Advice Goddess

Think Free

Photo-bomb scare

I’m a 29-year-old woman, and I’ve been dating a guy for two months. I was scrolling (OK, stalking him) on Instagram and saw a pic of him with this pretty girl with her arm draped around his neck. Does monogamy just happen, or should I initiate the “commitment talk”? Welcome to the place relationship dreams go to die, also known as social media. One moment, you see your relationship heading toward the town of OnlyYouville, and the next, it’s looking more like a Ten Commandments production still of the Israelites crossing the Red Sea.

Understand why men commit: because they come to love a particular woman more than they love their freedom—not because they’ve decided it would be a bore to have sex with the Pilates-teaching twins. Getting to “only you” happens after a guy starts to feel attached to you, which comes out of a combination of sexual attraction, emotional compatibility, and the sense that you have a package of qualities that he’s unlikely to get from anyone else. Feeling this way takes time—time spent together, and sometimes, a little time spent comparison shopping. Trying to rush the process is like planting a pea in the morning, yelling “Grow! Grow! Grow!” and expecting to be climbing a beanstalk by noon.

Also, even for a guy who’s starting to care about you, hearing “We need to have the commitment talk” can be like hearing the starting gun at the Olympics. There are couples who get serious without ever having this icky conversation. It just happens organically. But to avoid misunderstandings, right from the start, you should be indicating your interest in getting into a relationship. No, not with strategically strewn Brides magazines or messages magic-markered across your breasts: “MARRY ME!!!” You simply drop remarks about what you want and then ask questions to draw out what a guy’s up for. This allows you to get out fast if your goals aren’t a match—as opposed to getting to the four-month mark, holding him down and screaming in his face: “So what’s it gonna be, buddy? You looking to start a family—or a harem?”

As for the woman in this photo, she could be someone to your man—or someone standing near him when his friend was taking his picture. (People shooting photos rarely say, “OK, you two, get as far apart as you can.”) You could ask him—and reveal that you’ve been going all Secret Squirrel on social media. But you could also ask yourself, simply by applying context. Look at the photo as one piece of information in the whole of your experiences with him: Is he increasingly sweet and attentive? Increasingly eager to see you? Are you starting to meet his friends? Chances are, you already have the information you need to figure out whether your relationship is going places—without trying to conduct it at a speed that suggests your ancestry is part French, part Italian and part cheetah.

As duck would have it

My boyfriend just said, “Your lips get bigger and smaller. What’s going on?” I admitted that I’ve been getting them injected. He hinted that I should stop, saying, “You’re too hot. You don’t need it.” Do I really need to kick the habit? If your boyfriend wanted to kiss something inflated, he’d make out with his tires.

There’s a reason you feel compelled to join the reality-star-led parade of women duckbilling it up—as opposed to going in for a nostril enlargement. Men evolved to prefer women with plump lips. As for why, it turns out that the features men across cultures find beautiful are those that give them the best shot of passing on their genes. Biopsychologist Victor S. Johnston, who studies the biological basis of human facial attractiveness, finds that full lips on a woman (along with small jaws and a small chin) are associated with low androgens (male hormones) and elevated levels of the female hormone estrogen—a combination that translates to higher fertility. In other words, big pillowy lips are basically a message from nature’s ad agency: “Wanna have descendants? Pick me—not some thin-lipped Lizzie.”

However, there are full lips and lips full of stuff some plastic surgeon injected in them, and any plastic surgery that can be spotted as such is usually a turnoff to men. (You might as well get a tattoo that says, “Hi, I’m insecure!”) So, tempting as it is to keep up with the Kardashians, you’ll be more attractive to your boyfriend if you don’t seem to need to. Best of all, to accomplish this, all you have to do is avoid spending hundreds of dollars to look like you just got out of a heavy make-out session with the vacuum cleaner. Ω

Got a problem? Write Amy Alkon, 171 Pier Ave., No. 280, Santa Monica,CA 90405, or email AdviceAmy@aol.com (www.advicegoddess.com).

