Advice Goddess

Dust in the lust

I’m a man who has been married three times. Upon reflection, it seems to me that most women are ultimately not that interested in sex as a recreational activity. I try to be a selfless and devoted lover, but I always see a steep drop in a woman’s sexual interest after we’re together for a while. Can I do something to avoid this?

Admittedly, women aren’t going to psychics and asking, “Tell me, Madam Sasha … will he have recreational sex with me? I NEED TO KNOWWW!”

Still, there are plenty of lusty women who are just looking to bed and shed a guy. And I do get email from women desperate to get their man to put down Call of Duty and put out. But anthropologist Peter B. Gray and evolutionary biologist Justin Garcia write in Evolution & Human Sexual Behavior that a survey of the scientific literature finds what many of us probably recognize—that men, on average, have stronger and more consistent sex drives. As social psychologist Roy Baumeister put it in one of these studies: “Men want sex more than women at the start of a relationship, in the middle of it, and after many years of it.”

Gray and Garcia explain that “within an evolutionary lens, this (difference) makes sense.” They’re referring to how it was in an ancestral man’s (gene-spreading) best interest to have sex with any woman who’d have him. Women, however, benefited from being choosier—holding off from going into the bushes with just any “hit ‘em and quit ‘em” Mr. Neanderbrow, which could leave them as the sole caretaker for one or more little Neanderbrows.

But there’s choosiness and there’s choosing to replace hot sex with hot scrapbooking. When sexologist Rosemary Basson read a 1999 study with over a third of women reporting “low sexual desire,” she began to wonder whether the problem is in the women or in the expectation that desire in women will play out the way it does in men.

Basson found that in the early stages of a relationship, or if women are away from their partner for days or weeks, they will have that from-out-of-nowhere lust to get it on that men do. But once a woman settles into a relationship, sex often becomes a “responsive event.” This doesn’t mean her sex drive is permanently up on blocks on the front lawn. It’s what Basson calls “triggerable,” meaning that a woman first needs to start fooling around, which will lead to her getting aroused. She’ll then feel desire and be up for sexcapades. But because many couples don’t know this, their sex lives (and often their relationships) go to pot while they wait around for the woman’s desire like a bus that never comes.

This should tell you that it’s wise, when in a relationship, to schedule not just date night but sex date night. Sure having this as an event alert on your iPhone—just below “City Council meeting”—probably sounds pretty unsexy. However, it’s ultimately a whole lot sexier than getting to the point where your penis starts rogue-answering your phone with charming little greetings like “Death Row, how may I direct your call?”

Blareway to Heaven

My friends are shocked at how honest my boyfriend and I are with each other. He’ll tell me I need to brush my teeth…again. I’ll ask him if he’s heard of deodorant. We tease each other a lot, but it’s not mean-spirited. We love each other. Also, he says he’s grateful that he doesn’t have to constantly censor himself with me as he did with his previous girlfriends. But are we being too honest?

Sometimes the naked truth needs a back wax before it gets presented to anyone. But it really depends on the audience. You two, for example, seem to have a mutual admiration society with moments of “Umm … perhaps you hadn’t noticed …” The message? “Be yourself! But with one fewer green thing between your teeth.”

Marriage researcher John Gottman finds that what matters is the overall climate of the relationship—whether it’s a warm and loving friendship or the kind of “ship” where one longs to shove the other overboard when the cruise director rounds the corner. Gottman also emphasizes the importance of raising issues gently and sooner rather than later. Your way may not seem gentle to your friends, but providing that you don’t start seasoning your humor with contempt (which Gottman finds is a real relationship-killer), you probably have a good chance of growing old (and smelly) together. Picture yourselves in the old fogies home, reciting romantic poetry to each other— like this one (which I think is from Tennyson): “Roses are red, violets are blue, you look like a monkey, and you smell like one, too.” Ω

Got a problem? Write Amy Alkon, 171 Pier Ave., No. 280, Santa Monica,CA 90405, or email AdviceAmy@aol.com (www.advicegoddess.com).

