Advice Goddess

Wed blanket

I’m very attracted to my co-worker—a self-described “happily married man.” We are “friends,” but he always has a warm hug, an interesting YouTube video, or a poem or short story he’s written to share with me. He has taken me to lunch and has done work for me gratis. If I have car trouble, he connects me to a mechanic and sees I get great work for a great price. Twice he’s told me, “I love you.” The second time, I responded, “I love you, too, and if you weren’t married, I’d take you on!” He then responded, “Previous commitment!” I’m confused as to what’s going on in his head. There has been no sex, and he hasn’t asked for any.

Nothing says “I want to make mad, passionate love to you” like a referral to a skilled and honest auto mechanic.

The guy seems to be having a “flirtationship” with you—which is to say, this stuff he’s doing is foreplay to foreplay that’s unlikely to happen. There seems to be some evolutionary psychology bubbling up here—specifically, a facet of “error management theory.” This is the mouthful of a way that researchers Martie Haselton and David Buss explain how, when we might make an error in judgment, we evolved to make the least costly error. And though women engage in flirtationships, men seem to have evolved to err on the side of not missing a possible mating opportunity. And yes, that’s true even when they aren’t technically free to “mate”—like when a guy has taken—and seems to adhere to—those pesky vows to grow old with some lady, and not just in between sex romps with some other lady.

That’s where flirting comes in. Interpersonal communications researcher David Henningsen points out that the essence of flirting is ambiguity, leading the target to “suspect that sexual interest is being expressed” but not allowing them to really be sure. As for a flirt’s goal, predictably, for many in Henningsen’s and others’ research, it’s about “getting some.” But some flirting, called “instrumental” flirting, is about getting something else—like getting a discount, getting some free help, or getting out of a ticket by flashing a lady cop one’s man boobs.

As for what may be going on here, Henningsen notes that some flirting is just about having fun or is a way for people to feel good about themselves. (“She’s all over me like ants on a croissanwich!”) There’s also what Henningsen calls the “exploring” motivation: safely testing what a relationship with somebody new might be like (in case the wife runs off with the census taker).

Chances are, this guy is into you but is clinging to fidelity like a shipwrecked rat on driftwood. Maybe try to enjoy this for what it is: free lunch, free work and referrals to the amazing Carlos at Numero Uno Auto. And try to be grateful for all that he shares with you, like the poetry and short stories that his wife probably (wisely) refuses to read. As for a companion to take you to that dark place with satin sheets, you’ll have to find somebody unmarried and available. If this guy is looking to make his wife cry, it seems he’ll stick to low-grade relationship misdemeanors, like forgetting her birthday or, when they’re in bed, calling her by an old girlfriend’s name. Or by the dog’s.

A brief history of slime

I just discovered that my boyfriend of a year not only is married but has two young kids. I broke it off immediately and texted his wife. I made clear that I had no idea he was married. But now his wife keeps contacting me, wanting to meet for lunch. I’m not sure what she wants from me.

When somebody just can’t let go after a relationship, you don’t expect it to be your married boyfriend’s wife. You can’t seem to get it through her head: “I’m out of his life, and I’d really like to be out of yours.”

She’s probably just looking for answers—sadly, to questions like “How pretty are you?” “How big are your boobs?” and “How the heck did you get him to go to the dermatologist?” But the only answer you really need to give her is a definitive no: No calls. No texts. No more contact. Meanwhile, review any signs you may have overlooked that this guy wasn’t the single, available man he made himself out to be, and go into future relationships wanting to find out rather than wanting to believe. This should keep you from having scorned wives hitting you up for lunch dates and from the charming offers that might ensue: “Whaddya say— if I treat you to tiramisu, would you help me dump his body in the ravine?” Ω

Got a problem? Write Amy Alkon, 171 Pier Ave., No. 280, Santa Monica,CA 90405, or email AdviceAmy@aol.com (www.advicegoddess.com).

You know who was voted Best in our 2015 Biggest Little Best of Northern Nevada reader poll. Now, find out what they think makes them “The Best” in their respective categories!