ARTISTS CO-OP OF RENO GALLERY: Piqued

Again, Erik Holland and Pan Pantoja showcase their paintings of various mountain peaks and landscapes in a tribute to Mother Earth and the elements that are threatening her. M-Su, 11am-4pm through

11/8. Free. 627 Mill St., (775) 322-8896, www.artistsco-opgalleryreno.com. LIBERTY FINE ART: Drawings & Paintings by

Zoe Murkovich, The nine-year-old artist loves to draw dragons, dinos, horses and kitties all doing extraordinary things. Her latest gallery show is Laughing Dragons & The Half Moon. Through 10/31, 10am-5pm.

100 W. Liberty St., (775) 232-8079. NORTH TAHOE ARTS CENTER: October Exhibits

at North Tahoe Arts, Glass Quartet features artwork by regional glass artists

Catherine Strand, Pam Sutton, William

Hutchison and Toni Rockwell in the NTA

Main Gallery. Lake Tahoe & The Sierra features oils by Howard Friedman in the NTA

Corison Loft Gallery. Through 11/2, 11am5pm. Free. 380 North Lake Blvd., Tahoe City, (530) 581-2787, www.northtahoearts.com. SHEPPARD CONTEMPORARY GALLERY, CHURCH

FINE ARTS BUILDING, UNIVERSITY OF NEVADA,

RENO: Jean Stamsta: Neon Volcanoes

Reception, Self-taught artist Jean

Stamsta was a pioneer of the tubular weaving art form. Drawn from University

Galleries’ permanent collection—which includes nearly 100 objects of the artist’s work gifted from Kohler Foundation—this exhibition invites dialogue around questions about who can call themselves an artist, what is art and what place does the material of everyday life have in our lives.

Th, 10/15, 5:30pm. Free. 1664 N. Virginia St., (775) 784-6658. SIERRA NEVADA COLLEGE: The Artists Book:

Divergent Perspectives, Reno Book Arts presents a unique collection of artists books, prints and broadsides by Northern Nevada artist. These works illustrate the array of book arts mediums and the multitude of divergent perspectives that can be achieved through the art of the book. Artists include Rob Borges, Carol Brown, Katherine Case, Katty Hoover, Judith Rodby, Jaime Shafer and Sharon Tetly. M-Su through 10/30. Dry Spell Basin,

Bay Area collaborative group Manners (Lisa Rybovich Crallé and Sophia Wang) presents a site-specific performance and sculptural installation. Dry Spell Basin conceals and foregrounds the human form within an exaggerated natural landscape as a critical response to anthropocentric conceptions of and intervention into nature. The performance will be held south of the Demonstration Garden, with parking available west of Prim Library. Th, 10/15, 6:30pm. Free. Transfusion is a multimedia reconstruction of the electric power transmission system at a human scale.

The show, featuring work by Lisa Ward, highlights both the formal and anthropomorphic characteristics of this life(style) sustaining infrastructure. M-Su through 10/30. Contact Sarah Lillegard (775) 8817525, slillegard@sierranevada.edu, www. sierranevada.edu/academics/fine-arts/ gallery for details on this exhibit. 999

Tahoe Blvd. in Incline Village, (775) 831-1314. STREMMEL GALLERY: John Salminen: City

Light, The watercolor artist’s second solo exhibition at Stremmel Gallery is a visual diary of his travels throughout Europe, the

United States and China. M-Sa through 11/7.

Free. 1400 S. Virginia St., (775) 786-0558, www.stremmelgallery.com.

