plans to reactivate the space by focusing on food, with programs on gardening, cooking and after-school activities. The plan includes a renovated kitchen and hall where the church can expand its existing food ministry; a garden
that would replace a parking lot, and a rebuilt entry-way to make the church building more accessible and inviting to the public. At the Philadelphia Masjid on Wyalusing Avenue, designers led by HOK, an architecture ďŹ rm, submitted a plan that includes classroom space, a public cafĂŠ and a playground to make better use of a building that has been underused since a school there closed about 10 years ago. And at Zion Baptist, designers led by the architecture ďŹ rm Studio 6mm envision a remade space including a business incubator, a STEM education training center, and a grocery store. In 2017, a survey by Pew Charitable Trusts found that nearly 10 percent of Philadelphia’s 839 historic sacred spaces have been repurposed, another 5 percent were vacant and that between 2011 and 2015, more than 20 were demolished to make way for new development. Rev. David Brown, pastor of WhartonWesley, said his declining congregation has not only resulted in an under-used space, but has strained the church’s relationship with the community. Brown said the congregation has been asking itself whether the Cobbs Creek commu-
nity would even know or care if the church closed its doors, so is wholeheartedly in favor of the redesign program because it would revitalize the church’s role as a community hub. “People don’t come to church – not just our church, church in general,â€? Brown said. “So being able to be more of a community resource, we will be able to better serve the community whether people show up on Sunday or not.â€? According to Partners for Sacred Spaces, 87 percent of the community-group members who use them are not members of that religious community. If implemented, the redesign program could offer a lifeline to a large building that has high maintenance costs that are beyond the ability of a dwindling and ageing congregation to support. The combination has led church authorities to ask whether it’s better to keep the building open or sell it and use the proceeds to pursue its ministry elsewhere, Brown said. But with the prospect of additional rent from community groups using a redesigned space, participation in Sacred Places Civic Spaces has forestalled any decision to close the church. Brown estimated that the renovations would cost at least $250,000, and it’s not clear where that money, or the construction costs of the other two projects, would come from. Beth Miller, executive director of the Community Design Collaborative, said possible sources of funding include the Reinvestment Fund, a Philadelphia group that supports projects such as affordable housing and health centers in low-income areas; low-income tax credits, or historic preservation tax credits. “The work is not ďŹ nished with just the design,â€? she said. “The concept allows the congregations and their partners to see if they can get the ďŹ nancing necessary to undertake something.â€? Despite the ďŹ nancial uncertainties, the initiative has facilitated a conversation between the parties that would not have happened otherwise, Miller said. “If we can help them ďŹ gure out how to maintain their underutilized space or share it more broadly, they will have more active stewards of the space,â€? she said. “If we do nothing, and they become abandoned, then there’s the possibility of blight.â€? Collaboration between faith groups and community organizations may yield unexpected results, argued Bob Jaeger, president of Partners for Sacred Spaces. “We are about enlivening institutions that are often misjudged. They are seen as just places of worship, and we know already they have a larger community role,â€? Jaeger said. “If design can make these places lively, and exciting and fundable, then we’ve succeeded.â€? Q TWITTER: @JONAHURDLE
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* + as you go. LOVE Park, 1500 Arch St. philachristmas.com/
Winter Punk Rock Flea Market
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If your loved ones are hardcore punk rockers then look no further than the Winter Punk Rock Flea Market at Bok. The market will be filled with hundreds of insanely cool vendors selling clothes, records, crafts, arts and more. If you’re already looking for excuses to prolong the shopping inevitable, don’t count on needing to stay home with the dog. Fido is welcomed too — on a leash of course! | Dec. 14: 4-10pm Dec. 16: 10am-5pm. $5 at the door, kids 12 and under are free. Bok Building (Boys & Girls Gyms and Hallway), 1901 S. 9th St. phillyprfm.com
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Fishtown Flea Holiday Market at La Colombe If shopping gets you overwhelmed, but you still rather help your local scene than hop onto Amazon for some two-day shipping action then Fishtown Flea Holiday Market has got you covered. Highlighting quality over quantity, this market has 10+ local vendors. Among many craft items, shop for candles, jewelry, apparel and ceramics. | Dec. 15. 5-8pm. Free admission. La Colombe Coffee Roasters, 1335 Frankford Ave. fishtownflea.us IMAGE: ANDREA CANTOR
Shopping local for that special gift has never been easier courtesy of a host of pop-ups and tiny markets all around the city this holiday season.
Let these five holiday markets come to your last minute shopping rescue BY ANDREA CANTOR
Made in Philadelphia Holiday Market
et the countdown begin. Christmas is less than two weeks away, and despite your 2018 New Year’s resolution to stop procrastinating, presents are still amorphous concepts. Internal panic lights ashing red, you wonder if you’ll have to resort to a gas station bought bouquet, stack of mags or pack of cigs — even though your sweetie doesn’t smoke. But relax, and suck on a candy cane. Here are ďŹ ve holiday markets that will save your caboose from the dog house.
Support your local scene this holiday season. Comprised of more than 40 vendor tents, each topped with Herrnhut Stars, you will be sure to find that special holiday gift for that special someone. | Nov. 17-Jan. 1. Sunday-Thursday: 11am - 7pm. FridaySaturday: 11 am-8 pm. Dilworth Park, 1 S. 15th St. Free admission. centercityphila.org/parks/dilworth-park/winter/market
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TWITTER: @ANDREAJCANTOR
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Holiday Art Star Pop Up Market Peruse 30 vendors of local makers and shakers at this curated market. Showcasing a variety of goods, you’ll be able to check everyone off your holiday list. Think you and your special someone are ready for the responsibility of a plant baby this holiday season? Then visit City Planter and make your own terrarium. Shopping nerves on blast? Calm down with the best stress reliever, chocolate at the Shane Confectionery stand which will also be doing daylong demonstrations of how they make their clear toy candy. Once you do find those long-sought for presents, get them wrapped by the Gift Wrapping Station elves with proceeds benefiting MANNA (Metropolitan Area Neighborhood Nutrition Alliance). | Dec. 15: 11am-8pm. Dec. 16: 11am-4pm. Cherry Street Pier, 121 N. Columbus Blvd. delawareriverwaterfront.com/events/art-startholiday-market
Christmas Village If you need to trick yourself into holiday shopping, what better place to deceive yourself than the Christmas Village? Treat yourself with some hot cocoa, beer or mulled wine as you go by 80+ vendors housed in wooden huts. Something is bound to catch your eye while you’re snacking on delicious European eats. | Running through Dec. 24. Sun.-Thur.: 11am-7pm. Fri.-Sat.: 11am-8pm. Pay
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* + actually doing some groundbreaking work in the ďŹ eld right now and making all kinds of weird stuff up there that we are calling ‘wilderness to table.’ For instance, our blueberry mushroom cordial is made from wild mushrooms and blueberries. Art in the Age is always been about avor and the discovery of that avor.
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How does the model in which you go about creating cordials go into the price? Because this stuff is not cheap. What we’ve done now is to the extreme but it speaks to how much we stand by our products. We’re out there literally picking mushrooms and blueberries and we are distilling them on a very small scale. That’s why a 375ml bottle of our cordial sells for $50, because it is painstakingly made. It’s ridiculously handcrafted. So much so, that we should put it on the label.
