A first-time homeowner struggles with buyer’s remorse

I’ve lived in my Midtown condo for almost eight months and it still doesn’t feel like “home.” I wake up every morning wondering how all my belongings wound up in this Airbnb. That’s how it feels: interim or like a way station on my journey elsewhere.

I realize part of this feeling is because I lived in my last apartment for 16 years. I got very comfortable and settled there, so leaving was traumatizing, especially since the purchase and move were bookended by my cancer surgery and treatment.

Editor’s Letter

Collin Kelley has been editor of Atlanta Intown for almost two decades. He’s also an award-winning poet and novelist.

I always said I would never own a home because I didn’t want the burden of property. That burden has presented itself in numerous maintenance issues that have required me to shell out cash, including a broken dishwasher pump.

And while I prided myself on repairing the French doors, another issue presented itself during the winter storm. A crack appeared in the doorframe and the winddriven rain was pouring in like Niagara Falls. I did a bit of research on the repair and gulped at the likely cost. I really miss the days of dialing the maintenance line at my old apartment and leaving the problem in their capable hands.

collin@AtlantaIntownPaper.com

Don’t get me wrong: I like the location and the space itself. In the morning, the light is dazzling. The view is amazing. I like how quiet it is, even in the heart of Midtown. I like how I’ve been able to decorate it and find space for artwork and items I previously had in storage.

And yet…

I’ve found myself making little detours to drive past my old apartment building. I’ve investigated how soon I could sell the condo and move back. I talked to a good friend who has bought and sold multiple homes in the last decade in search of the “right place” and is never satisfied. I thought she was crazy, but now I get it.

Most of my friends think I’m the crazy one. They see my condo, the location, the view – and they swoon. They tell me to be patient, that I’ll grow to love it, that expensive repairs are an investment. When I mention selling it and moving back to an apartment, they react in horror. Who does that?

I decided I’m going to try and stick it out for two years. I’ve already been here for nearly a year, so I think I can handle one more. I’m really hoping that in that time I’ll fall in love with the place. That one day I’ll walk in the door and swoon. But I also know that life is too short to live somewhere that doesn’t bring you joy, and I’m not going to be embarrassed by whatever choice I make.

On a brighter note, I am absolutely gobsmacked by our gorgeous cover portrait of artist Shanequa Gay by regular contributor Isadora Pennington. In 28 years, we’ve never had a black and white portrait on the cover, so the minute Isadora sent over the file, I might have swooned over that a bit. You can read about Gay’s art on page 34.

We’re also happy to welcome new contributor Maija Ehlinger with Hypepotamus – the go-to source for startup and technology news in the Southeast. Maija will be profiling new startups and providing news briefs on Atlanta’s growth as a major tech hub. You can read her first piece on page 16.

For this Valentine’s Day, I hope you get your heart’s desire. Whatever that may be.