Museums

NATIONAL AUTOMOBILE MUSEUM (THE HARRAH

COLLECTION): SpaceMobiles: From Rockets and Rovers to Cars on Mars, This exhibit takes a look at America’s fascination with exploring new frontiers and the machines that make it possible. M-Su through 4/11. $4-$10, free for members and children age 5 and younger. 10 S. Lake St., (775) 333-9300. NEVADA MUSEUM OF ART: Tahoe: A Visual

History, Experience Lake Tahoe landscapes through the eyes of 175 painters, photographers, architects, weavers and sculptors. The Nevada Museum of Art has organized the first major art historical survey exhibition of painting, Native baskets, photography, architecture and contemporary art dedicated to Lake Tahoe, Donner Pass and the surrounding Sierra Nevada region. TAHOE: A Visual History spans over two centuries of cultural and creative production related to the second largest freshwater alpine lake in the United States. W-Su through 1/10. $1-10. 160 W. Liberty St., (775) 329-3333, www. nevadaart.org.

Film

FILM AND DISCUSSION:APPRECIATING COYOTES:

Camilla Fox, founder and executive director of Project Coyote and 2014

Conservationist of the Year, will introduce a film and lead a discussion about how we can better coexist with wildlife including coyotes and why coyotes are ecologically important. F, 10/16, 6:30pm. Free. Nevada

Humane Society, 2825 Longley Lane, Ste. B, (775) 425-0403, www.trailsafe.org. OUTWEST FILM FEST: The inaugural LGBTQ film festival features screenings and parties. Screenings at the Good Luck Macbeth

Theatre include short films, documentaries and features. Sa, 10/17, 11:30am-4pm,

Su, 10/18, 11:30am-6pm. $10 per showing.

Good Luck Macbeth Theatre Company, 713 S. Virginia St., (775) 997-7523, www. outwestfilmfest.org. The NMA will host a screening of Matt Shepard Is A Friend of Mine at 4:30pm, followed by a Q&A session with a local producer of the film. Desert Hearts, which was filmed in Reno and Pyramid Lake, shows at 7pm. A Q&A session with the film’s director follows the screening. A VIP Meet the Filmmakers Party at Harrah’s Reno begins at 9pm. There will be a Western theme party at the 5 Star Saloon from 10:30pm to 1am. Sa, 10/17, 4:30-9pm. Early bird price $15. Nevada Museum of Art, 160 W. Liberty St., (775) 997-7523, www.outwestfilmfest.org.

Poetry/ Literature

THE WRITERS’ BLOCK OPEN MIC AT

WILDFLOWER: A weekly event for eager writers who want to share the madness they have written. This show is open to all ages for the first half with the second half open to whatever words need escaping. No cover. Sign-ups for participants begin at 6:30 p.m. Readings begin at 7 p.m. Th, 7pm. no cover. Wildflower Village, 4275-4395 W. Fourth St., (415) 640-0389, www.facebook. com/events/134295256740895.

Music

BORODIN QUARTET 70TH ANNIVERSARY TOUR:

The second of eight performances of the Argenta Concert Series will feature the legendary Russian string quartet. The group will perform music by Shostakovich, Borodin and Tchaikovsky. F, 10/16, 7:30pm. $30, $5 for students with ID. Nightingale Concert Hall, Church Fine Arts Complex, University of Nevada, Reno, 1335 N. Virginia St., (775) 784-4278, www.unr.edu/cla/music/acs.

A CAPPELLA CHORUS NEEDS SINGERS: Female

singers ages of 15 and older are invited to try out for High Desert Harmony, Reno’s Chapter of Sweet Adeline’s International. The a cappella group performs at events around the Truckee Meadows area, including charity events, holiday shows, private parties and Artown. M, 6:30-9pm through 12/31. Free. Five Star Premier Residences of Reno, 3201 Plumas St., (775) 544-9911, http://highdesertharmony.net/events. html. CARSON CITY SYMPHONY: The symphony,

directed by David Bugli, will open its 32nd season with a concert, “Shifting

Landscapes,” featuring guest trumpet soloist Paul Lenz. The program includes

Symphonic Suite from The Lord of the

Rings: The Two Towers by Howard Shore,

Symphony No. 3 (Rhenish) by Robert

Schumann, Finlandia by Jean Sibelius and

Trumpet Concerto in E-flat by Johann

Nepomuk Hummel. Pre-show entertainment by McCarran Circle in the lobby begins at 3 p.m., a free concert preview in the Sierra Room begins at 3:15 p.m. and a dinner reception follows the concert.