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Spirit guide Steven Grasse makes it hard to not consider Art in the Age wares the perfect gift for the cocktail connoisseur in your life this holiday season BY KERITH GABRIEL
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ur conversation was remote, but you could almost feel the smile on Steven Grasse’s face when he referred to his company, Art in the Age, as the “foremost expert in the alcohol game.� Grasse, whose marketing arm, Quaker City Mercantile, works with some of the biggest alcohol companies in the world, pumps much of that revenue back into the Old City home bar and tasting room supply, not to mention a multi-acre farm and distillery in New Hampshire. It wasn’t that long ago Art in the Age
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Authentic bourbon. No longer just a Tennessee and Kentucky thing? IMAGE: ART IN THE AGE
With test kitchens in New Hampshire and Philadelphia, Old City’s Art in the Age continues to evolve into the preeminent experts and thought leaders in the alcohol game. used to source ingredients from Los Angeles. Today, everything selected to make the next great cordial or avor for a beer or spirit is created in two test kitchens the company owns and operates, one in Philly and one in New Hampshire, complete with an on-staff botanist, biochemist, and of course master distiller. “We are doing things that no one else is doing, and the fact that people are willing to pay for it is a plus because we would do it anyway,â€? said DeGrasse. “Again, it’s not necessarily always the most cost-efďŹ cient way to run a distillery, but the other way would be boring for us. It’s what sets us apart and able to walk into the biggest distilleries in the world and say, ‘I know more about this than you do.’â€? We at PW believe all of that knowledge should aid your decision for what to get the alcohol aďŹ cionado in your life. So we caught up with Grasse to chat all things beer, wine and spirits and ask why a stop into Art in the Age makes so much damn sense this holiday season.
So what are Quaker City Mercantile and Art in the Age? We work with all the big spirit companies. We work with everyone from Guinness, with William, Grant & Sons who make Hendricks, we’ve worked with the Czech Ministry of Beer to the East African Brewing Company. We work all over the world and are probably the best known consultants in the entire spirits industry.
So QCM is essentially the main job in order to do the sexy side hustle, Art in the Age? I mean yeah, in some ways it is. But it’s more than just a passion project. It’s about proof of concept. The store itself is also retail
testing for us, because again, to my knowledge, we are the only shop like ours that has its own retail concept. We have our place in New Hampshire and our store here [in Old City], and we learn so much about how people are drinking, what they’re buying, what they’re staying away from and it’s all in real time. It’s invaluable information that serves both endeavors.
What’s been one change that has helped your business grow in the past few years? Pennsylvania state liquor laws changed in a dramatic way. That now allows Pennsylvania to be one of the best states in the country to be in the craft distilling business. What they did was that now, craft distillers can have up to ďŹ ve satellite licenses to sell beer but also serve cocktails. So we took the opportunity to develop a partnership with New Liberty Distillery in Kensington, so we are able to bring our spirits up to New Hampshire, bottle them and sell them in our own store.
How much is the distillery in New Hampshire a game changer? The interesting thing in New Hampshire is that we do liquid development for all the big brands, but what we’re really focused on in New Hampshire is pushing the boundaries and the limits of what’s possible. We’ve had a full-time biochemist on our team along with our master distiller and botanist. They are
If anyone knows anything about whiskey, then they know the history of whiskey started out in Pennsylvania. We were making whiskey 150 years before anyone even thought to cross the Appalachians. I think we make great rye and I think we make great bourbon. Take a bourbon like New Liberty’s Bloody Butcher Bourbon, it’s one of the best things I’ve ever tasted. I wouldn’t say bourbon is easy, but if you have good grain and halfway know what you’re doing you’ll make a decent bourbon.
What’s your take on scene? It seems like everywhere you go in Philadelphia there’s a new craft brewery or distillery popping up? It’s great for the scene and like I said, the new laws in Pennsylvania have made it possible to return Philly to the boomtown it was for alcohol preProhibition. But just because all of these places are popping up doesn’t mean that they’re good. I’ve always said that “craft� is just another word for amateur. My other saying is “these days craft breweries are like assholes, everyone’s got one and most of what comes out of them tastes like shit.’ So just because it’s craft doesn’t make it good and don’t make me pay top dollar for your learning curve. Get it right, stand by it and then charge what it’s worth.
So suggestions off that? For the distiller, make sure you know what you’re doing and for the customer? Buyer beware. Art in the Age | 116 N. 3rd St. artintheage.com TWITTER: @SPRTSWTR
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A New Kind of Sex Pill Beats Generic Viagra to the Market A patented pill costing less than $1 a dose stands to help millions of men with failing sex lives; no prescription will be required SAN DIEGO − A new sex pill is set to take the spotlight with the Viagra patent about to expire. Since it’s not a drug, it’s something very different, it won’t require a perscription and is priced just under a $1 a dose. The new pill called Vesele is part of a new class of performance enhancers for men, which work on the body and mind, supporting ďŹ rmer and harder erections Formulated with a special compound known as a blood ow boosters, Vesele can transport its active ingredients in higher levels into the blood stream, where it begins to work. The patent pending ingredient increases nitric oxide production, initiating a process known as vasodilation, which causes arteries and vessels throughout the body to relax. This allows blood to ow to penis and genitals, promoting stronger, harder erection which last longer. But what makes Vesele so remarkable, and what these other sex pills can’t do, is that a small portion of this blood ows to the brain, which creates feelings of intense arousal. In laymen’s terms, users become incredibly excited and turned on. This is why the makers of Vesele say their pill has worked so effectively in human clinical use survey trial. It increases blood ow to the two most important organs for great sex, the penis and the brain.
The Brain Erection Connection Until now, medical researchers did not fully understand the brain-erection connection. It has now been made clearer with the data backing Vesele. When both are supplied with a constant blood ow, men are harder and ďŹ rmer for longer...and have higher sex drives. “Most of the research and treatment methods for men’s sexual failures have focused on physiological factors and have neglected the emotional ones. For the leading sex drugs to work, like Cialis and Viagra, you need visual stimulationâ€? explains Dr. Henry Esber, from the company who created Vesele. According to research published by the National Institute of Health, 50% of men taking these drugs stop responding or can’t tolerate their side effects...and on top of that they spend $25 per pill and it doesn’t even work half the time. This is what makes Vesele so different. It provides the blood stream with nitric oxide which cause arteries to relax. The patented accelerator speeds up this process even more. The result is an increase in hardness and maintenance and frequent sex when it is taken daily.
Great Sex At Any Age With the conclusion of latest human clinical use survey trial, Vesele is now being offering in the US. And regardless of the market, its sales are exploding. Men across the country are eager to get their hands on the new pill and according to the research, they should be. In the trial above, men taking Vesele saw a staggering 45.1% improvement in erection hardness from baseline over a fourmonth period. Their erections also lasted twice as long. These same men also experienced an astounding 27% increase in the desire for sex (libido/sex drive) and an even greater improvement in overall satisfaction and ability to satisfy their partners.
Expiring Patent Opens the Door to a New Sex Pill: Vesele is a new pill that cost just $1 a dose does not require a prescription. It works on both body and mind to increase arousal and erection hardness.
Higher Absorption into the Blood Stream
and oxygen to the brain and genitals are the same in men and women.
Vesele is made up of three specialized ingredients: two vasodilators and a patented absorption enhancer often called an accelerator. The FDA considers all to be safe.
“In our study, women taking Vesele saw a stunning 23.7% and 20.4% improvement in arousal and sex drive over baseline.
Research shows that with age, many men struggle to produce an erection ďŹ rm enough for penetration. And although there are many theories as to why this happens (including a loss in testosterone) one thing is certain, inadequate blood ow is virtually always to blame. That’s why sex drug manufacturers focus on blood ow, it makes your erection hard. But what’s more surprising, and what these manufacturers have failed to consider, is that lack of blood ow can also kill your sex drive. That’s because blood supplies energy for the brain. This energy is required for creating brainwaves that cause excitability and arousal. Studies show that nitric oxide stimulates the entire cardiovascular system, including the arteries that lead to both the brain and penis. The higher concentration of the ingredients in Vesele combined with the accelerator ensures that this process continues to work over time. The sexual beneďŹ ts of Vesele will start to show as its ingredients build up in the system over time. This is why many men take it every single day.
