Advice Goddess

No R th Lake t ahoe S N owFe St See ya later, calculator

North Lake Tahoe will throw its annual end-of-winter party beginning on Thursday, March 3, with an opening celebration and coronation of the SnowFest Queen at Gar Woods Pier & Grill, 5000 N. Lake Blvd. Carnelian Bay. The festivities continue through March 13 with on-and off-mountain events like parades, races, competitions and fireworks shows at venues across North Lake Tahoe. Prices vary by event. Visit www.tahoesnowfest. com for a complete schedule.

—Kelley Lang

make it possible. M-Su through 4/11. $4-$10, free for members and children age 5 and younger. 10 S. Lake St., (775) 333-9300. NEVADA MUSEUM OF ART: The E.L. Wiegand

Collection: Representing the Work Ethic in American Art, W-Su through 4/17; Cedra Wood: A Residency on Earth, W-Su through 5/15; Andrea Zittel: Wallsprawl, W-Su through 12/31; Altered Landscape: Photographs of a Changing Environment, W-Su through 4/17; Daniel Douke: Extraordinary, W-Su through 4/24; Monuments & DeLIMITations: Projects by David Taylor and Marcos Ramírez ERRE, W-Su through 4/17; Don Dondero: A Photographic Legacy, W-Su through 7/10; Andy Diaz Hope & Jon Bernson: Beautification Machine, W-Su through 7/24; The Horse, W-Su through 7/3. Opens 3/5.

$1-$10. 160 W. Liberty St., (775) 329-3333, www.nevadaart.org. SPARKS HERITAGE MUSEUM: Hidden in Plain

Sight: The Basques. The exhibit tells of the unique origins, language and history of the Basque people, along with their contributions throughout history. Hidden in Plain Sight: The Basques is a traveling exhibit from the Basque Museum & Cultural Center in Boise, Idaho. Sa, 1-4pm through 5/14; Tu-F,

11am-4pm through 5/13. $5, free for museum members. 814 Victorian Ave., Sparks, (775) 355-1144.

Film

FAMILY FILM: THE BLACK STALLION: Celebrate

the opening of Nevada Museum of Art’s new exhibit The Horse with a special screening of the 1979 childhood classic, The Black Stallion, starring Kelly Reno and Mickey Rooney. Free for members or with paid museum admission. Sa, 3/5, 3-5pm. Nevada Museum of Art, 160 W. Liberty St., (775) 329-3333, www.nevadaart.org. THE BAREFOOT FLUTE TRIO: Enjoy a program of

flute music. Tu, 3/8, 4:45-5:45pm. Free. Incline

Village Library, 845 Alder Ave., Building A,

Incline Village, (775) 832-4130. COME IN FROM THE COLD FAMILY

ENTERTAINMENT SERIES: The 2016 series

continues with a performance by Richard

Elloyan and Steve Wade. Sa, 7pm through 3/12. $3 suggested donation per person.

Western Heritage Interpretive Center,

Bartley Ranch Regional Park, 6000 Bartley

Ranch Road, (775) 828-6612. LAST SOUTHERN GENTLEMEN TOUR: MARSALIS:

Grammy-winning producer, composer and trombonist Delfeayo Marsalis and his father

Ellis Marsalis present an evening of jazz.

Called by the National Endowment for the

Arts “New Orleans’ venerable first family of jazz,” the Marsalis family of four brothers is led by patriarch and pianist Ellis Marsalis

Jr., all of whom were granted the NEA’s venerable Jazz Masters Award. Th, 3/3, 7:30pm. $30 for adults; $24 for seniors, UNR faculty and staff; $12 for students and youths, $5 for UNR students with ID. Nightingale

Concert Hall, Church Fine Arts Building,

University of Nevada, Reno, 1335 N. Virginia

St., (775) 784-4278, www.unr.edu/pas. MONSTERBUG PROJECT: Monsterbug

Productions presents this showcase of local music with genres ranging from rock to hip hop. Bands scheduled to perform include

Streetwise Religion, Evan Heart, Coka

Grams, F.A.M.S. Ent. and Two Guns West. F, 3/4, 7pm. $10. Morris Burner Hotel, 400 E.