PiRates aNd FaiRies

Come in costume to this pirate- and fairy-themed event featuring music by Plastic Paddy, Weapons of Mass Creation, DJ Sweets and DJ Jack Spaidz. Controlled Burn will light up the night with a fire performance. There will also be art cars, a no host bar and a fundraiser raffle. Tickets are $10 for Morris Burner Hotel members and $15 for nonmembers. The party begins at 8 p.m. on Saturday, Dec. 5, at Morris Burner Hotel, 400 E. Fourth St. Call 327-1171 or visit www.morrisburnerhotel.com.

SHEPPARD CONTEMPORARY GALLERY,

CHURCH FINE ARTS BUILDING,

UNIVERSITY OF NEVADA, RENO: Emily

Arthur. Part of Native American

Heritage Month, printmaker Emily

Arthur’s solo exhibition in Sheppard

Contemporary explores the ways in which she sees nature as an interdependent living force rather than as the backdrop for human events. M-F through 1/22. Free. 1664 N. Virginia St., (775) 784-6658. STREMMEL GALLERY: 3 Textures.

Stremmel Gallery presents an exhibition of new works by Carol Gove, Louise Forbush and Eleanor McCain. M-Sa through 12/19. Free. 1400 S.

Virginia St., (775) 786-0558, www. stremmelgallery.com. WILBUR D. MAY MUSEUM, RANCHO SAN

RAFAEL REGIONAL PARK: Magical

Moments Art Exhibition. The Sierra Watercolor Society’s new winter art exhibition features dozens of new watercolor paintings, from landscapes to abstracts and everything in between. Vote for your favorite painting to win the “People’s Choice” award. All art is available for purchase. W-Su through 12/13. Free. 1595 N. Sierra St., (775) 785-5961.

Museums

NATIONAL AUTOMOBILE MUSEUM (THE

HARRAH COLLECTION): SpaceMobiles:

From Rockets and Rovers to Cars on Mars. This exhibit takes a look at America’s fascination with exploring new frontiers and the machines that make it possible. M-Su through 4/11. $4-$10, free for members and children age 5 and younger. 10 S. Lake St., (775) 333-9300. NEVADA MUSEUM OF ART: Tahoe: A Visual

History. Experience Lake Tahoe landscapes through the eyes of 175 painters, photographers, architects, weavers and sculptors. The Nevada

Museum of Art has organized the first major art historical survey exhibition of painting, Native baskets, photography, architecture and contemporary art dedicated to Lake Tahoe,

Donner Pass and the surrounding

Sierra Nevada region. TAHOE: A Visual

History spans over two centuries of cultural and creative production related to the second largest freshwater alpine lake in the United

States. W-Su through 1/10. $1-$10. 160

W. Liberty St., (775) 329-3333, www.nevadaart.org. SPARKS HERITAGE MUSEUM: Sparks

Hometowne Artists Exhibition. The Sparks Museum & Cultural Center presents Hometowne Sparks Artists, a group exhibition of 10 local watercolor painters. The show features the work of Vicki E. Curwen, Laramie Trahern Ford, Eileen Fuller, Nancy Gunderson, Ken Heitzenrader, Erin Logan, Kathy Svets-Martin, Deborah Rife, Annette Terzo, and Kay Tietz. A special reception with hot chocolate and cookies will be held from 3 to 4 p.m. on Dec. 5 after the Sparks Hometowne Christmas parade. The artists’ reception will be held from 4 to 7 p.m. on Dec. 11. Tu-F, 11am-4pm through 12/31; Sa, 1-4pm through 12/31; Sa, 12/5, 3-4pm;

F, 12/11, 4-7pm. Free. 814 Victorian Ave., Sparks, (775) 355-1144, www.sparksmuseum.org.

Music

A CAPPELLA CHORUS NEEDS SINGERS:

Female singers ages of 15 and older are invited to try out for High Desert

Harmony, Reno’s Chapter of Sweet

Adelines International. The a cappella group performs at events around the Truckee Meadows area, including charity events, holiday shows, private parties and Artown. M, 6:30-9pm through 12/31. Free. Five Star Premier

Residences of Reno, 3201 Plumas St., http://highdesertharmony.net. COMPOSERS’ CONCERT: Hear premiere

performances of electronic and acoustic music by University of

Nevada, Reno student composers. Su, 12/6, 7:30pm. Free. Nightingale Concert

Hall, Church Fine Arts Complex,

University of Nevada, Reno, 1335 N.