You can imagine why some couples are taking Vesele together. Everything feels better. Everything works better. Everyone performs better.
A New Frontier of Non-Prescription Sex Pills With daily use, Vesele is helping men (and women) with their sex lives and overcome sexual lets downs without side effect or expense. Through a patented accelerate, Vesele’s formula is better absorbed into the bloodstream, resulting in remarkable improvements in erection ďŹ rmness and hardness. And with better blood ow, users also experienced sexual feeling they haven’t felt in years.
Where to Find Vesele This is the ofďŹ cial release of Vesele in New Jersey. As such, the company is offering a special discounted supply to any reader who calls within the next 48 hours.
The Same Study Shows Positive Effects on Women
A special hotline number and discounted pricing has been created for all New Jersey residents. Discounts will be available starting today at 6:00AM and will automatically be applied to all callers.
In the same outstanding study referenced throughout, Vesele was also shown to have a surprising effect on women too. That’s because the same arteries and vessels that carry blood
Your Toll-Free Hotline number is 1-800-324-7053 and will only be open for the next 48 hours. Only a limited discounted supply of Vesele is currently available in your region.
THESE STATEMENTS HAVE NOT BEEN EVALUATED BY THE U.S. FOOD AND DRUG ADMINISTRATION. THIS PRODUCT IS NOT INTENDED TO DIAGNOSE, TREAT, CURE OR PREVENT ANY DISEASE. RESULTS NOT TYPICAL. VESELE IS NOT A DRUG AND DOES NOT REPLACE PDE5 INHIBITORS.
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Image: Andrea Cantor
Ayana Strutz stars in the E.B. White classic tale, Charlotte’s Web running now through February at the Arden Theater.
Spinning web of delight
Ayana Strutz talks starring role in Arden Theater’s ‘Charlotte’s Web’ BY ANDREA CANTOR
D
angling from black silks, Ayana Strutz contorts herself into the shape of an arachnid and spins around a barn-themed stage set. Strutz’s metamorphosis is for her starring role as Charlotte in the Arden Theater Company’s production of Charlotte’s Web. Performing on Arden’s F. Otto Haas Stage, the theatrical adaptation of E. B. White’s childhood classic has been extended through Feb. 3. As opposed to the typical perception of insects, Charlotte is not a creepy, goosebump-causing, shreek-stirring spider. Dressed in a simple costume of red and black webbed leggings and a cut-out shoulder black top, Strutz embodies the pre-Spiderman, awe-inspiring and beloved spider who saves Wilbur, a farm pig from the slaughterhouse. “It’s a great book and show that adults can appreciate and children as well as,� said Strutz about the produc-
tion being a holiday present for the entire family. “It’s a show for all.â€? A recent graduate from the Illinoisbased Actors Gymnasium, a professional circus training program, Stutz was excited for the opportunity to augment her acting and acrobatic skills. Playing Charlotte was also a chance to revisit the book she originally read in ďŹ rst grade. Now 25 years old, she is still struck by the complexity of Charlotte’s character and how one of life’s tiniest but most feared creatures becomes the hero in the classic tale. “The role of Charlotte is a mystery to me, because why does she end up helping this pig? Most spiders just do their own thing in the corner and are closed off from the rest of the world,â€? Strutz analyzed. “Every show, I ďŹ nd different reasons as to why she would save this pig. Is it motherly love or does she have feelings for Wilbur? Every audience member interprets it differently too.â€? Bringing air-defying life to this iconic character is only one of the feats
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Strutz is proud to showcase in Charlotte’s Web. Another is diversity. Born in Japan to an African American U.S. military father and Japanese mother, Strutz and her family left for Honolulu, Hawaii when she was four. That was the same age Strutz began taking dance lessons, starting another type of journey into a lifelong passion for onstage performance. “I remember growing up and not really having anyone to look up to on stage,â€? said Strutz, a fan of pioneering African-American ballet dancer Misty Copeland. “I would go to shows when I was a child and be like, ‘oh, they’re so talented.’ But I could never really relate or see myself doing the same thing. I always longed for a role model like that.â€? Strutz has already become a “role model like thatâ€? for a number of girls who have come to see the show at the Arden. “I got so teary eyed, because sometimes the girls will go, “oh, you have you poofy hair like meâ€? or ‘you look like me,’â€? Strutz reected of interactions she has had in the lobby after a performance. “I tell them simply, ‘you can do whatever you want. It doesn’t matter what you look like, just try your best and follow your dreams. There’s obstacles along the way, but try your best and just keep ďŹ ghting for what you believe in.’â€? Not as easy to respond, kids also asked questions circulating around the nature of the show’s ending. Spoilers ahead for anyone who has not read the time-honored story, but Charlotte ultimately dies and Wilbur becomes a father ďŹ gure to her babies. “For most kids, Charlotte’s Web is one of their ďŹ rst introductions to death...I think it’s a good way to talk to your child about those harder things,â€? said Stutz. “Charlotte’s Web teaches that life is very fragile and it can be taken at any moment and you just have to cherish every day that you have on Earth. But even though Charlotte’s life might not have been as long, the friendship that she made with Wilbur lasts forever.â€? Once Charlotte’s Web ďŹ nishes, Strutz will return to her current residence in Chicago to play Connie Wong in the musical, A Chorus Line. Down the tightrope road, Strutz hopes to earn a role, any role, even a part as one of the leaping gazelles, in The Lion King on Broadway. Charlotte’s Web | Now-Feb. 3. $20$40. Arden Theatre Company, 40 N. 2nd St. ardentheatre.org/event/charlottesweb/2018-11-28/ Q TWITTER: @ANDREAJCANTOR
Curtains up! Presents don’t need to be tangible. Instead of buying an item that special someone will most likely lose, lose interest in or regift, give your loved one an experience that they will remember. Few things are better for those long lasting memories than the theater. These five shows will bring out the magic of the season and serve as the perfect present – one that doesn’t need wrapping paper or a bow. Dr. Seuss’ How The Grinch Stole Christmas! The Musical Even if your holiday heart is “two sizes too small,� you still can’t help but love Dr. Seuss’ How The Grinch Stole Christmas. Incorporating music into the timeless classic, venture forth into the cheery world of Whoville and the mean old Grinch who wants to take away Christmas from the people of Whoville. Part of Broadway Philadelphia, this show taps into the true meaning of the holidays in a colorful display of whimsy. | Dec. 19-29. Prices and times vary. Merriam Theater, 250 S. Broad St. kimmelcenter.org/events-and-tickets
Oliver! “Please Sir, can I have some more?� No matter how many times you’ve read, watched or parodied Charles Dickens’ Oliver Twist, we can always “have some more.� Travel the streets of 19th century London with orphan Oliver as he meets a motley cast of characters, including the Artful Dodger and a juvenile crew of thieves. Immerse yourself in the musical adaptation of Dickens’ social satire with favorite songs like, “Food, Glorious Food,� “Consider Yourself�and “You’ve Got to Pick a Pocket or Two.�| Now-Dec. 30. Prices and times vary. The Sedgwick Theater, 7137 Germantown Ave. quintessencetheatre.org/oliver/
George Balanchine’s The Nutcracker The Pennsylvania Ballet’s annual performance of The Nutcracker is a yuletide Philly tradition. Dance your way into the Land of the Sweets and meet giant mice, an enchanted nutcracker and the Sugar Plum Fairy. Young and old will be dazzled by sets, costumes, dancers, orchestra and a story that will continue to captivate audiences throughout the ages. | Now-Dec. 31. Prices and times vary. Academy Of Music, 240 S. Broad St. kimmelcenter.org/events-and-tickets