The RN&R’s annual Winners Guide will include a complete list of winners, along with select Q&A profiles of winning people and businesses from this year’s Best of Northern Nevada poll, to give you some insight into what goes into creating “The Best”.

If you’re one of this year’s winners, you’ve earned the bragging rights. Here’s your chance to exercise them! We have special, discounted advertising rates for 1st Place Winners in this year’s “Best of” poll.

Look for it inside the October 8th issue of the RN&R, available FREE at over 850 locations wherever you shop or eat!

For advertising information, please call (775) 324-4440, ext. 3515. Deadline for participation is October 2nd at 2pm.

Free admission; $5 for pony rides.

Rancho San Rafael Regional Park, 1595 N. Sierra St., (775) 785-4512, www.washoecounty.us. SUPPLEMENTAL NUTRITION ASSISTANCE

PROGRAM (SNAP) OUTREACH CLINICH:

The Food Bank of Northern Nevada hosts SNAP outreach clinics to assist low-income families and individuals in applying for SNAP benefits. First come, first served. Th, 10am-noon. Free. Downtown Reno Library, 301 S. Center St., (775) 327-8312.

Art

ART INDEED! SIERRA MEMORIAL ART

SPACE: Open Studios at Art Indeed,

Select artists will be highlighted as well as the existing charter members. F, 10/2, 10am-5pm; Sa, 10/3, 10am-5pm; Su, 10/4, 10am-5pm. Free. 142 Bell St., 846-8367. FRONT DOOR GALLERY, CHURCH FINE ARTS

BUILDING, UNIVERSITY OF NEVADA, RENO:

Pinhole Project: Photos from the

Playa, Pinhole Project photographers document the people, art and events at Burning Man each year, while they teach others to explore their creativity through this 100-year-old technique of pinhole photography. M-F through 10/1. Free. 1664 N. Virginia St., 784-6658. HOLLAND PROJECT GALLERY: Distance,

The Holland Project Gallery will showcase new work by recent

University of Nevada, Reno bachelor of fine arts grads Ashley

Follmer and David Tilley. Distance combines figurative realist paintings emphasizing changes in interpersonal communication with process-oriented poetic works focusing on geographic and regional identity using sound, text and letterpress-printed art objects. Tu-F, 3-6pm through 10/2.

Free. 140 Vesta St., (775) 742-1858, www.hollandreno.org. MCKINLEY ARTS & CULTURE CENTER: East

and West galleries in McKinley

Arts & Culture Center hosts

Black Rock Press from the Art

Department at the University of Nevada, Reno. M-F through 10/2;

Th, 10/1, 5-7pm. Free. 925 Riverside

Drive, 334-2417. NORTH TAHOE ARTS CENTER: Glass Quartet

features artwork by regional glass artists Catherine Strand, Pam Sutton, William Hutchison and Toni Rockwell in the NTA Main Gallery. Lake Tahoe & The Sierra features oils by Howard Friedman in the NTA Corison Loft Gallery. Through 11/2, 11am-5pm. Free. 380 North Lake Blvd., Tahoe City, (530) 581-2787, www.northtahoearts.com.

STREMMEL GALLERY: Ewoud de Groot,

Stremmel Gallery presents an exhibition of recent paintings by Dutch artist Ewoud de Groot. M-Sa through 10/3. Free. 1400 S. Virginia St., 786-0558, www.stremmelgallery.com.

Museums

NATIONAL AUTOMOBILE MUSEUM (THE

HARRAH COLLECTION): SpaceMobiles:

From Rockets and Rovers to Cars on Mars, This exhibit takes a look at America’s fascination with exploring new frontiers and the machines that make it possible. M-Su through 4/11. $4-$10, free for members and children age 5 and younger. 10 S. Lake St., (775) 333-9300. NEVADA MUSEUM OF ART: Tahoe: A Visual

History, W-Su through 1/10. $1-$10.

Experience Lake Tahoe landscapes through the eyes of 175 painters, photographers, architects, weavers and sculptors.