This concert is part of World Music Days, an annual global event affirming the ideals of tolerance, friendship, and shared humanity, inspired by the life and work of journalist and musician Daniel Pearl.

Su, 10/18, 4pm. $15 general admission, $12 for seniors, students, and Symphony

Association members, and free for youth <17. Tickets will be on sale at the

Carson City Visitors Bureau, online at

CCSymphony.com, or at the door. Bob

Boldrick Theater, Carson City Community

Center, 851 E. William St. in Carson City, (775) 883-4154, www.CCSymphony.com. JOE CRAVEN & THE SOMETIMERS: The group

adhere to a “no genre left behind” policy of music making while leaping from a springboard of Americana. Reno-based group The Trio will open the show. Sa, 10/17, 7:30pm. $20 general, $15 kids under age 15. Lakeridge 19th Hole Restaurant, 1218 Golf Club Drive, (707) 678-1351, http:// joecravenreno.brownpapertickets.com. L-CUBED: LOOK, LUNCH AND LISTEN CONCERT:

A free weekly noontime jazz and classical music collaborative series featuring performances by students and faculty in a laid back, lunchtime setting every Wednesday during the fall semester. W, 10/21, noon, W, 10/28, noon, W, 11/4, noon, W, 11/11, noon, W, 11/18, noon, W, 11/25, noon,

W, 12/2, noon. Free. Randall Rotunda,

Mathewson-IGT Knowledge Center, 1664

N. Virginia St. University of Nevada, Reno, (775) 784-4278, www.unr.edu/arts. OUTWEST FILM FEST KICK-OFF PARTY:

Celebrate LGBTQ films in Reno at the kickoff party featuring live music, drinks and dancing. F, 10/16, 7-11pm. $10. West Street

Market, 148 West St., (775) 997-7523, www.outwestfilmfest.org. PIPES ON THE RIVER: The Friday lunchtime concert series features guest artists performing on the church’s Casavant pipe organ. F, noon. Free. Trinity Episcopal

Church, 200 Island Ave., (775) 329-4279, www.trinityreno.org. TIM RIES WITH UNIVERSITY JAZZ ENSEMBLE I:

Rolling Stones saxophonist and composer Tim Ries will appear in concert with the University of Nevada Jazz Ensemble I. Th, 10/15, 7:30pm. $5, free for students with ID. Nightingale Concert Hall, Church Fine Arts Complex, University of Nevada, Reno, 1335 N. Virginia St., (775) 784-4278, www.unr.edu/arts.

Sports & Fitness

GUIDED HIKE: Enjoy a guided hike through

Galena Creek Park with a local specialist.

Please bring appropriate clothing and plenty of water. The hike intensity varies, depending on the audience. Sa, 10am-noon. $5 suggested donation. Galena Creek Visitor Center, 18250

Mt. Rose Highway, (775) 849-4948, www.thegreatbasininstitute.org.

Onstage

CLOWN BAR: Good Luck Macbeth and Vaude

Villain Entertainment present Adam

Szymkowicz’s film noir-inspired production following a former clown named

Happy who has returned to the seedy underground crime world to find his brother’s killer. Th, 10/15, 7:30-9:30pm, F, 10/16, 7:30-9:30pm, Sa, 10/17, 7:30-9:30pm, F, 10/23, 7:30-9:30pm, Sa, 10/24, 7:30-9:30pm,

Th, 10/29, 7:30-9:30pm, F, 10/30, 7:30-9:30pm,

Sa, 10/31, 7:30-9:30pm. $15 in advance, $18

at the door. Good Luck Macbeth Theatre

Company, 713 S. Virginia St., (775) 322-8716, www.goodluckmacbeth.org. THE DIARY OF ANNE FRANK: Galena High

School Theatre Department presents their production of the Pulitzer Prize-winning play based on the book Anne Frank: Diary of a Young Girl. The play brings to life the events of Anne Frank and her companions while in hiding from the Nazis during World War II. F, 10/16, 7pm, Sa, 10/17, 7pm. $8.