This Is The Week That Is The Carol Burnett Show meets SNL’s ‘Weekend Update� in this lively and comical variety show. With the stress of the holiday season, nothing seems more appropriate and necessary than a good laugh. Each night showcases new material during the political satire segment, which is based on the daily headlines. | Now-Jan. 5. Prices and times vary. Plays & Players Theatre, 1714 Delancey Pl. 1812productions.org/
Roald Dahl’s Matilda the Musical Danny Devito many not be making an appearance in the Walnut Street Theater production of Matilda, but the show is still an absolute treat. Based off the book by Roald Dahl, the awardwinning musical is filled with magic, bravery, friendship and smarts. Using the power of imagination, and some telekinesis, schoolgirl Matilda takes on the evil Ms. Trunchbull and shows all that you can shape your own destiny. | Now-Jan 6. Prices and times vary. Walnut Street Theater, 825 Walnut St. walnutstreettheatre.org
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provocatively inspiring new anthology BY KERITH GABRIEL
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n an effort to promote its grand opening, a South Philly bookstore came up with a notion true to its namesake. The East Passyunk shop, appropriately called A Novel Idea (1725 E. Passyunk Ave.), welcomed Tianna Hansen and Kristin Garth, curators of a new anthology titled “You Are Not Your Rape,â€? a collection of 80 stories told by survivors of rape and abuse from around the country. The book was spurned in the aftermath of the recent Supreme Court nomination of Brett Kavanaugh, accused of rape by Stanford professor Dr. Christine Blasey Ford. The move to create the anthology also served as a personal attest for Hansen and Garth, both of whom are survivors of rape. Hansen, founder and editor-in-chief of small independent press Rhythm & Bones, said that the novel was to give those who needed a voice the opportunity to speak. “We wish to give voice to those who are ready to speak out, a declaration to end our silence and hope to defeat the stigma surrounding these powerful, essential stories,â€? Hansen wrote in an email to PW. “This is our declaration toward healing and overcoming, calling for empowerment in the aftermath of abuse, assault, trauma, and pain. To let the men and women who have experienced the stories inside this anthology know they are far from alone, and together we can make a difference.â€? The trauma is real. According to statistics from the National Sexual Violence Resource Center, one in every ďŹ ve women are raped in America, at a total lifetime cost totaling more than any other crime in America. Rhythm and Bones handpicked the stories that made the book from over 200 submissions that poured in from a callout to those looking for a place to reect. Hansen said that the title of the book received backlash from the literary community on social media, but that the title arrives from a creative non-
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ďŹ ction piece she wrote years earlier in which she wrote, “You are not your rape, you are not your pain. You are glorious – fragile lace of moonlight drenched upon your naked skin,â€? meant as an afďŹ rmation to ďŹ nding light in even the darkest moments. After combing through all the submissions, recalling her own traumatic time and the words that poured out in the aftermath of it, for Hansen there was no other title to consider. “In a time where the news tells tales of accused rape and those who speak out are ridiculed, sent death threats, shamed, and made to feel unsafe, this project is all the more important and necessary,â€? wrote Hansen. “[This book was intended] to provide a permanent home for those voices and their stories who refuse to stay silent, despite the trauma we endure.â€? A timely mix of creative nonďŹ ction, essay writing and poetry, “You Are Not Your Rapeâ€? serves as a loud in-yourface statement that survivors remaining silent in the age of the internet, social media and more survivors ďŹ nding the courage to come forward and expose their attackers, not play the quiet victim. Hansen said the notion of the book hit home for many as dozens ďŹ lled the room at A Novel IMAGE: RHYTHM & BONES PRESS
A new anthology featuring stories from victims of rape and abuse kicked off the grand opening of South Philly’s newest bookstore, A Novel Idea, on Dec. 9. Idea, one reader who noted taking a red-eye ight from Los Angeles, just to be apart of what was a special night for so many. “This is an inuential time for us to speak out and be heard,â€? wrote Hansen. “Compiling these stories is not only necessary but also meaningful in an age where people are with increasing fervor ďŹ nding the conďŹ dence to speak up. The #MeToo and #TimesUp movements have truly propelled us forward.â€? You Are Not Your Rape | $25. A Novel Idea, 1725 E. Passyunk Ave. Also available at Barnes & Noble and Amazon online bookstores. rhythmnbone.com/yanyranthology TWITTER: @SPRTSWTR
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Find more events at philadelphiaweekly.com/calendar Tell us about your upcoming events! Send press releases and information to: events@phillyweekly.com
bit brighter than it otherwise would have been. Well, now’s your chance to attone. Join the South Philly Striders and the Fishtown Beer Runners for their 11th annual Holiday Lights Run. And make sure to donate to Philabundance or bring some stupid cans of stupid non perishables, along with your stupid ass. | 7pm. Free. Columbus Square. 1200 Wharton St. secure.philabundance.org/
2000s angst. We think you should do the same. Even if it’s just this one rendezvous, then you’re through with them. | 8pm. $25. The Fillmore. 29 E. Allen St. concerts1.livenation.com/
SOCIAL
The Aunt Mary Pat LIVE! Holiday Experience
the scene
What to do in & around the city
The Glorious Sounds of Christmas
I
t’s beginning to look a lot like madness. If you’ve read this section of PW with any frequency at all this holiday season (which, of course you have, you’re not a heathen or a degenerate or just an out and out bad person, and like, not just an “I didn’t donate to the hungry kids when I checked out at Whole Foodsâ€? kind of bad, but a “I spit on that homeless dude and then pretended to hand him a bag of fruit as a peace offering but really it was just the plastic bananas my grandma keeps in the ceramic bowl on her counterâ€? kind of bad) then you know we’re already feeling the ill effects of all this holiday cheer. Not that we’ve given up—but even alt-weekly Calendar sections can start to feel the “sell, sell, sellâ€? suck after a while. “But what about the children,â€? you shout. “What are they to do for fun when even PW is losing its grip on that whole goodwill for all mankind thing?â€? Well listen close, ya crack nuts (why does that sound so weird? Nutty cracks? Cracker nuts? Crack nut sac — ok nevermind). We’re still onboard this commercialized crapshoot we call the holiday season. So take this damn concert by the Philadelphia Orchestra featuring conductor and pianist Bramwell Tovey and classic holiday pieces like “Hark! the Herald Angels Singâ€?, “Silent Nightâ€?, and, in true Philly fashion, “The Rittenhouse Carol,â€? and let the sounds of oversaturation and money-grubbing merchandising wash over you until your eyes glaze over and the mundane malaise ďŹ nally sets in, like it clearly already has for us. Seriously though, we can’t believe in today’s world, with all that’s going on, that we devote so much of ou— Nutcracker! That’s what we were trying to think of. Nutcracker. Philadelphia Orchestra: Glorious Sounds of Christmas Dec. 20. 7pm. Prices vary. Kimmel Center. 300 S. Broad St. philorch.org/
– CAL SETAR | @CALSFRO
THURSDAY, DECEMBER 13 SOCIAL
11th Annual Holiday Lights Run
If you run for fun, why the hell not run for charity? Seriously, you jerk. You’ve been wasting all that time getting your stupid body into shape for nothing. When, instead, you could have been running for a cause, pumping your stupid legs so that somebody less fortunate can have a holiday that’s a
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MOVIE
Free Screening of Victoria Season 3 Premiere
PBS Masterpiece series Victoria is back and better than ever for a third season of intrigue and big, poofy dresses. Seriously though, Victoria really isn’t your mother’s monarch, and not just because your mother surely wasn’t born before 1875 and thus had never lived during Queen Victoria’s reign. She was a woman of substance, not particularly attractive but determined to project an air of beneďŹ cence. Plus, she’s quoted as saying, “The important thing is not what they think of me, but what I think of them,â€? which is pretty ballsy. | 7pm. Free. WHYY. 150 N 6th St. eventbrite.com/not-your-mothers-monarch