The Nevada Museum of Art has organized the first major art historical survey exhibition of painting, Native baskets, photography, architecture and contemporary art dedicated to Lake Tahoe,

Donner Pass and the surrounding Sierra Nevada region. TAHOE:

A Visual History spans over two centuries of cultural and creative production related to the second largest freshwater alpine lake in the United States. W-Su through 1/10. 160 W. Liberty St., 329-3333, www.nevadaart.org. VIRGINIA CITY VISITORS CENTER:

Flashback Friday Museum Days, All Virginia City museums have free admission* on the first Friday of the month from May through October. Start your tour of the museums at the Historic Crystal Bar, now the Virginia City Visitors Center, to receive a map. The map has a recommended route and details about Virginia City. First F of every month through 10/2. Free. 86 S. C St., Virginia City, (775) 847-7500.

Film

COURT: This 2014 Indian film tells the story of Narayan Kamble, a political activist and people’s poet who is arrested on charges that he penned and performed

“incendiary” lyrics that provoked a municipal worker to take his own life. In Marathi, Gujarti,

English and Hindi with English subtitles. Directed by Chaitanya

Tamhane. Tu, 10/6, 7pm. $7 general, $6 students and seniors, $5 members. Good Luck Macbeth

Theatre Company, 713 S. Virginia

St., 322-3716, www.artemisiamovies.org.

Poetry/ Literature

THE WRITERS’ BLOCK OPEN MIC AT

WILDFLOWER: A weekly event for eager writers who want to share the madness they have written. This show is open to all ages for the first half with the second half open to whatever words need escaping. No cover. Sign-ups for participants begin at 6:30 p.m. Readings begin at 7 p.m. Th, 7pm. Free. Wildflower Village, 4275-4395 W. Fourth St., (415) 640-0389, www.facebook.com/ events/134295256740895.

Music

DRUMMING WORKSHOP: Learn about

the drum, rhythm, making music with others and finding your own beat during this four-week drum circle workshop. Tu, 12-1pm through 10/27. Opens 10/6. $40. McKinley

Arts & Culture Center, 925

Riverside Drive, 324-5521, www.note-ables.org. PIPES ON THE RIVER: The Friday lunch-

time concert series features guest artists performing on the church’s Casavant pipe organ. F, noon. Free. Trinity Episcopal Church, 200 Island Ave., 329-4279, www.trinityreno.org. RENO PHIL’S 2015-16 SEASON OPENER:

Conductor Laura Jackson and the Reno Philharmonic Orchestra welcome pianist Jon Nakamatsu back to Reno for the kick-off concert the Reno Philharmonic’s 2015-16 Classix Season. Classix One will feature works from Verdi, Rachmaninoff and Respighi. Su, 10/4, 4-6pm; Tu, 10/6, 7:30-9:30pm. $32-$86. Pioneer Center for the Performing Arts, 100 S. Virginia St., 323-6393, www.renophil.com.

Sports & Fitness

GUIDED HIKE: Enjoy a guided hike through Galena Creek Park with a local specialist. Please bring appropriate clothing and plenty of water. The hike intensity varies, depending on the audience.

Sa, 10am-noon. $5 suggested donation. Galena Creek Visitor Center, 18250 Mt. Rose Highway, (775) 849-4948, www.thegreatbasininstitute.org.

Onstage

ALICE IN WONDERLAND: PAC Drama

presents this fast-paced, innovative production based on Lewis

Carroll’s classic children’s books.

On Oct. 10 at 9am, there will be a

Mad Hatter’s Tea Party precedes the 10am performance (advance tickets required). W, 10/7, 7pm; Th, 10/8, 7pm; F, 10/9, 3pm; Sa, 10/10, 10am. $7 for students, senios and WCSD staff, $9 for adults. Damonte

Ranch High School, 10500 Rio

Wrangler Pkwy., (775) 851-5656, http://drhspacdramaprogram. weebly.com. ANNIE: Broadway Comes to Reno kicks off its 2015-2016 season with a brand new incarnation of the original musical. F, 10/2, 8pm; Sa, 10/3, 2 & 8pm; Su, 10/4, 2 & 7pm. $45-$85.