Galena High School, 3600 Butch Cassidy

Drive, (775) 851-5630, www.showtix4u.com. LATE NIGHT TV SHOW: DUMASS FOR PRESIDENT:

A half-hour live/original sitcom produced by Brüka Theatre. Based around the fictional Dumass family from the fictional

Sunny Valley, Nev., focusing on the fictional trials and tribulations of being a Dumas.

Created by Gary Cremeans II and Mary

Bennett. The fourth in the original Late

Night TV Show Series. F, 10/16, 11pm, Sa, 10/17, 11pm. $5-$10. Brüka Theatre, 99 N.

Virginia St., (775) 323-3221, www.bruka.org. OTHER DESERT CITIES: Bruka Theatre opens their 2015-2016 theater season with Jon

Robin Baitz’s drama. The play is built with clever, gleaming dialogue, tantalizing hints of a dangerous mystery and a structural core that brings to mind the heyday of Lillian

Hellman. W-Su, 8pm through 10/23, Su, 2pm

through 10/18. $10-$25. Brüka Theatre, 99 N. Virginia St., (775) 323-3221, www.bruka.org. THE THREE MUSKETEERS: TMCC theater stu-

dents perform in this fresh, fast-paced, amusing adaptation of Dumas’ classic tale. F, 10/16, 7:30pm, Sa, 10/17, 7:30pm, Su, 10/18, 2pm, F, 10/23, 7:30pm, Sa, 10/24, 7:30pm,

Su, 10/25, 2pm. $10-$15. TMCC Redfield

Performing Arts Center, 505 Keystone

Ave., (775) 673-7291, www.tmcc.edu. TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD: Harper Lee’s

Pulitzer Prize-winning story of racism in the 1930s contains strong language and sexual content. Parental guidance suggested. Th, 10/15, 7:30pm, F, 10/16, 7:30pm,

Sa, 10/17, 7:30pm. $15 adults, $12 seniors, $10 students ages 2-18, University faculty and staff, $5 UNR students with ID (limited quantity). Redfield Proscenium Theatre, Church Fine Arts Building, University of Nevada, Reno, 1664 N. Virginia St., (775) 784-4278, www.unr.edu/arts.

Classes

ANTI-BULLY SELF-DEFENSE SEMINAR: The

Aikido School of Reno will host a free selfdefense seminar, which will focus on basic self-defense and anti-bullying techniques. There will be a class for youth at 5pm and a class for adults at 6pm. Tu, 10/20, 5-5:45 & 6-7pm. Free. Aikido of Reno, 135 S. Wells Ave., (775) 337-8030, https://www.facebook.com/events/433731913479015.

BANKRUPTCY EDUCATION CLINIC: Nevada

Legal Services Inc. and Washoe Legal Services host this legal education clinic. Pre-registration requested to ensure the availability of materials. Third Th of every month, 1:30-3:30pm. Free. Nevada Legal Services, 654 Tahoe St., (775) 284-3491 ext. 214.

THE BREASTFEEDING FORUM: Breast-feeding

mothers are invited to join this breastfeeding support group. Mothers exchange their experiences and discuss concerns such as milk supply, pumping, going back to work, sleeping or lack of sleep, etc. RSVP at http://doodle.com/cy5nrur23mbg6pie.