Fourth St., (775) 327-1171. PIPES ON THE RIVER: The Friday lunchtime concert series features guest artists performing on the church’s Casavant pipe organ. F, noon. Free. Trinity Episcopal

Church, 200 Island Ave., (775) 329-4279, www.trinityreno.org. I’m in a new relationship with the sweetest, most generous girl, but I’m hesitant to let her do nice stuff for me. In my previous relationship, every single nice thing my ex did was held against me later. I can hear her now: “Remember that time I brought you food at work? All the way across town?” Eventually, I’d wince anytime she did anything for me. However, my new girlfriend seems so happy to make me food or run an errand for me. Still, I feel uneasy. I keep waiting for her to turn into my ex and present me with a list of what I owe her.

Aww, a relationship with an accounts receivable department.

Your ex’s human abacus approach—running a relationship on the “Hey, what’s in it for me?” model—doesn’t bode well for happily ever after, and not just because it makes it hard to tell your girlfriend apart from one of those aggressive strangers who call at dinnertime, threatening to repo your car.

Social psychologist Margaret S. Clark explains that partners are more loving and generous toward each other when a relationship runs on the “communal” model (which describes love or friendship) rather than the “exchange” model (the merchant-customer relationship). The main difference between these relationship types is in the motivations for giving and the expectations in the wake of it. You give to somebody you love—like by giving your honey a massage—to make her feel good. You don’t wipe the lotion off your hands and then hand her a bill for $80.

Love relationships are often not entirely 50/50. The payback from a romantic partner often comes in different ways and at a later date, and that’s OK. In an exchange relationship, however, people give to get. There’s careful accounting and speedy invoicing. When the mechanic fixes your bum tire, immediately after doing the work, he expects equivalent compensation—in cold, hard cash (or plastic). You can’t just kiss him on the cheek, chirp, “Thanks, cookieface!” and be on your way.

Looking back at your relationship with your ex, ask yourself something: Why did she view popping over with a cooler at lunchtime—probably containing sandwiches and a Snapple—like she’d brought you her left kidney? Maybe she’s bean countery in all of her relationships. Or, maybe this reflects Clark’s finding that people in relationships switch to an “exchange norm” when they notice that their partner is all take and take.

In your current relationship, remind yourself to credit your girlfriend for who she is—which you do by observing her actions and attitude—instead of fearing who she might be. You should also make sure you’re holding up your part of the giving. But give for the right reason: to make her happy—and not because you can’t bear to hear another woman yelling, “Owe, owe, owe!” during sex.

How I learned to stop worrying and love the calm

I used to have a terrible temper. My girlfriend never experienced it because I did major therapy before meeting her. Now when I get upset, I step back, consider whether my beef is legit and then think about how I can present it calmly. My girlfriend, who gets frustrated that I can’t always discuss things immediately, says I “bottle up” my feelings.

Rarely do you hear someone say, “So, I ran the issue by my therapist, made a list of pros and cons, meditated on it … and then went out and put a bat through the guy’s windshield.”

Admirably, instead of continuing to lose your temper, you got it a little red leather collar and now you just walk it out of the room on a matching red leash. This doesn’t mean you “bottle up” your feelings. You’re simply giving reason first crack at your problems—which doesn’t exactly come naturally. Psychologists Daniel Kahneman and Amos Tversky explain that we have two thinking systems: a fastresponding emotional system and a slower rational system. Your rational system does come around eventually—typically, just in time to grab a broom and dustpan to sweep up the pieces of the job or relationship that your trigger-happy emotional system just exploded.

Because relationships are happier when those in them feel understood and appreciated, it seems you need to give your girlfriend the details on where you were and how far you’ve come. (Whaddya know, you didn’t spend those court-mandated anger management sessions with headphones on listening to Metallica.) Explaining this to her should help her understand that when you’re mulling things over, she isn’t waiting—she’s benefiting. Maybe you’ll get speedier at the reasoning process in time, but rushing you out of your cool-out corner is a bit like saying, “Hey, let’s make conflict resolution more like drunk dialing!” Ω

Got a problem? Write Amy Alkon, 171 Pier Ave., No. 280, Santa Monica,CA 90405, or email AdviceAmy@aol.com (www.advicegoddess.com).