MUSIC
Eve 6
Holy. Shit. This takes us back. We honestly had no idea Eve 6 was still a thing. We might have even forgotten that Eve 6 was a thing. But they were and apparently they still are, surely rocking audiences with shows that you just know end with “Inside Out.� In fact, excuse us while we take a break to go listen to that song on repeat for the next week or three. We’ll swallow our doubt and head out to the show to thank these guys for providing a perfect soundtrack for our late 90s/early
We’re not really sure if this technically falls under the label of drag show, though it’s certainly of a similar kind. And since we’ve already made our feelings on drag shows (absolutely, 100 percent pro), we won’t go deep into that part of it. But we will say that everyone has an Aunt Mary Pat and if you think you don’t, you’re just not paying close enough attention. This hilarious show will leave you howling, both from laughter and also the pain of knowing what awaits you during the holidays. | 7pm. Prices vary. Tabu Lounge. 254 S. 12th St. eventbrite.com/aunt-mary-pat
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bar amis vs. Kensington Quarters Cage Match
Two chefs enter ... two chefs leave. And honestly, they’ll probably both still feel pretty good about themselves. Sure, do the notoriously competitive chefs probably feel like there’s something at stake? Yeah. But we’re willing to bet that when bar amis Culinary Director Brad Spence goes head to head with Zahav alum and current Kensington Quarters executive chef Matt Harper in a 4-course culinary battle, it’ll be intense and delicious. And we also bet this marketing stunt will go a long way toward making the “loser� of this battle feel a whole heck of a lot like a winner. | 7pm. $60. bar amis. 4503 S. Broad St. cagematch.splashthat.com/
FRIDAY, DECEMBER 14 MUSIC
Ween
We’ll be completely honest; Ween was one of those bands we just never quite got. They’re weird and musically interesting in all the right kind of ways, but the actual music is something a little too goofy for
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Prices vary. Old City Jewish Art Center. 119 N. 3rd St. eventbrite.com
SATURDAY, DECEMBER 15 SOCIAL
Philadelphia Santapalooza 2018
Philly’s answer to New York’s SantaCon, Santapalooza is sure to be one hell of a time. It’s gonna be fun, it’s gonna be wild and it’s gonna turn to a shit show around 6pm. If you’ve never seen a crew of Lady Santa’s crowded around a downed compatriot swimming in a soup of regurgitated beer and Rumplemintz as Santa’s Way Too Drunk Elf Boyfriends shout profanities at the Bouncer of Good Times Past, then you don’t know what holiday cheer really looks like. | 4pm. Prices vary. JJ Bootleggers. 35 S. 2nd St. showclix. com
MUSIC
Ozuna
We’ve decided it’s our new mission to start getting behind more musicians who fall outside the mainstream. And that’s not to say Ozuna isn’t mainstream—he’s headed to Philly for Aura 2018, his third US tour, after being named Billboard’s Top Latin Artist of 2018—but we’re willing to bet there’s a fair amount of you who’ve never even heard his name before, let alone a single bar of his music. So if you’re into reggaeton and/or Latin trap (and, come on, who isn’t?) then head on over to the Liacouras Center for a kick ass night and some sweat-worthy international avor. | 8pm. Prices vary. The Liacouras Center. 1776 N. Broad St. ev9.evenue.net our tastes. Kind of like Mac DeMarco, we know it’s cool, or at the very least interesting, but we just couldn’t ever make that connection that so many people seemed able to make. Which may say more about us because people who love Ween really fucking love Ween. To that end, we don’t think we have to sell this one too hard—if you’re going to the show you’ve probably already got a ticket. | 8pm. Prices vary. The Met Philly. 858 N. Broad St. concerts1.livenation. com
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Sad & Boujee
We’re all-in on this event and not just because it sounds interesting as hell, which, come on; it’s an emo-meets-trap rap party the likes of which the world has never seen (and probably never asked for), so you know it’s gonna be strange as all get out. But this kind of weird can only bear the most beautiful of fruit. And look at that fucking picture! Post Malone is an oddly taciturn, mercurial music-maker with tendencies that run from trap to country and back again. Using his unwashed ass for the poster was a stroke of genius matched only by the decision to create this event in the ďŹ rst place. | 10pm. $15. The Voltage Lounge. 421 N. 7th St. ticketfly.com
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BloodMilk & Friends Night MUSIC Pentatonix Market This is the 5th installment of an event that without even trying just vaulted itself to the top of the leaderboards for Best F*ckin’ Event Name on the Planet/in Philly/Philly is the World and Everywhere Else is Just Ohio. Anywho, this event is all about the mighty minerals we mine to make ourselves matching septum rings and ankle bracelets (not the state-issued kind). Browse jewelry from a bevy of local artists and enjoy cocktails and music while you peruse the ample pickins for your future goin’ out look. Share a story, drink a cocktail, make sure you’re 21-plus. | 7pm. Free. Tattooed Mom. 530 South St. tattooedmomphilly.com/
Show of hands—who loves complex voiceonly covers of Christmas tunes and pop standards? Ok, now anyone who wasn’t in an a capella group in college, put your hands down. One, two, three ‌ ok, we’ve got a few of you left. That’s probably enough to go ahead and include this event. Honestly, if four of you are into any one event we’re gonna call that a win. So whether you spent your collegiate years as part of the Tone Rangers or not, head out to the brand spankin’ new Met Philly for a night of holiday cheer and impressive vocal arrangements that’ll be sure to make you say, “huh, that’s cool.â€? | 7pm. Prices vary. The Met Philly. 858 N. Broad St. concerts1.livenation.com
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Polar Express Family Festival
This is one adventurous afternoon the kiddies are sure to never forget (except, of course, for when they become teenagers and their rapidly developing brain suddenly destroys all memory of the countless hours of love and care that went into hand-raising them from infancy and instead focuses in on how unbelievably uncool you are and no, you can’t drop them off out front of the mall, drop me in back like Jared’s mom does, it’s the least you could do after not getting that SpaceX amethrower I asked for for Christmas). With a bevy of activities and a whole hour and a half with the Clause Clan, it’s sure to be fun for the whole family ‌ right? Right!?. | 5pm. Prices vary. Please Touch Museum. 4231 Avenue of the Republic Ave. blackbaudhosting.com
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Holiday Art Star Pop Up Market
Featuring 30 specially curated art and crafts vendors, this is the holiday market to end all holiday markets ‌ ok, not really. But there a fuckton of holiday markets in Philly and we’re honestly not sure how to differentiate between them anymore. We’re not complaining by any means—Philly being such an artistic and creative-friendly city is amazing and one of a million reasons it’s better than some other big east coast cities we won’t mention (ahem, ahem). But god damn, Philly. At what point do we just hand the keys over to the craft stores and call it a year? Oh we already did? Oh ok. | 11am. Free. Cherry Street Pier. 121 N. Columbus Blvd. cherrystreetpier.com
SUNDAY, DECEMBER 16
Shabbat Soiree Usually, we’d tell any event with the word “soiree� in it (used unironically, of course) to go jump in the Susquehanna. But this one piqued our interest because there are a lot more of the Chosen folk in Philly than one might think and it’s not often they get their due (insert joke about Jews and money here). This particular event, meant for young Jewish professionals, is all about the grind and the gab. Sure, have some snacks and enjoy their “insane open bar� (whatever that means), but make sure you’ve got your networking girdle tied tight—it’s about to get social. | 730pm.
