Advice Goddess

The gospel of lukewarm

I’ve been in a long-distance relationship with my dream man. When we aren’t together, I feel super-disconnected and needy. I’ve never been that sort of person, but he is a master of compartmentalization and just calls or texts back when I contact him and is happy to see me when he sees me. This just isn’t working for me. I need a guy who’s excited enough about me day to day that he takes a little initiative to talk to me. I’ve asked him repeatedly to even just text me first from time to time so I can feel like I matter to him. However, nothing changes. I now think I should end it. I do love him, though, and my friends are telling me that I’ve already invested nine months of my life in this relationship and I might as well see it through now. There is the possibility he’d move to my city, but that wouldn’t be for at least eight months, and it’s only a possibility.

In situations like this, “absence” would be more useful if, instead of making the heart “grow fonder,” it made the heart grow little legs and trot off to a bar to chat up somebody new.

You’ve told this guy what you need—no, not diamonds, furs and surgical conjoinment—just a text at some point in the afternoon or maybe a call as he’s on his way someplace. He pretty much responded, “I hear ya, baby—and can’t wait to keep doing the exact same thing!” This led you to the obvious, and healthy, conclusion: Time to jump off the lost-cause train. But just then, up popped your friends to yank you back into the boxcar, advising you to put up with the unhappy and see where it goes—because you’ve already put in so much unhappy.

Right.

This sort of thinking is called the “sunk cost fallacy.” It’s a common cognitive bias—an error in reasoning—that leads us to keep investing in something simply because we’ve already invested so much. Behavioral economist Daniel Kahneman explains that even when we sense that investing further is futile, we’re prone to do it because of how powerfully loss affects us. His research finds that we may even feel twice as much pain from a loss as we feel happiness from a gain. So, rather than take the hit to our ego by admitting we’ve wasted our time, we waste more time doing whatever wasted our time in the first place.

The rational (and misery-reducing) approach is recognizing that the time we’ve already put in is gone and that throwing more time in after it won’t change that. What makes sense is deciding what to do based on how likely it is to pay off in the future. In this case, sure, your boyfriend could have a near-death experience, re-evaluate his life, and start texting you heart emojis every 20 minutes—and Elton John could divorce his husband and start dating women. Of course, if you ditch this guy, your replacement dream man may not pop up immediately in his wake. But at the very least, you should find that there are many men out there who can fail to meet your needs without your spending thousands of dollars a year on plane tickets.

Lip bomb

I love my girlfriend but don’t love how aggressive she is with her tongue when we kiss. I like softer kissing, but I think she thinks I won’t find her “passionate” enough that way. She has big, beautiful lips, and she’s intense, and I don’t need her tongue down my throat to feel connected. How do I navigate this difference in styles?

It’s great to have your girlfriend’s kisses kick off a fantasy in your head, but not that you’re playing spin the bottle with a camel.

Unfortunately, there’s really no such thing as “constructive criticism.” Criticizing people doesn’t make them change; it makes them want to clobber you. That’s because we live in modern times with an antique psychological operating system. A verbal attack sets off pretty much the same biochemical alarm as a guy in a loincloth and face paint coming after you with a bloody spear. The good news is that turning criticism into opinion often makes all the difference in getting it heard. In this case, this simply involves telling your girlfriend how you like to be kissed— and then (fun!) showing her. It’s great to have a woman who takes your breath away—but not because she’s trying to give you a laryngectomy with her tongue. Ω

Got a problem? Write Amy Alkon, 171 Pier Ave., No. 280, Santa Monica,CA 90405, or email AdviceAmy@aol.com (www.advicegoddess.com).

Art

ART INDEED! SIERRA MEMORIAL ART

SPACE: Luscious Abstracts and Plus 2. The abstract art gallery is open for the Riverwalk Wine Walk on Nov. 21 and the Artists’ Open House on Nov. 29. Gallery hours are 1:30-6pm on Monday, 3:30-7pm Tuesday through Thursday, or by appointment. Sa, 11/21, 2-5pm; Su, 11/29, 2-5pm. Free. 142

Bell St., (775) 846-8367. HOLLAND PROJECT GALLERY: The

University of the Waves. The Holland Project presents a solo exhibition by University of Nevada, Reno student Häsler R. Gómez. His installationbased exhibition brings to life the realistic idea of uncertainty and the wonder that comes with it. Tu-F, 3-6pm through 11/27. Free. 140 Vesta