Virginia St., (775) 784-4278. CROSS CULTURAL: WORLD MUSIC AND

DANCE: Traditional Association for

Cultural Harmony (TACH) present this concert which includes an Indian dance and Indian classical music, as well as jazz, fusion, saxophone, flute and harp. Sa, 12/5, 7-10pm. $10-$15.

Laxalt Auditorium, Warren Nelson

Building, 401 W. Second St., (775) 336-9733, www.tach.info. THE MAGICIANS OF PERCUSSION: The

Argenta Concert Series presents the fourth of eight performances. Guest percussionists Christopher Froh, Ayano Kataoka and Ian David Rosenbaum will perform music ranging from Bach to Takemitsuru. W, 12/9, 7:30pm. $25; $5 for students with ID. Nightingale Concert Hall, Church Fine Arts Complex, University of Nevada, Reno, 1335 N. Virginia St., (775) 7844278, http://unr.edu/cla/music/acs/ index.htm. MILE HIGH JAZZ BAND: JAZZ & POETRY:

The evening features music performed by the big band jazz band who will be joined by poetry readers Rita Geil, Wayne Carlson, Krista Lucas, Tracy McQuay, Susan Sara Priest, Tim Rhodes and Shiela Steele and singers Cindee LeVal and June Joplin. The theme for the night is “You Better Watch Out.” Tu, 12/8, 7:30-9:30pm. $5,

free for youth ages 18 and younger.

Comma Coffee, 312 S. Carson St.,

Carson City, (775) 883-2662. NEVADA WIND ENSEMBLE: The ensemble

gives its final performance of the semester with a mix of traditional and contemporary works for wind band. M, 12/7, 7:30pm. $5, free for students with ID. Nightingale Concert Hall, Church Fine Arts Complex, University of Nevada, Reno, 1335 N. Virginia St., (775) 784-4278, www.unr.edu/arts.

NORTHSTAR CHAMBER PLAYERS: The

woodwind quintet will perform selections from The Nutcracker,

Christmas carols and other seasonal music. Tu, 12/8, 4pm. Free. Sierra View

Library, 4001 S. Virginia St., located inside Reno Town Mall, (775) 827-3232;

Tu, 12/8, 6pm. Free. Sparks Library, 1125 12th St., Sparks, (775) 352-3200. PIPES ON THE RIVER: The Friday lunch-

time concert series features guest artists performing on the church’s

Casavant pipe organ. F, noon. Free.

Trinity Episcopal Church, 200 Island

Ave., (775) 329-4279. SOUNDS OF THE SEASON: P’Opera! pres-

ents an evening of holiday music including traditional and contemporary tunes. Su, 12/6, 5 & 7:30pm. $30.

The Bridge Restaurant & Bar, 425 S.

Virginia St., (775) 233-5105, www.poperanv.org. SPIRIT OF THE SEASON: The Reno

Philharmonic Orchestra and conductor Dr. Jason Altieri kick off the holiday season with a variety-style combination of singers, dancers, performers, students, Santa Tappers, Santa Claus and more. The show features orchestral arrangements, jazzy numbers, traditional holiday tunes and carols. Sa, 12/5, 2 & 8pm; Su, 12/6,

2pm. $15-$70. Pioneer Center for the

Performing Arts, 100 S. Virginia St., (775) 323-6393. TUBA CHRISTMAS: Local tuba, baritone and euphonium players are invited to participate in the holiday concert.

Registration begins at 12:30 p.m., followed by rehearsal at 1 p.m., and the free concert at 3 p.m. Sa, 12/5, 3pm.

Free. Wilbur D. May Museum, Rancho

San Rafael Regional Park, 1595 N.