Pioneer Center for the Performing

Arts, 100 S. Virginia St., 686-6600, www.pioneercenter.com. CLOWN BAR: Good Luck Macbeth and Vaude Villain Entertainment present Adam Szymkowicz’s film noir-inspired production following a former clown named Happy who has returned to the seedy underground crime world to find his brother’s killer. F, 10/2, 7:309:30pm; Sa, 10/3, 7:30-9:30pm; F, 10/9, 7:30-9:30pm; Sa, 10/10, 7:30-9:30pm;

Th, 10/15, 7:30-9:30pm; F, 10/16, 7:309:30pm; Sa, 10/17, 7:30-9:30pm; F, 10/23, 7:30-9:30pm; Sa, 10/24, 7:30-9:30pm;

Th, 10/29, 7:30-9:30pm; F, 10/30, 7:309:30pm; Sa, 10/31, 7:30-9:30pm. $15 in advance, $18 at the door. Good

Luck Macbeth Theatre Company, 713 S. Virginia St., 322-8716, www.goodluckmacbeth.org. OTHER DESERT CITIES: F, 10/2, 8pm; Sa, 10/3, 8pm; Th, 10/8, 8pm; F, 10/9, 8pm;

Sa, 10/10, 8pm; Su, 10/11, 2pm; W, 10/14, 8pm; Th, 10/15, 8pm; F, 10/16, 8pm; Sa, 10/17, 8pm; Su, 10/18, 2pm; W, 10/21, 8pm;

Th, 10/22, 8pm; F, 10/23, 8pm. Call for ticket info. Brüka Theatre, 99 N.

Virginia St., (775) 323-3221, www.bruka.org. PICASSO AT THE LAPIN AGILE: Reno

Little Theater opens its 20152016 season with Steve Martin’s

Off-Broadway absurdist comedy piece which places Albert Einstein and Pablo Picasso in a Parisian cafe in 1904, just before the celebrated painter set the art world afire with Cubism. Martin plays fast and loose with fact, fame and fortune as these two geniuses muse on the 20th century’s achievements and prospects, as well as other fanciful topics with infectious dizziness. Th, 10/1, 7:30pm; F, 10/2, 7:30pm; Sa, 10/3, 2 & 7:30pm; Su, 10/4, 2pm. $18 general, $15 seniors, students, military.

Reno Little Theater, 147 E. Pueblo

St., (775) 329-0661, www.renolittletheater.org. SCAPEGOAT: A play by R.S. Bennett based on real-life stories, produced and directed by PAN. What happens when a man kisses a cop in the midst of a feverish party?

His subsequent trifles with the mental health and legal systems post-make-out describe the political nonsense we as Americans face today, behind the humorous faces of clowns of course. Preview on

Sept. 25 at 7pm. Grand opening reception on Sept. 26 at 7pm. Th-Sa, 7pm through 10/10. $15 at the door.

The Potentialist Workshop, 836 E.

Second St., 686-8201, www.potentialist.com.

Classes

ART EXPLORATIONS IN SPARKS: A variety

of mediums will be introduced during this four-class series. Th, 5:15-7:15pm through 10/15. $65. Larry

D. Johnson Community Center, 1200 12th St., Sparks, (775) 826-6100, ext. 2; www.artsforallnevada.org. THE BREASTFEEDING FORUM: Breast-

feeding mothers are invited to join this breast-feeding support group. Mothers exchange their experiences and discuss concerns such as milk supply, pumping, going back to work, sleeping or lack of sleep, etc. RSVP at http://doodle. com/cy5nrur23mbg6pie. Tu, 4-5pm. $10 drop in; free for first-time attendees. Renown South Meadows

Medical Center, 10101 Double R

Blvd., 240-9916, www.wellnourishedbaby.com. DANCE WORKSHOP FOR ACTIVE SENIORS:

Laurie Martin leads a dance workshop to facilitate improved health and well-being. No dance experience required and all abilities encouraged. Modifications will be made to help everyone move to the best of their abilities. Tu, 9-10am through 10/27. Opens 10/6. $40.