St., (775) 742-1858, www.hollandreno. org. HOLLAND PROJECT MICRO GALLERY AT

BIBO COFFEE CO.: The Universe Within. Through the process of collage and layering mixed media, Aspen Cleaveland’s work expresses the power behind individual energies/ vibrations and their connections the cosmic, physical and metaphysical realm. A reception for the artist will be held on Friday, Dec. 4, from 6-8pm. M-Su through 12/18. Opens 11/23; F,

12/4, 6-8pm. Free. 945 Record St., (775) 348-8087, www.hollandreno.org. THE ISLES TEASHOP: Coffee For One—

Photos by Eric Marks. The Isles Teashop features work by local photographer Eric Marks in its gallery. Marks will talk about his photographs at the opening reception on Nov. 22. Su, 11/22, 4:30-6:30pm; W-Su through

12/18. Opens 11/22. Free. 809 Center

St., (775) 384-1804. JOT TRAVIS BUILDING, UNIVERSITY OF

NEVADA, RENO: Philip Zimmermann:

Photographic Artist’s Books and

Other Publishing Ventures. Philip

Zimmermann uses photography and design to create visual narratives that unfold within the time and space of the book. The exhibition will feature Zimmermann’s individual and collaborative artist books and printer’s proof sheets. The exhibition runs through Nov. 20 in Room 118, Black

Rock Press in the Jot Travis Building.

M-F through 11/20. Free. 900 N. Virginia

St., (775) 784-6837. LAKE MANSION: Practice makes Perfect.

In partnership with Sierra Arts

Foundation, Arts for All Nevada presents this exhibition and sale of artwork created by local teaching artists from the community and will be split across the two locations.

Opening reception on Nov. 20. F, 11/20, 5-7pm; M-F through 12/24. Free. 250

Court St., (775) 826-6100. MCKINLEY ARTS & CULTURE CENTER:

empathy + uncertainties. West Gallery in McKinley Arts & Culture Center hosts local artist and teacher Lisa Kurt. Empathy + Uncertainties is a collection of acrylic and mixed media on wood panel paintings. Through her work, she explores stories that involve people, animals and creatures in mysterious settings, often incorporating nature and the unexpected. Through 11/20, 8am-5pm. Free; Tufascapes of Winnemucca Lake, East Gallery in McKinley Arts & Culture Center hosts local artist Mike Clasen. Tufascapes of Winnemucca Lake is a collection of photograph prints showcasing the stark, beautiful landscape and unique tufa formations of Winnemucca Lake. Through 11/20. Free. 925 Riverside Drive, (775) 334-2417.

OXS GALLERY, NEVADA ARTS COUNCIL:

Walter McNamara and Lynda Yuroff. Walter McNamara’s pieces in Recycled Habits are manipulated and transformed, combined with other bits and pieces, and worked into the service of visual statements. The results are personal myths that mix satire, puns and storytelling. In Trickster Ways, Yuroff’s work is influenced by the trickster figure of Native American mythology as she studies the changes that occur during the creative process—adding and removing paint, defining the object, then obscuring and re-defining the piece. M-F, 8am-5pm through 12/18.

Free. 716 N. Carson St., Ste. A, Carson

City, (775) 687-6680, http://nac. nevadaculture.org. RENO CITY HALL: Earth, Sky, & Water.

Metro Gallery in City Hall hosts local artist and teacher Luverne Lightfoot.

Earth, Sky, & Water is a collection of oil paintings that accentuates the beauty of Western landscapes.

Through 11/20. Free. 1 E. First St., (775) 334-4636.

SHEPPARD CONTEMPORARY GALLERY,

CHURCH FINE ARTS BUILDING,

UNIVERSITY OF NEVADA, RENO:

Emily Arthur. Part of Native American

Heritage Month, printmaker Emily

Arthur’s solo exhibition in Sheppard

Contemporary explores the ways in which she sees nature as an interdependent living force rather than as the backdrop for human events. M-F through 1/22. Free. 1664 N. Virginia St., (775) 784-6658. STREMMEL GALLERY: 3 Textures.

Stremmel Gallery presents an exhibition of new works by Carol Gove, Louise Forbush and Eleanor McCain. The show features the work of three artists who work in different media and use diverse artistic vocabularies. The artist reception will be held on Nov. 19. Th, 11/19, 5-7pm; M-Sa through

12/19. Free. 1400 S. Virginia St., (775) 786-0558, www.stremmelgallery.com. WILBUR D. MAY MUSEUM, RANCHO SAN

RAFAEL REGIONAL PARK: Magical

Moments Art Exhibition. The Sierra Watercolor Society’s new winter art exhibition features dozens of new watercolor paintings, from landscapes to abstracts and everything in between. Vote for your favorite painting to win the “People’s Choice” award. All art is available for purchase. W-Su through 12/13. Free. 1595 N. Sierra St., (775) 785-5961.