Tu, 4-5pm. $10 drop in, free for first-time attendees. Renown South Meadows Medical

Center, 10101 Double R Blvd., (775) 240-9916, www.wellnourishedbaby.com. CREATING A SPECIALTY FOOD BUSINESS: From

farm to table, learn how to create a successful line of food products made with locally grown food. From business planning to product development, this workshop will provide the foundation to build a business. Workshop includes a tour of the Italian Hearts processing facility where owners Sal and Val grew their business. Sa, 10/17, 9am-4pm. $25 early bird, $35 after Oct. 10. Western Nevada College Carson City, 2201 W. College Parkway, Carson City, (775) 423-7565 ext. 2260, www.wnc.edu/ce/sci. FELDENKRAIS CLASSES: Guided Feldenkrais classes in pain-free movement will give you the tools you need to improve stability, balance and performance and increase your vitality and flexibility as you learn to do slow, non-habitual movements with focused attention. These carefully structured lessons activate neural pathways, relieve pain and stress, and improve the communication between you brain and body. Tu, 10-11:30am through 12/15. $12

drop-in. Midtown Fitness, 600 S. Center St. Ste. 300, (775) 240-7882, www.renofeldenkrais.blogspot.com.

Community

CLICKETS KNITTING GROUP: Jean Peters

guides this class for knitters of all ages and levels. Yarn and needles are available. First and Third Su of every month, 1:30-

3pm. Free. Spanish Springs Library, 7100A Pyramid Lake Highway located at Lazy 5 Regional Park in Spanish Springs, (775) 424-1800.

CROCHET CONNECTION: Learn to crochet or share tips with other crochet enthusiasts. Th, 4-5:45pm. Free. Spanish Springs

Library, 7100A Pyramid Lake Highway located at Lazy 5 Regional Park in Spanish

Springs, (775) 424-1800. GRIEF SUPPORT GROUP: Renown Hospice Care offers a grief support group every first and third Wednesday. Support is available for those who have experienced the loss of a loved one. The group is facilitated by Fr. Karry Crites and is open to anyone. Third W of every month, 6:30-8pm.

Free. Washoe County Senior Center, 1155

E. Ninth St., (775) 982-2817, http://bit.ly/

GriefSupportGroup2. KNITTING & CROCHET CLUB: This group is open

to anyone who enjoys knitting or crocheting. Second and Third Sa of every month,

1-3pm. Free. Northwest Reno Library, 2325

Robb Drive, (775) 787-4100, www2.washoecounty.us. LIFESCAPES: The writing program provides seniors an opportunity to write and share their memoirs. First and Third W of every month, 1-3pm. Free. Northwest Reno

Library, 2325 Robb Drive, (775) 787-4100. SAM ADAMS NIGHT: Join the Nevada Capital

Libertarian Party at this monthly gathering. Learn about the NVCLP, listen to speakers and featured guests and visit with fellow Libertarians. Third Th of every month, 7pm. Free. Comma Coffee, 312 S.

Carson St. in Carson City, (775) 883-2662, www.nvclp.org. SOUTH VALLEYS BRIDGE GROUP: Join Jill and

meet new friends. Basic bridge knowledge preferred. F, 1-4pm. Free. South Valleys

Library, 15650A Wedge Parkway, (775) 8515190, www.washoe.lib.nv.us. SPARKS LIBRARY KNITTING AND CROCHETING

CIRCLE: Do you know how to knit or crochet, but just want to meet new people? Join the Sparks Library every Thursday and learn the techniques to start your masterpiece. Th, 4-6pm. Free. Sparks Library, 1125 12th St., Sparks, (775) 3523200.

THE TUESDAY NIGHT YARN CREW: All skill levels

and yarn-crafts are welcome. Bring your project to this “sit and knit” gathering. Tu, 5:30-7pm. Free. South Valleys Library, 15650A Wedge Parkway, (775) 851-5190, www.washoe.lib.nv.us.

Volunteer

BLOOD DONATIONS: Give the gift of life and donate blood. Donors must be healthy, weigh at least 110 pounds and be at least 17 years old. Call to make an appointment.

M-Su. United Blood Services, 1125 Terminal

Way, (775) 324-6454, www.unitedbloodservices.org.