Sierra St., (775) 847-9207. UNIVERSITY OF NEVADA JAZZ ENSEMBLES:

Jazz Ensembles I & II present the music of Maria Schneider, Thad Jones, James Miley and University of Nevada, Reno students. Th, 12/3, 7:30pm. $5 for adults; free for UNR students with ID. Nightingale Concert Hall, Church Fine Arts Complex, University of Nevada, Reno, 1335 N. Virginia St., (775) 784-4278.

Sports & Fitness

DOWNTOWN RENO ICE RINK: The ice skat-

ing rink will be open from 10 a.m. to 10 p.m. Monday through Saturday, and 10 a.m. to 7 p.m. on Sunday through February. Extended holiday hours are Dec. 18 through Jan. 10. Weather conditions may affect rink conditions, so please call in advance to confirm operating hours. M-Su, 10am through

2/14. $8 adults, $6 children ages 3-12 and seniors ages 55 and older, $3 skate rental. Reno Aces Ballpark, 250 Evans Ave., (775) 334-7035, www.renoaces.com. GUIDED HIKE: Enjoy a guided hike through Galena Creek Park with a local specialist. Please bring appropriate clothing and plenty of water.

Sa, 10am-noon. $5 suggested donation.

Galena Creek Visitor Center, 18250 Mt.

Rose Highway, (775) 849-4948, www.thegreatbasininstitute.org. WILD WEST SHOOTOUT: The 12th annual

event brings together top high school basketball teams from throughout the West. This year’s teams include Bishop Manogue Catholic High School from Reno, Reed High School from Sparks, Douglas High School from Gardnerville, Nev., North Tahoe High School from Tahoe City, Calif., and Saint Mary’s High School from Stockton, Calif. Funds raised through the basketball tournament will go toward helping families with an autistic child attending the University of Nevada, Reno Early Childhood Autism Program. Th, 12/3, 3pm; F, 12/4, 3pm; Sa, 12/5, 11am. $6-$25. Bishop

Manogue Catholic High School, 110 Bishop Manogue Drive, (775) 348-7173, http://wildwestshootoutnv.org.

Onstage

BUTTCRACKER 6–UNDERLAND: Brüka

Theatre presents this parody based on the holiday favorite The Nutcracker. The holiday farce takes Clara and the gang into a warped Brüka wonderland. The Dec. 13th matinee is followed by a talkback with the company and audience. Th, 12/3, 8pm; F, 12/4, 8pm; Sa, 12/5, 8pm; W, 12/9, 8pm; Th, 12/10, 8pm; F, 12/11, 8pm; Sa, 12/12, 8pm; Su, 12/13, 2pm; W, 12/16, 8pm; Th, 12/17, 8pm; F, 12/18, 8pm; Sa,

12/19, 8pm. $22 general, $20 students, seniors, military; $25 at the door.

Brüka Theatre, 99 N. Virginia St., (775) 323-3221, www.bruka.org. THE NUTCRACKER: Bay Pointe Ballet presents their critically acclaimed production of the holiday favorite.

Sa, 12/5, 7pm; Su, 12/6, 2pm. $29-$59.

Grand Sierra Resort, 2500 E. Second

St., (775) 789-2000. PEANUTCRACKER: THE STORY IN A

NUTSHELL: Based on Marius Petipa’s original ballet The Nutcracker, Sierra Nevada Ballet presents this shorter, narrated version that is designed for families with younger children to introduce them to the world of ballet. The performance will feature guest artists Alicia Holloway and James Applewhite from Dance Theater of Harlem, the Sierra Nevada Ballet Company, students from the Sierra Nevada Ballet Academy and ballet students from throughout the community. F, 12/4, 10am. $6-$11. Carson City Community Center, 851 E. William St., Carson City, (775) 887-2290, www.sierranevadaballet.org.

Classes

THE BREASTFEEDING FORUM: Breast-

feeding mothers are invited to join this breast-feeding support group. Mothers exchange their experiences and discuss concerns such as milk supply, pumping, going back to work, sleeping or lack of sleep, etc. RSVP at http://doodle.com/cy5nrur23mbg6pie. Tu, 4-5pm. $10 drop in; free for first-time attendees. Renown South Meadows Medical Center, 10101 Double R Blvd., (775) 240-9916.