Museums

NATIONAL AUTOMOBILE MUSEUM (THE

HARRAH COLLECTION): SpaceMobiles:

From Rockets and Rovers to Cars on Mars. This exhibit takes a look at

America’s fascination with exploring new frontiers and the machines that make it possible. M-Su through 4/11. $4-$10, free for members and children age 5 and younger. 10 S. Lake

St., (775) 333-9300, www.automuseum.org. NEVADA MUSEUM OF ART: Tahoe: A Visual

History. Experience Lake Tahoe landscapes through the eyes of 175 painters, photographers, architects, weavers and sculptors. The Nevada Museum of Art has organized the first major art historical survey exhibition of painting, Native baskets, photography, architecture and contemporary art dedicated to Lake Tahoe, Donner Pass and the surrounding Sierra Nevada region. TAHOE: A Visual History spans over two centuries of cultural and creative production related to the second largest freshwater alpine lake in the United States. W-Su through 1/10. $1-$10. 160 W. Liberty St., (775) 329-3333, www. nevadaart.org.

Film

MACBETH: Dismissed by critics and audiences upon its initial release, Orson

Welles’ 1948 version of the Scottish

Play has achieved classic status in the ensuing years. Tu, 11/24, 7pm. $7 general, $6 students and seniors, $5 members. Good Luck Macbeth Theatre Company, 713 S. Virginia St., (775) 322-3716, www. artemisiamovies.org.

GOTHAM: A Reno Sculpture Fest Benefit

Reno Sculpture Fest present this fund-raising benefit party in collaboration with Reno Art Works, Fresh Bakin’ and Whitney Peak Hotel. The event features headlining music performances by Russ Liquid and Dirtwire with supporting acts Hullabaloo, Irieyes and Ross Jenssen, as well as dance performances by Asha Belly Dance, Mommy & Daddy Longlegs, Amandaconda Burlesque, Exothermal Pole Cirque, London Dupere, among other guests. The party begins at 8 p.m. on Saturday, Nov. 21, at Cargo inside Whitney Peak Hotel, 255 N. Virginia St. Tickets are $15 in advance and $20 at the door. Visit http://renosculpturefest.com/gotham.

—Kelley Lang

WARREN MILLER’S CHASING SHADOWS

FILM: Watch top athletes as they chase storms, snow, big lines and their dreams on mountains across the world in Warren Miller Entertainment’s 66th snow sports film. Sa, 11/21, 7pm. $20. Reno Ballroom, 401 N. Center St., (775) 325-7333

Poetry/ Literature

NEVADA WRITERS HALL OF FAME: The

28th annual event will induct New York Times best-selling author Ellen Hopkins and award Silver Pens to Mark Maynard and Laura McBride. The literary evening includes a small silent auction. Th, 11/19, 6pm. $40. Joe Crowley Student Union Ballrooms, University of Nevada, Reno, 1664 N. Virginia St., (775) 682-6022, http:// guides.library.unr.edu/nvwritershall-of-fame.

Music

A CAPPELLA CHORUS NEEDS SINGERS:

Female singers ages of 15 and older are invited to try out for High Desert Harmony, Reno’s Chapter of Sweet Adelines International. The a cappella group performs at events around the Truckee Meadows area, including charity events, holiday shows, private parties and Artown. M, 6:30-9pm through 12/31. Free. Five Star Premier

Residences of Reno, 3201 Plumas St., (775) 544-9911, http://highdesertharmony.net/events.html. AN EVENING OF FRENCH GRAND OPERA:

The Nevada Chamber Opera performance will include scenes from Georges Bizet’s Carmen, Charles Gounod’s Faust and Romeo and Juliet and Jules Massenet’s Manon. Th, 11/19, 8pm; F, 11/20, 8pm; Sa, 11/21,

2pm. $15, $5 for students. Nightingale

Concert Hall, Church Fine Arts

Complex, University of Nevada, Reno, 1335 N. Virginia St., (775) 784-4278. FLUTE, OBOE AND BASSOON STUDIO

RECITAL: An evening of music featuring an assortment of woodwind instruments performed by students of Mary Miller and Eric Fassbender.