La Colombe on Frankford is the friggin’ bee’s knees. Great food, great caffeine—it’s a top notch spot that we’re all lucky to have. Add in the fact that they host awesome events like this holiday ea market featuring a variety of vendors and local makers like Printfresh, Hemlock and Hyde, and Llani, and it’s about time you heathens started showing some god damn appreciation (just kidding ‌ mostly). | 7pm. Free. La Colombe. 1335 Frankford Ave. fishtownflea.us
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Dress to Impress Holiday Cocktail Party SOCIAL
Fishtown Flea Holiday Market
Have you ever been to a La Colombe outside of the agship store in Philadelphia? We have and, not to say that they’re bad or anything, because they’re absolutely not, but the
Anybody’s who’s anybody will be at the Dress to Impress Holiday Cocktail Party hosted by Philly Social ‌ ya know what? No. We can’t even pretend to hop onboard that pretentious party train. This boujee-ass event is put on to beneďŹ t Philabundance and that’s all that really matters. So get all gussied up and head out to Howl at the Moon if you want
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GIVE BACK
Pawtiday Adoption Event
This is the second day of a two-day event, so if you’re worried you can’t make it Sunday, don’t fret—you’ll have a chance to take home a furry new friend Saturday as well. And while we’re always careful to avoid the whole, “it’s the holiday season, adopt a pet for your kids/ friends/signiďŹ cant otherâ€? because those are the pets that end up right back in the shelter in January, we think it’s important to let Philly know anytime adoption fees are being halved and adorable animals are seeking homes. | 10am. Free. ACCT Philly. 111 W. Hunting Park Ave. acctphilly.org
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Philly Wellness Festival: A Sensual Experience
Ok we got one in for the binky-sucking beat-chasers, so let’s go the complete opposite direction and hit one for the healers, the hopers, the “oh yeah, it’s totally organic and gluten free, plus it’s blessed by a Tibetan monk who once touched the Dalai Llama’s left butt cheek, it’s honestly the purest and most expensive water I’ve ever tasted, I can just feel my chakras blooming.â€? The Philly Wellness Festival is your chance to experience the world of wellness, mindfulness and sensuality. Honestly, there’s like a 75% chance this gets real weird, real fast, but we’re on that ďŹ nd out ďŹ rsthand tip so ‌ Goop it up! | 8am. Prices vary. Sensual City. 300 N. 32nd St. eventbrite.com to, just make sure you know it’s not about you or your “red carpet entranceâ€? (yeah, that shit’s real), but the good work of the few giving souls left in the world and the less fortunate they make it their mission to help. | 7pm. Prices vary. Howl at the Moon. 258 S. 15th St. tickettailor.com
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gos as a crew of co-eds drink and laugh and paint beautiful pictures of bootys. Then next thing you know ‌ bam! It’s three months later and you can’t wait for summer to start so you can kick that co-ed to the curb. | 3pm. $35. Pulaski Hall. 1653 W. Hunting Park Ave. trapnpaint.com
MONDAY, DECEMBER 17 MUSIC
Justin Timberlake
Justin Timberlake aka JT aka The Prettiest Man in Music/Showbiz aka The Artist Formerly Known as The Cute One From N’Sync ‌ or was that Joey? Just kidding! We know it was Nick Carter. Wait. What do you mean Nick Carter wasn’t in N’Sync!? Then who was the one with the blow out who looked like Jack from “Will & Graceâ€?? Are we losing our minds? Has all the uber-sweet holiday cheer ďŹ nally rotted our memory away to nothing!? Anyway, go see Justin Timberlake. | 7pm. Prices vary. Wells Fargo Center. 3601 S. Broad St. eatmytickets.com
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Trap n’ Paint Philly
It’s cufďŹ ng season, kids, and you know what that means—trap music and paint by numbers. We shit you not. This is deďŹ nitely one of those events that’s so weird, it just might work. Like, the weather’s getting cold and you start seeing all these stupid couples on the street holding hands and just throwing their dumb love right in your face. But wait! What’s that I hear? The gentle sounds of Mi-
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ously, there’s so much damn caffeine in it that if Gritty drank some he’d probably buy a suit, get a real job, work his way up to CEO, burn the place to the ground Mitt Romney-style, blow all the money on black tar heroin and then show up for that night’s Flyers game, all in a matter of hours. As such, the fact that there’s a yerba mate made speciďŹ cally for night lifers makes so much goddamn sense. Wanna stay up for the next three days choking glow sticks and grinding your teeth? No coke required! | 6pm. $15. Silk City Diner Bar & Lounge. 435 Spring Garden St. eventbrite. com
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Silent Night Sing-In
It’s nearly been 200 years of “Silent Night�, and to commemorate the song’s bicentennial birthday, The Kimmel Center is hosting a sing-in (no, it’s not politically motivated, please save your angry letters for when we promote Anti-straight White Guy Night at Wells Fargo Center next week). This event actually sounds amazing—it’s open to anyone who can sing and wants to join in. All you’ve gotta do is brush up on your part, based on vocal range, then meet up in the lobby of The Kimmel Center on the night of the event for a quick runthrough prior to the performance. Did we say anyone could sign up? Legit anyone. | 7pm. Free. The Kimmel Center. 300 S. St. silentnightphilly.com
TUESDAY, DECEMBER 18 MUSIC
Harry Potter Yule Brunch & Move with Us Ever had yerba mate? It’s delicious, it’s Quizzo warming and it’ll set you the fuck off. SeriAcid pops. Cockroach clusters. Bertie Bott’s Every Flavor Beans. Besides butterbeer, does any food item from the Harry Potter universe actually sound all that appealing? No. The answer is no. So let’s pray to Harry and Hagrid and Hermione (and hey, Ron too) that The Victoria Freehouse doesn’t get it in their heads to serve chocolate frogs or Fred And George’s Skiving Snackboxes, because you won’t be tasting the wonder of the wizarding world—you’ll be tasting diabetes wrapped in unnecessary alliteration. | 1pm. $35. The Victoria Freehouse. 10 S. Front St. brownpapertickets.com
ting on a little shindig at Tattooed Mom for all the vegetarians, vegans and animal lovers this side of the Susquehanna (and heck, even the other side, pretty much all are welcome as long as you love animals and aren’t a dick). You’ll even get to enjoy half off Tattooed Mom’s Meatless Mondays menu, making this event a mouthful (yuck yuck, we crack ourselves up—oh hey, and we rhymed. We’re poets but we’re fully aware of it just check out our slam poem “Ode to the Orange Goblin of My Nightmares (and Presidency)). | 6pm. Free. Tattooed Mom. 530 South St. tattooedmomphilly.com
Lindsey Stirling
MOVIE
Elf
Different generations will always prefer one Christmas classic to another. For baby boomers it’s probably the old stop motion animation Frosty the Snowman. For the slightly younger crowd, maybe it’s Christmas Vacation (we can only hope). And for the extra olds, it’s probably A Christmas Story and/ or It’s a Wonderful Life. For millenials, it’s probably a toss-up between Vacation and Elf. We’re gonna go ahead and give the slight edge to Elf because Will Ferrell is hilarious and the scene where Buddy sits on Santa’s lap and calls him a fraud is comedy gold. | 630pm. $3. The Trocadero. 1003 Arch St. thetroc.com
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Holiday Vegan Drinks
The Humane League of Philadelphia is put-
Lindsey Stirling sounds like the drag name that Republican Senator Lindsey Graham would come up with for himself. And if you’re saying, “that’s not even a cool drag name, especially when you put it up against luminaries like Farrah Moan and Jinkx Monsoon,� know that we hear you. But think about it like this—Graham is a mincing, self-important and ultimately unimaginative prick, so of course his drag name would still have to include his actual name, while simultaneously being probably the most boring pseudonym possible. At the very least we can all agree that he would make a hideous queen and that the real Lindsey Stirling is immensely talented. Where were we? | 8pm. Prices vary. The Met Philly. 858 N. Broad St. concerts1. livenation.com
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Beer and Bonsai
