Post-election jitters, family style

At 1:30 a.m. on election night I told Kristen we better get to bed. As upset as we were with the outcome, we needed to wake up in the morning, be parents and go to work. We wondered what we would say to the kids. Of course the next day there were many articles online covering that very topic, but I couldn’t even stomach them.

Over breakfast that Wednesday morning, I was laboring through an “everything is going to be OK” talk with the kids when the lights went out. Not figuratively, literally. The power went out in our neighborhood. It seemed ominous and I think #ThanksTrump was officially birthed in Oakhurst. It turned out to just be a transformer that the Russians blew up in celebration of the election results though so, phew.

Shortly before the election I drafted a farcical yarn about how as a member of the “crooked media,” I was part of a cabal that rigged the election. It was me, Oprah, Larry King and Wolf Blitzer.

There were nuggets about Oprah buying votes with new cars and Larry selling me on fish oil supplements when he wasn’t stuffing the ballot box with deceased voter’s ballots. Wolf was, among other things, an awfully competitive badminton player. It was hysterical. Trust me.