Music from Mozart to Copland will be presented by University of Nevada,

Reno musicians, accompanied by pianist Andrea Lenz. M, 11/23, 7:30pm.

Free. Nightingale Concert Hall, Church

Fine Arts Complex, University of

Nevada, Reno, 1335 N. Virginia St., (775) 784-4278. L-CUBED: LOOK, LUNCH AND LISTEN

CONCERT: A free weekly noontime jazz and classical music collaborative series featuring performances by students and faculty in a laid back, lunchtime setting. W, 11/25, noon; W, 12/2, noon. Free. Randall Rotunda,

Mathewson-IGT Knowledge Center, 1664 N. Virginia St. University of

Nevada, Reno, (775) 784-4278. MCQUEEN ORCHESTRA FALL FUSION

$5-$25. Pioneer Center for the

Performing Arts, 100 S. Virginia St., www.pioneercenter.com. UNIVERSITY SYMPHONY ORCHESTRA

FALL CONCERT NO. 2: The University

of Nevada, Reno orchestra performs Symphony No. 5 by Dmitri Shostakovich. Tu, 11/24, 7:30pm. $5 general admission, free for students with ID. Nightingale Concert Hall, Church Fine Arts Complex, University of Nevada, Reno, 1335 N. Virginia St., (775) 784-4278, www.unr.edu/arts.

Sports & Fitness

DOWNTOWN RENO ICE RINK: The ice skat-

ing rink will be open from 10 a.m. to 10 p.m. Monday through Saturday, and 10 a.m. to 7 p.m. on Sunday through February. Extended holiday hours from Dec. 18 through Jan. 10. Weather conditions may affect rink conditions, so please call in advance to confirm operating hours. M-Su, 10am through

2/14. Opens 11/24. $8 adults, $6 children ages 3-12 and seniors ages 55 and older, $3 skate rental. Reno Aces

Ballpark, 250 Evans Ave., (775) 3347035, www.renoaces.com. GUIDED HIKE: Enjoy a guided hike through Galena Creek Park with a local specialist. Please bring appropriate clothing and plenty of water.

The hike intensity varies, depending on the audience. Sa, 10am-noon. $5 suggested donation. Galena Creek

Visitor Center, 18250 Mt. Rose

Highway, (775) 849-4948.

Onstage

FALL DANCE FESTIVAL: The festival show-

cases faculty and selected student choreography with performance by University of Nevada, Reno students. 11/19-11/21, 8pm; Sa, 11/21, 2pm.

$5-$15. Redfield Proscenium Theatre,

Church Fine Arts Building, University of Nevada, Reno, 1335 N. Virginia St., (775) 784-4278. GROUNDED: Good Luck Macbeth presents George Brant’s award-winning drama. Th, 11/19, 7:30-9pm; F, 11/20, 7:30-9pm; Sa, 11/21, 7:30-9pm; F, 11/27, 7:30-9pm; Sa, 11/28, 7:30-9pm. $15 in

advance, $18 at the door. Good Luck

Macbeth Theatre Company, 713 S.

Virginia St., (775) 322-3716, www.goodluckmacbeth.org. HEARTS LIKE FISTS/ALMOST MAINE: The

Performing Arts Center at Damonte Ranch High School and TheatreWorks of Northern Nevada are presenting two plays in repertory, Adam Szymkowicz’s Hearts Like Fists and John Cariani’s Almost Maine. Both plays deal with the perils of love. Th, 11/19, 7pm; F, 11/20, 3 & 7pm; Sa,

11/21, 3 & 7pm. $9 general admission; $7 students, seniors; WCSD staff.

Damonte Ranch High School, 10500 Rio

Wrangler Parkway, (775) 334-7221. MARY POPPINS: The Western Nevada

Musical Theatre Company presents the hit Broadway musical production with a script written by Julian

Fellowes. F, 11/20, 7:30pm; Sa, 11/21, 2 & 7:30pm; Su, 11/22, 2pm. $25-$28.

Bob Boldrick Theater, Carson City Community Center, 851 E. William St., Carson City, (866) 977-6849; www. wnmtc.com.

OUR TOWN: The Booth Street Players presents Thornton Wilder’s American classic about life and all it entails. It follows the inhabitants of Grover’s

Corners as they laugh, fight and age.

Tu-Sa, 7pm through 11/20; Sa, 11/21,

1pm. $8-$10. Reno High School, 395 Booth St.; (775) 333-5050 ext. 34124.