Bad back, good life

It’s December and I’ve been squeezing every ounce of productivity I can out of each day. Tying up loose ends at work, shopping for holiday gifts and frantically getting the house ready to host a huge crowd on Christmas, which, in turn, caused me to throw my back out. Suddenly, this very busy time of year is at a fully immobile stop.

There is nothing like a poorly timed back injury to make a guy feel sorry for himself. While sequestered at home I’ve been trying to focus on the positive, but I’ve also been watching a lot of daytime TV, which means I’ve seen every imaginable pharmaceutical advertisement.

Take this one ad for treating plaque psoriasis. There is a 40-something-year-old “regular” guy at the gym who more than anything loves playing basketball. But his embarrassing rash has him sidelined. Cosentyx clears him up and gets him back in the game! But the story falls flat when he starts dribbling and looks like a toddler attempting yo-yo tricks. Basketball is his passion? Really? I could certainly play the role better than that guy. Cosentyx—call me.

When my back gave out, my mother-inlaw rushed over to help. My brother covered for me at work and my assistant coaches ran basketball practices for me. Elliott handled getting the garbage and recycling to the curb. Margo helped me put on my socks and gave me gentle snuggles to cheer me up.

Despite the discomfort, I do feel supported. Heck, at least I don’t have plaque psoriasis.

Timmy Daddy

By Tim Sullivan Tim Sullivan grew

Oh, wait – another pharmaceutical ad. It’s a happy, wintry scene right out of a Hallmark movie until the poor guy looks like he dislocates his elbow throwing a snowball. The actor isn’t model-goodlooking or anything so if they just needed an average dad-type who can properly throw a snowball they should have called me! Now I forget what the ailment and product even were. It may have been to treat diabetes or lower cholesterol or whatever. I have no idea though because I was so distracted by the actor.

But tuning out the TV for a few minutes, I really am awfully thankful for my wife. Even through a super busy week at work, Kristen has kept the household grooving while I groan, ingest Advil and watch TV. Her birthday is next week, too. She deserves some spoiling so

I really need to recover quickly. As of right now her gift will be whatever unused Icy-Hot patches I have left over.

I am glad that they stopped running those Cialis commercials with the His and Her bathtubs down at the lake though. Talk about suspension of reality. I always felt bad for the poor saps that had to carry those bathtubs down to the dock, too. I bet their backs hurt.

I’m not old enough to play the husband in Cialis ads, but I could offer some marketing consultation. I think people are annoyed by the same old rich guy with the salt and pepper coif. He has the self-satisfied look of someone who has made millions orchestrating hostile takeovers for Bain Capital. And his significantly younger wife is VERY excited about this little pill. They are basically a 30-year age progression of the couple with His and Her Audis gift wrapped in the driveway on Christmas morning. But let’s not get started on car commercials – bah humbug!

OK, I need to turn the TV off. My back will heal eventually, won’t it? There will be some presents under the tree and my guests will have a good time even if the house isn’t perfect, right? In 2020 I plan to remember that I am only as good as the people around me. And I’m very lucky to have such great people. Also, once I can put my own socks on again, I’m getting an agent. Happy New Year, all.