We gotta admit, this event’s a little pricier than we expected. And usually, that’s good enough to get it knocked off the highly sought after and incredibly selective Philly Weekly Calendar Section Podium. But in all honesty, we just friggin’ love bonsai trees. Just look at
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em’. All small and cute and ancient. Like little old men who’ve seen too much, weathered too many storms and somehow lived to tell the tale. So if you feel some kinda way about bonsai, just like we do, head on over to Love City for an evening of brews and learning to tend to your own tiny little tree-shaped old man. | 7pm. $53. Love City Brewing. 1023 Hamilton St. eventbrite.com
MUSIC
Aural Fixation
Featuring NO SIR E, QQQ, Pastaboss and Stamoulo, this is a night of electronic music aimed at the more, shall we say, experimental among us. That’s right, kids. Lab coats. Base solutions. Alcohol lamps. Distillation glassware. Moisture analyzers for fuckin’ days. It’s gonna be ‌ wait. Wait. Oh, we’re getting word from our Editors that this is not, in fact, at all what this evening is going to be about. Oh, you meant experimental like “vaguely different from other electronic music?â€? Oh. Ok then. That’s cool too. | 8pm. $8. Silk City Diner. 435 Spring Garden St. ticketfly.com
COMEDY
Keith2x Comedy Showcase
We gotta say—the Trocadero is a god damn treasure. That place hosts some of the strangest, most random-ass events and we couldn’t be happier that it’s located within the comfy conďŹ nes of Philly. Plus, after you see your random-ass show, you can go around the corner and get some bangin’ dumplings and/or dim sum. We in the biz like to call that a win-win. So check out this comedy showcase hosted by Keith2x and then treat yourself to some spicy peanut noodles after—you can thank us for the recommendation/life lesson later. | 8pm. $5. Trocadero Theatre. 1003 Arch St. ticketfly.com
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Science After Hours: Holiday Bizarre Ok, so obviously the intent of “Science After Hours� is to be tongue-in-cheek, playing off the fact that they serve cocktails and start the events later at night and giving it a somewhat salacious name, so we get it. Still, this event conjures images in our mind of some kind of Dan Savage-approved evening where you’re meant to leave your inhibitions (and clothes) at the door before you enter the “Science After Hours� sex vault for an evening of bizarre holiday-themed sex acts. That’s what you’re all thinking too, right? Right!? | 7pm. $20. The Franklin Institute. 222 N 20th St. tickets.fi.edu
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Drink Philly’s Holiday Cocktail Classic
We have a confession to make. And, as much as it will hurt us, we think it’s important you know. Ok, here goes ‌ we used to live in New York City. Phew. And if you’re saying, “how did an alt-weekly live in a different city,â€? know that we’re an actual person and you’re fucking stupid. Anyway. We told you that to tell you this—Philly’s culinary and cocktail scene rivals its supposedly bigger, better brother in all the right kind of ways. New York is stuffy and overpriced and, kinda like you, stupid. Philly is sharp and edgy and open to sharing their awesomeness with anyone who wants in on the fun. | 8pm. $40. Center / Architecture + Design. 1218 Arch St. eventbrite.com
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Bar 57 Ugly Sweater Night
Listen, if they want to call themselves “Philly’s highest holiday pop-up bar,â€? that’s totally ďŹ ne, just know that it’s not accurate unless there’s a dude at the door handing out spliffs as soon as you walk in. Otherwise it’s just another holiday pop-up bar as far as we’re concerned. But if you’ve got an ugly sweater and you wanna make the entire city proud, head to Bar 57 with your vape pen and get lit like the goddamn hero you are. | 6pm. $10. One Liberty Observation Deck. 1650 Market St. eventbrite.com
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Woodland Santa Hike
Ok, so we just told you to get high—literally. So now we’re gonna suggest you get out into the woods and work off some of that weed and beer and pie and whatever else you stuffed your face with the night before. If you can manage the hangover, head to Wissahickon Environmental Center for a nice wander in the woods to ďŹ nd woodland Santa and his woodland deer. And if you’re a parent or just, ya know, not a degenerate, then ignore everything we said initially and just go and have fun with your kids! | 10am. Free. Wissahickon Environmental Center. 300 W. Northwestern Ave. phila.gov
people who are too afraid to push back because, well, what if? This Christmas, know your worth, and learn to ďŹ ght like hell for it. | 6pm. Prices vary. Temple University Main Campus. 1515 Market St. eventbrite.com
LEARN
you’re wondering why in the hell we included this event, know that you’re encouraged to bring an unwrapped toy, which will be donated to Chosen 300 Ministries. So there. | 4pm. Prices vary. Cheerleaders. 2740 S Front St. cheerleadersphiladelphia.com
Author Event w/ John Patrick SOCIAL Make Your Own Gingerbread Leary A lot of people might say that the last event House and this event are not in any way related. Those people would be capitalist fat cats with too much money and a penchant for bullshit ‌ probably. Capitalism itself isn’t the (only) issue, but left unchecked, people will always eventually give into their darker urges, collecting far more than they need, even if it comes at the direct expense of others. And while John Patrick Leary’s new book, “Keywords: The New Language of Capitalism,â€? isn’t necessarily about the failings of our current economic system, it does pull apart at the seams the language we use to construct a valuebased hierarchy built on the back of cheap labor and in the exhausting and never-ending pursuit of something called “success.â€? | 6pm. Prices vary. Temple University Main Campus. 1515 Market St. eventbrite.com
THURSDAY, DECEMBER 20 GIVE BACK
Homeless Memorial Day 2018
Certain people would have you believe that the homeless are a nuisance. That they’re a stain on our otherwise beautiful city. That they wound up that way entirely on their own, due to failings of character or work ethic. But the sad truth is, people wind up living on the streets for a whole host of reasons, not the least of which is mental illness or a horrible home life. Which is to say, put a rich white guy in too-small shoes and feed him too-few meals from birth and see where the fuck he winds up. Homelessness isn’t a disease—it’s a symptom of something much, much worse. | 5pm. Free. Thomas Paine Plaza. 1401 John F. Kennedy Blvd. projecthome.org
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The witch from Hansel & Gretel really had it right—gingerbread is fucking delicious. It’s crunchy and a little spicy, sweet but not so sweet that you ďŹ nd yourself needing to cut it with something salty. That being said, we really don’t know if gingerbread was the best choice for luring little kids (and yes, we know that the fairytale is hundreds of years old and gingerbread may have been the sweetest thing Germanic villagers could get their hands on, but it’s a goddamn joke so just go with it) in out of the woods. We bet if the witch could do it all over again, she’d use Tide Pods. “Ooh, just look at the way it glistens, Gretel!â€? | 4pm. Free. Queen Memorial Library. 1203 S. 23rd St. philly.carpe-diem
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Jeffrey Sutorius We don’t know Jeffrey Sutorius personally (or even as a musician/DJ/semi-pretty face to put on yers for your entirely unnecessary party), nor do we know the owners of NOTO, Philly’s self-proclaimed “premier nightlife experienceâ€? (that’s right, not a club or a venue—an experience). Having said that, the only reason we included this event was to make fun of it. Which we sorta already did but also this—this seems terrible and douchey and exactly like the kind of elitist bullshit (they literally say they reserve the right to refuse entry to anyone not dressed to their liking) that makes certain parts of the city insufferable. So go, don’t go, just know that we’re watching, always watching. | 10pm. $20. NOTO Philadelphia. 1209 Vine St. seetickets.us
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LEARN