McKinley Arts & Culture Center, 925

Riverside Drive, 324-5521, www.note-ables.org. FELDENKRAIS CLASSES: Guided

Feldenkrais classes in pain-free movement will give you the tools you need to improve stability, balance and performance and increase your vitality and flexibility as you learn to do slow, non-habitual movements with focused attention. These carefully structured lessons activate neural pathways, relieve pain and stress, and improve the communication between you brain and body. Tu, 10-11:30am through 12/15. $12 drop-in. Midtown Fitness, 600 S. Center St., Ste. 300, 240-7882, www.renofeldenkrais.blogspot.com.

Community

CLICKETS KNITTING GROUP: Jean Peters

guides this class for knitters of all ages and levels. Yarn and needles are available. First and Third

Su of every month, 1:30-3pm. Free.

Spanish Springs Library, 7100A

Pyramid Lake Highway located at

Lazy 5 Regional Park in Spanish

Springs, 424-1800. CROCHET CONNECTION: Learn to cro-

chet or share tips with other crochet enthusiasts. Th, 4-5:45pm.

Free. Spanish Springs Library, 7100A Pyramid Lake Highway located at Lazy 5 Regional Park in

Spanish Springs, 424-1800. GRIEF SUPPORT GROUP: Renown

Hospice Care offers a grief support group every first and third

Wednesday. Support is available for those who have experienced the loss of a loved one. The group is facilitated by Fr. Karry Crites and is open to anyone. First W of every month, 6:30-8pm. Free. Washoe

County Senior Center, 1155 E.

Ninth St., (775) 982-2817, http://bit.ly/GriefSupportGroup. LIFESCAPES: The writing program provides seniors an opportunity to write and share their memoirs.

First and Third W of every month, 1-3pm.

Free. Northwest Reno Library, 2325 Robb Drive, 787-4100. NEWCOMERS CLUB: Newcomers Club of Reno-Sparks is an organization welcoming all Northern Nevadans with recent life-altering events such as a move, retirement or death of a loved one. The group hosts an informational coffee at 9:30am on the first Tuesday of each month. Seventy interest groups provide opportunities to meet new people and develop lasting friendships. First Tu of every month, 9:30am. Best Western

Airport Plaza Hotel, 1981 Terminal

Way, 881-2040, www.newcomersclubofreno-sparks.com. PARENTS OF PREMATURE INFANTS:

This group is for all parents of premature infants and children who were born prematurely.

The group meets in the lower auditoriums of the Saint Mary’s

Regional Medical Center. First Sa of every month, 10am-noon. Saint Mary’s

Regional Medical Center, 235 W.

Sixth St., 826-7850, www.supportsaintmarys.org/inthenews/195174. SOUTH VALLEYS BRIDGE GROUP: Join Jill

and meet new friends. Basic bridge knowledge preferred. F, 1-4pm. Free. South Valleys Library, 15650A Wedge Pkwy., (775) 851-5190, www.washoe.lib.nv.us.

SPARKS LIBRARY KNITTING AND

CROCHETING CIRCLE: Do you know

how to knit or crochet, but just want to meet new people?

Join the Sparks Library every

Thursday and learn the techniques to start your masterpiece.

Th, 4-6pm. Free. Sparks Library, 1125 12th St., Sparks, 352-3200. THE TUESDAY NIGHT YARN CREW: All skill

levels and yarn-crafts are welcome. Bring your project to this “sit and knit” gathering. Tu, 5:307pm. Free. South Valleys Library, 15650A Wedge Pkwy., 851-5190, www.washoe.lib.nv.us.

Volunteer

BLOOD DONATIONS: Give the gift of life and donate blood. Donors must be healthy, weigh at least 110 pounds and be at least 17 years old. Call to make an appointment.

M-Su. United Blood Services, 1125

Terminal Way, 324-6454, www.unitedbloodservices.org. VOLUNTEER & INTERN OPEN HOUSE:

Attend the open house to get a free tour of the facility, learn about volunteer opportunities and sign up for upcoming orientations. M, 10/5, 4-7pm. Free. Terry Lee Wells Nevada Discovery Museum (The Discovery), 490 S. Center St., 398-5947, www.nvdm. org/get_involved/volunteer.php.