Naughty & Nice Holiday Party ft. Guys and Dolls Regular readers of the Calendar section of Know Yourself, Know Your Worth Fat Joe Philly Weekly will know that we’re totally What the fuck happened to Fat Joe? We Salary Negotiation Workshop onboard the whole drag queen party train. It’s tough out there these days. And not just because we have an Orange Goblin as the ďŹ gurehead of a government that seems increasingly uninterested in reecting the values of the people it’s meant to serve. This event is for anyone who’s ever been offered a temp-to-full time position only for the full time position to suddenly, after six months of hard work, evaporate into thin air. The people with four freelance gigs and no health insurance. The
remember listening to his debut album - on CD! ‌ on our Walkman! - on the bus during a middle school class trip. And then, poof, by some kind of early 2000s hip hop magic he was gone. But apparently his banishment to the land of Forgotten Rappers was not a forever kind of thing, because he’s about to rock your body with big fat (wink, wink) hooks and Latin-avored ďŹ lls as part of the Naughty & Nice Holiday Party at Cheerleaders. And if
It’s glittery and gorgeous and so over the top that you have no choice but to succumb to its faux feminine wiles. We don’t, however, go in for musicals. We’re sorry, it’s just not our jam. That being said, perhaps the only way to make a musical truly palatable is to pump it up with some drag decor and turn the whole thing on its ungodly expensive wig. | 8pm. $10. L’etage. 624 S. 6th St. eventbrite.com
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SAVAGE LOVE
Two breakups, one break on
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DAN SAVAGE
I
’m a thirty-something straight woman married for 16 years. Eighteen months ago, I met a man and there was an immediate attraction. For the ďŹ rst 15 months of our relationship, I was his primary sexual and intimate partner, as both sex and intimacy were lacking in his marriage. (My husband knew of the relationship from the start and is accepting for the most part.) After my lover’s wife found out about me, she suddenly became very responsive to my lover’s sexual and emotional needs. My lover has told his wife that he will not let me go. He has also told me that he is not willing to let his wife go. She isn’t happy about being in a triad relationship, but she allows him to continue seeing me with limitations. I am no longer his primary sex partner, and I have been relegated to the back seat. He claims to love us both, yet his wife and I both struggle knowing the other exists. Recently while out shopping, my lover asked me to help him pick out a Christmas gift for his wife. I got upset because I am in love with him, and I have made him my priority (over my husband), but I am not his priority. I love this man, and we feel we are soul mates. My lover has said that if we fall apart, he will have to ďŹ nd a new secondary partner because his wife can never give him the soulful fulďŹ llment he needs. Should I continue in this relationship? – Soul Mate Avoids Choice Knowingly You complain about being relegated to the back seat, SMACK, but it’s your husband whose existence only comes up in parenthetical asides. You also describe this relationship as a triad when there are four people involved (you, your lover, your lover’s wife, and your husband), which technically makes this a quad. And from the sound of things, only one member of this messy quad seems happy—your lover, the guy who refuses to make you a “priorityâ€? over his wife. And while you’ve convinced yourself that your lover feels as strongly for you as you do for him—“we feel we are soulmatesâ€?— it kinda sorta sounds to me like you may be projecting, SMACK. Because in addition to asking you to pick out Christmas gifts for his wife, your lover and alleged soul mate regards
you as expendable and replaceable. And he’s told you as much: He intends to â€œďŹ nd a new secondary partnerâ€? if you two part because his wife doesn’t “give him the soulful fulďŹ llment he needs.â€? That’s not how people talk about their soul mates, and it’s certainly not something a guy says to someone he regards as his soul mate. Soul mates are typically told they’re special and irreplaceable, but your guy sees you as one of many potential seconds out there, and therefore utterly replaceable. Here’s what you ought to do: You aren’t interested in being your lover’s secondary partner (nor are you much interested in being your husband’s wife), so you’ll have to call your lover’s bluff. And the only card you have to play—and it’s a weak hand (all hands with just one card are)—is to dump your lover unless he leaves his wife for you. Success rests on the outside chance your lover was blufďŹ ng when he said he’d replace you, but I suppose it’s possible he regards you as the irreplaceable one and only said those hurtful things to make you think he wouldn’t choose you when you are the one he would’ve chosen all along. If it turns out that this was the case, SMACK, you’ll wind up with your soul mate‌ who happens to be kinda sorta cruel and manipulative. Calling your lover’s bluff—ending a relationship that, in its current form, brings you no joy—is your only hope of having this guy to yourself. But the likelier outcome is that you’ll be left alone (with, um, your husband). My boyfriend and I met at a bondage party a year ago. He’s not into bondage (he tagged along with a kinky friend). We hit it off in the chill-out room and started seeing each other. He told me it was okay for me to keep going to bondage parties and seeing some guys I play with one-on-one. Then right after we moved in together, he said he doesn’t want me playing with anyone else because we are in love. Which means I can’t get tied up at all anymore because he has zero interest in bondage. He can’t see why I’m upset, and I’m not sure what to do. – Boy In New Drama So now that you’re in love, and now that you’ve signed a lease, and now that you’re trapped, BIND, now—NOW—your vanilla boyfriend yanks back the accommodation that convinced you to date him in the ďŹ rst place? There’s only one thing you can do: DTMFA. Q
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What They Are Saying: “Pat and Kathy Conway are the best Real Estate folks that I have ever dealt with. Honest, transparent and a great work Patrick Conway Kathy Conway ethic. I highly recommend this team.� ~ Gene Gabbard 215-266-1537 215-850-3842
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NEW RENTAL LISTING Washington Square West
NEW PRICE Point Breeze
Walk into this home and down the stairs where you will find a large kitchen and dining room. Up the stairs is a nice and cozy living room with a fireplace and exposed brick wall followed by a spacious bedroom on the second floor which has the entrance to a deck, and a full bath. The large master bedroom is located on the 3rd floor.
This original beauty with lots of character has been thoughtfully restored with an appreciation for both timeless detail and modern living. Enter through a vestibule to the spacious, sunny, open concept living/ dining area. This townhome features gorgeous, warm hardwood floors, white marble countertops, recessed lighting and a private back patio. 2 Bedrooms & 2 Baths
$2,700/Month Rittenhouse Square
Society Hill
Enjoy space, comfort, and privacy in this elegant and updated 2 bedroom corner unit. This nearly 1,800 square feet property is thoughtfully designed throughout with significant natural light and numerous upgrades. Open concept living room and kitchen, all with hardwood floors. 2 years pre-paid parking in a nearby garage included.
Occupying more than 3,000 square feet of luxurious living space in a boutique building on the edge of Society Hill and Old City, this corner bi-level unit is a rare find. It comes with one car deeded on-site parking, 3 spacious bedrooms plus den and 3.5 baths. You’ll feel right at home the moment you enter the impressive two story foyer with grand staircase.
$890,000
NEW LISTING Queen Village Charming home in the desired Queen Village area. This spacious and nicely maintained home with a great layout features warm wood finishes, a cozy Vermont Castings stove, and a new Central Air/HVAC system, a new roof and sewer line. There’s a patio area off of the kitchen through custom sliding doors. 3 Bedrooms & 1 Bath
$399,900
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$285,000
$1,275,000
UNDER CONTRACT Bella Vista Charming 3 bedrooms brick home on a beautiful block. Enter into the spacious open concept living and dining area, with decorative fireplace, original wood floors and a full wall of exposed brick. The spacious kitchen with custom white cabinetry, butcher block counter tops, stainless steel appliances and tiled backsplash. This home offers a bright sunroom, a nice patio and a roof deck with stunning views.
$400,000
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